


Castle of Glass

by Hichanchen, Smut_Hemingway



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, BUT WAIT FOR IT, Bottom Chae Hyungwon, Climbing, Complete, Discuss with us, Discussions about fucked up society, Dystopia, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Hoseok is super edgy, HyungWonho - Freeform, Hyungwon never left the castle, Lesbians, Lucy is an amazing character, M/M, Modern Royalty, Noble Wonho, Prince Hyungwon, Smut, Societal criticism, They're both 18, This fic is like a movie, This one has a lot of plot, Top Shin Hoseok | Wonho, Yewon seems like a bitch, but close to reality which is sad, pierced and tattooed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-07 17:02:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 237,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17369918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hichanchen/pseuds/Hichanchen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smut_Hemingway/pseuds/Smut_Hemingway
Summary: Fate can be cruel sometimes, playing and pulling two people who weren’t supposed to meet into a whirlwind of feelings, unbearable decisions and painful reality.Having to marry the king’s daughter, Hoseok, the son of a noble family, moves into the palace, only to find out that it’s way harder to hate the system if it has a face.Continuously trying to push borders and boundaries, the young prince consort attempts to create a world for himself and the people he loves while falling deeper for the face of the system, the golden skin and the ice-blue eyes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dear readers,  
> 'Castle of Glass' is our first modern royalty AU. There is a lot of plot, character development and of course breathtakingly beautiful depictions of intimacy. We really enjoyed writing it and hope that you will enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it if not more.  
>   
> The story is already written and we will be updating every second day, so you can look forward to that!  
>   
>   
>   
>   
> If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
> We are really hoping that you will enjoy this story as much as our previous works if not more and will be able to learn something from it.  
>   
> We write one character each, also if it is the perspective of the respective other character  
> @Hichanchen writes Hyungwon (and Yewon) and  
> @Smut_Hemingway writes Wonho/Hoseok (and Lucy)  
> A special Thank You to our beta-readers Molly and Natalie.  
>   
>   
>   
> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)  
> 

 

He had been awake for quite some time already. But opening his eyes, that meant facing reality. It meant seeing the fancy white stucco ceiling with the ornate crystal chandelier that was as unnecessary as it was fucking ugly. His only reason for not ripping it from the ceiling, while babbling some idiotic excuse, had been the silent hope that the thing would fall on top of him while he slept and neatly end his life for good.

_You're not lucky. You're never fucking lucky, Hoseok._

Groaning loudly, he ripped his eyelids open, letting the light blind him for a few seconds before his eyes adjusted and focused on the stupid chandelier. Grabbing one of the hideous silk pillows from the side he threw it at the ugly thing. Much to his distaste, he only succeeded in creating a melodic response as the crystals tinkled, instead of eliminating the hateful sight.

_When can you finally move somewhere else? You're old enough by now._

Jumping up, he threw the perfectly white blanket to the side and slipped out of the uncomfortable silk pajamas, making sure to lock his door beforehand. Looking at his body, he examined the black lines, loving how the dark color spread over his extremely pale skin. Watching his reflection in the huge mirror calmed him down. He needed these few minutes before he had to dress up again and stuff his face with expensive food while looking elegant and satisfied, all according to the proper rules of conduct.

Pulling out a white button down, made out of thick cotton fabric, he slipped his arms through the sleeves and closed the buttons one by one, watching how his tattoos disappeared behind the white. He hated white, so much.

_At least your hair is black._

It was poor comfort as he stared into the mirror some more, determining whether there was a hair or two on his chin he had to shave, but there was nothing. He was lucky, more time to calm himself.

Slipping into the black cotton trousers, he closed the leather belt around his hips, keeping it a few centimeters lower than he needed, as a sign of silent rebellion. Leaning in, he examined his own sea-blue eyes staring back at him before lifting both hands to his head and creating a huge mess out of his black hair. After a few deep inhales, he took the hair brush and styled it back into its original form, accentuating the perfect fuck-face he had to present outside of his room. Looking through his phones, he made sure to take the right one and opened the door, walking down the flight of stairs to the dining room.

His parents were already sitting at the huge mahogany table and were sipping on their tea or whatever they considered appropriate to drink on a Monday morning.

“Good morning, Hoseok, you must be hungry, we have good news for you, but eat first.” His mother smiled her fake smile which meant that it would be terrifying news he would need weeks to recover from.

_Which company did they sell you to? The gas one? Or the munitions one?_

_Eat the stupid breakfast and let yourself be surprised._

Swallowing and smiling in reply, he sat down on the chair across from them and waited until the servers brought breakfast. It took a few seconds before food started appearing in front of his face, table getting ridiculously full. It was way too much for three people to eat and there was no way that he would've been able to eat all of it.

_They'll throw it away. Like they always do, lavish assholes._

Chewing on something he didn't know the name of and also couldn't identify the rawness of, he burned his tongue with hot coffee to keep himself from saying something and risking getting even better news than what his parents had prepared for him.

“So, as you are aware, we were looking into your future and you know how important it is to us.”

_Yeah, and by your future we mean getting rid of you as soon as possible, preferably for shit tons of money._

“We have met the king’s family a few times, as we are rather influential in politics nowadays, and we have made an arrangement for you and Yewon to get married in a year at the latest. Isn't it amazing? She is such a beautiful girl and you two would suit each other perfectly. You're so lucky to have the blue eyes from your father and be so prettily pale at the same time, they were immediately intrigued and signed the agreement with us. Congratulations, Hoseok.” His mother talked about him marrying the worst bitch in the capital city as if it was something absolutely amazing. He wanted to choke on the food mass inside his mouth and die on the spot.

_Don't say anything, don't. You won't be able to go out if you do._

Swallowing instead of choking, he gulped more of the boiling hot coffee into his mouth, feeling the pain spread and forcing his thoughts to the back of his head for a few seconds.

“So, I will be marrying Yewon? I thought it would be the daughter of some company owner,” he murmured, taking the next sip more carefully. “Why so rushed? Do they need to marry her off quickly?” he asked with a nice smile, trying to hide the fact that he was talking about the princess being a fucking monster nobody liked, despite her doll-like fuck-face.

_You'll be falling apart faster than you thought._

“She turned twenty and you're two years younger, so it's acceptable, and it's the best opportunity you will ever have. Of course, we had to think about your benefit, and they will be dependent on us a lot regarding heavy industry, so being in-laws is the most natural thing. We don't have a daughter for the prince, that would've been okay too, but being there will give you the opportunity to influence on our behalf. It's not only about having fun now, Hoseok. You are also responsible, you're an adult now.” His mother rolled her eyes in the same way she had when he stained his white shirt as a kid.

_You've been sold there to push their interests through while being married to this bitch which makes you the princess’ husband. What an amazing life, Hoseok._

Suddenly, he really wished for the chandelier to bury him. Putting the last piece of whatever had been on the plate in front of him into his mouth, he nodded politely and smiled with every resource he could muster.

“I know, mother, I will do my best. I will be at the university until six and then visit Lucy to study for the math exam. It will probably get late, so I will stay over.” He made sure to present his rote sentence perfectly with a nice smile on his face.

His mother nodded while looking dissatisfied.

“You have to be careful starting now. You will be officially engaged to Yewon in two weeks, after that you can't be staying over at other women's houses. I know Lucy and you are friends and not romantically involved, but it will still have to stop. Yewon would be sad if she heard of you spending time with other girls, am I right?” His mother's delicate hand eased the cup onto the plate and settled on the table next to it.

_As if. That bitch doesn't care about anyone and she's sucking face at every fucking party. What sad? You will have to find a way to still see Lucy and go out or you can just jump out of the fucking window._

Nodding once again, he folded the white napkin neatly and put it on top of his chair after he stood up.

“I will make sure to be careful about that, mother. See you tomorrow.” Bowing once, he walked a step back before turning around and making his way up the stairs that led to his room on the second floor.

_There's not much time and not much left to enjoy. Your life hasn't even started and it's bound to end just like this, in the fucking palace, tied to a person you can't stand._

But he couldn't do anything about it, not directly and not without creating a revolution, which he couldn't know the impact of.

_Nothing. Just be satisfied with nothing._

 

_

 

 

“They what? Yewon? Really? That's like dipping your hand into a container and pulling out a piece of dog shit,” his best friend exclaimed and threw her head back, letting the black, tiny locks fly in all directions. It looked funny.

Letting his math book disappear inside his designer leather bag, he kicked the thing to the side, looking at it as if it had been responsible for all the bad things that happened to him.

“I wish I had your pretty skin color, then the racist trash people wouldn't have picked me for their monster daughter, damn it.” Hoseok reached out and stroked over Lucy's forearm, creating a contrast between his own and the girl’s skin. It looked so pretty. There was no beauty in similarity, variety was what made things beautiful in the first place.

“Are you stupid, Hoseok? Do you even know what you're talking about? Do you know what kind of shit life I have here because of that? Don't say that, you noob.” She slapped his hand and stared at him, eyes serious and somehow also vulnerable. It was true, he had no idea, getting only a tiny glimpse of the discrimination his best friend had to go through only because she looked different from what was considered ‘normal’ by arbitrary standards. Standards that were defined by crack smoking idiots if you asked him.

“I'm sorry, I just want the stupid chandelier to fall on top of me already, it would solve all my problems. The engagement is in two weeks, I need the thing to bury me before then,” he murmured and stood up from the black chair he was sitting on and started unbuttoning his shirt while imagining being killed by a crystal chandelier. Lucy chuckled, before doing the same, pulling her brown silk shirt over her head and rummaging through the shelves until she found a black t-shirt with a ‘bitch you thought’’ slogan which she pulled over her curvy upper body. She looked so cute.

“You look like a cute little bread roll,” he commented and started laughing while dropping his white cotton shirt to the ground accidentally.

“Shut the fuck up, Hoseok, you spoiled milk. Get dressed, we're late. Who knows, maybe you'll meet your fiancée if you're lucky enough."

Pouting and staring at Lucy as if she had done him dirty on so many levels, he took his clothes out of his leather bag and slipped into the black silk shirt with a ridiculously low neckline and white ripped jeans. His favorite ones, with knee cuts so big that you could see almost half of his thigh along with his knees, but it didn't show his tattoos, so it was still kind of okay.

“I thought you were my friend. A few years ago, I thought I would be marrying you as an alibi and everything would be disgustingly amazing. You could have your girlfriend and I would get my hot boyfriend and we would live together in happiness and perfect harmony. I hate my life,” he whispered before brushing back his black bangs and pulling the silver ring through the tiny hole in his bottom lip.

“You what? You didn't really think that your parents would ever allow anything besides ‘Lucy is good in maths, so she can help you’, right? If you did then you're definitely way dumber than I thought. Don't you know this society, Hoseok? I'm dark-skinned and my parents don't have a company. Learn about the way it works here, you're going to be part of the king’s family and all that jazz. Who knows, you can kill the king and the handsome prince and then you can become the ruler of the country and change everything.” His pretty friend bowed down while holding a middle finger in front of his face. “Your majesty.”

Hoseok slapped her hand away and groaned, angry at the reminder of how his near future was probably going to look. He didn't like it.

“I just want them to leave me alone, why do they suddenly show so much interest in me, huh? They didn't give a single shit, they never did, no matter what I had to go through, but now that I'm eighteen, they suddenly ‘care’. Did a dollar sign suddenly appear on my forehead? I don't understand,” he hissed and slipped into his chucks, spraying his favorite perfume and leaning against the white door that led out of Lucy's room.

“Because you have those handsome eyes and milky skin, just like the perverts like it. You're like this high-class whore, you made it, Hoseok.” Lucy chuckled, trying to comfort him by being mean. “But seriously though, will you have to sleep with her and everything?” Her brown eyes appeared in front of his as she looked up at him, curiosity apparent on her features.

_Oh god._

“What? Oh my god, I won't, never ever, she's everything I don't like and she's a woman. What am I supposed to do with her?” His eyes widened and he started gesturing wildly.

“You don't know what to do? Ask me, I'll teach you, baby,” Lucy purred and licked her lips tentatively.

_Holy shit. You're going to die. You need to cut your dick off or something._

“Isn't there, I don't know, an illness where you can't fuck? Can't I suddenly get it?” Hoseok asked and grabbed his belongings, stuffing them into the pockets of his jeans before putting on his fabulous sunglasses and opening the door. “Let's go, we're late.”

“You'll be part of the king’s family soon, you can invent an illness. They do stuff like that all the time.” Lucy straightened her lovely leather mini skirt and slapped his ass for no fucking reason. “Let's go, your majesty.”

 

_

 

 

It was fucking loud and Hoseok had his fourth beer, flirting inconspicuously with the bartender. Lucy was dancing, like always, she could move so well and he had to keep creepy dudes away from her. Doing that he kept wondering how men failed to learn the concept of ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘appropriate distance’’.

_Maybe you're different because you're gay?_

As if. Sighing loudly, he downed his drink and winked at Lucy, making sure that she was okay before he went to the bathroom.

When he finally managed to push his way through the mass of people, dancing to a mediocre beat, his eyes fell on familiar almost platinum blonde hair, reflecting the minimal light like a sore spot in his vision. There she was, the reason for his misery, standing right next to the men's restroom and laughing loudly at something one of her admirers whispered into her ear. It earned the poor guy a kiss on the cheek until Yewon turned to the side and met his gaze. It was almost disgusting how quickly a fake smile spread over the princess’ features, pulling her thick lips into a wide grimace while her eyes remained the same, showing no emotion.

“What a pleasure to see you, Hoseok,” she spoke and left her poor admirer behind, stepping towards him and lifting her right hand, like she expected him to fucking kiss it in the middle of a club.

_Crazy bitch._

“Oh, wow, your royal highness, I'm so honored,” Hoseok commented and ignored the hand, grinning brightly. “I thought we would see each other next week, but it seems as if my karma sucks.”

There was a brief frown that instantly melted into a grin, like the princess was amused by his indirect insult. She pulled her hand back and let it rest on her hip, fitting right in with her ivory dress. It only added to the pretense, innocence personified.

“I am surprised to see you on your own, usually your sidekick accompanies you everywhere, even to the bathroom it seems,” she pronounced teasingly and lifted her equally blonde eyebrow.

“Ah, you mean my friend, yes she's here too. I'm surprised to see your face not being connected to some misogynistic dude, or are you practicing being a faithful wife?” Hoseok licked over his lips and crossed his muscular arms in front of his chest.

“I believe that I correspond to that image better than most of the women around you, dear Hoseok. I do not need to practice something that is already in my blood.” Smiling briefly, Yewon lifted her delicate hand to her lips and kissed it before pressing the soft skin against Hoseok’s mouth. The action forced a gasp out of a few men that were on their way to the bathroom, fascinated by the princess gifting somebody affection. “I hope you will enjoy your evening filled with freedom, it might be your last.”

“Guess you won't be able to go out either, what a sad story.” He licked over his lip piercing and smirked at the crazy bitch. “Go impress one of your delusional admirers, that shit doesn't work with me.” Chuckling, he walked past the blonde woman and entered the restroom, taking care of his business and washing his hands thoroughly.

_It will be a shit show, won't it?_

If he was honest, he couldn't imagine what marrying the princess really meant for him. Right now, he was wearing revealing clothes and piercings at some club, using it as a balance for his otherwise strongly coordinated and heteronomous way of life.

Right now, it was okay, but he would have to move from his parent’s place to another house, the king’s house, the glass castle in the pretty park around the huge pond with fat fucking swans swimming in it. He knew how to arrange his life around his parents’ expectations, but the king’s family would have different rules and something told him that he probably wouldn't be able to get around them as easily.

Pulling Lucy from the dance floor, he curled his arms around his best friend and buried his face in the crook of her warm neck.

“I'm so fucking terrified that this shit will break me, Lu. I have no idea what they will want from me and I won't be able to see you for a while and I really feel like dying right now. You're the only person that keeps me sane at this point,” he whispered desperately, before feeling the girl's hand stroking over his hair in a gesture of comfort.

“It will be fine, bunny, I know that it will be hard, but you’ve been through so much shit, it would be a bummer to give up now, don't you think? If you give up, then there's one person less existing in this world who sees how fucked up this is and who wants to make a change. If you're alive you have the choice, even if it might seem as if you don't. You do, Hoseok. You can do it.” His best friend patted his head before leaning back and smiling her gorgeous big smile, plump lips spreading and white teeth showing.

“I love you, Lucy. I sometimes wish I was never born at all but then I remember that you exist and reconsider. Thank you so much.” Pressing a quick kiss on top of her black locks, he loosened his grip, gesturing towards the dance floor. “Let me get us another drink and let's have fun, don't think I'll be able to do it again anytime soon.”

He watched his best friend mingle in the crowd, making sure that she was safe, before he turned around and walked towards the bar, ordering another two beers, while examining the scratched over surface of the counter.

There was movement on his side as the ivory dress he had already learned to hate appeared next to him.

“You should be more careful,” Yewon hissed, lips barely moving as she reached for her virgin drink, long fingers curling around it carefully as the bartender added a shot discreetly, only increasing the pretense.

“About what?” he asked, turning to the right slowly. The blonde woman's face appeared in his sight gradually as he lifted his gaze.

“Your rather extensive skin ship with your sidekick.” The princess spoke quietly as her lips continued to appear like they didn't move. It must have been a skill to avoid lip reading, but it made the blonde woman look fake much like everything else. A glance to the side revealed a few men in black suits watching the two of them, sticking out among the crowd of young people even though they stood off to the side.

_She's with her dogs. What if you won't be able to leave the house without having them attached to your ass?_

“Don't talk about her as if you have any clue. We just hugged, I saw you sucking face so many times, my math skills are bad, so I can't count that far. Also, so far there's just my parents’ signature, I'm not engaged to you. Not yet.” God, he hated admitting to it so much, admitting that he indeed would have to follow the will of his parents, not able to say or do anything against it.

“You don't seem to understand. If you want to step into the palace you have to be a bit more careful about-” there was a pause as the princess threw a distasteful look to the crowd, “who you surround yourself with. The engagement will be public in a few days and that's when every step you take will suddenly become important, so don't- fuck- up.”

Swallowing, so he wouldn’t say out load the really bad curse words that were just waiting to spill from the tip of his tongue, Hoseok nodded at the bartender and took a sip of the beer that was placed in front of him.

“I don't want to step into the palace, but I guess your parents really want me to. I'll take care of who I surround myself with and you take care of your own business,” he hissed while taking both drinks and making sure to not lean into the woman's personal space. “Your royal highness.”

“You know nothing, Hoseok, absolutely nothing. People won't forget what you did two days ago just because you're not engaged yet.” Licking over her lips quickly, Yewon kept up the distance and plastered a smile on her face, almost like they were having pleasant conversation. “I always take care of my business, it comes with becoming an adult, Lee Hoseok.”

He wanted to tell her to fuck off so badly, but he was going to enter her territory soon, one he wasn't familiar with at all, so he didn't. Instead he smiled politely.

“You should've gotten someone who's older then,” he commented and nodded, turning around to spot Lucy in the crowd, but it was more difficult than expected.

“Too bad that wasn't my choice,” was the quiet reply behind him as the princess slipped off her chair and made her way through the crowd, easily parting it as people stepped to the side to make way.

_Maybe she'll find someone who'll pity her._

The parting of the crowd finally enabled him to recognise Lucy's pretty black locks and he made his way to the dance floor to have fun.

_For one last time._

 

_

 

The crystal chandelier lit up and covered his room in a bright yellow light, crystals reflecting and dancing along the white walls as he observed the reflection of his naked body in the huge mirror.

Fine black and grey lines covered his sides, moved down his vline and spread over his thighs. He loved his tattoos, but made sure to not make them visible in anyway, it was like a taboo, a stigma that stuck to his perfectly white, marble-like skin, not removable and reminding him of his double life, double standards and of how much he hated all of it.

_You'll have to sleep with her, won't you? Maybe she won't want to when she sees all the ink on your skin._

Hoseok really hoped that he wouldn't have to touch the blonde woman. It wasn't only that he wasn't attracted to her, or to women in general, but also the knowledge that the skinny princess probably felt the same. He was some random man who was chosen for her against her will, and Hoseok didn't want to add to the pressure she must be feeling.

_Since when do you care?_

Shaking his head at himself, he pulled new, white underwear out of the package and slid the fabric over his hips, letting the black suit pants and a thick white silk shirt follow, emphasizing his paleness even more in contrast to his hair. He took a little of the makeup foundation to cover the tiny piercing hole in his lip. It was barely visible, but those fuckers were attentive.

_Maybe they'll throw you out, would be nice._

He would've gone for it, if he hadn't been more afraid of his parents than of the king.

Brushing his hair, he kept staring at his face, trying to find the person that he was, hiding somewhere behind the marble face, the curved pink lips and the sea-blue eyes he learned to hate.

He felt like he was going to his own execution when he slowly made his way down the stairs, when he stepped into the fancy black car with tinted windows and even after the vehicle had stopped in front of the huge building. It was modern architecture, big glass windows sustaining the illusion of transparency and permeability.

Wiping over his trousers in a nervous gesture, Hoseok inhaled once and kept the air inside his lungs for a few moments, feeling his body struggle to breathe against his will to hold it in. As it got painful, he exhaled and inhaled again, just in time as the car door opened and he stepped out, following his parents to the entrance, huge doors already open to welcome them.

_You can't run away, can you?_

He couldn't. Instead he looked up and watched how the shiny surfaces of the building reflected the blue color of the sky, the rays of sunlight trying to bend the truth, hiding what it really was, covering up the spoiled insides.

_It's rotten. And you'll be part of it._

 

***

 

It began with awareness, a feeling that resembled drops of water bedewing his forehead and pulling him from the depths of sleep. It was the same every morning. He embraced the calm knowledge that the large clock above his bed had not sounded yet, that the time to leave the comfort of his canopy bed had not arrived.

It must have been just past dawn. The light behind his eyelids barely caressed his iris, hinting at shortly before six in the morning. At six precisely the familiar melody of the musical clock was going to play, starting with soft tones that became faster, resembling a whirlwind that continued throughout his day. His grandfather had composed the melody for his birth, a gift, something that was supposed to carry value and positive emotions. He struggled to feel that way about a device that was created to pull him from the land of dreams, returning him to responsibilities and the coldness outside of the silk sheets surrounding him.

The five minutes of being awake before the melody started were his favourite. It was in those five minutes that responsibilities appeared to be gone, not his to solve as it was not time for him to rise yet. Before the daily routine of going to breakfast and various lessons followed by political conversations and polite chit chat with important figures of society. It was those five minutes during which he was just Hyungwon, lying on a soft duvet and tracing the outline of the intricate wooden patterns that were carved into the bedpost. His index finger followed the lines all the way to the middle, creating a spiral, a sun, the sign of the royal family until it dissolved into lines again, curling and and turning all over the Padauk wood. He loved the dark red color of it, standing in contrast with everything else in his room.

As another minute passed, he finally opened his eyes, blinking a few times to get used to the way the white walls, floors and ivory decoration reflected the first rays of sunshine. It was bright, beautifully bright. He would have loved to glance outside his window, to watch a few of the palace workers scurry up the marble stairs, chit chatting and giggling as they hurried to prepare breakfast, the day’s first meeting and a bath for his mother as she loved to start the day with it. But there was not enough time, the five minutes must have been almost over by now, each tick echoing through the spacious room and evoking goosebumps that spread along his arms and the back of his neck. The sensation was strange, unfitting to the way he felt as soon as he left the confinement of his bed. As soon as his naked feet touched the marble floor, his reluctance disappeared. There were only those five minutes, a brief time of disorientation and calm, concerns and dissatisfaction that eventually disappeared as soon as Hyungwon dared the first step.

A soft tone sounded above him, accompanied by another and another, speeding up and resembling rain drops on leaves in the garden after the rain, beautiful but breaking the moment at the same time. The melody was unstoppable, playing until it finished. Hyungwon removed the soft blanket from his body and stared at his own long legs for a few seconds, examining the way his silk pajamas covered most of them. Inhaling deeply, he slid towards the edge and tapped the beautiful, white marble with his naked feet.

The last tone rung through his bedroom as a heavy knock interrupted the quiet. The transitions were fluent, there was never a moment of silence or emptiness. Everything was perfectly planned out.

As every morning, a few of the palace ladies that aided him entered his room quietly, bowing briefly before closing the door behind them. It was only a moment until they began unbuttoning his pajamas and preparing the clothes he was meant to wear for the day. It never varied much, a light color, the symbol of the royal family. His arms were guided into the sleeves and the iridescent buttons were closed by skilled fingers, dressing him quickly and efficiently. Only when his feet had entered the smooth leather shoes did Mary look up, one of the ladies that Hyungwon remembered the longest, as she had been there since his birth.

“Everything has been set as requested, your royal highness,” she whispered and bowed again. Her helpers quickly did the same before turning around and preparing to leave the room. “Unfortunately, his majesty and the queen are prevented from being here, so they will not be joining you for breakfast, my prince.”

“Thank you, Mary,” Hyungwon muttered but it drowned in the shuffling of cotton shoes on stone. It wasn’t unusual. The king and queen rarely joined him for breakfast, no matter how early it was. A lot of affairs had to be taken care of and various company owners and counts were of much more political importance than joining Hyungwon for breakfast. It was reasonable and perfectly understandable.

_And lonely._

The lack of royal family members joining him for breakfast explained the lack of makeup on his face. There was no powder, no cream that corrected what nature had not given him. He was left plain.

He avoided the mirror on his way to the door, aware that he wouldn’t resemble the image he was supposed to represent. His skin was not the color it had to be, but it was just him at the table in the morning, him and servants that were aware of the drop of sludge that must have been mixed during the creation of his skin tone.

As soon as he left his bedroom, he wasn’t alone anymore, accompanied by guards that ensured his safety. They stayed close but did not speak, they never did.

_Like shadows._

Sometimes at night, while taking a walk through the royal garden, Hyungwon watched the ground and observed whether their shadows would melt into his, become one and create the impression of ghosts that follow him at each step. But the shadows never disappeared, remaining stuck next to his own, close but never really touching. He didn’t mind them, they were meant to be there, present for his protection. Since the attack on the royal family fifteen years ago security was a must, a part of their everyday life. Hyungwon didn’t remember what it had been like before that, he had been too young.

The palace was familiar, the only place he knew by heart with all its many corners and rooms. He could safely say that he had been everywhere, every hidden staircase, room, dungeon, cupboard. It almost felt like he was part of it, melting into the walls if he really wanted to, like he wasn't really there. The two guards next to him would do the same, remaining quiet like ghosts.

The way to the breakfast hall wasn’t long. It led from the private chambers, decorated with white, gold and ivory to hallways of glass, showing the ground below them, gardens, other rooms and special chambers that were opened to the public once a year if they wished to see the palace. It was open and appeared like one could just melt through the transparent surface and be anywhere. But the glass was much sturdier than it looked.

Only parts of the palace were constructed of glass, everything else was made of thick walls, white but impenetrable, swallowing each sound behind them, keeping secrets where they were meant to be, behind closed doors. It was for safety, everything was.

The breakfast hall was decorated extensively. The room was lit by chandeliers, the window sills were covered in candles and it contained ornate chairs that would remain empty. Hyungwon nodded at the men and women standing at the side and ready to serve before he sat down at the head of the table, a little surprised to see his sister at the other end, chewing on fruit while keeping her gaze fixed on her porcelain plate.

“I feared that it would be only me today, sister,” Hyungwon spoke quietly to not surprise the princess who appeared in deep thought, pushing a cherry with her fork. His voice caught her off guard as she looked up quickly and smiled.

“No reason to fear, I believe that I will be joining you for breakfast more often as soon as the engagement is settled,” Yewon replied and finally pierced the cherry with her fork, placing it inside her mouth. Her response reminded Hyungwon of the engagement, the agreement that the king and the queen had settled on to improve their financial standing and have more influential contacts in case of war. It was smart, like covering every open wound and allowing it to close before further protest arose.

“It is a very beneficial agreement,” he remarked and glanced at his own plate, positively surprised to see his favourite type of pancake, filled with blueberries and drizzled with honey. It looked delicious. Smiling briefly, he glanced towards the cook in approval who bowed with a small smile on his lips.

“‘Beneficial’, of course, it is an ingenious decision, Hyungwon, just in time before I get any older and might be considered unfitting,” Yewon hissed, contempt obvious in her voice despite the smile she kept up, eating her fruit quicker than she had before Hyungwon’s arrival. She had always acted childish towards the idea of engagement and marriage.

“You are the princess, you are perfectly fitting in every way and should not let anybody tell you otherwise, Yewon. You are beautiful and that has been proven more than once. There is nothing for you for worry about. I am sure the king and queen have made a good choice.” He smiled to be reassuring, wondering why his sister appeared disatisfied. She had been worried about moving past appropriate marriageable age only a few months ago. Their parents must have made a good and informed decision. Even the bloodline of the chosen young man was appropriate, everything that was necessary to become part of the royal family.

_He might be more fitting than you are._

The thought was uncomfortable, so he distracted himself with a small piece of his pancake that he carefully inserted into his mouth, chewing slowly. Having a partner that shared concerns and responsibility had always been something the queen had emphasized. It was her role next to the king as a role model for women and their responsibilities. A husband was meant to be a pillar for his sister, something to break the loneliness she must have felt. It was the same feeling that Hyungwon succumbed to in the few minutes at night before he finally closed his eyes and fell asleep. Her opposition and dissatisfaction with the situation were unreasonable.

“Has there ever been a princess that left the palace after her engagement as often as she did before?” Yewon asked suddenly, wiping her mouth with a tissue before folding it and leaving it on her plate. Her blue eyes were focused on his, staring all the way across the long table between them.

“I doubt it, it is not according to proper conduct unless it is for an event that involves the fiance. Everybody that you need to see can be invited to the palace, so why would you require to leave it? It is safer, Yewon.” Hyungwon had spent all of his life inside the palace, not allowed to leave it for safety reasons, opposed to his sister who was not destined to rule the country.

_You have been here all your life, why would it be difficult for her?_

“Because I am going to rot here,” was the sudden reply, venom laced into every word as the princess stood up from the table and stalked towards the exit, pulling along the eyes of all people present. Right before leaving she turned around once and pursed her plump lips, resembling his own apart from their light color. “Just like you.”

It was dead quiet after her departure, like even the servants standing around him didn’t allow themselves to breathe, prolonging the uncomfortable atmosphere. It was pointless, Yewon’s discomfort wasn’t going to get her anywhere, it would only make her unhappier, poisoning the advantages of the situation with her temper.

_They should have married you off instead, you would have accepted it with grace instead of childish defiance._

 

_

 

His eyes were closed, waiting for his attire to be fully prepared and adjusted before he was able to dress in preparation for an important meeting. There was shuffling around him, but he focused on standing straight and stretching out his arms as pleasant fabric was attached to his body one by one, layer after layer. Hyungwon held his breath as two middle-aged servants pulled the strings of his vest, emphasizing his waist by following its form perfectly. Once the strings were tied in bows, he finally opened his eyes, glancing around his bedroom and at the servants who were so devoted to perfect his appearance. One mistake of theirs might cost them not only their job but also status.

_Pressure is everywhere, one needs to learn to bear it._

He attempted to breathe, feeling how the attire restricted it a little, but he was meant to impress, to appear above human kind. He was dressed in ivory, bearing the symbols of the crown and delicate designs and embroidery that spoke of his status. It was beautiful, tailored to his body form perfectly. His hair was brushed thoroughly and arranged in soft locks that fell over his forehead. The almost platinum color emphasized the color of his lips, a blood red that didn’t need any further interference. Mary smiled brightly as she carefully applied moisturizer, rubbing it over his top lip first before continuing with the bottom one. His skin looked pale, almost like it could be his real tone, resembling his sister’s alabaster shade instead of the smudge it usually had. It calmed him down, reassured him that he was doing as expected, fulfilling his role as the prince and the successor to the throne.

_The people would talk if they knew._

“That should be enough,” he ordered as the fumbling with his sleeve seemed unnecessary. It was a sign of nervousness instead of genuine adjustment of his appearance. The servants were worried, aware of the importance of the upcoming dinner. The Lee family had been invited to settle the deal with the presence of all family members. The contract had been signed previously but the meeting of the families was the last step, the occasion in which both families took a last glance at the children involved. Certain criteria had to be fulfilled to become part of the royal family and this was the last possibility to ascertain that they were fulfilled. If the son of the Lee family was not in possession of blue eyes the marriage would be considered invalid according to the law, meaningless as the son would not be considered worthy of royal blood. Hyungwon genuinely hoped that there would be no problems as advisors had ensured the legitimate color of the future prince consort’s eyes and skin. He also hoped that Yewon would not let her emotions get the better of her.

The pressure was not only on his sister, but also on him. Hyungwon was meant to be a symbol for the common people, of royalty and of purity, of influence and the ability to handle it appropriately. He was the future king, not just any member of the royal family. Any mistake on his part could mean demise for the reverence towards the royal family as a whole. Several hundred years ago popularity among the common people had no meaning, none that influenced rule and decision making, but that was not the case anymore. He was considered to be a representative, upholding the rules by following them diligently.

_You know it by heart, you don’t need to repeat father’s words for yourself._

Another glance into the mirror revealed perfection as known by the kingdom, pale skin, light hair, ice-blue eyes and soft features.

“You look deserving of the title, your royal highness,” one of the servants murmured and bowed again. Something about the phrase felt off, so Hyungwon turned towards her, examining her carefully. It was a young girl, several years younger than him.

“And before I did not?”

“That is in no way what I implied, your royal highness. Your attire and appearance only emphasize something that is already present. Please forgive my hasty words,” the girl murmured, not looking up, and sank to her knees quickly.

_You overreacted for no reason._

“You’re forgiven, get up,” he ordered and glanced at his hands briefly, just as white as his face was. “You may leave.”

It was quiet once all servants had left him in the middle of his bedroom, preparing himself to play his part. He would be entering after the major introduction, joining for the dinner itself but not much else. According to tradition the parents would remain seated afterwards to discuss plans while the princess and her husband-to-be were given time on their own to stroll through the large gardens. Yewon would not be a good guide as she had never spent more than a few minutes at a time in the gardens, preferring to leave the palace. It was a shame that her fiance’s impression of the palace would remain so superficial.

_Because her knowledge of the palace just scratched the surface, no more._

The hallways were quiet, only his steps sounded on the marble floors. His guards were silent as always, fitting perfectly into the rhythm of his steps. Had they wanted to become invisible they could have, disappearing if Hyungwon turned around quickly, wondering if they really existed. All servants must have been occupied with their own tasks, preparing the extravagant menu, fitting to the occasion.

Once he reached the door of the dining room for special occasions he stopped, glancing at the king’s manservant who decided when it was the appropriate time for him to enter. His heartbeat was picking up, following his mind’s realization that he had to perform, to act his part and be perfect. There was not enough time for real fear to develop as brown eyes met his, followed by a nod and the announcement of his arrival. The large wooden door opened and revealed the dining room.

The servants had outdone themselves with all the gold that graced the walls. Furniture had been replaced to speak of their fortune, cherry wood with intricate designs. Paintings by famous foreign artists that painted the king’s family and historical occurrences graced the walls. A large table was centered in the middle, revealing the king at the head of the table, smiling a familiar smile at the sight of Hyungwon. It was the smile he received in public, a barely present lift of both mouth corners that followed by a gesture to sit down. It appeared nonchalant but it was an order. It always was.

Hyungwon nodded politely at the king and the queen, bowing lightly before he threw his sister a polite gaze. More attention was given to the Lee family, sitting at the other end of the table. Count Lee was a sturdy man. He had a broad build and a complexion that was befitting of the royal family. He had light blonde hair, blue eyes and perfectly pale skin. As the king’s advisors had made sure, he was a distant relative, keeping the traits that were considered noble. The countess looked different in comparison. She had black hair and dark eyes, only her skin tone showed her relation to the young man that sat next to both of them. Calling their son a man felt a little strange as he looked Hyungwon’s age. His eyes were a bright sea-blue, emphasized further by the raven black hair that fell onto his forehead. He must have been prepared for the event as much as Hyungwon was, not even a single strand of hair on the boy’s head was off. His lips had an interesting shape, like they curved at the corners even without the presence of a smile. It seemed like someone had calculated the exact angle at which a face appeared friendly without a constant smile gracing it.

_His skin is beautiful._

Hyungwon had seen masses of pale people, they surrounded him on a daily basis and emphasized the whiteness of their skin, its luminance and healthy appearance. But he had never seen anybody with such pale skin while having black hair and a broader build. His sister’s husband-to-be fit in perfectly, appearing noble without any effort to do so. It seemed like he could have worn rags and still his appearance would have told the truth about his upbringing and heritage.

After a brief introduction by the king, Hyungwon smiled brightly at each individual on the other side of the table, resting a little longer on the boy to express interest, before he sat down.

“Well, it seems as if everything is settled then. I am very pleased about this outcome. We are sure that this marriage will be highly beneficial to both families,” the countess summed up and nodded at the king and queen. They exchanged meaningless compliments while his sister’s husband-to-be looked as if he was thinking about something entirely different, just nodding politely but otherwise not participating in the talks. He was strangely quiet, it opened up questions about his political engagement.

_He will have to change that._

Being quiet was not problematic for a prince consort, as it was important to stay low and avoid any possible thoughts of wishing to take over the throne or anything similarly ridiculous. Political engagement was expected in the form of support, it would be problematic to disappear in the shadow of the princess.

“Hoseok and I had the pleasure of meeting each other previously and I am grateful for this opportunity. Am I right, Hoseok?” Yewon remarked with a bright smile, glancing towards the count’s son. Hyungwon knew her well enough to see that she was acting. A slight twitch was present in her plump bottom lip, difficult to see but visible to a trained eye. She was not comfortable about having met him before.

_But why?_

The mention of the boy’s name must have gotten his attention, as he looked up, curved mouth corners spreading in a breathtaking smile.

“Needless to say, this alliance will be a very delightful one, as her highness and I have been good friends. I am very content about this outcome,” Lee Hoseok replied in his low voice. There was something intense about his eyes, about the way he had looked at the princess while speaking the words. Hyungwon couldn’t read him, neither the sincerity in his words, nor the emotions he was expressing. He seemed cheerful, but the way Yewon acted spoke against it.

He must have been the only one to recognize the roughness in the exchange, as both king and queen and the Lee family appeared satisfied by it. The dinner was tense despite the attempts at innocuous conversation. It was all meaningless and did not carry any information for either side. All deals had been made in secret, without the involvement of the children and their presence was only for image, to show influence and connection.

Hyungwon calmly ate his lamb, almost melting on his tongue from how well it was prepared. There was no point in participating in the conversation, it was not his event.

“Princess Yewon will be showing you the palace after dinner, Hoseok, I hope you will become familiar with it and learn to love it,” the queen spoke after a few minutes of quiet dining. She glanced towards the black-haired boy who was listening and nodding politely.

“Thank you, I am sure that I will feel comfortable in the palace if the princess will show me around, your majesty.”

After the boy replied the king began discussing a current political issue with the count and Hyungwon suddenly saw the sea-blue eyes staring at him from under Lee Hoseok’s raven-black hair. It was barely a second when their gazes met and before his sister’s fiance focused his attention back on the king who was speaking.

The unexpected eye-contact confused him a little. It should have been the princess that Lee Hoseok was staring at and not him. After all, she was the woman he was meant to spend the rest of his days with. Only curiosity about the successor of the throne could have explained the gaze. It wasn’t unusual to be looked at, but only at events that involved him, people that had never seen him before and intended to become close. Men that were his age had more fascination for his sister, as they should. She was beautiful.

Hyungwon focused on his food for a few more seconds, listening intently to the exchange about increasing security along the borders of the kingdom due to the current worries of the disappearance of certain social values. Light skin for example. It was a common topic, one that both the king and the count agreed on, so no new thoughts were uttered. It was merely the same back and forth, agreement brought about by the deal.

The conversation was of no interest to him, so he allowed himself to glance at the black-haired boy again, wondering why he had been looking at him. Another few seconds passed before the other man focused his gaze on him once again, holding his eye contact for longer this time. Usually a person would have immediately looked away when meeting his eyes, but the black-haired man didn’t appear to be one of those people.

_He’s not afraid of your status, is he?_

Hyungwon stared back, curious about what would happen. He was not supposed to break eye contact unless he was speaking to the king. Keeping his back straight and his thighs touching, he held Lee Hoseok’s gaze and focused on the way the different shades of blue connected into a whole around the iris. It really resembled the ocean, waves that crashed into each other and melted into a homogenous color.

The other man continued watching him, breaking the contact only to make sure that he appeared interested in the topic. After a few more seconds his mouth corner jerked a little, a subtle hint of a smile.

_Is he making fun of you?_

Hyungwon allowed his eyebrow to raise briefly in question, wondering what the black-haired boy might have considered so amusing. His curiosity about what Lee Hoseok was really thinking remained, examining his features intently whenever their eye contact was interrupted. He was in good control of his facial muscles, expression remaining perfectly idle and calm and showing signs of shock in a matter of seconds if the conversation expected him to do so. Politics should be an easy game for someone like that, going with the flow while not revealing a single card.

Another pair of eyes on his face got his attention. Glancing to the side, he met his sister’s gaze, she was pursing her lips a little. She must have disliked something, but it was difficult to tell what it was as the current political topic was also not one of her favourites. Once he smiled at her to calm her possible wrath, he returned to the princess’ husband-to-be. He was curious what response his eyebrow had evoked and whether it would be just as subtle as the twitch of the boy’s mouth corner. He enjoyed this game.

He couldn’t see the other man’s eyebrows as his black hair was covering them, but he must’ve done something to change the way his eyes looked. The expression went from neutral to intimidating and back to the neutral staring. This time the mouth corner lifted a little higher.

_Is this a threat?_

There was nothing straight-out threatening about the eye contact, but it seemed like Lee Hoseok was playing with the effect that he could bring about through his facial expressions. Hyungwon was more delicate with his, meant to keep them as neutral and composed as possible at all times. A single glitch in his expression could result in offending somebody who had major influence. Licking over his lips briefly and delicately placing another piece of meat into his mouth, he wondered about how he could respond. His lips were said to be very expressive through their natural plumpness and red color, something that was considered special.

Remembering something he had done as a child, he pulled his lips into his mouth for a few seconds, staring back. He held the gaze as he let go, adding redness and returning them to his face.

This time he could clearly see how Lee Hoseok raised his eyebrow while licking over his lips quickly, gaze gaining intensity before he broke the eye contact and nodded at something his father had said about the advantages of the royal family forming an alliance with heavy industry. It was nothing new for him, repetitions of what was probably discussed behind closed doors. Hyungwon filtered easily, perfectly aware of what was relevant to him and what wasn’t. His mind was occupied with the rather confusing responses the black-haired boy sent him. It appeared to be a game that he didn’t really know the rules of. Was it his turn again?

Staring back, he bit his bottom lip, narrowing his gaze as he did when he expected someone to have made a mistake or when he was forced to deal with disobedience. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to wait for a response as the king ended the dinner with a unemotional gesture of his hand.

“Princess Yewon will now show you the palace grounds, Hoseok,” the queen remarked and gestured towards Yewon, who smiled brightly. Hyungwon suppressed a sign of dissatisfaction as there was no way that his sister had the ability to show the beauty of the palace to anybody. She was only familiar with the main plaza and her own room. Every other room was like a room of darkness in her mind.

“You can return to your duties, Hyungwon, I appreciate that you joined us,” his mother spoke towards him while wearing the same smile. It was the end of his participation in the event. Hyungwon regretted the end of the game, especially before he had been able to figure out its rules.

_But you have more important things to indulge in._

Smiling as he had before, he stood up just like everybody else apart from the king and accepted brief bows from the count and the countess. As before, his eyes met Lee Hoseok’s, expecting a bow before his departure. The black-haired man held his hand under his chest and bowed in perfect politeness, before he saw the sea-blue eyes staring at him from under the boy’s black bangs, curved lips spread in a smile.

There was something strange to the gesture, like Hyungwon would have won the game easily had there not been this strange smile, inappropriate but present nevertheless.

_It’s teasing and you could call him out for it._

But Hyungwon didn’t. Instead he nodded and excused himself, leaving the hall while listening for the way his two shadows didn’t make any noise. A smile was no reason to break an engagement and a deal, nothing that was insulting enough to get involved.

_If it’s a game, it needs to be finished adequately, right?_

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seemed like something that only a man who had lost his mind would yearn for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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Hoseok watched the same overly decorated walls for almost twenty minutes as he followed Yewon through the stupid glass building. The fun thing was that the castle looked as if it was made of glass from the outside, but it had only been the hallways, the chambers were all located on the other side, the side that wasn’t visible and was skillfully hidden behind a huge park that citizens had no access to. It was all the same, white walls, ivory objects and gold. Literally nobody needed ivory besides the fucking elephants. He didn’t want to think about how many of them had been forced to die because the king, or his son, needed to carve their meaningless family bullshit into their tusks after ripping them out of their skull.

_Doesn’t sound surprising though._

He and the princess hadn’t spoken a word since they had left the dinner. Walking around in silence was still better than sitting at the huge table while pretending to eat and even more pretending to listen to what the others were talking about. It was so fucking meaningless that he had stared at the prince, simply because he was there, and a better sight than the king, or even better, his own parents. He had never seen the other royal offspring before. Not that he was especially curious, but the other man looked funny, like a ghost. They must’ve put so much makeup on his face that he looked like a painted wall. A scary painted wall.

_And you’d love to scrub off the paint a little._

Yeah. He would. The blonde man looked interesting, something about his face was intriguing, besides the white paint. That made him angry. But his huge lips and how he kept his eye contact throughout the whole dinner, it was fun.

_He doesn’t seem like a lot of fun though._

That was true, but Hoseok was so fucking desperate, ready to scream at the king and his bullshit talking about protecting the borders, instead of concentrating on the main task at hand, namely becoming and acting like a fucking human. It shouldn’t have been this hard. The distraction came just in time and he loved the confusion on the boy’s face the more he looked at him. Especially the reaction to his grin while he bowed, that was his absolute favorite.

_He’s not used to people breaking protocol, is he?_

Not at all. Hoseok loved it, he loved the narrowed gaze and the expression of confusion and distaste. It felt as if he had accomplished something, even though it was bullshit and he still ran around with the blonde woman he had nothing to talk about with.

The prince must’ve been his age as far as he could judge, but the other man could have also been a monster, hidden under the truck-load of foundation while distracting people with his ice-blue eyes and his platinum-blonde hair. If he was being honest, the prince was everything he despised. Hoseok had wanted to tear off the hideous ivory belt and ask him how he would feel about having his teeth ripped out for someone's accessory. At least he didn’t have to be dead for that. Not like the poor elephant.

_You’re not like them. Not at all. You’re like an alien here and you will keep being one until you get buried under one of these ugly chandeliers._

He looked up, noticing the similarities to how his house was decorated. For his parents this must’ve been the absolute ideal. Selling off their handsome, blue-eyed son into the royal family to ensure that their interests were acknowledged while engaging in politics and setting up the future of the nation. Only that they had no fucking idea that their son hated everything starting from the heavy industry his father had established in the country, to the royal family who kept the borders shut and fueling discrimination because of skin color and race with all their might.

_They’re also the reason why Lucy has to suffer while living. It’s because of them. Because of their racist judgements and the premise that people who have lighter skin are better humans. They aren’t. They’re the worst._

Looking to the side, he examined Yewon’s pale face. She appeared in thought but it was wasn’t Hoseok’s business, nor was he interested in it. The princess was one of them. And he was going to become one of them soon. He felt like dying.

_If you had your second cell phone you would’ve been able to write Lucy, she would’ve calmed you down for sure._

But life wasn’t this easy, at least not for him. His parents had talked about him moving to the palace next week already. It was way too early and beyond his adjusting skills, but well, nobody had asked him. They never did.

“Do you like me, or why are you prolonging this unnecessarily? We’ve already been here three times; don’t you want to show me my cell?” he asked after Yewon had led him through the same hallway for the third time.

It almost looked like the princess snapped her neck with how quickly she turned towards him. Instead of answering, she glanced to the side at a few servants before pointing out the three guards that have been following them all the way. They must have been ridiculously silent if Hoseok hadn't realized their presence.

“Of course, I like you,” Yewon replied with a polite smile and brushed her palm over his shoulder in an affectionate gesture. “We have been given a set time, don't you think we should use it to the fullest, Hoseok? Maybe you would like to see the garden?”

God, he wanted to trip on the carpet, break his leg and go to the hospital. Anything would’ve been better than being forced through the pretentious bullshit. He would’ve imitated a woman’s voice screeching ‘but honey, what if people start talking’ but swallowed instead.

“Oh honey, of course I want to see the _fucking_ garden. I bet it’s gorgeous, can’t wait to take walks with you while we talk about our future children and all the _crap we will never have._ ” Hoseok made sure to whisper the curses, so that the staff couldn’t hear. He was adjusting well.

“It's gorgeous,” the princess exclaimed with fake enthusiasm, lifting her long dress a little to not fall over it. Her steps were quick as she marched from one hallway into the next, pressing her lips together in distaste. Her frustration seemed to become more apparent the more glass walls they were surrounded by.

“So, how much time were we given? I’m _so_ afraid we won’t be able to spend more time together.” He focused his gaze on Yewon’s blue eyes and pouted his lips.

“Two hours, so we should use them to the fullest and make sure you see more than these-” It looked like the blonde woman suppressed a curse herself, tensing her jaw. There must have been something she disliked about the situation that had nothing to do with Hoseok as she threw her guards repeated looks. “More than these glass walls.”

“Is there more to see?” he muttered absentmindedly, before trying to come up with a solution, there must’ve been a way to end this torture. “But can your dogs go for a walk or something?” he whispered into the princess’ ear. “I really want us to spend some high-quality time together, and I don’t think I can be the romantic man you deserve if we’re followed all the time.” Turning around he pouted at the guards, as if they had done him dirty.

The three men showed no response, standing in place for as long as the princess didn't move.

“I'm trying,” Yewon whispered and brushed through her long hair, braided into complex patterns that she disrupted a little through the motion. “Unfortunately, it's forbidden, Hoseok, but we can be on our own in the garden for a little bit, which is why I think you should see it.”

“Yes, I love gardens, let’s go.” He immediately stepped forward and waited for the princess to leave the halls he already knew by heart at this point.

Yewon stepped forward and returned to appearing rather uncomfortable again. Lifting her long dress with her right hand, she turned around a corner and pressed her lips into a thin line, making her face seem even paler.

As they reached another branch of the hallway, giving them three possibilities, she stopped, chewing on her cheek.

A few second passed until a low voice broke the silence.

“Are you lost, Yewon?” There were careful steps along one of the hallways until the prince's small, painted face appeared in front of them. He was tall, especially next to his sister. “Oh, I see your exploration of the palace is still ongoing. I apologize for disturbing the two of you.”

Ice-blue eyes settled on Hoseok’s face briefly until the blonde man examined his sister's face carefully.

He couldn’t contain a smile at the other man’s antics. Looking at him closely, he really had a ton of foundation on his face. Letting his gaze slide down his neck, Hoseok tried to determine the other man’s usual skin color, but it was impossible. Make up was everywhere.

_Sad._

“Are you more experienced in the layout of the palace, your royal highness?” he asked, gaze focusing on the prince’s big eyes.

“Indeed, I am. I believe I am ahead of the palace guards in that matter,” the blonde boy replied with a smile and glanced towards the three guards behind them. As before there was no response.

“I was perfectly fine, you don't have to worry about us, brother,” Yewon replied quietly and pressed her lips together again. Her hesitation in choosing a direction spoke against her words though.

“He can join us, as I can’t be romantic anyway,” Hoseok whispered into the princess’ ear before returning his attention to the tall man. “We would appreciate it, if you would show us more of the palace, if it doesn’t disturb your daily routine, your royal highness.”

Yewon threw him a glance before shaking her head minimally. It was difficult to see but enough for Hoseok to pick up on it.

“I fear I am not allowed to impose my company on your walk, but I am able to lead you were you intended to be in the first place.” Again, the prince smiled and glanced towards his sister, big eyes jumping over the braided patterns of her hair. Something seemed to catch the other man's attention as his gaze appeared stuck, continuously returning to the blonde braids. “Where are you headed?”

“The garden. Please don’t let us disturb you, your royal highness,” he commented, looking at Yewon’s hair as the prince seemed to have found something weird about it. He had said ‘your royal highness’ so many times already that he felt the need to scream a curse at someone. Preferably the ‘royal highness’. Using the situation, he kept observing the tall man. He did look young, only the makeup added to the perceived age, making him look a little older than he probably was. His plump lips and cheeks gave him out despite all attempts.

There was no immediate response as the prince gave up and leaned in, grasping a single strand of blonde hair and fixing it back into the braid it had left. Once he was done, he stepped back and met Hoseok’s eyes.

“You misunderstood, Lee Hoseok, the one who would be disturbing in this case is me. The two of you are given time to get to know each other and become familiar, it is not meant to involve me. However, I will gladly lead you to the garden. The guards are unfortunately not allowed to reply to requests unless they are ordered to do so.” The blonde prince spoke very carefully, each word seeming like it was on his tongue for long enough to be engraved into stone. “Follow me.”

Turning around swiftly, the tall man turned to the right and made his way along the hallway. As if they were ghosts, his own guards joined at the back.

Hoseok had the feeling that one had to slap the prince to get an authentic response.

“You misunderstood, your royal highness, the princess and I already know each other, so there is no point in strolling through the hallways while accompanied by five people, but I am _so_ grateful that you will show us the way,” Hoseok pulled the words a little longer than during his usual speech to make fun of the prince and strolled next to Yewon who looked as if her life had no point.

_At least it’s pretty accurate for you too._

His teasing appeared to have no effect as the prince merely continued walking. He definitely knew where he was going with how quickly their surroundings changed. Glass walls turned into thick white that was decorated with ancient paintings and swords, engraved with the emblem of the royal family and the individual that had owned it.

_Must be nice having all the historical evidence that your family consisted of assholes for generations hanging on the walls of your house._

“Get a grip,” Yewon hissed when they turned around again. Gorgeous trees and flower arrangements became visible outside of the windows, indicating that they were slowly reaching the garden.

_She doesn’t know what you not getting a grip looks like._

“You’re so pale, be careful that you don’t fucking faint in the middle of the stone walkway. Your dress will turn to shit,” Hoseok whispered back and smiled, eyes turning to crescents as he spread his lips.

“Shut up, you have no idea how fucking careful you have to be. Don't ruin this for me, Hoseok. I'll make your life hell, much more so than it already is,” she whispered and curled her small fingers around his index finger like she wanted to appear close despite threatening him.

“Listen up, your royal highness, if you think that your stupid threats will do anything to me, you’re wrong. My life can’t get worse than this, and if it does, I can still die in peace while probably blaming you for it, so don’t think there's anything I’m afraid of.” He kept smiling and curled his fingers around her slim wrist, careful not to hurt her. “But I mean, you’d just cover it up right? I mean not that I would care when I’m dead, but must be nice, still.”

“Some things are worse than death, Hoseok,” Yewon murmured and glanced to the side, avoiding his gaze but keeping her wrist in his hold. Their surroundings changed as they must have entered the garden. It was gigantic and filled with trees, exotic plants Hoseok had never seen before and complex arrangements of bushes. Once they set foot on a small plaza with benches, the prince finally turned around.

“You should have the opportunity to talk here,” he remarked and glanced at Hoseok. There was the minimal hint of motion in his eyebrow, almost like he was amused before he continued speaking. “Also, without the company of five guards.”

“I am absolutely delighted about this and will be forever grateful for your help, your royal highness. Please don’t let us disturb you any further,” Hoseok smiled while staring right into the other man’s ice-blue eyes.

There was no hint of a response, almost like the prince decided he had shown Hoseok enough facial expressions to last him a lifetime.

“Your mockery is overboard, but-” There was a pause as the blonde man's eyebrow twitched briefly. “I shall pretend there was no such thing. I hope you will enjoy the rest of your evening.”

Nodding at his sister briefly, the prince observed him intently for one last time, almost like he expected something before he turned around and stepped back into the prison of glass.

Hoseok stared at the other man leaving before he turned to Yewon and slapped his hand against his mouth in shock.

“Oh my god, your brother is worse than you. Also, please spare me your sad stories, ‘I had a man I loved’ and all that jazz, listen I can understand that you love all this expensive sadness, you can have whoever you want, I won’t ever claim you. Ever. You can literally do whatever the fuck you want and whatever the dogs allow you to do.”

The princess looked hurt as she grabbed her skirt and made her way to a gazebo surrounded by blooming flowers. Sitting down, she placed both her hands on her lap carefully and stared at him with a tensed jaw.

“You're a real asshole. You make it sound like it's easy, like I can just leave and have whoever I want behind closed doors. This isn't a playground anymore, Hoseok. This is the fucking palace. Everybody sees every fucking thing you do and every servant is going to tell on you as soon as enough money is offered. You have no idea, living in your pretence prison while believing you've seen hell.” Yewon brushed through her hair again, almost like she wished to ruin the arrangement of her strands again, allowing a few to stick out of her braids.

Hoseok would’ve loved to show the girl both of his middle fingers and go home, but unfortunately life wasn’t easy like that.

“You think I’m an asshole? Well, that explains quite a bit. Also, that you drown in your pretence and, as I have already mentioned, expensive sadness, the type of sadness people like you can afford, not forced to worry about other things. Important things. You’re part of the system and you’re keeping it alive, silencing everything and everyone who tries to go against it. Sure, there are people everywhere, but you’re here, you’re well fed and dressed at the cost of another people’s misery, but most importantly, you’re fucking pale. Congratulations, you’ve made it. You know, if I knew that my parents wouldn’t try to make my best friend’s life hell if I did something bad, I would’ve told your ghost brother to wash his fucking face before talking to me first, because honestly? Royal highness? He did fucking nothing to deserve it besides wearing his family emblem on the tusk of an elephant that died for that shit. And that, my precious, pale sunshine, is the reason why everything you tell me sounds as if you’re crying that your diamonds are way too small. Please consider telling someone else because I can assure you that I won’t have any pity for you on that matter.” Hoseok finished his monologue while crouching down in front of the princess and staring right up into her eyes.

It was quiet as Yewon stared at him, bottom lip trembling. A few birds were singing in the trees but it didn't fit their situation at all, almost like everybody kept up the presence apart from them.

“You're the same,” she whispered eventually, fingers shaking. “You're exactly the same, following the same rules while smiling and faking a laugh. You make it sound like there are no consequences for me, like I could stand up and scream at them to change it. I'm not afraid for my fucking life, Hoseok, because there are worse things than death, I told you. My death doesn't even mean anything as I'm not a boy, nobody would bother to keep me if I fuck up. You're doing the exact same thing, living in luxury while being pale and pretty, going along with everything you're told. You hate my brother? Fine, why would you tell me? Do you expect me to send him the message? I'm stuck in this as much as you are, so stop blaming me for something you're not even doing yourself. You're a hypocrite.”

_What?_

He got angry, but kept himself in check, exhaling loudly instead, before lifting his gaze once again, to make sure to keep eye contact while he spoke.

“I’m a hypocrite? You might be right. I should go to your parents and tell them that I don’t want to marry you. What will change for you? Will it be better? Huh? Should I go save you from this marriage? Sure, I’ll be okay with some abuse, it’s nothing new.” Hoseok tilted his head and licked over his lips.

“You're stupid. It's like you don't even know what you are saying, Hoseok. You can't save me from this, there is no such thing as salvation. You blamed me for being pale and not doing anything about the system. You blame me while not doing anything yourself, scared of the people close to you getting hurt. It's the same for me, so why am I supposed to make that sacrifice if the effect will remain the same? That's what makes you a hypocrite. _You_ , a pale, noble male, is telling _me_ , a pale, noble woman, to stop supporting the system.” Yewon bit down on her bottom lip and stared up, hands buried in her dress. “I don't care about this marriage. I care about the inability to leave this place and be watched every step of the way. How are your concerns different?”

_They are different. You hate the big picture, not the freedom that had been taken away from you._

He stood up and sat down on the bench next to the skinny woman, leaning back a little.

“Our concerns are different, but you do have a point there. You just didn’t understand what I meant. I meant that even if I go and tell them my opinion nothing will change. Not for you and probably also not for me. Then it won’t be you but some fuck-face from the industry I will hate in the same way. You just happen to be from the royal family, which makes me especially angry because your family is in politics and influences all the things that I have a problem with. Anyway…” He looked to the side and tapped Yewon’s shoulder to get her attention. “I’m sorry for pushing it all on you as a person, it’s bullshit. You are worried about not being able to go out? We will find some way, I guess. Let’s see how it goes.”

His change in tone returned the blonde woman's attention as she looked at him and exhaled slowly. She seemed exhausted suddenly, so different from the annoyance she showed the whole day.

“I can't influence anything, Hoseok. Nothing at all. The only role I'm meant to play is a baby factory and show everybody how to be a good woman by doing random projects, looking pretty and only leaving the palace when there is business to take care of. It will be the same for you as prince consort, you can't get too much into politics, you'll get backlash.” Yewon reached out and grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers. “They're watching.”

He made a grimace of disgust at the baby factory and literally everything else that was simply misogynistic and hideous.

“I just know how it is for my friend, I have no friends in the noble circle, so I don’t know anything about the struggles women have there. Anyway, be sure that I won’t be giving you babies, I’m sorry, my sacrifices won’t be that extreme.” He grinned and looked up. “I’m tired too, but you can’t get too tired, that’s what they want, making you exhausted and feeling helpless without any remains of self-efficacy. I can’t accept that young lady.” He laughed and patted the delicate hand for the guards.

“Suddenly you sound strangely grown up for an 18-year-old,” the princess remarked with a small smile and exhaled slowly. “But- why would you struggle with producing offspring? That's the last thing men are supposed to struggle with. I'm told.”

_Don’t tell her that you’re gay._

“Well, I guess I’m special there. So, I’m sorry about that in advance. Furthermore, a person is always more than you can see, I guess it also applies to you. Let’s just make it as painless as possible.” Leaning back a little further, he thought about Lucy. He missed her so much even though only a few days had passed since they had seen each other. She was like his family. No, she was his family and she had always been.

“But- there is no real way around it. It's-” The princess hesitated again and licked over her lips briefly, like she felt uncomfortable with the topic. “Let's not talk about it, it's inappropriate.”

“I don’t care,” he replied and turned to the side, staring at the princess’ face with a deadpan expression on his face. “If there’s something I really don’t care about, then it’s what’s appropriate. Your scary brother isn’t here either to tell me or you that we went ‘overboard’, god.” He almost groaned but got himself in check last minute, squeezing Yewon’s hand instead. “Oh, sorry.”

“You're strangely obsessive about Hyungwon,” she murmured. “You make it sound like he's the palace police.”

“Uhm, first of all, I see your point in saying that you have it hard and are not treated well because of your role and being a woman. He is literally the next king, look at him and his pretentious ass! He’s going around, not able to handle a fucking joke and having the same facial expression for every season, he will rule the country and he will continue this bullshit your family has been keeping up for ages, which is why, yes, I am indeed borderline obsessive. Plus his face, what the fuck is with all that foundation? Does he have a makeup modeling contract or something? You’ll need a tool to scratch it off.” He reached for Yewon’s face and wiped over her cheek with his index finger. “Not to be a misogynistic pig, but see? You don’t even wear that much.”

The blonde woman's eyes widened as he touched her cheek and she froze in place before appearing a little uncomfortable about his questions.

“He's- forced to represent the image, so they want him as white as possible. He's just eighteen, Hoseok, he's never left this place. I doubt he knows what he's doing.” Yewon’s voice was careful, like she rarely talked about the prince, eyes jumping from one palace window to the next.

_What? He never left the palace. Oh god, this person will be king, Hoseok. There’s no salvation for you and this country._

“Hmm, I thought he was my age, but wasn’t sure because of the makeup. Why is this so fucked up though?” His question had obviously been rhetorical and he took his hand back, feeling uncomfortable with the prolonged skinship. Yewon wasn’t Lucy and her hand was also way too pale for it to seem like it. “Anyway, I’ll be moving in next week. We should celebrate a R.I.P. party.”

Yewon laughed loudly and covered her mouth with her palm as she did so.

“That sounds overly dramatic. You make me worry a little because it seems like you know none of the royal rules, aren't they known to the public? The crown prince isn't allowed to leave the castle since the attack on the royal family. It's a security measure.”

_Ah right._

“I was three fifteen years ago, but yeah, sorry for not paying attention at that time,” Hoseok replied and grinned. “They will tell me all the rules and I will use my skilled brain to break them.” Glancing at his watch he realized that they had exactly one minute left. “Let’s go before the dogs start barking.” Standing up, he took Yewon’s hand and pulled her up from the bench.

“Oh no, we mustn't go overtime,” she muttered before squeezing his palm and hurrying over to the guards that had remained at an appropriate distance. She looked a little funny when she tried to be fast, struggling with her long dress. At the club she had always worn shorter dresses.

_She's so different in here._

Rolling his eyes at the pointless panic, Hoseok followed, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his suit pants, before remembering proper conduct and taking them back out. The two hours passed fast, but it didn’t change anything about the fact that it would have to get worse eventually. Yewon was wrong, nothing was worse than death, because death meant that you had given up.

_You can’t give up because then they would have won._

_  
_

__  
  
***

 

The days passed quickly, filled with Hyungwon's beloved five minutes, the brief time he had for himself and various lessons on how to behave towards the soon-to-be prince consort. It felt strange and unusual to know that there was going to be an addition to the royal family, another person that lived with them, joined for the basic meals and interacted in hallways. It was like a small break to Hyungwon's worldview, an addition to the palace that he knew, making it partially unfamiliar.

The rules were easy and quickly acquired as he had learned them before, back when the was taught the role of the princess and the political advantages that a marriage with the son of an influential and preferably also wealthy count could have. The major change was the rearrangement of the quarters. Close to his and his sister's bedchambers a room was rearranged, filled with paintings and beautiful embroidery. Hyungwon had dared a glance inside while most of the palace was occupied with something else. His guards were shadows and didn't talk, so he had sneaked in to see the arrangement. It was beautiful and less white than his own room was. A more careful examination of the furniture and the dark blue colors used quickly explained it as the Lee family had dark blue as their representative color. It was a nice way to keep the black-haired boy's family in his mind after his departure.

_It must feel strange to leave the family._

Hyungwon couldn't really imagine it, he had never left the palace and only the king and queen had left him for a few days, surrounded by servants and palace workers. It wasn't comparable as he knew that they would return.

His sister had seemed more cheerful the past days, less provocative as she ate her breakfast and even gifting him a cheerful smile during one of the lunches. It was calming as it meant that her two hours to get to know her husband-to-be had been successful. The queen had always said that affection and appreciation were something that developed with time and interaction and it seemed like the princess was a living example of that. She had publicly talked down to Hyungwon and accused him of rotting in the castle before meeting the son of the Lee family, but now she was cheerful and even engaged in decent conversation.

It was fascinating to see and Hyungwon couldn't help his curiosity at what the two of them had been talking about to warm up to each other to this degree. Extensive physical contact was prohibited, so it couldn't have been the joy of a kiss. But if it was nothing of that sort, then what could have plastered such a smile on Yewon's face?

Hyungwon's clothes were almost as formal as they had been for the dinner as he made his way down the marble steps towards the entrance of the palace. Lee Hoseok was becoming a member of the palace and a member of the royal family in a few months; therefore, it was a big event with the press and pictures, showing the happy occasion. Hyungwon's complexion was pale as his lips remained a deep red. Mary had considered muting some of the dark color, but covering his lips was one of the few things that Hyungwon struggled with. It was uncomfortable and dried out his skin.

The pictures would have to be rich in contrast.

It felt a little strange to stand next to his sister on the marble steps and wait for Lee Hoseok to arrive, to kiss hands in public and enter the palace for good while showing his curved smile to the press. Hyungwon wondered if it would look the same way it had at the dinner.

“I am excited,” Yewon murmured, but it seemed like she said it for herself and not for him to reply, so he didn't and merely smiled, fulfilling his role in the ceremony. The gates at the far end opened and Hyungwon couldn't resist the way he rose a little bit on his toes, attempting to see behind the heavy metal that separated the palace from the rest of the city.

_He's the first outsider._

The black vehicle arrived and one of the palace employees opened the door as the black-haired man stepped out, wearing a dark blue suit with a perfectly fitted white shirt that was buttoned up to his neck, showing a sparkling pin covered in green emeralds. He was pale, almost resembling a marble statue, black hair styled up and revealing his forehead. Bowing formally, he smiled as soon as the cameras started flashing and went on with the perfect display of proper conduct, bowing to him without any hints of disrespect, but also interest for that matter.

It seemed appropriate but at the same time fake, as he knew that it wasn't how the black-haired man reacted to him without observers that told him the truth.

Yewon smiled and held out her hand, waiting for Lee Hoseok to kiss it. The bright light of the camera flashes were uncomfortable and forced Hyungwon to blink more often than usual. Photos were mostly taken of the family as a whole and rarely of him. Not many knew what he really looked like.

_It's for safety._

After kissing his sister's hands, Hoseok smiled some more, it didn't matter who he looked at, the movement of his lips was always the same, looking mechanical after what he had seen before.

_He's doing it for the cameras, isn't he?_

The expressiveness that Hyungwon had seen on the other man's face before woke his curiosity to see it again. He wanted to figure out what game they had been playing during dinner. What did those expressions mean? Had the princess’ fiancé been teasing him?

He stared. There was nothing else for him to look at as hands were shaken and smiles were exchanged, followed by the king grasping Lee Hoseok’s hand with both of his. It was the first time they touched and was meant to show respect and acceptance of the boy into the family. It felt strange, the fact that the black-haired boy would live in the palace was suddenly real, in the matter of a second.

Lee Hoseok bowed for a few seconds longer and turned around for the last picture.

The moment ended as quickly as it had come, the press was kindly asked to leave the grounds and Hyungwon was quickly escorted back inside by the guards, careful to keep him safe. It was fast, like the blink of an eye. A few minutes later he was already inside his room, alone and surrounded by familiar furniture. It didn't seem like anything had changed yet, there was no other presence, just him.

_But he isn't there to compensate for your loneliness, Hyungwon, he's there to aid Yewon._

The rules were clear and perfectly reasonable. Hyungwon had his own responsibilities and time until a fitting queen would be chosen for him. He was content with the situation and the chance to observe it in his sister at first. The mechanism worked and that was calming.

He only regretted that he hadn't been able to meet the ocean-blue eyes during the welcoming ceremony. It left his curiosity in place, wonder only growing.

_What if he let his real face be shown?_

 

_

 

It was dead quiet as Hyungwon let his naked feet touch the marble floor, not making a single sound. He knew exactly where to step, especially in the halls that had wooden floors. Moving through the hallways without being noticed at night had always been one of his skills. Even the guards that usually remained at his door, weren't aware when he left, trudging through the palace at night and enjoying the brief moments of freedom.

There were the few minutes in the morning when the light shone through the windows, waking him up and allowing him short moments of peace. But there was also his time at night, when everyone was asleep and unaware of the crown prince leaving his bedchambers and wandering in the gardens alone.

Had Hyungwon not known the palace by heart, he would have been concerned about his safety, alone at night, outside. But he was able to outsmart every intruder, even those that lived and worked at the palace.

Reaching the east wing of the building, he was just about to make his way down marble steps when he heard muffled voices, a man and a woman.

_Definitely not something you should be listening to._

That might have been true, but Hyungwon was curious and it was night time. There was no reason for secret meetings of servants at this time, those were easily accomplished during breaks and in chambers that were far from the royal family. The East wing in the middle of the night, was highly suspicious on the other hand.

Holding his breath, he slowly tiptoed along the familiar white walls, following the muffled voices until he reached a wooden door. It was one of the first rooms that separated the princess’ chambers from those of her husband-to-be. Careful to remain as silent a possible, Hyungwon pressed his ear to the door.

“I thought I was going to have a seizure, I swear, how can you smile for such a long time without getting your jaw twisted. And the press, those greedy fuckers, fuck my life. Good that I only have to do it once,” Lee Hoseok's low voice sounded through the heavy wood.

Hyungwon's eyes widened instantly as he barely resisted ripping his ear away from the door and gasp loudly.

_He's cursing._

“Practice, Hoseok, practice. The press can be useful because they are the ones that can ruin your life with a single sentence. Be nice to them, so they don't set you on fire. They keep begging for pictures of my brother,” he heard his sister reply, chucking briefly and sounding so different from how he knew it. It was almost like a different person, voice a little lower and less conscious, like she spoke without bothering much with her choice of words.

_Why are they together? It's in the middle of the night and contact is meant to be minimal until the wedding._

“What? Listen, why would they want pictures? He doesn't have a facial expression and also the ton of stuff in his face. That's why I'm saying that they're greedy fuckers. I need to find a strategy to deal with all this, I can't hope for the chandelier to fall on top of me. But it hasn’t worked for the past 18 years, I think I have to give up on that thought.” There was another chuckle, this time low and vibrant.

_He wishes to die by the chandelier falling on top of him?_

The thought seemed utterly ridiculous to Hyungwon and he couldn't resist the way his right hand instantly reached up to brush his fingers over his cheek. It was soft to the touch, almost like silk as he wore no makeup at night. Lee Hoseok didn't know what he was talking about, unaware of the reasons.

The lack of makeup and appropriate attire was also why Hyungwon wasn't able to confront them about breaking protocol. Not only were they meeting in the middle of the night before their scheduled wedding, but they also spoke rudely and Lee Hoseok bad-mouthed the royal family. It was disastrous and he had no idea what to do about it. Not while crouching in front of a closed door with his ear pressed against it.

_This is shameful, Hyungwon. You're not meant to listen in on people's conversations._

Even when they breached decorum?

“Well, he's pretty. Also, it's not like he wants to wear makeup, it's just how it is. How do you like your room, I heard they made it all blue for you?” the princess asked, talking about him easily like it was meaningless.

“Yeah, I guess he is, somewhere under all that paint. I hate my room as it has everything I despise, so it's similar to how I liked my room at home, you make me feel domestic.” There was a brief moment of silence. “You need to sleep, Yewon, you'll look ugly as fuck tomorrow.” Lee Hoseok laughed loudly. It sounded weird, so free, as if it was okay.

_He called your sister ‘ugly as-’._

Hyungwon stopped his thought in time and swallowed. Their conversation appeared non-sexual but was laced with insults and curses towards both his sister and the rest of the royal family. It was almost blasphemous.

_He knows nothing, that's why he wants to remove the make-up._

Lee Hoseok would change his mind instantly about his wish to remove the makeup on Hyungwon's face as soon as he knew the reason. Their conversation was uninformed and made him uncomfortable. It was in addition to the cold that slowly sank into his limbs, easily attacking him with how little he moved to remain quiet.

“Shut the fuck up, you'll look just as ugly with your round eyes,” Yewon muttered and Hyungwon heard a quiet slap, like his sister had attached her palm to the black-haired boy's shoulder.

_She's cursing too._

“Yes, I will, but I don't give a single shit, I don't have to look presentable. You also don't have to, I don't care about that either, to be honest I'm just happy if I know what the fuck I'm chewing while eating breakfast. I'm off to bed. Good night.” There were steps before he heard a door closing.

Hyungwon responded quickly, jumping up from his spot against the door and holding his breath as he left the hallway and hurried down the marble steps as quickly as he could without making too much noise. It felt strange to hear a man that was now meant to become a part of the royal family exclaim that he did not care about the way the princess looked, neither the princess nor he himself. It was a foreign concept to Hyungwon, just like the rough way in which they had talked to each other.

_Is that what she learned while leaving the palace?_

Hyungwon sucked his lips into his mouth at the knowledge. It was like a secret that he was part of now, something that happened behind walls that were not as secure as they were meant to be. He had to intervene, but not catching them in the act meant that he had no proof.

_You will have to let it be, Hyungwon. You can only talk to her, remind her of her duties._

Speaking out was going to ruin everything for his sister. He couldn't do that, not without warning her first. He had to remind her of what was important, to be careful with her words and roaming at night.

_But so were you, Hyungwon. You endangered your safety by leaving your bedchambers without protection._

He couldn't say anything, nothing at all.  


_

 

His steps were hesitant on the glass floors, echoing a little longer than usual because of his slow motions. It wasn't like him to move like a sloth, but he felt uncomfortable, unprepared.

As every day, Mary had announced that the king and queen were preoccupied with official business and couldn't join him for breakfast. Hyungwon wasn't even surprised about that, he only disliked the fact that he didn't know what would happen. What was he supposed to talk about with his sister and her husband-to-be? Were they both joining? What if Lee Hoseok had particular tastes that the servants weren't able to fulfil? It would throw a bad light on the royal family.

_Maybe you're thinking too much. He's already part of it, he can't escape and break the deal, even if he dislikes tomatoes._

Hyungwon was being ridiculous but the conversation he had overheard the night before worried him. Talking in secret once meant that it could happen again, and again, and again. The two of them could continue meeting before their wedding and repeatedly break the rules by being close despite not being married yet.

_Not to mention the way they spoke._

Hyungwon didn't know how people outside the palace spoke, but nobility wasn't meant to let such disgraceful words pass their lips.

He felt more tired than over the past days as he finally reached the dining hall. It was early and the fact that the manservant at the side didn't announce him was enough of an indication that he was the first. That calmed him down immensely as he entered and sat down at the head of the table as he was meant to whenever the king wasn't present. Only his plate was in place as the servants weren't sure if anybody else was joining.

_Or they do not know that he is meant to sit in the middle, at equal distance from both you and Yewon, at least until they marry._

Nodding at the workers briefly, he examined the thin slices of ciabatta on his plate, decorated with caviar and really thinly sliced green onion. It looked interesting and he wondered why the menu was different. The cook must have wished to impress. A rather enticing fruit salad in a crystal cup was placed next to his plate. The quiet continued as only cotton shoes on marble floors interrupted it whenever one of the servants brought another dish. It seemed like it was going to be a morning like any other, Hyungwon, food and silent servants.

_Lonely, as it is meant to be._

Suddenly, the big doors opened and Lee Hoseok walked in, wearing black suit pants and a white button down. He grinned at the servant while whispering something to him behind his palm before his gaze settled on Hyungwon and he walked over. To him. Instead of sitting down on the other end of the table, just like he was supposed to.

_How dare he?_

Hyungwon wasn't able to contain a jerk of his limbs at the sudden sound of the doors, especially since there was supposed to be a warning before the arrival of anybody else. The adrenaline was rushing through his blood and his eyes widened a little as he watched the black-haired man sit down on the chair next to him, just like that. There were collective gasps from a few of the servants.

“Good morning, your royal highness. I thought I would be eating alone, but it seems as if you are here too.” Lee Hoseok nodded politely, but his mouth corner jerked again, just like when they had been playing the staring game during the engagement dinner. Hyungwon's eyes instantly focused on the motion, curious about what it meant.

“Good morning, Lee Hoseok,” he replied with his low voice and met the manservant’s gaze who seemed about ready to walk over to the black-haired man (who had an unusually expressive face) and pull him to the middle of the table, at least- if not further. Shaking his head briefly, Hyungwon terminated the manservant’s motion, ordering him to remain in place. He genuinely wondered if Lee Hoseok didn't know better or just didn't care. “I see you have chosen a seat for yourself.”

“Yes, why? Does my presence make you uncomfortable? I would gladly dine in my room, but it is unfortunately not allowed, your royal highness,” the other man murmured in dissatisfaction and put something on his plate without even looking at what it was. “Or did you have a special seat reserved for me? I thought sitting down as far as possible might make you think that I don’t like you, but you’re not that bad, so I sat down here, your royal highness.”

Hyungwon chuckled at the last comment, a little amused that the other man was genuinely unaware of having a reserved seat and believed that distance was a sign of ‘dislike’. ‘Dislike’ was utterly irrelevant and meaningless, nobody ever acted on dislike. Had it been relevant there would probably be no interaction at all in the palace.

“I am not at all disturbed by your presence and rather glad that you decided to join me for breakfast. I hope it will be to your liking. Considering having a special seat in mind-” Hyungwon briefly glanced at the middle of the table and made sure to keep his facial features relaxed. “It is not that I had one in mind, but rather that there are regulations on which seat is meant for you. But you are the first person telling me that you do not ‘dislike’ me and therefore decided to sit closer. I guess I appreciate that.”

The conversation was weird and Hyungwon reached out for his slice of bread and took a careful bite to focus on the pleasantly salty taste on his tongue. Only the spring onions weren't to his taste. It seemed like foods that had a healthy color were inherently bad on every scale apart from health.

The black-haired man sighed, took a bite of the bread roll and chewed while keeping his gaze focused on Hyungwon's face. The other man's mouth moved in a very expressive way, even though there was nothing inappropriate about it. After swallowing once, he licked over his lips and narrowed his gaze.

“Do you want me to go sit there?” the low voice sounded before there was a long pause. “Your royal highness.”

_Is he provoking you again?_

It was difficult to tell. There was nothing straight out insulting about the black-haired man's actions. Hyungwon met his eyes and held the contact for a while, considering the best course of action. He could have told Lee Hoseok to change seats, but it would have meant that he felt uncomfortable despite telling his servants not to act.

_You can't play the game if he sits all the way over there._

Hyungwon smiled briefly and shook his head, eyes still focused on the other man's ocean-blue ones. The wave-like colors adjusted depending on the light.

“You may stay,” he replied and curled his long fingers around his small fork to eat the prepared fruit salad now that he had finished his slices of bread.

There was no sound and had he not been looking at Lee Hoseok’s pale face he might have missed the way his lips moved, clearly expressing a ‘f*cking marvelous’ before he held his elbow in a polite gesture to pour himself coffee.

Hyungwon's eyes widened again as his gaze remained fixed on curved lips, disbelieving that the future prince consort had dared to curse in front of him, even if it had been soundless.

_He knows that nobody saw but you, he's toying with it._

Not even once during his time in the palace had Hyungwon met a noble that was willing to curse. Of course, he had heard it among servants that quickly apologized, but never in a noble with as little worry for consequences as Lee Hoseok apparently had and especially not towards his person.

Swallowing a cherry, Hyungwon lifted an eyebrow in question before deciding to reprimand him in the same way. ‘Watch your language’ he mouthed as articulately as he could. He wasn't familiar with speaking without sound and wasn't sure how clear lip movements had to be.

The other man stared at him for a few seconds, before his lips moved once again, incredibly skilled in showing him exactly what the black-haired man intended to say. ‘Will you spank me, if I don’t?’ His eyebrow rose in question, before a barely visible smile appeared and disappeared again while Lee Hoseok took a sip of his coffee.

_What?_

Hyungwon had not a single clue how to respond to that. Spanking was a punishment that hadn't been used in centuries and was in no way appropriate for a break of protocol. Cursing was shameful and inappropriate but spanking was a little too much.

‘That is old-fashioned,’ Hyungwon mouthed in reply and made sure to arrange his lips in a perfect ‘o’ to emphasize the words and make them readable for the black-haired man. It was becoming ridiculous, why weren't they talking properly?

_Because the topic isn't proper._

‘Too bad,’ was the soundless reply as Lee Hoseok made his eyes ridiculously big and pursed his lips, showing his sullen look.

_Why would he want to be punished? Is he provoking you to be punished? But why?_

It seemed like something that only a man who had lost his mind would yearn for.

_Stop this, Hyungwon, it's inappropriate._

“Is the food not to your liking?” he asked out loud to change the topic and forced himself to remove the confusion from his face. Instead he watched Lee Hoseok’s face and tasted some of his own coffee. It was fresh and just the right temperature.

“The food will keep me alive, which perfectly satisfies my expectations. Please don’t let yourself be disturbed by my presence, you haven’t touched your fruit salad at all, I am worried, your royal highness.” The words spoken didn’t fit to the accompanying facial expression at all. Suddenly Hyungwon realized that the black-haired man sat in such an angle, that the guards weren’t able to see his face.

_He's playing, but it's a game you don't know._

Hyungwon lifted an eyebrow again before throwing his fruit salad a quick glance.

“I have eaten a cherry,” he pointed out before it seemed a little stupid and he impaled his fork into another. His lips instantly closed around the red fruit as he hoped there would be no further provocation. He wasn't familiar with such actions, usually he would have already told the black-haired man off but nobody had seen any of it.

‘Cute,’ the curved lips mouthed again, followed by a smile. A few more seconds passed and the coffee cup was held against Lee Hoseok’s pink lips while he took another sip.

_That's enough._

“Don't you consider that a little inappropriate?” he asked eventually, voice low and eyes narrowed. This was getting out of hand.

“Huh, what do you mean, your royal highness? You eating a cherry? I have no opinion on this, as it is your personal preference, please don’t let yourself be disturbed, I was just worried about your health, your royal highness,” Hoseok replied in the sweetest voice, while his eyes narrowed and he stared at him. It looked insane with how the expression on the other man’s marble-like face didn’t fit his words in any way.

_He's hostile towards you. But why? What have you done to make him this defensive?_

Hyungwon couldn't think of anything that he had done to upset the black-haired man. In addition, he had pointed out that closeness was his sign to speak for lack of ‘dislike’ but the almost stormy eyes were speaking for exactly that.

“I must be confusing your intentions then,” he replied and licked over his lips, savoring the taste of the fruit while he stared at the other man intently, attempting to comprehend what he was working towards. What was the goal? Why provoke him?

“I won’t cause you any further discomfort, your highness.” The black-haired man put the cup on the table and stared at him for a few seconds, intensity overwhelming, as if his sister’s fiancé would have climbed over the table if it wasn’t for the guards. He stood up, placing his napkin on the table. “Please enjoy your breakfast in peace, your royal highness,” Lee Hoseok added in the low voice he had barely used, mainly communicating through silent movements of his lips, and bowed down graciously.

Hyungwon had never been more grateful about the presence of the black shadows all around him, watching every step. Not only his but also of the people surrounding him. The knowledge that there was somebody close to act and reinstate order was calming, sufficient to slow down his heartbeat.

_It's safer this way, Hyungwon._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 15th of January at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
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	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Listen, this- is literally why I hate everything here so fucking much. I won’t ever- be the person to do that. Ever. I don’t care what your fucked-up rules say. Nothing will change if I succumb to it, I can’t support this shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

He felt as if someone had put him into a glass cage and eased him into the deepest part of the ocean, unable to breathe and without a single ray of sunlight coming through the thick mass of dark water. Sitting on the blue carpet in his room, he suddenly felt like ripping all his clothes from his body, the fabric created an even worse feeling of tension in addition to everything else. He felt constricted, unable to move and unable to regain his senses because he was forced to give up his additional phones when the palace security had gone through every suitcase, he had brought inside the stone walls. There was no point in trying to live like before, he had to find another solution.

He was really good at using his brain, he really was, but the possible solutions seemed less and less likely, more like illusions created in his head that faded like the smoke of a cigarette as soon as he exhaled, mingling with the air and leaving him empty, just like before.

Hoseok jumped up and went to the door that connected his room to the other rooms and locked it. He then pulled the curtains in front of the window, to be sure that no-one was watching. He could never be sure, starting to get paranoid with the prince being the palace police and trying to educate him on how to behave. He had trouble holding himself back from crawling over the fucking table until their noses touched and he told the painted asshole what he thought about him, his palace and his fucking family. But of course, he didn’t, instead he had left the breakfast hall, after acting out the nice husband-to-be and babbling something meaningless before disappearing to his room and emptying out his wardrobe in an attempt to calm himself down. He felt similar now, it didn’t disappear, instead it had gotten worse.

Positioning himself in front of the huge golden mirror, he suppressed the need to break it and took his clothes off instead, layer after layer until he was completely naked. His pale skin was covered in intricate patterns and lines, his stomach, sides, thighs and also his lower back and butt. It made him feel calmer, as if he, the person, the human Lee Hoseok was still there, under all the perfectly ironed shirts and nicely fitting suit pants. He had already seen his attire for official events which made him nauseated and ready to vomit at the display of wealth and royalty. Standing naked in the middle of the pressuring four walls, he felt at least a little more sane, as if it was okay, almost bearable.

_You can make it, Hoseok. She said that you would be able to do it. She told you on the phone, reassuring you instead of telling you about her own problems. Yours probably seem ridiculously childish to her._

They didn’t. Lucy had always been his family, the person who cared the most, who spent an insane amount of time helping him deal with all the bullshit and to keep fighting. She had told him about the fucked-up society as he had barely any access to unbiased information. She was the reason he was alive. He had to keep living for her.

_But you’re doing a shitty job, you just ate this thing at breakfast and refused to eat anything at lunch or dinner. But you have to Hoseok, you know well how it can end._

He did. Sighing, he decided to put on the ugly silk pajamas while ditching his underwear and go out into the garden. He had noticed some apple trees and the fruits had looked good back when he was there on the involuntary walk with Yewon.

The guards almost always waited in front of the main door as nobody really expected him to go out of his room by passing through the other rooms.

_Dumbasses._

Unlocking the door silently, he peeked outside, and waited until nobody was looking to slip out and to climb down the marble stairs without making any noise. Yes, he hadn’t put on shoes, but they would’ve immediately noticed by the noise, and he was better at moving silently if he was barefoot. Sneaking past a few more palace guards, he finally managed to slip through a basement door to the outside, breathing in the fresh night air and making his way to the inner garden. It was safer.

There was barely any light, only small LED spots in the paved walkways showed him where he was heading, in addition to the moon shining so prettily. Being in the garden at night almost seemed bearable, which is why it had become a tradition he had tested out a few times. It made him feel free, at least a little bit.

There was a bench, but he hated benches, so he lay down on the grass, still warm from the sunny afternoon and sending pleasant waves of warmth through the thin fabric of his clothes. Hoseok focused on the sky that was almost black apart from the stars that were clearly visible due to the lack of clouds and the rather secluded location of the palace. He sighed. Why did people prefer to rot inside cement buildings instead of feeling free outside? Wasn't it better to actually see the world and learn from it instead of teaching themselves the same things over generations, forcing strict and inhumane rules on themselves and everybody else? He didn’t know, the only thing he knew was that he missed Lucy.

The sudden rustling of leaves close by caught his attention, almost resembling the wind but too arranged to be a random breeze. The sound wasn't steady and loud like the palace guards, instead it was soft, almost like bare feet, calculated steps to create the least amount of noise. Hoseok could only tell the vague direction the sound had come from as it didn't repeat.

Looking to the side, he spotted a slim figure moving quietly and looking around. As the stranger stepped closer to one of the spotlights along the path, Hoseok instantly recognized the short platinum blonde hair

The prince.

The tall boy was moving differently than usual, not as straight-backed while still placing each foot in front of the next smoothly, minimizing the noise. It resembled a dance when he lifted one of his long legs and carefully chose the next spot to place his naked foot. Each step fit perfectly with a breeze of the wind, rustling leaves.

Just like Hoseok, the blonde man was in silk pajamas but instead of the white clothes he usually wore the fabric was as black as the night, perfectly melting into the darkness. Only his bright hair easily revealed that it was him.

As quickly as the boy stepped into the lit area, he disappeared to the side, hidden among trees.

Hoseok could see how the prince sank to the ground among several blooming bushes a little further off and lay down on the soft grass. He lifted up on his elbows and stared at the sky, bright hair reflecting the rays of the moonlight.

He almost started talking loudly, but then he remembered that they could've been heard. Therefore, he turned to the side instead, crawling towards the blonde man quietly until there was only a little distance between them. He must've looked ridiculous on all fours.

“Psst,” he hissed at the boy, watching him intently. There wasn't enough light to make a final judgement, but he looked way better than during the day.

_That's probably the reason. Because it's fucking dark, Hoseok._

His attempt at communication was met with the prince almost snapping his neck with how quickly he turned towards him. Approximately two seconds passed before the blonde man jumped up like in those martial arts movies Lucy liked to watch and disappeared behind a tree. It felt like Hoseok had only blinked once, and had he not observed the prince for several moments before that, he might have concluded that he imagined his presence.

_Is he fucking kidding you?_

Hoseok lifted up on his feet and walked towards the tree calmly.

“Listen, this is not some royal TV drama and I'm not an assassin, so chill out,” he murmured, while almost reaching his target.

He was impressed by how quiet the other man was able to be, even though he was being utterly ridiculous. There was no sound at all, not even the light rustling of leaves or soft exhales. Standing in front of the stupid tree, he waited a few seconds, before curling his arm around it and grabbing whatever was there, fingers wrapping around a slim wrist.

After feeling the cool skin, he loosened his grip a little and walked around the tree, leaning against it.

“Let's not be ridiculous, I didn't want to scream, so I crawled over,” he commented and let go.

Ice-blue eyes focused on him, reflecting enough light despite the darkness that surrounded them. Hoseok struggled to decipher the prince's facial expression, but his eyes and hair were difficult to overlook.

“Lee Hoseok?” the low voice whispered as the big eyes widened even further. “Why would you crawl towards me while attempting to convince me that you are not an assassin? It is not very convincing, especially in the middle of the night.”

“I see your point, but there was literally no other way apart from scaring the shit out of you or screaming through the gardens. Not to be that person, but if a dude in pajamas crawls over to you it's probably not an assassin. Don't know how familiar you are with this, but yeah,” he elaborated but stopped himself in time before making a sexual joke in front of the ‘royal highness’. A gay joke.

_The best, Hoseok. You're the best._

The blonde man's eyes narrowed and jumped back and forth on his face, probably struggling to see with the blackness that surrounded them. Hoseok’s hair was probably not helping.

“I did not see your pajamas and I am more familiar with this than you might think, Lee Hoseok. Attacks are most commonly from the inside and unfortunately from people that appear close,” the prince whispered as his voice became quieter with each word, like the topic was one he preferred to avoid. Swallowing visibly, he glanced away. “You should watch your language.”

_That prick._

“I didn't mean the assassins. Anyway, I’m not close to you and I'm a pacifist, so you can rest assured. My language is fine for talking to a tree in the middle of the night.” Leaning a tiny bit closer, Hoseok realized what seemed different about the blonde man. He didn't look like a wall, instead his skin seemed smooth and darker.

“Your language is not appropriate for any kind of situation. I have never heard a noble spill such words from his mouth,” was the quiet reply as the prince glanced away again and leaned against the tree, avoiding his gaze. It was unusual to see him in dark clothes. “Why have you left the palace walls?”

“First of all, that's bullshit. Language doesn't say anything about me and me talking like this will give you the most accurate picture of me. Sure, you probably don't want to know anything, but I don't give a fuck about that either, so…” Hoseok crossed his arms in front of his chest before replying. “Because I thought I'd choke - and I wanted to eat an apple. What about you?”

It was fascinating to see how the prince continued to avoid his gaze, staring at the soft grass beneath their feet until Hoseok mentioned his fear of choking inside the palace. As soon as he did, the blonde man looked up and met his eyes again, visibly surprised.

“Our reasons might be similar even though I would describe it differently. Why have you not requested fruit if you felt hungry?”

_Request fruit. Oh god._

“I have no appetite when I'm in there, here on the other hand it gets a little better, so I like lying on the grass and eating apples at night. Sounds weird but it's really nice and the stars are super pretty.” Hoseok smiled and looked around trying to find the apple tree he had been searching for.

“They are,” the other man agreed in his low voice before brushing through his hair briefly. The action pointed out that his blonde strands weren't as orderly as usual, a few were covering his forehead messily instead of falling over it in arranged locks. “But- you are misjudging me, Lee Hoseok. I do wish to get to know you as you are meant to become part of the family. I just don't understand your contempt towards me.”

_He wants to get to know you? What the fuck? Is it also some kind of rule?_

“You don't understand? What exactly? Tell me more about it after I find this apple tree, I'm dying,” he murmured as his stomach started making loud noises and he messed up his hair, groaning out of frustration about his inability to take care of his body.

Once he chose a direction and began walking, the prince cleared his throat behind him.

“That's- the wrong direction,” he murmured. “But I can show you if you like. There are other fruits too, pears and cherries if you favor them.”

“I definitely ‘favor’ not dying right now, so yes, please show me. I have only been here three times and the arrangement looks the same.” Hoseok caught up with the prince, who started walking in the other direction. The wind blew and a few stray leaves flew from the trees, one landing in the blonde man's hair. Hoseok reached for the strand covering the prince's forehead and attempted to remove the leaf while walking.

The prince instantly slapped his hand away and stopped moving, eyes wide.

“Wh- why would you touch me?” he murmured and stepped back instantly. He seemed shocked by something as simple as that.

_He's sensitive._

“Sorry, there's a leaf in your hair,” he mumbled and isolated his index finger, lifting it to the other man's forehead. Suddenly something caught his attention. The difference between his own finger and the prince's skin. He was darker than him, not like Lucy, but it was definitely by a lot.

_They paint him because of that? What the actual fuck?_

He got angry suddenly, biting down on his bottom lip to suppress his verbal diarrhea.

“I apologize for my rough response,” the blonde man in front of him whispered and lifted up his own hand to search for the leaf before he finally found it and let it fall on the grass. “I am usually not meant to be touched, so it caught me off guard. Also, dropping the title is something that only occurs when two individuals are close, but you said that we are not, so you keep confusing me.”

“What? You mean nobody actually touches you? How is that even possible?” Hoseok successfully ignored the title bullshit and continued walking, using the brief moments when they passed the spotlights to look at the prince's face. Maybe because it was dark, but he looked pretty. Young, younger than him at least and very soft. Big eyes and thick lips adding to the picture.

“The servants that dress me do,” the prince spoke, moving his mouth minimally but enough to instantly grab Hoseok’s attention. The prince's lips were really red, even without makeup. “But it is considered inappropriate if anybody else does, so it shocked me. Mostly it is to be dressed and for self-defense.”

Chewing on his cheek, the tall boy carefully snuck past several bushes before reaching a gigantic apple tree. It was gorgeous, thick branches and fruits of various colors, most a juicy, dark red. The prince lifted up on his tiptoes briefly and reached out with his long and slim arm to pick one, a beautiful red color that he handed to Hoseok.

“But you don't like to be touched, right? Because then my apology is still valid, everything else is bullshit I don't care about. It does make me sad though, I love hugging and I miss it, so I don't know how you must feel having lived like this forever,” he elaborated before grinning. “I already picked an apple.” Taking three steps, he jumped up, grabbing the thick branch and hanging on it until he felt stable enough to curl his leg around it to free one of his hands. Reaching up, he picked the huge, red apple he had eyed before and let himself fall, landing on both feet.

The other man had looked rather concerned until he chuckled at his antics.

“You prefer to see your actions bear their own fruit?” he asked with a smile, plump lips spreading out prettily and emphasizing his round cheeks. “I am sure that I would also enjoy hugging. It's human after all, but it is not my turn yet.”

“Your what? Your turn? What are you talking about? I didn't mean making out, or sex, I meant basic human affection. Simply hug your sister, or some person who is close to you. I bet your sister would also like that, she's super lonely and she seems to kinda like you.” Hoseok brushed his hair back, a little hot after the random tree climbing and bit into his apple, savoring the fresh sweetness in his mouth and humming, satisfied with his choice.

Once he glanced at the prince, he was met with wide ice-blue eyes again and parted lips, not commenting on what his problem was for several extended seconds.

“I do hug the princess. At least I did,” he replied eventually and turned away. With slow steps the tall boy made his way to the tree trunk and leaned against at. “You should really watch your words.”

“And why now? How do you even communicate if you're not allowed to say anything? But the hugging is very nice of you. She might appreciate that.” Taking another bite, Hoseok closed the distance and sat down on the grass across from the prince, staring up at him before performing a bow with a wide grin on his face.

_You can't live without mocking the royals, can you? It’s not food, Hoseok, you should be more concerned about food._

“There is not a single thought that one can’t express without curses, Lee Hoseok. I was taught that cursing is a sign of disrespect and it makes me uncomfortable. I do not know how to respond appropriately. You are mocking me and again I wonder why, have I upset you with my own discomfort?” The prince talked calmly as his naked feet rubbed over the soft grass repeatedly. He still didn't look at Hoseok and glanced up instead, watching the stars through the tree branches.

_He thinks he's a better human because he talks like the royal TV channel. He just doesn't know that no-one fucking watches that boring shit._

“Listen up, your royal highness, I thought about what curse I used before and you must've meant sex, which is not a curse but a basic human need for that matter. Also, you want me to talk to you like a stuck-up robot, using the same bullshit expressions while saying absolutely nothing? Of course, what did I expect? I think I'm just going nuts that's why I thought talking to you was a good idea.” He stood up and narrowed his gaze, taking the rest of his apple and turning around to throw it somewhere in between the trees far away. He should've played baseball.

“I do not expect you to talk like a robot, I am just trying to get used to the idea of another person that is part of my family. You are still a mystery to me, Lee Hoseok. You are the first person that sneaks out into the garden at night apart from me. At the same time, you use curses which is something I have been taught to never use even under torture. It's just- unusual.” The blonde man sighed and pushed his body off the tree, carefully making his way towards him. “Let us go back, dawn is not far anymore.”

_You're not part of his family and you never will be._

“You didn't even hear me curse properly,” he muttered and exhaled sharply, walking a few steps before turning around, adrenaline affecting his behavior like venom.

“I hate your painted face.” Staring at the boy, he traced his facial features with his gaze before focusing on his ice-blue eyes. “But like this you are pretty.”

It was quiet as the prince focused his gaze on him, blue color reflecting the light as his lips parted a little. It was almost like he wanted to reply but hesitated.

“You're the first one,” he whispered eventually.

“I must have an extraordinary sense of aesthetics if I'm the only one in this crazy place that thinks so." Grinning, he turned around and jumped to the side, stepping on the grass instead of the pathway, enjoying the soft ground and the way the tiny grass stalks tickled his feet.

The blonde boy smiled briefly as he joined him, eyes returning to his feet and the careful way in which he placed them on the ground, making almost no noise.

“Thank you for saying that.”

“I like your skin color more than mine,” he whispered before they reached the basement door, he had left open to go back inside without having to pass the guards.

“But why? Doesn't it give you freedom, the possibility to be as you are without the constant fear of rejection?” the other whispered and pursed his lips. “I hate my skin color. You haven't seen it in proper light yet and I hope you never will.”

_Holy shit. Why does he think fucked up stuff like that?_

“I’d love to see it, it's probably really beautiful.” Lifting his hand, he held it next to the prince's big palm, making sure not to touch him. The contrast was crazy and he loved it, as expected. “My skin color makes me look like a supporter of everything that's wrong with this whole concept. I hate it, there's no freedom in it, just everything I hate. It's the reason I'm here in this place. I'd give it to you as a present, but your family would just use it to keep the prejudice and your own skin is too pretty to paint it white.”

Ice-blue eyes remained set on his, intense in the way they looked in combination with the boy’s blonde hair and beautiful skin.

“But I am not the one to decide that. I believed that being on the positive spectrum of skin fetishism was freeing, but- you are the first person I meet that hates it. Like me.”

“We have something in common, who would've thought that,” he whispered after keeping the prince's gaze for a few more seconds before breaking the eye contact and gesturing towards the door. ‘Let's go’ he mouthed.

A pretty smile appeared on the plump lips as the blonde boy shook his head.

“I know the palace like the back of my hand and have my own path back. Take care, Lee Hoseok and have a good night,” he whispered and nodded once before turning around and disappearing behind one of the marble stairs, quiet like a feather.

Careful not to make any noise, Hoseok moved along the hallways until he reached his room and slipped inside. His stomach felt better, even though an apple was barely enough, but he had to take what he could get.

 

After locking the doors and taking everything off his body, he brushed his teeth and crawled under the silky blanket. His eyes felt heavy, but something about the meeting at night created ambivalent feelings inside his chest. On the one hand it was nice, he had talked to someone, without being forced to act according to protocol.

_Not that you really care, do you?_

But on the other hand, it felt weird, strange to have a talk with someone from the royal family, the people who were mostly responsible for the problems that existed in society. It was confusing to know more about the people, it even seemed as if they also lived in a set up world, not realizing that they were the ones who had set it up.

_He'll never understand, will he?_

Probably not.

 

_

 

 

It was another morning, another time he crawled out of his bed and felt like it would've been better if he hadn't been born at all. He missed Lucy, everything they talked about, her hugs and the comfort his best friend was able to give him. She had been able to make his life seem meaningful in some ways, persuading him that he was able to change something, that he could use the ‘privilege’ he had to fight and to create something different instead of the current society. It didn't feel like it, instead he felt like staying in bed all day as the things he had done had no meaning at all. He tried to keep up with university lectures through books, but it was hard, especially without Lucy, who basically tutored him.

_You need to get her back._

He got dressed slowly, hating every layer he put on his skin and walked out through the main door, constantly fooling the guards into the belief that he never used the other door. He hoped that Yewon was in the breakfast hall so he could ask her for her phone to talk to Lucy. He needed to find a way, otherwise he felt that he'd just stop finding the energy to get up and eat which would definitely result in dying at some point. Lucy didn't want that.

Nodding at the guard, he waited until he was announced, feeling exhausted and not in the mood to create a mess and stepped into the room, spotting the prince instead of Yewon.

_They painted his face again. Idiots._

Bowing gracefully, he closed the distance and sat down at the same spot he had used before, not having enough energy to remember where his actual seat was. Reaching for the coffee, he poured himself a cup and took a careful sip, quietly. His stomach started making noises, so he put something on his beautifully designed, but far too extravagant plate without recognizing what it was.

“I will accept a silent greeting. You look exhausted, maybe you should rest today,” the blonde man remarked before glancing at his choice of food in confusion.

Lifting his gaze slowly, Hoseok stared at the blonde man for a few seconds.

_He can't let you live, can he?_

“Good morning, your royal highness,” he murmured, before focusing his gaze on the patterns covering his coffee cup, again being more ornate than necessary.

There was no reply for a few seconds. Each motion of the prince made him seem impossibly aware of each person in the room, back perfectly straight and lips pursed

“Leave us.”

The servants obeyed immediately, clearing out of the room one by one with a deep bow and closing the heavy door behind themselves. The guards most likely remained outside, only waiting to follow him around again.

Once the room was utterly silent, the prince cleared his throat and placed a piece of pancake into his mouth, chewing slowly and swallowing before he returned his attention to Hoseok.

“That carrot is decorative and I doubt that you consider it sufficient for a breakfast after skipping both lunch and dinner and ‘inhaling’ exactly one apple. I fear you are not in your best condition, Lee Hoseok.”

_Now you have the prince taking care of your meals, amazing Hoseok._

Staring at his plate for a few seconds he pushed the carrot to the side and took what lay next to his right hand which happened to be a cube of cheese. Sticking his fork into it, he let it disappear in his mouth, chewing slowly, before swallowing it down with a gulp of his hot coffee.

“Why did you send your friends outside? Aren't you afraid that I will curse again?” he asked while letting his head rest on one of his palms, feeling too weak to keep up the pretense when no-one was there.

“I didn't want them to judge you for lacking the strength and sleep to behave. You appear obviously confused and I would prefer you cursing without them present, in case you do which I obviously hope you don't,” the prince replied quietly, like he was still perfectly aware of all the people outside the door.

Lifting his gaze, he looked at the prince's eyes for a few seconds before watching his features intently. He looked so different during the day, he didn't like it, especially after he had seen the other man outside the night before.

“That's so nice of you, your royal highness,” he replied and sighed, closing his eyes for a few seconds. “I'm not confused. I never am.”

“So, you are only not in the mood to follow through?” the blonde man asked before placing a sandwich on Hoseok’s plate, subtly, like he hadn’t meant to do it but did it anyway, now that no-one else was in the room. “I hope you do have the right mood to keep our…’nightly endeavor’ in pleasant silence.”

_Ah, he wants you to keep quiet, that's why he's so interested._

“Ah, that's why, I was wondering, as I neither asked you to spank me nor insulted you in any way today, but still you seem to dislike my behavior. Don't worry, I'll never talk about that, my life is like this, ninety percent pretending and ten percent hating myself for it.” Hoseok took another sip of his coffee and kept his gaze attached to the ice-blue eyes, ignoring the sandwich.

“I don't dislike your behavior, not completely. It's unusual and I don't know how to act, but it seems like you have made it work outside the palace without trouble. It just doesn't really suit the palace and what I’ve learned.” Licking over his lips, the prince took a sip out of his own cup of coffee and continued slowly devouring his pancake, not breaking the eye contact even once. The prince never did. “Everybody is pretending, Lee Hoseok, it's almost our cultural heritage.” It was the first time that the blonde man sounded sarcastic, tensing the muscles in his jaw.

“And that's the reason for not wanting to eat, I have the feeling I might accidentally vomit in front of your royal highness. But let me give you a spoiler, I might be able to act like it, but I will never fit this place, your sister, you, or anything else that is part of all this. Maybe it's better if you don't surround yourself with people like me, you might get some insight.” Hoseok smirked and pushed the plate away, feeling nauseous and suspecting the color in his face, if there was any, had disappeared.

“Please stay, you should eat, even if you dislike my presence and everything I stand for,” the prince answered quickly, hand automatically reaching out like he was worried about Hoseok’s balance before he pulled it back. “You are already promised, Hoseok- Lee Hoseok. The only thing you can do is either fit in or make the palace fit. I'm hesitant about how well that will work with the second.”

He laughed, still feeling dizzy, as the prince's face blurred in front of his eyes.

“You're mistaken, I'm not promised,” he started, standing up carefully, to not lose balance. “I was sold.” Closing his eyes, he tried to lift up on his tiptoes to improve the blood flow.

“Sold? This- this isn't slavery,” the blonde man remarked, eyes focused on him like he expected him to faint any second while widening at his words, as if they genuinely shocked him. “It is a successful tradition. Love develops after marriage and has been fruitful in everybody I have seen.”

“God, how old are you? Twelve? That's the biggest bullshit I've ever heard. It is slavery, you just call it differently and there will be no love. Never, it's just not considered important, you know? The main goal is to keep power and ridiculous inhumane values, that's why I'm here, pale and blue-eyed, ready to serve your royal highness,” Hoseok whispered and bowed in the most gracious way, before turning towards the door and taking slow steps, so as not to faint.

“You're wrong,” the prince whispered in reply but didn't speak further. He also didn't attempt to stop him, waiting for the servants to open the door as soon as they heard Hoseok approach.

His eyes instantly met Yewon's who was standing at the side and looking a little disturbed by the whole thing.

‘What is going on?’ she mouthed and readjusted her long dress.

“Please enjoy your breakfast, your highness,” he murmured and bowed again before taking fast steps towards his room.

After locking the door, the last of his fortitude to stay conscious ran out and let himself sink to the ground slowly, watching himself be engulfed in blackness until a pleasant warmth spread through his insides. It was an attempt of his brain to make fainting seem comfortable and pleasant.

_Even your brain is pretending._

_You don't even know what’s real anymore._

 

 

***

 

The clock was ticking loudly above his head. He couldn’t see it, but he knew exactly what it looked like. It had hung above the head of the table on the right since he was little, a gorgeous piece decorated with nacre and white gold, adding to the brightness of the room. Hyungwon had loved watching the golden hands slide along the reflecting surface as the king tested his ability to remain silent.

The sound of the ticking clock had been reassuring before.

Now the silence felt pressuring even though Hyungwon should have been used to it. It was him, his plate and his sister sitting all the way across from him at the other end. That was his life in a nutshell but it seemed almost strange after having the black-haired boy next to him only moments ago.

_He is starving himself._

Apparently Hyungwon had upset him somehow, ruined his appetite even though Lee Hoseok had looked hungry and deathly pale, resembling a greenish hue instead of the pretty white he usually was. It was definitely unhealthy and Hyungwon's hypothesis that it was due to lack of food, was the only reason for not contacting the royal physician. Something told him that the other man would not have liked to be checked up on.

_He appears to be full of secrets._

“What did you say to him that he looked like he saw a ghost, Hyungwon?” his sister asked suddenly. Her tone was so impolite that Hyungwon instantly looked up before he remembered that there were no servants in the room. He had sent them out to avoid them talking about the strange behavior of the future prince consort.

“Nothing that I would consider problematic. I fear he has not eaten enough and is therefore not in the best condition,” Hyungwon replied and shifted on his seat to adjust the position of his back again. His pancake had turned cold from all the staring, talking and pressuring silence.

Yewon glanced up, staring at him without saying a single word while her fork pushed the fruit salad in front of her, back and forth. It was made with some of the fruits from the garden, the same ones he had picked with Lee Hoseok the night before.

“Let him be, Hyungwon. He had to say goodbye to his family and what he is used to and come all the way over here, cut off from everything else. Give him a break, he can’t switch and pretend to be cheerful around you all the time. The whole thing is a mess for him and he’s struggling.” His sister sighed loudly and pushed her food to the side like she had also lost her appetite. Hyungwon seemed to have a negative effect on people that joined him for breakfast.

_But he’s not the only one. This is also different for you. It's the first time a new person has come to live in the palace._

Of course, Hyungwon had not left home and what he grew up with, but the situation changed for him too. He was not used to cursing in the palace, especially not by nobility. He was also not used to anybody else breaking rules by leaving the palace at night and roaming around the garden. All of these actions were condemned and actually worth reporting. He disliked that there was somebody who knew, someone who had seen him run around at night.

_He’s the first and even though he said that he will keep the secret, it is terrifying._

“I just don’t want the servants to talk about him because he is different. You know how quickly rumors start and he is doing everything to speed up the process at the moment. I don’t want him to be confronted by father because of this.”

“Neither do I, so shut up,” Yewon murmured and stood up, dress catching on the chair briefly until she pulled it away. His sister’s behavior was more hostile towards him than usual, like she wished to protect the black-haired man, from Hyungwon.

_He said there will be no love, but how else can you explain her behavior? She cares about him, as she should._

Hyungwon made sure his hair was in place and arranged in the way it was meant to be before he stood up as well to return to his chambers and continue with his carefully planned out routine. There were violin and piano lessons, politics, foreign languages and math, all of which were done in the form of homeschooling. It was tiring, but Hyungwon was used to it and might have considered his day empty had it not been filled until the last second.

_You have no time to be thinking about new additions to the royal family._

There had been a time when Hyungwon was ill and wasn’t able to participate in his usual activities, remaining in bed throughout. He had enjoyed the first day but eventually it had become tiring in itself, making him feel even more locked inside his bedchambers than he usually felt. The garden was something he needed to feel at ease. Just because there was somebody else who broke the palace laws and roamed around outside, didn't mean that he had to remain bedridden and keep all thoughts focused on the perpetrator.

If the princess’ husband-to-be had lost his appetite because of him, he would just have to let the servants bring him food to compensate and forget about everything else. Starvation was no option and pointless. One only became ill and ended up being spoon fed by someone else. Hyungwon doubted that the rather proud black-haired man would have enjoyed that.

Lee Hoseok was different, not fitting into any category of individual Hyungwon had encountered before. He hadn’t met many people, most of them had been noble and invited to private events and parties hosted by the king. Count Lee had joined them countless times, but never with his son as far as Hyungwon could remember. It seemed like Lee Hoseok was someone who had avoided the palace at all costs, only to become a part of it in the end.

_But why? Why does he hate it so much?_

It was almost impossible for Hyungwon to imagine that the black-haired man did not desire comfort and peace, something that his skin color was able to provide him. He could live well-fed, well-dressed and did not have to struggle for his continuing existence. He had a valuable position in society and he was able to place himself into the spot that was carved out for him without worries. Because he belonged there.

_If only you could do the same._

Hyungwon sighed quietly, just enough to feel the air leave his lips but without producing a sound. The guards were attentive and even though they never really talked to him they did report to the king’s guard and the king himself. Everything was well surveilled and it was dangerous to be as nonchalant about responsibilities as Lee Hoseok was.

_He might get in trouble if he continues like that. He doesn’t know the palace well enough._

It really was none of his business, he had enough concerns of his own, but the other man was a part of the family now, someone who belonged to the palace and therefore also belonged next to Hyungwon. The standing and reputation of the royal family was his concern and therefore Lee Hoseok’s behavior was as well.

_You have every reason to be concerned._

Hyungwon had always been good at explaining his own curiosity.

 

_

 

 

It was almost impossible to find adequate words to describe the feeling that uncovering his long legs and finally touching the cold ground with his naked feet evoked in him. Hyungwon didn't know what sailing felt like, with a strong breeze in his hair and the boat moving under him with each passing wave. But he imagined the feeling to be similarly satisfying.

It was just past midnight and the palace appeared black and deserted with the exception of guards who were thorough about their jobs and walked along every hallway and room. Several of them were securely stationed in front of his bedroom door.

_To keep you safe._

But also, to keep him inside, and midnight was the small exception to the rule, the one time he did not follow the rules.

Smiling at the possibility of leaving the glass walls and entering the beautiful garden, Hyungwon rearranged his blanket to appear like he was still sleeping soundly.

His pajamas were still appropriate for the temperatures outside and he was glad about that. Even the garden seemed like a small cage in winter unless there was snow to paint it in a bright white. The silk felt pleasant against his skin as he opened his window a little bit, just enough to be able to climb through the slit. There was a small protrusion approximately a meter below it. It was the perfect height to reach with one leg and just wide enough to harbor his slim foot. It was scary to think that a different body stature might have imprisoned him in his room forever.

Glancing down, Hyungwon ensured that there were no guards. They were marching along a parallel hallway at this time. Hyungwon knew their routes by heart, just like every little corner of the palace. Hoseok was risking his status and safety without sufficient knowledge of the palace walls. The basement entrance he had chosen to enter wasn't safe in the early morning hours.

Climbing down onto the protrusion, Hyungwon felt his way along the walls until he reached an ancient decorative element just above his knee. Its form was perfect for his purpose as it was an animal with a golden ring in its mouth, just right to hold onto safely. Grasping onto the ring with both hands, Hyungwon slowly lowered himself to the window below his which he opened with a key that was safely tucked away in a pocket of his pajamas top. It had taken months until he perfected his escape route. One mistake and he would drop several floors, breaking every single bone in his body. The view outside his window was breathtaking, but so was the fall out of it.

He had imagined it a few times, how the palace guards would be alarmed by the sound of his body hitting the middle of the beautifully decorated plaza. He would have landed in the middle, like the sacrifice of a satanic cult.

Shaking his head at his own thoughts, Hyungwon snuck into one of the smaller rooms that were meant for the queen but never used, especially at night. He made sure to check that at regular intervals.

Once he was on a lower level, the rest of his path to the garden was an easy one. Hyungwon had learned how to be a shadow of the shadows themselves, motions calculated and quiet. Not even a single wood board was allowed to crack on his way out.

In the garden it was more difficult, especially in the dark in autumn, when dry leaves covered the ground in an even layer and each step had to be combined with a strong gush of the wind to not be suspicious.

It was one of the few things that Hyungwon was genuinely confident in, smiling as he finally reached the garden by exiting through a backdoor that wasn't present in the currently known blueprints of the palace. Its story wasn't a pleasant one but Hyungwon wasn't bothered by hypothetical individuals that had died in particular rooms of his home. It just belonged to the old walls.

Grabbing the right arm of a statue of the young, former king, he jumped down and stood in one of the darker areas of the Eastern garden, filled with cherry and ginkgo trees and gorgeous red bushes. The air was sweet, so different from his room that smelled of redwood and the detergent that was used for the half of his clothes that the servants didn’t throw away carelessly after being used once.

A smile instantly found its way to his lips as he snuck deeper into the garden, all the way until he reached the outer wall of the labyrinth. It was his favorite because it was large enough to get disoriented and be challenged for several days trying to escape. One of the king’s advisors had told him that a few hundred years ago it had been used to punish members of the royal family. Only when they managed to escape on their own were they forgiven.

Hyungwon held his breath to listen to the sound of the wind and the rustling leaves as his fingers stroked along the outer wall of the labyrinth.

Suddenly the silence was disturbed by a low voice, somewhere behind the rose bushes.

“I miss you, I have no idea how I'm going to live through this, it will get worse, it already has. Their chandeliers are safely attached, Lucy, there's no hope for me.” Sighing loudly the low voice paused.

There was only one person that would be in the garden apart from him, speaking quietly but without concerns.

_Lee Hoseok._

Hyungwon's eyes widened as he tried to figure out where exactly the other man was. He hadn't heard a reply even though the future prince consort was obviously talking to somebody.

_Who is Lucy and what if they are together? They aren't allowed to be._

A cold shudder ran down Hyungwon's back, freezing his blood for a few seconds in shock. It was forbidden and too heavy a secret for him to keep. The black-haired man wasn't allowed to be close to anybody before the wedding, neither the princess nor anybody else.

_But you would be tarnishing her image if you speak out, it would make her seem undesirable._

He really hoped that there was nobody and the other man was talking to himself, even if it was unlikely.

Rules on purity for individuals outside the royal family weren't as harsh as they were on the princess and him. The black-haired boy might be forgiven for touching a servant girl or one of the other female employees.

Hyungwon snuck closer and hid behind one of the bigger bushes, looking around until he finally saw him.

Lee Hoseok was lying on the grass in his pajamas, first two buttons open and holding a phone against his ear.

“I haven't seen you for ages, I don't even know what you look like anymore. I want a hug and I need to see your face to believe that it will be okay eventually.” The other man's voice was low, he obviously tried to speak quietly. “Also, do you know that they expect me to sleep with her? No fucking way, Lucy, I'm going to die.”

Hyungwon's eyes widened and he instantly covered his mouth with his palm to contain any noise that threatened to escape his lips.

_He's not talking to anybody in the palace. It's a woman from outside._

It felt like he was suddenly pushed into a plot, one that involved the future prince consort being in love with another woman while rejecting the princess.

_Yewon likes him, but he's in love with another woman. That's why he says there won't be any love._

Hyungwon couldn't believe how the advisors had not been able to pick up on that. Usually men in relationships were not considered as they could have bad thoughts towards the princess for causing the breakup of the relationship. Hoseok had been cursing when he talked to his sister and called her ugly.

_He probably detests her for taking him away from his lover._

And still Yewon must have had feelings for him, protecting him against Hyungwon even though he had no bad intentions.

“You don't understand, the prince looks kind of pretty, but they paint him like a fucking wall. I can't look at it. I wanted to climb over that stupid table and would've scrubbed the hideous paint off his handsome face. If I hadn't been on the verge of fainting that is. Fuck my life, Lucy, just come here and shoot me.” Hoseok threw his head back, groaning and thereby showing his pale, naked chest to Hyungwon who stood behind him.

The future prince consort had wanted to climb over the table to... rub off his make-up? Out of all reasons that had popped up inside Hyungwon's head when he met the black-haired man's ocean-blue eyes, this was not among them. It seemed like Lee Hoseok’s head was wired differently, focused on features that weren't relevant.

_Why would he care about you being pretty in the first place? It's irrelevant._

In addition, Hyungwon didn't understand how the black-haired man could consider it appropriate to undress in the middle of the garden, showing way more skin than appropriate, even if he believed to be alone and was on the phone with a lover.

_Hope that you won't hear anything that you don't want to hear._

“What? No, my dick will fall off, you don't even know what you're talking about,” the other man exclaimed before listening for a few more seconds. “Yes, I promise that I'll eat. A bit at least. I love you, I have to talk to Yewon, maybe she has an idea of what we can do about it, she's okay, she really is.”

The whole thing just got more and more confusing and Hyungwon felt the sudden need to change the channel and watch something sensible, politics or history, or generally something that he had proper knowledge of. He had no idea what exactly would cause harm to the black-haired man's genitals and how he could consider Yewon ‘okay’ and include her into some plans with his lover.

_Won't she get hurt, knowing that there is somebody else?_

In addition, Lee Hoseok had no other choice but to lay with his sister, it was law and not following through would ruin her reputation.

The call ended and Hoseok threw his head back so far that he ended up staring between the two bushes behind him. And right into his eyes.

_Oh no._

Hyungwon froze in place, hand still covering his mouth.

Instead of being shocked, the black-haired man - who basically lay on the grass half naked and just talked to his lover on the phone - grinned.

“Oh, look who's here.”

Hyungwon continued staring, utterly shocked by the nonchalance with which Lee Hoseok reacted to being caught. Had it been him he would have already lost his mind from all the terror that would be spreading through his limbs and burning every coherent thought.

_Like now, you're terrified even though you didn't do anything._

“Why are you undressed?” he whispered instead of replying to the rather obvious question.

“What?” Looking down on himself, the black-haired man sat up and turned around to face him. “I worked out and got hot. I thought you were shocked because I said ‘dick’ but it just seems as if you simply don't know what undressing is. Want me to show you?” Sea-blue eyes focused on his as Lee Hoseok didn't make any attempts to close the buttons of his pajama top.

“I am perfectly aware of what undressing means, Lee Hoseok, I do it on a daily basis just like you. The difference being that I don't do it out in the open like this, for everybody to see who tries hard enough. Why would you want to show me?” Raising an eyebrow, Hyungwon began to feel strange hiding behind a rose bush and stepped out, sitting down on the soft grass instead, not too far from the other man. “I am familiar with the other word you mentioned, but I would never let it touch my lips.”

Lee Hoseok watched him intently before something in the other man's expression changed drastically and the plump lips spread in a rather nasty looking grin.

“I would say ‘too bad’ but you wouldn't know what I mean anyway. I would love to educate you by demonstrating and see your shaken face. I love it.”

‘Too bad’? It couldn't be that difficult to know what the other man meant. Obviously, he wanted Hyungwon to speak like him, curse at every second word.

“I will not be shaken by something as simple as another man undressing. You probably don't look much different from me. The only thing that shocks me are the circumstances. Had you done it behind closed doors next to a bath I would not mind, Lee Hoseok,” he replied and shook his head in dismay. The black-haired man kept putting thoughts and opinions inside his head that weren't necessarily true.

Sighing loudly, the other man looked at him, slightly annoyed.

“See? You know nothing. Also, I definitely look different from you, believe me. You'd probably faint, naive as you are.” Brushing his black bangs back, Lee Hoseok lifted an eyebrow. “But I won't show you. Not you and not your sister.”

Hyungwon's blood boiled at something the other man had said, but it took a few moments until it became apparent.

_He called you naive, just like father does sometimes._

“I'm not naive,” he hissed. “I just never had the opportunities to gain experiences like you did, so shut your mouth.”

The pink mouth formed a perfect ‘o’ as Hoseok lifted his flexible eyebrow once again, this time in surprise.

“Do you want to gain experiences? Because my hypothesis on this matter is that you're using the ‘poor me, I couldn't do it’ excuse for everything. You make choices all the time, even if it's the decision to deal with something you don't like. It's still a decision, you fool.” Rolling up the sleeves of his pajama top, Lee Hoseok revealed his pale, muscular forearms that he crossed in front of his chest.

The other man knew nothing. It was like he expected Hyungwon to just kick the front gates open and march into the blurriness that was his image of the city outside the palace.

“Of course, I want to gain experiences, as a king I will have to make informed decisions, but if I don't have the experiences to do so I won't be able to do it. But I am not allowed to go out for safety reasons and it's not my turn to have a wife yet.” Hyungwon sighed and brushed through his hair, accidentally messing it up. But there was no mirror to correct it.

The other man's face was capable of expressing every existing emotion in its perfect form. This time it was disgust.

“Have I upset you with something I said?” Hyungwon asked, a little shocked by the reaction.

“You talking about ‘wife’ ‘turn’ and experiences in the same sentence. I'll take you with me when I manage to go out, so you'll have some fun before rotting in here for the rest of your life. Don’t think you'll get any emotions from the wife that will be sold into the palace. Just like me.” Lee Hoseok let himself fall on the grass, spreading his arms wide and baring more of his pale, muscular chest.

He was definitely broader in build than Hyungwon was, the way the light fell onto his chest and emphasized the curve of his pecs was a clear proof of that.

_Maybe that's why he works out._

“My mother always said that a wife will be like a friend and partner to me, the person that defeats the loneliness that living in the palace brings. So, it is something I am waiting for,” Hyungwon murmured in reply, also lying down carefully, blonde hair spreading out over the grass. He hoped that it could become comprehensible to the black-haired man. After all he had no way of meeting individuals outside the palace. Only those that came in could become friends and family.

“You’re a misogynistic pig. I mean, sure, your mom told you that. There's no way she would tell you the truth which is that your dad is an arrogant dick and she should’ve drowned in the river instead of marrying him. It may have been a legit opinion, but one she would never be able to voice. That’s how women are treated here. The wife is not supposed to be anything. She probably won’t even want to be your wife in the first place. There is this thing, it’s called mutual affection. You try to not be a selfish prick and maybe a nice person likes you for who you are and you like this person back. Then you can have a relationship and work on it, based on the affection and attraction you feel towards each other. There’s motivation and there is also the mindset to be together and make it work. Love. You know?” The black-haired man spoke while keeping his eyes closed before he finished and turned to Hyungwon, staring at him with his sea-blue orbs reflecting the moonlight.

Hyungwon smiled a little at the description. It sounded really nice, the way he imagined it for everybody outside of the palace, when there was the chance to meet somebody to fall in love with.

“That sounds really nice,” he whispered and pressed his lips together before continuing. “That's how it is out there, right? Outside the palace. I always thought the palace is the exception because there is no chance to meet anybody and because of the obsession to keep particular traits. I was also unsure about whether love could really develop from nothing, between two individuals that are forced together, but I was shown so many cases in which it worked out. I'm not sure, I wish it could be like you describe it, but I don't think it can with me.”

“I’m from the outside of the palace and look at me! I also don’t have anyone I would really consider a lover, so it’s not that I had to ditch my heart or something. I have to be two-faced. It’s way worse. Worse than anything else. I-” Suddenly the black-haired man smiled and it looked so incredibly sad. “I’m sorry that you have to live like this. I wish I could tell you that I know cases where the marriage wasn’t arranged and the couple became close first, but I can’t.”

_He doesn't want to talk about his lover, but that's understandable. It probably hurts._

“So, you mean it's possible to just live next to each other and feel nothing?” Hyungwon asked, worry spreading inside his chest at the thought. It was terrifying, like including another glass cage in addition to the one he called his home. “But I am sorry too, sorry that you have to be here despite having somebody you care about. The advisors usually choose somebody who is not bound to anybody on the outside in order to not break relationships.”

“Huh? I mean it’s so fucking marvelous of them, but I’m not in a relationship. What made you think that?” Hoseok asked, pure surprise widening his round eyes.

“Because- you just talked to her on the phone, didn't you? Telling her that you love her and wish to embrace her again,” Hyungwon whispered hesitantly and rubbed his feet over the grass in a nervous gesture, unsure what to do with himself. Eavesdropping was dishonorable, even if Lee Hoseok didn't seem to mind.

“Aaah, you thought I was romantic with Lucy? No, no fucking way. She’s my best friend, we’ve known each other since we were kids and she is my only real friend, so not talking to her and not telling her about my worries makes me want to perish. I say that I love her, but it’s as platonic as it goes. For her too. When it comes to romantic relationships it’s a little complicated with me. What I know for sure is that I’ll never ever sleep with your sister, you can bet your pretty eyes on that.” Hoseok’s gaze gained intensity as the black-haired man’s facial expression turned serious.

Hyungwon instantly returned the gaze, unable to help the way his own widened in response as he shifted a little on the soft grass. He was a little envious of the other man's close relationship with the woman called Lucy, but he didn't want to admit it, so he sucked his lips into his mouth instead of replying immediately. Despite the friendship and struggling with romantic relationships, he still didn't understand what kept Lee Hoseok from laying with his sister after their wedding.

“Your friendship sounds admirable and very close, but I still don't understand why you would reject my sister if you are not romantically involved. Her reputation will suffer if you deny her, it can be beyond hurtful. People will talk and stamp her off as dissatisfactory, as if she is a toy that you decided not to use. I am opposed to that and don't want you to hurt her.” His fists curled at the thought, anger instantly returning at the image of the black-haired man rejecting her despite knowing the consequences.

“Thank you so much for summing up everything that is wrong with this society. First of all, she’s a gorgeous woman, a gorgeous woman that should be able to do what she likes and sleep with whom she likes and not with her forcefully picked pale, blue-eyed husband who she insulted in the club two weeks ago. Same goes for me, I won’t touch her because she doesn’t deserve to be touched by someone who does not feel anything towards her. I don’t feel anything remotely romantic and also not anything sexual, so I won’t ever lay my fingers on her. She’s so much better than that. Furthermore, I’d never say that out loud. She can come up with whatever story. She can also give me all the blame, I will take it all, say that I’m infertile or whatever bullshit those people need to leave her the fuck alone. God, it makes me want to vomit.” Brushing his hair back again, Lee Hoseok stared him down, as if he was the person who decided that.

He wasn't and there was also nothing he could do about it, nothing that would have helped her, only the black-haired man next to him.

“They never say men are at fault, even if it was them, Ho- Lee Hoseok. You could say that you are infertile as much as you want and everybody would believe that you were being a gentleman for the princess who is the reason for the problem. I appreciate your wish to keep her safe and sound, I feel the same, but just like her I know that she would prefer to get through the wedding night without any harm to her reputation. I'm not very familiar with it but-” Hyungwon paused because it wasn't talked about, ever. He had not even once heard somebody address it directly and he felt scared to do it himself. “She- she is meant to have her hymen broken.”

“Listen, this- is literally why I hate everything here so fucking much. I won’t ever- be the person to do that. Ever. I don’t care what your fucked-up rules say. Nothing will change if I succumb to it, I can’t support this shit. Also, why the fuck aren’t you familiar? Have you never touched yourself? Of course, it’s fucked up, oh my fucking god.” Hoseok leaned closer while talking, gaze focused on his eyes and not letting him escape. It was intimidating beyond belief and Hyungwon could feel warmth spreading on his cheeks, almost burning.

“But- if you don't succumb to it the one who would be hurt is her, not you, so why would you do that to her? Is the resistance worth it? If you want to resist, shouldn't it be properly planned, starting at the grassroots? You would have to convince the people before you overthrow the system. If the king makes a choice that the people dislike there can be protests and enough people can overthrow him, but if the people yearn for something in masses it is difficult to deny it. It's not like the people in the palace would look down on her, everybody would, the press, the media, the common folks on the street that believe purity is a virtue. It's- it's so much more complicated than that.” Hyungwon inhaled sharply, but held the eye contact, unable to give in.

“Now listen up, your royal highness, don’t you dare tell me that it’s the people who have the concept of purity. Your family is where it comes from. The people have been indoctrinated by the hundreds of years of history your family tried so hard to maintain, the values, the incest, the blue-fucking-eyes. You are dishonoring every woman in your blood line by painting your face white and telling people to watch their language. Your family picked a husband for her even though her happiness should’ve been the first priority. It’s the nobles, like my parents, who don’t give a single shit about their son, letting him suffer through all kinds of disgusting things, but making sure that the shirt is white and the belt is closed high enough on the hips, selling him to the fucking palace because that’s how they can sell more tanks. You ask me why I would do that to her? Because that’s what I consider the right thing to do.” Hoseok’s lower lip trembled a little as he spoke, eyes becoming more and more emotional with each word.

The sight was overwhelming just like the message that kept becoming clearer and clearer, like drops on a pond that created small waves which slowly disappeared and returned the reflection of what was staring into it.

_He hates your family, he hates everything connected to you, the palace, the guards, the food, the skin and the values._

_And you, he hates you for being part of it._

“Hoseok,” Hyungwon began, skipping the last name because it didn't fit the gravity of the situation, tension thick with how close they were lying next to each other and staring into each other's eyes. “If the source of the problem are the values that have been taught for years, pushed into the people's heads for centuries, then why do you consider them victims, but not me? I'm just eighteen, Hoseok, I haven't seen anything else. I agree with you that it sounds horrendous, but there was no way for me to see. I want to see and understand and I'm sure that I could... if only you would show me.”

The sea-blue eyes came even closer as the black-haired man leaned on his elbow and exhaled against his face.

“Because you- will be king.”

They were close, too close, but it seemed like Hyungwon's hands were frozen in place, holding onto a few stalks of grass.

“But isn't that even more reason to show me?”

“You want me to show you? The outside?” Hoseok whispered as they were way too close for anything besides that. Hyungwon could feel his heart beat against his chest, furiously as it pumped the blood through his body, hammering in his ears. It seemed like he was making a mistake, agreeing on something dangerous that could cost him his life. He was meant to become king, kept from the outside until the time came.

_But how can you be king if you don't know who your people are?_

Hyungwon swallowed and licked over his lips, staring at those ocean-blue eyes as he hesitated. It felt like he could see the storm in them, the same sensation that he imagined each time he slipped out of his silk sheets, preparing to break the rules.

It wasn't the first time that he considered leaving the glass walls, to escape for the night. He even knew how, studying the structure and paths of the guards for months. But he had never known where to go once he was outside, what to do, how to act, how to behave. He hadn't even been sure that he could return.

_But with him you could._

“Yes,” Hyungwon whispered and exhaled against the other man's lips, feeling the light wind brush through his hair as he watched the storm inside the black-haired man's eyes.

Hoseok’s curved lips spread in a bright smile, white teeth showing.

“Let’s do it then.”

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You're cute. And you have such a pretty skin color, it's like gold. You look precious.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> 

He must’ve been crazy. After his talk with Lucy and the intensive discussion with the prince, he had offered to take the blonde boy outside of the palace. Sure, he had knowledge on how to act outside and what to show him, but the idea was crazy.

_But so are you._

He was. Eating well for once to keep his body in good condition, he excused himself to his room to study and then sleep.

_As if. There will be no sleep today._

He had smuggled clothes and shoes outside the day before, making sure to find a dry and secluded spot. He’d talked to the prince the night before and informed Lucy over the phone, so that she could pick them up two kilometers from the palace. Using cabs or calling other people was dangerous, so he had done what he always did, namely rely on his best friend. He pulled the silk pajamas over his body, making sure to wear underwear this time, and waited until it was exactly one hour before midnight.

_You’re nuts. You don’t even know how he will react seeing all this and you have no idea what will happen. You’re not even friends and he has a lot to lose._

Hoseok was aware of possible consequences, but he also really wanted to show Hyungwon the city, at least once before the other man rotted behind the glass walls, waiting for his ‘turn’ on whatever it was that had been promised to him.

_He’s so naive._

Peeking out, Hoseok made sure that nobody saw him as he ran down the marble steps, making no sound at all. The familiar stairs and the cellar door were left behind as he rushed to the meeting spot. It was a little cold suddenly and he was happy to be able to change into warmer clothes right after.

Arriving at the designated meeting point, it seemed as if the prince wasn’t there yet, so he looked around, making sure that no-one watched him as he pulled the prepared clothes from under the bush with a grin.

“You actually hid away clothes?” a familiar low voice asked behind him as the prince stepped onto the clearing, wearing black silk pajamas as he had the last few times they had met in the garden at night. His hair was more orderly than usual, almost like he hadn’t slept before coming and his teeth were busy chewing on his bottom lip. The blonde man looked nervous.

“Uhm, yeah? Or did you intend on going in pajamas? You’d get dragged back to the palace, or more likely to the psychiatric ward. You’re skinnier than me, but I do have some pants that are tight on my thighs, so it will look good on you.” Separating the clothes into two piles including shoes and socks, Hoseok inhaled, satisfied. “Well then, feel free,” he commented and pointed at the clothes, unbuttoning his shirt.

“Of course, I didn’t think we would go in pajamas, that is inappropriate,” the prince murmured and glanced to the side. “I just never really wore anything that wasn’t prepared for me. I hope your clothes aren’t too foreign.” There were a few seconds of silence as the blonde man visibly avoided looking at his body until he suddenly gasped. “Wait- do you expect us to change here?”

“You do not expect me to dress you, right?” He tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. “We’re not playing the ‘royal highness’ game here. Also, yes, please feel free to hide behind a bush, but it’s safer if we stay together. Close your eyes if you can’t handle the sight.” Unbuttoning his shirt, he remembered his tattoos, but it was too late.

The quiet was broken as he heard the blonde man next to him exhale harshly. The prince had avoided the sight of his chest, but had watched him while talking, unable to look away as quickly as Hoseok pulled his shirt down his shoulders.

“You-” he exclaimed quietly but didn’t continue, merely staring at him.

_Well, the hiding didn’t go well._

He sighed in resignation and pulled his pajama pants down, revealing more of his tattooed skin to get it over with.

Instead of staring, the prince turned away, silently staring at one of the bushes as Hoseok could hear the quickened breaths leave the other man’s plump lips.

“Why?” he asked suddenly, still looking away while curling and uncurling his fingers repeatedly.

“What? My tattoos? Because I hate the white skin and everything that I had to go through because of it, being a pale and pretty kid. Like this it feels more like me. I feel like myself, I created it and it’s mine,” he murmured and grabbed his ripped jeans, slipping into them and pulling up the zipper. “I put on my pants, don’t overreact.”

The prince slowly turned around again, eyes instantly attaching to the white skin of his chest that was still uncovered, following the patterns of black ink on his stomach and sides.

“It’s- beautiful,” he whispered before biting his lip. “But you could be banned for this, thrown into prison.”

_He considers it beautiful? That’s uncommon._

“Yup, that’s my last resort.” Hoseok grinned and reached down, slipping into the dark grey silk shirt with a low cut. He normally would’ve picked something more colorful, but they weren’t meant to be in the center of attention, rather the opposite. “If you people try to force me too much, I’ll just get undressed and get thrown into prison.”

“You hate it so much that you would give up food, freedom and prosperity for it?” the blonde man asked and stepped a little closer, glancing at the clothes Hoseok had prepared for him.

“Yes,” was his short reply as he put on his socks and slipped into the black sneakers. “I’m ready. Do you need help?” he asked and stepped closer.

“What? No!” the prince exclaimed in panic as he jumped away again and lifted both his large palms for no reason whatsoever. He seemed to struggle with something as he kept chewing his cheek and glancing at Hoseok’s chest despite the tattoos being covered. “I’m- not used to harboring other people’s secrets, especially not of such magnitude. I hope you will never feel the need to protest by uncovering the drawings on your skin.”

“What do you mean? Want to go tell someone? Sure, please feel free, as a king you have to be able to step over people’s lives, it’s never too early to start practicing,” Hoseok whispered and stepped back, folding his pajamas and placing them in the exact same spot.

“You misunderstood. I meant that no-one has ever shared a secret with me, not purposefully. Well, this also didn’t seem like you intended to let me know, but- I won’t tell anybody. I wouldn’t want you to be arrested,” the prince murmured and brushed through his hair, messing up a few of the strands without realizing. “I apologize for acting in a way that made you believe I would go ahead and let you be thrown into prison.”

“To be honest I kind of expected that, so no need to apologize, you’ll act the way you need to act, sooner or later.” He smiled to himself, helplessness making his hands shiver a little, before he caught himself and put them into the pockets of his ridiculously tight jeans. “Feel free, or do you want me to turn around? Isn’t it unfair that you saw me? Now you have to show what you got.”

His offer seemed to shock the prince as his eyes widened and he simply stared, eyes remaining large.

“Is that some kind of rule on the outside? I am actually not supposed to undress in front of others, only servants have seen me undressed and also not completely,” the blonde man murmured, visibly uncomfortable with Hoseok’s eyes on him. He slowly stepped a little further away, almost subconsciously. “You kept my secret, so I will keep yours but I do not see why you would need to see me- shed layers of clothing.”

_Why is he so annoying but also so fucking cute?_

“I can’t remember any secret I’ve kept, but sure, whatever you say. I do not necessarily need to see you, but I want to. I’m no worse than a servant so, please hurry the fuck up, your royal highness, or I’ll help you,” he hissed and reduced the distance again, eyes focused on the blonde boy in pajamas. It was ridiculous.

“Can’t you just look away?” the low voice asked, eyes remaining big but hands reaching up to touch the first button on his black pajama top.

“Give me a good reason. You don’t want me to see? But why?” He was utterly confused, usually he would’ve turned around ages ago, but something fueled his need to be equal.

“It’s inappropriate, I’m not supposed to, it makes me feel uncomfortable and-” The prince paused and exhaled softly but loud enough for Hoseok to hear it. “I don’t want you to see it for the same reason that you have black ink covering your pale skin.”

_His skin color? Really? Literally the best thing about him?_

He lifted his hands and slapped them against his cheeks, squeezing them together.

“Are you stupid? It’s literally the prettiest part of you, god, fine, but it’s unfair because you saw me too.”

“Why do you want to see?” the blonde man asked softly and loosened the first button, hands visibly shaking a little, almost like he was scared. The action revealed the beginning of a collarbone as the fabric of the pajama top slipped a little lower on the prince’s shoulder.

“I like it.” The words slipped out as he watched how the button loosened and revealed more of the golden skin. Sure, it was dark, but he could see the difference. It was gorgeous.

“You’re the only one,” was the quiet reply as long fingers loosened another, breath remaining caught in the blonde boy’s chest as he kept uncovering it one button at a time until he pulled the fabric from his shoulders, motions hesitant and careful. He had a slim, but lean build. Of course, his muscles weren’t like Hoseok’s, it was more the agile form martial arts fighters had. His chest was flat and had a beautiful golden color, in addition to his small, dark nipples. Hoseok couldn’t help thinking about how his pale fingers would look while touching them.

_Why would you think about touching the royal’s nipples, Hoseok? What the fuck is wrong with you?_

“Would you turn around?” the prince asked suddenly as Hoseok realized that he had been staring at him for a while, one hand reaching for the clothes that lay prepared on the ground.

Humming, he ripped his gaze from the golden body and focused it on some random bush that had no aesthetical value in comparison whatsoever. He heard shuffling behind him as fabric moved, probably the other man pulling his pajama pants down before grabbing the black jeans Hoseok had prepared for him. He could hear how the fabric slid over naked skin, the tightness making the process audible. Gasping once, the prince must have continued with the shirt that was quicker to put on.

“I’m- done.” The response sounded a little hesitant, like the other man was concerned about something.

Turning around, Hoseok immediately stepped closer, examining the fit of the black silk shirt and the black ripped jeans. The jeans looked especially gorgeous with the various cuts on the other man’s thighs, golden color peeking through.

“Well, you look hot, who would have thought.” Walking around the prince, he let his gaze rest a little longer on the small butt that fit well into his pants. It was one of those pairs of pants Lucy threatened to cut the thighs out from because they were so tight.

“Don’t you think that’s a little too…’revealing’?” the blonde boy muttered and pointed at the cuts on his thighs. “That is definitely not something I am allowed to be doing, oh g-”

“So, as I already mentioned, you look hot, which means you look exactly how you should be looking. But your hair is really obvious, so I got the black snapback too.” Picking the cap from the ground, Hoseok lifted on his tiptoes and brushed the other man’s blonde hair back, pulling the hat over his head and examining the fit. There were some stray hairs here and there, which he brushed behind the curled ears. He had really funny ears.

The prince remained frozen in place, staring at him with wide eyes as he worked. Only when he was done did it become apparent that he was touching the blonde man.

“Oopsie. But in my defense, I have to say that you would’ve never managed by yourself. So be happy that I was your servant, your royal highness.” Hoseok grinned while not being able to rip his gaze from the prince’s face. He looked so different, like a handsome man from the outside and not like the weird painted doll with ivory all over his clothes.

“Your mockery takes some getting used to,” was the quiet reply as the handsome man in a snapback held his gaze as usual. “But I do not understand why you are meant to look hot outside. It’s rather cold at the moment in my opinion. I don’t see any benefit in appearing like you are wearing too many layers and this-” he pointed at his jeans again, “are definitely not enough layers.”

_Just leave him here, Hoseok._

He would’ve considered if the prince hadn’t been the only one to know the way out.

“Hot, as in sexually attractive, you fool.” Hoseok folded the other man’s pajamas too and placed everything under the bush.

“Oh.” It was quiet for a few moments after that until the prince cleared his throat and gestured for Hoseok to follow him. “Let us just go, I will pretend I did not hear that and that I am not breaking every code of conduct there is for the behavior of a crown prince. Lovely.”

“Watch your language,” Hoseok whispered and grinned brightly, following the taller man through the garden towards a gate he didn’t know existed.

It was fascinating how well the prince knew the palace, sneaking through small entrances and barely noticeable doors, almost like they were permanently closed up but the other man had a key to open them, climbing over statues like they meant nothing to him and stepping on the faces of past kings on his way to climb the wall that finally separated them from the outside.

“You have to step on the elbow and then on the forehead so you can grasp that stone part over there. Once you catch hold of it you can pull your body up the wall. If you can’t reach it, I’ll help,” the prince explained as he wiggled his butt in front of Hoseok’s face on his way up the wall, visibly struggling with the tight pants that he was not used to. Hoseok wanted to slap it, but contained his urges, following the other man’s instructions instead. Eating definitely had been a good idea, he realized, after climbing the fucking wall.

“Stay low, there are guards.” The hiss was sudden and a big palm pressed down on his head to keep him low. It was the first time that the prince willingly touched him. “They will walk past here and move around the corner and then we can climb down. There is a part that’s not as well-kept and has a lot of spots to hold onto, we just- shouldn’t fall.”

“I won’t, I hope you’re good at this,” Hoseok whispered back and let himself be pressed down, even though it evoked weird associations he didn’t like.

“I’ve been doing this all my life, only- without actually leaving the palace,” the other man whispered back, smiling a little. “I always wanted to, but I didn’t know where to go once I got out and what I could do and see. I knew nothing and I still know nothing. I couldn’t have done anything on my own.”

“One has to start. But I’m here, so it’ll be fine.” He shut up as he heard the guards turn around the corner and waited for Hyungwon to move.

The tall man was much more skillful than his long limbs would have suggested, easily lowering himself down to the first hollow in the wall into which he placed his foot. He easily held his own weight with his lean arms and climbed down quickly, hanging on with one hand at one point without any sign of fear on his face. The outside seemed to worry him more than hanging several meters above the ground.

He followed his example, carefully placing his feet into the hollows and trusting the strength he had in his arms, they must be good for something. He would’ve jumped down, but feared making too much noise and climbed the rest of the way too, meeting the prince’s gaze.

“That was my responsibility, now comes yours,” he whispered before quickly crossing over the deserted street that led to the gate and entering a darker area where they could talk without the fear of getting caught.

“Amazing.” He grinned walking into the direction of the main street with fast steps. He knew the spot where Lucy would pick them up and they didn’t have much time, so he hurried up, curling his hand around the other man’s wrist and pulling him along. The touch must have been unusual for the prince based of his gasp, but he didn’t comment on it, walking a little faster with his long legs.

The air smelled so nice, it was literally a few hundred meters next to the palace but it smelled like freedom. Like he could actually breathe.

_Screw the breathing, he needs a name._

“Oh god, I didn’t think about the name. We need a name for you.” Turning around to the prince, he tried to come up with something decent, remembering the other man’s real name suddenly.

_His real name is Hyungwon, right?_

“Ehm, I have a name, it’s Hyungwon,” the tall boy pointed out and pursed his lips. It looked a little funny, especially with how different he looked in the snapback. “Oh, you mean so nobody knows who I am? Am I known by my real name outside?”

“Yeah, there are people who know, so it’s better to choose something different. How about we just call you Won? It’s short and not too far off. And please try to talk like a normal human. Not that I care, but I really don’t want anybody to notice and I don’t want you to have problems because of that, okay? Preferably just talk to me only.” He glanced at Hyungwon, who was walking fast next to him. Hand in hand.

_Oops._

“Alright,” the prince replied and nodded to emphasize his agreement, still unaware of them holding hands. Hoseok was a simple person, he continued walking until they reached the main street, bright lights shining on the pedestrian walk and finally enabling him to see how they looked. Hoseok let his gaze slide over Hyungwon’s outfit while they waited for the pedestrian light to turn green. He picked the clothes nicely, but what caught his gaze was the other man’s bare face. Holy shit.

“Holy mother of god,” he whispered, staring at the gorgeous golden skin from the blonde man’s chest to his neck and finally his handsome face that was illuminated by the streetlamp.

“Mmh?” the prince asked, glancing down at him and adding his ice-blue eyes into the equation, visibly distracted by his own thoughts. The mix of golden skin, ice-blue eyes and red lips was breathtaking. Hyungwon’s eyes jumped from the street to Hoseok and back to the traffic light, like it was fascinating in its own way. “Once it is green, we cross, right?”

_You’re not here to fanboy over the royal prince, Hoseok._

“Yes. Let’s cross, sorry.” Turning around, he pulled the taller man behind himself and moved into the direction of the meeting spot. “Are you thirsty?”

“A little, but- I’m more excited about crossing a traffic light even if it must sound ridiculously stupid to you.” There was a small smile on the tall man’s red lips as he tightened his hold on Hoseok’s hand, applying pressure himself instead of being pulled along.

“It must be crazy. I can’t imagine it, but you can have it all today. Want a beer?” His lips spread in a grin as he spotted a kiosk.

“Did you bring money? I just took what I could find.” There was a careful nod, like the prince was perfectly aware of not being allowed to drink beer but ignored that for the time being.

“Sure, you can’t do anything in this country without money. Let’s get the drinks.” Hoseok felt so happy strolling to the random kiosk, buying two cans of beer and giving the older man a tip. He smiled brightly at the dark brown eyes that looked really warm.

“Ah, we have to wait here,” he commented and pointed at a bench next to a parking area. Loosening his grip on Hyungwon’s hand for the first time, he ran a little further before turning to the blonde man and walking backwards, arms spread out and grinning brightly. “It feels so nice.”

There was a gorgeous smile on Hyungwon’s face, bright and spreading his lips wide, almost like a thin line on his face.

“The air is different and the man seemed really nice even though he doesn’t know us at all. I took about 1200, I hope that is enough for what we want to do today,” he remarked and wiggled with his long legs, like he really didn’t know what to do with himself. “I’m not even tired.”

_He didn’t want to buy a house, or did he?_

“You overreacted, but we will do everything you like today.” Opening both cans of beer, Hoseok sat down on the bench and spread his legs for comfort, handing one open can to Hyungwon. “Here, you have to drink it like this.” He let his lips touch the cool metal and swallowed a few gulps.

The prince watched him intently until he also lifted his can to his lips. He pressed the plump muscle to the metallic opening and poured a bit of the liquid into his mouth, swallowing quickly.

“That’s- sparkly,” he remarked as his eyes widened a little. “Bitter, but I like it.”

“Mhm, it’s refreshing. How do you feel wearing my clothes? Is it okay? Nothing snags in nasty places?” Hoseok smiled and drank more, watching Hyungwon intently. It was interesting to see the blonde man outside wearing his clothes and drinking beer.

“How do you define ‘okay’? The pants are a little tight around the middle area, but after climbing in them I doubt I will have any more problems.” Again, the prince smiled and took another sip of his beer, visibly enjoying it. Despite being outside and in club clothes his back was perfectly straight and his hold on the beer can was delicate, long fingers curling around it carefully.

“You even drink beer like a prince,” Hoseok murmured and took out a tiny mirror handing it to the other man. “Here, can you hold it for a second?”

Hyungwon placed his beer next to his hips and accepted the small mirror, holding it in front of Hoseok’s face while appearing curious.

“You can show me how to drink like an ‘outside person’ later,” he said with a bright grin and made sure to hold the mirror high enough. After searching for the small metal ring in the pocket of his jeans for a few seconds, he finally found it and leaned forward, pulling it through the hole in his bottom lip carefully. After finishing he lifted his gaze at the prince.

“You- wow.”

Hyungwon bit down on his bottom lip while holding his gaze, like he was letting the features of his face sink in. Hoseok couldn’t suppress a smirk as he licked over his mouth, playing with the ring in his lip.

“Thank you,” he replied and took the mirror back, folding it and letting it disappear in the pocket of his jeans.

“You even have a hole in your lip, what is it called? P- piercing? I don’t remember. But it looks very good on you, even if it is also looked down upon as it carries associations with the war fifty years ago.” The tall man sounded like a history book when he spoke like that, voice level and without much variation apart from when he complimented Hoseok. “Outside of the palace all of this seems less problematic for me.”

_He’s not as naive as it seems. He understands quickly what things are about._

Finishing his beer, he threw the can into the trash as he saw the familiar red car turn into the parking lot.

“It’s Lucy.” He jumped up and started hopping around like an excited bunny. He could see the prince quickly emptying his beer next to him before he also threw it away and followed Hoseok, staring at the car that stopped in front of them.

Lucy stepped out, looking cute in her green dress and immediately curled her arms around him.

“Bunny, I missed you so much, you lost weight, oh god, I’m so sorry,” she murmured, patting his shoulder repeatedly and letting him bury his face in the crook of her warm neck. “I told you to eat, you asshole. You can’t just not eat and die, I told you it’s not an option, why would you do this to me, huh? You think I haven’t suffered enough? Fuck.” Chuckling, he stroked over his best friend’s black locks once and smiled brightly.

“I’m fine. I’m so happy to see you. Ah, I’m with a friend, he helped me to leave the palace, so I’m going to take him to have some fun. It’s-” He almost bit his tongue lying to his best friend, but Hyungwon had asked him sincerely and he had promised. “This is Won.”

Lucy pressed a kiss on his cheek before loosening her grip and walking over to the prince, hugging him.

He should’ve warned him.

“Nice to meet you, Won, thank you so fucking much for making Hoseok come out, he would’ve kept doing the same stupid self-destructive things, thank you so much, really, be my guest today,” his best friend’s pleasantly low voice commented as she let poor Hyungwon go, smiling.

The prince looked visibly shaken, remaining in place and not moving a single inch as he stared at his friend with wide eyes, swallowing once. It was fascinating to see how he began to gain control over his features, returning them to neutral before a polite smile appeared on his lips.

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Lucy. Hoseok has mentioned you a lot and I was told that the two of you are very close. I’m glad that he has a friend like you, willing to help him and concerned about his health,” the other man replied and carefully stepped out of the embrace.

_Oh god._

Laughing loudly, he curled his arm around Hyungwon's shoulders.

“He's funny, he talks like my mom,” Hoseok tried to minimize the damage and pulled the taller man towards the car. “Let's go party then.”

“Does everyone else look like her?” Hyungwon whispered into his ear and followed along, strangely obedient.

_Don't get angry. He hasn't seen anything else._

“No, but she's the most amazing human you'll ever meet,” he whispered back and opened the car door, pushing Hyungwon inside before turning to Lucy.

“Let's go, I need to see you dance, I missed it,” he said with a smile and it felt amazing to know that his best friend’s smile meant that they understood each other without saying anything.

_You can't leave him alone on the backseat, he'll do something dumb._

“I'll go in the back, need to make sure that Won feels appreciated after he risked his job for me,” he lied again and climbed into the small car, pushing the prince to the side a little. Staring at the blonde man, he sighed and reached for the belt, leaning over his upper body like in a bad TV drama. He smelled really good, like coconut.

“People… touch a lot out here,” he murmured and didn't move as Hoseok fixed his seat belt. “I've never been in a car, it's pretty tight.”

“Shht, you want to get recognized? Yes, let me touch you and shut up,” he hissed before buckling up himself.

“Oooh, what's going on, Hoseok? Has your heart finally decided, now that you're about to get married?” Lucy commented while grinning at him from the back-view mirror.

_Oh god._

He felt the desire to disappear. Why was his life like this? Having the royal-fucking-highness in the back of Lucy's car, trying to make him behave normally, while she made jokes about him being gay with the prince in the fucking back seat.

“I really like your car, Lucy, it's very cool,” the tall man next to him commented and Hoseok had the strange suspicion that it was his attempt to fit in, words sounding strange from his mouth. “If his heart decided for anybody, it would be you. You're lovely.”

“Oh darling, you're so nice, thank you. Bunny and me are not in that kind of relationship, we're more like a family. How a family should be. Let's go have some fun.”

The prince hummed in agreement and thought about her words, chewing on his cheek as he leaned back and watched the streets change and lights switch color. It got more and more crowded despite the late-night hours.

He felt so good, smelling the familiar scent of Lucy's car freshener and watching how the city changed into something he was strangely familiar with, something that he had almost forgotten after wasting away behind the thick palace walls.

Spreading his legs and leaning back against the seat, he felt his thigh touch the other man's, clad in his ripped jeans, golden skin peeking through.

_He's wearing you._

“I want to show you everything, there's so much for you to see,” he whispered, eyes focusing on the prince's face who kept looking out of the window.

The beautiful man turned around slowly as his ice-blue eyes focused on Hoseok’s, bright smile on his red lips. The city lights were reflecting in the black color of his iris.

‘I can't wait,’ he mouthed, overdoing the motions as he had the first time at the breakfast table. It looked a little funny with how thick his lips were, taking up most of his pretty face.

Hoseok kept staring at the ice-blue eyes as he lost control over his own facial expression and licked over his lips, unable to look away from the golden skin, the plump red mouth and the light eyes.

_Why can't you look away?_

Because dressed in his clothes, with a snapback on his head, a gorgeous authentic smile and shiny eyes, Hyungwon looked like a human.

_Because he is one._

 

***

 

Tall buildings, bright, colorful lights, cars that moved along wide streets. Bridges suspended by wires that connected both sides of the river. The metallic wires looked like decorations, shining brightly. Each light was like a puzzle piece, building up the city from scratch until it turned into a rainbow of houses, buildings, cars and people. Hyungwon loved it, every little bit of it.

It felt like living inside a picture book, one that he had read as a child, excited about every new page and what it would bring. He had been fascinated by the rules of traffic, how traffic lights worked, how cars were created and sold for profit. It was almost magical to be in the middle of it all, crossing over a green light, drinking a can of bitter but refreshing beer and finally sitting inside a car, protected by the three-point belt.

_You're not allowed to but there is so much to see._

It felt like even if Hyungwon spent every second of his life in the city he could never learn everything, experience everything there was to experience. The thought was a scary one, but not enough to ruin his good mood. He was outside and he was going to have experiences, learn how the people on the other side of the palace walls lived.

The seatbelt was a little tight on his chest and he felt it with every motion, but it was okay. The sight outside the window was sufficient to distract him, just like the warm thigh that was pressed against his. Human bodies were almost burning and it had something intimidating but also pleasant to it.

_You are not meant to be touched, but people outside the palace touch._

_But why can't you be touched? Is it for your protection?_

Every time Hyungwon saw something outside the window that he remembered from videos or books, he got excited and wanted to share, but the look of warning on the black-haired man's face instantly reminded him that he was playing a role. Hyungwon was someone who had left the palace before and simply basked in re-acquired freedom.

“Have you ever heard of qualia?” he asked carefully as they crossed over a bridge, city lights beautifully reflected on the water. Hyungwon wanted to touch it and see how the reflection would break and how cold it was against his skin.

“Huh? Do you mean the pills those homeopathic quacks sell on the internet? They’re supposed to make your mind ‘woke’ or something. Are you into that shit? It doesn’t work, H- uh- Won. If you want something that works, I’ll get you something.” Grinning, the black-haired man slapped his thigh.

The sudden touch made him jerk but he quickly caught himself again, wondering what Hoseok might have meant. Pills that made one ‘woke’?

_Drugs?_

The shock of the black-haired man suggesting he wanted illegal substances was sufficient to make him forget about being addressed by a nickname instead of his title. It felt strange but he would have to get used to it. He wasn't the crown prince right now.

“I don't want to take drugs, Hoseok. That is illegal,” he hissed and shook his head quickly to emphasize that fact. Breaking rules was one thing but breaking law was a little too much.

Hyungwon had wanted to express his emotions, but the black-haired man must have misunderstood him.

“Qualia is a philosophical concept. It's the idea that even when you know every fact there is to know about something, you still learn something new when you actually see it. That is how I feel right now. Like I know how it works and how it's created, but seeing it- it's different,” he whispered carefully, making sure the dark-skinned woman behind the wheel didn't hear.

Lucy appeared to be an unusually affectionate person, but somehow it was obvious that she really adored Hoseok the most, even when she cursed and insulted him. It was strange but also nice to see.

_And her skin color is so different._

Hyungwon had been terrified when she had hugged him, expecting her to do something horrible to him even though it made no sense. Only when he had stared at the other woman's friendly eyes and bright smile, did he attempt to understand what made him react like that.

_You're just afraid because you don't know it. You've never seen anybody like her and you were scared of the unknown._

“Are you nuts? Sure, my plan was to lure you out of the palace, tattoo a dick on your forehead and give you drugs. I’m responsible for you, you fool,” Hoseok hissed into his ear, leaning close so that Lucy couldn’t hear.

“Please don't,” Hyungwon murmured in reply until his brain belatedly registered the last sentence. “Tattoo a- a genital and drugs, please don't, and thank you for being responsible, but don't assume that I am helpless, I'm not.” He shifted on the car seat and again felt how close the black-haired man's thigh was to his own. Also, the warm breaths that tickled his neck were so close, too close.

_You are inexperienced but you have all the facts, you can use them._

The other man hummed and leaned back, staring out of the opposite window until the car stopped.

“We’re here, you cuties. Can’t wait to see you dance, Hoseok,” Lucy exclaimed loudly before stepping out of the car and opening his door on her way. “I hope my driving wasn’t too crazy, I gave my best.” A bright smile lit up the girl’s face as she fixed her short dress.

Hyungwon had no idea what driving was usually supposed to be like, but he merely smiled and tried to keep his eyes focused appropriately, namely on her face. The dress was shorter than anything he had ever seen.

“It was perfectly fine, Lucy. Thank you for your efforts,” he replied and tried to figure out how to loosen the seat belt. There was a button to press, but he couldn't find it without staring at the mechanism in detail. In addition, the kingdom had four types of seat buckle and Hyungwon didn't know which one it was. “You remind me of the pine tree in the palace garden, it's similarly graceful.”

“Really man?” Hoseok murmured and rolled his eyes at his compliment before pressing something and releasing the belt as he did the same with his own before stepping out of the car.

“Oh, wow, I think that is the most sophisticated comment about this vintage dress that I’ve ever gotten, thank you darling.” Smiling brightly, the short girl waited until he stepped out and closed the car door. It must have been the wrong way as Hoseok opened it again and shut it with more force.

Once his eyes roamed the surroundings, he was amazed by the bright neon lights and promotional signs throughout the street. It was the middle of the night, but one might have believed that it was early morning, street lights illuminating every corner and every shop entrance. Most of them were closed, but those with the brightest entryways were still opened, attracting a mass of people. At first glance Hyungwon couldn’t pinpoint what surprised him about the collection of individuals, eyes scanning the street and cars instead. But once Hoseok and Lucy made their way towards a particularly well-lit entrance, decorated with red and white, he finally realized.

_They are almost naked, Hyungwon._

Girls and boys in similar numbers were standing in a long cue outside the establishment, but almost none of them properly covered their skin. The girls wore short skirts or jeans and shirts that revealed their stomachs for everybody to see. One girl even wore a shirt that resembled an undergarment and made Hyungwon beyond uncomfortable, forcing him to glance away. It was too much for his taste, too much skin. Even the pants that were pulled over his legs did not reveal as much as some of the people in the cue did, showing everything without an ounce of shame.

_But decorum is not only important in the palace. It cannot be that everybody outside the palace dresses like this._

Swallowing, he preferred to stare at his shoes, similarly uncomfortable with the way his knees and thighs peeked out through the holes in his pants, skin a dirty color. It wasn’t as obvious in the city, with dark-haired and dark-eyed individuals all around them, skin tones varying throughout. But still it seemed like Hyungwon was a little darker, even though he wasn’t supposed to be.

_That’s why they hide your skin color, it’s almost like you snuck into the palace to take a spot that is not meant to be yours._

He didn’t, instead he had snuck out and pretended to be somebody he was not.

_But like this you can pretend better, you can fit in and experience ordinary life without anybody finding out that you are the crown prince, meant to stay in the palace until coronation or until an heir was produced._

Hoseok and Lucy had engaged in intense conversation as they moved past the cue and all the way to the front, ignoring all other individuals that threw them nasty looks, visibly dissatisfied. It must have been unfair. A grin of the black-haired man was sufficient for the tall man in a black suit at the front to smile briefly and let all three of them in, not even bothering to check some plastic card as he had with everybody else.

“Is it bad that I don’t have a plastic card?” Hyungwon asked, leaning into Hoseok’s personal space to make it as private as possible. The vibrations that passed through his body got stronger the further they moved into the establishment and for a brief moment Hyungwon wanted to throw himself into a safe corner and prepare for an earthquake, but there was none. Instead there was loud music, a noise that grabbed his heart and shook it from side to side at a quick pace. It was almost deafening and he held his breath to get used to the vibrating sensation throughout his body.

“It’s okay as long as you’re with me. It’s your identification, I suppose you don’t have one and ‘I’m the royal highness’ won’t get you anywhere. Let’s get a drink.” Grabbing his wrist, the pale man moved to a lit-up counter as Lucy walked into a different direction, towards a space filled with an insane amount of people that were shaking their limbs to the unnatural music.

“Ah, an identification card. I know about that but I do not have one, I have other methods and marks for identification,” Hyungwon elaborated by almost screaming into Hoseok’s ear because he couldn't hear himself. The mass of nearly undressed people was a little intimidating, so he tried to keep his distance and have as little naked skin touch him as possible. Having the black-haired man's pale fingers around his wrist was strangely calming in comparison. “Where is Lucy going and when is she coming back?”

The strange hat he was wearing pressed down on his head and he really had to resist the urge to pull it off or to scratch along it, thereby revealing his bright hair.

“Those methods don't work here. Lucy went to the dance floor, I wanted to drink something first, but nothing strong because we have to climb walls and I have to take care of you,” Hoseok screamed back, lips almost touching his ear.

“Is it with strong alcohol? I'm only familiar with wine,” Hyungwon screamed back and held onto the strange wooden surface of the counter. Several people were leaning against it and drinking colorful liquids from glasses that Hyungwon remembered to be cocktail glasses. They were drinking cocktails, screaming at a man in the middle to bring them new ones.

Listening intently, Hyungwon tried to figure out what exactly most of the people were ordering but when he heard an inappropriate word paired with the poor, innocent word ‘beach’, he decided against it.

_What if it wasn't ‘beach’?_

“Mostly yes, but you can get a virgin drink. I'll get one for you, don't worry, I'm not here to get you drunk. Do you have allergies?” the black-haired man asked, ordering something for himself already.

Hyungwon swallowed at that because it was meant to be kept a secret, a worry that could turn into a weakness for him as the successor of the throne.

_Because it could be used to kill you._

“I do, but- I'm not allowed to tell anybody,” he murmured, almost attaching his lips to the black-haired man's protruding ear. He trusted Hoseok, but he couldn't tell him while they were surrounded by so many people. “I would tell you, I trust you, but it isn't safe here.”

“Nobody here cares and you don't know what's in the drinks, so I'll make sure and get it for you. You have to trust me, otherwise I'll have to fill you up with beer.” Hoseok pressed his hot lips against his ear, murmuring instead of screaming, soft mouth moving against his earlobe. It felt- not as problematic as Hyungwon would have believed it to feel. It was almost nice, hot with breaths tickling his skin.

But he still couldn't tell him, not in the middle of a room filled with people, some of them brushing along his shoulders with their clothes because the paths were so narrow. Generally everything was so narrow, like the city didn't have enough space for everything, including the people living in it.

“A person that knows could kill me, Hoseok,” he murmured, and tightened his hands on the counter. Discomfort began spreading through him, like he was about to confess a horrendous wrong doing, something that he would be punished for.

_By death if this goes wrong._

Hoseok leaned back and looked at him intently, sea-blue eyes looking way more dangerous from under his black bangs combined with the ring in his red bottom lip.

Nodding, the other man curled his fingers around his and squeezed once before turning to the counter and ordering something. The touch was brief but felt special, like it was only meant for him and nobody else, a reassurance that only he received.

_Like a friend._

“I would tell you,” Hyungwon whispered into the protruding ear, purposefully leaning down to reach it. He was slowly getting used to the constant proximity, skin not overreacting at every single touch anymore. “But not here, surrounded by all these people that could overhear.”

“It's okay, really, I didn't mean to freak you out. Here-” Reaching for the two glasses, Hoseok gave him the smaller one filled with dark brown liquid. “It's coke, a sweet drink without alcohol.” The black-haired man smiled while playing with the ring in his lip.

Hyungwon smiled back, appreciating that Hoseok followed through with his request even though it hadn't been expressed like an order. It felt genuine, like the other man meant every word.

The situation was exciting, new, exhilarating, but Hyungwon couldn't tell if it was his heartbeat that shook his chest or the loud music.

‘Thank you, Hoseok,’ he mouthed with a smile and lifted his glass in a toast, clinking it with Hoseok’s briefly before taking a sip. It was sweet and similarly sparkly to the beer, possibly even more so.

Hoseok sat down on one of the high chairs that looked uncomfortable and winked at the young man who was giving out drinks at the bar with a bright smile, immediately getting a wink back.

It seemed strange as there had been no reason to wink at the other man, there shouldn't be a reason to wink at another man in general.

_Maybe they know each other? It could be a greeting._

Chewing on his cheek, Hyungwon held onto the bar counter and pulled himself up before placing his behind on the strangely formed chair. It seemed stable but he wasn't too sure, concerned about how far he would fall in case he slipped off.

“What is this place?” he asked eventually, confused by the mixture of ‘too small ballroom’ and ‘bar’.

Turning away from the man behind the counter, Hoseok took a sip from his cocktail through the dark blue straw before looking up at him.

“It's a club. People come here to meet others, to dance, to drink, to talk. It depends.” After replying, the other man looked in the direction of the people dancing while searching for something.

Hyungwon waited for him to show that he was listening before he continued talking, pleasantly surprised by the music not destroying his ears while at the bar.

“But they don't talk all that much, especially with how extraordinarily loud the musical accompaniment is. To me it appears like they come here to- reduce their layers of clothing and touch secretly,” he murmured and shifted on his chair, a little intimidated by a young woman that curled her finger repeatedly while staring at him.

_Is she beckoning you over like a dog? That is plain rude._

Hoseok turned around and faced him, eyes narrowed and lips pressed together.

“Stay here and don't move,” the other man hissed as he jumped from the chair and walked towards the dance space with quick steps, pushing himself past the mass of people until he stopped. Watching intently, he could see how the black-haired man curl his arm around Lucy and push her towards the bar, staying in place and talking to someone. The girl in the green dress came over, sighing loudly and sitting down next to him while taking a sip from Hoseok’s cocktail.

Hyungwon frowned at the action, a tiny bit disgusted until he remembered his reason for feeling this way. He was never allowed to drink from other people's cups due to the risk of being poisoned.

_Why would Hoseok or Lucy be poisoned, Hyungwon?_

“May I ask what happened on the small ballroom floor?” he inquired and leaned a little closer for Hoseok’s female friend to hear him properly.

“Ah, it's always the same. I'm dancing, a dude thinks it's an invitation.”

“An invitation for what?” There was something unpleasant about the situation, like everybody knew apart from Hyungwon but didn't say anything.

“You seem very sweet, I like it. An invitation to touch me, and then I say that I don't like it but they don't take me seriously because I'm wearing a short dress and can move my hips well. I am lucky to have a friend like Hoseok who pays so much attention to me that he walks over and tells them to fuck off and leave me alone.” Lucy sighed and sucked some more of Hoseok's drink through the straw.

Hyungwon couldn't help the sensation of bile moving up his throat, disgust instantly showing on his facial features even when he tried to keep them neutral. Such behaviour was despicable, disgusting in and of itself. It couldn't have been something that was allowed, neither in public nor in private. Touching women in general was not meant to be happening apart from their significant other.

Swallowing the feeling down, he curled his hands into fists and held the air inside his lungs.

“That is beyond despicable. An individual that acts like that deserves punishment for disregarding your personal space,” he murmured and wished he could console the woman next to him, but didn't know how. He had never really consoled anybody before, nobody apart from his own sister. “Can I help you somehow, Lucy?”

“Not really, you are not touching me inappropriately, so that's a point for you. Not that I expected anything from someone Hoseok considers nice enough to be alone with me.” Shifting on top of the chair, Lucy cupped her face with both palms. “You know, it starts with us women growing up in a society that considers it okay that women are treated as some kind of slave for everything. We grow up being forced into roles of ‘wives’, ‘mothers’ and are expected to keep up the docile demeanor and supply men with everything they need, be it food, mental health care or sex. I don't think there's much you can change, and that is the sad truth about it. Hoseok is a pacifist, so he never hurts anyone but tries to explain to them what the fuck they're actually doing. God, I'm so happy that he was able to go out today, I thought he'd starve himself, fuck my life.” The dark brown eyes watched him while the girl talked, not afraid of saying whatever came to mind.

Hyungwon was proud of himself for containing any type of face twitch whenever Lucy cursed, focusing on her message instead. It was strange, almost like whatever was supposed to be different outside of the palace wasn't.

“But- I thought you can freely choose your significant other outside the palace, be with them and be accepted the way you are. Isn't that what mutual love is? A shared virtue that does not expect certain services of you, especially if you are uncomfortable with providing them.” He was shocked by the woman's words, by her grim depiction of women's standing in society in addition to the brutal disregard for their own opinions. It almost seemed like she was of the opinion that even in loving relationships women were mistreated. Hyungwon struggled to believe that. Wasn't the concern for the other person a part of love?

“I know, to Hoseok I must sound like a whiny bitch because he's going to marry some princess, he has neither the feelings nor the hots for while living in a place he despises more than anything else. But still, what if a woman doesn't want a husband? What if she is perfectly fine by herself? What if she consciously decides that she doesn't want to have children? What if she- doesn't even like men? Then this whole pretty explanation doesn't work anymore. A person, no matter who they are, should have the opportunity to choose what kind of life they want, Won. It should be okay as long as it doesn't hurt others, but it's not. It never is. Look at Hoseok, fuck.” Suddenly the girls bottom lip trembled and a tear ran down while she glanced to the ceiling, probably trying to hide it.

_She's emotional because she worries about Hoseok’s happiness, isn't she? Because he has to marry your sister._

Hyungwon didn't understand. The words made sense on their own, but the meaning remained occluded behind ideas that were too different, incomprehensible on their own. How could Lucy dislike men? Of course, he didn't have the irrational belief that all men were loveable, Hyungwon considered a great part of them despicable, but not liking them must have been a lie. The dark-haired woman liked Hoseok and she considered him her best friend. It was overdone to speak of no feelings towards men, it was impossible.

_She just doesn't know, she thinks she wants to be alone, without children, without a lover, but she doesn't know what loneliness really means then._

“Please don't cry, Lucy,” he murmured, but refrained from touching the woman with curly hair. It would have been impolite and he didn't feel confident enough in his touch fulfilling the purpose of being consoling. Furthermore, the black-haired girl had pointed out her dislike for being touched. “Of course, everybody should live a life that they want to live, but why would you want to live it alone? Without anybody that lives and shares it with you? I- I can't imagine anybody wishing for a lonesome existence like that.”

_Like you, you're like that._

“There are people who like to be alone and they should have the opportunity to choose it. I never said that I want to be alone. I simply don't want to be with a man, I want-” A pale hand appeared between them and closed Lucy's mouth while the familiar black hair covered half of the girls face. Hoseok whispered something into her ear before letting go.

“I'm sorry, I had a long talk. Are you okay?” the other man asked, smiling a little.

“I fear that I have upset Lucy by asking about the situation. I sincerely apologize and hope that you can forgive my rude prying,” Hyungwon replied and turned towards the woman with tears glistening in her eyes. The sight made him uncomfortable, like he was the source of it.

_You will have to show genuine remorse if it is your fault, lower yourself._

Chewing on his cheek, he attempted to calm himself as he reached out with his right hand and curled his fingers around the black-haired woman's chocolate-colored hand. It reminded him of a present he had once received from a visiting count from abroad, a beautifully colored wooden piece. It had the same shade of brown as the girl’s skin.

Feeling the blood rush in his ears, he lifted the small hand and placed a brief kiss on top of it. It was like the blink of an eye, a quick touch that he barely felt against his lips, leaving him with the curiosity of what skin against his lips would really feel like. Letting the tender hand go carefully, he hoped that Lucy would accept the apology.

_It's the first time you've done that._

Hoseok stared at him as if he had seen a ghost. Both of them didn't say anything until Lucy chuckled and patted his hand.

“You're cute. And you have such a pretty skin color, it's like gold. You look precious.” The girl smiled prettily before slapping Hoseok's arm for no reason. “Right, spoiled milk?”

_She thinks it's like gold? But your skin isn't valuable, not with that color._

“Shut up. Will you stay here? I wanted to dance a little. You're coming with me.” Hoseok grabbed his hand and pulled him from the chair effortlessly. “You have to shake your limbs a little, you look so stiff,” the other man murmured.

Hyungwon's eyes widened as he was pulled along and continuously brushed against other people's shoulders and backs. He didn't really like it and felt the sudden urge to pull the black-haired man into another direction, one that involved fewer people and more space. It was almost claustrophobic.

He was still not done recovering from lowering himself for a genuine apology, hands shaking and legs as substantial as jelly.

“Where are we going?” he screamed over the music and curled his own fingers around Hoseok’s wrist to make sure not to lose him in the crowd. It was intimidating.

“Nowhere, we're here.” The black-haired man turned around and smiled, licking over his lips. They were surrounded by masses of people that were moving to the incredibly loud music. There was only little space, but Hoseok wiggled his right eyebrow and started moving his hips to the beat while letting him hold his wrist.

Hyungwon really didn't know what he was supposed to do, not in the middle of a too crowded ballroom floor and almost squished by other people moving their hips. There wasn't even a single violin in the music.

“But- I am only capable of ballroom dancing, what am I supposed to do?” he murmured, utterly helpless and at the same time unwilling to let go of the familiar wrist.

Continuing the movements of his hips, the other man looked at him for a few seconds before reaching for his waist and stopping right before touching him, ocean-blue eyes appearing hesitant and waiting for his reaction.

_He's asking if he can touch you._

Suddenly the situation felt much more real than it had mere seconds ago. Hyungwon was outside of the palace with a man who was going to be the next prince consort, engulfed in loud music and other wonders of the city. He was standing in the middle of a small ballroom floor and the man who was marrying his sister was asking for consent to touch him, almost brushing his waist with his pale fingers.

_Is it okay?_

It was such a bizarre experience, being surrounded by a mass of citizens that he didn't know, a circle of unfamiliarity that seemed to close around him. Stepping closer towards the one person he knew was more natural, almost like a small escape, a way to stay safe despite the masses of shoulders, hips and limbs accidentally grazing him.

Inhaling sharply, he nodded, watching the other man's face intently.

Hoseok licked over his lips and touched his waist, hands slipping down until they were on the level of his hip bones. Staring into his eyes, the black-haired man moved his lower body with the strength of both of his hands that were curled around his hips, creating a similar movement to the one Hoseok was performing.

_He's showing you how to move._

Hyungwon didn't dare to breathe, unfamiliar with the sensation of warm hands on his skin. It almost felt like there were no layers of clothing with how thin the silk shirt was and how tightly the pants hugged his legs. Swallowing, he attempted to follow and do as the black-haired man did, move his hips in vague circles to the rhythm of the music. It was difficult to focus on anything else apart from the two hands. Each spot where a finger touched him felt like it was burning, speeding up his breaths and heartbeat.

Hoseok kept the eye contact while moving in the same pace as him and nodding at him with a bright smile on his face.

‘Yeah, just like that,’ the black-haired man mouthed before loosening his grip a little and letting both hands travel up his waist, fingers dancing along his sides before removing them.

Hyungwon caught himself on the thought that he missed them, preferring to dance with the warmth travelling over his skin and centering at his hips. It was a strange thought, one that didn't have any proper argumentation apart from feeling safer when he was close to the black-haired man. Hoseok knew where they were and what they were doing. The other man knew who he was and wouldn't allow him to get into trouble or let anybody behave in a problematic way towards him. It just seemed natural to stay close, to have a point of contact that he could use as orientation.

_But you hate being touched, Hyungwon._

Maybe he didn't hate it. Maybe it was just taboo and he believed it to be problematic, something that wasn't desirable unless it was his significant other. Hyungwon didn't know, he didn't know who his significant other would be and how he would feel about touching. He was like an empty sheet, written on with lemon juice that wasn't visible unless heated. His lack of experience felt like foolishness, childish behavior that kept him from growing as a person. The confusion was frustrating, evoking a spark of anger at his situation.

_You need to see more, to understand it._

Hyungwon watched the black-haired man's movements, gaze travelling up his jeans and grey shirt, to his face. He met ocean-blue eyes and held the contact as he was trained to do, unable to give in as a member of the royal family. It felt intense to move to unfamiliar music while observing Hoseok, not breaking the connection.

“You're doing amazing,” the other man said, and he only recognized it because of his focused gaze and Hoseok’s overly expressive mouth.

Suddenly, he felt the warm hands again, this time the touch was against his hands, as Hoseok took both of them and pulled and pushed in succession, making his upper body move along with his hips, fingers intertwining with each other.

Hyungwon couldn't help the way his lips parted in a gasp, observing the way the curved smile remained on the other man's features. It felt nice, almost exciting even to dance like this. The two of them were close together but differently than the way he knew it from ballroom dances. Their motions were simpler and smaller but seemed to have more points of connection, like mirror images of each other.

Hoseok’s hands were a little smaller than his but carried much more strength, easily pulling him along. The warmth that spread along the back of his hand was pleasant too, continuing along his arms and seemed to reach his chest.

“This- is really nice,” he whispered, probably inaudible to the other man as his lips moved but the sound didn't reach his own ears. Maybe it was too much, too much of everything he wasn't allowed to do, touching, dancing, being surrounded by so many unfamiliar people with the risk of getting hurt. He was doing too much but at the same time it wasn't nearly enough.

“Mhm?” Hoseok looked at him in question and leaned forward during the next movement, waiting for him to say it into his ear while pulling him by their intertwined fingers.

The proximity was so unusual. It was like he was jumping into cold water for the first time. Like when shock takes over the body at first before it warms itself from the inside, enjoying the water instead of wishing to escape it.

Exhaling against the prettily shaped ear of the other man, Hyungwon attempted to regain control over his senses and his experiences, to remember what was right and what was wrong, what he was meant to do and what he shouldn’t be doing.

No matter where he was and how free it might have seemed, it didn't change a single thing about who he was and who he was meant to become.

“It's nothing, Hoseok.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lonely? To be honest it's binary. I feel alone or I'm scared of losing the moment when I'm not lonely. There's no in between.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> 

It was always the same, he wouldn't be visiting clubs if Lucy didn’t love to dance. He couldn't imagine his best friend going out alone since he wasn’t able to leave the palace at all.

_It will happen. You're just on a small, dream-like trip, a drug dream, Hoseok._

It had felt like a drug dream, touching the prince's slim waist and moving his hips to the heavy bass. The other man did a great job, body turning out to be way more flexible than he had previously thought. There was a strange expression on the handsome face, one Hoseok hadn't seen before.

_Maybe it's because he's freaked out. He's at a noisy club being touched. Have some sense, he's a human too._

Loosening his grip and removing his hands carefully, he smiled.

“You're really able to move well. Just close your eyes for a bit and feel the music and how your body wants to move to it,” he murmured while leaning in, making sure to not touch the other man too much. He must've been shocked to be in between all those people.

_Maybe the club isn't the best place to show him the outside world._

There was a brief nod until the prince suddenly appeared agitated and looked around.

“Where... may I find a place to excuse myself?” he murmured into Hoseok’s ear after leaning in, discomfort obvious.

_The restroom?_

“Ah, sorry, I probably should've asked, let's go, I have to pee too after the beer. Hold on and don't get lost,” he murmured with a smile and held his forearm out for the prince to take it if wanted to.

The hesitation was brief, teeth settling on the red bottom lip until long fingers curled around his skin and pressed down a little. The prince must have really been overwhelmed by the mass of people by how close he stayed to Hoseok, leaving only a few centimeters between them but significantly more between him and all other patrons.

_It must be scary for him._

Smiling at Hyungwon's determination to be close to him despite his previous concerns, he finally reached the restroom, opened the door with his foot and walked inside. As usual all the stalls were occupied and he positioned himself at one of the elegant black pissoirs, unbuttoning his jeans quickly.

_Wait, where's the prince?_

Instead of standing next to him at the other free pissoir, the tall man had pressed himself to the nearby wall, almost flat against it as he covered his eyes with his palm, lips parted in a rough breath. He seemed utterly terrified, watching Hoseok through the spaces between his long fingers.

“What are you doing, Hyungwon?” he hissed at the other man, leaving the jeans button open and waking to the wall the prince tried to mingle with. Unsuccessfully.

“Why are you- this is in public, Hoseok. Everybody can see, I can't just- ‘unpack’ or whatever it is you’re doing. What is this thing even?” the prince muttered quietly and narrowed the spaces between his fingers, almost like he feared to see Hoseok with an undone button. It was ridiculous.

“Ok, don't freak out, it's a restroom. There are stalls, but they are occupied. If you only want to pee, you can do it here at the pissoir and then go wash your hands like a good boy. It's easy, you open your jeans, you don't have to take them off, just take your dick out and pee.” Curling his fingers around Hyungwon's slim wrist, he pulled the other man's big palm down, forcing him to look.

“I can't. I can't just reveal myself in a public place, even if it's just- I can't do it. Can't I just wait for a stall? This place is strange, why does it sound like there are two people in one stall, Hoseok? Why is there no privacy?” The prince was talking quickly, eyes wide and focused on his face. He must have been scared to look anywhere else, acting very much unlike himself.

“Shh, it's because they are probably making-out in there or doing things that are even more fun, so let's pee, okay? Simply take the one at the wall and I'll be next to you and I won't look at your dick if you're so sensitive. That's how people have to pee under the reign of the king, so you have to do it too.” Pulling bullshit arguments out of his ass, he dragged the taller man towards the wall that was the furthest from the door and pointed at the black pissoir. “Come on, you can do it, or do you want me to show you?” He grinned brightly.

The ice-blue eyes almost transformed into saucepans until they suddenly narrowed, expression changing completely.

“I want you to look away,” the prince said, voice more determined than it had been a few seconds ago and hands shaking a little even if he wasn't even holding anything. “You don't need to show me, I don't want you to, it's private, it's not something I am meant to see.”

_Now it sounds as if you want him to watch you pee._

“God, then don't fucking look, for fuck’s sake.” Pulling the zipper down, he turned towards the pissoir and took care of his business before closing it again and pressing the flush button with his foot.

He could see shuffling next to him, a clear sign that the prince had been hesitating but must have managed to pull through even with his shaking hands. There was a moment of silence until the tall man also pressed the flush button with his foot. Not even a second passed until Hyungwon attached himself to the wall again, covering his face with a groan.

“I desire to die of shame,” he murmured.

“I would've washed my hands before touching my face, your royal highness,” he commented and laughed before walking to the sink and washing his hands thoroughly.

“Oh god,” Hyungwon muttered before he wanted to cover his mouth again but hesitated in time, biting his lips instead. The blonde boy followed through quickly, scrubbing over his golden skin like he wished to rub of the shame along with everything else. The prince didn't meet his gaze until he had dried his hands, eyes narrowing a little.

“Don't use the title,” he hissed.

He wanted to say something but stuck out his tongue instead, moving it back and forth while widening his eyes before he pushed the door open with his foot once again. He never thought he'd have to persuade a member of the royal family to get his dick out and pee in a pissoir at a club-restroom. Life was full of surprises.

Another surprise was the sensation of cool fingers that curled around his wrist from behind, not pulling him but rather following along.

_It's getting way too much for him, Hoseok._

He decided to not go to the dance floor, joining Lucy at the bar instead.

“I think I want to stroll around a bit to show him some of the nice spots around here, can we meet in an hour or two at the parking lot? Or do you want to come along?” Hoseok asked his best friend while curling both arms around her shoulders. He had missed her.

“No, I love the music, so I'll stay, also the girl in the blue dress is so cute, I'm dying here. Two hours sounds good,” the low voice whispered back and he got a kiss on his cheek.

“Deal. Let's go then,” he murmured and turned to Hyungwon who appeared distracted, staring towards one of the tables at the side. When Hoseok followed his gaze, he was met with the sight of a young girl in a red dress, beckoning him over with her index finger.

“Uuh, I see you're popular. My dressing skills and your pretty face are a deadly combination.” Hoseok chuckled and curled his fingers around his slim wrist. “Or do you want to stay and explore your sexuality? Not to act like your mom or anything, but I can't let you before I'm sure that you know how to use protection and everything.”

Hyungwon turned towards him so fast, one might have believed that he had snapped his neck.

“Are you crazy?” he hissed, eyes wide in shock. “She's beckoning me over like a dog. I'm not interested and neither am I supposed to be. It's forbidden, Hoseok.”

_This is fucking crazy, Hoseok._

“Yes, because your family and the system suck. She's beckoning you because she finds you attractive and thinks that you two could talk and maybe if you both like, also become close. Sexually I suppose, but maybe she also likes your royal flirting, who knows? That's how it works,” he whispered back and smiled at Lucy once while pulling Hyungwon after him until they reached the deserted back exit.

“You saying that you're not supposed to be interested gives me seizures, do you know that? Do you even know how fucked up this is?”

“You misunderstand,” the prince murmured and breathed in the fresh air like he had been starving. “I do believe that it could be how you described for others, but it's different for me. I'm not supposed to because I'm not allowed to be influenced. If I am infatuated with somebody they can use my affection to manipulate me, therefore it should be a person that has been chosen for me, safe and living in the palace. It's not only for my safety, it's also to protect the throne. Mistakes from my side by gifting my affection to several women could result in quarrels over the successor. It has all happened before and people died. The rules are in place to avoid all that, Hoseok.” Hyungwon was observing him intently, trying to fix the way the snapback covered his hair unsuccessfully.

“Oh my fucking god,” he whispered in disbelief. “First of all, what the fuck? So if someone kidnaps the queen you'll be like: ‘no problem, I don't like her anyway, it's just a woman, so shoot her in the face, I can't be bothered’. Second, that's why I said to use protection, you won't produce successors and you won't get an STD. We are all humans and forcing yourself not to like anyone is stupid, you can't and won't be able to help it either. That's why they're keeping you as a prisoner while ruining your fucking life filling it full of useless routine and removing any likelihood of affection,” Hoseok hissed while walking towards the street that led to the river.

“How could you speak like that of the queen? It doesn't even matter if it's the queen, the point is that gifting my affection to somebody who is not protected endangers them, automatically. It's not only about me, Hoseok. I can be manipulated through my affection, but they are the ones who would suffer and I don't want that, it's unfair towards them.” There was some hesitation in the other man's words, like whatever Hoseok had said before affected him, gaze remaining on his own feet and hands playing with the fabric of his silk shirt. “They do it for my protection, Hoseok.”

“No, they don't,” he replied and put his hands into the pockets of his jeans, strolling along the street with the pretty houses in one of the nicer quarters of the city.

“I told you that it changed after the attack fifteen years ago. It's for my protection, it's always been. They are almost fanatic about my survival.” The prince's voice changed a little, tone a little sarcastic compared this his previous discomfort.

“Wow, do you know what I love about your family? The double standards. They’ve kept you this locked up monk, feeding you bullshit about values and society while I’ve met your sister in the club, drinking cocktails and - well, doing stuff she liked to do. But then, they will never give her the throne, so basically, they don't care about you if you are never going to be the future promoter of their bullshit. That makes me so sick. Maybe I should just drown in the river and Lucy will bring you back to the palace you love so much.” As soon as he had spoken the words they arrived at the bridge, beautiful broad waters spreading under it and reflecting the night skyline of the city.

Hyungwon didn't look at the beautiful sight though, he only looked at him, lips parted.

“You misunderstand the system,” he commented quietly and sighed. “It is not that they don't care about her. Of course, they care about Yewon, she is part of the family, but unfortunately my father is obsessed with image, the need to appear as impossibly valuable. He wished for Yewon to be desired and have admirers on the outside, known for her beauty while only one man could have her, a man that fulfilled the criteria. With me it's different. They have feared for my safety since back then and have decided to not risk my life any further. Independent of all this you shouldn't drown in the river, Hoseok. Lucy would miss you and to be honest so would I.”

_You would miss her too, wherever you might be._

“I think I'm going to vomit,” he whispered, burying his face in his palms and groaning. After calming himself down a bit, he lifted his leg and climbed on the metal railing, letting his feet dangle over the water. It looked so beautiful from the bridge. He inhaled deeply as the cold air hit his skin while he was leaning out over the river.

 

“You won't really miss me, I'm just a crack in your glass castle. You are disturbed by me but will forget about me as soon as I'm not visible anymore.”

There was no reply, only the feeling of a presence behind him, body heat seeping through the minimal distance between them. Warm hands slowly curled around his waist, holding onto him as the other man sank to his knees behind him. The touch was hesitant and resembled a caress, fingers brushing along his sides. Soft breaths were grazing the skin on his neck in regular intervals, interrupting the silence for a few seconds.

“You're not a crack,” Hyungwon whispered as a weight appeared on Hoseok’s shoulder, just enough to know that it was there. “To me you are like the key to the gate. I might be a little scared of what's behind it, but I still need to see and know. Your mind is so different from what I know, but I don't think that it's necessarily wrong, Hoseok.”

There were a few seconds of silence as the slim arms tightened around his waist, pulling him a little closer.

“Please stay.”

He felt adrenaline rush through his veins, speeding up his heartbeat and forcing goosebumps to appear on his pale skin. It was crazy, the intensity of his perception not comparable to anything else he had felt before.

_He wants you to stay in the place you hate, and that will probably kill you in the long run._

“You make it sound so nice,” he whispered, afraid to break something. It felt fragile, as if he could wake up any moment in his blue room surrounded by robots and the prince's white, painted face without any sign of human expression on it.

“I think the country needs people like you, Hoseok. Individuals with insight and compassion. I- I feel like there is so much I don't understand, but you give me the feeling that you can help me. That instead of the image of continued suffering that you paint I might be able to create something different through you.” A shaky breath brushed over the exposed skin of his neck. “I've never felt like this before.”

_The country doesn't need an advisor for the future king. It needs to redefine itself from scratch._

“Me neither,” he replied quietly, staring down at his feet that swung over the reflections of the skyline. Lifting his hand, he put it on top of the prince's warm palm that rested on his stomach.

There was no reply, only air brushing along his neck and shoulders. Lean arms kept holding on to him, applying a little too much pressure like the other man didn't know the amount of strength needed. It was as if he used too much while attempting to keep him close.

“Are you trying to squish me? No, right? Don't worry, I'll go back to the palace. The suffering has no end but it’s the same for all the others out here, so I can't be getting weak now. I'm no better in any way if I simply fuck off when it gets suffocating.” He brushed his thumb over the back of Hyungwon's hand that held onto him desperately.

The tight hold loosened a little, calmly resting around his waist instead of pressing him against the railing and the other man's chest.

“I'm not holding you because I am afraid you will jump, not anymore,” the prince whispered and rested his head fully on his shoulder. A few strands that had fallen out from under the snapback were tickling his cheek.

_He's not? Maybe he saw Lucy and you and thinks that's what friends do?_

“Why then? It feels nice, right? You're warm.” He continued caressing the prince's warm hand, closing his eyes periodically to suck in the feeling.

“You're warm too,” Hyungwon muttered and buried his nose a little deeper in the crook of Hoseok’s neck. “It feels right somehow, so I'm not letting go.”

_Oh god, he's adorable._

“I'm in awe at how cute you are sometimes, even though we must be the same age. But you have a point, it does feel right.” Sucking in a deep breath, he leaned back against Hyungwon's chest, resting his head on the other man's shoulder in the process. “Ah, I don't want to go.”

“Me neither, but at the same time I feel like I don't really belong here. It feels like the world has been moving all these years, but I only turned in circles, maybe like a moon that believes that it’s all there is to see.”

“But you feel as if you belong there?” he asked, whispering right into the blonde man's ear.

There was no reply at first, just wind ruffling up their hair and sending the prince's scent to his nose.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don't. It's hard to tell, but it's the place I am familiar with and grew up to know. It's like I am a holder that was carved for the knife instead of the palace being what holds me.”

“I don't belong here and I don't belong there. I'm like an alien, but I accommodated well as you see, besides lacking motivation to act and wanting to die every second day.” Chuckling, he turned a little to the side and tried to smell more of the prince's coconut scent.

_He always says that he can't do anything. It's not true._

“But you're wrong. I think that you're a knife that has been told that he's a holder. You're just waiting to be sharpened and to attack.”

“But what should I be attacking and why? Blindingly cutting in the darkness might hurt what's dear to me, Hoseok.”

Hoseok could feel eyes at the side of his face for a brief moment as Hyungwon watched him intently.

“Find out. It's your choice.” He smiled and leaned forward, turning around to crawl away from the dangerous spot.

The prince stood up as well, humming softly and holding out his hand to help him climb over the railing.

Lifting his leg easily, he grasped the other man's palm, even though it wasn't necessary and climbed over. Hyungwon's hair looked ridiculous, so he took off the black snapback and brushed the blonde strands back, pulling the cap on top his head carefully while watching his ice-blue eyes reflecting the lights.

“The water is beautiful, calm but always moving at the same time. I can't help but wonder what's more beautiful, the city or its reflection in the river,” the tall man spoke and glanced at the water before meeting his gaze and holding it intensely.

“I should've gone swimming with you but you're sensitive towards undressing. Maybe next time. Let me hug you once for personal satisfaction,” Hoseok murmured and stretched out his arms, curling them around the other man's slim waist and pulling him closer to his chest. His golden skin really looked as if he was a sculpture made of expensive metal.

There was a brief second during which he could feel the muscle tension of the other man, body remaining frozen in place. But soon after, there was a soft gasp and the sensation of fingertips on his skin, travelling upwards until arms curled around his neck hesitantly.

“Lucy always says if one feels lonely, one needs a hug,” Hoseok muttered and buried his face in the crook of Hyungwon's neck.

“Is it possible to always need a hug then?” the low voice asked as the other man's long fingers stroked over his hair. It felt intimate suddenly.

“Mhm. That's how my life is, I always need a hug.” Chuckling, Hoseok enjoyed the warm embrace and the soft strokes on his hair. It felt so nice that he never wanted it to stop.

“You know, I always thought that people like me are born into loneliness and bear it for everybody else to be free,” Hyungwon began, glancing up at the sky that was void of stars. “But seeing you like this I feel cheated. Why would I have to bear this, if someone like you still feels miserable?”

_Why would he bear the loneliness? Nobody has to bear it._

“You don't have to. You're a human like everyone else and the people who make you feel like this should feel the consequences. You- don't have to do it all, Hyungwon. There is always some kind of a choice. Like us going back to the palace even though they will paint your gorgeous golden skin because of some sick fetish and I'll probably struggle to eat because I will want to vomit from the stress of trying to fool my brain that everything will be okay while failing miserably.” He sighed, loosening his grip and glancing at his watch. “We have to go.”

The prince let go of his neck and nodded, throwing one last glance towards the water, a beautiful rainbow color from all the city lights that mixed into it.

“Choices are always the heaviest burden to bear,” he whispered before finally tearing his eyes away.

 _They are._  
  
_  
  


Hoseok couldn’t sleep. A few hours had passed since they had come back from their dangerous trip outside the palace, climbing over the wall and fooling the guards with the help of the prince. The blonde boy knew their position down to the second, it was fascinating.

Lying in his bed, covered in the light blue silk blanket and feeling it rub against his naked skin, he thought about the way his best friend had smiled as she kissed his cheek when they parted, how she had held his hand, afraid to let go until the last second, whispering words of comfort into his ear while squeezing it repeatedly. ‘It will be okay, Hoseok. You are strong, you can do it. Knowing that you exist somewhere gives me the strength to move on and motivates me to get up every day, don’t give up’ she had said. His heart hurt thinking about it, lungs squeezing and not letting any air pass through until he forcefully inhaled.

_You have to do it. For her._

Keeping the air inside his lungs a little longer, he let his hands travel upwards, starting from his stomach towards his chest. Feeling the warmth of his palms around his naked skin he suddenly thought about the river, the beautiful lights that had reflected in the calm waters and the warmth of the other man’s hands around his waist, the gentle touch and the words repeating in his head, in the prince’s low voice.

_He asked you to stay._

The other man must’ve been completely overwhelmed by the people, the noises and the different impressions, clouding his mind and feeling helpless. Helpless enough to hug him while resting his head on his shoulder, so close that he could trace every single exhale that had left the prince’s plump lips, hitting his neck and forcing goosebumps to appear all over his own skin.

_And you hugged him too, feeling helpless about having to go back to the palace._

They were like two sides of the same coin, coexisting but never really facing each other. The prince felt uncomfortable outside, helpless and unsure, and he felt dead on the inside as soon as he stepped into the palace, surrounded by thick walls that suffocated him.

_He’s probably sleeping tight, like he should._

Chuckling at the image of the tall man in his black silk pajamas curled up in his fat ass blanket, Hoseok turned to the side, pulling his hands under the thick pillow. He would’ve loved to look outside while slowly falling asleep, but he couldn’t, not while sleeping naked like this and forced to close the curtains.

Suddenly he remembered the way the prince had kissed Lucy’s hand, wondering what that had meant. It was something the royal family accepted from other people, but he had never seen any member of the royal family kiss someone’s hand like this.

_Maybe he likes her._

Poor boy.

A few moments passed and he felt the fatigue in his body and his brain giving up on maintaining consciousness while letting him sink into the blackness of sleep.  
  
_  


 

It was morning and the weather only added to the suffocating feeling of the palace walls surrounding him. Thick clouds were hanging down, throwing grey shadows on everything around him, even the marble statues and the golden frames.

He walked along the hallway, dressed in a light blue button down and dark blue suit pants that made his eyes ‘shine’ like his mother used to say, when she forced him into incredibly uncomfortable clothes.

Inhaling deeply, he stopped in front of the huge door and waited until the palace personnel announced his arrival before stepping inside and automatically searching for the already familiar face.

The prince was sitting at the head of the table as usual, carefully chewing a pancake as he glanced up and Hoseok saw the briefest twitch in his right mouth corner, almost resembling a smile.

“Good morning, Lee Hoseok,” he commented and gestured broadly at the breakfast table in front of him. There were several dishes, more than the last few times but Hoseok didn't bother to examine them further. They had painted Hyungwon's face again.

“Good morning, your royal highness,” he replied, hating himself, the presence of the guards and the food. He sat down and put something edible on his plate, reaching for coffee immediately. He had slept for an hour maximum.

“I have asked the servants to prepare something that might be more to your taste. There are various creations with apples as I believe you enjoy them,” the prince elaborated and glanced at a dish instead of pointing at it, manners returning like they had never left. “I appreciate that you have joined me for breakfast again. The princess is not feeling well and has decided to remain in her chambers this morning.”

_You need to see whether she's okay._

The worry about Yewon almost overshadowed his nausea. Staring at Hyungwon with his mouth slightly parted, he didn't know what to say, so he just mouthed ‘why?’.

The prince saw his facial expression and instantly seemed more concerned about him than he was about the princess, telling a servant to arrange the prepared foods on Hoseok’s plate.

“If you wish, we could pay her a visit and see her condition for ourselves. It shouldn't be a problem for you to see the princess as long as I am present,” Hyungwon explained and placed another piece of pancake into his mouth, chewing slowly.

It was hilarious how they worried about Hoseok doing something when he was the person who was least likely to touch the girl.

“I am not very hungry, but thank you for your concern, your royal highness. Sure, we can see the princess, whatever you wish, your royal highness,” he murmured and took a sip of his coffee, burning in his mouth because he drank too much at once.

There was a twitch in Hyungwon's palm, almost like he wished to pull the cup from Hoseok’s hands, but the prince resisted the urge. Staring at him intently, the blonde man waited until their eyes met.

‘Lucy asked you to eat,’ he mouthed and licked over his lips, keeping the eye contact until Hoseok glanced away.

_He sounds like your mother._

She also used Lucy to make him do things. He should never have let him meet his best friend.

‘Fuck you,’ he mouthed back and pushed the plate with the prepared food away, emptying his coffee instead.

The prince's eyes widened briefly as he glanced around. He must have been making sure that nobody had seen Hoseok’s rudeness towards him. The servants remained still around them, like statues with ears and mouths that only revealed secrets if necessary.

‘I am concerned, why do you insult me, Hoseok?’ Hyungwon mouthed back eventually, plump lips pulling together and emphasizing how thick they were as he did. It was obvious that the blonde royal wasn't familiar with the action and didn't know how much effort was necessary to be understood. There was a short break in which Hyungwon swallowed a few gulps of his coffee before returning his gaze to Hoseok’s face.

“Is there anything that can be done to increase your comfort in the palace, Lee Hoseok?”

‘Yes, just leave me alone,’ he whispered, barely audibly, and stood up, bowing down gracefully.

“You are already doing everything and I am feeling perfectly comfortable thanks to you, your royal highness.”

“I'm glad to hear that,” was the quiet reply but it sounded strange, unlike the other man. “You are excused.”

“Please visit the princess without me, your royal highness.” Hoseok turned around and left the breakfast hall, questioning why people always attempted to make him do things they wanted by exploiting his affection towards his best friend, using it like a weakness.

_He's no exception apparently._

Marching down the hallway, adrenaline was pumping through his veins. The warm arms around his waist, the soft exhales against his skin and the long fingers stroking over his hair so affectionately all seemed so far away now.

_He just wants you to behave._

Everybody wanted that. The prince wasn't the exception.

_Because he's like everybody else._

 

 

***

 

Hyungwon had been naive, again.

Experiences weren't necessary a blessing, a white dove that flew across the ocean of his misery and brought good news. It was just like everything else, merely one side of a coin, just the beginning of the catastrophe.

Hyungwon had focused on the white side, fascinated by the knowledge he gained and the people he met, so different from what he had been used to. But that wasn't everything. There was so much more to experience than the first layer, more than the few drops of wax that remained after blowing out a candle. Once he dug deeper, the knowledge could be a white dove, but it was also able to appear in the form of a raven, announcing the return of misery.

He had struggled to fall asleep last night, mind constantly returning to what he had seen, experienced and been told. He returned to the way Lucy had cried because of how desperate she was about her own situation but also the future of the prince consort. There was so much compassion in each word she had spoken that Hyungwon had felt overwhelmed.

The memory of Hoseok’s palm on top of his was fresh like a cut that hurt a little whenever he moved, returning to his mind like a perfectly memorized painting. It had been intimate, closer than Hyungwon had ever been with another person. It felt like a thought that would remain with him, pulling at the distance he constantly established with the people around him.

_But you have to, you have to in the palace._

Experiences could feel overwhelming and enriching on the one side, but they were also able to show what was missing.

Lying in his bed and curling the soft fabric further around his long body, Hyungwon had tried to remember the feeling of skin against his lips, the brief touch of his mouth against the small woman's hand. He wasn't able to. It seemed like the memory had disappeared, knowing that it wasn't his to have.

The experiences had given him knowledge, but they have also showed him his lack thereof.

_You know nothing. Everything is different outside the palace, but you can't see._

He didn't know how to console, how to embrace, how to approach a person who was hurt. Shouldn't he have been taught those things, shown the right ways to behave, the techniques to have another human being open up to him and share concerns?

Hyungwon was supposed to take the throne and rule over people that he had never seen and couldn't even imagine the life of. How could he know what is best for them while sitting inside his glass prison and avoiding any attempt at human contact that was offered him?

_You’re like a bird that has finally realized that it's living inside a cage._

It was terrifying, like a fairytale that he had been living in, calm and at peace until the happy bubble suddenly popped. Once he left the palace, he had believed that the outside was the fairytale, books becoming reality, but it was the other way around. His life in the palace was the fairytale, the catastrophe until he became king and be forced to deal with all of his insecurities and inabilities.

But even if he struggled with the realization of his own naivety, it must have been so much worse for Hoseok. The black-haired man had been like a different person, carefree in his actions even if he had been frustrated and desperate on the bridge, embracing him intensely. It wasn't comparable to the shell he had seen at breakfast, mechanically replying to his words and throwing a metaphorical dagger into his chest.

Hyungwon had been aware that words could hurt. He knew it all too well, but the way Hoseok had asked to be left alone was like a million tiny needles that pushed between his ribs, each on their own and at different times to extend the painful sensation for as long as possible.

_It's like it doesn't matter that you shared a secret, he still detests you and everything that you stand for._

It hurt, a lot and it was unfamiliar enough for Hyungwon to lose his own appetite and return to his bed chambers. He didn't have the time to be upset, not about words that weren't supposed to hurt him. But still his lips trembled as soon as the heavy doors closed behind him and he was met with ivory decorations and gold that covered the walls and furniture, screaming his status at everybody that entered.

_Maybe that's why you were kept on your own, far from all this._

It was too easy to get hurt, affected enough to abandon his responsibilities. Here he was, standing in his bedroom and pressing his lips together instead of joining his violin teacher for another lesson, continuing with his homeschooling on politics. Hyungwon had responsibilities to carry and rules to follow, there was no time to be upset about a rejection of somebody he had believed to be close.

_He never said that he is your friend, Hyungwon, he hates the palace and he hates you._

It was difficult to see how destructive the palace was for the black-haired man, like a war on different fronts. Hyungwon was in control at the palace, aware of the rules and how they worked whereas the other man suffered from the position he was put into, at a disadvantage. At the same time, it had been different outside, with Hoseok possessing all of the expertise and Hyungwon relying on his knowledge and confidence to show and teach him. It could have been an equal exchange, taking care of the respective other person. But it wasn't.

_Because he is miserable._

Hyungwon wished to help somehow, to give the black-haired man something that turned his stay at the palace into something bearable, maybe even something he enjoyed and could benefit from, much like Hyungwon learned from experiencing the outside.

But it seemed like there was nothing he could give the future prince consort, nothing that he valued. Everything he valued was to be found on the outside. Freedom, comfort and finally the short woman he had met during their forbidden exploration of the outside world, Lucy.

_If only you could give him Lucy._

But Hyungwon didn't know how. He wasn't familiar enough with the other woman to explain his need for her presence in the palace. Her skin color was problematic too as it was looked down upon and might be seen to besmirch the sanctity of the palace.

_But why? You are different too, but they simply keep it a secret._

There had to be something that Lucy was able to give, to contribute that couldn't be found anywhere else.

_You have to find out what it is._

He fixed his attire and prepared to leave his room, ready to continue with his lessons until the end of the day. Only when he was following his responsibilities as he was meant to do, did he realize his own thought patterns. He had been hurt by the black-haired man's words, reminded that they weren't close and in no way affiliated apart from Lee Hoseok becoming the prince consort in a few weeks. But instead of keeping his distance and following customary interactions, Hyungwon was opposing it.

_You're trying to make him like you._

He was fishing for affection and appreciation, something that the black-haired man was promised to gift somebody else, attention that was his sister's to have and in no way related to him. They were in the same prison of glass, but there was no need for closeness. Hyungwon had never needed it before and there was no reason to require it now. It should have been perfectly fine the way it was, returning to familiarity and routine.

But the experiences had given him both, the dove and the raven.

 

_

 

The thoughts didn't leave him, even when he was on his own at night and making his way through the empty palace, deadly quiet with the change in weather. It had gotten cooler, but Hyungwon could bear the fresh breeze for the brief moments he wished to be on his own, surrounded by the green of the garden.

It had been like a sanctuary before, now it felt like a slightly bigger cage, showing him how little he could actually see.

Hyungwon hadn't felt comfortable outside the palace, not all the time and the way people behaved and dressed had been shocking, beyond everything he considered acceptable. But still there had been something exciting about it, like he was destined to step over his own shadow, grow with what he saw before his eyes.

_You felt like you could become worthy of your status instead of just an imposter with mud in his blood._

Chewing on his cheek, Hyungwon held onto the familiar statue’s hand and jumped down onto the plaza, hiding in the shadows until all guards were out of sight. A small spark in him hoped to see the black-haired man, to talk to him and exchange his thoughts on what he had seen the night before. They hadn't had the possibility to talk, not when dawn was already breaking and they had to hurry to their bedchambers before sunlight.

_But he dislikes you. He went with you once, but he never said that he will show you more. He never promised you anything._

The thoughts were unpleasant, as painful as the thorns on the rose bushes around him. They penetrated the skin without being visible, remaining stuck inside, impossible to remove. His feelings were there and couldn't be influenced.

_The king is meant to be a wall to those who mean harm, but an open book to those who wish to trust._

He hadn't mastered the words yet. He wasn't as untouchable as he had believed himself to be.

Crouching next to the labyrinth, Hyungwon moved quietly, calculating each step to avoid the crunching of leaves.

Right next to the labyrinth entrance, his eyes fell on a familiar silhouette, a shadow that moved a little. The other man was sitting, back leaned against one of the perfectly cut bushes while drinking something out of a bottle.

Hyungwon hesitated to come closer, even though his heartbeat picked up and he felt the stabbing sensation from before until it was overshadowed by something more pleasant. Hoseok was genuine at night, willing to talk and understand.

_Maybe he will forgive you._

Hyungwon's motions were careful as he crawled closer, only stopping when he was right next to the black-haired man, sitting down. The blood was rushing in his ears and body, adrenaline spreading at the fear of being sent away again.

Hoseok removed the bottle from his lips and looked at him, sea-blue eyes looking dark on his pale face.

“Oh, you came out. Did you manage to sleep yesterday?” The black-haired man asked, seeming genuinely curious, but also hesitant.

Hyungwon kept himself from drowning in the peace of sweet relief. He had learned to never let his guard down too quickly, showing his weaknesses.

“No, I have been too occupied with my own thoughts and impressions,” he replied and licked over his lips. His naked feet were dark enough to be easily overlooked next to his black pajamas. Hyungwon wished to hide them, but there was not enough fabric to do so.

“Interesting, I kind of pictured you snoring while curled up in your fat blanket. But quite a few things happened, so I guess you were overwhelmed. I thought so, it must've freaked you out.” Sea-blue eyes focused on his face while Hoseok watched him intently.

Overwhelmed sounded like the wrong word, it didn't suggest whether it was something bad or something good. It had been a perfect mixture and Hyungwon wished there was a fitting expression for that.

“Unusual things happened, but I am not freaked out, not now. Instead, I find myself returning to my own impressions and thoughts and questioning things that I shouldn't be doubting,” he whispered and returned the gaze, instantly remembering the moment on the tiny ballroom floor when the black-haired man had held his waist, leading him through the dance moves. The sensation had been warm and pleasant.

_Something you should forget._

“You're doubting something? Like what?” the other man's low voice asked, getting the bottle ready to take another sip.

“Like whether it's better to experience something once and as a consequence know what one is missing or to never know it in the first place, remain blissfully unaware.” His voice sounded low, especially without the cold breeze that paused for a few seconds. It was cold but he could bear it.

“I prefer to know and be unhappy about the knowledge. It was easier to give you the fault for everything before, now I can't anymore, and it was easier when you didn't know me and my weaknesses, but I still prefer it like this, even if it makes me miserable.” Hoseok lifted the bottle and closed his lips around the bottle neck, swallowing once.

_He stopped blaming you? But he seemed so full of hatred towards you before._

“Why did you stop blaming me if it gave you peace of mind before?” he asked quietly and let his long fingers run along the smooth fabric of his pajamas. They were light and lose on his slim frame.

“Because it's not the truth. Truth is never easy like that, it's complex. It makes you miserable, helpless and it hurts. But I still prefer it, because ignorance is not an option for me. Ignorance is the only thing I've experienced while growing up. This can't be it,” Hoseok replied with a serious look on his pale face, before throwing his head back and staring at the night sky. “Why did you kiss Lucy's hand? Is it some kind of royal flirting?”

Hyungwon's eyes widened at the question, jumping from the black-haired man's curved lips to his nose and finally to his eyes, attached to the blackness that was the sky.

“Are you not familiar with the gesture?” he asked, worried that Lucy might have misunderstood his intentions.

_Maybe that is why he was upset with you, believing that you have hurt her and ridiculed her with a kiss despite her dislike for men._

“It was an apology, my wish to show that I felt remorse for making her cry unnecessarily, by reminding her of her situation. As a royal it required me to return a gesture of submission, which I did by kissing the back of her hand,” he explained and chewed on his cheek. “I hope she has accepted my apology, it was a first for me to do it this way.”

The black-haired man turned to the side while looking at him intently.

“You apologized? So, this is how you folks apologize? We just say ‘I'm sorry, forgive me’.” Hoseok looked in thought at his words. “But it was really nice of you, thank you.”

“It was the truth, my genuine feelings about the situation. I love the truth as much as you do, Hoseok. But there are few opportunities to speak it.” His body felt warm at the gratitude that the black-haired man expressed. It felt calm, like the ice that had been between them in the morning had melted. “Words can be untrue, but lowering one’s meaningless pride is a sign of appreciation.”

Humming, the other man turned further and curled his warm fingers around one of his wrists, taking his hand. It looked way darker on top of Hoseok's pale, marble-like palms. Keeping the eye contact, the black-haired man exhaled and lifted his hand to his curved mouth, placing a gentle kiss on the back of his hand and keeping the touch for a few seconds, sea-blue eyes fluttering shut.

Hyungwon could feel his own lips part at the sight as warmth appeared to center at the point of contact of the black-haired man's impossibly soft lips and the back of his hand. It tingled a little, spreading warmth throughout his body and he didn't know what to do, remaining frozen in place. His gaze wasn't able to part from Hoseok's closed eyes. The other was willingly touching him and gifting him a kiss, an apology. The importance of the gesture spread goosebumps over his arms and legs, pulling a soft gasp from his lips.

“Hoseok, I-” he began, but didn't know what to say.

The already familiar eyes opened again as the other man's soft lips left his skin. Hoseok placed his other palm on top, so that his hand was held in between the other man's palms.

“I'm sorry, Hyungwon, sorry for being mean. I didn't mean to.”

“I- I forgive you,” Hyungwon whispered and could feel his own fingers shake between the black-haired man's. The gesture was more than meaningful, it was genuine, truthful, a sign that Hoseok did not despise him as he had feared. “I thought that you detest me and everything that I represent.”

A tiny smile pulled at the curved lips, as Hoseok rubbed his fingers over his hands, as if to warm it up, or out of nervousness, one couldn't really tell.

“Let's not talk about what you represent, but I definitely don't hate you as a person. I would never let you near me if I did, let alone hugging. It's just- my parents always used Lucy to make me do things, including coming here. I'm here because I have a weak point like that, and I thought you were using it to make me eat. It hurt me, coming from you.”

_He thought you were manipulating him, like a chess piece being played the way you want it to._

“I was concerned, I hoped that you would remember her words and take care of your health. Your unhappiness was one of the reasons she shed tears, so I thought reminding you of her words would return your will,” he murmured and hoped that the pale hands wouldn't let go of his. The touch felt hot, the difference in their body temperatures obvious. Pulling his bottom lip into his mouth, Hyungwon curled his long fingers around a pale palm, staying close. “I never meant to use you, Hoseok, I apologize if it made you feel this way. I tried to satisfy your tastes by preparing apples which you have enjoyed greatly in the garden.”

Hyungwon felt almost childish about his attempts to make the black-haired man like him, occupying himself with his preferences and the things in which he found happiness. The attachment that the other man's parents had used to manipulate him with, was the exact thing that Hyungwon was meant to avoid by remaining alone and locked in the castle.

_Because affection is said to be a weakness._

“You-” Hoseok started and his lips spread in a bright smile, eyes turning into crescents. “You are really adorable. I don't care about food at all, but you are so cute.”

Hyungwon instantly frowned at that, disliking the childish evaluation of his actions even if he had felt the same way about them himself, mere seconds ago.

“Why- have your parents been able to manipulate you through Lucy? How have you kept her next to you?” he asked, attempting to distract. The desire to learn more and be able to gift the black-haired man a bit of happiness returned like the sudden sound of the cathedral bell. Hyungwon wanted to keep the contact and see the curved smile again, understand what Hoseok was thinking.

“Her dad works at my father's company, in one of the production plants. So ‘if you don't do what we want he will be fired and Lucy can't afford university anymore’. Or ‘you know that the scholarship Lucy gets is financed by our company, so do what we say, or she won't have money for food for the next few months’. I can't do that and I can't kill my parents either because I'm not a violent person at all. That's why I let people step on me.”

Hoseok remembered his bottle and wanted to take a sip, removing one of his hands from Hyungwon's palm.

“She's really smart, Lucy is, I suck at math so she helped me during my school days and now at university. I'm more the philosophical ‘why all of you are capitalistic and misogynistic pigs, an essay by Lee Hoseok’ person.”

_They pressured him with his friend’s misery._

Hyungwon couldn't believe how heartless the other man's parents were able to be, willingly stepping on another person and their future as a means of forcing their son to do their bidding.

There had never been a person to influence him with, no one has ever been allowed close enough. If Hyungwon had to choose a person he felt the closest to, he would have mentioned Mary, one of the servants that helped in daily life. The elderly woman had basically raised him, finding him at various parts of the castle and bringing him back to his lessons. Once he reached his fourteenth birthday, she had been dismissed from her duties with him, only taking care of his clothes in the morning.

_Maybe that is why she was dismissed, to keep you without weaknesses like that._

“I wish your parents could be punished for what they have done, but their behavior is not something that is punished by law. I didn't know that Lucy struggled financially. Is there a way to help her?” Hyungwon asked, furiously attempting to think of a way that permitted punishment for firing somebody without a proper reason, but the laws weren't as clear for people of color. There weren't many like Lucy.

Busy drinking from his bottle, the black-haired man hadn't returned his palm on top of Hyungwon's, breeze grazing it repeatedly instead of being surrounded by warmth.

_You are becoming greedy for what is forbidden, Hyungwon._

“Mhm, create a society where everyone has the same chances, a society that is not ruled by a bunch of white assholes with blue eyes. Someday when I'm drunk enough, I'll tell you a sad story about me hating blue eyes so much. And the royals for that matter, but not now, now you have way too many things you know about me to last you for quite some time. Ah, I'm tipsy.” Hoseok chuckled and put the bottle into his other palm. “Here, drink some, you're cold,” the black-haired man whispered, thumb circling around his palm and stroking over the back of his hand.

“Will it make me warm?” Hyungwon asked quietly and accepted the unfamiliar bottle. He wasn't allowed to drink anything without a tester, somebody who drank it before him to ensure it wasn't poisoned. But it was stupid to doubt Hoseok and the way the black-haired man had emptied the bottle halfway.

Licking over his lips, he lifted the bottle and swallowed a few gulps, feeling the burn down his throat and blur his sense for a few seconds. Almost dropping the bottle, he coughed and couldn't cover his face as his palm was safely attached to the pale hands grasping his.

“I would love to create a society like that, I just wish I knew how. Status doesn't matter sometimes. I know that as soon as I step foot out of these walls and the people see my real skin, they will doubt me. They will doubt my origin, my place on the throne and my values. I will be just like they say, a prince with mud mixed into his blood.” The words hurt as he spoke them, reminding him of his biggest weakness.

_No matter how much you want to be a good king, they won't listen to you if they know._

“If I could choose a king, I would like one with golden skin, like you. It's beautiful, I almost choked at the pedestrian light when I saw you for the first time, I mean without makeup and under the light. So beautiful, ah.” Another smile appeared on the pale face as Hoseok tried to see his features on the barely lit up spot they were sitting.

The black-haired man was so genuine, easily giving compliments even though it was unusual to hear such words from another man his age. He had received such compliments from counts before, but never about his skin, only about his eyes and the red color of his lips.

_You were presumed to marry quickly, but they were wrong._

“Usually my lips are what others point out about me, never my skin,” he murmured and couldn't help but watch the way the corners of Hoseok's mouth lifted up minimally, the brightness of his smile was gorgeous. His lips didn't even need more light as his smile illuminated their surroundings all on its own. “Your smile is like sunshine after a brief rain, refreshing and breathtaking at the same time.”

Suddenly the other man lowered his gaze and his smile changed. He looked shy. It was the first time Hyungwon had seen the black-haired man like this.

“Thanks,” Hoseok whispered.

“Do you- feel lonely?”

The words spilled from his lips without his awareness of where they had come from. Hyungwon never spoke without thinking, but somehow the words decided to be uttered on their own. They accompanied the warmth that spread through his body from the alcohol he had tasted and the beautiful smile he had observed. Maybe it was too strange to describe another man's smile with a feeling, but Hyungwon had wanted to be truthful.

“Mh?” The ocean-blue eyes returned to his face, slightly widened as a reaction to his question. “Lonely? To be honest it's binary. I feel alone or I'm scared of losing the moment when I'm not lonely. There's no in between.”

“And now? Do you feel lonely… now?” Hyungwon asked again, connection between their hands feeling much warmer suddenly. His heart was beating quickly as he remembered the other man's words the day before, legs trembling briefly. He hoped it wasn't obvious as he had no control over it.

“It's a mixture, but yes, I'm here in the palace drinking gin so I guess I do. How about you?” The other man swallowed visibly and grabbed the bottle, taking another sip quickly before putting it to the side.

Hyungwon licked over his lips as the adrenaline spiked up in his blood, blurring his head and deafening his senses with how loudly it hammered in his ears.

“I am always lonely, I fear it is the core of my existence,” he replied, voice barely audible as he let go of Hoseok’s hand and lifted his arms, spreading them out towards the other man. He felt scared even though it was something simple, something other people did all the time. But for him it was special, something exciting and even a little bit terrifying.

Hoseok's gaze jumped from his arms to his face, eyes and maybe lips, he couldn't really tell. For a few seconds nothing happened, before the black-haired man leaned forward, circling his arms around his waist carefully, head resting on his shoulder. It felt way more intimate with how thin the fabric was that separated their naked skin.

The sensation should have been similar, but it wasn't. Instead it appeared even more intense than the last time, each finger that brushed over his pajama clad back easily identifiable. Hyungwon curled his arms around the black-haired man's neck, and allowed his fingers to travel along the soft strands, drawing patterns. It felt nice, impossibly nice. So pleasant that he was scared of it to end and to be forced to return to meaningless gazes and pointless words, unable to defeat the loneliness like this.

“Lucy always says that when one is lonely, one needs a hug, doesn't she?” he asked against the warm, pale skin of Hoseok’s neck and inhaled slowly. He was scared to let go, arms tightening a little as he buried his face in the soft silk of the other man's pajamas.

“Mhm. She knows, her family taught her and she taught me. But it's pointless if there is no-one you want to hug. I guess I got lucky,” Hoseok whispered in his low voice, right next to his ear, hot exhales caressing his skin as he felt tiny movements of the other man's warm fingers against his back.

The feeling of warm air travelling along his neck reminded him of his longing to know and experience the feeling of skin against his lips. He struggled to remember what it felt like to briefly touch his lips to another person in an affectionate gesture. Most of all he wanted to do it again.

But he didn't, he was too afraid. His hands were shaking as he allowed them to touch the black hair and Hoseok’s muscular shoulders, fascinated by the dips and structure of his body. Hyungwon's own body felt so different in comparison.

_You're not allowed to be doing this._

The thought was scary, but so was the thought of letting go.

He felt the warm palms travel from his waist upwards, drawing along his spine before Hoseok sunk his fingers into his hair and stroked it gently, similar to how he had touched the black-haired man.

Hyungwon gasped, unable to contain the sound and froze as soon as it reached his ears.

_What are you doing? Is touching meant to be like this?_

He didn't know, he only knew that he wasn't allowed to be doing it and there had to be a reason for it, a sensible one that he wasn't aware of and couldn't understand yet.

His body felt like it was trembling in the other man's hold as he remained still. He was terrified, terrified of the feeling disappearing and terrified of crossing a line he shouldn't have crossed.

“Are you cold?” Hoseok asked, taking his body’s response for a sign of being cold and pressed him closer to his muscular, warm body.

Hyungwon's breaths instantly sped up, heat spreading through his body and making the previous cold seem like a hallucination.

“Not anymore,” he whispered, restricted in his movements and feeling the black-haired man's heart beat against his chest. They were so close. The fabric of his pajamas suddenly felt so thin, almost insignificant as he hugged the other man. Hyungwon felt naked, exposed without the customary emotions attached to it, shame, disgust with himself. None of it was present, only his desire to remain attached.

Hoseok inhaled once before leaning back, intense gaze immediately settling on his face as he removed his warm hands, visibly unwilling to do so.

“It got cold, I don't know how sensitive you are, but considering that you’ve never rolled in snow naked, you probably need to take care of your health. You-” Hesitating for a few seconds, the black-haired man licked over his lips briefly. “Thank you for this. Thank you for making the loneliness fade a little and for making me fear to lose the moment of not being lonely.”

Hyungwon swallowed audibly and nodded. He felt the same. The desire to keep the embrace and remain engulfed by the other man's warmth was almost crippling, but his pride didn't allow him to act. He kept the desires inside his chest, locked away, forbidden from reaching the surface. He wasn't outside anymore, he was in the palace.

_This is your home and you're breaking your own rules._

“Let us go back,” he whispered and curled his right hand, feeling the blunt nails dig into the soft skin of his palm. It hurt but it distracted him, reminding him of his role and what was important. There must have been a reason for everything that was forbidden, if safety wasn't the reason for not allowing him closeness there had to be something else. There needed to be a problem with it that he was meant to avoid, to circumvent and master.

_Maybe you don't need to master it, Hyungwon._

Maybe the loneliness was his only challenge.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why would you say that? It's strange, unfitting to the situation. Not even friends should undress, it's inappropriate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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_At least you have Lucy, he doesn't have anyone._

The thought kept appearing in his head, no matter how hard he had tried to distract himself, but the prince and the way he had stretched out his lean arms towards him kept bugging him. Rationally speaking he should've been bugged by his wedding that was supposed to be in two months or by the fact that he was going to rot in the palace until someone had mercy and loosened the safely attached chandelier. He had asked himself why the wedding was rushed so much, but his thoughts kept circling around the blonde prince for no reason instead of taking care of his own problems.

_Like Yewon. She was super sad because of this too._

Sneaking into the princess’ room at 10PM, he sat down on the carpet and stared at the blonde girl who was taking off her top skirt, revealing another skirt that was a little shorter.

Staring at him with lifted eyebrows, Yewon pursed her lips, almost like she couldn't believe that Hoseok didn't even appear the slightest bit surprised about her taking off her clothes like it was nothing.

“How are you? I heard that you were not okay, so I thought I'd come over.” He smiled and leaned back on his elbows.

“I'm- better,” the princess remarked and sighed loudly, throwing her body on top of her soft bed. “We shouldn't talk too loudly, I don't want them to hear me talking to a man and come in to find me on my bed. They would think you were touching me and I can't deal with being shamed right now.”

“They're misogynistic pigs,” he murmured and crawled closer to the bed to be able to speak quietly. “It's kind of fishy to be honest, that they're rushing it so much. Don't you think? Also, I smuggled gin into the palace, so we should have a drink.” Pulling a tiny bottle out of his pants that he had stolen from the kitchen, he opened it and took a sip, handing it to the blonde girl on the bed.

“Oh my god, you are my hero,” Yewon exclaimed and shifted on the bed, pushing her fluffy skirt around until it was like a pillow below her. “I don't know why they are rushing it, but father seemed dissatisfied with something. They also began looking for a princess consort for Hyungwon and they hadn’t bothered too much before.”

_Weird._

“That's probably not as bad, he kept talking about it not being his turn yet as if it was something desirable, that fool,” Hoseok muttered and pointed at the bottle in Yewon’s hand questioningly.

The girl grinned and took a big gulp, almost moaning at the taste on her tongue.

“Watch me turn into this old princess everybody hates that just gets drunk at night and insults all the guards,” she commented before her face turned a little more grim, concern written all over it. “He doesn't know better. He's lonely, they keep him like an animal in a cage, not allowed to do anything. I remember when they slapped his fingers for climbing a tree when he was little. It was terrifying and I still remember his face.”

Staring at Yewon's features for a few seconds he threw his head back, suppressing a groan.

“Have I mentioned that I hate this place? But on the other hand, my childhood wasn't any better to be honest. The more time passes the more I think that it's not only the problem of the society but also the problem of the people. My parents are assholes, your parents are assholes, we need to do something, we can't be living like this forever. And Hyungwon, he's actually pretty curious and understands immediately if I explain something to him. It's a mess that he's not allowed to learn so much more. And his skin is beautiful, he looks like a golden statue, but one having nothing to do with slaves dying in gold mines.” Hoseok suddenly stopped caring about the gin, thoughts immediately starting to circle around the blonde prince.

“You- talked to him?” Yewon asked quietly and somehow it seemed like the prospect shocked her, eyes widening a little.

“Oh, oops, yeah I did. Why? Am I bad company? I mean, I definitely am if you intend on keeping him away from real life, cursing and societal criticism.” Brushing his black bangs back, he opened one button on his pajamas, it was way too hot in the princess’ room.

Yewon's eyes instantly jumped to the exposed skin before she tore them away. She reacted very much like her brother did.

“You're not bad company, not at all. If you cursed that means it wasn't in the presence of servants and the guards, so that's good. That's very good.”

“No, we hang around sometimes and talk. He's nice company, like you. But he's more stuck up I'd say.” Watching the way the girl’s skirt looked highly uncomfortable and way too hot considering the room temperature, he pointed at it and focused his gaze on Yewon's pale face. “Don't you want to take this off? It looks like modern day torture.”

“Ehm, smooth, but I'm not wearing anything under it apart from panties,” the princess remarked and pursed her lips again. She did that a lot.

_She thinks you might consider her sexually attractive. That's bad._

“Hyungwon is pretty stuck up, it's what happens when someone preaches the same shit to you and you never get out of the classroom. I'm glad that you don't meet him officially because you would get reprimanded. That's what happened to me a few years ago when we were talking a lot. They threatened to keep me inside these walls if I distract him too much from his responsibilities and his studies. It's fucked up.” Sighing, the blonde girl rearranged her skirt again. “I'm surprised he hasn't lost it yet.”

“If there's someone who doesn't care whether you're naked or not then it's me. Believe me. I have enough experience to ensure you that there won't be a time that I will think of you in a sexual way. It sucks if you want me as a lover, but it's okay if you're fine with having me as a friend. I won't lie to you and pretend because you need to know before going through all this marriage bullshit with me.” Tilting his head, he observed the blonde woman intently. It must've been weird to be desired by a lot of men but to not get the same response from him, but well, people were different, society just made them seem the same.

Yewon raised an eyebrow.

“What are you, gay?” she asked and chuckled.

Looking around and listening attentively to the surroundings, he focused his gaze on the blue eyes and nodded.

_There's no point. She has to know what to expect._

The change was instant as the blonde woman's face fell and her lips parted in shock, blue eyes widening.

“Oh god, please tell me you're joking,” she whispered and bit down on her lower lip, similar to the way the prince did it when he seemed insecure.

He rose to his feet and walked the two steps towards the bed, sitting down next to the skinny girl.

“I'm not. You probably thought I was joking because of Lucy, but she's just my best friend. I'm not into women, Yewon. If I was, I'd probably be all over you because you're pretty and smart, but it just doesn't work like that with me. That's why I didn't want to marry, but unfortunately no-one asked.” Sighing, he looked to the ceiling. He hated conversations like this one and he rarely talked about his sexual preferences, but it was his responsibility to make his point as clear as possible.

“I- really don't know what to say. I thought you were just joking. But you are mannered towards women and get upset about objectification, not your typical hetero male attributes around here. You could be ostracized for this. It might be bearable outside, but not in the palace. If somebody finds out or even suspects it will be living hell. Oh god, Hoseok.” Sucking her lips into her mouth, the pretty girl reached out and curled her arms around him, switching from worry about her own situation towards shock about Hoseok’s. “I can't believe I will die a virgin married to a gay man. I don't even know if I should laugh at this point.”

“Why are you worried about me? I have a lot of things I can go to jail for, so don't worry about me. What about you? You're beautiful, you definitely deserve someone who will desire you if that's what you want. Wait, let me show you and then you can let them lock me up and get another husband.” Hoseok started unbuttoning his pajama top further until the black lines became visible. “Like this, only all over where it's not visible. So please consider.”

“You're crazy. You're fucking crazy,” Yewon hissed and buried her hands in her skirt, eyes wide. “I wouldn’t even dare let them lock you up, as crazy as you are. You make me curious about how far you can go, fucking every rule this country has ever written.”

A smile spread his lips as he buttoned up again and crossed his legs.

“I'm definitely nuts. But I can promise you that I will do everything so that you won't get hurt. Not according to the rules, but rather according to my own values. I just wanted you to know what kind of person I am, before we act out the whole theatre performance for the press and our parents.” Brushing his hair back, he wiggled an eyebrow at the princess. “But you're really cool, until now the coolest person in here.”

“Uhh, thanks,” the blonde woman replied and rolled her eyes. “Good luck convincing them that you fucked me then. Will you even be able to kiss me for show?” The princess seemed doubtful and reached for the zipper of her skirt, pulling it down before removing the mass off fabric. There was still a little bit of hesitation on her face as she watched him to check his reaction.

“Kissing? Sure! It's like kissing a wall. Listen, I didn't say I was disgusted, just not into, you know, women. And concerning the sick rules you have with the first night and this disgusting treatment of the bride, my friend, Lucy, she might be able to help you there. She knows things.” He lifted his finger to emphasize that his best friend was a very experienced woman.

Instead of being freaked out, Yewon seemed grateful, nodding quickly and rubbing over her naked thighs. She was really pale compared to Hyungwon, almost paler than Hoseok.

“Thank you, I- that would be amazing. It'll also be less awkward, cause- yeah. I'm the princess, I have fucked up rules to follow. Hale-fucking-lujah.” Smiling sadly, the blonde girl lifted up on her knees and removed her top as well, only remaining in bra and panties. “I've never been this undressed in front of a man. It's kinda crazy.”

“Hm, well, Lucy has seen me completely naked, and insulted me, but that's another story. I've seen her naked too. But for me- you- I mean sure, you look like a pretty human, but you look more like a half-naked friend. Does it make sense? I hope that you can feel at ease next to me.” He smiled and spread his arms, which was fucking weird because the princess was half naked, but she was also sad, so he didn't care.

There was a chuckle and a hesitant movement, until the blonde woman simply climbed into his lap and embraced him, sighing in disbelief.

“I've never had a half-naked friend I think, but well, I'm a woman of many firsts,” she remarked and relaxed into the touch. “I'm also a little sad because I liked your body. I always imagined being carried and stuff, like a fucking princess.”

“Relatable. My body is really nice, I just hate my skin color and my eyes. I can carry you, but I might just dump you somewhere,” he commented and chuckled. “Don't be sad. We can do this.”

The princess laughed loudly and slapped his shoulder.

“That sounded wrong,” she remarked with a grin. “But now I know why you like Hyungwon's skin color, because you dislike societal standards ri-”

Suddenly Yewon stopped talking as her eyes turned into sauce pans and she grabbed Hoseok’s collar.

“Oh my god, is that why you are meeting Hyungwon in private?”

“What?” He stared at the girls face right in front of his. “I'm meeting the prince because I dislike societal standards? You know that it sounds like the dumbest explanation ever, right?”

“No, you idiot. Are you meeting the prince because you- well- you know- like men?”

_Oh for fuck’s sake._

“Listen up, darling, do you automatically jump dick as soon as a guy comes along only because you like men? No? Well, surprise, it's the same for me. Furthermore, he's waiting for his wife and I'm trying not to die, so there's not much that we have in common. We're actually the opposite of each other.”

_Besides the fact that you're both lonely._

“I'm sorry for presupposing, I'm just worried about him because he doesn't know stuff like that. I also don't want you to be reprimanded by the king for meeting him too much.” Climbing off his lap, the princess covered her body with her blanket and stared at him from her spot on the bed, half of her face covered. “His majesty has a bad temper.”

Lifting a corner of his mouth, he smirked at the princess’ belief that he was afraid of being reprimanded.

“I see. But so do I.”

 

_

 

 

Purposefully wearing shoes with untied laces, he crouched down next to Hyungwon's door and slipped a tiny white note that said ‘Labyrinth’ under it while slowly tying his laces.

_Just hope that he's smart enough to know that you want to meet up tonight._

Entering his room again, Hoseok locked the doors and closed the curtains. He unbuttoned his thick light-blue cotton shirt first, letting the heavy fabric pool at his wrists as he opened the golden button of his dark blue linen trousers, pulling the zipper down right after. His fingers slipped under the waistband and pulled the piece of clothing down his muscular legs, uncovering the pale inked skin, defined lines of his muscles showing how dehydrated he was. Why was taking care of one's body so hard? He wished he could just take some pill that would keep him alive and spare him all the disgusting meal rituals he had to attend.

_Life is not a wish list, Hoseok. Life is there to show you how much misery there is, so you suffer and die with the knowledge that your existence has been utterly meaningless._

Inhaling deeply, he traced the black lines with his fingers, recalling how the needle had pierced his skin, bringing the deep color under it, making it part of him. It was comparable to how he felt affection. It broke into his mind and body, spreading and becoming a part of him, causing pain and impossible to remove. It stayed, the traces were clearly apparent. Sometimes the line was thin and delicate and sometimes it was thick and black, hurting every time he looked at it, remembering and suffering.

_It would be so much easier if you were able to leave it all behind._

It would have, but he wasn't someone to spend hours wishing for something that was impossible to achieve. Instead he slipped into the thin silk pajamas, and prepared to go out.

He was already pretty skilled at sneaking around while not being detected. Furthermore, he had gotten friendly with one of his guards. Of course, he wasn't an expert, but the brown-haired boy liked him. The gay kind of liking. Shaking his head with a grin, he snuck past his door and ran down the marble stairs without making a single sound with his bare feet on the floor. He had a pair of socks hidden under the rose bush in case he dirtied his feet and had to keep the stairs clean.

As soon as the cellar door opened and he stepped outside, a deluge of water hit him out of the blue catching him completely unprepared. He gasped, covering his mouth with his right palm and looked around. It was a shower, thick, cold drops hitting his skin mercilessly. Thinking about going back in, he suddenly remembered that he had told the prince to come out.

_You can't just go in, what if he comes out and waits for you. In the rain._

Hoseok inhaled a few times to get his shit together and started walking towards the big garden, cold quickly spreading over his body and rain making the fabric stick to his naked skin.

He arrived at the labyrinth, completely soaked and cold, cowering under one of the bushes with the big leaves that didn't let as much rain through.

_It doesn't really help now._

As expected, there was nobody, just the sound of the raindrops hitting the plants and the ground around him, still soaking his clothes and body, even though he tried to hide under the big leaves.

It slowly got less and less as the time passed. The water stopped falling from the sky, but he was completely soaked and felt so fucking cold, goosebumps spread over his body.

_What are you doing here, Hoseok?_

He looked up at the black sky. There was no moonlight and no stars, just pitch-black darkness that felt like a cage, pressing down on him and engulfing his thoughts and feelings into a big, scary mixture of helplessness, useless affection, pain and fear.

His body was shivering in an attempt to warm itself. It was in vain, the wet silk felt like a thin layer of ice covering his body, not allowing it to feel anything besides the freezing cold.

_What are you waiting for?_

Him. He was waiting for him. He sat on the wet grass, thinking about his own useless stupidity.

_You don't want to be alone this badly? Why? You want to be friends? With the prince? Stop fooling yourself, Hoseok. It's pathetic._

Suddenly he missed Lucy's warm arms, he wanted to be held so badly, by someone who cared about him, about his feelings, his affection, his thoughts.

_He held you too. And he stroked your hair._

He wanted to cry. His thoughts made him seem like an abandoned dog, attaching himself to anyone who had pity and patted him.

_That's who you are. He must pity you because you told him that you feel lonely._

The feeling of helplessness transformed into the pulling sensation of self-hate. He hated himself for being weak, lonely, for wanting affection, for acting stupid because of it instead of concentrating on how to survive the things that were trying to break his will to live.

_Go._

He stood up, body shaking uncontrollably. The rain had stopped, but his hair and his pajamas were completely soaked. Not being able to enter the palace like this, he looked around before slowly unbuttoning his top and pulling it down his shoulders. The wet fabric stuck to his skin, but he still managed to undress and wring out the water before putting the ice-cold clothes back on.

Wiping the embarrassing tears away from his face, he walked towards the palace slowly, holding the dry socks in his hand.

_Why are you so stupid? You should've stayed inside._

Opening the door to the cellar, he slipped inside and sat down on the stairs, pulling the socks over his feet carefully. After he was done, he stood up and walked up the stairs, listening carefully to his surroundings to prevent being found out.

_Why does it matter?_

Carefully approaching his room, he made sure that the guards weren’t paying attention to him. He had just placed his foot on the next marble step when he was suddenly met with the prince's slim figure, moving along the wall, just like him.

_Did he plan on going out now?_

It somehow didn't matter. He felt empty and numb after crying, shivering because of his wet clothes. His hair stuck to his forehead, so he brushed it back quickly.

There were a few drops travelling down the boy's neck, but he wasn't as soaked as Hoseok was. It seemed like the prince had left the palace after the rain had diminished. His pajamas were a little moist and stuck to his calves, feet glistening from the drops that covered them.

Their eyes met, ice-blue orbs staring at him and widening briefly before the blonde man stepped towards him, closing the distance. Instead of speaking, Hyungwon reached out and carefully curled his fingers around Hoseok’s wrist, pulling him along an unfamiliar hallway. They walked for a while, quietly and as close to the wall as they could.

Once they arrived the end of a dark corridor, the prince pressed down the handle of a heavy door, allowing it to open softly, without a single sound. Slipping inside and tugging Hoseok along with him, he closed it again, finally letting go of Hoseok’s wrist. It returned the biting cold in an instant, fighting its way through his skin.

“I'm sorry,” the blonde boy whispered and sank down on one knee, carefully cupping Hoseok’s palm in both of his. He could feel a hot exhale until plump lips touched his skin, burning like the flame of a candle.

His eyes widened instantly as he stared at the scene unfolding in front of his eyes. Had he not known the gesture, he would've thought that the blonde man was proposing to him.

_Yeah, right._

“What are you doing?” he whispered, hand shivering in the other man's hold. He tried to make it stop but it was futile and beyond embarrassing.

“I am apologizing for letting you wait. It was uncalled for,” the prince whispered again. His lips were close enough to brush hot air over his skin with each word. “I was not able to leave during the rainfall.”

Glancing at the connection between their hands, Hoseok saw an interruption in the smooth texture of the blonde man's golden skin. It was a scratch, breaking the beautiful caramel-like surface with a few drops of blood tainting it.

_What's with his hand?_

“Did you cut yourself?” He sank down to his knees, wet fabric sticking to his body like frozen skin. “I thought you didn't want to meet,” Hoseok whispered, taking the other man's hand between his cold palms and inspecting the wound intently.

It looked like the prince had rubbed it over a rough surface, breaking the skin and resulting in a bruise. It was deep enough to bleed as a single drop welled up enough to run down along the other man’s middle finger.

“I wanted to meet, I promise. I saw your handwritten message before one of the guards was able to pick it up,” Hyungwon whispered and seemed uncomfortable about the wound on his hand. “I wasn’t able to leave instantly because- I have to climb out of the window.”

_He what?_

Staring at the drop of blood, Hoseok leaned in and kissed the bruise, lips tasting like blood. He lifted his gaze and stared at the blonde prince in disbelief.

“You climb out of the window? You could've died, it's really high, you should've stayed inside, fuck.”

_It's your fault. You told him to come out without looking out of the window, like an irresponsible idiot._

“I'm so sorry, god, I'm sorry, really.”

“Why would you apologize? You are soaked to the bone, Hoseok.” Again, there was concern written on the other man’s features, eyebrows pulling together and red lips disappearing inside his mouth. “That is the reason why I selfishly made you wait until now, I was worried about slipping. Please don’t taint yourself with my blood.”

There was a light pull as the prince attempted to take his hand back, to prevent Hoseok from coming in contact with the blood on his hand.

“It's not tainting me, you idiot, you're hurt because of my useless greed, so I'm sincerely sorry.” Lifting the palm to his mouth he kissed it again, lips tasting like iron. “I will be okay, but you have to go back and take care of this.”

“I cannot take care of this, I must hide it. The one who should be concerned is you. Your body resembles the texture and temperature of ice and I doubt that the warmth of my body will be able to compensate for it,” Hyungwon whispered again, visibly affected by Hoseok’s gesture. It seemed to mean a lot to him.

“I will take off my clothes and crawl under the blanket naked, it will help, it always helps. But how can you hide it? No matter how I think about it, I'm pretty sure that it's my fault,” he muttered, shivering once in a while.

Ice-blue eyes continued to watch him. Both of them were kneeling on the ground, holding onto the respective other’s hand and shivering a little.

“How...can you sleep naked? Is it not too sensitive for your skin, is it not cold? What if- somebody sees the delicate black lines of ink on your body?” Hyungwon whispered, leaning in further as if he was perfectly aware how much of a secret he was mentioning.

“I only-” he started, licking over his lips briefly, feeling how they trembled because of the freezing cold engulfing him. “I only feel like myself when I'm naked.”

“Why?” the prince asked carefully, eyes widening a little. His free hand was slowly moving through the cold air until it reached his shoulder. Heat seeped through his soaked pajamas like a burning flame. It was almost painful.

“Because it's what's left after I take off all the masks. Nudity doesn't lie, it can't. It's the essence, so I take off all my clothes and feel like I'm myself again.” It felt so intimate to talk about it, Hoseok had never really told anybody.

“I feel terrified when I am naked.”

The response was quiet, barely audible. It seemed like the prince was even afraid of the words themselves, hoping to let them dissipate in the air before they reached Hoseok’s ears. His big hand remained on his shoulder, warming it.

“Why?” he mirrored the other man's question from before and curled his fingers tighter around the prince's warm palm.

Hyungwon swallowed audibly and glanced to the side. It was the first time that the prince had broken their eye contact on his own.

“It is plainly me, with nothing attached to it. It shows that despite expectations and wishful thinking that all of these people have towards me, if I take off the title and the importance that is projected onto my blood, there is nothing left. Only skin that was tainted at birth.”

_How can he hate the beauty that he possesses?_

“I don't understand that,” Hoseok whispered and took the other man's scratched hand and pressed it again his own cheek, feeling the heat burn against his frozen skin. “I think that it's beyond beautiful, so special, something that is inherently you.”

“And that is the problem.” Hyungwon sighed and allowed his hand to move a little further along Hoseok’s shoulder, pulling their bodies a few centimeters closer and letting him feel the warmth that emanated from the blonde boy’s chest. They didn’t need to touch for him to sense it, to feel how it warmed the surrounding air. “It is what takes away my credibility. It is the only thing that draws suspicion from the people around me, be it the palace guards, the servants or visitors. My skin is what makes me disgusting, a bastard in his own right despite the purity of my blood.”

“No, it's not. The belief that the color of your skin, your hair, your eyes, your parents, your status is what defines what your role in this society can or cannot be is the problem, Hyungwon. Sure, the people won't stop it easily, but you, among all of us, shouldn't think like this. Because you will be king. You will carry on the beliefs and if you believe to be a bastard then you are perpetuating it. Do you think that Lucy is? She would be the best queen to be honest, but she can't. And that's the problem. Not her skin. The appraisal is.” Biting down on his lip, Hoseok intensified his gaze, staring at Hyungwon's eyes intently. “And your blood- is literally the same as anyone else's. It's red and tastes like iron.” Lifting the warm palm, he licked over the wound with his pink tongue. “Definitely.”

The prince’s eyes widened as he froze in place, staring at the way Hoseok licked over the back of his hand intently.

“Then...why do people wish to see it flow so much? Why do they force me to remain in the palace, stuck inside a glass prison?” the blonde man whispered and crawled closer, leaving only a centimeter or two between them. “It seems to be irrelevant what I think as long as I look like this. As soon as I become king and show my real skin color, people will doubt my credibility and my right to the throne.”

“I think the one who doubts it the most is you, your royal highness,” he whispered due to their proximity.

“Maybe I have reason to.” Biting down on his bottom lip, Hyungwon glanced away again. A few seconds passed until Hoseok felt the weight of the blonde man’s head on his shoulder, resting on it carefully. “Have you ever doubted your origin, Hoseok? Wondered if there was something related to your birth that resulted in an inescapable hatred of others towards you?”

“My birth? No. But I do have this uncle who's a relative of the royal family and who really likes touching young, pale boys with blue eyes. But you don't have a reason. If I was to become king, I'd ditch the throne and embrace the hatred, talk to the people and eventually die because someone shoots me, but it would be worth it. It might lead to change.” Lifting his cold hand, he stroked over Hyungwon's silky hair.

“But wouldn’t you regret not having seized the opportunity to change the country from a position of power? To have influence for as long as you are able to? If you have so many ideas and wish the best for the people of the country that makes you the most beneficial king of them all. Compassion is a virtue and so is the ability to endure pain for a greater good. Would dying because of loud protest instead of hidden intrigue be really worth it?” The prince seemed thoughtful, pausing between his words to formulate and express his thoughts appropriately. The hand around his neck tightened a little, pushing them closer. “The hatred I experience is from the people close to me, so it is- different.”

“You misunderstood me. I didn't mean that I wouldn't become king. I just wouldn't hide in the palace. To be honest, Hyungwon, the more I look at you, the more I have the feeling that the king is not the person who has the power. You should become a person who has it. It doesn't come with the throne. I think you have to fight for it, and you won't be able to if you think that you're not worth it.” He curled his arms around the slim waist, finally pulling the other man closer, flush against his chest.

It was silent as the prince returned the embrace, curling his injured hand around his neck as well. The touch felt like fire against Hoseok’s frozen body.

“Aren't I too weak for this?” the blonde boy asked quietly. “Isn't my inability to bear the loneliness and succumbing to the need for human contact a sign of my unsuitability for the throne?”

It was stupid. Hyungwon thought that he wasn't suitable for the throne. The sad thing was that the throne wasn't suitable for the beautiful, blonde man. He was too precious to be held captive and moved around like a marionette.

“Bullshit. You can do it. You can do anything, Hyungwon. You're worth so much more than this,” he whispered finally.

Hoseok believed every word.

 

***

 

The white gloves felt unfamiliar against the skin of his hands, rubbing over the small scratch uncomfortably.

_It is your own fault for getting hurt._

Hyungwon had been impatient, too worried about leaving the other man alone during their promised meeting. The rain had been merciless and he waited for as long as he was able to. It was past midnight before the drops that hit the soft earth next to the palace reduced enough to risk a move. It was his own fault that he had lost grip of the ring that he used to enter the window below his. The small scratch on the back of his hand wasn’t even his main concern, it was the bruise that had developed on his shoulder from the impact with the wall.

_You are lucky that you can send them all away, requesting privacy and to dress on your own, at least mostly._

Some of the royal attire was impossible to fasten on his own, but Hyungwon had reduced the amount of skin shown as much as he could. Not many servants were allowed to know the secret of his real complexion.

Even those servants weren’t allowed to see this time. He wouldn’t have been able to explain his injuries. Not even during his self-defense training had he ever been injured to such a degree. Had his instructor allowed him to be hurt even the slightest bit, the king would have thrown him out of the palace.

Hoseok had not joined them for breakfast. At first Hyungwon had concluded that the future prince consort felt uncomfortable about their encounter and had not forgiven him, but most of the servants affirmed his rather problematic condition.

_And the fact that he does not want to see a doctor._

It was difficult to understand why the black-haired man would choose to suffer instead of allowing the royal physician to take care of him and give him the necessary medication. Even if a cold was not as life-threatening as it had been centuries ago, it was still not pleasant. It only extended the duration of pain and days that Hoseok was forced to remain bedridden.

Hyungwon had felt lonely the first night, sitting in the garden and enjoying the fresh air on his own as he had for the past ten years. It should have felt familiar and calming, without the adrenaline and excitement that meeting the man with the storm-like eyes evoked in him, but it didn’t.

_It’s the raven of experiences again, seeing what you are missing._

Hyungwon hated it a little. He hated the feeling of loneliness that seemed so much stronger, like a poison that had slept in his blood and only now decided to show its effect, spreading throughout his limbs and paralyzing him as time passed. Knowing what company could feel like showed him how cold and suffocating being on his own felt.

The white walls of his bedchambers did not feel calming anymore in the morning, instead they reminded him of what was to come, of the pretense that the black-haired man hated so much and the pained expression at breakfast that was present each time.

It was the second day of Hoseok’s illness and Hyungwon felt like falling ill himself, to be unable to form a coherent thought and drown in the medication and relief that sleep would bring him.

But he couldn’t, so he merely followed the routine of the crown prince, participating in political meetings with the objective of finding a fitting wife for him, going to his university level lessons and finally taking care of his body with martial arts and weapon use practice. He hated it all, starting from the moment he opened his eyes, dressed on his own because of his injury, only meeting the eyes of his sister at breakfast and finishing at the end of the day when his servants finally left him in his bedchambers and closed the door soundly.

It was only him and the white walls of his room, appearing to close in on him the longer he remained trapped between them.

_What is worse? Staying inside even though you have never done so willingly or experiencing the same pain of fresh air without anybody to share it with?_

The princess was worried too, requesting an audience with the black-haired man that wasn’t granted due to the upcoming wedding. Hoseok had apparently wanted to be left alone and the princess entering without anybody else was against royal protocol.

Hyungwon had considered going, but he wasn’t permitted as the crown prince must be kept away from harm, be it mental, physical or the illness of a family member.

_But who is going to take care of him? He probably doesn’t take medicine and rejects everything that is offered._

It was the same helplessness he had felt when Hoseok was utterly soaked and kissed his blood-stained hand, showing appreciation and submission at the same time as the acceptance of Hyungwon’s shortcomings. It had felt overwhelming and he couldn’t rid himself of the feeling that he had nothing of value to return to the black-haired man. Riches and privileges were meaningless to the future prince consort and freedom was something that Hyungwon was not able to gift him.

There had to be somebody who was able to give the black-haired man the medication he needed, who could enter his bedchambers without objection and help him recover. There had to be, but there wasn’t. The princess wasn’t allowed to, common servants were easily forbidden from entering and Hyungwon was cursed by remaining in his prison of overprotection.

_But you can break it. You can break the prison for a brief moment as you do every night._

Hyungwon’s breath remained stuck in his throat, burning in his lungs. Adrenaline spread through his veins as he realized what he had just thought of doing. He had never entered another person’s chambers before. The princess was unaware of his nightly escapades, just like every other member of the royal family and every servant and guard in the palace. Only Hoseok had found out and kept the secret safe.

_So, he will be able to keep this secret safe too._

His hands were shivering a little as he removed the gloves, he had worn all day and stripped himself of his official attire. It was heavy and represented the burden that the title carried. Once he was naked, he did not hesitate to cover his skin with the silk of his pajamas. The black-haired man’s words seemed to echo inside his head as he did so, reminding him that his skin was part of him, the essence of what he was. As soon as all clothes were removed there was just him left, him without any additional title, gift or importance. A blonde boy with blue eyes and skin that resembled the color of dried mud.

Hyungwon sighed and curled his arms around his clothed body for a few seconds, calming himself and the thoughts inside his head. He had to act quickly, especially if he intended on stealing medication.

_If nobody can help him, then you will._

His actions were motivated by a mixture of compassion and selfishness and Hyungwon couldn’t decide for himself which one was stronger, the wish to help the black-haired man recover or the need to see him and erase the feeling of loneliness for a brief moment.

He moved quickly, climbing out of his window as he was used to and using his key to unlock the door of the queen’s room. He knew the palace better than he knew his own body, quickly finding the palace pharmacy and gathering medications for coughs, fever, a stuffy nose and throat pain. Hyungwon had learned the basics a long time ago as part of his self-defense preparation. Chewing on his cheek, he added a package of painkillers and made sure to transport everything safely tucked away under his pajama top. It would have been difficult to explain his presence in case someone caught him, but luckily Hyungwon knew the guards too well.

Holding onto the medication hidden below his top, he opened one of the windows on the fourth floor and glanced down, checking how easy it was to climb down. The doors to Hoseok’s bed chambers were well protected and there was no possibility to enter them the old-fashioned way, however, if the window was accessible, Hyungwon should be able to see the black-haired man.

_You will have to climb with one hand because of the medication._

He swallowed and thanked his lean body shape as he glanced down and identified a few larger fissures in the white stone wall. He was lucky that Hoseok was not living in one of the palace’s glass rooms, effectively preventing everybody from entering without being seen.

Climbing up on the window sill, he opened the window and checked the time to make sure none of the guards were about to walk past him. Holding his breath, he reached for the edge decoration and curled his long fingers around it, begging his body to hold his weight this time too. His legs rubbed over the stone wall unpleasantly as he slipped down, hanging with one hand and attempting to reach another hollow with his right foot. There was light pain in his upper arm but it was bearable. Once he finally managed to secure his position, he glanced down.

Hoseok was on the third floor with a view of the garden, much like Hyungwon. The fall would have been a long and painful one. His eyes quickly moved over the composition of the wall to plan how he could access the window below him.

_Oh no._

His heart was pumping the blood through his body furiously at the sight. There was no other way to access the other man’s window apart from letting go with his hand and hoping that he could grab the window sill below him on time.

Hyungwon had never climbed with one hand before and the reason became painfully apparent. The hammering in his ears was so loud that it drowned every other sound around him, even the wind that was like ice against his skin.

_You can’t go up with the meds anymore, you need to go down now._

Hyungwon glanced down one more time before attempting to place his foot into another hollow, but it was too small, not enough to carry his weight without slipping. There was no other way.

Closing his eyes for a few seconds, he breathed in, attempting to calm his heart. It would have been a rather sad death had he dropped, sad but truthful. He would have died while bringing medication for a friend, concerned for his well-being.

_Maybe that is a good quality for a king._

Hoseok was his first friend.

Opening his eyes again, he loosened the grip on the decorative animal he was holding onto and finally let go.

His adrenaline spiked up, as the sound of air passing his ears blurred his senses for a brief second. He felt genuine fear, raw and paralyzing when his fingers closed around the next window sill, catching his weight as his body slammed into the wall below it loudly, enough to make him gasp at the impact. It was way too much noise to be unnoticeable. Panicking, he used all of his strength to pull himself up with one hand and climbed onto the window sill that led to the black-haired man’s room. Hyungwon had no time to waste, not with how much had passed during his attempt.

Unlocking the window through a trick from the 19th century, he opened it and slipped inside, closing it right behind him and covering it with thick dark-blue curtains. It was the sign that he had entered the right room.

His breaths were ragged from climbing and the fear of dying, as he remained seated on the window sill and breathed heavily, one hand holding onto the medication hidden beneath his pajama top like it was gold.

He met ocean-blue eyes that were widened comically and stared at him from the bed, where he spotted the black-haired man. He was completely covered by the blanket, only the huge eyes showing.

_Is he hiding?_

“I-” Hyungwon began, but stopped again. He couldn’t believe that he might have easily died a few moments ago if his hand hadn’t grasped the window sill. He had basically risked his life to bring a friend medication. It was almost ironic. “I was worried about you.”

_You really were._

“I think I have a fever, are you a ninja?” Hoseok muttered, slowly pulling the blanket down and revealing his uncharacteristically red mouth and his collarbones. His exposed collarbones.

_He sleeps naked. He said he sleeps naked, Hyungwon._

He panicked. His eyes widened comically and he scrambled off the window sill to turn around and not embarrass the other man further by seeing his exposed body.

“I’m- I apologize, the memory that you sleep without the presence of clothes had left me for a few seconds,” he muttered quickly and almost fell over on his unstable legs, shaking from how terrified he had been of falling.

_He said he has a fever, but how are you supposed to help if he is indecent?_

“Did you really just climb through my window? Are you fucking nuts?” Hoseok raised his voice and made him turn around just in time to see the other man sit up on his bed, blanket slipping down his upper body until it pooled at his navel. “Do you think that me being naked is the problem here? It's the third floor, you could've died, what the actual fuck?”

Hyungwon disapproved of cursing, he really did. But at this point he genuinely wondered if he was ‘fucking nuts’.

“I know,” he whispered. He had wanted to turn away, but the black lines that were in perfect contrast to the pale skin of the black-haired man’s stomach caught his attention. It was really beautiful, like calligraphy paintings, thick black color on white paper, creating something from nothing. “I guess your health was more important.”

“I'm going crazy. Oh my god.” The black-haired man buried his face in his palms before lifting his gaze again. “And what's this? Are you pregnant? I thought you're waiting for your ‘turn’,” Hoseok commented and pointed at the medication hidden under his pajama top.

Hyungwon frowned at the comment. He was male, he couldn't be pregnant.

“I can't be pregnant, I'm a boy,” he pointed out and placed his right hand strategically at his waist before pulling up his pajama top with his other hand. The various medical boxes fell into his hands and he lowered the pajamas immediately. He felt uncomfortable about showing his naked stomach and chest, even if Hoseok was in a more compromising situation.

 

“Thank you for showing me your pretty skin, I feel better now,” the black-haired man murmured and his lips spread in a grin. “And you're a boy? Really? Who would've thought.” Hoseok let himself fall back on the sheets, not bothering to cover himself.

Hyungwon swallowed and tried to keep his attention on Hoseok’s face to keep it appropriate. The other man was obviously making fun of him.

“Don't ridicule me and take the medication that is appropriate,” he demanded and stepped closer, arranging the packages on the black-haired man's bedside table. Everything was blue, it seemed really strange considering the typical white and ivory of the palace.

“I have to ridicule you, otherwise I will jump up and hug you because I almost lost my shit when you came through the window, thinking you could have fucking died. And the only medication I need is good alcohol, which I already took, thank you very much.” Hoseok removed his gaze and looked at the ceiling

“You're crazy,” Hyungwon whispered and shook his head. The other man had to take the appropriate medication instead of drowning in alcohol. “You have to do something proper. If you don't want me to die, you should understand that I don't want you to die either. Take care of yourself.”

Inhaling harshly, he sat down on the soft sheets while trying to keep his distance. He felt strange to be next to the mostly undressed man, but something in his words caught his attention.

“Do you- need to embrace to feel better?”

The ocean-blue eyes met his and Hoseok sat up immediately, shifting until they were across from each other.

“You can't do that, Hyungwon. You can't hurt yourself because of me, I can't handle that,” the other man whispered, pale arms moving towards his waist and circling around it, slow, as if time stopped. “I wish- you wouldn't care whether I need to embrace or not.”

It was impossible to contain the gasp that instantly left his lips. Goosebumps spread all over his body at the touch, even though it had been slow and careful. Hyungwon's reaction to touching the black-haired man was extreme, beyond anything he expected himself to feel. Even for someone who had never experienced human contact, the need to embrace another person shouldn't have been this intense. Everything spoke against it, decorum, their relationship, the situation. Hoseok was naked, so why should Hyungwon break the distance and touch him?

_Because you're weak. You have given up on formalities because the loneliness has become impossible to bear._

“Maybe I am more manipulative than you think,” he whispered and brushed the fingers of his right hand over Hoseok’s upper arm carefully. The skin was soft and warm, so pleasant to the touch. Hyungwon wished to feel more and be able to trace the black lines on the other man's stomach with his fingertips.

_That's inappropriate. Behave accordingly, Hyungwon._

“Maybe my questions aren't about your need for an embrace, but mine.”

“You can have all the hugs you want, I just don't want to be the reason for your misery, Hyungwon. I'm- I'm not the good kind of company, you know?” the black-haired man whispered once again and shifted closer, letting his warm fingers travel along his sides, warmth easily seeping through the thin piece of clothing.

 

Hyungwon knew that it was wrong, he was perfectly aware of every rule that he was breaking. He wasn't meant to be out at night, to enter another person's chambers, to show himself in his natural skin color and with minimal clothing, to see another person undressed. He wasn't meant to be embracing another person, opening up his affection to be stamped on. He was making himself weak, but it felt like there was nothing he could do about it.

_The yearning must have already become a part of you. Why would you do this to him? He doesn't need it like you do._

“What makes you the bad kind of company, Hoseok?” Hyungwon asked and allowed his body to lean forward a little. His heart was beating furiously and he didn't know whether it was the near-death experience or the proximity. His legs burned a little, he must have hurt them while sliding down from the upper floor.

“Oh, there are a lot of things, the lines all over my body, my preferences, my disregard for everything you are and will stand for, the lack of fear. Besides the fear that I'll hurt you. I'm bad company, believe me.” The other man's eyes returned to the storm they displayed once in a while, it looked intense.

Hyungwon inhaled sharply at the words, perfectly aware that they were true. Hoseok was everything that he had been taught not to be, tattooed, disregarding rules and regulations, abandoning protocol and critical towards the system. Rationally he should have stayed away, kept the distance he held towards everybody, every individual that he encountered. He had attempted to get to know the black-haired man because he was becoming family, a part of the palace and of Hyungwon's life, but instead of assimilating he had opened up Pandora's box.

“But you don't lie,” Hyungwon replied quietly and couldn't resist following the smooth skin to the black-haired man's shoulders. They were so warm, like fire that pulled at him to come closer, to bask in it. “At least not to me. You aren't bad company, you are only different, different from what I know.”

“I don't, I don't know how it makes me better company. I'm sorry for being like this. Maybe I miss the outside- or I miss you, I don't know.” Hoseok's eyes closed as his hands tightened around his waist.

_He misses you?_

“You said you have a fever, didn't you?” he asked instead of commenting and fought against the deafening beating of his heart. It made no sense, being next to another man was utterly meaningless, even if he seemed to be Hyungwon's secret friend. His only friend. “I brought something to reduce it, it should make you feel better, Hoseok. Would you take it for me?”

“Only if you want me to die. I'll take it then.”

“What? Of course, I don't want you to die, I want you to feel better!” Hyungwon's eyes widened at the crazy words. He had never wished demise upon the black-haired man. “Why would you die because of medication? Are you allergic? Is there something else I can do? I brought a lot.”

“It's because of the alcohol. I can't take both. Only if I want to die.” Suddenly the other man stared down on him, eyes widening.

“You're bleeding. Holy shit, why?”

Hyungwon didn't understand, eyes remaining attached to the beautiful black lines that were even more glorious up close. It looked like somebody had painted a different world onto the black-haired man. There was still burning along his legs, but he had been able to ignore it during the embrace.

“The reason I came here is so that you remain among the living, Hoseok, it's the reason for hanging from your cursed window sill,” he murmured and noticed that his pajamas appeared wet along his thighs and calves, a darker color.

_Are you really bleeding?_

He had caught on the wall while jumping down, but he hadn't expected his skin to break, not to that degree.

“Oh no.”

“Fuck, take them off, we need to take care of the wound, that's what I meant. You came here to make me feel better, but look at yourself,” Hoseok whispered and loosened his arms around him.

_Are you making him feel worse?_

It hadn't been his intention. Getting hurt wasn't his intention and neither had he wished to upset the black-haired man, forcing him to deal with the disgusting liquid soaking through his clothes.

“It's okay, it's not as bad as it looks. It doesn't really hurt, I don't need to take anything off,” he argued quickly and felt panic rise in his throat, confronting him with the thought that Hoseok had just asked him to undress. He couldn't reveal his naked skin and the disgusting sight that would be his legs.

_You can't, you can't undress._

“You take them off, or I take them off. Please choose wisely.” Hoseok's eyes pierced him with how determined the other man looked suddenly, fingers curled into fists on his blanket covered thighs.

“I- I can't, Hoseok. I'm not wearing underwear, I've never undressed in front of anybody before. I- it's not nice.” It became difficult to breathe, mind instantly providing him with all the secrets he was keeping about himself and that weren't meant to reach the surface. “I hate myself without clothes.”

“I hate myself in clothes, but still I'm dressed when I meet you. Apart from now. Now I'm naked. You're bleeding, it's not about what you like and what you don't like. I can take them off, just- I'm not sure whether you'll feel better about it.” The black-haired man pulled the blanket a little lower, forcing the thick fabric to pool between his legs, defined lines of his abdomen forming a perfect V.

Hyungwon wasn't able to tear his eyes away, fascinated by how perfect and beautiful the black-haired man's body was. It was exactly the way a male body was supposed to be, muscular and defined, strong in build.

_He seems to fulfil the qualities of a king much better than you do._

It was indecent to stare, so he forced himself to focus on his own hands, curling into fists at his lap and shivering a little. It wasn't about discomfort anymore, it was about his well-being. If the rule to never show his naked body was for his safety, then wasn't taking care of wounds a stronger rule? Hyungwon didn't know. He was scared of revealing himself.

“I'll do it,” he whispered and bit down on his bottom lip, eyes losing focus and blurring his vision a little.

His hands were still shaking when he reached for his pajamas bottoms and held his breath.

“Can't I- cover myself at least a little bit?” he asked and closed his eyes, forcing his panic to move to the back. “I'm scared, I've never done this before, Hoseok, I don't know how to do it properly, whether there are rules of conduct, what I'm allowed to show and what not. How do I do this? What is socially acceptable? I just don't know.”

The other man bit down on his bottom lip, until a strange smile spread his cheeks a little.

“Just imagine you got a nice and really beautiful queen and it's your first night. You have to take off your clothes, it won't work otherwise. She considers you really attractive and you know it, you know that she won't judge you for whatever, she just wants to see your naked body.” Hoseok looked at him while speaking. “Should be easier like this.”

“But why would she want to see it? Seeing the body is not the source of pleasure, is it? It's the mechanical act, the stimulation,” Hyungwon whispered and closed his eyes, uncomfortable with the topic. It wasn't talked about, ever. “I have to keep my decency until marriage, so how am I supposed to practice something I'm actually not allowed to do?”

“Listen, do you see me practicing ‘indecency’ with you? I just want you to take off your pants, so I can make sure that you're not dying here. I'm getting impatient. Also, I see you only learned about sex from whoever the pervert was who wanted to make sure that both of you don't like it. God, it's seriously the worst, I'm already sorry for both of you.” Hoseok leaned in, staring at him.

It was intimidating how the black-haired man was able to look at him as if he could see right through, be it the white makeup on his face, the emotionless expression or the fear he felt at that exact moment.

“Books,” he murmured and grabbed a small bit of the blanket, covering his lap with it. His heart was almost painful with the way it pushed the blood through his system. “I learned from books.”

“Okay, this is ridiculous,” Hoseok muttered and threw the blanket to the side, revealing his completely naked, pale body, covered in thin and thick lines of black ink, spreading over his muscular thighs that flexed as he stood up from the bed and walked to the big mahogany wardrobe. He had lines on his behind and his back too.

Hyungwon felt ashamed for looking but he couldn't help it. He had instantly lifted his hand to his eyes, but still glanced through the spaces between his fingers. The black-haired man's body was fascinating and Hyungwon wished he could look at the black lines up close, see where they led and what image they created.

Fumbling a little, Hoseok took out a small piece of clothing and turned around. Just like that.

Hyungwon's eyes widened as he stared, his body had frozen in place and didn't allow him to move. His lips parted and he could feel his face heat up, almost burning.

It was similar, of course it was, biology was meant to be similar and Hyungwon had seen enough pictures and drawings to know. He wasn't naive, but he had only been familiar with his own body. Hoseok was rather- he didn't even know how to express it for himself without making it sound strange. He seemed big, unlike the pictures of men he had seen and very much unlike the statues that were commonly arranged in the garden. He didn't know what to do or say or how to deal with the sight.

“You're gorgeous.”

His eyes widened further at his own words and he finally covered his sight, darkness calming his breathing but not the heat in his face.

_Why would you say that? It's strange, unfitting to the situation. Not even friends should undress, it's inappropriate._

“Thank you. So are you,” the low voice whispered in reply.

There was shuffling until he felt Hoseok's fingers around his wrist, removing his hand from his eyes. The black-haired man was wearing tight black underwear and put a similar pair on his lap.

“I'll close my eyes and then you can wear that, if you're so uncomfortable. I can't believe what kind of things I'm doing, fuck my life.”

_He's helping you, again._

Suddenly, Hyungwon wished to embrace him again, to thank him for taking some of the burden away and allowing him a little bit of dignity. He could never have been as straightforward and proud of his body as Hoseok was. It seemed like it wasn't even about his body or anybody else seeing it, it was like he feared his own reaction and his own thoughts.

“Thank you, Hoseok, thank you so much,” he whispered and waited for the black-haired man to close his eyes. There was something strange about the situation and the way he responded to it. His body felt warm and his face was burning even, making his hands shake and his legs tremble. The curiosity to feel the pale skin under his fingertips and to follow the paths of the black lines remained even though it shouldn't have, it was unnatural and scared him.

He was actually yearning to touch the other man disregarding appropriate behavior and beyond a simple embrace.

_Are you losing your mind, Hyungwon?_

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know, I think fairytales are stupid because they show an unrealistic outcome of a situation, but being here with you like this, I kind of see the point.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
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> 

He was ill. Of course, it was to be expected after his adventure in the garden, almost freezing his balls off and meeting Hyungwon in the hallway. Their meetings were so intense and the tension lay thick in the air that surrounded them. It was the same, it always was.

He had a fever, but had already drunk quite a lot of gin, deciding against the medication he had stored in between his clothes. He could’ve been a pharmacy with how many different drugs and bandages he had, perfectly aware that in case of an emergency he couldn’t have the royal doctor examine or touch his body.

_But still he brought you a whole fucking pharmacy while climbing into your window and hurting himself._

There was a threshold for Hoseok, a threshold for when he knew that he wasn’t good company.

_It’s when the people around you start getting hurt._

He didn’t even try fooling himself, hugging was nice, more than nice. Something about the way the blonde prince had touched him every time gave him a one of a kind feeling. One he didn’t know existed, and he was addicted to it, taking it whenever the other man offered, not thinking twice. Never.

_But he’s hurt. Because of you._

It wasn’t sexual, not at all. He had been genuinely worried when he tossed away the blanket and went to his wardrobe to pick out underwear for himself and for the other man. If that was what Hyungwon needed to let him take care of his wounds, then so be it.

“You’re gorgeous,” Hyungwon had said, ice-blue eyes peeking from in between the blonde boy’s slim fingers. It felt- strange? Was it strange? He got a lot of compliments for his body. He took care of it, at least from the outside, and was well built, in every sense of the word. It wasn’t the first time, but still it felt like it. He was thankful that Hyungwon had lowered his gaze, unable to see the fine blush that had probably slowly spread over his face and chest, shyness leaving its mark over his pale skin and coloring his response in a delicate rosé, written on his body for everyone to see.

_But he didn’t, so it’s okay._

Slipping into his underwear, Hoseok put the other pair on the prince’s lap and sat down on the carpet across from the blonde boy, turning away and burying his face in his palms, waiting until he was done.

There was shuffling and he could hear the blanket on his bed move, accompanied by a soft gasp. It seemed like he could tell the blonde boy’s hesitation in every sound and motion of his body. A few minutes passed until he heard Hyungwon hum lowly.

“You can- turn around,” the prince whispered.

Turning smoothly and crossing his legs, he looked up from between the prince’s legs. He would’ve made an inappropriate joke if it wouldn’t have been about the prince’s relationship and affection towards him.

Hyungwon was biting his plump lip as he stared down at him. His eyes were taking up most of the space on his face and were focused on Hoseok, reflecting some of the light that illuminated the spacious room. He didn't need to focus to see the blonde prince shiver, cheeks a bright red and rivaling his cherry red lips. He was really embarrassed, head lowered a little.

_It must be a big deal for him, be gentle._

“Shht, I’m not a woman, so you don’t have to fear performance anxiety or whatever. Spare that for the first night, she’d probably find you really adorable, the way you blush,” Hoseok babbled, sitting up on his knees and curling his hands around the other man’s thighs, bruised and bleeding in a few spots. It wasn’t really bad, otherwise he wouldn’t have had the discussion beforehand, but he still needed to put disinfectant on the open areas and cover them up.

Hyungwon gasped as soon as Hoseok’s fingers touched him, lips parting and remaining like that. The boy’s chest was rising and falling quickly, incompatible for somebody who was seated and supposedly relaxed. His words hadn't been helpful to calm him down as the prince only blushed further and curled his hands into the sheets next to his hips. His legs seemed endless, stretching out all the way towards Hoseok.

“Wow, your legs are no joke, you could be a model if you weren’t the future king,” he murmured and stood up, getting the needed material and returning to dump everything on the carpet in between Hyungwon’s legs. “And now be a good boy and make no sounds even if it stings, okay?” he asked, spreading the other man’s knees and kneeling down in between them, deciding to take care of the left thigh first, as it looked more painful.

“You're wrong. I couldn't be a model because of the scar on my thigh,” the blonde boy whispered. Only now it became apparent that the prince had covered the side of his left thigh with the thick blanket, breathing heavily whenever Hoseok touched him. “But I can be quiet, I promise.”

“They’d photoshop it. What happened?” he asked, spraying disinfectant on the scrapes and wiping them as gently as possible, using gauze compresses.

“Someone tried to kill me.” The answer sounded simple, like it was something common and happened all the time, not worrisome in any way and merely the way of the world. Hyungwon wasn't really looking at him as he took care of the wounds, tensing when he sprayed the disinfectant, but relaxing right after. His breaths were strangely ragged and he pulled at the blanket next to him in irregular intervals, as if he used it to distract himself. The blush remained and had already spread down his golden neck.

_He’s scared. But not of you, right?_

“That’s crazy, when was it?” He concentrated on treating the wounds properly, covering the wounded areas with white sticking band-aids. “Is that the reason for holding you here?”

There was a low hum as a shiver passed through the long legs, a reaction to the way he had pushed the blonde man's thigh to the side to have better access to the small bruises.

“It was when I was three years old,” Hyungwon replied and closed his eyes for a few seconds, legs spreading a tiny bit on their own. “Why- why do you have all these things here?”

“I guess it’s good that you don’t remember then.” Curling his fingers around Hyungwon’s thigh, he lifted it a bit to not stick his face in between the other man’s legs. It was awkward enough. “I have them here, because I can’t let anybody in the palace touch my body. I’ve had to be my own doctor since I’ve got the ink under my skin, so for about two years? I’m pretty good at taking care of wounds, even deep ones.”

“Why would you have to deal with deep ones?” the prince asked and shivered again. Goosebumps spread over his skin and under Hoseok’s touch. His breaths sounded a little strained and he bit his lip whenever the fingers around his thigh moved a little.

“Does it hurt? I’m sorry, but I have to clean it well so it heals and your thighs can be smooth and pretty again. Well, I’m a pacifist, but others are not, so, and I can’t shut up sometimes. Actually, often. I just can’t shut up if I think that something is unjust.” Smiling he lifted his gaze while sticking the patch on the small cut and making sure that it stuck well. Hyungwon’s skin was beautiful. Golden and smooth. “Your skin feels so nice.”

There were a few moments of silence during which the slim boy shifted a little, pulling his hips further back onto the bed.

“So do your fingers,” he whispered and glanced to the side, hands disappearing in the white sheets again. It seemed like the prince was avoiding his gaze, feeling ashamed and attempting to hide the beautiful blush.

_Wait._

_Does he like it?_

“Do- you like it?” he asked bluntly and drew a circle around one of the patches with his index finger.

There was a soft hiss as the blonde boy instantly turned further away. Still Hoseok could see the way he pulled his lips into his mouth, keeping quiet and trembling even though there wasn't much happening. Hyungwon didn't reply and merely avoided his gaze, chest rising and falling quickly.

_He reacts to the touch. Your touch._

“You do. But I like it too, your legs are really nice,” he murmured while inspecting the golden skin for more bruises, deciding that it had been enough and turning to the side to take care of the other thigh. Spreading the other man’s legs again, he felt the hot skin of Hyungwon’s inner thigh against his naked back.

_What made you think being half naked between another man’s legs was a good idea?_

He had been too concerned about Hyungwon’s injuries and he still was, but- it was distracting.

Again, a gasp left the handsome man's lips, thighs pulling together a little and squeezing him in between. Hyungwon didn't seem to be doing it on purpose, still not meeting his gaze and licking over his lips repeatedly. His body seemed ablaze, burning against Hoseok’s skin.

_Listen, he doesn’t know touching, of course he’s like this. Poor boy will probably come after three seconds when his bride undresses during the first night._

Chuckling at the thought, he cleaned the last wound and put the patch on it carefully. Not knowing whether it had been the gin or the insatiable drive to do something shocking, he leaned in while staring into the other man’s eyes and placed a kiss on top of the white material.

There was a harsh exhale coming from the prince’s lips. The longer he stared at the ice-blue orbs, the more obvious it was how little of the blue color remained. Hyungwon shivered a little, turning towards him in shock and breathing with his mouth open. His lips were blood red, fitting to the blush that still covered his cheeks and neck. Glancing back down he realized the problem.

_He’s hard. You made him hard, Hoseok._

_For fuck’s sake._

Exhaling loudly to not accidentally do something stupid, Hoseok looked up again.

“It’s okay, you’re just not used to being touched,” he commented and couldn’t remove his gaze from the dark eyes and the parted mouth. Fuck, why did the prince have to look so fucking beautiful?

“Is it- meant to be like this?” the other man's low voice whispered as he subconsciously pulled his legs together again, catching Hoseok in between.

_Not according to the current rules of conduct. If you were a feminine lady who had pretty breasts, yes. Otherwise-_

Still, the prince was an exception. He just didn’t know better and probably never touched himself.

“Have you ever touched yourself?” he asked to make sure, fingers not leaving the other man’s thighs. It felt way too good.

“W-What?” Hyungwon stuttered and broke eye contact again, glancing to the side. “It's considered inappropriate and a test of will to withstand.”

_For fuck’s sake._

“What kind of monastery bullshit is this? Are you telling me you never actually touched yourself? Well then, you definitely should, you don’t know what you’re missing,” he babbled while grinning and trying to ban the image of the prince jerking off. “But you do know how to do it, don’t you?”

_Please don’t say no._

“It's- you just touch it, gosh- why are you asking me this? I'm not supposed to talk about this, it's inappropriate, I'm not even meant to- why are your fingers so nice? It wasn't written anywhere, it's not meant to be like this, why isn't it written anywhere?” Hyungwon spoke quickly, not pausing like he was at a loss, thighs shivering and leaning back a little. His upper body was still covered by the pajama top, but the right side had slipped a little, revealing a golden collarbone and a pretty mole right below it.

_You have to take care of your duties as a friend and at least tell him how to jerk off. How did he survive in the palace?_

“Listen, you don’t just touch it, you curl your pretty, long fingers around it and then you move them up and down while applying pressure until it feels so nice that you think that you’re going to die, but you don’t stop and continue until you release yourself. Over your hand. But that’s totally worth it. Anyways, let the ‘it’s not meant to be like this’ be my part, because if there was a book with this title, I’d be on the cover.” Hoseok still couldn’t bring himself to lean back or to remove his fingers from the lean, golden thighs.

Hyungwon gasped again, staring at him in shock and shaking his head quickly.

“Don't do this to me, I'm supposed to hold out and be stronger than my body. Why would you tell me all this, Hoseok?” he murmured desperately and chewed on his cheek, shifting his hips a little bit. “Are your fingers special? Is that what you mean? None of the books said that a mere touch could feel like this, it was all about- more inappropriate touching. I'm confused.”

_Just die right here._

Exhaling loudly, he uncurled his fingers and crossed his arms on top of the other man’s thighs, burying his face in them.

“Just be a normal healthy male and touch yourself if you’re aroused. That’s how it works, and don’t ask me about my fingers, I drank.”

“It's different when you drink? Does that make your fingers more pleasurable?” Hyungwon asked before biting his bottom lip like he had said something he shouldn't have. The boy's whole body seemed to have adopted the pink color of his cheeks, shaking a little. It was adorable how he kept squeezing Hoseok with his thighs and fisting the sheets in a desperate attempt to control himself. “I feel like I can't even breathe properly, like I have turned into a candle all by myself, burning down.”

_Just burn yourself down, Hoseok._

“It’s not different, I have less inhibitions. You’re- you’re just aroused, you can touch yourself and then the feeling goes away with a giant firework of awesome. You should try. You need to try. I don’t know how I would be living if I couldn’t touch myself,” Hoseok whispered and lifted his head, letting his gaze slide from Hyungwon’s golden thighs to his obvious arousal to his loose pajama top and the pink blush on top of his shiny cheeks. He shouldn’t have.

_Damn it._

“Like me, unaware and overwhelmed while feeling like I'm about to die,” Hyungwon whispered and bit down on his bottom lip again, staring Hoseok right in the eyes. “I have been ar- have felt like this before, but- never like this.”

“How is this different?” he asked, hating himself for being utterly unprepared to be eighteen, healthy, gay and having the prince staring at him while being rock hard and looking like everything he seemed to like.

“It's-” There was a pause as Hyungwon released a shaky breath through his lips, eyes fluttering shut briefly. “It's more urgent, like my lower body is burning and I need to be close, but it's not even in order to tame the fire but to let it take me over. Like it's not water and calm that I'm yearning for, but fire and gasoline. Before it was present but never urgent, more like a need I could easily suppress and overshadow by my responsibilities. I never needed to act on it, but now I feel like I am about to lose my mind, forgetting everything I'm not meant to do.”

“What do you want to do?” he whispered, fingers tightening in the other man's skin involuntarily.

“I want to touch,” the blonde man whispered in reply, right thigh lifting off the bed a little as he nibbled on his bottom lip without mercy, making it even more red than it already was. The shifting almost seemed like he was trying to gain friction without touching, cheating around the prohibition he pointlessly believed to be true.

“Do you- want to touch me?” he asked, a harsh breath leaving his mouth and tongue licking over his dry lips.

There was a soft nod as Hyungwon breathed in through his mouth and untangled his long fingers from the sheets, carefully reaching out towards him.

“M-may I?” the blonde boy exhaled, fingertips pausing right next to Hoseok’s cheek, warmth evident even without direct contact. The prince was gorgeous, eyes a mixture of ice-blue and pitch black, lips parted and light blonde strands messily covering his forehead. He was beyond attractive and Hoseok felt helpless being confronted with the challenge of keeping himself composed.

“Yes, you can do whatever you like, I'm curious what you'll do, feel free.” He felt the heat travel to his groin, expectations drowning him in a pleasant feeling.

Hyungwon was hesitant, fingers carefully brushing over his cheek and stroking downwards along his neck and shoulder. It was light and without pressure, almost like a feather.

“Your skin- it's really smooth too,” the blonde boy whispered and followed the dip of his collarbone with his index finger. Since he was still sitting between the prince's legs, he could feel whenever a shudder passed through the golden thighs, goosebumps remaining.

_Holy fuck. Holy fucking shit._

A gasp left Hyungwon's open mouth when he added a little bit of pressure and pressed his flat palm to Hoseok’s chest, spreading his fingers and curling them a little right after. It was like he was exploring his body, touching someone for the first time. At first it was careful, then bolder, brushing over his right nipple lightly on the way to his ribs.

A hiss left his lips at the feeling of the other man's long fingers against his chest, fueling his desire to touch and to be touched more. He closed his eyes for a few moments before opening them again, immediately focusing on the other man's.

“Do you like this too?” Hyungwon asked carefully, slipping a little closer by moving his hips forward and closing the distance between them. “It's not only me, is it? It's not strange, right?” His hand followed the length of each rib before sliding down to the next one, tracing it and shaking when he finally reached the black lines of ink. It seemed like the sight of his tattoos alone excited the prince, evoking another hiss and a tremble that passed through his long limbs.

“God, if you knew,” he whispered, hands shaking in the effort to keep them off the attractive man. It wasn't his turn.

_It'll never be your turn. Get a grip._

“May I-” Hyungwon began and pushed his hips over the edge of the bed, slowly moving to the carpet and almost slipping on top of Hoseok’s lap. His breaths sounded so rough, like his actions were sufficient to arouse him beyond belief. The prince continued his ministrations and traced the patterns of his tattoos with his fingers, applying a little bit of pressure and stroking over Hoseok’s hip bone in the process. He was crazily close, exhaling against his neck and still trembling. A pink tongue licked over the blonde boy’s lips, the moisture had left him a long time ago, overwhelmed by the situation.

It was fascinating how Hyungwon squirmed and attempted to pull his legs together, but wasn't able to, gasping in frustration.

_Shit._

“Do you like how it feels?” Hoseok asked, fingers curled into fists and muscles flexed. He felt how he twitched in his underwear at the feeling of Hyungwon's long fingers on his lower stomach.

There was a hesitant nod as the blonde boy looked up, chewing on his bottom lip mercilessly. The big hand paused at the waistband of his underwear and Hoseok could hear the prince swallow as he traced the black ink instead, exhaling through parted lips. His reactions only increased in their intensity, almost like Hyungwon was aroused by touching his body alone, trembling and avoiding his gaze out of embarrassment.

“I can't help reacting,” the prince whispered and shifted again, crawling a little closer and thighs brushing against each other. There was so much exposed skin, warmth transcending between them. “I feel like I'm losing my mind, Hoseok.”

“I lost mine a long time ago, I'm going crazy.” His voice didn't sound like himself as his breathing frequency increased, desire to touch the golden skin absolutely overwhelming. “I want to touch you too.”

The prince swallowed and shifted again, both hands caressing the skin of his thighs and travelling up to his neck. Licking over his lips once, Hyungwon leaned in and wrapped his arms around him, pressing his body flush against his and almost climbing on top of his lap. A ragged breath left the red lips.

“Will- will it be okay, Hoseok? I don't know, I don't know if there are consequences for breaking the rules like this. Will it be fine as long as no-one finds out? I'm scared, but... I can't think about anything else,” the blonde boy babbled, air brushing his lips and hands holding on tightly. “I've never been touched and your fingers felt so-”

“No-one can find out, Hyungwon. Ever. But I don't want to stop if you don't want to either. Do you want me to touch you?” he breathed out, curling his arms around the other man's slim waist, fingers easily slipping under his pajama top.

Hyungwon gasped in his face, instantly responding to his fingers that were touching golden skin, stroking over the boy's lean back underneath the black silk. There was a barely visible nod, accompanied by big eyes that focused on his. The blonde boy curled his arms tighter around Hoseok’s neck as his long fingers caressed his shoulders.

The other man's natural beauty was like a curse, hanging over him and reminding him of what he might be able to experience, but didn't let himself.

_You can't let yourself. He asked you to. Only the things he asks you to do._

Tracing Hyungwon's beautifully curved spine, he let one hand run over the other man's ribs before rolling a nipple between his fingers carefully. He could still remember how they looked in the dark when Hyungwon undressed in the garden. He remembered how he had wanted to see his fingers brush over it.

_And now you do, you just can't see it._

The prince moaned, sound unexpected and gorgeously low as it echoed off the walls. Hyungwon appeared caught off guard by the feeling and threw his head back, exposing his golden neck. As soon as the other caught himself, he instantly covered his mouth with his palm, eyes wide in shock.

“Shh, you have to be quiet,” Hoseok whispered, desire to kiss Hyungwon's gorgeous lips overwhelming.

_No._

He held back, pressing his index finger against the palm that covered the plump mouth instead.

Again, there was a nod as Hyungwon gasped into his own palm, eyes fluttering shut for a few seconds. The blonde boy wasn't able to control himself well, hips shifting and thighs attempting to pull together repeatedly.

“What would you like me to do?” he whispered, arms pulling the slim body against his own desperately, without creating friction.

The prince whimpered quietly and pulled at Hoseok’s shoulders a little. Spreading out his fingers, he attempted to talk.

“I don't know- I- like what you're doing to me,” he muttered, staring at him with his blush covered face. He was beautiful.

“You can touch me as much as you like,” Hoseok commented quietly, longing for the long fingers moving over his sensitive skin. The other man's knee was hurt too, so he made a gesture for him to keep quiet and stood up, pulling the slim body along and lifting it on top of the bed. Leaning closer, he exhaled against Hyungwon's beautiful, red lips and attached his fingers to the silk clad body, loosening a button in the process and caressing one of the other man's gorgeous collarbones.

Hyungwon was breathing heavily and watching him with big eyes. His right hand reached out hesitantly and curled around his upper arm, stroking over the pale skin until it travelled to his chest and brushed over a nipple. The way the ice-blue eyes instantly focused on his face, showed that the blonde man had expected a response, shaking a little under him. Hissing at the caress to one of his sensitive spots, he stopped his movements for a few moments, resuming them right after and undoing another button. He reminded Hyungwon to keep quiet and rolled his small, dark nipple between his thumb and index finger. This time he could see it, it was fucking beautiful.

_The difference between your skin tones is beautiful._

He could hear a muffled moan as the prince's body trembled and he suppressed his noises with his palm, erection visibly twitching in the tight underwear he wore. Hyungwon must have felt embarrassed about the way he reacted as he turned his head to the side and whimpered again, chest rising and falling rapidly. It was gorgeous, the way goosebumps spread all over his body, how his legs shook at each touch and how harsh breaths passed through his lips. He seemed so overwhelmed.

_He is so gorgeous, Hoseok. Shit._

“Do you like it?” he asked, licking his lips and holding back from attaching them to the golden skin, from tasting it.

There was a barely visibly nod and a soft palm that stroked over his cheek, thumb rubbing tender circles over it. The prince kept his mouth covered, muffling each gasp and restrained moan.

He let his hand travel further down over Hyungwon's lean stomach, while his free hand curled around the other man's golden thigh, making sure he wasn't touching the bruises. Tracing the seam of the underwear he had given him, Hoseok brushed his fingers over the prince's clothed erection, as if accidentally, on the way to curl them around his other thigh.

He could see blue eyes widen before the prince moaned into his palm, body quivering as he threw his head to the side and whimpered, twitching right after.

_Gorgeous._

“Do you want more of this?” His voice was low and he was amazed by his ability to not lose his shit despite being rock hard and barely able to hold back.

Hyungwon turned painfully slowly towards him and blinked a few times. The boy’s large eyes focused on his face, lips covered by a golden hand. Still shaking, the other man gradually removed his palm from his mouth, uncovering his plump lips and how quick his breaths were, unable to resist the way his hips pushed towards Hoseok all on their own.

Taking a deep breath, the prince bit his bottom lip, staring at him with half-lidded eyes.

“Please,” he whispered quietly.

Staring at the other man's beautiful face for a few seconds, he narrowed his gaze and let both his hands travel upwards along Hyungwon's golden thighs, stopping right at his crotch and going back down a few times.

There were several harsh breaths whenever his fingers stopped, followed by a whimper as the prince had not covered his mouth again and wasn't able to resist responding.

“Please,” Hyungwon begged again, legs spreading a little wider and hands sinking into the silk sheets in desperation.

Repeating the whole thing, Hoseok brushed over the other man's crotch, feeling the hardness of his erection and the wet spot from the precum that collected during their torturous touching game.

“You're gorgeous,” he whispered, letting his fingers slow down and caress the clothed erection repeatedly.

The mesmerizing boy was delirious, eyes unfocused and legs trembling with each little caress. He wasn't able to remain quiet despite instantly covering his mouth with his palm and moaning into it. The pleasure must have been overwhelming enough to take his coordination, fingers slipping and allowing low moans, gasps and whimpers to pass through.

_He can't be loud, it’s not a game of hide and seek, you can’t put him in danger._

Reaching for the blonde boy's mouth, he put his palm on top of it, muffling the sounds sufficiently while his other hand rubbed along Hyungwon's length, applying more pressure.

“It will feel crazy, but it'll be okay,” he whispered, warning the prince of what was about to come, twitches signaling that the other man was close.

It looked crazy how the blonde boy reached out and held onto his wrist, whimpering repeatedly and unable to keep his eyes open as he pushed his lower body towards Hoseok’s touches, moans becoming more frequent and rougher despite being muffled. It didn't take long until he felt Hyungwon's whole body shake below him, hands scratching lightly over his arm. A sound that almost resembled a scream vibrated against his palm as the beautiful boy orgasmed and turned boneless several seconds after, hold becoming limp and eyes fluttering shut repeatedly.

Hyungwon was beautiful, so incredibly beautiful. But also overwhelmed and definitely straight. Hoseok knew enough guys like that, wanting to experiment for the hell of it. The ‘sure, this was fun, but I’ll still marry a woman’ type.

_The prince is definitely not someone you should be experimenting with._

Stroking over the other man's thighs gently, he reached for the tissue box wiping away the wetness of Hyungwon’s release, before pulling out one of his black silk pajamas that looked the same as the prince’s and putting them next to the beautiful, blonde prince.

“That felt like a firework, right?” he asked quietly, trying to ignore his own erection.

“Mmh,” Hyungwon hummed and shifted briefly, probably attempting to return the feeling to his limbs. “I don't- really feel my legs.”

“It's normal, they're there. I promise.” Smiling, he brushed a blonde strand behind the small ear.

A few seconds passed until the prince returned it, mouth spreading wide into a genuine expression of happiness as he sat up on the bed and opened his arms.

_He wants to hug?_

Hoseok was confused. But they had been close before, it had just gotten sexual all of a sudden. Shouldn't it return to the way it was before?

Leaning forward, he wrapped his arms around Hyungwon's half naked body, hugging him tightly.

_You still can't decline, taking it as soon as it's offered._

 

 

***

 

Drops repeatedly knocked on the window. The rhythm was difficult to follow, none that could have been easily recreated with an instrument, a drum or a golden teaspoon on a crystal cup. The sound wasn't quite as rich either, it rather resembled a wooden cooking spoon on an iron pot, nothing remarkable in and of itself.

Hyungwon was lying in bed, completely covered by the thick blanket that he knew well and engulfed by the warmth of his own body heat. The scent of his pillow was familiar, the detergent that was always used in the palace unless a certain fabric wasn't worth the effort and instantly thrown away. The scent of his blanket was nostalgic too, a mixture of his own body scent and something sweet, probably the freshener that one of the servants used while cleaning.

Only the black pajamas that covered his dark skin weren't familiar. The silk fabric itself was, soft and pleasant against his skin. It only missed a few of the embroidered coats of arms of the royal family and Hyungwon's body scent.

_It smells like him._

He inhaled deeply and curled himself further into the thick blanket, making sure to hide every bit of his body that might have peeked out. It was a strange thought but he couldn't help the feeling that the change was visible, that every servant that laid eyes upon his skin would be able to tell that it had been touched by somebody.

_It's stupid, you know it is._

Hyungwon knew, but still he wasn't able to help the worry and the fear. He was lying awake in the middle of the night, contemplating the consequences of his actions. There were no direct ones, nothing he could really feel apart from the sudden knowledge of how pleasurable an orgasm was. It shouldn't be something he had experience in, but so was the taste of beer, the people on the outside and the feel of a seatbelt on his chest. All of these were things that he was forbidden from doing and still he had done them, not suffering any consequences.

_Because nobody knows, there are no consequences as long as nobody knows._

Hyungwon had made sure to destroy all evidence. He had burned the stained undergarment in addition to several documents he had wished to destroy, so to not be suspicious. The ash hadn't appeared remarkable in any way. It was the grey remains of something meaningful as every paper and every cloth he had ever burned. There was no heavy burden that he had to carry.

_Apart from the secret and the knowledge of what you do not have._

Hyungwon feared it, he feared that experiencing pleasure the way Hoseok had shown him would become a burden, something he suddenly needed much like the warmth of arms around him, diminishing the loneliness even if it was only for a few moments.

_You can't become dependent, you have to be strong, Hyungwon. It's what you were taught._

Maybe the need to remain untouchable and in control, not revealing weaknesses, was one of the few truthful things that life in the palace had taught him.

He would have to bear the knowledge and the experience like a part of him, pulling the mask of naivety and innocence above it to keep his integrity. There was no other choice.

It was a secret, one that joined his nightly escapades, his escape from the palace and his meetings with the future prince consort.

There had never been a king without secrets.

 

_

 

There had never been a king without secrets and Hyungwon genuinely didn't know if there was a limit for the occurrences, experiences and thoughts that could be locked away as secrets and never revealed to the public.

His heart was beating fast as he stood at the same traffic light, watching the bright red light in the form of a standing man. Luckily Hoseok had been able to recover from his cold and hadn’t struggled too much when they climbed the gigantic palace wall that separated the royal grounds from the outside world.

His palms felt a little rough, not used to the extensive climbing despite his daily routine of leaving his room through his window. The softness of his hands might have been one of the reasons he hadn't been found out until now. They really looked like he had never worked even once in his life.

_It's like an alibi, something that everybody believes for your safety._

Compared to the first time, the clothes on his body were more familiar and much more comfortable. There was a black t-shirt that seemed to be made of cotton, loose on his slim frame. His legs were wrapped in blue jeans, a little tight but stretchable enough for moving, climbing and kicking somebody unconscious if Hyungwon had to. The main difference from last time, however, was the lack of a hat which he was really happy about. He had never really worn hats before, so the sensation of something squeezing the skin above his ears wasn't really pleasant.

Instead of a hat, the future prince consort had sprayed strange black color on Hyungwon's hair, making him a black-haired man, just like Hoseok.

He was really curious about how it looked, but there were no mirrors to find out.

“Does it always take this long?” he asked the black-haired man next to him when the traffic light continued to be red.

Hoseok was so much more relaxed again, almost like the air outside the palace made him transform, body posture less tense and smile remaining on his lips in addition to the ever-present curve. It was beautiful to see.

“Depends on the traffic,” the other man replied and took his hand. Hoseok looked around quickly, before pulling him along to the other side of the street, despite the light remaining red.

“But- we're only supposed to cross on green!” Hyungwon exclaimed, almost losing his balance at the fruitless attempt to resist. He was shocked that the other man would ignore the laws of the country so easily. Of course, Hoseok had a tendency to do that a lot in general, but not in public.

When they reached the other side of the road it was too late to change anything.

“Yes, but there are no kids around and no cars, so it's okay. We won't go to the club today. I wanted to show you the night market and then we will go along the river to Lucy's house, it's nearby. Is there something you would like to see? A strip club?” Hoseok started laughing while wiggling his eyebrows.

_He must really think poorly of you to suggest that._

“Why would I be interested in a strip club? It's inappropriate,” he hissed and glanced at the sneakers on his feet. They were almost the perfect size as Hoseok and him had very similar feet length. He definitely didn’t want to go to a place that was neither talked about nor listed in official establishments of the country. Hyungwon knew about them but only because of the blacklist he had access to. It was a way to make money, but an individual with honor would never be associated with it. “I prefer the other proposal you made. I was fascinated by the beauty of the river last time and would love to see the market as well. Thank you for taking me.”

Hoseok knew the way out by now and even if he lacked some of the keys, he could have borrowed them from Hyungwon and gone on his own. It was not necessary to take him along, but still the future prince consort asked him. It made Hyungwon ridiculously happy despite the rules he was breaking.

They walked for a while, deserted woods slowly coming to life.

“Why you would be interested? Because you're a heterosexual, healthy male? Sorry for making such a bold assumption, your royal highness,” Hoseok mocked him as he almost danced along the streets, looking up once in a while.

_What else could you be?_

“Everybody is, so that doesn't mean anything,” Hyungwon replied and frowned at the black-haired man. It was a strange thing to comment on, why would he make such an obvious statement? “I've lived like this for years, so I have no need go to an illicit business for-” he paused to think of an appropriate word that didn't sound embarrassing, “bodily services.”

Despite the rather unpleasant thought of going to a s-club, Hyungwon loved seeing Hoseok that cheerful, swinging his arms and pale fingers remaining around his thin wrist. His own lips spread in a smile, hoping to see the black-haired man this excited for the rest of the night.

_He deserves the break._

“Bullshit. Not everybody is like this. It's bullshit, it's like saying everybody wants to marry and have kids,” Hoseok whispered, eyes suddenly focusing on him and warm fingers loosening their grip on his wrist.

_Lucy doesn't, he's thinking of Lucy._

“I apologize, that was insensitive of me.” Hyungwon reached out to hold onto the other man's arm. He reacted immediately, his body knowing that fear would spread throughout his veins at the memory of the woman's tears. The image was fresh, shocking enough to materialize in his head like a scene from a movie.

He didn't want to make anybody cry like that anymore.

“Everybody should be free to do as they wish as long as they do not harm anybody else,” he spoke, repeating Lucy's words. The curly-haired woman had been right, even if her opinion did not correspond to Hyungwon's teachings.

“People- they are different, Hyungwon. They have different desires and different preferences. You have your preferences and I have mine, they differ by a lot, but it doesn't matter and the large number of people that share your preferences doesn't make them better than mine,” the black-haired man elaborated quietly as they turned the corner, into a street with more people. It was fascinating how close together the various combinations of individuals were. Hyungwon could see men and women holding hands affectionately, smiling at each other and rubbing their feet over the concrete in a shy gesture. It was sweet somehow, even though he wasn't used to seeing couples that close in public. One pair kissed under a large tree and Hyungwon glanced away out of politeness, a little shy to be watching them like that.

Not all people were couples. There were friends, sitting on a bench across from the river and talking. A few were drinking the same beer that Hoseok and him had drunk last time.

Licking over his lips, he glanced towards the black-haired man, wondering how different his preferences could be. Did he not want to be like everybody else around them? To be intimate with the person they had fallen in love with and eventually get married.

_He also said that he does not want to marry._

“I never considered my preferences to be superior,” he replied quietly and watched a mother with a small girl that kept throwing a ball into the air. It was adorable and he smiled at the sight.

“You didn't. You just said that everybody is like you. Straight and healthy.” Hoseok strolled along the promenade, keeping a little more distance between them. Pushing his hands into the pockets of his tight, black jeans, the other man watched the way his shoes stepped on the red leaves that had fallen from the trees along the alley.

_Why does the typical wish to marry and live with a person of the opposite gender upset him so much? Because Lucy does not want to marry a man and be put into a role she is uncomfortable with?_

“I was insensitive, I'm sorry,” Hyungwon murmured and lifted Hoseok’s palm to his lips, placing a careful kiss on top of it. “I feel like the two of us make the same mistakes. I assume that everybody is ‘straight’ and healthy and you assume that everybody who fulfills those attributes would want to go to such a club.” He chuckled at the realization that both of them seemed to differ from the norm. Even now while walking along the river they seemed to gain small sparks of attention, standing out from the masses. “Neither of us really fit in, do we?”

Hoseok pulled his hand away quickly and glanced around.

“The hand kissing, it's not really a thing out here unless you're romantically involved,” the other man whispered, before slapping his shoulder lightly.

_Oh no, that must have seemed strange to others._

“To be honest, I didn't assume anything about you. I just said it to deal with what happened the other night by making fun of the fact that you're not supposed to do that. I'm sorry. Not about what happened, just about making fun of the fact that you feel uncomfortable about it. I won't kiss your hand though, you will have to accept my apology like this.” Biting down on his curved bottom lip, the black-haired man lowered his gaze again.

_Is it strange to feel uncomfortable about it?_

It seemed perfectly understandable that breaking a rule that involved Hyungwon staying away from sexual practices and bodily contact would make him uncomfortable. He had no experience with being close to another person and didn't know how he was supposed to act afterwards. All the knowledge of the black-haired man's skin and the sensation he had felt in his groin didn't disappear just like that. It was something that he carried around and it didn't feel like he had fully come to terms with it yet.

_But it will have to become a part of you, a secret that is yours to keep._

Maybe it wasn't as problematic because it hadn't been a woman and Hyungwon hadn't compromised a woman's dignity by getting involved. It was only his own that he had endangered.

_As long as nobody else gets hurt it should be acceptable._

“I have accepted it as another secret that has become part of me.”

Hyungwon walked a little faster to reach a small platform of beautiful white stone that jutted out in a half circle over the rushing water below. Curling his fingers around the protective railing, he glanced down and breathed in the scent of the moving river. It was amazing and the wind that ruffled his hair only added to the experience. Hyungwon didn't even mind that the sprayed black strands were dark in the corner of his eye.

“I think it's unfair. It's unfair that you were kept inside all this time. I want to show you so many things but there's so little time,” Hoseok whispered while appearing next to him, forearm touching his as the other man willingly let the breeze mess up his hair.

“I know, no matter how much time I spend outside the palace, I will never be able to become one with the people out here. It concerns me to be honest.” Hyungwon sighed and brushed through his bangs, pulling them back only for the wind to ruffle them up again. “But I do not necessarily think it was unfair. There were reasons for it, there always are.”

“You think they did well?” Hoseok's ocean-blue eyes settled on his face and the intense gaze remained, lips pulling together. “Maybe that's why we're so different. I don't know why I thought you were suffering from it, robbed of all the experiences, robbed of a childhood and robbed of human affection. But here you are, eighteen years old and talking about reasons.” The last words were almost a whisper as the other man pushed himself away from the railing and returned to the paved path.

_He can see your doubts, you cannot hide them from him._

Hyungwon chewed his cheek and followed, easily falling into step with the black-haired man. There were a lot of noises around them, people talking, calling out for each other, muffled music from cell phones. It wasn't comparable to the deadly quiet of the garden or the echoing of their whispers in Hoseok’s bedchambers.

_It's alive, everything is so alive outside the palace._

“Don't you think… that believing there was a reason for all this makes it easier? There has to be a reason, Hoseok. Why would they do all this if there was no reason? It must have been for my safety, something that was designed to teach me to be better, to know how to fulfil my role, something to keep my mind off of irrelevant pleasures and focused on my studies. I will never know what might have happened to me had I left the palace with everybody knowing who I was. The assassin who attempted to take my life has never been caught, he might try again. I just don't know, Hoseok.” His voice didn't sound like himself, low and desperate in the end, like he needed the other man's confirmation to feel at ease, to forget about the lack of experience and affection he had to endure.

“It makes it easier you say? For whom? For you? Imagine this, imagine a person, me. Imagine me using you for something because of my personal greed. There is a reason, and the reason is that I'm fucking greedy. Does the mere existence of a reason make my behavior better? More bearable? It doesn't, Hyungwon. Having a reason doesn't make shitty behavior okay all of a sudden. It's different with choices. For me it just seems that they tried to rob you of the opportunity to choose, even butting into your most private matters.” Hoseok exhaled loudly and curled his fingers into fists at his sides. The line of his mouth and the way the curved corners disappeared made him seem angry.

_He believes that they took away your choices?_

That might have been true, but it wasn't only about his choices. Growing up in such a restrictive environment could be considered a way of removing pressure, keeping him focused on his responsibilities until he was able to afford the distraction. The reason was not a selfish one, it had always been focused on him. It had to be.

“You misunderstood, Hoseok. I do not consider every reason valid, but I do believe that the reason for restraining my choices was for my own benefit. It was for my safety, for my growth as an heir to the throne, for my comprehension of the values. I do not know how open I would be to your opinion and what you are showing me otherwise. Wouldn't I be like every other individual out here? Brainwashed to believe what is preached.”

“You're like a pigeon sitting in a cage, trying to persuade himself that he can see the outside and that the cage had made him who he is, instead of thinking that a tiny bit of your personality has survived despite all this crap they have done to you. But who am I to judge? I'm not here to restrict your choices. You can think and believe whatever you want.” Hoseok didn't look at him, instead he watched his own feet moving over the paved alley covered by fallen leaves, making noises here and there.

_It's not about what you want to believe, it's about what you want to do._

“Even-” Hyungwon began, but disliked the lack of eye contact. It felt like screaming into a void, uncertain about the impact of the words. He needed to see the black-haired man.

Reaching out for Hoseok’s upper arm, he pulled a little and stopped walking. They stood amidst a few trees, a more secluded area at this time of night.

“Even if you are right, even if they captured me for their own benefit, to turn me into a marionette that follows the deteriorating values of the current society. What does the knowledge of what has been done to me give me apart from misery, Hoseok?” he asked and swallowed, grip tightening a little. He felt the sudden urge to embrace the other man. “Isn't it about what I do now? I'm leaving the palace, I'm trying to learn, I'm trying to gain experience and you are the one helping me. Isn't that what matters?”

Hoseok had his eyes closed for a few seconds before the stormy ocean reappeared, intensity overwhelming.

“What does the knowledge give you? It gives you the base for resistance, for doubt, for questioning and fighting for what you think is right. Resignation is easy and believe me, I know it. Remember me telling you about my uncle from the royal family, who likes pale boys? That pale boy was me and I wasn't even nearly grown up and I wanted to die so often, you couldn’t even imagine, thinking that there must've been a reason. But it's not right, Hyungwon. It's just not right and you have to gain self-awareness to know what they did wrong to be able to fight against it. It's not about rules. It's about the kind of person you are. If you feel better while being comfortably covered in the belief that they did well and everything went fine, please don't let yourself be disturbed by someone like me. I told you, I'm not the best company for you, your royal highness,” the low voice muttered and the black-haired man turned, walking further into the barely lit park.

Hyungwon wasn't able to follow, not immediately, shocked by the uttered words and the calm with which Hoseok was able to pronounce them.

_He must have been touched against his will and still he is able to stand up for himself and deal with imprisonment in the palace and being forced to marry your sister._

Hoseok was strong, so impossibly strong.

His heartbeat picked up as he ran to catch up, brushing their hands against each other carefully and staring straight ahead. Hyungwon felt his own body shake at the thoughts that rushed through his mind, mixing up and not allowing him to decide on the right conclusion. There was no right conclusion, instead two opinions were standing across from each other, ready to shoot.

“But how do I know what is right and what is wrong?” he whispered, teeth biting down on his bottom lip, enough to hurt.

“By how you feel about it, by forming your opinion based on the things you know and consider right. I'm open, open to the fact that my opinion can change, but I won't stand by and nod when I see something that I consider wrong. You misunderstood me. I'm not here to make you feel hesitant, unsure and confused. I simply can't accept that they did this to you. I hate them for it. You, on the other hand, can think whatever helps you sleep at night.” Exhaling sharply, Hoseok continued walking straight ahead without looking at him.

Hyungwon didn't reply as he followed the other man, feeling like an addition to his sure and righteous silhouette. When they passed a lantern, he couldn't help but look at their shadows and how different they appeared. The sight was much more striking than it had been in the palace. Hyungwon had watched his own shadow countless times and the ones that followed it everywhere, quiet like ghosts.

But it was different this time. Hoseok’s shadow was so broad and confident, aware of himself and what he wished to stand for. It seemed like Hyungwon’s was transparent in comparison, not fully present and merely coexisting at the same time in the same world. It was difficult to believe that their roles in society had been chosen so differently.

“I admire you,” he whispered and curled the fingers of his right hand around the other man's left wrist, focusing on the way the skin felt beneath his fingertips. “I'm like a transparent shadow next to you. I wish I was a fresh branch instead, then there would still be potential.”

Suddenly Hoseok stopped walking and turned towards him, expression different from the storm that had been present a few moments ago.

“You're not transparent, you're gold and you shine. There's so much potential and you have carried a huge burden for such a long time, you're strong. Way stronger than me probably.” A brief smile appeared on the other man's features as he focused his gaze on him, watching his face intently. “Don't admire me, you told me that it will make you weak.”

“Because it makes me see the difference between us,” Hyungwon replied and couldn't resist reaching for the other man's face, thumb brushing over his soft cheek. “We're like two birds, one that has never seen the sunlight and one that was forced to part with it. What we share is that both of us cannot fly.”

“Sunlight? There's nothing like that. Only pitch-black darkness. I won't fly because I have people that I need to protect. It's a choice. My choice. You seem to have decided that you can't fly.” Hoseok's eyes stared at him intently, before fluttering shut at the touch against his cheek.

“Maybe I need to learn it,” he murmured softly and let his thumb slide lower to Hoseok’s lips, following their beautiful curve. “Or I need to try.”

A pink tongue followed the movement of his thumb, adding moisture to the smooth surface before the ocean-blue eyes opened again, gaze intense and focused on his face. A sharp exhale hit the skin of his hand and it seemed as if nothing else mattered.

Hyungwon gasped, unable to contain the sound or to say anything else. His eyes remained caught in the contact as he stepped a little closer, warmth almost perceivable but still too far away. He shouldn't have, not outside the palace and not in the middle of an unfamiliar park, but he couldn't help it. It felt right somehow.

_Maybe that is what he meant, judging by your own impressions and perceptions._

“I'm scared that you might break your wings, Hyungwon.” A barely audible whisper had left the curved, red lips as the familiar eyes kept their penetrating gaze, intensity remaining.

It felt intimate, like the black-haired man was genuinely worried about him, concern finding its way into every word uttered. His body reacted so quickly, warmth filling his chest and heartbeat picking up whenever he was close enough.

“I won't,” he whispered, urge to be close almost overwhelming him.

“Please,” was the short reply, as Hoseok took his hand and squeezed it briefly, before turning around and pulling him along.

“Let’s eat something yummy and then go to Lucy’s and watch a movie together. Something forbidden.” Jumping up a little, the black-haired man looked careless and free while still keeping his fingers in between the spaces of his own as the park was empty.

Hyungwon missed the previous proximity, the way his hand had brushed Hoseok’s tender skin and how close they had been. Closing his eyes for a few seconds, he nodded and squeezed the black-haired man's hand in his, focusing on the way it felt.

“Please show me,” he murmured with a smile and followed.

There was something about Hoseok that made him feel like more than a shadow, like there were an abundance of things to see and to experience, to know and to get better at. It wasn't even about where they were or how new the outside was compared to the palace. It was the person he was with, the black-haired man holding his hand and appearing like a bird that could spread its wings any second, flying wherever it wanted to fly.

Hyungwon wished to be just like that.

“You know, I think fairytales are stupid because they show an unrealistic outcome of a situation, but being here with you like this, I kind of see the point,” Hoseok's low voice commented right next to him as they walked, fingers intertwined and arms touching.

Hyungwon closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh scent of water, wet leaves and the cold. It did feel like a fairytale, like a book they had suddenly materialized in, following the plotline but making independent choices. They were breaking the rules without the knowledge of where the plot would take them, excited about what was to come.

His heart was beating furiously as he opened his eyes and glanced at the black-haired man, curved lips pulled up in a smile and blue eyes big and focused ahead of them. He was really beautiful and Hyungwon had never felt so peaceful and at the same time overwhelmed next to another person.

“You make me happy, Hoseok, it's so much more than a fairytale.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You- you have slept with a man before?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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It was almost midnight, but he could still see the red and yellow fallen leaves lining the streets and the narrow alley that led to the night market he really wanted to show to the prince.

The park was empty, so he slipped his fingers in between the spaces of Hyungwon’s long ones, and walked slowly, on purpose, wishing for the time to stand still, to pass slower, to give him a little more of the warm hand, squeezing his in irregular intervals.

_At least you don’t have the feeling that you’re going crazy._

Their discussion had been heavy, creating a storm inside him and the desire to tell the blonde man about all the things that have been going wrong in the society they were living in, about the unacceptable way the palace had treated him and how they had made him a marionette, simply dancing as soon as someone lifted the wooden cross. The way Hyungwon had touched his lips still lingered in his memory, the feel of the smooth thumb, the warmth paired with the longing look in the other man’s ice-blue eyes. He had curled his fingers into a tight fist, nails burying in the soft flesh of his palm to not get weak, to not cup the beautiful face and taste the plump, red lips. He wanted it so badly that it had almost hurt physically to hold back his desires.

_He’s the prince. And you’re you, Hoseok. There’s no overlap and there was never meant to be any._

Instead he had voiced his concerns, his instantly present worry that the gorgeous blonde man would hurt himself because of Hoseok. It had already happened, he could feel it when he brushed his thumb over the back of the prince’s warm hand, surface a little rough due to the cut that still hadn’t healed completely.

_It’s better that he doesn’t learn to fly, if it means that he’s safe. Who are you to make him hurt?_

He was someone who preferred to be hurt if it meant that he was aware, ready to fight for what he considered right, but he wasn’t in any position to force someone else to do the same.

Reaching the beautifully lit up market, he uncurled his fingers and stepped to the side.

“We’re here,” he murmured, pointing at the prettily arranged lights and the mass of people moving past various food stalls and vendors that were selling different goods. “Let’s find something to eat first, but stay close, I don’t want to lose you.”

_Why does it sound like the most authentic thing that you have said today?_

The prince's eyes widened at the sight, moving quickly from one person to the next.

“Can't I- hold onto you like before? So we don't lose each other?” Hyungwon asked and buried the fingers of his right hand in the fabric of Hoseok’s shirt. The tall man seemed genuinely shocked by the sight. “I apologize if I seem childish, but I have never seen so many people in one place. This is way more than at the club. When we have ballroom dances people always hold appropriate distance, especially with me.”

_He’s right, you can’t afford losing him in the crowd._

“Just go after me, like a train,” he commented and turned towards the crowd, taking both of Hyungwon’s big palms and curling them around his waist. It was almost like a back-hug, but it was okay. They seemed like close friends who were strolling along the market together. Nothing special and not suspicious.

_If you didn’t like it so much, that is._

Hyungwon merely hummed and held on tightly, fingers brushing along Hoseok’s sides without staying still. Leaning back he felt warm breaths against his neck until he heard the prince's low voice.

“Your body... is always so warm, Hoseok.”

The goosebumps immediately spread all over his skin at the combination of Hyungwon’s low voice and the words that the other man had spoken. It reminded him of the way they had touched and embraced in his room, skin against skin and feeling so close that it kept reminding him of what he missed.

“Mhm, right now it is. Maybe I need to share the warmth,” he murmured in reply, moving past the stalls with different clothing. There were a lot of people and their bodies were squeezed together from the impact of the crowd moving around them.

Hyungwon gasped behind him as he was pushed and basically pressed flat against Hoseok’s back.

“Aren't- people rude?” he asked as he placed his head on Hoseok’s shoulder and sighed. The prince was complaining but he didn't step away once the opportunity was given.

“They simply don’t care, they’re moving and you’re in the way, so you get squeezed. Do you want to walk in front of me? It’ll be easier and I’ll lead you.” Brushing over the other man’s warm hand that moved along his stomach, he squeezed himself between a few women, interested in buying underwear.

“I think that might be better, it's really close and-” The other man decided not to finish his sentence as he sucked his lips into his mouth and squeezed himself forward until they had switched positions. Warm hands immediately reached back to find his.

“God, you’re really tall,” he commented and chuckled, curling his arms around Hyungwon’s ridiculously slim waist. He let his fingers wrap around the other man’s sides to be able to control where he was going as he had no idea. A big group of friends had moved past them and basically pushed him against the prince’s back. It was way too close and he had to hold his breath at the impact.

“I'm sorry, should I tilt my head, so you can see?” Hyungwon asked at the front, hands remaining on top of his like the prince was genuinely worried about disappearing in the crowd. His steps were slow but big so that Hoseok had to make two after moments of stillness. Shopkeepers were constantly trying to convince them to buy things, calling out over the mass of people and waving around street food.

“It’s fine, I’m used to overcoming challenges,” he replied and stopped at one of the stalls that sold jewelry made out of beautifully carved river stones, pulling Hyungwon against his lower body. It was his attempt to make the other man stop walking.

“Wait. I want to buy something.”

The prince gasped loudly but stopped, staring somewhere else as his grip tightened on Hoseok’s hands.

Removing one of his hands from Hyungwon’s wrist, he took a beautiful bracelet, made of black and white stones and smiled at the vendor. He knew him. The man was a friend of Lucy’s father. A very nice and easy-going man in his fifties who wasn’t able to work because he had problems with his leg and collected river stones to make jewelry out of them. He remembered having a talk with him about the time he was beaten up because of his skin color, resulting in a bone fracture that hadn't healed properly. By selling the gorgeous bracelets he was able to make at least some money to support himself.

“Hey Antony,” he greeted the older man and smiled brightly, before taking another bracelet, a similar one. “I want to get these, they’re handmade right?” he asked even though he knew it.

“Hoseok! I haven’t seen you for months, how are you? Sure, those are special. I found gorgeous black stones and used them to make the bracelets. There are only two.” Mouth spread in a big friendly smile, the other man nodded to support his words and took both bracelets out of Hoseok’s hands to pack them into small paper bags. “Should be for someone special.”

_They are._

“Thank you, I’m good. I always am. Please keep up the good work and they’re gorgeous.” Hoseok pulled a bill out of his jeans and placed it into the other man’s palm, his eyes widened in response. It was too much, but actually it wasn’t.

_He should get so much more._

Smiling, he took the small bags and waved at Antony and was already pushed forward, against Hyungwon’s lean body and further, past the stalls.

“They’re special, the bracelets. Antony makes them himself out of the stones he finds in the river. They’re really beautiful,” he whispered, leaning against the prince’s back and exhaling against his small ear, only holding on with one hand.

Hyungwon tried to turn a little in order to reply.

“Please show me later. It must be very difficult for him to find the stones and to take the time to create bracelets. I'm fascinated by people who are able to create beauty like this, on their own with their creativity,” the boy replied and frowned as a rather broadly built man pushed him to the side, almost throwing him to the ground with how slim he was. Thankfully Hoseok was able to catch him in time.

_What the fuck?_

Reaching out, he held Hyungwon’s shirt with one hand to not lose him in the crowd, and grabbed the man’s shoulder, turning him around.

“Hey, you almost knocked him out, please apologize,” he said, gaze friendly and without appearing aggressive. The man frowned and crossed his arms, obviously inspecting his physique.

_As if you’ll fight._

“Listen, I’m not going to fight, I just want you to apologize. I can understand that you probably didn’t mean to, but he still hurt himself, so just say sorry, okay?” He narrowed his gaze because of the response and licked over his lips. To be honest, he didn’t want to create much fuss, not with the prince accompanying him and risking the other man to be found out. After getting no reply, he leaned in and whispered into the broad man’s ear while squeezing his shoulder.

“You better fucking apologize if you want to have a nice evening. Don’t you think you should be a decent human? Say sorry, gain confidence, become better and feel high and mighty because you were able to overcome your insecurities. I’m not here to mock you, just say sorry, he really hurt himself from the impact. What’s the point in those muscles if you can’t even say sorry?” Squeezing the muscular shoulder again he leaned back smiling.

“Sorry,” was the short reply in Hyungwon’s direction and he immediately turned back, pushing the prince forward to not risk stares.

_Why did you do that? It was stupid, he could’ve been found out with all the attention._

“So what I wanted to say about the bracelets,” he started, curling both of his arms around the prince’s waist and pressing him closer to his body. “It’s illegal. He doesn’t have a license to sell because he can’t register officially and the system doesn’t allow him to, so he’s forced to break the law to be able to buy something to eat.”

He could feel the tension in the boy’s muscles as he turned to the right and stopped in between two stalls, squeezing both of them into the empty space. His eyes were wide when their gazes met and Hyungwon held onto his shoulders.

“But why is he not able to do it officially? What's wrong with making jewelry and selling it, especially if he needs it to survive?”

“Because it’s regulated by us, white, blue-eyed dudes who think that people should only be able to make money if we think that they’re worthy. He’s dark skinned, his leg isn’t working properly and he sells pretty things, so we might get less money to bathe in, if people want his pretty jewelry instead of the gold and ivory bullshit.” The answer was harsh but it was the truth. The licenses for vendors were given out by the ministry, which only allowed big companies to apply for them. The companies suggested the type of goods and chose sellers that didn’t rival their own products. “This system doesn’t want people to have options, do you understand? We want people to buy the golden bracelet and we want them to have white skin and good education, leaving everybody else behind, not caring and not giving the people the freedom of choice. He made his choice, but he has to break the law for it to work.”

“That's-” Hyungwon paused and swallowed, visibly shocked by Hoseok’s elaboration. “That's so different from what I was taught. The black market is also regulated by us and I always thought it was kept because it enabled the people involved to make more money, like the clubs with bodily services that you mentioned. There are lists of people that sell on the black market, long ones and whenever somebody earns too much they are removed from the list. I- I never thought they were doing it because of financial struggles but in order to circumvent the state.”

“So much for reasons.” Hoseok tucked the bracelets into the pocket of his jeans and put his palms flat against Hyungwon’s chest, pushing him out of the narrow corner and into the crowd. “Let’s get something to eat.”

They were quiet as they pushed their way through, pulling suspicious glances once in a while. The prince didn't speak and merely held onto his hands. He looked to be in thought.

Arriving at one of the food stalls, he bought two meatballs and two cans of beer, moving through the crowd until they reached the riverbank. He remembered how many times Lucy and him had sat on the broad concrete blocks behind the market, safe from glances and rather quiet compared to the noises that were still noticeable, but at the same time far away. The river spread its waters in front of his eyes as he sat down on the ground, leaning his back against one of the blocks and gesturing for the prince to sit down next to him.

“We should have bought more jewelry,” Hyungwon whispered as he carefully lowered himself to the cool stones and brushed through his hair, pitch black from the spray he had used. The contrast of hair and eyes made the ice blue color even more obvious. “May I see the bracelets?”

_You can give it to him, it’s his anyway._

“We couldn’t have. We can’t carry it and we are not supposed to have it, so it’s just two.” Pulling the small paper bags out of his jeans, he carefully opened them and took out the bracelets. They were different, one of them had more of the black stones, the rare ones. That one was for Hyungwon. Hoseok inhaled sharply and took the prince’s warm palm, pulling the piece of jewelry over his big hand. The bracelet looked beautiful on the golden skin. Hyungwon had very slim wrists and it looked even more delicate and special.

“Pretty,” he whispered.

It was quiet for a few moments as the tall boy looked at him, eyes widening a little and lips parting. But Hyungwon didn't say anything, he merely looked at the bracelet on his wrist. Inhaling slowly, the prince carefully took the second bracelet and lifted Hoseok’s hand, pulling it over his pale fingers and wrist. It seemed like the other man acted on feelings instead of what he considered appropriate.

“It looks beautiful,” Hyungwon agreed and licked over his lips.

He hummed, staring at the prince’s beautiful face, framed by the black hair. His lips were red and thick, parting slightly at the way Hoseok stared at him. He kept his gaze until the pulling in his insides had gotten unbearable and he turned to the side, grabbing one can of beer and putting it into Hyungwon’s big palm.

_You can’t._

“Why did you stop that man, Hoseok? You didn't have to,” the other man commented suddenly and opened the can of beer carefully, hissing at the sound, almost like he was impersonating it.

“That man?” he asked, taking a big gulp of the cold beer and suddenly realizing what Hyungwon was been talking about. “Ah, because he slammed into you, so he had to apologize. Normally it would’ve been a little more intense, but I had to think about you, you’re not supposed to get recognized. I’ve been acting a little stupid lately, I wonder where it’s suddenly coming from.”

“I could say the same about myself,” the prince remarked and laughed loudly, almost spilling the contents of his beer into their laps. Once he calmed down, he took a sip and turned towards Hoseok, smiling brightly. “I'm thankful though, very thankful. It felt unfair and I didn't understand why he would treat me like that, so I'm happy that you helped. But you are wrong about me being the only one who has to hide, you have also been on TV as the future prince consort.”

“Yeah, but I don’t care about myself.” Taking out the warm meatball, he bit into it and chewed while moaning at the taste. The food from the black-market was the best.

_You care about him._

“But I care about you,” Hyungwon remarked with a frown as he attempted to grasp the meatball so that his hands remained clean. It was an amusing sight, especially with how long his golden fingers were, pulling at the tissue and opening his mouth ridiculously wide to take a small bite. It must have been good judging by the soft moan. “I want you to always be this carefree and happy.”

“I’m already sorry to disappoint you,” he murmured and stuffed the rest of his meatball into his mouth, releasing a groan. “It’s the best.” Swallowing, he leaned back again and looked at the river before glancing at his watch. Time was an enemy, running out as soon as he felt at ease.

“I refuse to give up yet,” the other man replied with a grin. Glancing around once to make sure that nobody saw him, Hyungwon opened his mouth ridiculously wide and just placed the whole damn meatball inside, chewing with gigantic cheeks. The prince's eyes were taking in the scenery, moving from the trees and the beautiful city lights to the river.

“Oh my fucking god, you’re hilarious.” Hoseok almost choked on his beer and slapped Hyungwon’s jeans clad thigh, keeping his palm on the slightly cooler surface. “Not wanting to give up is a very good attitude, your royal highness. I want you to be happy too.”

There was a muffled noise that resembled a hum as the prince continued to fight with the meatball in his mouth, watching him intently. A warm palm was placed on top of his, almost like Hyungwon had stopped minding the bodily contact and acted on it in a matter of seconds. Long fingers intertwined with his.

“We have to go,” he whispered, remembering the time again. They only had a few hours and he intended to see Lucy and watch a movie together. Ignoring his own words, he reached for the prince’s hand and drew along the lines of his fingers starting from the beautiful stone bracelet, noticing how his pale finger looked touching Hyungwon’s beautiful, golden skin.

“The difference, it's gorgeous,” the prince whispered after swallowing, shifting his hips a little closer until their thighs touched. “Thank you for the bracelet, it is the first time I have received a personal present like this. The stones remind me of me and you.”

_Black and white stones, creating a beautiful piece of art. Beautiful, but prohibited._

“Mhm,” Hoseok hummed, refusing to part and to break the contact. “I wanted you to have the one with the black stones, you’re like this too, raw, rare and really beautiful.”

“I thought because of my skin,” Hyungwon whispered and bit his lip. “You seemed knowledgeable to me, like the white color, pure and eternal.”

“If you look down, you can see that the stones are mostly white. There’s nothing special about it. And it’s not about skin. It’s about what’s under it, Hyungwon.” He lifted his gaze, staring in the other man’s ice-blue eyes that watched him intently. The eye contact was intense somehow, maybe it was because of the feeling of the warm palm under his, or the cold that surrounded them, the limited light, only showing each other the most important features but nothing more.

“I've never told anybody, but- black is my favorite color,” Hyungwon whispered quietly and lifted his arms slowly, almost in slow motion. Fingers travelled over his upper arms and along his shoulders. It was gradual, like the other man was still thinking, basking in each point of contact as it happened, without rushing. Lean arms finally wrapped around his neck and he was surrounded by warmth, soft breaths tickling the skin below his ear, as Hyungwon climbed on top of his lap.

“It’s my favorite too. It means that there’s still light that exists somewhere. Somewhere where I’m not,” Hoseok whispered back and placed his palms flat on the prince’s lower back, scared to move.

It was quiet for a while, only the sound of flowing water and wind that moved the branches of the surrounding trees.

“You said that one needs to decide for oneself whether something is right or wrong.” The prince's voice was low, vibrating against the skin of his neck repeatedly. The contact made the difference between the cold breeze and hot skin even more obvious. “This- it feels right to me.”

_This feels right to you too. It is right, if you both know what you are doing and what you want._

“This? Does it make you feel at ease? It’s understandable, hugging is really nice.” Hoseok sucked in Hyungwon’s coconut scent and moved his palms along the other man’s back, warmth easily transcending through the thin fabric of his black t-shirt.

“It's- complicated. Being close to you gives me unusual thoughts. I'm still learning to get used to them,” Hyungwon murmured quietly and rested his head on Hoseok’s shoulder, eyes fluttering shut in such a way that he could feel the lashes brushing over his jugular.

_Unusual thoughts? He’s not used to this, so everything is unusual._

“What are you thinking about right now?” he asked, closing his eyes to feel more of the touch and the various perceptions. The hot exhales and the grip of Hyungwon’s arms, the shifting of the other man’s hips and the warmth of his back.

“Something… that I should probably not speak about,” was the soft response before the other man held his breath, thighs pushing further into Hoseok’s.

“You should, if there’s someone you can speak about everything to, then it’s probably me. I’ll die while keeping you and your secrets safe. I promise,” he whispered into the small, curled ear. He couldn’t resist and leaned in, quickly letting his lips touch the shell before leaning back again.

“I- well-” The prince hesitated as he buried his face deeper in Hoseok’s neck, like hiding his own expression made it easier to speak. “Have you… ever looked at somebody and felt overwhelmed? Like- a mere glance is not sufficient, so your hands begin to tremble because you need to touch. Even a simple brush of fingertips seems like a blessing, to travel over a cheek, lips, the outline of a neck to a collarbone. I've never felt like this before, it almost seems like my body will give out if I do not act on it.”

_That’s how you feel about him._

“Mhm. But in my case, I'm not overwhelmed. It's- I feel weak. I feel how much fortitude I need to keep myself from it. But if you feel like you want to act on it, then do it, make sure that the other person wants it too.” He sighed. The prince had probably fallen in love with some girl. They had gotten new personnel recently and the women had been exceptionally pretty.

_Sad story._

“I'm not someone who's allowed to, but how can I find out if the other person wants it too?” There was a little bit of shifting as Hoseok suddenly felt warm lips against the skin right above his collarbone. “It's much more complex than that. It keeps mixing with fresh memories and experiences.”

_What is he talking about? He’s not talking about you is he?_

“It’s not about being allowed to. The only thing you’re not allowed to do is to do something another person doesn’t want you to do. Normally you know because the other person returns the glances, the smiles and the touches. But you could of course ask in your royal ‘may I’ manner.” He hissed at the hot feeling as goosebumps travelled along his arms and neck. “What keeps mixing with fresh memories? Which memories?”

There was a sigh as soft lips briefly touched his neck again, brushing along it for a second before moving back.

“I sometimes think- of what you showed me. My mind remembers it vividly even if I do not wish to be reminded. It happened when we were in the crowd and- and you pushed against me or pulled me towards yourself,” Hyungwon breathed out as his whole body froze. It seemed like the topic alone was terrifying for the prince, like he was speaking about something forbidden and had serious consequences. “This- it's okay, isn't it? Because you are returning the contact.”

_You. He is talking about you._

Inhaling deeply, he left the air inside his lungs for a few moments as he reached for the other man’s head, sinking his fingers into the soft strands of his hair.

“Are you asking me whether I am okay with you touching me? Are you talking about me, Hyungwon?” he asked, circling his arm further around the other man’s slim waist. Hoseok wanted him close.

There was a nod, but no words as Hyungwon followed the hand entangled with the colored strands of his hair, pushing against it. The prince shifted again and Hoseok could feel how a lean thigh lifted up a tiny bit and slipped upwards, brushing over his but without lying on top of it.

_Fuck, what are you going to do?_

“Of course, I’m okay with it. I was the one who touched you back when you were in my room. I told you that if there’s someone who does something he shouldn’t, then it’s me. It will always be me, so don’t worry.” His voice was almost a whisper as he kissed the top of Hyungwon’s head slowly, smelling the mixture of coconut and the sweet scent of his black hairspray. He wanted the prince to be close, so close that he wasn’t able to breathe, drowning in his scent and the sight of his gorgeous, golden skin.

“This feels right to me, so I do it,” the other man replied and pulled his thigh on top of Hoseok’s, exhaling harshly. “I just need to think about what this means for me. It's something I shouldn't be doing, neither in the palace nor in public, but still it seems right. I don't know whether I am the one to judge. Just because hatred makes you hurt somebody doesn't mean it's right, so how can I conclude that my current actions are correct?”

Pulling the other man’s body on top of his lap, Hoseok lifted his gaze, staring into Hyungwon’s ice-blue eyes.

“Your actions are right if they feel right to you and you share the feeling with the other person,” he whispered.

The prince looked shy as he glanced down at the way he was positioned on top of Hoseok’s thighs, only covering them partially with his slim but lean body.

“But there might be consequences, so I need to remain quiet, keep it a royal secret. There- are many royal secrets but I do not know if a prince before me has broken the vow of purity,” the blue-eyed boy murmured and didn't meet Hoseok’s gaze while his long fingers played with the strands of his hair, pulling lightly.

_Purity? He probably liked how you touched him back then._

“I don’t want you to bear any of those stupid consequences. I guess you really liked the touches last time. You can make yourself feel like that without me. I’m just- I’m pretty irrelevant there, it’s your choice to please yourself. Everybody does it and everybody has the right to. It’s your own body, Hyungwon.” He couldn’t believe that he had to persuade the successor of the throne to jerk off. It was not a role he expected to fill after entering the palace.

Brushing one of the loose strands of hair from the pretty forehead, Hoseok couldn’t help but trace the other man’s gorgeous, plump lips, parting a little at the pressure of his touch.

The prince had begun to reply, but stopped, staring at him instead. Rough breaths were leaving the round nose and hands tightened in his hair at the intensity of their eye contact. It felt like time was standing still.

The river quietened down and Hoseok couldn't hear the sound of the breeze, blowing through their hair.

“It's- not about those touches, Hoseok,” Hyungwon whispered and slowly closed his plump lips around his index finger, heat of the boy's mouth engulfing it.

He couldn’t contain a gasp at the action, heat travelling along his cheeks and remaining there like burning wax. Hoseok had no idea what to say or what to do. He had never been in a situation that was remotely similar to what was happening in front of his eyes. Sure, he’d had sex, and made out, but it was all very driven and was used to get his edge off upon mutual agreement. It hadn’t been like this. Not at all.

“I-” he whispered, staring up at the thick lips covering his finger, not able to say anything, nothing at all. Only the heat seemed to be active enough, travelling along his neck and centering somewhere in the middle of his body.

Hyungwon's eyes widened briefly and he let go, glancing to the side as blush spread over his pretty face, enough to be able to tell in the dark.

“I apologize, I should have asked first. I- don't know what has gotten into me,” the prince murmured and chewed on his bottom lip nervously. He seemed shocked by his own actions, chest rising and falling quickly.

_Holy fuck, Hoseok. Why are you both like this?_

“You said it’s not about those touches. What- what is it about then?” Hoseok inhaled sharply to get his shit together and leaned a little closer, grabbing the other man’s chin with thumb and index finger. “What is this about?”

Hyungwon's eyes widened even further, visibly shocked about being confronted.

 

“I- I don't know, Hoseok. I'm trying to figure it out. It's not only about the feeling of org- pleasure. It's not about that. That's not what remained in my memory the most, even if I have accepted what happened as a secret that I need to keep. I'm not meant to be sexually close and it is something I can bear, but I do wish to embrace you and-” He paused again, teeth settling on his bottom lip like they had never left, only adding to the dark red color. Hyungwon was gorgeous.

The anger about the other man thinking he had no right to be sexually close to anyone was forced to the back by the way the beautiful prince was looking at him.

_He wants to be close to you. Because he’s lonely too._

“I told you- I told you that you can embrace me and be close to me. I enjoy it and I miss it when we don’t see each other. You can have it all, Hyungwon. I will give you all of it,” he muttered, unable to remove his gaze from the big eyes.

_Why do you keep finding yourself in those situations where you want to kiss him? He’s not yours to kiss. That’s a different kind of close, Hoseok._

“But do you want it too?” Hyungwon asked and moved a little closer on his lap, proximity almost too much. Their faces were really close, each breath caressed his lips, like a preview of what he could have felt had he only bridged another centimeter. “You make me do strange things, Hoseok, but they seem right to me.”

_You’re the forbidden, right? That’s why it’s fun._

“Why am I making you? I just exist while being everything you’re not supposed to be.” He chuckled bitterly, situation suddenly clear as day to him.

“But you're not the first, there have been people trying to break my composure but- it wasn't difficult to resist, but with you it's- I can't do it.” It sounded like resignation as Hyungwon leaned forward again and rested his head on Hoseok’s shoulder, heartbeat hammering loudly against his chest. “You make me weak.”

_Doesn’t he have to be strong to fight? You’re making him weak._

“I- I don’t want to make you weak, but you can be weak with me. You can be whatever you like when you’re with me. We’re like black and white stones but- I still want you.” He closed his eyes and turned to the side, placing a soft kiss on the prince’s golden cheek, heartbeat picking up and getting unbearable.

“I-” The prince exhaled through his lips as he looked at him, lips pulling together a little bit as he brushed a stray strand of hair out of the way and returned the action. Soft lips touched his cheek, lingering for a little longer before disappearing again. “I think I want you too.”

_Bullshit._

He wanted to kiss him, so badly. His hands trembled around the other man’s waist, careful not to hurt him.

“You might think that. We have to go, Lucy is waiting,” Hoseok whispered and stood up, taking Hyungwon along until they both stood on their feet, still embracing.

“You're right,” the prince agreed and brushed through his black hair before rubbing his palms over his thighs, like they had become clammy from the situation. “I apologize if I have crossed a line, I'm still learning.”

Of course, his wiring broke and he curled his arm tighter around the other man’s waist and pulled him flush against his body, leaning in and kissing those gorgeous lips passionately. Counting to three to not lose his shit, he leaned back, heart threatening to jump out of his fucking ribcage.

“Crossing the line is my specialty,” he whispered against the parted mouth and let go, turning around and waiting for Hyungwon to follow.

_You’ll cross the line until there is none._

 

 __  
  
***

 

Memories were everywhere, they returned whenever something similar occurred and they popped up in front of the inner eye at the most random and unexpected moments.

It felt like Hyungwon's mind had chosen them selectively, erased all the regulations that he had known by heart for the past eighteen years and replaced them with doubts, contemptful glances and other people's misery.

It seemed like Hoseok and him were living in different worlds, one that was falling apart and forced people to suffer for greed and another that justified the greed with results, skin tone and the color of people's eyes.

It had been difficult to ignore how much dislike the people at the market had expressed towards Hyungwon as soon as their eyes met. The man who had pushed him to the side was the first one to express it openly.

_But you can't even be angry at him. He's right, you're taking away other people's chances to survive for the sake of your own wealth._

Hoseok and him were so different, like an Oracle and a new born child, someone who knew how to change the world for the better but couldn't while the other could but didn't know how. But the admiration that Hyungwon felt towards the black-haired man wasn't enough to explain his actions.

He had never wanted to hug somebody because he looked up to them. Never had he desired to brush over their soft cheek, to follow the curve of their lips. He had never desired to be so close that hands resembled small candle flames at his waist, travelling along the skin and stealing his breath away.

The palace wasn't as pure as it was meant to be, especially not among servants, but Hyungwon had never fallen into temptation. Not even once had he wished to act upon urges to touch or to be touched.

_But it's different with him, you can't help it._

It felt like he wasn't the crown prince next to Hoseok, instead he was an eighteen-year-old boy that struggled with the burden of loneliness and the small sparks of affection he had become addicted to. Hyungwon did things he would have never done, acting without prior agreement, wrapping his arms around the black-haired man and closing his lips around his index finger. It had been a mixture of curiosity and a sudden desire, the wish to feel the pale skin against his lips and inside his mouth, to know what it felt like.

It wasn't about his experience of orgasm and pleasure. He had enjoyed that greatly, but the feeling itself wasn't what returned to his mind, instead it was the images of his fingers against the other man's pale skin. The way he had followed the lines of the ink on Hoseok’s body, travelling and exploring it carefully, attempting to remember how it felt. The pleasure itself was a byproduct, an association that was present, but the images of Hoseok’s face, his lips, his expressions, the way he had watched him while keeping his mouth shut, were the ones that mattered. Those images were what remained inside his mind without allowing him to feel the peace and purity. It was inappropriate, independent of self-pleasuring and therefore not something he was able to solve on his own. It was there and wouldn't leave, making him weak and causing him to melt like snow in the black-haired man's arms.

_How can you become king if you act like this?_

As soon as Hoseok stood up, Hyungwon fought to return his composure, apologizing for his actions and the way he pushed himself onto the other man, unaware of personal space and how to bridge it appropriately.

Something in Hoseok’s gaze changed, a hint of the storm he had liked so much reappeared and he felt a strong arm curl tightly around his waist, pulling him flush against the other man’s muscular chest in an instant. Hoseok was strong, really strong. Licking over his pink lips, the black-haired man leaned forward, pressing his plump mouth against his lips, pulling a little at his bottom lip in the process, as if he wanted to taste him, to feel him while using his mouth.

His body burned up, sensation that resembled flowing water passing through his body and centering in his chest and groin. The kiss continued for a few seconds, heat travelling along his mouth to his face before it broke and Hoseok leaned back.

“Crossing the line is my specialty,” he whispered, licking over his lips once again and turning around.

Hyungwon's legs felt like jelly and his heart beat so furiously that he feared losing consciousness for a few seconds. Even though it had been brief, the warmth remained on his lips, like the black-haired man had left something of himself behind, continuously entrancing Hyungwon and his thoughts.

_He kissed you. He kissed you like a man kisses a woman._

It was a strange thought, like their roles weren't appropriate. Like Hyungwon had been placed into a theatre piece but the role that was given to him didn't match, neither with what he knew nor with what he believed to be right. His breaths were quick as Hoseok continued to increase the distance between them, unaware of the turmoil inside his head.

The black-haired man had called it crossing the line. Maybe he had wished to prove something, to show Hyungwon what crossing the line really looked like. His fingers were shaking as he reached up to his face and brushed along the surface of his bottom lip. It was soft and warm, but nothing seemed to have changed even though he felt like it did.

A kiss was intimate, a gesture shared by lovers, married couples, but not friends. A kiss was too private, too personal and unfitting of their roles. A kiss was something that Hoseok should have given to Yewon after their wedding, something that Lucy should have given to her lover of choice.

It- simply wasn't something to be shared between the future prince consort and the crown prince.

It wasn't, but still Hyungwon's lips tingled and he wished to return the sensation, to feel the warmth and the brief motion of the other man's mouth against his again. It had felt like the yearning Hyungwon lived through whenever he met the black-haired man's gaze amounted to this, to the desire of lips against his own.

_But why? Why would you desire something like that? Is it loneliness? Does a kiss bridge loneliness, more so than an embrace does?_

Hyungwon didn't know, instead he stared at his feet and begged his legs to not give out and to overcome the weakness and helplessness they felt at the situation. He was the crown prince, he was trained to overcome insecurity and new situations by making them his own. But Hyungwon also doubted that a crown prince had ever been kissed like a woman by a future prince consort outside of the palace. There was no rule book to follow, nothing.

Suddenly he felt warm fingers around his wrist, pulling him.

“We really need to go, Hyungwon. It’s getting late, why do you keep standing there?” Hoseok murmured and intertwined their fingers, dragging him somewhere.

“I- was in thought,” Hyungwon replied quietly and followed, still feeling unstable on his long legs. A glance at Hoseok’s face returned the feeling, followed by the knowledge that those curved lips he enjoyed watching had touched his briefly, in a kiss.

_But why did he kiss you? Is it not considered inappropriate? Is it also something that is done outside but not in the palace?_

Hoseok just walked, climbing down the hill until they reached the promenade that led along the river.

“We have to go along here for five minutes and then we’re there. Are you tired?” the black-haired man asked, leaning in to observe his face.

“No, I'm fine. I'm fitter than my build would suggest,” Hyungwon replied and glanced at the sky, disappointed by the lack of stars. It seemed like the kiss had brought awkwardness between them. As if the security of being able to hug the black-haired man was suddenly gone, just like the ability to speak his mind. Something had happened and Hyungwon couldn't place it. The kiss had felt good, so was it similar to an embrace?

“No, I mean, I did drag you through the black market and kissed you, so you must be overwhelmed and tired of this shit. That’s what I meant.” There were a few people coming their way, so Hoseok let his hand go, pushing both palms into the pockets of his jeans instead.

Hyungwon instantly missed the touch, entangling the fingers of his hands with each other instead.

“Why did you?” he asked quietly and pressed his lips together, instantly remembering the way it had felt and how the unfamiliar tingling had spread out throughout his body.

“Because I wanted to.” The other man looked to the side, where the river reflected the city skyline beautifully.

_Because he wanted to? Like you?_

“Did it- feel right?” Hyungwon asked again and swallowed, wondering what it meant for him. Why would a man wish to kiss another man? Had Hoseok gotten a particular impression of him? Was his behavior feminine and attractive? Hyungwon didn't know, he only knew his own response and it worried him, almost like his body was just as confused as the other man's.

“It did. I’m usually pretty convinced before I act,” the low voice replied before he could feel the other man’s gaze on his face. “Why? It didn’t feel right for you? I’m sorry, I should have asked.”

_Can you say the truth?_

It felt scary, like something that had to remain a secret, not only for the outside world, but for everybody involved.

_But he admitted to it, why can't you?_

“I'm- not sure. It felt warm and an unfamiliar sensation passed through my chest, turning my legs into jelly and stealing my breath away, almost like my body wished to melt. But- I don't know if it is meant to be this way,” he muttered and closed his eyes for a few seconds, scared of the consequences.

“Sounds nice, the way you describe it.” He saw a smile on the other man’s face as he licked his lips before looking to the side. Looking closer, he could see that the usually pale cheeks had gained color, looking more like a sun kissed apple, rose and blushed.

“You're beautiful like this, with color on your cheeks. It reminds me of when the peaches are ripe. It's my favorite time of the year.” The way Hoseok replied removed some of the pressure. It sounded like it was okay again, as if he was able to enjoy a kiss like that without repercussions. At least not from the man next to him. “Did… you like the way it felt?”

“You made me shy, congratulations. Yes, I liked it, I liked it a lot. I liked it so much that I had to count to three to not lose my mind and stop in time.” This time, the black-haired man stared at the ground in front of them, carefully walking on the paved way.

_He had to stop himself?_

Hyungwon resisted the urge to ask the other man why he had stopped if he wanted to continue and bit his lip to remain quiet. There was something intimate about them, about how they acted and embraced. He had never had a friend before, but something told him that the black-haired man didn't treat him like a friend, not really. He had never seen Hoseok kiss his best friend. Embraces and touches were understandable, but kissing was- it was deeper than that, more serious and also something that had ramifications.

Climbing up the hill, they walked a little further without talking before Hoseok stopped in front of a building and pressed one of the buttons. The door made a weird sound and they were let in. Lucy was waiting for them after the two flights of stairs, embracing Hoseok affectionately, but doing the exact same thing after seeing him.

“Ah, I’m so happy that you managed to come. I prepared the movie and the popcorn, so we can chill on the couch and talk. I just have to warn you that I was at uni until nine, so I’m a shell of myself and might fall asleep in the middle.” The black-haired girl waved them inside the small apartment.

It seemed strange to see another small place, much like the club had been with the only difference that a person used it as their home. There was furniture much like in movies Hyungwon had seen, but everything was kept close together and he wasn't sure if he could have performed a roundhouse kick had he wanted to.

“Why would you be at university until that late? Aren't there regulations on work time that it mustn't exceed eight hours?” he asked and let his hand brush over the couch, amazed by how soft it was. “Your couch is like a cloud.”

“Listen, Bunny, where did you find him? He’s the most adorable person on earth,” Lucy murmured in Hoseok’s direction before smiling really brightly and pushing him into the couch carefully. “Do you want something to drink, Won? I dig your black hair, but your pretty golden color looks more like spoiled milk because of the contrast. Almost like Hoseok.”

“Shut the fuck up,” the other man hissed from the kitchen before he walked in with big bowls filled with something and a bottle of brown liquid. It was similar to the one Hyungwon had drunk at the club.

“Is this coke?” he asked, remembering the name and the pleasant taste. The couch was really comfortable and he instantly felt like his body disappeared in the depths of the pillows, like quicksand in the desert. “I also appreciate my blonde hair, but I feel like ‘spoiled milk’ sounds a little insulting, doesn't it? Hoseok pointed out that we need to hide it because it is too recognizable outside.”

Hyungwon really wasn't used to others disliking pale skin, it was beyond unusual.

“Mhm, he has a point. He can’t be recognized, so it’s better to not gain attention. Are you sad because I said that you’re spoiled milk? I just really like the way your skin color, I didn't mean to insult you. Only Bunny,” she commented and grinned in Hoseok’s direction. The black-haired man let himself fall on top of the couch, basically squeezing him into the fabric and heaving his huge, muscular thigh on top of his lap.

“Yes, Bunny is stupid and looks like spoiled milk, and now let’s watch,” Hoseok murmured and shifted a little.

Hyungwon yelped at the sudden motion and the way he flew into the air a little bit because of the difference in their body mass.

“I think you're beautiful, like the moon at night, pearl white surrounded by shimmering blackness,” he pointed out and shifted so that he was not too close to the corner. Lucy also needed space, but instead of making space, the black-haired man lifted his legs and let them rest on Hyungwon’s lap, completely covering them with the heavy weight and their defined form.

“Stop making me blush, you ass,” Hoseok whispered and pinched his thigh. It hurt, so he yelped, attempting to escape but he couldn't with the weight on his legs. The black-haired man was so relaxed when he was with his friend.

“Oh wow, you are really good with words, Won. You must be popular,” Lucy commented and sat down on the big chair, letting her naked legs hang down from the armrest.

Hyungwon's eyes widened at the sight and he instantly turned his head to the TV screen, telling himself to not look away anymore for the sake of decency.

“I am not sure what you mean by popular, Lucy. There is not really anybody to be popular with. I just attempt to formulate my thoughts, no more no less.” Licking over his lips, he pushed at Hoseok’s legs to have the weight a little closer to his knees instead of on his groin, which the black-haired man ignored by not moving a single inch.

_This is torture._

“That’s okay, but you will be popular as soon as you meet someone you want to be popular with. So, this is my favorite gay movie, and Hoseok will hate me, but I don’t care, so have fun and don’t mind me crying,” the black-haired girl exclaimed and turned on the TV, pushing buttons and selecting the movie out of a DVD menu.

“Really man?” Hoseok took a huge pillow and stuffed it under his head to see better, muscular thighs still remaining on top of his lap. Why the other man decided to use him as a pillow for his legs was a mystery that Hyungwon couldn't solve.

“What's a gay movie?” he asked and leaned back, spreading his legs a little to get more comfortable and be able to bear the weight better. It was strangely intimate even though he was being used as a pillow.

_Maybe he likes the fact that you can't be the crown prince like this, you're just Won._

“Yeah, right. You have Bunny’s sense of humor.”

The titles started showing and the black-haired man finally lifted his legs from his lap, pouring a glass of coke for both of them. After taking a sip, Hoseok sat down, leaning closer and placing his head on top of his lap instead of his thighs.

Hyungwon froze for a few seconds, not expecting the contact, but didn't say anything. It was probably normal among friends, just like showing naked legs must have been meaningless outside. The position had its benefits as he was able to intertwine his right hand with the black strands of hair, brushing through them and enjoying how it felt. His eyes remained focused on the screen as he had promised himself.

Some time passed as the storyline progressed, featuring two friends who struggled through life together. It was beautiful and showed an amazing picture of a friendship. Hoseok still kept his head on top of his lap, caressing his knee while watching. It was fascinating to follow their interactions, and the way both individuals stared at each other for extended seconds reminded Hyungwon a lot of him and Hoseok, watching each other's faces while thinking about what to say or how to deal with the turmoil.

His hand continued to brush through the silky black hair and he felt goosebumps develop as both men were standing in an alley after a night out, one of them slightly beaten up. There was so much desperation that Hyungwon hoped that it would dissipate and they could solve their argument, understand each other and what they were continuously arguing about. The music suddenly stopped and one of the men dropped the plastic bag with beer he was holding as he grabbed the other person's face with both palms and-

_Kissed him._

Hyungwon's eyes widened and his muscles contracted at the sight, suddenly feeling like he had to run somewhere but he didn't even know where. It was a movie, something invented but he couldn't help the shock at the sight. Having two men kiss was even present in movies, something that could be found and watched if one wished to see. It was shocking, contrary to what Hyungwon had believed in and thought to be true. Of course, no one had told him about men not being allowed to kiss other men, but- it just wasn't normal. What was to be gained from it? There was no offspring, no marriage only- only a pleasant feeling.

_Like with you, it was pleasant when he kissed you, so pleasant that you wanted him to do it again._

He sucked his lips into his mouth and gasped, avoiding the screen as the kiss deepened and he saw one of the boys push his tongue into the other's mouth. His eyes fell on Lucy who was sleeping soundly on the chair, naked legs pulled up to her chest. His eyes instantly returned back to the TV where the touches escalated.

His breaths picked up and he wanted to avoid the sight and leave, but he couldn't, not with Hoseok’s head on top of his lap and he couldn't look away because he had to protect the decency of the girl next to him. The black-haired man shifted a little, rubbing his head against his thighs as the caresses on his knee continued, soft touches of the other man’s warm fingers, nothing more.

It was dangerous, very dangerous. Hyungwon could feel his heart hammering in his ears and his blood boil at the sight on the screen, the way one man pushed the other against the wall and placed kisses all over his body, pulling the shirt up and grazing the muscular chest with his teeth. The pale skin reminded Hyungwon of the way he had caressed Hoseok, long fingers travelling over the defined muscles and the gorgeous black lines of ink. His mind was a traitor, supplying images that he responded to without mercy, forcing him to gasp. His face was burning and so was his groin, almost identical to the way it had back then, in the privacy of the black-haired man's bedchambers.

He panicked and closed his eyes, unable to calm himself and feeling his own thighs tremble under Hoseok’s head. The other man seemed calm, unaffected compared to Hyungwon's dilemma and the way his groin throbbed like someone had purposefully set it on fire.

There was shuffling on his lap again as Hoseok turned and stared up.

“Are you okay?” he whispered, eyes wide and pink cheeks looking really pretty.

“Y-yeah,” Hyungwon stuttered and was surprised by how rough his own voice sounded, even lower than usual. Every time the other man moved on his lap, he was forced to hold his breath to remain quiet and to hide the way his body responded to the scenes on the screen. It was strange and shouldn't have been the case. The pictures were sexual, but an unusual type of sexual. What made them effective were the experiences that Hyungwon's mind associated with them.

“Sure?” Hoseok’s lips parted as he looked up at him again, black hair spread over his thighs and ocean-blue eyes shining in the barely lit room. Hyungwon wanted to touch him, so bad, to slide his hands over his pale skin and make him hiss the way he had before. His mind instantly blurred and he curled his hands into fists, letting go of the gorgeous black strands.

“No,” he whispered and closed his eyes again. He breathed through his mouth, trying to calm down.

“Does the movie make you uncomfortable? The scene is almost over,” Hoseok whispered and he felt a warm palm stroke along his cheek. It felt nice and only increased the wish to be closer, to embrace and to inhale the other man's scent.

“No, not really, only-” He stopped talking and shifted his hips, attempting to arrange the tight jeans so that it was more comfortable but it only got worse as Hoseok lifted his head and placed it back on his lap, right on top of his groin.

_Oh no._

“Aaah.” The black-haired man opened his mouth, before moving to the side. “That’s fine.”

“It's- fine?” Hyungwon didn't understand anything, he just wanted to return to a functional and calm state, far from the burning, gasping mess he was. The way the black-haired man had brushed over his lower body felt good, but he didn't want to admit it, not with the little self-control he possessed in such situations.

“I thought something was wrong, but it’s just you reacting to the sex scene. Well, they haven’t shown the sex yet. Ah there.” The other man pointed at the TV.

_It's normal? But why does it feel like burning hell to you?_

Hyungwon followed the beautifully formed pale finger and couldn't tell whether he regretted it or not. Both men had bliss written over their faces as they moved together, one holding up the legs of the other and pushing himself against him. Hyungwon had enough knowledge of human anatomy to reconstruct the rest, eyes widening and air remaining stuck in his throat.

“Oh my god,” he whispered, even though he never used such words.

“Yeah, they made it seem so real. The actors are really good, I can tell you that’s exactly how it is,” Hoseok muttered, gesturing with his index finger and explaining the ‘well reenacted’ reality.

_It's a movie, they don't actually do it._

Unless it was a movie that depicted a possible situation in reality. But why was Hoseok able to tell whether it was real or not? Unless-

_Unless he did it before._

“You- you have slept with a man before?” Hyungwon asked bluntly and instantly covered his lips with his palm, hoping that he could remain silent the rest of the night and spare himself inappropriate conversations.

Hoseok turned to look at him instantly, staring at him with his comically widened eyes, gaze a mixture of storm and vulnerability. A few moments passed before he spoke.

“What would change depending on my answer?”

Hyungwon thought about that. He didn't know any man who had slept with another, neither in the palace nor outside. He hadn't even been aware that it was possible, or desirable or even something that others considered for their pleasure. The men on the screen looked like they enjoyed it, like it felt good, but it should have hurt. Hyungwon couldn't imagine an action that was not designed by evolution being pleasurable like that. It was a little scary, just like his own reaction to the sight.

“You would be the first man I know who has, and I might ask you questions unless you feel uncomfortable and do not want me to,” Hyungwon replied and bit his lip, glancing away to get rid of the desire to touch the other man and feel the curved mouth against his. The longer they looked at each other, the worse it became.

“I have,” was the short answer, as the storm became clearer in the ocean-blue eyes that stared up at him.

Hyungwon's eyes widened and he gasped, involuntarily imagining Hoseok in the position of one of the men on the screen, pleasuring another that way. It was strange, a thought that pulled at his insides and made him shift on the couch.

“Doesn't-” He inhaled again to calm his breathing, body trembling. It was impossible for Hoseok to miss it. “Doesn't it hurt?” he forced out, sound low.

“I’d never do anything that would hurt another person.” The answer was fast, blue eyes not letting Hyungwon go, not even for a split second. “It’s- rather enjoyable as far as I can tell.”

“But- evolution, it hasn't prepared the male body for- for this, has it?” he asked again and ignored the action on the screen as well as he could, low gasps of the actors involved filling the room. Hyungwon felt like he was going crazy.

“Prepared? Humans are taking care of what evolution didn’t manage. And it’s not for getting offspring, so yeah, it’s not according to your marriage and babies plan. But it’s there and it’s possible and enjoyable nevertheless.” Hoseok moved his head, as if on purpose, brushing over his groin. “Also, wait for the oral scene, you will learn more about how humans trick evolution.”

An unfamiliar sound left his lips at the other man's motion and Hyungwon closed his mouth with his palm instantly, hoping to contain any further gasps or embarrassing expressions of the way he felt.

“I know oral, I'm not a child,” he mumbled against his own palm, belatedly realizing how embarrassing that was. His groin felt like it was insisting on his attention and he just wanted to close his eyes and faint or beg for the other man's attention.

_No, you won't. It's inappropriate, you're meant to endure._

“Wow, your majesty, then you must know that it has exactly zero evolutionary advantage, besides that it feels fucking amazing. Not that you would know, but just trust me there.” Hoseok smiled and sat up unexpectedly, pulling him on top of his lap by the grip on his wrists. “Any further questions?”

He blushed immediately, body way too sensitive to being touched and a gasp escaped his plump lips despite the palm that covered them.

“Well- I-” Hyungwon felt a little dumb, like his argumentation made sense inside his head but not as soon as the words left his lips. Of course, sexual practices were also for the sake of pleasure, but offspring was the main goal, wasn't it? “I know that there is no evolutionary advantage, but the ultimate goal is still- having children, isn't it? So why…”

“It’s not the ultimate goal. Because people like each other and want to be close, independent of offspring.” Warm palms rested on top of his thighs and the ocean-blue eyes stared up at him from under Hoseok’s black hair.

_Even if they are men? Is it also love?_

Hyungwon couldn't imagine that romantic feelings between men were possible. It seemed unnatural, more so than being sexually close. But he also didn't know, so many things that didn't happen in the palace were common outside and plenty occurred in secret, even if servants tried to hide it. Pleasurable encounters happened all the time, Hyungwon had seen the palace at night often enough to tell.

“I feel like I'm falling apart,” he whispered and squeezed his legs together, unable to do so completely because of the way he sat on top of the other man's lap. His mind was working in slow motion, each thought coming in slowly and breaking with each shift of his hips. The hands on his thighs felt good and Hyungwon wished that they would touch him more, even though he shouldn't have.

“Why? Did I distract you from the movie?” Hoseok asked and let his hands slide down his thighs slowly.

Hyungwon's lips parted and he exhaled roughly, so loud that it echoed through the room. It shocked him, especially since they weren't alone, so he covered his mouth again, with both hands this time. He shouldn't have, but he still wanted Hoseok to continue, to stroke over his waist and body the way he had before. But he couldn't say it, not without losing his dignity and a feeling for what was appropriate. He had promised himself not to, but his body was stronger, ignoring every attempt to calm down.

“You're burning me down again, with the same urgency,” he whispered against his fingers and rubbed his lower body over Hoseok’s thighs, hoping that it wasn't too bold.

The other man’s gaze gained intensity, blush spreading over his pale cheeks while he was looking up at him.

“Do you want me to touch you, Hyungwon?” he asked, voice quiet and only meant for him to hear.

_Is it weak to admit?_

It felt like it, but at the same time the black-haired man had told him that he could be weak with him, that he was allowed to let go without wearing a mask that wasn't him.

Crawling a little closer, Hyungwon removed both palms hesitantly and wrapped his arms around Hoseok’s neck, fingers instantly brushing through the silky strands. It felt so good, so impossible good, even though he wasn't doing anything yet, merely staring at those stormy eyes that slowly turned black as time passed. His breaths were ragged and he could see Hoseok blink whenever he exhaled into his face, lips remaining parted and body tingling from the images that filled his mind alone.

_It's okay, it's okay as long as nobody finds out, Hyungwon._

“Please,” he whispered.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you want to kiss me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> 

He had gotten bold. There had been no careful consideration when he kissed the prince's lips next to the river. He had also made no attempts at hiding the fact that he had slept with other men. He was crazy. Completely nuts.

_Why would you tell him that? Doesn't it suffice that he knows all of your weaknesses? What are you doing by presenting everything to the future king? He will be king, Hoseok. And you'll be the first one to rot in jail._

It made sense, it really did, but he couldn't stay away. He wasn't able to, wanting to attach his lips to the other man's plump ones and give him everything he asked for.

_Since when are you so weak?_

Since he had felt the careful exhales against his neck, the way Hyungwon had rested his head on top of his shoulder and since he had tasted those thick, red lips. Hyungwon's gaze when he looked at him forced longing to spread inside his chest. It replaced everything that had been there before.

_You like him, don't you?_

He was stupid, telling the princess that he was not in any way involved with the prince, while slowly stepping into the sea of lead, led by the blonde man's gorgeous skin, his signs of affection, the nice words, while ignoring how his legs had gotten heavier until he wasn't able to get out anymore, sinking and becoming one with the heavy lead.

Hyungwon wanted to be touched, aroused by the movie scenes and eager for his hands, begging right into his face.

_You don't want to get out, do you?_

“Let's go somewhere else,” he whispered, perfectly aware of his best friend sleeping next to them. He let Hyungwon slip off his lap and took a blanket, covering Lucy with it and making sure she was lying comfortably. Grasping the warm hand, he led the prince to Lucy's room, opening the door and easily locking it behind himself. He knew the apartment better than his own body.

Finally, he looked at Hyungwon who was breathing heavily and pulling at the fabric of the cotton t-shirt Hoseok had lent him. The prince seemed at a loss and unsure about what to do with himself, jeans visibly tight and red lips pulled into his mouth.

“Will it be fine?” he asked carefully, watching Hoseok with big eyes. “I do not wish to coerce you into something that you have no desire to do.”

“You fool,” he hissed and closed the distance, pushing the slim body against the closed door and attaching his lips to the delicate skin of his neck. He had almost gone all out, pressing his hips against the prince's lower body, but reminded himself that those kinds of actions were from his life outside the palace.

Hyungwon moaned, sound loud and clear as he threw his head to the side, rubbing over the wooden surface. The boy's neck was a gorgeous golden color and he was presenting it all for Hoseok to see and touch, gasping erratically. The prince's palms were caught between their bodies and held onto his shirt.

He kissed along the jugular until the ear, licking over the other man's pretty ear lobe once and used his hands to brush over Hyungwon's arms, freeing them by moving back his hips.

The beautiful man instantly curled them around his neck, brushing over his arms and shoulders, like he couldn't get enough of his skin. Fingers entangled with the strands of his hair and pulled a little as the other man gasped and pushed his hips forward subconsciously.

_Fuck._

Hoseok hissed, licking over his lips repeatedly and curling his fingers around the prince's narrow hips. His hands were eager to touch the other man's naked skin, slipping under the black t-shirt and tracing his lean stomach hungrily.

Hyungwon's breaths were irregular, the prince attempted to remain quiet by holding the air in his lungs only to give up and whimper again, back pressed flat against the door which held most of his weight. The long fingers slipped under the collar of Hoseok’s t-shirt and caressed the skin of his back, scratching a little whenever he did something that the tall boy enjoyed. The prince was so responsive, eyes fluttering shut easily.

“I- want to touch you too,” he murmured and bit his bottom lip, blush only increasing and spreading along his neck. It was even more obvious with the black hair.

“Do it, if you want to,” he whispered, closing his lips around a collarbone and kissing up the boy's neck. It felt so different, urgent and not like experimenting. It seemed as if they needed to touch each other to be able to breathe.

There was a quick nod as Hyungwon stroked over his arms and hips and finally slipped his hands under his t-shirt. The other man's eyes widened at the contact like it overwhelmed him, touch careful and light, like a feather until he finally dared to apply pressure and brush over his nipple. The plump, red bottom lip was pulled into his mouth as the prince watched him intently, body visibly shaking.

He moaned quietly, shivering at the touch before he continued the path of his hands that slid over Hyungwon's beautifully smooth skin.

“I feel like- my legs will give out. Your skin feels like heaven, Hoseok. I wish I could see the lines that complete it,” the prince whispered and leaned in, placing a careful kiss to Hoseok’s shoulders while breathing out roughly through his nose, tickling him. “I don't mean to pressure you. I do not know if I'm asking too much, whether this is even acceptable. I don't know, my mind is leaving me and I can barely keep myself upright.”

“Let's go to the bed.” He moved back and took Hyungwon's hand, pulling him towards the comfy French style bed he had used countless times. It smelled more like home than the bed at his parents’ house. As soon as Hyungwon sat down on the edge, he stepped closer and took off his shirt, revealing his naked skin, covered in thick lines of ink.

“You can tell me everything you like. I want you to be honest with me. Just say whatever you think. It's easier like that.”

There was a small nod as the prince appeared captivated by the sight of his body, hands reaching out hesitantly and tracing the geometric pattern on his stomach that continued upwards. Hyungwon was thorough, following every line with his fingertips and eyes, ice blue disappearing the more the seconds ticked by. Dipping his beautifully golden fingers into his tight jeans, the prince pulled him a little closer before glancing up at him.

“May I-” The other man swallowed, like he struggled with speaking his mind openly. “May I trace the lines with my tongue?”

_The chandelier should've killed you._

“Yes. Yes please,” he breathed out, hands shaking in the air as he reached out to stroke over the beautiful man's neck, tracing his jaw and the line of his thick lips.

Hyungwon swallowed before leaning in and attaching his red lips to the spot right above his navel. It was brief, barely detectable like the other man was exploring, unfamiliar with the sensation of warm skin against his lips. The prince continued to hold onto his hips, using his second hand to help as he stretched out his tongue and licked along one of the thick lines that curved above his navel upwards to his ribs. The sensation was hot, accompanied by rough exhales, air that cooled the slightly moist skin.

He moaned quietly, hissing as soon as the other man's tongue brushed over an especially sensitive spot. He felt his arousal build up, but it was different from the way it normally worked. He didn't want to flip the prince and bury himself inside his body. It was way more. He wanted to look at him, feel his lips and tongue all over his skin, see how the pupil took up all the space and touch the other man's golden skin, taste it, taste him, feel him. It was so much more than sexual.

The hot tongue continued, following each line religiously like he was unwilling to leave even the smallest inked spot untouched. There was a second of hesitation when Hyungwon reached his chest. A few soft breaths grazed it until he felt plump lips close around a nipple, tongue rubbing over it carefully.

“Oh god,” he moaned, throwing his head back, and sunk his fingers in the soft strands of Hyungwon's black-painted hair, pulling a little. There was a soft whimper, vibrating along the sensitive bud as the prince followed the motion and licked over his nipple again, playing with it a little until he let go.

“Do you… enjoy this?” he asked before leaning in again and rolling the bud over his tongue. He was attentive, big eyes watching each motion of his body, in an effort to understand.

“Yes, I enjoy everything you're doing to me,” Hoseok replied, before his speech was interrupted by another moan. He was really sensitive and hadn’t really expected the prince to touch him. “I want to kiss you,” he whispered out of the blue.

Hyungwon looked up, slowly allowing the sensitive nipple to part with his lips and licking over the glistening surface. He was so beautiful.

“Is it- is it okay to kiss?” he asked and pulled a little at Hoseok’s jeans again, so that he stood between the prince's legs. He only needed to lean down if he wanted to connect their lips.

“Do you want to kiss me?” Hoseok asked, moving forward slowly and forcing the prince to lean back until his back touched the sheets.

He could see the way Hyungwon swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing and slim chest rising and falling rapidly.

“I- I do, I really do, I wanted you to do it again after you did it the first time, but it just didn't make sense to me. I couldn't understand why I would feel that way, but I do, I really want you to, please,” the prince babbled suddenly, pulling at his jeans with his fingers like he wanted him even closer.

_He wanted to kiss?_

Hoseok's thoughts were battling each other, but in the end, there was just Hyungwon, lying under him, looking so incredibly tender, so beautiful, raw, like a rare, black river stone, shining under the moonlight that came in through the window.

He stared into the big eyes, only a tiny ice-blue ring remaining around the extended pupil and lips a bright red. He inhaled and took time to close the distance, to exhale against the plump mouth letting their noses touch briefly and holding the gaze until it was too torturous and he connected their lips. It felt so good, so soft, like kissing a cloud. Moving his lips along Hyungwon's, he felt like flying. From the inside.

The prince whimpered into the kiss and wrapped his arms around him, holding him impossibly close, like he was afraid of parting. The big eyes were shut, eyelashes throwing beautiful shadows on the boy's cheeks as he slowly parted his plump lips, deepening the kiss on his own. Fingers intertwined with his hair, pulling a little bit without being rough.

Hyungwon tasted like popcorn and coke. Like a coconut kiss, like an ice cream flavor he could eat every day, if he had liked food that is. Licking over the prince's bottom lip, he exhaled sharply at the feeling. It felt crazy, simply crazy.

“It seems like- burning to ash and being reborn as a phoenix must feel similar to this,” the prince whispered and licked over his bottom lip, followed by his upper lip and a gentle press of lips.

“It's like jumping out of the window, but being able to fly,” he whispered back, and lowered his body on top of the other man slowly, flexing the muscles of his arms and back to not squish him. His lips brushed over Hyungwon's plump ones until he parted them with his tongue and licked into the warm mouth.

He caught a moan, vibrating against his curved lips. The prince's hot tongue met his, returning the kiss without hesitation. He wasn't experienced but he followed his motions carefully, licking into his mouth when he was invited and gasping softly. Long fingers pulled at his hair as their groins brushed, accompanied by an even louder moan as Hyungwon threw his head back and trembled.

He loved the feeling of Hyungwon's tongue playing with his own and exploring his mouth. He loved the feeling of the prince's thick lips sucked into his mouth as he automatically rolled his hips a tiny bit.

The response was immediate as the boy broke the kiss and threw his head to the side, whole body shivering at the sensation and hands pulling Hoseok closer. His mouth was open as he panted roughly, eyes unfocused and erection twitching against his groin.

_You can't be creating any mess, you have to go back and climb walls and everything._

He gasped at his sense of responsibility and licked over his lips while contemplating a solution.

“I want to touch you. I want to taste your skin with my lips and tongue, may I?” he asked, resting his weight on one elbow and attaching his lips to the skin of Hyungwon's neck.

“You may,” the prince replied. His voice was low and strained, like he struggled with the state of his body, shivers only increasing the more Hoseok blessed him with kisses and touches.

He crawled down, pulling the black t-shirt up and sucked on one of the pretty-looking nipples. They were gorgeous, small and dark in color. Hoseok let his tongue play with the tiny bud, brushing over it repeatedly.

Hyungwon moaned loudly, sound echoing through the room and legs attempting to pull together. The other man's hands tugged at his hair, urging him to continue. It was an exhilarating sight, something rare and meaningful. The blush that spread over the prince's beautiful body was mesmerizing, covering his face and neck while travelling a little lower as time passed.

_Gorgeous. He's so fucking gorgeous._

Exhaling sharply at the arousing reaction, he repeated the motion before travelling down over Hyungwon's stomach until the top of his jeans. Slipping down from the bed and kneeling in between the prince's legs, he hooked his fingers under the waistband of the other man's jeans.

“I want to touch you. Can I?”

Hyungwon's eyes were wide as he lifted up on his elbows and breathed heavily, watching him between his legs like he failed to comprehend it was really happening.

“What- do you wish to do? Do you plan on touching me there?” he asked and swallowed, arousal painfully obvious and long legs trembling the more seconds passed. Hyungwon was so sensitive, twitching at the mere thought of what Hoseok might do.

Licking over his lips, he let both hands travel up and down the lean, jeans-clad thighs until he looked up from under his black bangs and nodded.

“D- do it then,” the prince whispered and held his breath, eyes not leaving his face for even a second.

Hoseok let both hands meet at the prince's crotch and opened the button of his jeans Hyungwon was wearing, pulling the zipper down in a smooth movement. He didn't want to give the other man much time to think and slipped one hand into the tight underwear and freed his pretty, long erection. He curled his fingers around it and let them slide up and down once, applying pressure to the tip.

The motion instantly broke Hyungwon's composure as he almost screamed and let himself fall to the bed, hands gripping the sheets and pulling at them desperately. The gorgeous man moaned with an open mouth, unable to control himself as he lifted his hips subconsciously to meet the strokes of Hoseok’s hand.

It was so incredibly hot, Hoseok wanted to see and hear it every day.

_But you should take him into your mouth._

Moisturizing his lips, Hoseok leaned in and licked over Hyungwon's leaking tip before he took him into his mouth, easily sliding down and back up while tightening his lips around the pretty length.

There was a gasp followed by a scream as he felt the prince contract the muscles in his legs at the sensation. Blunt nails scratched over the sheets above his colored, black hair and incoherent words spilled from Hyungwon's plump lips in addition to rough moans. His slim hips repeatedly thrust upwards.

_He's almost there._

Twirling his tongue around the tip, Hoseok let Hyungwon thrust into his mouth and tightened his lips for the other man, feeling the erection twitch repeatedly.

“Oh my god- H- Hoseok,” Hyungwon almost yelled as his body convulsed and he released himself inside Hoseok’s mouth, hips still moving a little to ride out the orgasm and hands pulling the sheets off the mattress at the pleasure. Harsh breaths left the boy's red lips as he attempted to calm down, blinking repeatedly.

He sucked up, making sure to not make a mess and let the length slip out of his mouth, tucking everything back into the tight underwear and closing the jeans.

_Lucy told you to make sure you don't suck the prince's dick, but here you are._

Licking his lips again, he stroked over Hyungwon's thighs and smiled, grabbing his shirt from the carpet next to the bed and pulling it over his half naked body.

“No- wait,” Hyungwon muttered and sat up, eyes wide and chest still rising and falling rapidly. “You- you responded too, didn't you?” he asked and slowly stretched out his hand, teeth settling on his bottom lip.

“I did, how can I not? Look at yourself.” He chuckled. “Now you know how oral feels without reading up on it.”

The prince glanced to the side, visibly embarrassed as the blush only increased on his face.

“I meant-” he began and slowly pulled his hand back, obviously uncomfortable. “You said to say what I want and think and I desire to aid you as well, but I do not know what you enjoy, neither do I have experience on what you consider pleasurable, so...I hoped you would tell me.”

_He wants to touch you? That's new._

“I like a lot of different things. It would make me happy if you would do what you feel like doing, you know? Just like I felt the urge to touch you the way I did, so you can do the same without thinking much whether you know how to do it. I- I just really enjoy being close to you.” Leaning closer, he kissed the prince's plump lips softly.

“But- you know how to evoke org- you know, but I do not, how can I tell?” the prince whispered, crawling a little closer and tugging at his shirt, wanting to get it out of the way.

_Does he think that you're some kind of orgasm guru?_

He took off his shirt first and stood up from in between the prince's legs, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to the other man.

“You want to make me orgasm? Touch me, it's easy.”

Ice-blue eyes stared at him, wide and unsure until Hyungwon slowly moved down from the bed and crawled in between Hoseok’s legs, licking over his lips a few times. Reaching for his jeans carefully, the prince undid the button and lowered the zipper, staring at him intently.

“May I… trace the other lines as well?” he asked hesitantly and swallowed audibly.

“Please,” he whispered back and spread his legs a little, size of his erection making it uncomfortable to sit in tight pants.

Hyungwon inhaled slowly as he mentally prepared himself and reached for his jeans, pulling them and his underwear down his muscular thighs. It was all very slow and hesitant, the inner battle evident on his face, tugging only to stop and take another breath before tugging again. When his jeans reached his knees, the ice-blue eyes met his again. They were ridiculously wide, like Hyungwon wasn't quite sure how he felt about the sight, breaths ragged and fingers trembling uncontrollably.

“Do you- have more tattoos than this?” he asked carefully and placed a kiss on top of one of the lines on his right thigh, touch careful and warm.

“You must've seen them when I ran around naked last time, in case you didn't close your eyes that is.” Reaching for the black-colored hair, he stroked over it gently. “You know that you don't have to do anything, right? There are no rules and no responsibilities when you're with me.”

“I know,” was the quiet reply as Hyungwon glanced away, swallowing again. “I know, I also know that you do not expect me to do anything, but- I want to. I want to touch your skin and trace it with my tongue and be able to make you feel good too.” Hot fingers stroked along his thigh and followed the lines of his tattoos until the prince inhaled once more and attached his lips to the thick lines, following them with his tongue, all the way up to his hip bone and back down. His hands remained on top of his muscular thighs, rubbing over them hesitantly. Hyungwon seemed fascinated by the ink on his skin, tracing every line he could find with his plump lips and burning tongue.

Hoseok hissed and moaned quietly at the feeling of the hot muscle moving over his skin like a tiny flame of a candle, or drops of wax, drying right after.

“This feels crazy,” he breathed out, head thrown back before focusing his gaze back on the man between his legs. The prince. His royal highness. Fuck.

“For me too,” the boy with black hair murmured against his skin before he grazed his teeth over his thigh lightly. The other man's right hand travelled upwards until it found a nipple and rolled it between index finger and thumb. “Is this- okay?”

He had no time to reply, as his mouth opened and a moan left his lips, sounding so desperate and unlike himself. It was weird, he was weird.

Hyungwon gasped at the sound, visibly overwhelmed as his eyes widened and he paused his motions, only to continue again, rubbing over his nipple while glancing between his legs in shock.

“Does it make you uncomfortable? You- don't have to look, I just can't help reacting if you touch me,” he whispered and felt how he twitched at the pressure against his nipple. “I can touch myself.” Reaching between his legs, he curled his fingers around his painfully hard erection, moving his hand up and down once and spreading the precum over his tip.

The prince gasped, watching intently and pausing his ministrations all together.

“Does it- feel better when someone else does it?” he asked and licked his lips, chest heaving with each inhale.

“It does. If I want the person to touch me, then it does.” Biting down on his lower lip, Hoseok hissed at the feeling as he applied a little more pressure, exhaling loudly.

Hyungwon's fingers resumed their motion as they brushed over his nipple and pulled a little bit, not too much before the other man rolled it again. The prince didn't dare look away, eyes focused on his face and switching back and forth between the motions of his hand and his expression of bliss.

“So- I am somebody who you want to be touched by?” Hyungwon asked quietly as his free hand slowly made its way towards his groin, stroking over his thigh and rubbing along his hip bone.

“You are, damn it, I feel like burning alive because I want you to,” he murmured, there was no hope of stopping now. Hoseok wanted him. So badly.

There was a gasp and a brief nod as long fingers curled around his own hesitantly, following the motion as Hyungwon exhaled roughly, overwhelmed by the sight and the sensation.

Hoseok let go and curled Hyungwon's fingers around his length while using his hand to show the other man the movements. The long, golden fingers tightened around him just the way he showed by applying pressure and slowly slid upwards, pulling his foreskin up and back down, especially tight at the tip.

He let go and propped himself up on both arms, moaning at the sensation of Hyungwon's fingers around his length. It felt entirely overwhelming, the blue eyes that stared at him and the parted lips he really wanted to kiss.

The prince focused on his face without glancing away for even a second. It seemed like he was reading his responses, applying a little more pressure when he gasped louder and increasing speed when he began to thrust into his hand.

“You are beautiful like this,” the low voice murmured as hot kisses were placed on his thighs and Hyungwon's free hand brushed over his hip bone before rubbing his nipple.

“You-” he started but wasn't able to finish, erection twitching in the other man's hand as he flexed the muscles in his thighs and abdomen and released himself over his stomach with a loud moan of his name, harsh breaths spilling from his lips.

He felt the prince's hand jerk at the way he had twitched in his hand and let go, not quick enough to avoid the result of his orgasm. Black hair stuck to the other man's forehead and some of the color wore off through the contact with sweat, showing a little bit of gold underneath. His eyes were large as they stared at Hoseok, not moving his hand that was partially covered in cum.

_He's probably freaked out, get a grip, it's not a hookup._

Reaching for Lucy's bedside drawer, he pushed all the sextoys to the side until he found the wet tissues and took some out, wiping the prince's palm first, before taking care of his body.

“Oh my fucking god,” he whispered and threw the tissues away, pulling Hyungwon up and letting him slide over his naked lap. There was a loud gasp and palms attached to his chest, applying a little bit of pressure as the other man met his gaze, still not saying a single word.

“Are you- are you okay?” He removed his hands from the thin waist and looked up. Hyungwon nodded and led his hands back to his waist, like he felt calmer that way. Long arms wrapped around his neck and the prince rested his head on his shoulder, breathing quietly.

“It was beautiful. The way you were close to me. Thank you,” Hoseok murmured and kissed Hyungwon's golden cheek, knowing that they didn't have much time.

“You were beautiful, I see your face in front of me when I close my eyes, like an image that returns, bright and vivid.” The prince tightened his grip and inhaled his scent, exhales calming down a little.

He didn't say anything and embraced the gorgeous man, burying his head in the warm skin of his neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent. He had to hold himself back from kissing the plump lips, from saying what he thought, from facing the truth.

It was quiet when he kissed Lucy's forehead and left the small apartment, walking back along the river, fallen leaves framing the way for them and announcing that winter wasn't far. It was silent, they didn't talk. Only warm fingers intertwined with his and held onto his hand tightly, reminding him of the presence of another person.

_What is this about? What is happening between you two?_

He was positive that the prince's behavior was pleasure related, exploring and experimenting with his own sexuality that the palace tried really hard to suppress.

_But it's not everything. There's more, isn't there?_

He brushed over the bruise on Hyungwon's hand, remembering how the prince had hurt himself multiple times, be it out of responsibility or out of worry for him, almost dying just to bring him medication that he already owned. He wasn't used to being cared about, there had always been only one person and it felt different with Lucy.

_It almost seems as if he likes you too._

It was ridiculous and made no sense. There was no reason for the beautiful, blonde boy to like him. He was a man, muscular and inked, breaking rules and mocking the palace and its rules of conduct. He was everything Hyungwon was not.

_Maybe it excites him? You're this rebel and it's fun to watch how you struggle in this prison, like a fish caught in the net, wiggling to free itself, thinking that there's an opportunity to escape, while the fishermen watch and laugh._

When they had climbed over the high walls and reached the door where they parted, he looked at the prince's ice-blue eyes, so beautiful and filled with something very raw and vulnerable. Not holding back, he hid his hands in the pockets of his jeans and leaned forward, kissing Hyungwon's soft lips, quietly hoping that the moment would never end while counting to three. It was the palace and he didn't care about the consequences for him, but there was the prince and he cared about the blonde boy. He cared so much that it hurt.

_It'll hurt more, won't it? There's no way out._

 

 

 

***

 

 

A smile passed over rigid features, polite but not reaching the eyes. There were two different faces, one that pretended to be friendly, showing spread lips and rising corners of the mouth and another that consisted of cold eyes and judgmental furrowing of the eyebrows.

Hyungwon knew the expression too well, it was the same each time he entered the throne hall, encountering his father, the king, seated and sorting through possible candidates for a queen. He was never satisfied.

The hall was beautiful, one of Hyungwon's favorites because of the crystal that covered most of the surfaces, reflecting the light beautifully and making the whole room appear like being seated among the stars. It was mesmerizing and if the encounters with his father had only positive outcomes, he would have loved to see the spacious room more often.

_Someday you will be doing the same, glancing around the hall from the throne with a split in your face._

The thought was a scary one.

“How can the lineage have degenerated to this degree? Only mixes and barely acceptable combinations of features. It is a disgrace,” the elderly man exclaimed, crown positioned slightly askew on his head. Hyungwon wished to correct it, but it was inappropriate and not something he should have considered doing.

He had been terrified before entering the hall, worried about all his recent experiences being visible on his face and body, all the times he had broken the rules of imperial conduct appearing on his forehead in red writing like a stigma. But it didn't. Instead of confronting him with his inadequacies, the king observed him carefully and pursed his lips in distaste.

“It's almost as if they know what you look like,” was the additional comment before the king returned his attention to his lists. Each sheet of paper harbored the information of a lady of nubile age, not too old to be a disgrace for the kingdom and fulfilling the required features.

_He means your skin._

The comment hurt but Hyungwon didn't allow it to show, keeping his features static and polite as was expected of him. A brief nod of approval followed until the king shifted on his throne and stared at Hyungwon for a little longer.

_He might have forgotten your appearance. He cannot tell, it's invisible. He has been busy for months; the glances are meaningless._

Despite the rational thoughts his heartbeat picked up and he had to hold his breath to not be obvious. He was the crown prince and meant to be sure and confident, aware of his actions and his decisions and ready to protect his dignity.

_But how would you explain your actions? He wouldn't understand. It's forbidden, just like affection and bodily contact. It will make you weak._

Suddenly his training made more sense to him, the reason why he was almost shaking in front of his father from the fear of being found out. Acting with dignity resulted in never doing anything that deserved judgement. There was nothing to fear if rules had never been broken. Hyungwon wouldn't be terrified if he had followed the rules of conduct.

_But who decides them? Can one person decide what is right for everybody else?_

Hyungwon struggled with the notion, especially after seeing Lucy cry because of what was being forced on her. She yearned for a different life and different values that made her happy. It was reasonable that there was no problem with her wishes as long as she didn't hurt anybody else in fulfilling them.

“Are you scared, Hyungwon?” the low voice above him asked suddenly, eyes remaining focused on his throughout his mental fight.

“No, your majesty,” he replied briefly and forced himself to hold the gaze, not glancing away until he was given the sign that he could.

“Then why are you shaking?”

His breath hitched and he pressed his palms flat to his thighs to keep them still, to stop them from revealing his dissatisfaction with what was happening outside the palace. He had to think of Anthony, a man who was forced to work illegally in order to survive despite having a valuable skill and being a part of society.

“I am merely excited at the prospect of finally meeting my future queen,” he replied and relaxed his shoulders a little.

There was a loud laugh as the king leaned back and rested his head on his palm, watching him in amusement.

“Of course you are, you are so young after all.” Again, the king chuckled before dismissing him to leave with a sure gesture of his hand. “Don't worry, there must be someone suitable, even among all this disgrace.”

But for some reason that was the last thing Hyungwon wished for.

 

_

 

When the door to his bedchambers closed with a soft sound, Hyungwon allowed himself to release a constrained sigh. He had never felt as pressured in his own skin. Every step and every second of his routine resembled a veil that he was slowly pulling over his own features. It was like the white makeup that covered his hands, neck and face at all times, cheating everybody into the belief that his skin was the way it had to be. It was a game of pretense, the same one he had played as a child.

_But it never stops._

His steps felt heavy, body tired from the physical strain of fighting and defending himself and mind exhausted from learning and remembering information. It was difficult when it was occupied with utterly different issues at the same time.

_Like the way you compromise yourself._

Hyungwon still remembered Hoseok’s face when he touched him, the way the black-haired man had been shaking in his hand, muscles tensing repeatedly as he produced beautiful sounds with his curved lips. It had sounded desperate and must have felt so good, similar to the way Hyungwon had felt himself. It was beautiful, so beautiful. His whole body tingled at the memory alone.

_Don't._

He slapped his cheek to snap out of it. His skin was shining from the bath he had just taken, scrubbed thoroughly until only fresh and healthy skin remained. It was pleasant to the touch despite the color so Hyungwon let his right hand brush over his own forearm, carefully slipping under the silk of his pajamas.

It was strange, so he stopped again. He had actually wanted to escape into the garden again, but he was exhausted and the ground was still wet outside. He would have left traces on the white marble floors.

It was days like these that made the palace appear like a overly comfortable prison, a combination of pretense and serious consequences that forced him to hold a mask in front of his face, punishing people for fundamental human needs He hated it.

The blanket was warm, heated in advance by the servants, when he slipped under it. Hyungwon covered his body completely and attempted to still his thoughts, to pause them at blackness instead of vivid images of city lights, the river, beautiful smiles and careful touches.

_It really is like a fairytale, isn't it?_

It was a dream and sadly the time had come to wake up.

Suddenly, there were muted sounds before the door that led to one of his chambers opened and a figure dressed in black snuck inside, closing the heavy door without making a sound.

Hyungwon was fast, familiar with the situation and soundlessly slipped from his bed, crouching in a defense position as he grabbed the short knife that was attached to the bottom of his night table. He held his breath and watched the intruder’s feet from below the bed. One of the guards must have betrayed him or gotten killed. He wasn't sure what would be worse at this point.

There was no movement until he could see how the feet moving into his direction slowly without making a sound until they stopped and two palms joined them on the floor. A pale face appeared in his sight as the man leaned down and stared at him from under the bed.

“Psst. Is it a hide and seek game or something?” Hoseok whispered.

Hyungwon stared, genuinely shocked and carefully placed the knife on the ground, a little embarrassed by the way he had reacted.

“What- what are you doing here?” he hissed, eyes wide and brain unable to comprehend how Hoseok could have come in through the door unless he knocked out a guard and if he did then that guard was probably lying around somewhere and would instantly be found and people would come running in and arrest Hoseok, believing that he had attempted to hurt Hyungwon. Oh god.

“I- came to visit,” the black-haired man whispered, still glancing at him from under the bed. “Are you okay?”

“That depends on how you managed to get in. Did you hurt a guard?” he asked and attached the small knife back to the bedside table. If someone came in and he was holding a knife that definitely didn’t speak for the black-haired man across from him. “I thought you came to kill me.”

_You’re talking to him from under the bed, of course he thinks you’re not okay._

“The guard? He was hurt, because I'm so handsome,” Hoseok commented and brushed back his bangs, wiggling an eyebrow at him, before he rose to his feet and closed the distance. Hyungwon barely contained a chuckle at the shameless self-praise.

“Is this a knife? Were you planning on stabbing me?” Hoseok asked, eyes widening.

“I-” Hyungwon felt ashamed suddenly. He was prepared to protect himself but the thought alone that he could have hurt Hoseok accidentally was terrifying. “I thought you were an assassin and here to hurt me. I- planned on pinning you down and asking you what you wanted, with my knife.”

“Sexy, I probably would've passed out immediately, stuff like that is not really effective with me. I also have a knife but I peel oranges with it because otherwise it's scary. I bought it to be able to stab myself if something happens, but decided on pills because it's less invasive and I'm a coward.” Chuckling quietly, Hoseok took the knife and inspected it intently, before putting it back. “I wanted to see you and make sure that you won't climb out of the window and hurting yourself like last time.”

_He thought of stabbing himself?_

There was so much information that Hyungwon felt a little overwhelmed. It made no sense. Why would the other man faint because of a knife? Was he scared? But if he was scared how could he even consider stabbing himself, even if in the end he decided for a simpler method? The wish to die on its own was not comprehensible to Hyungwon.

_You never wanted to die, no matter how you difficult or frustrating it was._

“But why...would you wish to die? I don’t understand,” he whispered and reached out to remove the strange cloak Hoseok had pulled over his shoulders. It was probably to not be recognized but it was one of the main reasons for the other man looking like an assassin. Or a vampire.

_He came for you._

“Because living makes me feel helpless,” the black-haired man replied, reaching out and fixing the position of his pajama top that had slipped down, revealing one of his collarbones.

Hyungwon wasn’t able to glance away and stared instead, examining the way the black fabric emphasized the milky color of the other man’s skin. He knew that there were black lines of ink hiding behind all those clothes and he missed their sight a little bit. It had almost become an obsession.

_Because it is beautiful._

“But you seem so strong to me, constantly fighting and acting according to what you feel is right. You do not seem helpless to me, not at all,” he replied and folded the cloak carefully before placing it on one of his chairs. It felt strange to have somebody in his bedchambers that was not a servant. It was almost like a dream of his, a stranger in black in his bedroom that reached out to touch him.

_You dreamt that?_

The memory was sudden and he almost chuckled at his ability of not thinking about experiences like that. There were dreams that had to be kept hidden behind the surface of pretense that he had mastered so well over the past eighteen years.

“You are the strong and confident stranger in black that visits my bedchambers and gives me advice,” he commented with a smile and fixed his blanket. He was a little bit embarrassed that it was so messy. He had never had anybody in his room.

“I can't do anything besides fighting until there's no point anymore. You think that I'm a stranger? Do I feel like a stranger to you?” Hoseok sat down on the bed and crossed his legs, not bothering with the blanket and simply placing his behind on top of it.

Hyungwon frowned briefly until he found himself questioning why it actually mattered whether his bed was made or not. Hoseok was not somebody to be concerned with things like that.

_Your thoughts are changing._

“You’re not, but the way you wore your cloak reminded me of a dream I had, one I attempted to forget.” Smiling, he also climbed up on his gigantic canopy bed. It was white, just like everything else in his room. “I am happy that you came, thank you.”

“Was it a scary dream?” Hoseok asked, leaning against the headboard and curling his pale hands around his thighs. “I'm happy too, it's really nice seeing you smile.”

“You know, when I am bored by the lectures and responsibilities that I am supposed to attend and fulfil, I find myself coming up with comparisons that do your smile justice. I have not found one that I am satisfied with yet,” he replied and remembered the way he had stared at a rainbow above one of the peach trees, wondering if it was similar in the emotion it created in his chest. “It’s bright, brighter than sunlight.”

The black-haired man turned to the side, staring at the empty floor while his cheeks color the longer he stared. It was beautiful and instantly invoked the memory of how the black-haired man had let his eyes flutter shut and gasped.

_Don’t._

“Thank you,” Hoseok finally murmured, biting down on his lower lip.

“You asked about my dream, didn’t you? A few weeks ago, I might have ignored the question, pretended that you never asked it. Somehow it seems alright to share with you. It wasn’t a scary dream. My memory is blurry but I suspect it must have been sexual, terrifying me, so that I banned it to the back of my head just like the nightly result of it.” It felt strange to say all that despite his faked bravery, so he played with his fingers and enjoyed how soft his skin felt from the bath. His hair was still fluffy after it had been dried by servants. He would have touched the blonde strands too, but that was probably a little too much.

Hoseok's mouth spread in a pretty smile before he reached out and patted his thigh briefly. It felt nice but Hyungwon tried not to shudder and show exactly how nice it was.

“I had dreams like that too, but I woke up, thought ‘What the fuck?’ and went to the club, testing out whether it was a thing or just my weird imagination. And after some experiments I found out what my brain tried to tell me.”

“And- what did your brain try to tell you?” Hyungwon asked and imagined what his life would be like if he attempted to reenact every dream he ever had. Fighting with swords on top of a peach tree over additional strawberries for lunch sounded rather- excessive.

“That I was born pale and blue-eyed on the outside, while concentrating everything that's not considered okay inside me. But I'm fine. I love it the way it is. It's just me. But there are other people who feel the same, so I'm not alone with this.” The other man rubbed over his thighs while talking, as if it made him uncomfortable.

Hyungwon thought about what it must feel to not fit on the inside and on the outside. Hoseok was talking about his privileges, the way his skin and his eyes allowed him to become a part of the royal family and be surrounded by wealth and possibilities, while at the same time not allowing him the things he really cared about. The black-haired man would have preferred to be outside, strolling along the streets and looking at the beautiful river while spending time with his best friend instead of rotting away behind glass walls because of features that he didn’t care about.

_But that’s not everything._

Hoseok had tattoos, covering most of his skin and a piercing that he wore where nobody was able to say anything against it. The other man knew the black market, met the princess secretly at night and rejected the idea of laying with her even though it must happen for the sake of her dignity. Everything that Hoseok disliked was written into society like one of the ten commandments and everything that the other man enjoyed was condemned.

_Like kissing you, it’s condemned too._

“If there are people who feel this way, then who are we to decide who is worthy and who isn’t?” Hyungwon whispered and chewed on his cheek, struggling to understand how the rules were made. What was the point of privileges for individuals with a particular skin color if not even all of them wished to have these privileges? Why couldn’t somebody who worked hard and believed in all of the values not receive the same treatment only because their skin looked different? It made no sense, there was no point in it. What did Hyungwon even have that justified all these privileges? What made him different? There was nothing, nothing at all apart from the way he chose his words and the brightness of his hair and eyes. “Why- does the royal family have to have blue eyes? Is there some evolutionary advantage? If not, then why is it so important? Is it beauty? Beauty standards keep changing like the color of women’s skirts and dresses. Who decided all this? Who decided that someone like you has to be this miserable? I hate it.”

He swallowed audibly, feeling anger build up in his chest. His right hand reached out and held onto the other man’s pale one. It was a little cool, cooler than his own, which had heated up from the long bath.

“I know right? And that's why I feel helpless.” The other man immediately took his hand and squeezed it.

“Is there really no way to change it? You showed me, can't you just show everybody?” It seemed so easy. It had only taken the black-haired man a few months to make him to realize the workings of the system, the disadvantages and the people that were hurt. It shouldn't be that difficult to make others see how many people were hurt to change someone's mind.

_Not your father, he will never change his mind._

“Hyungwon?” the black-haired man asked suddenly, eyes narrowing and white teeth settling on his pink bottom lip. “Do you- do you really think that they don't know about it?”

Hyungwon stared at Hoseok, at the way his ocean blue eyes returned the familiar storm, chewing on his bottom lip and observing him, like he was naive and missed something very important.

“They… know? They know that people are suffering all this time? That people are starving because they cannot work, discriminated because of their skin color and the decisions that were made for them? They know all that?” he asked, shock obvious. He couldn't imagine that they saw it. The advisors must have only seen the privileged parts, the people that were living with money and possibilities.

Sighing, Hoseok threw his head back, hitting it against the headboard.

“Not only do they know it, Hyungwon. They also need it and keep it like this, because they don't want those people to have enough time and money to fight against this bullshit.”

_It's suppression, they suppress them to keep the system and the power. It's about money, it always is._

Hyungwon felt sick, bile moving up his throat as he imagined Lucy being denied employment because of her skin color, forced into poverty despite her abilities and successful studies. It was unfair, unfair and purely disgusting.

“They do it to justify the suppression. It's only the blue eyes because they have blue eyes. That's it, there is nothing to it, it's only- only to keep the power while hurting everybody else.” The words felt like knives on his tongue, worse than the pain he remembered from the wound on his thigh and the scar on his back. It was so much worse, freezing his blood and throwing him into a sea of concrete, slowly hardening the longer he remained in it.

_Are you even able to get out at this point?_

“Mhm,” Hoseok hummed before focusing his gaze on him. It felt like huge waves crashing down, impact insane, caused by the ocean-blue eyes that looked at him.

“The reasons, they're not right, Hyungwon. It doesn't matter whether there are any.”

He wanted to cry, curl up and hide and wait for the feeling of injustice to disappear. He had been so sure that they could do something about it, buy more of Anthony's jewelry, make sure that Lucy was employed, but all of it seemed so pointless in the big picture. Nothing would have changed, nothing at all. Hyungwon couldn't go and propose adjustments that weren't beneficial to the noble and the royal family, nobody would allow him too. Advisors would speak out and set out to replace him, the same thing that had happened to his grand uncle several generations ago.

_They lied, he didn't want to ruin the royal family, he only wanted to change the system._

“I don't know what to do, I don't know how to help, Hoseok,” he whispered and shivered uncontrollably, hand curling further around the other man's pale palm.

_He sees it every day, the reason for his friends’ suffering._

Hoseok curled his arms around his waist and pulled him into his warm embrace, fingers stroking over his hair affectionately.

“You're already doing more than anyone before, seeing the facts as a problem. You're- you're not like them. You're different.”

“But I'm helpless, just like everybody else,” he whispered and curled his arms around the black-haired man's waist, enjoying how cool the skin was compared to his own. It felt calming, but it didn't remove the storm that raged in his mind, showing every move, every hurtful decision that he had mindlessly supported. “I was there when they decided who to arrest for selling on the black market and I didn't do anything, I didn't even say anything.”

“You know why I'm not screaming aloud that I'm homosexual and can't marry the princess? Because she'd get the backlash, and end up with some misogynistic dude who'd treat her like shit because she's a woman and he's pale and wants to fuck. Doing something just because you have a mouth doesn't get you far, you have to find how you're able to influence it the most. And that's the reason why I'm not dead yet.” The low voice spoke right into his ear, words clear and determined.

_He’s right. It’s something that you are good at, Hyungwon. You were always fantastic at convincing and finding loopholes for argumentation._

“It is what I told you before, use the privilege to change something without becoming too obvious. It is impossible to change the rules at whim, but it might be possible to pull them in a certain direction,” Hyungwon muttered and buried his head in the crook of the other man’s neck. He smelled nice, especially in combination with the fruity smell that came from Hyungwon’s own body. It must be difficult for Hoseok as he had more problems to deal with other than his privilege, it wasn’t only about protecting his friends. The other man did not wish to marry the princess and wanted to protect her from falling from grace and he said that he was homosexual, and-

_He said that he is homosexual._

“You- you don’t like women?”

“I do like women. But not sexually,” Hoseok murmured.

_He has no interest in women sexually, none at all. That’s why he doesn’t want to marry and have children. That’s why he cannot sleep with Yewon._

He felt almost stupid for not realizing the pattern, the way Hoseok had always explained his inability to be his sister’s husband and how much he disliked the thought of sleeping with her for the sake of following rules. All of it made sense, it did, but still it didn’t want to get into Hyungwon’s head.

His eyes widened as he tried to comprehend, to make a conclusion. He had never encountered anybody like that, he hadn’t even known that it was possible to feel nothing towards women.

“I- I didn’t know that was possible. I don’t judge you, please don’t think I do- I only...struggle to imagine and understand. I have never seen anything apart from men being with women,” he replied quietly while still breathing the scent of the other man’s neck. It felt almost ironic.

“It's fine, it's common, but there are men like me who have sexual and romantic feelings towards other men. There are women like Lucy, who like other women and feel nothing towards men. There are also individuals who feel like they're not born with the right gender, or individuals who don't want sex. At all. It's all there, but it's not accepted. Actually-” Hoseok started before hesitating for a few seconds. “I thought that I'd just marry Lucy and I would have my boyfriend and she would have her girlfriend. But, well, she doesn't have the right skin color to be with me, you know?”

Hyungwon lifted his head and stared at the other man, disbelief written over his features as he tried to imagine that someone who was born to have privileges and live without concerns, wanted to marry somebody only for the sake of hiding their preferences from the public eye and be left alone. It was so frustrating that he wanted to punch the palace walls and watch them crumble.

“I always believed that I am somebody without any necessity for bodily contact, that I am above that and perfectly fine on my own while focusing on the future of the country. It feels ironic, now that I know I have been focused on fueling hell,” he commented and pursed his lips. Lucy’s words became meaningful with the knowledge that she preferred to be with another woman. The thought was strange to Hyungwon, but so were so many other things Hoseok had shown and taught him. Why would choosing whom to love be any different?

“One should be able to choose whom to love as long as nobody else is hurt, but why does it happen? Biology suggests that men love women, does it not?”

“Bullshit. Evolution doesn't give a shit, you can love your cupboard if you want to. I guess heterosexuals are dominant because of the offspring, duh, but everything else is variety that also exists in animals. Also- you're born like this. You can't just decide ‘oh, you know, right now I really want to fuck a dude!’. It's there, from the start and you can't do anything about it, it's just how it is and it's okay.” The black-haired man leaned to the side and placed a soft kiss on his temple.

Maybe sexuality was a variation like everything else, like hair color, skin color, height, shape of the fingernails, shape of lips and form of the body. Everything was variable and had no real meaning to the worth of the person. Just because Yewon and him had a slim frame, it did not mean that all nobles had to have a slim frame. It was utterly meaningless, as it should have been.

_Still, they choose the pale nobles over everybody else._

“I think- people are just scared of what they do not know, Hoseok. Some are scared of individuals with darker skin because they have never seen them and do not know what to do. That’s how I felt even though it was stupid and I caught myself quickly. Fear makes us act dumb.” He sat up and examined the way the black-haired man lay on his bed, black hair in contrast to the bright white and ivory.

“It does, but after all I’ve seen and been through- I somehow can’t find any pity for those who fear while doing all this.” The other man’s voice was barely a whisper while he chewed on his lips, mercilessly abusing the pink surface.

“I feel pity for those who are like me, unaware,” Hyungwon murmured and reached out to brush over the other man’s beautiful curved lips. They felt soft under his thumb. “Because the disgust that I feel towards myself for supporting the system over the past few years is difficult to bear.”

“I feel pity for those who have no-one to pity them,” Hoseok whispered and licked over his finger unexpectedly.

Hyungwon gasped, eyes widening and warmth that surrounded the fingertip instantly travelled along his arm and centered in the middle of his body. It was quick, his body knew how it was meant to react faster than his brain did. His cheeks gained color and he couldn’t help the embarrassment he felt at reaching out and brushing over the other man’s lips without asking for permission.

“I- should have asked,” he whispered and swallowed, fascinated by the sight. Something about it returned images to his mind, the way the black-haired man had closed his lips around his-

_Don’t, Hyungwon, just don’t do it._

His blush intensified as he glanced away, focusing on the way he had folded and situated the black cloak on a chair.

“It’s fine, I just didn’t want to blush, so I licked over it, expecting that you’d get shocked,” Hoseok commented and chuckled lowly.

“So, you avoid blushing by making me blush? That’s cheating,” he whispered, but couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his lips. It was sneaky but effective, he would have to remember it for the future. “I still can’t believe you are here, in my bed. I mean- my bedchambers. No-one has ever been here apart from servants and me.”

“I am indeed on your bed. I had to be disgustingly flirty to get here. I hope that you appreciate my efforts for the sake of our friendship, your royal highness.” The other man smiled brightly, still blushing a tiny bit which made his face look healthy. “Did you miss me?”

“I did, Lee Hoseok, a significant amount,” Hyungwon replied, keeping his voice level as he always did whenever the two of them spoke in public. It seemed funny to do it in the dark, hiding away from sight in his room. He straightened his back and purposefully tilted his head to stare at the other man through his blonde strands, giving the whole thing more effect.

“Uuh, dangerous,” Hoseok hissed and licked over his lips. “I missed you too, so much that I thought I was going crazy. Crazier than I already am.”

“That, is what I would define as ‘dangerous’,” Hyungwon murmured and leaned forward, placing his palms on each side of Hoseok’s hips as he remained above the black-haired man. “How can you be sure that the guard will remain quiet? He could easily tell on you. I wouldn’t trust them as all of them have betrayed before.”

“He won’t, he’s a nice, handsome guy and has similar preferences as me, so he has something to lose too,” Hoseok whispered, ocean-blue eyes focusing on his face, gaze penetrating and arousing. “This- is what I would define as hot.”

_He likes men, like him._

“Hot? But I haven’t done anything,” he said and shifted a little, fabric of his pajama seeming ridiculously thin suddenly. “Does he...wish to be close to you?” _The way you do._

“Who? The guard? Definitely. And you just pinned me to your bed, looking all playful, so, yes, I think you tried pretty hard for ‘not doing anything’,” Hoseok commented and sucked his pink bottom lip into his mouth. The other man didn’t move from his spot, lying on the big pillows with his hair sprawled all over them and creating contrast. His pajama top slipped down, showing his collarbone again. It reminded Hyungwon of the famous painting of a naked woman that was removed from the palace after twenty years as it was considered ‘too sinful’. He had never really understood why, but had it been Hoseok he might have understood back then.

Hyungwon felt the sudden and rather unfamiliar urge to lean in and lick over it, even though it was a rather strange thing to do out of the blue.

“Will you...let him?” he asked and shifted on top of the other man, somehow enjoying the way their legs intertwined. His fit perfectly around Hoseok’s muscular thighs, almost as if they had been created for that purpose.

“Mh? Let him what?” Hoseok’s eyes stared at him in surprise.

“Touch you.” The answer seemed obvious. If the guard was interested and Hoseok enjoyed being close with men, then there was no real reason for him to oppose unless he was worried about the guard telling on him, which Hyungwon would definitely worry about in his position. It seemed dangerous.

“Nah, he’s cute, but it’s too much of a bother and I’m currently busy with my own thoughts.” The black-haired man shifted his hips under him while watching him intently. “Why?”

“I was just worried because it might be dangerous as you do not know if he can be trusted. I am already worried that you convinced him to let you into my bedchambers, what will he think? Oh god.” Hyungwon’s eyes widened at the realization that there was a guard in the palace who knew that Hoseok had been in his room, at night. Their position was not making the whole thing easier having with how he felt the black-haired man’s thighs snuggled between his. The feeling instantly distracted him and he yearned to lie down and listen to Hoseok’s heart but it was a little too intimate and he should be more careful.

His mind was a mess.

“What he thinks? I told him that we’re good friends and it’s hard to meet during the daytime. What else would he think? He’ll think that I find him cute and be happy. Why? Did you want to do something good friends don’t do?” Ocean-blue eyes focused on his eyes and Hoseok raised his eyebrow and one mouth corner slowly.

“I-” Hyungwon decided not to say anything, but then remembered that Hoseok had told him to be genuine with him. There was enough pretense with everybody else, he didn’t want to pretend with the man next to him as well. In addition, he was no expert on what friends did and didn’t do. “I wanted to lie down on your chest and listen to your heartbeat. Is that- something friends don’t do?”

“That- depends,” Hoseok stated and continued chewing on his lip, before pulling him on top of himself, pressing his head against his muscular chest, firm and warm. “But I still want you to do it.”

Hyungwon resisted for a brief moment until he was engulfed by warmth and the soft vibration of the black-haired man’s heart, beating against his ear in a quick rhythm. It was nice, really nice and he was glad that he had said it instead of keeping quiet and never getting to experience what it was like.

“It’s...really nice. It beats quickly,” he whispered and closed his eyes, imagining that he wasn’t surrounded by guards at every door, but that they were somewhere far away so he didn’t have to worry about what happened next. “Do you wish to do something that friends do not do?”

“You know, I thought about this a lot and the problem is more complex. My thoughts are not those of a friend and in the end, it doesn’t matter whether I do something friends wouldn’t do or if I try to stay away from you. The fact that I can’t like you as a friend will still stay in my head, in my thoughts. It will engulf me as soon as I think about you or see your face. Every time you talk to me or touch my hand, I won’t think as your friend, because I’m not,” Hoseok’s low, dead-serious voice murmured while he kept him close to his warm chest.

Something about the words hurt, he was saying no matter how much time passed and how close Hyungwon ended up being with the future prince consort, they weren’t able to be friends.

_It’s because of who you are. You are destined to be lonely, you keep forgetting._

“Because I am the prince? Is that why you cannot be my friend?” he asked quietly and buried his nose in the soft fabric to not be confronted with the other man’s face. It was scary when he spoke so seriously, eyes a little narrowed and ripping everything he knew apart.

“Because you’re the prince? I do have thoughts like that, I did, especially when we started talking back then, but it’s not the main problem. I really thought of you as a friend, for a short time, but I think I was trying to fool myself. But don’t feel burdened about this, it’s just who I am. It doesn’t have to mean anything to you. Just do what you like when I’m around, it makes me happy,” Hoseok whispered, arms tightening around his shoulders and pressing him closer.

Hyungwon didn’t understand. It seemed like Hoseok had considered him a friend before, but something about their relationship had changed for the other man, therefore taking away that status from him. It upset him a little bit and he wished for it to return.

“Am I worse than a friend then?” he asked carefully and inhaled again. Hoseok smelled really good, like the garden in spring, littered with blossoms and fresh grass.

“Worse? No, why would you be worse? How can you be worse if I’m doing every possible, unnecessary thing just to be next to you, to have you next to me, even if it makes me uncomfortable? I hate eating, Hyungwon, but I still do, because I know that you’ll be there when I come into the hall. You make me feel like flying and falling at the same time.” It must’ve been hard for the black-haired man to say it as his heartbeat picked up, heart pumping blood through his veins furiously.

It felt warm to hear the words, like a vibrating sensation that spread out through his chest and gave off small sparks to his stomach and arms. It was so similar to how he felt each time he entered the hall and waited, staring at the door until the servants finally announced the arrival of the other man. It was the only time they actually saw each other apart from the times they snuck out. It was controlled and they couldn’t be close at all, but still Hyungwon appreciated every second that he was able to stare at Hoseok’s face and the way he mouthed amusing comments at him, trying to make him laugh even though he wasn’t supposed to. The princess joined them once in a while but Hyungwon preferred the times when she didn’t and Hoseok sat right next to him, ignoring rules of conduct.

“Seeing your face at breakfast is the best part of my day,” he whispered in reply and swallowed, suddenly aware of how grave the words sounded. A day had so many hours and so many occurrences that he went through and still he felt the happiest when Hoseok entered the hall, changing his facial expression as soon as he sat down right next to him and none of the servants were able to see it.

_Because he smiles genuinely for you, only for you._

He felt Hoseok inhale deeply, keeping the air inside his lungs before he started talking. His heart beat fast and he could feel the impact against his cheek.

“I hate everything here, the decoration, the pictures, the ridiculously clean hallways and the food, the king, the queen, the way they treat you and Yewon, the stupid rules, the meaningless discussions, the blue room and the white ivory. I hate everything- everything, except for you.”

“But- you don’t hate Yewon either, do you? Do you hate the garden? It’s my favorite place, especially the labyrinth even if I have never really entered it properly. A long time ago it was used as a punishment for the royal family as one can need up to three days or more to get out of it and if you didn’t it was your punishment.” Hyungwon talked quickly, attempting to think of something that Hoseok might have enjoyed. The thought that the black-haired man was suffering all this time apart from when he saw him hurt and he wished to help somehow, to do something that made the experience more bearable.

“No, I don’t hate her. We’re friends,” the other man replied quietly, not moving apart from the exhales that hit his head.

_He is friends with her but not with you._

What was the difference? What did Hyungwon have that the princess did not? Why could Hoseok be friends with her but not with him?

_Because you are a boy._

“Is it- because we kissed? Is that why we cannot be friends?” he asked quietly and held his breath, long fingers carefully slipping under the black fabric of Hoseok’s pajama top, stroking along the soft, pale skin.

“No,” Hoseok breathed out and let out a soft hiss at his ministrations. “It’s because I like you.”

“But I like you too, does that not make us friends?” Hyungwon asked again and lifted the other man’s shirt a little higher, taking the exhales as a ‘yes’. He was too embarrassed to ask for permission out loud.

“I give up, just think whatever you want,” Hoseok groaned and let his palm travel over his clothed back, gently applying pressure and drawing along his spine with his fingers.

Hyungwon pursed his lips at the response. He must have been asking too many questions or he was really not getting the point.

“I’m sorry if I am not comprehending it,” he murmured and reached for Hoseok’s free palm to place a soft kiss on top of it. It felt nice, just like the warmth of the other man’s chest. Hyungwon wanted to feel it without fabric though, so he pulled the pajama top all the way up and placed his head on Hoseok’s naked chest, ear burning from how hot the other man’s skin was. “If I tell you that I wish to give you something as a present, will you accept it?”

“As long as it’s not someone's ‘head’, your royal highness,” Hoseok chuckled and slipped his hand under the fabric of his top to draw his spine with his fingers once again.

Hyungwon frowned briefly before a smile passed over his lips and he felt a little excited to use the skills he had accumulated over the years to give the other man something that he appreciated.

_You could make him happy._

“Not quite.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn’t mean it when I said that I hate you. I don’t hate you, it’s the opposite.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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Hoseok was doomed, he really was. When he entered the palace a few months ago he never would have thought that it would get this bad. Who could have predicted that he would fall for the prince with the painted face who was apparently straight, or whatever, and that the prince would have a strange infatuation towards him.

_He wanted to be friends. What the fuck?_

Hoseok tried, he really did, telling Hyungwon how he had made him feel, that he was whipped beyond belief, that he couldn’t think about anything else when they weren’t together, making friends with palace employees and guards just to be able to move relatively freely and to sneak into the other man’s room at night. They hadn’t kissed since the last time they had been outside. They also didn’t touch apart from Hyungwon making him go crazy by stroking over his naked skin with his long, gorgeous fingers. It was hard.

_It’s all nothing compared to the fact that you’ll be marrying the princess in a couple of weeks and he will get a wife. You will live next to each other, not able to talk or meet like before because he probably won’t be interested anymore._

He was stupid.

He needed to get dressed because one of the staff had told him that his university tutor had arrived. He never requested a university tutor in the first place, but a person who was able to come and go was also able to provide important information and Gin. Furthermore, he wasn’t able to calm his thoughts because they were circling around the prince, making him the center of his universe. It was bad, really bad, he needed a distraction.

Lying on his bed naked and thinking that he had to stuff his body into the disgustingly uncomfortable clothes, Hoseok drew the lines inked on his stomach and flowing down like a river, along his vline and towards his pale thighs. Suddenly, an image materialized, turning into black hair and ice-blue eyes, a pink tongue that traced every line, leaving wet, burning trails along his skin that tingled along his skin, concentrating in his groin.

_Are you this desperate, really?_

The answer was a ‘yes’ accompanied by a soft moan as he let his fingers travel along his stomach down between his legs, teasing himself a little. He finally curled his hand around his thick erection, stroking lazily and remembering every twitch on Hyungwon’s beautiful face. Why was the prince so fucking attractive? It was a mess, he wasn’t prepared for this, he wasn’t prepared to always think about one person, their expressions, their words, their touches and their smiles. Hyungwon’s smile was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life, authentic, spreading his golden cheeks like a fucking sunrise.

_You are lost, Hoseok._

He was, moving his hand around his warm length and thinking about the dazzling, long fingers curling around it and stroking him hesitantly, unsure whether it was okay, whether he was feeling good about it. Fuck, he had really struggled to hold back, already halfway coming because the gorgeous prince had finally touched him, back at Lucy’s apartment.

_He’s so attractive, imagine him naked, he must look so beautiful._

Hoseok hadn’t even seen the other man naked, only his legs, or his chest, but never completely naked. His body was beautiful, just like his erection that he had been able to taste. He wanted to taste him again, to see the blissed-out expression on his face, the parted lips, the pretty sounds, not restrained by the palace walls and raining down on him like a waterfall of pleasure. He sped up his movements, thinking about Hyungwon’s plump lips kissing along his thigh and tracing the tattoos with his tongue until his body tensed and he released himself into his hand, body shaking and muscles flexing at the post orgasmic bliss.

_Now you also jerk off to his image, what’s next?_

He had no idea and he also didn’t want to think about it. Wiping his stomach and hand, he slipped into his uncomfortable clothes and made sure to close all buttons properly. It could’ve been fatal otherwise.

Sighing, he left his chambers and let the service personnel lead him to his ‘study room’ whatever the fuck that was. After being announced, he stepped inside, expecting a new person he had to deal with. Instead, there were familiar brown eyes, black locks and a happy grin.

_Lucy. Oh god._

“I think I’m going nuts,” he whispered, asking himself whether the jerking off had been a dream and he was in some nirvana kind of place.

“Hello, Hoseok. Nice to see you,” his best friend murmured, practiced, just like the times she had talked to him in front of his parents.

_It’s real, she’s here. Why is she here? She has to leave, it’s a shady place._

Closing the distance, he told the personnel to leave and stared at the familiar face, shaken that it was real, materialized in front of his eyes.

“Hoseok…? Did you jerk off?” she asked, head resting on one palm and deadpan expression appearing on her pretty face.

_Oh no. She knows. She always knows._

“Why the fuck are you here? You have to run, this place is fucking nuts, Lucy. Run as far as you can. How are you a tutor here?” He changed the topic, burying his face in both palms.

“Ah, the prince was pretty nice, I heard. He asked for me to tutor you.” A bright smile spread the girl’s puffy cheeks and she patted his hand, pulling out a book on mathematical Analysis.

_Hyungwon. It was him._

The euphoria about the prince helping him to meet Lucy suddenly turned into panic as he stared at his friend while having absolutely no idea what to do.

“But why would you jerk off, Bunny? I thought you had plenty of fun with Won last time. I managed to fall asleep again, but damn, you must’ve had fun.”

Hoseok panicked and pressed his palm against his best friend’s mouth.

“Shut up, this- you can’t talk about it, oh god, you- fuck, why is my life like this?”

_She’ll see him and she’ll know. Fuck. You have to tell her, but you can’t because it’s too critical and people might hear._

“Wow, there’s a lot going on, isn’t there? Anyway, I’m not going to cut you any slack, so you better give your best, Mister.” Lucy took out her pen and the familiar notebook, writing the date on top of it.

“Listen- you- there’s something I didn’t tell you because a person asked me not to. Please don’t be shocked in case you’ll get shocked, okay?” His hands shivered and he couldn’t even manage to think about what it meant if his best friend was allowed to enter the palace and help him with his studies.

_It’s amazing actually. You should be so fucking happy._

He was, he really was. He also wanted Lucy to meet the princess because she would be able to help her.

“Let’s study then,” he whispered, preparing to get killed by the black-haired girl after she saw who Won was and what it meant.

The time passed and he was able to say that he wasn’t a dumb consumer of precious air, but someone who was able to do Analysis. At least a little. Because of Lucy.

Closing her thick book, his best friend smiled at him, genuine and affectionate. He missed it so much, he missed her.

“I missed you, a lot,” he whispered. “By the way, if you want to say something sensitive just doing the mouthing is the safest way just make sure that nobody is watching. It’s a fucking prison here, everybody is listening and waits to fuck you over. Maybe not you because you will be considered an underprivileged human, but I had some difficulties making friends here.”

“Must be funny to be the underprivileged one while living in a fancy palace with literally everything. I could buy a house on the river for the price of this table. What the actual fuck?” Lucy looked at the heavy wooden surface, as if it had done her dirty on so many levels. “But I will, I really want to keep seeing you. I missed you. So much.”

Suddenly, there was shuffling behind the door and it opened, giving him a heart attack.

A servant cleared his throat and glanced around nervously.

“His royal highness, the prince, wished to greet the future prince consort’s tutor,” the elderly man announced and bowed briefly.

_Oh no. Nooooo._

“Now, now is the moment you shouldn’t be mad,” he whispered and stood up, waiting for his best friend to do the same. She looked as if he had lost his mind. Which he had.

There were a few moments of nothing until two guards entered first and stood at the side, followed by Hyungwon. Lucy was forced to remain bowing until the prince allowed her to look up, but Hoseok could see him perfectly, face painted as usual and expression neutral. Even with all the attempts to ruin his natural beauty, the other man was gorgeous.

Walking over to them, accompanied by another two guards, Hyungwon smiled briefly.

“You may rise,” he commented towards Lucy, voice low as his ice-blue eyes instantly met Hoseok’s.

He felt his heart sink into his feet, if it was even possible and watched Lucy, absolutely terrified of what she might say or do. Much to his surprise, his best friend smiled politely and a tiny twitch in her mouth corner gave out that she wasn’t prepared. Lucy was perfectly aware of proper conduct and was able to study and to get a scholarship from his parents’ company thanks to her perfect behavior, that, if he was honest, was way more appropriate than his own.

“It is an honor to meet you, your royal highness. Hoseok has only spoken highly of you,” she said, and he knew that he was going to die.

Hyungwon smiled genuinely and switched his eyes to Hoseok before returning them to his friend.

“Believe me, the pleasure is mine, Ms. Davis. I have been told that you perform as best of your year, is that correct?” the prince asked and tilted his head a little. Hyungwon was a different person when he was his royal highness, expressions under perfect control and bullshit spilling from his lips expertly.

It was weird for the three of them to have this kind of interaction.

“This is correct, your royal highness. It is still not enough to get the honor of tutoring the prince consort in the royal palace. I am overwhelmed and thankful for this opportunity and will make sure to fulfil the expectations.” Bowing again, Lucy smiled.

_Oh, for fuck’s sake._

He wanted it to end, it was terrible. He hated seeing his best friend say all those words in front of whoever the royal highness was.

“But I have also heard that there are plans to remove scholarships for particular individuals. It appears unfitting after hearing of your rather unrivalled performance, Ms. Davis. I simply had to meet you to gain insight myself, as the decision shall take place this evening. I hope you will forgive my unscheduled appearance.” There was something different in Hyungwon's expression as he talked. Glancing around, Hoseok was able to tell that the blonde man had way more servants surrounding him than usual.

_There’s something going on. Something’s up and you don’t know what, running around ignorant and touching yourself like a twelve-year-old. Get a fucking grip, Hoseok._

“I have heard about the deadline, but I haven’t heard about the specific regulations yet, your royal highness. I will gladly let you watch my performance whenever you like.” Another bow followed and he simply stared at the exchange, making him feel sick. He shouldn’t have eaten breakfast.

Smiling briefly, Hyungwon lifted his right palm and gestured towards the door.

“Leave us,” he announced as servants and guards made their way towards the door, disappearing quickly and shutting the heavy wood with a loud sound.

“I'm glad to see you, Lucy,” Hyungwon commented and smiled brightly, eyes lighting up.

“I think I’m going crazy,” Lucy murmured in reply, staring at him with a deadpan expression on her face.

“Why- why do you have a whole platoon running after you?” Hoseok chewed on his bottom lip, ready to be killed by his best friend, but later. Right now, he had different problems.

The blonde man lowered his arms that had lifted a little bit. He must have expected a hug from his best friend that didn't come.

“I wanted to start rumors,” he pointed out and brushed through his hair carefully, with two fingers only as if he was worried about ruining the arrangement. “The servants do that quickly, especially after seeing Lucy and hearing me talk positively. By spreading it through the palace, I have more justification to address it this evening. ‘Everybody talks about it’, something like that.”

_He does it because of you always talking about it._

He should’ve been happy, pleased about someone from the royal family finally getting their balls out and doing something for the people outside, using the power they have to change something, but somehow, he was scared, just scared.

“You- apart from the fact that you’re suddenly a prince and I want to kill Hoseok with my bare hands, what did they do to your gorgeous skin?” Lucy whispered, coming closer and looking at Hyungwon intently, one hand reaching for his cheek.

“They do that because I am a prince, but don't look like one,” the blonde man replied and stepped back, not letting her. “I'm sorry, Lucy, but I cannot be sure what is seen and what isn't, please be careful.”

“Oh. I see,” she replied and let her hand fall to her side, staring at Hyungwon without a break.

“You have to be careful. You- you don’t have to do that, you know it, right? You don’t have to endanger yourself,” he whispered, not moving a bit and simply watching how the blonde man held himself, wearing those official clothes, decorated with ivory and gold, heavy and uncomfortable, but still standing with his back straight and the smile on his face.

_Why have you never thought about it? How he must feel?_

“But isn't it the right thing to do? That's what you said, Hoseok, and I have good arguments. I know what I'm doing. I don't want them to take Lucy's opportunity to study just like that, she is the perfect example why they shouldn't. I think I might be able to do something about it, so- that's what I planned on doing.” He was surprised to see how desperately Hyungwon wanted to reach out but didn't. “I'm happy to see both of you, but I fear I don't have much time. Please take care and maybe- we can meet today, Hoseok.”

Lucy kept staring at Hyungwon without moving. It was weird considering her usual behavior. Turning to the side and watching closely, he could see tears running down her puffy cheeks.

_Oh no._

“Lucy, sunshine, don’t,” he whispered and looked around, before pulling the girl closer and wiping away her tears that kept falling.

Hyungwon looked terrified, watching his best friend with wide eyes while curling his hands into tight fists.

“Lucy, is it my fault? Please forgive me, I did not wish to make you cry, it wasn't my intention. All I do is upset you,” the prince whispered helplessly and chewed on his bottom lip, rubbing some of the concealer off that returned the bright red of his mouth.

His best friend shook her head repeatedly, tears still spilling without a break.

“No, no, Hyungwon, you’re Hyungwon, right? I’m just- I’m so sorry, I didn’t know what kind of life you have and- oh god, I’m really sorry.” Burying her face in her palms she inhaled deeply, trying to calm down. Hoseok had seen it so many times, but it still hurt to see his best friend cry.

_She’s sorry for him. Because of the things he has to go through._

“It's- I'm fine, Lucy, please don't cry,” the prince murmured as he slowly stepped back, eyes moving up and focusing on a big clock that hung at the other end of the study hall. “I have to leave, I'm so sorry, please don't be upset.”

Hyungwon's facial expressions were in a turmoil, teeth chewing on his bottom lip until he closed his eyes and slowly returned neutrality. Only the light tilt of his eyebrows hinted at the emotions that were hidden behind the mask.

“Please take care of yourself, both of you,” the blonde man whispered, before disappearing through the door and ordering the servants to not even dare to disturb their study session.

“Hoseok, he- this is so terrible, oh my god,” Lucy murmured and started crying again, face hidden behind her delicate hands.

“I’m really sorry for not telling you when we went out the first time. It was his first time outside of the palace, so he asked me to keep it a secret. I’m still sorry for lying to you.” He curled his arms around the girl’s trembling body. Protocol be damned, he was going to give his best friend a hug.

“Is this even the problem? Look at him, holy shit, they’ve ruined his beautiful skin and put him into those terrible clothes. Where is his smile? He only smiled when all of those people disappeared, it’s like torture, oh god, and he’s running around making himself vulnerable. For me. And for you. What’s going on with you two? And don’t say nothing, I’ll hit you and never come back.” The dark-brown eyes focused on his unexpectedly, gaze penetrating and serious.

_You can’t lie. No more lies._

“I like him. I like him so much, Lucy, fuck. I have no Idea what I’m doing. I sneak through this crazy place just to see him, and he almost died climbing through the fucking window, do you understand? He had bruises and cuts all over his legs. He brought me meds because I won’t let the doc treat me. Fuck, I- I don’t want him to get hurt, I don’t want him to like me and to listen to what I say. What am I doing, Lucy? Why have I not thought about dying during the last two weeks?” It was his turn to bury his face in his palms, almost crying at how fucking scared he was that Hyungwon would do something stupid, something revolutionary that would result in punishment or isolation.

He felt a warm palm on top of his head as Lucy stroked over his hair gently.

“I don’t even know what to say, I can’t say that I’m happy for you because it’s a fucking tragedy, but I can’t say that you’re doing something wrong, because you’re not. He- he must really like you a lot too. Enough to do all those things that make him vulnerable like that. It scares me because I don’t know how far he will go, but I know well how far you will go.”

“I would go anywhere, breaking the rules and throwing over the barricades, if there was at least a direction, but it’s just a dead end, Lucy. There’s nowhere I can go.”  
  
_  
  
He sat on the floor in his room, wearing the stupid pajamas and staring at the stupid cupboard. Lucy had left hours ago and he didn’t feel like eating at all, so he had skipped dinner, lying naked under his blanket instead, to stop being scared and hurt. It didn’t help. He slipped into the pajamas and still felt scared.

Unfolding the black jeans carefully, he pulled the small stone-bracelet out of one of the pockets and pulled it over his wrist, staring at the contrast between his own pale skin and the black and white stones that the bracelet was made of.

_You’re also like this, black and white, existing in some secret place in someone’s jeans pocket, hid away in a huge cupboard and protected by stone walls and guards, only able to coexist when someone takes it out._

He felt like crying. The worry about the prince who was taking part in talks regarding the scholarship program was overwhelming and making him feel helpless. More helpless than he had ever felt before. He had called his parents. He had not done it since moving into the palace. It was the first time.

_And the only thing you told them was that they better not support the decision to cut the scholarships as they planned, or you won’t marry._

He was crazy, but he had to at least do something to ensure that the prince wouldn’t be completely alone with his suggestion.

Stroking over the smooth surface of the stones, he closed his eyes and imagined Hyungwon’s face, his big, blue eyes and the long eyelashes, his beautiful, genuine smile and his cheeks spreading wide. He was beautiful and Hoseok missed him. So much.

_And you can’t even go to his chambers because he might be back late and then you’d walk in on all those servants undressing him or whatever. You’ll never be able to explain._

He took the bracelet off and pressed it against his mouth, feeling how the stones cooled his lips. Closing his eyes, he sucked in a breath to not succumb to the immediate impulse to cry his eyes out.

There was a sudden rattling noise at his window, resembling the way it moved during a storm. The same noise repeated again until the window suddenly opened and a figure dressed in black slipped in, blonde hair recognizable even from several meters away.

Hyungwon's motions were smooth, instantly sinking to the ground like he was perfectly aware that another person may be looking through the window, long fingers quickly closed it and the curtains.

Turning around, the other man smiled brightly, lifting both of his palms like there was something magical about them.

_What the fuck is happening? Did you lose your mind?_

Staring up from his spot, he realized the embarrassment of his position, lying on the carpet and kissing the bracelet like an idiot.

The prince must have realized it too as he raised an eyebrow in question.

“Are you okay? Is it edible?” The question was ridiculous but Hyungwon sounded like he was dead serious.

_He’s in your room, Hoseok. He just came through the fucking window. Again._

“God, I hate you so much,” he whispered, jumping up and closing the distance in a mere second, arms immediately curling around the other man’s waist. “I hate you.”

The blonde boy gasped before returning the embrace. He was stroking over his back carefully, hands cold against his heated skin.

“If you hate me, why are you embracing me then?” Hyungwon asked, voice low and touch tender.

“Because it’s a strong feeling,” he replied, swallowing tears of anxiety that he tried to dismiss from his mind without success. He attached his lips to the soft skin of the prince’s neck and continued breathing against it to calm himself down. He smelled so good.

“I wish your feelings towards me wouldn't consist of hate, but only positive emotions. I hoped that seeing your beloved friend would cheer you up, but apparently I have only upset you again, as I have upset her.” Hyungwon sighed and entangled his fingers in the black strands of Hoseok’s hair, brushing through it repeatedly and drawing undefined patterns on his back. Their height difference made it so easy to bury his face in the blonde boy’s neck.

“You don’t understand anything, Hyungwon. She was crying because she likes you so much, and- it’s similar for me. I didn’t mean it when I said that I hate you. I don’t hate you, it’s the opposite.” He placed soft kisses against the golden skin, distracting himself from the urge to cry. There wasn’t much of himself that he could offer anymore after showing the prince his tattoos, telling him secrets and making him the witness of everything that was supposedly wrong with him. Crying was still on the list.

“You love me?” the prince asked with a smile and cupped his face, tilting it up so he could look him in the eyes. The blonde man must have been unaware of the significance of the words. “But I haven't even done anything grand yet, I only brought you your friend and climbed through your window, making way too much noise as usual. I'll have to practice this some more.”

_Oh god. You might really love him, Hoseok. What if you love him? Is this what love feels like?_

Staring at the ice-blue eyes for a few seconds, he felt like he was losing his fucking mind and turned around, moving towards his bed and climbing on top of it. He took the huge blanket and crawled under it, completely disappearing and rolling up.

_What the fuck are you going to do now?_

He didn’t know, he hated the feeling of the silk pajamas on his skin. He wanted to be naked to be able to think, but he couldn’t undress just like that.

_Why not? Because you love him?_

He immediately slipped out of his pants and unbuttoned his top, throwing everything from the bed while staying under the thick blanket in the darkness.

“Ehm, Hoseok?” he heard Hyungwon's low voice from the other side of the room, muffled by the blanket that surrounded him. “Have I said something wrong? Why would Lucy cry because of liking me? I don't understand.”

After a few moments, he could feel the other man's weight on the bed, even if it wasn't much. A cool hand carefully slipped under the blanket and attempted to reach for something, probably his wrist. Only that he had rolled up and Hyungwon miscalculated. His eyes widened and he grabbed the other man’s wrist, exhaling loudly.

“What were you thinking, reaching for something under someone's blanket blindly?” he asked, pulling the soft fabric down, enough to see Hyungwon’s face.

The blonde boy looked terrified, instantly letting go and mouth open like he planned on defending himself, but really didn't know how.

“I thought you were lying here, so your wrist would be there and- I just wanted to make sure you could hear me and didn't forget that I was here,” he murmured while still staring at him with wide, ice-blue eyes. “Why would you- undress?”

“Because I feel like myself when I undress, and you were throwing meaningful questions at me and I felt overwhelmed so I came here, but I hate clothes, so I had to take them off to think. Before you grabbed my dick, that is, now I lost my train of thought completely.” Hoseok let go of the prince’s hand and sighed, disappearing under the blanket again.

_How can he ask you whether you love him so easily? As if he’s talking about some political news._

“I apologize, I- simply created the opposite of hate. You said it is the opposite of hate, so wouldn't it be love? I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable with that question. Your desire to be undressed is also something you mentioned before, so I understand.” There was a little bit of shifting until the cool hand returned, this time it stroked over his back carefully. “Is there something I can do to help you? Would you like to embrace?”

_You want so many things lately._

“Can you come here, to me?” he asked, lying in the dark with his eyes open and pulled up his knees so that Hyungwon couldn’t grab his dick accidentally.

“Under the blanket?” the low voice asked as the hand on his back paused. “Do you- do you desire for me to undress as well?”

“Mhm, under the blanket. You don’t need to undress, I just want to be here with you.” He felt so incredibly vulnerable, not wanting to leave the small hideout and face his fear and his feelings that made him confused and weak.

There was a low hum before the edge of the blanket lifted and he was met with Hyungwon's face, big eyes and red lips, spread in a small smile as the prince climbed in, carefully arranging himself next to him before lowering the blanket behind him again.

“How did it go?” he asked immediately, eyes wide and staring right into Hyungwon’s ice-blue ones.

It was dark but he could see the other man smile, big hands reaching out to stroke over his sides carefully.

“It's not really good news, but they decided to delay it and will discuss it again in six months. I hope that is good enough for now.” Hyungwon seemed genuinely concerned that the news was worthless, chewing on his cheek and blinking a little more often than usual.

“Thank god,” he whispered. Some of the tension and pressure immediately left his body as he exhaled and closed his eyes.

“But I have never heard so many hurtful and derogatory comments about skin color in one room,” Hyungwon remarked, voice a little rough and body tensing up at the words. Only when the blonde boy leaned a little closer, making their foreheads touch lightly, did he appear calmer. “I hope Lucy will be fine, pushing it doesn't mean it won't happen.”

“Are you okay? We were really worried about you.” Reaching out for the beautiful, golden skin, he stroked over Hyungwon’s cheek slowly, noticing how his pale finger looked like it came from a dead person compared to the dazzling, shining skin he was touching.

“Why would you worry about me? I'm the crown prince, the only heir to the throne. They would rather lock me up and keep me imprisoned than hurt a single hair on my blonde head.” The answer sounded a little sarcastic, so unusual to hear from the prince. “They are desperate, furiously looking into possible queens and rescheduling your wedding. Only I don't know why.”

_Maybe something is up with the king?_

“I don’t want you to be locked up. I don’t want anything bad happening to you.” He couldn't hide his fear, shivering a little at the mention and the mental image.

“I'm not, I'm here, still climbing through windows to see the future prince consort,” Hyungwon whispered and placed a kiss to his nose, very brief like he was a little ashamed for doing it.

_He climbed through the window._

“Are you crazy? I told you not to do it, you hurt yourself so badly last time. I care, I don't want you to get hurt,” he murmured, shifting closer and uncurling his body a little. “But then I want to see you so much that I think I'm going crazy.”

“You know what would be amazing?” Hyungwon whispered quietly and pulled him a little closer, hand still stroking over his sides. Warm breaths brushed over his face. “If I could stay, sleep next to you like this.”

“Do you want to? I could wake you up before the sun rises,” Hoseok whispered, reaching out and letting his fingers stroke over Hyungwon's blonde hair gently. He was so incredibly beautiful, it was almost painful. The pain was the product, the consequence of wanting to embrace, to touch, to kiss, to be together at all times, pulling on his insides and coming to mind as soon as he saw those big eyes, filled with curiosity.

_You love him, Hoseok._

The beautiful blonde man smiled, brushing over his cheek with his thumb, carefully like he didn't want to disturb him through the sudden motion.

“I doubt that I would sleep, and neither would you.”

“How can I sleep if I have you next to me?” he asked, moving closer, so close that their lips almost touched.

“How can I answer that question if I am the one watching your features, tracing them with my fingertips?” Hyungwon replied and leaned a little further. Their bottom lips brushed briefly, just a light touch that sent shivers down his spine. He exhaled against the prince's plump lips and closed the distance, eyes fluttering shut at the overwhelming feeling.

Since when was a kiss this intense?

Hyungwon pulled him closer by the grip around his waist, holding him flush against his slim body and tilting his head to deepen the kiss. It was careful, a light touch of lips and small licks of their tongues, but it felt like a firework was exploding inside his head, turning into tiny sparks that travelled along his limbs. Hoseok wrapped his arms around Hyungwon's body and felt the desperation crawling up from somewhere deep inside him. He missed him, he missed the way Hyungwon touched him, kissed him, the way the prince could make all those things seem special, one of a kind, only for him.

Parting the other man's plump lips with his tongue, he didn't play the way he usually did. It felt more like stroking each other, touching gently and exploring the way it felt.

“You make me forget who I am, Hoseok,” the blonde man whispered and licked into his mouth, big blue eyes fluttering open and watching him intently. Hyungwon looked emotional and so open, every thought written in his eyes. “It is the biggest blessing of them all.”

“You can be whoever you like with me. I'll accept and like you no matter what you say,” he replied in between the kisses and stared back. It wasn't even about pleasure, not at all. He was completely naked with a person in his arms, but the only things he wished for while lying and kissing like this was that it never stopped and that the person in his arms felt the same.

That there was at least a little bit of hope.

 

 

***

 

“Where are you going, dear prince? Have you suddenly become important beyond the succession of the throne?”

Hyungwon paused in the middle of the hallway, instantly recognizing the familiar female voice and the sarcastic way his sister pronounced his title. He couldn’t recall the last time he had seen her face, up close and not from afar as she strolled through the hallways, struggling with her imprisonment inside the palace walls and the upcoming wedding. It appeared the better choice was to let her be and get used to the idea on her own. She hadn’t been joining them for breakfast often and preferred to eat in the privacy of her own chambers.

“What gives me the honor of seeing you, sister?” Hyungwon replied and ignored the underlying insult. It was safer to keep Yewon unaware of his intentions, his relationship with Hoseok and especially his involvement in the current debates. He was always present, but he had preferred to remain an observer.

_But a king does not observe and if you are meant to become one you need to act._

It was strange to see his sister in this part of the palace, Yewon preferred to remain in the areas that were familiar to her. It almost seemed like she was looking for him, aware of his lessons and where he was planning on going next.

“We are family, aren’t we? Shouldn’t it be normal for a sister to seek out her brother?”

The words upset him, not because he believed them to be false. Of course, a family was supposed to be close and speak to each other, but Hyungwon couldn’t remember the last time his sister had expressed a desire to spend time with him, not after she distanced herself for a reason unknown to him.

_Probably because she detested the way you thought, confined to the palace and unaware of the outside._

“It should,” he agreed quietly and made sure to keep his facial expressions calm and composed, not showing anything to the servants that might become suspicious about their relationship. They were known to argue and the princess suddenly looking for him must have appeared unusual, enough to talk. “I am glad that you feel this way. Would you like to join me for a cup of coffee?”

He smiled and gestured towards one of the library rooms. He loved sitting there and reading whenever he was given the time to do so, outside of his lessons. Hyungwon had spent a significant amount of time there over the past few weeks, attempting to fill himself in on loopholes that appeared, societal situations he had no knowledge on and wasn’t even aware of. He hadn’t even been familiar with university regulations and encountered the plan to change the admission rules last minute.

_You know nothing, how are you supposed to do anything when you are oblivious?_

Yewon’s face revealed a small spark of approval, mouth corner twitching briefly before she expressed her agreement to join him in a flow of meaningless words. It was a little tiring and Hyungwon couldn’t believe that he hadn’t been aware of it before. Protocol was meant to bring order, but excessiveness only burdened the people involved.

It felt a little strange to be seated at a table in the study, his sister across from him in her overflowing dress, skirts covering her legs completely and hiding her shoes. Her eyes were shadowed with a little bit of blue, matching the light blue dress she was wearing, decorated with pearls and white edging. She must have complained about lack of color again, Hyungwon couldn’t imagine why else the servants would have agreed to dress her in blue. It was beautiful.

“Why aren’t you scolding me?” his sister asked suddenly, chewing on her bottom lip and fumbling with her skirt.

_Scolding her?_

“Have you done something that would justify me scolding you?” Hyungwon asked in reply, eyebrow rising in surprise and fingers carefully curling around the handle of his cup to take a sip. None of the servants were present but there were still guards positioned at the doors, watching carefully and silently evaluating everything on their own. It had felt safe before.

_Back when you thought the danger comes from outside and not from the inside._

“I’m wearing blue, you hate it when I don’t follow the color regulations. I’m not joining you for breakfast, not even when mother and father are present, I avoid leaving my room. Usually you would talk about me being a bad role model, showing misery instead of beauty and grace as I should be.” There was something bitter about Yewon’s words, like she was hurt saying the words, listing everything Hyungwon had paid attention to before.

She was right. A few months ago, Hyungwon would have worried about the dress she wore, about the rumors that servants would start about her again, talking about his sister being stubborn and never finding a husband. He had heard it often enough, whenever she had left the palace and returned with smudged lipstick, short skirts and low-cut attire, white but unfitting of a princess nevertheless.

_What changed?_

A lot of things changed. Hyungwon had seen the outside, the way people live and the values they have. The little importance clothes and lack thereof seem to have outside the palace. His sister had been fitting in, a part of the outside instead of a counterpart of the glass wall she lived behind. It was cruel to scold her for her misery, for being kept inside the palace walls without any likelihood of changing her situation, for being given friendship instead of love, for being a woman and having to prove her own purity to men who had no right to judge it.

The thought disgusted Hyungwon and he was forced to swallow, washing out his mouth with the warm coffee.

“Who am I to scold you, princess?” he murmured and glanced to the side for a few seconds, remembering where he was, that there were guards watching. “Blue is a meaningful color for the palace as you are perfectly aware of. It emphasizes your eyes and I do not see a problem with your attire. I am also convinced that you are still graceful and beautiful, even in the privacy of your own chambers. My only concern is whether you get enough fresh air, not strolling through the gardens as you used to.”

Yewon appeared surprised, eyes widening a little.

“Why have you brought someone of color into the palace?”

Hyungwon’s fists curled at the words, anger bubbling at the expression. It was so unfitting, so insulting to refer to Lucy like that, to turn her into nothing but a product of her skin color.

_She talks exactly the way your father does, even though she has been outside._

“Because she is the perfect candidate for tutoring the future prince consort. No more, no less. I am sure you have already heard the reasons, you are living in the palace after all.” Hyungwon smiled briefly to express amusement at how quickly rumors travel and saw one of the guards shift at the comment. He must have contributed.

“Does father know?” Yewon’s eyes narrowed, small hand reaching out and emptying her coffee cup in a few gulps. She did not wish to talk to him for much longer. It was typical of her to express her distaste for something by leaving early.

“He knows that the best candidate was chosen and has all the evidence for it,” Hyungwon replied calmly and took another small gulp of his coffee. He had no intention of leaving early, since he had already planned to spend several hours inside the library. There were many questions he needed answers to, even if he doubted, they could be answered by the books inside the palace walls.

The princess stood up suddenly, shifting her skirts around the soft chair until they fell perfectly next to her hips, hiding her figure from view.

“I hope you are smart enough to refrain from upsetting him. He has expedited the wedding several times already, don’t you think it is enough?” The words were harsh from the short woman’s lips, spoken quickly and with pursed lips.

_She’s upset because the wedding was pushed forwards. You were wrong about her, she doesn’t love Hoseok._

It was a calming thought, even if his sister was suffering from the circumstances. There was no way that the black-haired man would be able to feel anything towards her, nothing that resulted in bodily contact and affection. It was safer if there were no feelings of love from her side either.

_This is what he meant, he planned on marrying Lucy because both of them would be able to pursue who they love, but like this both of them are stuck, damned to be alone for life._

A memory suddenly came to Hyungwon’s mind, a situation that occurred many months ago. It had been a meeting of the king and his advisors and Hyungwon had been allowed to join them as they looked over possible candidates for the princess and how fitting they were to fulfill the role of a future prince consort. Eye color and skin color had been discussed, arriving at three candidates that were on the shortlist.

_It was you._

Hyungwon’s eyes widened as he stared at his sister, still watching him with her lips pulled together into a thin line.

_You told them that there was no time to wait and proposed Hoseok._

The image came into focus, the way he had been nervous and decided to speak out, emphasizing the advantages of a connection with heavy industry and how well the count fit into their family tree and how the physical features and the monetary compensation that accompanied a marital contract.

The thought was terrifying, the knowledge that through a comment of his, he had pushed both his sister and Hoseok into a situation they were unable to escape from. He wasn’t naive, he knew that without his influence it could have still been the pale, black-haired man with his ocean-like eyes, but it could have also been someone else. Someone that his sister might have preferred, or someone who would have been able to bear the imprisonment that the palace entailed.

_But you didn’t know, you know nothing, caught inside the palace walls and not daring to climb over your own shadow._

His eyes returned to those of his sister, wide with confusion and frustration at his behavior. Her worry was justified, Hyungwon hadn’t been behaving like himself, inundated with political negotiations and intrigue, only now he had a broader perspective, enough to know what was happening even if he was helpless to stop it.

It was quiet for a few moments as the princess grabbed her skirts with both hands and inhaled sharply.

“You scare me, Hyungwon,” she whispered and turned around, hurrying out of the library, quickly followed by her personal guards who would follow her endlessly, even if she ordered them not to.

Hyungwon was more scared of what was to come than of himself.

 

_

 

 

It was quiet as Hyungwon fluffed up his blanket, unwilling to slip in yet. It was late, but he was not ready to sleep, unable to close his eyes with how many thoughts were passing through his mind. He hadn’t been able to see Hoseok for several days, too busy for breakfast and joining his father in several meetings that took place. It was not by choice, it seemed like his presence was suddenly required. The king took him out of his lessons and insisted he join him instead.

_Once a puppet, always a puppet._

It was exhausting but frustrating enough to steal his sleep. Worry about Lucy and how well she was treated in the palace added to the desire to see the black-haired man. It seemed like his mind was calmer when he was around Hoseok, like the future prince consort knew what he needed to do to take away the pressure and the insecurities. Hoseok gave him the feeling there was something he could do, even if he scolded him for climbing through windows.

Entering into one of the rooms of his chambers, Hyungwon considered taking a bath, even if there were no servants to help him. They would if he ordered them to, but he wanted to be alone, surrounded by quiet and warm water. The injuries on his legs and his hand had healed completely, almost invisible now.

Climbing up the marble steps that led to the large bathtub, he leaned over the edge and reached for the faucet, opening it and testing the temperature with his index finger. It felt pleasant, not too cold and not hot enough to turn his skin a bright red.

_This is the first time you’ve done it yourself._

Hyungwon chuckled. A few months ago, he would have called for servants had he decided to take a bath shortly past midnight. But here he was, climbing over the marble floors himself to turn the faucets and fill a tub for himself.

_Hoseok would laugh at the thought that you let others prepare your bath, if he was here._

Hyungwon wished that he was, smiling at him in the same way he had when they lay on the black-haired man’s bed, hidden under the blanket and embracing, soft lips gracing his in a kiss. It had been intimate, so overwhelming and pleasant. He had hoped for the moment to return so many times. Every time he was alone in his bed, surrounded by his blanket and the lack of body contact that the black-haired man could provide. He wished to see Hoseok’s face and share his thoughts, to find out what the other man thought, to discuss his increased responsibilities and whether he was doing the right thing.

_You are going crazy, Hyungwon._

Smiling at himself, he watched the way the tub filled slowly, reaching more than half way. Examining the mass of bottles on the side, he picked the one that the servants usually poured into the hot water and watched the milky white liquid mix into the water and create foam and big bubbles. It looked sweet and smelled like coconut. Reaching out, Hyungwon dipped his index finger into one of the bigger bubbles and watched it pop, glad that there was nobody to see him do something as pointless as that.

When the water was just right, he stood up and began to unbutton his black pajama top, button by button as the amount of bubbles and foam continuously increased. He couldn’t wait to surround himself with warmth and let his thoughts go, forgetting about his current situation a little bit. The silk slipped down his arms, pooled at his elbows and sank down to the marble steps. There was nobody to see him, so he ignored it, leaving it lying carelessly on the ground.

His skin tingled a little bit with the breeze that moved through the room, not cold but enough to feel it and spread goosebumps along his arms. His thumbs slipped into the waistband of his black pants and he moved them down his legs, bending forward a little bit to pull them off his feet. Again, he left them on the marble steps. There was something pleasant about the thought that it was his own decision made without anyone else's input or his compulsion to follow rules.

He was just about to enter the tub when he decided add to the ambiance and make it a bit brighter, even if it was a little too self-indulgent. Turning around, he climbed down the marble steps and crossed the room to one of the large cupboards, looking for a few candles and matches to light them. He didn’t need long to find them. It was dark but he did not want to risk too much attention by turning on the bright chandelier. His fingers worked quickly as he lit the matches and successively the candles, arranging them around the bathtub so that he was able to see better.

_You’re really going crazy._

Inhaling sharply, he moved up the marble steps and carefully inserted one of his long legs into the water, sighing at the pleasant temperature. It felt really good, better than the way the servants usually prepared it, too hot for Hyungwon’s taste. Slipping into the warm water completely, he chuckled briefly, strangely happy about taking a bath in the middle of the night all on his own.

The sound echoed through the room a little bit and he instantly clasped a palm over his lips, worried that one of the guards would decide to check up on him.

When nothing happened for a few seconds he swam to the side and rested his head on the edge of the bathtub, letting his body float a little among the wonderful smelling soft foam.

There was a movement in the corner of his vision as the thick curtain moved a little for no reason, windows were closed tightly to prevent anyone from entering.

It took approximately one second for adrenaline to rush through Hyungwon’s blood as he sat up, eyes wide and focused on the curtain. It was dark but he was sure that he had seen it move. There might have been a draft, but not enough to move a gigantic curtain. Following the outline of the fabric, he glanced to the marble floors, only to be met with feet. Naked feet.

_Who would walk around the palace without wearing shoes?_

“Who is there?” he whispered, sitting up and staring at the curtain intently, waiting for it to move again.

There was a sigh, before the person crouched down and pulled up the curtain, pale face appearing from under it.

“Sorry, I just wanted to look at you once and go but you decided to bathe, so I couldn't leave without you noticing,” Hoseok whispered, ocean-blue eyes watching him intently.

Hyungwon stared as he felt his face heat up, realization that the black-haired man must have observed all of his antics slowly materializing in his mind.

_He saw all of it._

Hoseok must have seen him fill the bath, undress, arrange candles naked and finally slip into the hot water. He must have even observed him pop bubbles with his index finger childishly. Hyungwon felt the sudden urge to sink into the warm liquid surrounding him and not reappear again, but he curbed the desire and inhaled slowly.

“You- didn’t want me to notice you, so you watched me take a bath instead?” he asked, not understanding why Hoseok hadn’t shown himself at once. It must have been obvious that Hyungwon was going to take a bath as soon as he opened the faucets.

Remaining in his strange position with the curtain on his head, Hoseok nodded.

“You're- you're really busy and don't even have time for breakfast, so I didn't want to disturb you. But I still wanted to see you, so I stayed quiet. I have to get better at this,” the other man murmured, voice low and rough.

“But if I am still awake at night, don’t you think that I would be rather glad about you coming to me?” Hyungwon smiled a little, amused by the way Hoseok looked with the curtain on top of his head. He resembled a dwarf from a fairytale, only his clothes weren’t bright enough. “I wanted to see you too, but I feared that it was too late again. It is way past midnight and too cold to be in the garden in pajamas.”

“I know.” Hoseok slipped out from under the curtain, but hesitated to come closer, sitting down on the first marble step instead. “Are you okay?”

“I would be if you dared to come closer,” Hyungwon whispered and bit down on his bottom lip. The candles shed enough light on the bath but not to see what was around it. He wanted to see the other man’s face properly, he had missed him, more than he dared to admit.

“Do you want me to? How close?” The black-haired man rose and moved one step further, watching him and his reaction intently.

_How close do you wish for him to be?_

It was a dangerous thought, one that Hyungwon did not care develop and reveal. Instead, he licked over his plump lips and lifted an arm from the warm water, reaching out towards the other man. Hoseok was wearing his pajamas, black as usual with a few patterns at the sides and around the collar. The designs weren’t able to compete with what was underneath the black silk, ink that travelled over pale skin and was the most beautiful thing Hyungwon had ever laid eyes on.

“This close,” he whispered, and blinked slowly. The candles threw shadows over his golden skin, emphasizing its color, shadows flickering with each change of air in the room.

He saw a careful nod, as Hoseok sunk to the ground, sitting down on the step next to the tub.

“So, are you okay?”

Hyungwon nodded slowly, eyes instantly attaching to the other man’s features. He had missed him so much, the way his eyebrows were a gorgeous smooth line, the way the corners of his mouth curved up beautifully. He missed all of it and the memory of how soft Hoseok’s lips were against his almost stole his breath away, body shivering briefly. The proximity only increased the longing to have the black-haired man even closer, to have him touch his hand, his cheek, his lips with his thumb the way he had before.

“Don’t you...want to give me an appropriate greeting?” Hyungwon asked, voice lower than usual and hand remaining outside of the tub, close to the other man. He wasn’t even sure what he meant, it could have been a greeting that was befitting of his title, a kiss to the back of his hand, but it wasn’t really what he wanted. He wanted to have Hoseok closer than the cold marble steps next to him.

“Want? Whether I want to kiss your hand and call you your royal highness? No. I want to kiss you, but if I can't, I'll take the hand kiss. It's still better than nothing. Or it isn’t, I don't even know at this point.” The ocean-blue eyes focused on him, emphasizing the serious look on Hoseok's face.

“You desire to kiss me? Why aren’t you?” The words left Hyungwon before he was able to contain them, goosebumps returning despite the hot water. His breaths picked up at the intensity of the situation. He had never been undressed in front of another person like this, completely naked while next to somebody who was fully dressed. He desired for Hoseok to kiss him, more than anything else.

_It is the same, like under his blanket, only the other way around._

“I don't know. I don't know if I can just do whatever I want to do,” the black-haired man replied and rose slowly, moving closer and resting his chin on the edge of the bathtub, across from his face.

Hyungwon held his breath, heartbeat hammering in his ears and chest, drowning out every other sound. Even if someone had entered the room, he wouldn’t have been able to notice, too focused on how close the other man’s face was and the sweet scent of his skin that overshadowed the soapy water. His arm slowly slipped over the marble until it reached the black-haired man’s nape, wet fingers walking along the silky black strands until they reached the curve of Hoseok’s ear. He followed the outline with his index fingers and brushed the other man’s bangs to the side. He was beautiful, so much more beautiful than any other person Hyungwon had ever met. He had never seen a woman that rivaled the turmoil in Hoseok’s eyes, so much more expressive than a storm itself.

“You told me that I can be myself with you,” Hyungwon whispered and moved closer, faces almost touching and lips trembling at the yearning to connect them with those curved ones. “Why can’t you be yourself with me?”

“Because I don't want to hurt you. I'm a hurricane, Hyungwon, I-” Hoseok stopped, letting his eyes flutter shut, before opening them again, storm present and spreading through the other man's penetrating gaze. “I want to have you.”

_He wants to have you?_

Hyungwon swallowed, watching the various shades of blue melt into each other and fight to be the winner, like waves that washed over each other repeatedly. It was so beautiful. He had never wanted anything as much as he yearned to drown in the black-haired man's eyes, disappear in the ocean and drown in its strength.

“What do you mean, Hoseok?” he whispered in reply and stroked along the pale neck with his fingers, entangling them with Hoseok’s black hair. Pulling a little, he inhaled the other man's scent and couldn't contain the shivers that passed through his limbs, urge to bridge the distance and kiss the other man overwhelming.

“I mean that I want you, Hyungwon, all of you. I want to touch you and to kiss you, I want to see you and for you to only look at me, because I'm going crazy. I can't live without seeing you,” Hoseok whispered, biting down on his lower lip.

Hyungwon didn’t know how to reply, overwhelmed by the words and what they entailed. It was so much more than he had believed it to be. He wasn’t even really sure what he believed their encounters signified, but the black-haired man’s words gave each touch and each kiss more meaning, more meaning but also so much more weight.

_He is promised to somebody else and so are you, Hyungwon. You won’t be able to look at him alone, you can’t._

“But that's just me babbling. Don't pay too much attention to it. Forget that I said it.” The black-haired man leaned back, slipping down one marble step and increasing the distance between them, forcing him to loosen his grip of the raven-black hair.

He hated it, he hated the distance and the conclusion the other man was drawing. He hated all of it.

Hyungwon wasn’t able to construct a proper thought or an appropriate course of action as his body burned up at the increased distance and he rose, crawling over the edge and grabbing the black-haired man’s collar with his long fingers. Not hesitating any longer, he pulled him forward and clashed their lips together, mind fogging over at the softness and the warmth that instantly spread through his chest, overshadowing the cold that surrounded his wet, naked skin.

Hoseok gasped into his mouth, before immediately parting his lips and curling his strong arms around him, embrace tightening, as if the other man was scared to let him go. The warm, curved lips didn't leave his for a second, kissing him desperately. It was dangerous. It was reckless and dangerous but Hyungwon couldn’t get himself to care.

His wet body soaked the silk that covered the black-haired man and his hands instantly sank into the dark strands, pulling Hoseok even closer and slowly letting go of the collar. It was cold outside of the water but he melted in the other man’s embrace and couldn’t stop kissing him, licking over his mouth and meeting his tongue. His face was burning, not because he was undressed and Hoseok could see, but because being close to the other man made him feel that way, burning up and shivering at each brush of his fingertips.

“You don't understand, you don't understand that I feel like I can't let you go, I can't, fuck.” The low voice was barely a whisper as he pulled Hyungwon on top of his lap, pulling him flush against his soaked chest and licking into his mouth desperately.

“Then don’t, then don’t let go,” he muttered in response and brushed his hands over every inch of pale skin he could find, frustrated by how cold the wet fabric was against his skin and how much he wished to feel Hoseok, to see the beautiful lines that made him who he was. He didn’t even care about how unfamiliar it was to sit on somebody’s lap, or the memories that it evoked in him. He only cared about the gasps that escaped the luscious lips and the black-haired man’s beautiful eyes, focused on him. He wanted to melt, to melt and to forget about what constantly pulled them apart.

“I-” Hoseok gasped before leaning back and looking around. “It's too dangerous here, let's go to your room, you can put the key into the lock, so it doesn't open. I'm constantly bringing you into dangerous situations, I should stay away from you, but I can't.”

“You’re the only one who allows me to breathe, don’t you dare stay away from me, I forbid it,” Hyungwon gasped and curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck, pulling himself as close as possible, flush against the muscular chest. His senses were on overdrive, body responding quickly because of how rarely he was touched, instantly remembering what Hoseok’s fingers felt like on his skin and what they could do to him. “I want to be close, let’s be close, please.”

“I will do everything you want, just come with me to your bedroom, the guards are all in front of this door, let's go,” Hoseok whispered again, rising to his feet and lifting him easily. “You have to be quiet,” the black-haired man murmured as he curled both hands around his naked thighs and moved over the marble, completely soundless.

_He’s right, everything is audible through the doors._

Hyungwon attached himself as tightly as possible as he held his breath, fear at being found out freezing the blood in his veins and making his body shiver.

“I won’t make a single sound, I promise,” he whispered into Hoseok’s ear and sucked his lips into his mouth, eyes fluttering shut. It felt unfamiliar to have his skin be touched so much, hands around his thighs and warm breaths tickling his neck. He wasn’t used to being fully undressed, not at all.

Hoseok moved like a snake, carrying him and slipping through the big door to his chambers that he had left open, before turning around and closing it slowly. It seemed as if time stopped passing, judging by the way Hoseok moved. Hyungwon couldn’t even hear the ticking of the clock above his bed, the sound overpowered by the hammering of his heart and the increased blood flow causing a blush to appear on his cheeks.

“I- I’ve never been undressed in front of anybody like this, I-” Hyungwon muttered suddenly, face burning and embarrassment that he had forgotten mere seconds ago returning. His lower body was brushing over Hoseok’s stomach and he was ashamed by how quickly he felt aroused.

“Do you want to get dressed?” Hoseok asked quietly, carrying him to the huge bed and letting his back touch the silk sheets carefully.

Hyungwon shook his head quickly, arms instantly reaching out for the other man to make sure he stayed.

“Would you...undress too?”

Hoseok stared at him with an unreadable expression on his face, before he leaned back and started unbuttoning his pajama top gradually and pulling it down his muscular shoulders, pale skin almost shining in the dark. A smooth action was enough to leave the beautiful black-haired man completely naked as he crawled closer, watching him intently.

“Better?” Hoseok asked, barely audibly.

Hyungwon wasn’t able to glance away, not even for a second as he watched the contrast of black ink on pale skin. Hoseok was beautiful, so beautiful and he had never believed that a man would appear beautiful to him, but he did. So much more than anybody else he had ever met.

Swallowing, he reached out again, beckoning Hoseok to lie down on top of him and let him feel the warmth of his skin.

“I wanted to feel you, not the pretense. You said that you feel like yourself when you are undressed,” he whispered and placed a careful kiss on the black-haired man’s forearm as soon as he was close enough.

“But what about you then? You said you don't like being naked, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable next to me.” Hoseok placed his hands on each side of his head and leaned down slowly, not touching him at all. Only their lips brushed against each other slowly.

“I dislike being undressed because I am afraid of being myself, but...you said that I can be myself with you,” Hyungwon whispered carefully and couldn't help the tremble that passed through his limbs. He wanted to be close, so badly. He had missed the other man’s beautiful face, the way his mouth spread in a smile and how his eyes lit up when he talked about the things he loved. Hyungwon had yearned to talk to him, to listen to his low voice and forget about his concerns. Everything that Hoseok said always sounded so reasonable and so easy to understand, like every concern could be solved if only those muscular arms were around him.

“It is okay, if it is you, Hoseok.”

“You can be whatever you want when you're with me. I'll take it all,” the other man whispered and slowly lowered his body on top of him, warmth engulfing every cell of his body and making him aware of the touch with every available sense.

Hyungwon gasped at the touch, eyes wide and sound echoing through his bedroom, too loud to allow them to keep their secret. He bit his bottom lip painfully to contain it, arms instantly curling around Hoseok’s neck and pulling him closer as his legs shifted under the muscular man.

“This- this feels crazy,” he muttered and buried his nose in the crook of Hoseok’s neck.

“It does, but you have to keep quiet.” The weight of Hoseok's body pinned him down further, feeling the thick thighs against his and the other man's muscular chest pressing the air out of his lungs in addition to the almost burning arousal, twitching against his stomach.

Hyungwon moaned softly, mouth opened as he observed Hoseok. His senses blurred just like the thoughts in his head as he shifted a little under the heavy weight, only to moan again, this time a little louder. Biting down on his bottom lip, he forced himself to shut up. His lower body burned with each motion of the black-haired man, proximity overwhelming. He wanted to touch and to kiss, to forget about everything around them and melt in each other’s embrace.

“Shh,” Hoseok hissed and connected their lips, licking into his mouth desperately while loosening his muscle tension carefully and sinking on top of him, squeezing him, especially his lower body.

The low hiss only added to the way his body reacted. It felt like whenever the two of them were together, rules and protocol did not exist, they ceased as soon as the heavy wooden door closed behind them and they turned the key. Hyungwon wasn’t sure if it was only the pleasure that burned along his legs that took his ability to think, even when he was not aroused his mind was similarly clouded next to the black-haired man, overwhelmed by how close he wanted to be and how mesmerizingly beautiful he was.

Hoseok was going to be a part of the royal family, the prince consort, the husband of his sister, but the more Hyungwon got to know the muscular man above him, the more he felt a painful burning in his chest at the thought, at the knowledge that Hoseok would be given to somebody he did not want to be with. It did not matter whether it was his sister, an unfamiliar woman or even another man.

Hyungwon wanted him for himself.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don't need me to shine, you do that all by yourself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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He was going crazy, completely crazy. It was slow, like a frog being put in cold water and heating it slowly until it cooked without noticing. It started with the prince not attending breakfast anymore, he was conditioned, happiness increasing as he approached the hall, just to be disappointed by the pressuring emptiness instead.

He simply stopped going.

_Because you only went to see him._

The more time passed, the more it all seemed like a dream, the kisses, the touches and the beautiful eyes, watching him affectionately, or asking him for a hug. All of it seemed unreal, an invention of his food deprived body and his sick brain.

_Why would he be affectionate with you?_

It didn't make sense, but he still wished for it to be true. He had made more friends in the meantime, palace guards and service personnel, really nice men and women who helped him out and he helped them out in return. Still his wedding was bumped up to next week and he was scared of what was about to come.

_Your parents, they told you that you'll be attending meetings regarding the security of the county and all that bullshit, sitting next to the future king and forced to convince the royal family to buy more tanks._

He was on the verge of vomiting when he sneaked into the prince’s chambers. Not expecting anyone to be there, he almost had a heart attack and immediately hid behind the curtain when he saw Hyungwon walk in to fill the tub and slowly undress. He was so incredibly beautiful that Hoseok had a hard time to not hiss at the way the silk fabric slid down the smooth, golden skin, leaving the prince in all of his naked glory.

After being discovered and having the beautiful, blonde man crawl out of the tub and slip into his lap, kissing him desperately, he almost went crazy which would have had the guards in there in an instant.

_You're insane. Completely insane._

Carrying Hyungwon to his room and placing him on top of the bed, he suddenly remembered all of his fantasies concerning the slim, blonde man and blushed, looking to the side.

His heart was beating like a drum at one of those parades that the royal family organized to celebrate themselves. He hated it, but he was going crazy. Completely crazy. He didn't even know what he thought when he undressed after a single request from Hyungwon's mouth, not hesitating and not doubting for even a second.

_Because he won't hurt you, will he?_

If he was honest, he had no idea. He lowered his body onto the prince's naked form, golden skin shining no matter how little light there was. Hyungwon gasped loudly, and he kissed him, not willing and not able to hold back his desire, desperation fueling every action.

“You are so beautiful, Hyungwon, I've- seen quite a few naked- forms, but you have the most breathtaking body I’ve ever seen,” he whispered between the kisses, feeling his erection twitch against the prince's groin.

“I- I've never considered myself beautiful.” There was a soft gasp that escaped the blonde man's lips, covering his as soon as they separated. Hyungwon was so eager, shivering repeatedly. “I have also never been fascinated by another person’s appearance, but you…you are mesmerizing. I wish I could see the beauty of the lines on your skin at all times. I think of them sometimes, when I'm on my own and overwhelmed by my thoughts.”

“Tell me about your thoughts, I want to know everything.” He propped himself against the mattress and crawled to the side, scared to hurt the other man with his weight.

“A few years ago, there was a painting in the royal library, a woman in nothing but her own skin. She lay next to one of the rose bushes that are in the garden, there for ages. The painting was of a princess from several hundred years ago, but it was removed when I was fourteen as it was considered indecent. I never understood the servants’ obsession with the picture, their need to see it and observe the lines of paint. I merely occupied myself with my books and never bothered with it,” Hyungwon elaborated and shifted, coming closer. His long fingers were stroking along Hoseok’s sides, following some of the black lines. “But I feel that if it had been a painting of you, I might have understood. I could watch your body for days, trace the intricate patterns and how they integrate. For a brief moment, at night, I even imagined having lines myself, covering my scars.”

_Right. You saw them, when he undressed._

“I want to kiss them,” he whispered and slipped down until he faced Hyungwon's thigh, trying to ignore the gorgeous erection on his way down. Inhaling the intoxicating coconut scent, Hoseok leaned in and moved his lips along the long scar carefully, looking up at the prince's beautiful face.

Plump lips parted in a hiss as Hyungwon observed him, visibly shocked at his desire to kiss the paler skin, something he must have considered a damaged part of him.

“Do you know why it is so long?” he asked quietly and shifted a little, long legs brushing over the soft sheets.

He shook his head and placed more kisses along the prince's sides, up to his shoulder where he had seen the other scar.

“Because I was a child, it was big on my body and I grew with it. It was a knife,” the prince explained and shivered briefly, like the thought returned the pain to the area on his thigh and right below his left shoulder blade.

“No matter how I think about it, there can't be a reason to hurt an innocent child. No child. I'm sorry that it happened to you. But you are still beautiful.” His lips found the scar and kissed along it, while leaning over Hyungwon's slim form.

The prince whimpered and shifted again, a little like he was trying to hide his physical response, erection twitching at the touches.

“But you wished to rid the country of the royal family as well, didn't you? It was probably somebody who wanted change and saw me as the possibility to do so, killing the only successor to the throne.”

“I would've never hurt anybody from your family, Hyungwon. From any family. I'm not someone who thinks violence can be a solution. It never is.” He put some distance between them and lay down on his side, watching the prince's eyes.

Hyungwon was chewing on his bottom lip, lost in thought. His right hand reached out and followed a path from his solar plexus to his abdominal muscles, all the way to his groin before the index finger paused and moved back up.

“But you hated me, didn't you? There are always some thoughts one has before actually meeting somebody. I believed you to be someone who felt pride over becoming the princess’ husband, the one who was chosen among many. But you weren't.”

“I hated what you stood for, I still harbor hate, but I hate what they're making you stand for. It just shifted, I still think that-” He stopped, thinking whether it was okay to voice his thoughts openly. “I still think that a time will come, when I will do something and you will have to be king and do what you have to do,” he whispered, biting down on his bottom lip.

“But I don’t want to, I don’t want to punish you,” Hyungwon muttered, eyes wide, and pulled Hoseok closer, arms circling his neck and closing the distance between their lips. “I don’t want to be king if it means I am the one to hurt you.”

“But it's reality, Hyungwon. I'm a person who's everything but normal, I'm crazy, I'm tattooed, I’m gay, and you will be king, no matter whether I love you or not. It won't matter. I won't matter.” He had to close his eyes for a few seconds, swallowing once to not get overwhelmed by his own emotions.

There was no reply, only harsh exhales against his lips and increasing tension in the slim body that embraced his.

“Is that the way it is?” Hyungwon asked suddenly, voice low and strained. “You love me?”

_You do._

“It doesn't really matter, not here in the palace and not in this situation,” he whispered, teeth settling on his bottom lip, until he tasted blood. It tasted like Hyungwon's back then, it was ironic.

“But it should, it should matter.” The prince had his eyes closed, body shaking like he was keeping himself from crying, air held in his lungs and hands tightening in his skin, almost painful with how desperately Hyungwon was holding on. “I don’t know what to do, there is nothing I can do. You are marrying in a week, you cannot be in love with me, Hoseok.”

_You can't. But you are._

“I can't, can I?” he asked, sucking in a breath and sat up, forcing himself to get his shit together, to not cry like a little kid that wanted things and not act like a rebellious teenager, thinking that going against rules will not harm anyone if they're crooked. Slipping down from the bed, he looked for his clothes that he had taken off, fabric still moist from the prince's embrace.

The blonde man sat up quickly and wrapped his fingers around his forearm, stopping him.

“Don’t leave, please don’t leave. I can’t bear you leaving,” he muttered and pulled, attempting to convince him to return. “Isn’t it alright as long as nobody knows? We managed until now, why can’t we do so in the future? It will be okay, Hoseok. I am sure it will.” Hyungwon curled up a little, hiding his nakedness.

“It will hurt so much,” he whispered, gaze focusing on the white ceiling and the big crystal chandelier. “Ah, I'm sorry for being like this, I've never felt like this, I don't know what to do.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and kept staring at the crystals decorating the chandelier, reflecting the minimal light and shimmering on the white background.

“Then maybe for once, I am not the only naive one,” the blonde man whispered into his ear and wrapped his arms around him from behind, hands intertwining at his stomach and round chin resting on his shoulder. “Will it be worse than not seeing each other? You are always on my mind, Hoseok. Whenever I have a single second for myself, it is occupied by you, so how is leaving supposed to make it better?”

“I don't know. I don't fucking know. I don't want you to leave, I don't want to leave you, I'm going crazy.” His voice gave out as he curled his fingers around Hyungwon's hands, separating them, before turning around and pulling the other man into an embrace, lips immediately attaching to the prince's plump ones.

It felt like the blonde man melted at his touch, kissing back and parting his lips, meeting his tongue halfway and gasping into his mouth. Hyungwon’s legs moved apart and he let himself fall to the white sheets. Long fingers pulled at Hoseok’s shoulders and tugged at his hair lightly, leading him in between those golden thighs.

Their breaths turned ragged the longer they kissed. Hoseok let his hands travel over the gorgeous body, perceptions on overdrive. He wanted to touch and to kiss Hyungwon's golden skin, so he did, slipping lower, before dipping his index finger into the prince's hot mouth.

“Bite down on it,” he whispered and leaned in, sucking a small, dark nipple into his mouth, rubbing his tongue against it repeatedly.

The prince whimpered around the digit between his plump lips and bit down when arousal hit him unexpectedly, hips stuttering briefly and legs spreading further apart. He was gorgeous as his eyes fluttered shut, hiding the ice-blue color only to reappear and slowly be replaced by black.

_He's mesmerizing, how are you supposed to stop?_

“You're gorgeous, but I almost forgot what you taste like, I need to remember it again,” he murmured, licking along Hyungwon's abdominal muscles, flexing due to the arousal the other man must've felt. He kneeled down and leaned in, blowing air against the leaking tip of his erection.

There was a muffled moan before Hyungwon simply sucked on his finger, obviously to distract himself. The slim body trembled repeatedly as the blonde boy was overwhelmed by the proximity and the teasing. His hips thrust upwards, attempting to have Hoseok touch him.

He almost moaned at the sight, hissing instead and concentrating on how the sucking on his index finger enabled pictures of the prince's lips around his length to flood his imagination.

“Can I taste you?” he asked, sticking out his tongue and almost licking over the other man's erection.

Hyungwon’s lips parted and he licked over the tip of his finger briefly before nodding. His eyes were half-lidded and his chest rose and fell quickly, accompanying the repeated twitching of his beautifully straight erection.

Curling his free hand around the base, Hoseok licked over the other man's tip, twirling his tongue around it, before taking it into his mouth finally. Hyungwon was intoxicating, even his groin smelled like coconut.

Lips immediately tightened around his index finger as the blonde boy whimpered and his legs spread a little wider, shaking at the way it felt. Again, the prince sucked to distract himself, hands traveling over the sheets and fisting them once in a while, unable to remain still.

“Just grab my hair, you'll like it,” Hoseok muttered before taking the other man back into his mouth and sinking down his length, lips tightening around it and his free hand reaching out to cup the other man's balls.

He could only guess how loud Hyungwon would have been, had he not told the blonde boy to bite his finger. The other man was whimpering and moaning around the digit. Large hands slowly travelled over his shoulders and finally settled in his black hair, tugging repeatedly whenever the sensation was particularly good, thrusting upwards.

Increasing his efforts, Hoseok took him completely, letting him hit the back of his throat, before moving all the way up and sucking on his tip harshly. He wanted to make him feel good, to feel bliss to see that it was okay to feel pleasure, that it was beautiful.

It almost hurt with how the long fingers tightened in the strands of his hair, moving along with the bobs of his head and the repeated quivering of Hyungwon’s hips. The blonde boy seemed delirious, head thrown from side to side and lips slightly parted, moaning around his index finger.

“Hoseok- Hoseok, I-” he mumbled incoherently. Small drops of sweat appeared on his chest and neck, glistening in the light that shone through the window, through the blinds. Repeated twitches between his lips showed how close the prince was, losing his mind.

Pulling his finger out of the prince's mouth, he pressed his palm flat against his lips and let the pretty, long erection hit the back of his throat while he pressed down on the sensitive spot right under the other man's balls, swallowing around his length repeatedly.

The prince must have screamed, sound vibrating against the flat of his palm as the slim body below his froze, muscles flexing in his abdomen and legs, and the blonde boy finally released himself inside his mouth. Hyungwon shook repeatedly, letting go of Hoseok’s hair and holding onto his wrist instead. The prince kept his palm pressed to his mouth like he needed it, breathing heavily through his nose.

He sucked up until the beautiful boy shivered from oversensitivity and let him slip out of his mouth, carefully removing his palm from Hyungwon's plump lips.

“You're so incredibly beautiful when you come, too bad I can't hear you scream,” he whispered and let himself fall next to the prince.

The ice-blue eyes were watching him intently as Hyungwon still breathed heavily, chest rising and falling quickly and mouth remaining parted. He looked hot, face completely covered in a beautiful rose blush that continued along his neck and his chest.

“I- my mind feels so empty,” he whispered and closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again and reaching for Hoseok’s hand. Bringing it to his plump lips, the prince placed a soft kiss to his palm, keeping it close to his lips. “I love your scent so much.”

“And I love yours. If food would taste and smell like you, I'd gladly eat every day.” Hoseok chuckled and leaned in, kissing Hyungwon's slim shoulder briefly.

The prince laughed beautifully before he reached behind himself, fumbling in his bedside drawer. A few seconds later, he turned around again, bright smile on his lips as he held a strawberry between his index finger and thumb, placing a soft kiss to it. “This is for you.”

“Did you just pull a strawberry out of your drawer? Wow, your royal highness is really something else,” Hoseok commented and closed his lips around the aromatic fruit, chewing slowly. He instantly thought how easy it would be to eat if Hyungwon kissed his food beforehand.

_Who knows?_

“I always have fruit in my drawer, they replace it daily because I get hungry in the middle of the night sometimes. It’s because I am slim and my body digests quickly, so if I eat at eight for the last time, around 4AM my stomach gets upset at me,” Hyungwon explained and glanced into his drawer again, taking out a few more strawberries. “How do you know how to do all those things and how to do them well?”

“Hm? What things? Eating?” He didn't get the question, because if there was something he sucked at, it would've been eating.

“No- I mean-” Hyungwon stopped chewing his strawberry and the red color that had faded from his cheeks a little returned right back. Shifting, the prince lifted his knee and brushed over his erection lightly. “This.”

_Aah. Pleasure._

“Well, I have a lot of experience with touching myself, so I know what I enjoy and I’ve also had experiences with others, as I've told you. I touched them, had sex with them and watched their reaction. I can do way more than this, but I just wanted you to feel pleasure, you look so beautiful when you do.” Licking over his lips, Hoseok twitched at the friction.

“Way more?” the prince asked as his eyes widened, almost like an image appeared before his eyes that he abandoned by biting down on his bottom lip and repeating the way he had rubbed along Hoseok’s erection with his leg. It was fascinating how quickly he turned shy, grinning only a second ago. “You- also look beautiful when you feel pleasure. I kept thinking about it, trying not to.”

“There are different ways to feel pleasure, there are quite a few nice combinations, especially with my- my size, but that's nothing you should be concerned about.” Reaching for Hyungwon's hand, he curled the long fingers around his length and moaned quietly, paying attention to not make too much noise. “You liked the way I looked?”

Blue eyes widened and the grip around his dick tightened a little. The pink tongue licked over the blonde boy’s plump lips quickly as he glanced up, watching Hoseok’s expression intently.

“Yes,” Hyungwon breathed out.

“It's because your fingers feel like heaven,” he whispered, thrusting into the other man's grip automatically as he hadn't moved his hand.

“But is it good enough for you? You must know so many things that feel better.” The prince’s voice was low as he kept his hand still and only rubbed his thumb over the slit, staring at the way precum developed on the tip.

“I'm feeling crazily happy during every moment that you're next to me, it doesn't matter whether there are ‘better’ things pleasure-wise or not. But- are you curious? Or why are you asking?” He had no idea why he would talk about it while the prince had his pretty fingers circled around his dick. Moving his hips smoothly, he moaned again.

“Well- I-” The question must have flustered Hyungwon as he shifted a little and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, sliding his hand along his whole length once, tightening around the tip before it moved down to the base again. The blonde man’s eyes were focused on his face during the motion, like he was waiting for his response, observing the way he contained a moan. “I want to know how to make you feel really good, so good you cannot talk to me like this.”

_He got you._

“I- it feels really good, it does, I don't want to put more unnecessary stuff into your head, I think I've done enough during the last few months,” he muttered, trying to concentrate on the movements of Hyungwon's hand instead of his thoughts, but it was hard.

Blue eyes narrowed a little as the motions got quicker, soft thumb rubbing over his tip repeatedly, almost like Hyungwon studied him throughout. The blonde boy’s hands were surprisingly soft, almost like cotton.

“What do you think about when you...pleasure yourself, Hoseok?”

“You,” he moaned, throwing his head back and spreading his legs automatically.

“And what do I do?” the prince asked further, slipping a little closer, enough to stroke over his calf with his own, slim one.

“You- touch me, or sit on top of me.” Letting out a hiss, he bit down on his lower lip to stop moaning with the images that Hyungwon forced back into his head.

There was a loud gasp, thigh quivering against his briefly as the blonde man leaned closer until his lips brushed over Hoseok’s ear, fingers still sliding over his erection, quick enough to distract him, but not enough to come.

“How...do I touch you?”

“With those pretty lips of yours, don't torture me,” he breathed out, almost reaching out to stroke himself.

“Why do you treat me like a prince then? Fulfilling all of my desires, but not making any demands.” Hyungwon’s voice was sure, warm tongue briefly licking over the shell of his ear. “You’re so beautiful like this, I’m a little overwhelmed.”

“Because I want you to feel good, to feel pleasure, to feel free,” he hissed, before turning to the side and clashing their lips together. Hyungwon whimpered into the kiss, instantly distracted and pausing the movements of his hand. A long leg curled around his hips as the prince cupped his chin and covered his face in brief kisses, licking over his curved lips.

“I want you to feel good too, so tell me how.”

Hoseok was conflicted, on the one hand he would've felt good if the other man had promised him not to leave, but it wasn't about that, so he exhaled sharply and turned to the side, staring at his ice-blue eyes.

“Please me with your mouth,” he whispered.

Hyungwon’s plump lips parted at the words, eyes widening briefly as he slowly rose up on his knees, watching Hoseok intently. The words must have been less of a surprise to him.

“It sounds like an order, I like that somehow,” the blonde boy murmured and licked over his lips. Hyungwon’s movements were slow as he crawled lower, placing a few kisses on Hoseok’s chest and abdomen. The prince must have remembered his sensitivity as his warm tongue played with one of his nipples, sucking on it and rolling it repeatedly while his index finger traced the patterns of his tattoos.

“Oh god, fuck, Hyungwon,” he hissed, careful not to make too much noise. “I'm going to go crazy, you feel like heaven, your hands and your lips.”

The prince lifted his blonde head briefly to glance at him, a small smile on his lips.

“You don’t even know if I am any good at this yet,” he murmured and swallowed, smile making way for concentration as he closed his mouth around Hoseok’s nipple again before licking a straight path downwards. Shivering at the sensation, he let his hand stroke over Hyungwon's shoulders before slipping into his blonde hair.

“It's not about being ‘any good’.”

“And what is it about?” Hyungwon dipped his tongue into his navel and caressed his inner thighs with his soft hands, brushing over the sensitive skin repeatedly. Suddenly he chuckled. “I’m strangely excited considering what I am doing.”

“Then show me how excited you are and I’ll show you how excited I am,” he whispered and licked over his lips. He couldn't believe that he would witness the prince's lips around his length, it seemed like some kind of crack dream.

Instead of replying, Hyungwon merely nodded, exhaling against the tip of Hoseok’s erection while he stared at it. Stretching out his tongue carefully, the blonde boy leaned in and licked over the tip once, not beating around the bush too much.

_Fuck._

Hoseok was losing his mind from the previous torture and exhaled sharply.

“More,” he whispered.

Hyungwon licked over his lips and nodded again, sliding his tongue over the tip again, before he curled the fingers of his right hand around the base and licked all the way from the bottom to the top, lapping at the precum that developed at the tip.

“It’s a little bitter, but it’s okay,” he whispered and closed his plump, red lips around the head, sucking once.

He slapped his hand in front of his mouth, catching a moan in time. The most intense had been the sight, Hyungwon, naked, between his legs, taking him into his mouth with those gorgeous lips.

_Oh god._

As soon as he contained a moan, ice-blue eyes met his. The prince must have been paying attention to his reaction, licking over the slit with his tongue while he kept the head inside his mouth and sucked again, this time with more intensity. His right hand stroked over the rest of his length, like he wished to feel the texture, fingers careful.

“Yes, just like that, oh god.” He sounded like a broken record, repeating his useless prayers, but he was slowly losing it in front of the prince's eyes.

It was fascinating how quickly Hyungwon picked it up, using more of his tongue and moving a little further while still sucking repeatedly, tongue rubbing along the transition as his length disappeared between those red lips gradually, up until halfway.

“Would you like me to take more?” the blonde boy asked as he wiped over his lips with the back of his hand, wet from spit and precum.

“It's hard, my size is not really handy here,” he babbled, hoping that Hyungwon would take him back into his hot mouth.

“I have a big mouth,” the prince commented with a smile before the heat engulfed him again. Hyungwon sucked repeatedly while stroking over his chest and thighs with his free hands, taking a little more with each bob of his head.

His hand curled into the blonde hair and he pulled a little bit, moaning without making a sound.

“Fuck, I'm losing my mind,” he hissed, orgasm approaching quickly.

Again ice-blue eyes met his as Hyungwon sped up his movements, sliding down his length quickly and licking over the head and sucking at the tip whenever he almost left the boy’s warm mouth only to be engulfed again, gasps vibrating along his shaft from the effort the prince put into it.

“I'm close, be- be careful,” Hoseok managed to breathe out before he covered his mouth with his free hand and let out an unrestrained moan, orgasming while twitching between the other man's hot lips.

He could feel fingers tighten around his thigh as harsh breaths brushed over the skin of his abdomen as Hyungwon breathed rapidly through his nose before automatically swallowing around his length. Sliding off, the prince coughed briefly, lips a blood-red and ice-blue eyes focusing on him.

“Oh- oh my god, I-,” he sat up and cupped the prince's face, overwhelmed by whatever feelings he had and immediately licked into his burning hot mouth that tasted like him. Arms wrapped around his neck carefully as Hyungwon still exhaled roughly through his nose but returned the kiss, fingers intertwining with the strands of his black hair.

“You’re so beautiful,” the prince whispered against his lips, voice impossibly rough.

“You're beautiful too, like a raw, rare river stone, shining in the moonlight, just for me.” He couldn't get enough of the kisses that they shared, but still broke the contact to look into the prince's eyes again.

It was stupid. He was stupid.

“I love you, Hyungwon.”

 

 

***

 

_He loves you._

There were a lot of meanings and types of love. Several books even separated religion into variations of love. Motherly, fatherly and finally a love for the self which was said to resemble enlightenment and was independent of a figure such as ‘god’.

There were so many possibilities, loving another person as a friend or as family. All of these were qualified to be ‘love', but still Hyungwon doubted that any of these were what brought the storm and the desperation into Hoseok’s eyes.

He was kneeling between the other man's legs, arms wrapped around the broad neck and eyes locked with the raw emotions that were present in the other man’s eyes. Hyungwon didn't know what to say, not at all. He couldn't articulate the way his own feelings were in turmoil, fear of separation and fear of not fulfilling his role as the crown prince combining into a potent mixture that left him speechless.

_All of this will have to end after you have been promised, such is the law._

“But- I will be promised to somebody else, Hoseok. They are looking for a queen, as we speak,” he whispered. The burning in his throat suddenly seemed to stem from something entirely different from pleasuring the black-haired man. His chest pulled together and forced him to hold on tighter.

_It doesn't matter how you feel, it will have to end once you are expected to please a woman, chosen to become your queen._

“You think that I don't know that?” the future prince consort asked, pulling him up from his knees. “But more than anything, you will be king, Hyungwon.”

Hyungwon swallowed, awareness of what Hoseok must have meant before spreading through his mind. He was going to be king, bound by the bond of marriage to somebody else, just like the beautiful man across from him.

_He believes that he will commit a crime and you will be the one to punish him for it._

“Doesn't it… hurt? Doesn't it hurt you to say the words if you know what is to come? Both of us know exactly what will happen. Marriage is meant to be sacred, not something that is broken, especially not by somebody who is meant to represent it. How can you be so sure that you love me? You said you haven’t experienced it before, so how can you separate it from all other types of love? From infatuation, from affection, from genuine friendship?” His voice broke towards the end, pain in his chest only worsening the longer he stared at Hoseok’s expression. The other man was hurt, so hurt.

_Because of you, you're hurting him by reminding him of what is to come._

“I think I should go,” Hoseok whispered, leaving his embrace and collecting his clothes from the carpet. “You can call it whatever makes you feel at ease. Infatuation? Sure. Friendship? If it makes you sleep at night.” Slipping into his pajamas quickly, the black-haired man turned around.

“It doesn't. None of it makes me sleep at night,” Hyungwon replied quietly and chewed on his lips as liquid collected in his eyes. It was irrational and unusual for him, but still he was sitting on his bed and about to burst into tears because he hurt someone.

_And you, you're hurting both of you._

“All of this is my fault, I proposed you, it was me. You might not be here if it wasn't for me. Please forgive me, Hoseok,” he sobbed and covered his face with his big palm, hoping to keep at least a spark of decency.

Nothing happened for a few moments, then he felt Hoseok's warm arms curl around him carefully.

“Do you think that it matters? Whether it was you? I'm here now and I'm in love with you and there's nothing I can do about this,” the other man whispered.

“But- it feels so helpless. I'd rather be with you,” Hyungwon murmured, burying his face in the warmth of Hoseok’s embrace. “You said that choices matter, so it is possible to make the wrong ones. But how am I supposed to learn from mistakes if I would do the exact same thing again, only to have you next to me? I would force you to be here, imprisoned in the palace only to have you. I must really be of royal blood.” He couldn't contain the disgust at his own words, the selfishness that overshadowed everything else.

“It's okay, because despite all this, this is exactly where I want to be,” Hoseok breathed against his neck, shaky exhales and the way his upper body trembled signifying that he must be shedding tears.

“Even if you could leave?”

It seemed impossible to Hyungwon. It was crazy for somebody as desperate to leave as Hoseok was, starving himself and only lighting up as soon as he left the glass walls to say that. Why would someone like that decide to stay in living hell?

“Would you choose to stay even if I found a way for you to leave?”

“Yes,” was the barely audible whisper as Hoseok curled his arms tighter around him. Hyungwon returned it, afraid to let go, to return to the life outside of the way the black-haired man made him feel. It was terrifying.

“Because of me?”

“I can't go and leave you here. I need you, I have the feeling that you're keeping me alive, that I'm only able to breathe when you're next to me. If I don't see you I feel like choking, so I sneak into your room to at least see your face once.” Hoseok leaned back and watched his features, small smile curving his mouth while a tear ran down his pale cheek.

“You mean you sneak into my room and watch me bathe,” Hyungwon replied and smiled back. The sight of Hoseok’s beautiful face brought calm and pain simultaneously to his chest. He brushed away the tear with his fingers and placed a soft kiss on the black-haired man's lips.

“Sometimes I do.” Hoseok chuckled before returning his intense gaze, storm apparent from the first glance. “But it's nothing, my pain is nothing, it's nothing but expensive sadness, irrational pain because I can't have you, while there's so much going wrong outside, so much pain and suffering. My feelings are nothing. I'm nothing. Nothing but an idiot in love with the prince.”

“You're not nothing to me,” Hyungwon whispered and brushed through the black strands, keeping the other man close to him, basking in his warmth. “You're the one who finally made a human out of me instead of a shadow, a marionette following a path that was set in stone.”

“You don't need me to shine, you do that all by yourself,” Hoseok whispered and reached for his face, stroking over his cheek and down his neck carefully, gentle touches continuing to his collarbones.

“No, Hoseok, I need you.” Hyungwon shook his head, remembering how lost he had felt only a few hours ago, unsure of what he was doing and whether it was right. He needed Hoseok to see the difference, to see past the fake information that was presented to him. “I feel so lost without you, like the walls are caving in. I need you to show me how to do the right thing.”

The thought of being left alone in the palace was terrifying, of not having a single soul that shared his doubts.

“I'm scared. I don't want you to do anything dangerous. You don't need me, I'm not help, I'm the obstacle. The wedding was moved to next week, they told me today.” The low voice got quieter, almost a whisper accompanied by a shiver that passed through Hoseok's body.

Hyungwon nodded. He knew, the king had told him during a meeting in the morning. It must have been one of the main reasons for his sister’s dissatisfaction and the heaviness that seemed to rest on his shoulders even when he lay in bed.

“But if I don’t do it, who will? I don’t want them to take away Lucy’s right to study only because she looks different and I do not want them to extend the black market to gain profit. I do not want all these things and neither do you, but all of them will happen if I don’t act.” Hyungwon sat up and rubbed his eyes again, making sure to remove any remaining tears. There was no time to be upset, none at all.

If there was something wrong with the system then there was no other way to change it apart from the inside, slowly but surely, removing everything that was rotten.

_There is nobody who can do it apart from you._

 

_

 

 

“You're crazy, you're batshit crazy, they fucked your fucking head.”

The curses were hissed at him without hesitation, voice high pitched but not loud enough to overcome the strong wind that ruffled up their hair and hit the palace walls repeatedly.

“They dropped you too often, fuck,” the princess cursed again as her tiny hands curled around the window sill and she stared up at him with wide eyes. He was leaning out, holding onto the window sill with one hand while the other was stretched out to stabilize his sister as soon as she decided to finally rise and climb up. It wasn't difficult, not really. There was a perfect hollow in the wall, one that her small feet fit into and as soon as she grabbed Hyungwon's hand he would pull her up.

“Don't be scared, it will be fine, Yewon,” he murmured and reached a little further, thereby reducing the distance that his sister had to bridge on her own. She seemed terrified. It was probably understandable for somebody who had never climbed out of a window before.

“Not be scared? You're telling me to climb along the fucking palace wall on the third floor.” The princess cursed like a sailor when she was scared and Hyungwon hoped she never got scared in public.

He probably was crazy, but the climbing wasn't the reason.

_Both of you are._

The wedding was in two days and it was almost suicidal to risk their lives instead of sleep when the security was doubled and everybody focused on the princess and her soon to be husband. There was no way that Hoseok could sneak out through the door this time, but still they were leaving the palace to see Lucy.

_To let Yewon see the outside one more time._

There was no way to tell whether there would be another possibility, surely not after the wedding when both Hoseok and the princess were expected to be role models and then produce a child.

_But they won't, they won't and people will talk._

Hyungwon's head already hurt from all the problems that were soon to come, but Hoseok had been convinced that Lucy could help so that was where they were going, as soon as Yewon overcame her fear that is.

“I hate you, I hate you so fucking much,” she whispered repeatedly as he stood up slowly. Her thin legs were shaking, surprisingly uncovered for the palace. She was wearing knee highs and sneakers, accompanied by very short shorts that must have been cold with the falling temperatures. Hyungwon didn't understand but he also didn't really care. Reaching out, he grabbed the small hand and pulled Yewon up, glad that she weighed almost nothing.

The princess was gasping like she had run a marathon, kneeling on the wooden floors of the room above hers and eyes wide.

“Oh god, please don't tell me I have to do this again. You're crazy, Hyungwon. I can't believe you've been doing this for years and nobody knew.”

She stood up and brushed over her naked thighs, fixing her shorts and raking through her long blonde hair. She was even more recognizable than Hyungwon was, literally everybody knew her face.

_You're both crazy, Hyungwon._

It had been Hoseok’s idea, so there was a little bit of blame to push on the black-haired man, but Hyungwon was the one sneaking through the palace with the princess, so it was difficult to really blame everything on the man.

Arriving at the meeting point, partially inside the labyrinth, Hyungwon hoped that Hoseok had something less obvious for him, body freezing in his silk shirt, silk pants and fancy shoes. It was too cold for pajamas but his current clothes also didn't help.

“So, you do this often? The two of you?” Yewon asked and pursed her lips. It was her way to mask the fear and discomfort she must have felt. Hyungwon was surprised to see her in black, even when she had left the palace before, she had always worn white.

_Purity and its fetization._

“No, not at all, it's dangerous,” he replied quietly and pulled her a little closer to the bushes, worried that she was too reckless, unfamiliar with how quickly the guards picked up on movement and sound, especially when they were alert

Hoseok was waiting for them with clothes and smiled at his sister warmly.

“Hey. I talked to Lucy and she will take you out so you two can dance, it's- a women's only club so there will be less chances of being recognized. And then, she'll tell you what you're both going to do.” The black-haired man turned to him and watched his face for a few seconds before talking. “I got you clothes, slightly warmer ones, you can change.”

Hyungwon nodded and waited for Yewon to turn around as he quickly took off his way too formal attire, expensive but uncomfortable, and quickly slipped into the warm jeans and the oversized pullover. It was a little unusual as the sleeves covered his whole palm, making him appear smaller even though he was pretty tall.

“I hate him, I hate him, Hoseok,” Yewon exclaimed while staring at a few bushes at the side and sighing in frustration. “He heaved me through a fucking window, how have the two of you been doing this? It's crazy. I can't believe Hyungwon would do this.”

“Shh, I also almost killed him when I heard that he had to climb out of the window to leave, but he seems less scared than I am.” The muscular black-haired man curled his arms around Yewon and stroked her hair.

It was strange to see and made Hyungwon uncomfortable. They looked like lovers even though it should have been clear that they weren't. Hoseok had said that it was impossible as he couldn't have romantic feelings towards women. He dressed quickly and walked over to them, chewing on his cheek. It was going to be difficult to leave the palace this time around.

“He could have been dead, fucking dead. He's the successor, one slip of his thin-ass foot and that's it.”

Hyungwon had never heard as much cursing as he had this evening, wincing briefly at the roughness of it. It seemed more inappropriate when a woman did it, especially the princess.

“I wasn't aware that the two of you are this close, I'm glad,” he murmured and gestured for them to follow him. It was strange and felt different than it did when it was just him and Hoseok. “Do we do something about the hair?”

“We spray it black,” Hoseok remarked and turned to Yewon. “I see your point, but he's not dead and I'm very thankful about that. Let's go out, I promised you fun, before you have to be my wife and deal with all this bullshit.” The future prince consort loosened his embrace and they walked towards the familiar wall. “So, who do you want to touch your ass, me or your brother? Because there's no way that you'll be able to climb it without help.”

“Fuck you, neither,” Yewon replied but her mind changed quickly the closer they got to the wall. “You.”

Hyungwon snuck past the open space towards the hidden area at the side where they usually escaped and climbed first, easily pulling his body up and finding the appropriate spots to place his feet. His sister was the bigger problem, she had no strength whatsoever.

“Please take care of her,” he commented and turned around to watch.

“You know I have no thoughts about this, right?” Hoseok grinned at his sister and grabbed her thighs and behind, easily lifting her over his head, it looked crazy. “Besides the fact that you should eat more instead of being sad all the time.”

Yewon hissed, luckily containing the noise and grabbed one of Hyungwon's arms, climbing the rest of the way. The defined form of Hoseok’s muscular upper body was rather distracting and Hyungwon needed a few attempts to focus on her face.

“Listen up, Hoseok, not everybody can have a bubble butt like you. The girls were betting over it back then. But they obviously didn't know that you're-” The princess stopped talking and almost snapped her neck, glancing at Hyungwon. “Not interested, they didn't know that you're not interested.”

_She thinks that you don't know._

Hyungwon hummed and reached down again, holding out his hand to spare Hoseok the struggle with his height.

“My ass is a work of art, it's tattooed and firm, they should definitely be crying about their loss,” the beautiful man commented and climbed up effortlessly. Hyungwon swallowed at how close their faces were for a few seconds but kept his composure.

“He's kidding,” his sister suddenly commented in panic and giggled. “But yeah, Hyungwon and me are very unlucky with our backsides.”

“I'm lean.”

The comment left his lips before he could stop himself even though it was a little embarrassing.

“Mhm, definitely,” Hoseok murmured and climbed down, opening his arms for Yewon. “Come here.”

There wasn't even a second of hesitation as his sister jumped down and let the black-haired man catch her easily. It wasn't comparable to her hesitation and the insults with him and it didn't quite fit into his impression of them.

_They must be much closer than you thought._

“How would you know? Hyungwon's body is like P-club, everybody wishes to get in, but nobody’s ever been to tell if it's worth the buzz,” the princess remarked and giggled again. Hyungwon had no idea what the point was and climbed down himself, jumping down easily. They had a few minutes.

“What? I wasn't in his body! I just said that he’s lean, what the fuck?” Hoseok’s face reminded him of the scream painting, mouth open and eyes wide.

“Oh god, what are you even saying? I meant that nobody’s seen him naked, for fuck’s sake,” Yewon exclaimed in return, equally shocked.

_This is ridiculous._

Hyungwon pressed his lips together and grabbed both of them by the wrist, getting them away from the wall. It was reckless and apparently, he was the only one who knew about the additional security measures.

“Silence, both of you,” he hissed and pulled them until they finally reached the edge of forest, not too far from the traffic light and the outer rim of the city where Lucy was meant to pick them up.

The familiar red car stopped next to them and the black-haired girl stepped out, hugging Hyungwon first, before she finally let go and embraced Hoseok.

“You both can go to the back and the lady can go in the front seat,” she said and smiled at Yewon in reassurance.

Hyungwon couldn't help thinking that it might have been because he was the prince, something that the pretty girl hadn't known at their last encounter.

Making his way towards the back of the car, he felt strangely proud about the way he grabbed the seatbelt by himself and buckled up. Turning to the black-haired man who joined him, he pointed at his grand achievement and licked over his lips.

‘I did it,’ he mouthed and smiled. It felt so freeing to be outside the palace. The way Yewon visibly relaxed and sank into the front seat was another sign, small hands pulling at her knee-highs like she was nervous and couldn't believe it.

‘You're amazing,’ Hoseok mouthed back with a smile and looked to the front before curling his fingers around his knee and brushing his thumb over his jeans clad skin.

The car got going and they arrived at Lucy's apartment after about ten minutes, during which the black-haired man couldn't help looking only at him, abandoning the surroundings.

_There is so much beauty around you but still you can't help looking at him too._

Hyungwon didn't want to leave the car, he wanted to keep the warm palm on his knee and the ocean-blue eyes focused on his face. He didn't want to be decent, not when there were so few chances to see each other.

_Last time both of you cried, devastated about what is to come._

He was still devastated, but he tried not to think about it, to focus on the preparations, the guest list, the media, all those things he was meant to be a part of.

“Ok, here are the keys, we'll be back in three to four hours. Don't ruin my apartment and don't get delivery, just eat what's there,” Lucy murmured and threw a bundle of keys that Hoseok caught without warning.

“I'll behave, and be careful, don't forget the hair,” the black-haired man whispered and gestured at his sister. “Have fun you two.” Hoseok climbed out of the car and waved at his best friend and Yewon, who looked excited.

_She knows it, it is already familiar._

It was a little unfair, but there was no point in being upset, so Hyungwon pressed his lips into a smile and waved. He was worried, but he trusted Lucy, she knew what she was doing and could easily find a way out of a difficult situation. She was smart.

In addition, Hyungwon was glad to be alone with the beautiful black-haired man. He had missed him, so so much. His hands almost shook at the longing to curl them around pale shoulders, but he didn't, biting his lips instead.

“And now?” he whispered quietly and watched the way one foot was placed in front of the next as the future husband of his sister made his way to his best friend’s house. At least the two of them seemed to like each other.

“We will drink beer and eat chips at Lucy's house and will watch some gay or lesbian movie because she doesn't have anything heteronormative. Out of protest. But she also has Wall-E if watching two guys or girls getting it on will give you a heart attack.” Hoseok opened the door and ran up the two flights of stairs quickly and immediately unlocked the apartment door.

Disappearing behind the locked door, Hyungwon felt calmer and safe. He leaned against the white wall and inhaled the scent of cinnamon and some unknown spice, probably a meal the girl must have cooked.

“If we watch a gay movie I might react,” he murmured and shut his eyes. He wanted to forget about everything for a while, to be far from the palace, safe and sound and without a single worry. “I missed you, I thought I was going crazy, talking about your future and what you will do in two days, how you will kiss her and where, what you are going to wear.”

_Don't think about it._

“I want you to do whatever you like. We will only do what you like today, okay?” Hoseok smiled warmly and put the keys on the sideboard, slipping out of his sneakers. “What would you like to do?”

“I want to watch a gay movie, a happy one,” he whispered. It was naive and childish, but the last one had been depressing, feelings that weren't returned, not really at least. Not all stories could be that negative, there had to be a relationship that worked out. “And I want to be with you.”

“Let's do it then. Most of the movies are a little sad, but we will find one for you.” Hoseok walked into the kitchen and reached for the overhead shelf, pulling out a packet and emptying it into a bowl, before taking two cans of beer out of the fridge and pointing at the living room.

“Is it…the last time we are doing this?” It wasn't his intention to ruin the atmosphere, to return the shadow that seemed to spread a little further over their heads whenever they closed their eyes. But he couldn't help it, not with how relaxed and familiar Hoseok looked, smiling beautifully. Hyungwon wanted to embrace him and kiss his face, cover every inch until there was not even a single spot that remained untouched.

“I don't know, it might be,” the black-haired man replied and sat down on the soft couch, placing the chips and both cans on the low table in front of them.

Hyungwon sat down next to him, right hand reaching for the bowl. He stopped halfway and placed his palm on Hoseok’s thigh instead. It felt so overwhelming, heart beating fast even though he had done it before. It was the situation, the fact that right now was the only time he could be close without repercussions, without fear of being found out. It was the only time and it might be the last time. The thought was terrifying.

“Would you… hold me?” he whispered and inhaled sharply, mind clouded by the thought of what it meant for the black-haired man to not be able to leave the palace, to be stuck behind glass walls.

“Come here,” Hoseok whispered in reply and pulled him on top of his lap, taking off the sweater he was wearing and remaining in his t-shirt. The other man curled his pale arms around him, forehead pressing against his chest as Hoseok exhaled roughly.

Hyungwon wrapped his long arms around the other man's neck, fingers finding the familiar black strands and brushing through them. It was nice. It felt right, like this was exactly what they were meant to be like, close, affectionate, without anybody pulling them apart and forcing them to be with somebody else.

“I missed you so much, Hoseok, I felt like I couldn't breathe,” he whispered and placed a soft kiss on top of the beautiful man's head. “She will be able to embrace you and see you at night and I won't, I won't even be able to sneak through your window because you might be with her.”

Their rooms were connected and Hyungwon couldn't risk being found out, not even by the princess. It was scary and frustrating that everything would change in only two days.

“I won't be able to stop trying to see you. I know it, you'll have to tie me up or throw me into a prison cell,” the black-haired man whispered, not lifting his gaze and warming a spot on his chest with his hot exhales.

“You know that I won’t do that.” Hyungwon sighed and inhaled the delicious scent of the other man’s hair. It felt surreal to be close, to be sitting on Hoseok’s thighs without the fear of anybody coming in and pulling them apart.

_You don’t even know what would happen. They would probably hurt him because you are the crown prince, they cannot lose you._

“Maybe you should,” was the short answer as the pale arms curled tighter around his waist. “But I don’t want to think about that, I don’t want to.”

_Neither do you._

Hyungwon hummed and cupped the other man’s face in his palms, enjoying how soft the skin was against his fingertips. Hoseok was so beautiful. The black-haired man appeared so strong from the outside, firm in his beliefs and convictions but as soon as one glanced into his eyes there was so much vulnerability, overflowing like a bathtub that somebody had forgotten to turn the taps off.

“I won’t be king for a long time, a very long time,” he whispered and leaned in, closing the distance between them and basking in the softness of the other man’s curled lips against his. Hoseok tasted so good, familiar and like fruit. “I’m not unreachable.”

“You’re not unreachable right now,” Hoseok whispered and kissed back, lips exploring his skin as if it was the first time. “I can’t endure staying away from you right now.”

“Don’t, I don’t want you to stay away.” His voice was no more than a gasp as he shifted and couldn’t resist kissing the other man’s chin and cheeks, placing a brief one on top of the straight nose before he returned to the soft lips, senses blurring a little. “Can’t I just order you to stay with me?” His voice broke, uncharacteristically and he buried his face in the warmth of Hoseok’s neck, licking along the pale skin and sucking his earlobe into his mouth. He wanted to taste it all, forget who he was.

“Right now, you’re Hyungwon and I am Hoseok, I want to be with you, next to you, inhale your scent and kiss your red lips, to watch your beautiful face and feel the tingling in my limbs when you stare at me as if I’m someone special. I’m not hating my skin or my eyes or society, I’m just loving you with everything I have to offer.” Hoseok’s ocean-blue eyes focused on him, attentive and serious as he talked.

Hyungwon couldn’t tear his eyes away, fascinated by the way the color changed, rearranging around the pupil and reflecting differently depending on the angle with which he looked at the black-haired man. The bracelet he had been given as a present was around his wrist, rubbing over his skin pleasantly whenever he moved. He wasn’t able to wear it all the time, but when he was forced to wear several layers it was always below them all, reminding him of Hoseok and what was underneath, that he was more than the clothes that covered him.

He felt overwhelmed by the words, by the significance Hoseok put into everything. It was just them, close to each other and surrounded by darkness, but still he couldn’t help the beating of his heart, the wish to be even closer, the desire to just stare at the beautiful man and forget everything else. He did not even care about whether the throne was his to have or someone else's.

He wanted to be Hyungwon, Hyungwon who was able to be with Hoseok.

“But what if I feel the same, Hoseok?”

“I don’t know,” the other man whispered, teeth settling on his lower lip. “I keep hoping that you don’t.”

Hyungwon leaned in and licked over the smooth surface, tongue careful and slow. He wanted to feel every second, to engrave every touch into his memories so he was able to relive it in his inner eye, just like Hoseok’s face always appeared in front of him whenever he was alone and lost, doubting himself and his abilities.

“I don’t want you to marry her.”

It was stupid, selfish even. Something that neither Hoseok nor the princess wanted. Saying it didn’t change anything, it didn’t influence what would happen or what the black-haired man would do. The words only hurt, nothing more, nothing less.

What was the point of being the prince, if there was nothing he could influence, nothing that changed according to his wishes?

“I wish I could obey your order this time, your royal highness.” Hoseok’s voice was barely audible, lips moving without any sound coming out.

“Kiss me.” His voice was sure and confident, the way he spoke when he knew what he wanted, when he was convinced that it was possible, that it could happen. “Even if there is nothing else that you can do.”

“You’re wrong,” Hoseok replied and connected their lips, eyes fluttering shut at the sensation and cool hands slipping under his sweater to draw along his spine. Hyungwon wanted more, he hated the distance between their bodies and the fabric in between. He didn't even care about the movie, it wasn't about that. He wanted to be with the other man, to listen to his breaths and to fall asleep next him.

_But you can't, not even now._

“I want to feel you, without anything in between. I want it to be only us, you the way you are and me without any title attached, just us two, please,” he murmured and shivered, pain returning to his chest even though he wanted to forget it. No-one had told him; no book had spoken of the pain of separation and longing. Never like this.

Hoseok stood up, while taking him along, strong fingers curling around his thighs to keep his weight in the air. The black-haired man moved in the direction of the room they had been in before, locking the door behind them, just like the first time.

“I want to feel you too. I have the feeling that I’m only myself when I’m lying naked next to you.”

“Then please do,” Hyungwon murmured and held on tightly, lips attaching to the skin below Hoseok’s ear. It felt intimate, like nothing else mattered, like he didn't need to think about anything apart from the other man.

He was carried and gently laid down until his back touched the sheets on the French-style bed. It was dark but he could see everything due to the moonlight that shone through the window and covered the bed in a faint silver light. Hoseok leaned back a little and undressed, slowly pulling the black t-shirt over his head and revealing his tattooed skin, thick and thin lines curving over his milky stomach and sides, emphasized by the gorgeous moonlight, making everything seem like a dream, a fairytale. Hoseok was muscular, he could see the defined lines that became more obvious while the black-haired man loosened the button of his jeans and pulled down the zipper, ocean-blue eyes attached to his face.

Hyungwon couldn't look away, not even for a second and he didn't want to.

“You're like a fairy, Hoseok. Coming to bless me but never staying for long,” he whispered and reached out, needing to brush his fingers over tattooed skin, to feel muscular arms around him and to have Hoseok’s low voice whisper into his ear. “I've never desired to be close to somebody as much as I wish to be close to you.”

“I-” the other man started as he looked away for a few moments before focusing his gaze on his face again and slipping out of his clothes until he remained completely naked, covered in the silver shades of moonlight. “I have been close to other’s before, sexually, but- I have never, not even once felt the same intensity I feel when you just touch my lips with your thumb, when you kiss my neck carefully, it feels crazy to me.”

Hyungwon smiled, eyes fluttering shut for a few seconds.

“Will you help me shed my clothes, Hoseok?” he asked and lifted his arms above his head, waiting for the black-haired man to pull the thick sweater over his head, to remove the layers one by one.

Stepping closer, Hoseok took the seam of his sweater and lifted it until he was only left in a t-shirt and jeans. The black-haired man was gentle, slow and attentive, pulling the fabric over his skin carefully until he remained completely undressed on top of the white sheets. The ocean-blue eyes slid over his form, gradually sucking in the features before Hoseok’s gaze finally met his.

“You are breathtakingly beautiful, everything I have ever wanted and more.”

“You are the only one who may have me, Hoseok,” Hyungwon replied, sound vibrating inside his chest and thighs shaking a little at the intensity of the gaze. He felt exposed, a little ashamed about his nakedness, but the tender gaze that Hoseok blessed him with was comforting. “Come here.”

“I’m rebellious, you know?” A small smile spread the pale cheeks and Hoseok came closer, crawling on top of the bed and attaching his curved lips to the upper side of his calf, littering his skin with soft kisses all the way up to his thigh.

A gasp left his lips and he instantly reached up to cover it, eyes widening at how loud it was. The touch was soft but overwhelming, sending a tingling sensation to his core. Hyungwon's eyes were wide as he watched the way those curved lips slid along his leg, more gasps threatening to escape. Hoseok was crawling closer, muscular back and arms on display as he propped himself up against the sheets, caressing his skin, every spot he could find, blowing air against his groin while licking over his hip bone.

“Is this… what pleasurable torture feels like?” Hyungwon muttered and threw his head back, eyes closing for a few seconds at the tension and arousal that kept building. “I feel like I'm burning and you're adding oxygen to the flame.”

“I’m burning with you,” Hoseok whispered, sucking on the skin of his lower stomach, so close but still so far. The other man put his arms on both sides of his waist, leaning over and sticking out his tongue to lick over one of his nipples.

Hyungwon moaned loudly, hands grasping the sheets and legs quivering at the brief spark of pleasure until the almost painful urgency returned. He didn't bother to contain the sounds, not anymore as he slowly lifted up on his elbows to see better. Arousal was clouding his senses.

“You make me yearn for pleasure,” he murmured and shifted again, erection twitching embarrassingly. “I react easily, I'm still not used to being touched, to feel so much. You make me lose my mind, Hoseok.”

“You’re so beautiful like this, naked and raw, your blush and your reaction, I can’t get enough of it, I want to find out everything that you enjoy and drown you in it,” the beautiful man whispered and sucked his nipple into his mouth, hovering over him while his pale thigh slipped in between his legs.

“Touch me, I love it when you touch me, and kiss me, and stroke my skin. I imagined you grazing your teeth over my neck, alone at night, when no one was able to see the way I blush at thoughts of you,” Hyungwon babbled and closed his eyes, moaning softly at the ministrations. It felt so good. “I want to be the reason you feel good, to be the one to take your breath away, the only one you look at, unable to glance away.”

Panting roughly, Hyungwon lifted his hand with the bracelet and brushed through Hoseok’s hair, loving how the black stones disappeared among the strands and only left the beautiful white.

“You are already the only one I can look at, unable to glance away, how am supposed to glance away if you’re the reason I open my eyes?” Hoseok whispered before he felt the other man’s teeth against his nipple, not painful, but painfully intense. Exhaling against the sensitive bud, the black-haired man moved up, sucking on the skin of his neck. He was feeling teeth once in a while, but never enough.

“More, please,” Hyungwon whimpered and wasn't able to help the way his body shook repeatedly, overwhelmed by the pleasure and at the same time needing more of it, so much more. “Please, Hoseok.”

“Your neck- I want to but I can’t,” the black-haired man replied, lowering himself again and sinking his teeth into his shoulder while rolling his hips against his groin.

“Oh god,” Hyungwon moaned, voice resembling a scream, and met the motion as well as he could. The friction was perfect, spreading warmth and pleasure like a wildfire. “I don't care, bite me.”

The teeth continued nibbling on his chest, travelling along his collarbones and up to the other shoulder where they stopped and sunk into his flesh again while Hoseok repeated the smooth motion of his hips, moaning into his skin.

“I want you, god, I’ve never wanted somebody so badly.”

“I want you too, I want you so much,” Hyungwon whimpered and moaned with his mouth open, sensations overwhelming and stealing away coherency. There was nothing else he was able to do apart from shake in the other man's hold and beg for his touch repeatedly even though it wasn't in his nature to act like that or even be in this situation.

But that instant he wasn't the crown prince, he was only Hyungwon, yearning to be close.  



	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His ice-blue eyes were focused on him and he looked hurt, but it could've also been the blurriness of his sight that increased with every second that he stood still, not able to hold in his bodily reaction anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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This might be the last time, the last time they were able to be close like this, close without fearing to be found out, without worrying about constant repercussions, ears and mouths that were waiting to expose something that should’ve been normal but unfortunately wasn’t.

_You’re getting married in two days._

He didn’t want to think about it, he didn’t, he wanted to look at Hyungwon’s golden skin, at his big ice-blue eyes and at his lips asking for his touch. He was burning up from the inside at the way the touches he gifted the blonde man had affected him in the same way, if not more. The way he had sunk his teeth into the other man’s skin, moaning at the feeling of their naked bodies touching and at the desire to feel more, so much more.

_You want him, all of him._

“Touch me, I want you to touch me too,” he whispered before rolling the small nipple between his teeth.

There was another loud moan as Hyungwon nodded quickly and reached out to touch him, stroking over his shoulders and back, pulling him closer. Long fingers travelled along his spine, scratching each time he pushed their groins together.

“Let me do it again, Hoseok, let me make you feel good again,” the blonde boy muttered desperately and squeezed his thigh with his slim ones, goosebumps adding to the beautiful blush.

He leaned back and lay flat on his back on top of Lucy's French style bed, beckoning the beautiful blonde man over to him.

“Do you want to sit on top of me?”

Hyungwon followed the motion of his finger, mouth open to release sharp breaths and pink tongue licking over his lips. His eyes were almost black from the previous touches, thighs contracting.

“Is this...what you imagined?” the blonde boy whispered carefully as he placed his thighs on each side of Hoseok’s hips, remaining above his groin without sitting down.

_Almost._

“Not quite the same- but almost,” he exhaled and let his hands travel along Hyungwon’s golden thighs, lean and firm to the touch. Letting his nails scratch along the smooth skin, he hissed and focused his gaze on the gorgeous blonde man.

“Why almost?” Hyungwon whispered and bit his bottom lip, visibly affected by the sight. “You are breathtaking, Hoseok, the most beautiful man I have ever seen.”

_Don’t say it._

He watched how the prince looked at him, so affected and so fucking beautiful.

“Because I imagined being inside your body,” he breathed out, biting down on his lower lip right after to shut the fuck up.

Big eyes focused on his face as Hyungwon reached out and stroked over his chest, both hands beginning at his collar bones and slowly making their way downwards. The boy's long fingers spread out and followed the dips of his abdominal muscles, caressing along his hip bones and stopping right above his groin.

Hyungwon's breaths were slow and deep, slim chest moving with each inhale. Warm thighs settled on top of his hips, gradually, more and more until the blonde man finally sat down, lips remaining parted.

“Like- like in the movie?” the low voice whispered carefully.

_He feels like heaven on top of you._

“Yes- it was- it was a different position but in general, yes, but it’s just my imagination, you- you just look so beautiful on top of me like this.” Hoseok let his hands travel along Hyungwon’s slim waist and his lean stomach, hissing at the sensation that concentrated in his groin.

The blonde boy shifted on top of him, gasping himself and thereby mirroring the expression on Hoseok’s face.

“Why...do you wish to be inside of me?” Hyungwon asked quietly and kept his palms flat on Hoseok’s body, heat seeping through the points of contact.

“Because it will feel good, so good, overwhelming and crazy, but not- not only for me.” It felt weird to talk about it. He had never really explained things like that, it was just his preference after experimenting quite a bit. The guys he had met were all familiar with how it worked, easily adjusting and letting him prepare them before they started the major part of the fun. He was big and he knew that that’s what the boys liked, but the prince- it was different, another world, different foundation and most importantly different feelings.

“But it’s not something obligatory, it’s just- just something that is possible but not necessary.”

_You don't have to do it with him. You'd take the minimum amount of contact and be happy with it._

“Doesn't it hurt?” Hyungwon asked again, watching him intently, every twitch in his facial features as he pulled a moan from his lips by shifting again.

“Not with enough preparation,” he murmured, fingers tightening in the blonde man’s waist from the way Hyungwon’s butt slid along his erection, fitting perfectly.

Suddenly there was a low chuckle, accompanied by a sharp inhale.

“You know- that is the one thing I'm not allowed to do.” A brief smile passed over plump lips as Hyungwon scratched over his chest lightly and shifted again. “However, I believe the royal family meant a woman.”

_What?_

He stared at the other man’s big eyes, before he lowered his hands to Hyungwon’s hip bones and rolled his lower body over his own painfully hard erection smoothly, moaning at the impact.

“I’m not saying this because I want you, but you’re literally allowed to do whatever you like.”

“I know,” Hyungwon whispered and his plump lips spread in a gorgeous smile, pulling his cheeks up. The blonde boy leaned in until he was right above Hoseok’s face, exhaling against his lips. “I fear I am too curious for a prince, Hoseok.”

_He wants to know, doesn't he?_

“Do you- want me to show you something nice? And I'm not going to- to do anything crazy. I will touch you slightly differently, in a way that I'm pretty sure that no-one had ever touched you before, simply to see whether you enjoy it,” he murmured, trying to find a proper reason to explain why he wanted to put his fingers into the prince's body so badly.

_Because you want to know whether he screams, and you can only do it here because you have everything that you need._

“It is rare to see you flustered like this,” Hyungwon replied slowly and smiled again before leaning back and shifting on top of him. It must have been on purpose this time. The blonde man licked over his lips and big eyes focused on his.

“You may, Hoseok.”

_Okay, focus, Hoseok, this is not some messy wet dream._

“I- need a few things and you can lie down on your back,” he murmured and tried not to die from the mix of excitement and fear that the blonde boy might not like it.

Reaching for Lucy's sex-drawer (yes, it was called the sex-drawer), he pulled out the pink bottle of lubricant and a peach flavored condom. There was a brief thought about why his best friend would need a condom with a peach taste, but he successfully pushed it to the back of his mind.

Hyungwon was watching him carefully, still sitting on his lap with no intention of climbing off anytime soon.

“What is…all that?” he asked until he must have realized how unspecified the comment was. “I mean everything that you did not take out of the drawer.”

“It's Lucy's sex toys, don't bother trying to understand, we've been friends for ages and the only thing I know is that the pink one is called Ashley and the black one is called penguin.” He chuckled and sat up, catching Hyungwon's bottom lip with his teeth. They talked too much.

“I wasn't even aware that there was something like that, but I assume it isn't necessary when you- are a man.” It was a little amusing how the blonde man's confidence disappeared towards the end and he paused, shifting again as if to distract from his own embarrassment. “I think I like sitting on you like this. It somehow feels like our bodies were created as opposites but meant to fit. The way- never mind.”

Hoseok hissed before attaching his lips to the blonde man's neck, nibbling on it softly before thrusting up carefully.

“The way you sit on me, it fits right between your buttcheeks. I really like your butt.” Hoseok reached behind the prince and let his palm travel over his lower back until he cupped the firm flesh and squeezed it lightly.

Hyungwon gasped and glanced away, blush spreading and quickening his breath. The boy's long fingers travelled over his chest and brushed over his nipples briefly, only a light touch, no more.

“I- enjoy the way it feels, like there is a light pulling in my lower body when I shift and your-” Again the prince stopped talking. “I'm not used to being so… straightforward.”

“You can be, with me you can,” he whispered and repeated the same movement, rolling Hyungwon's body with his grip on the other man's butt. “My dick, length, erection?”

“All of the above,” the prince murmured and met the motion, gasping. He must have really liked the way it felt. “Do it again.”

Spreading his legs a little, he rolled his hips smoothly, letting the other man's lower body slide along and create friction, forcing a low moan out of his mouth. Hyungwon whimpered at the feeling, thighs contracting and eyes fluttering shut. He looked beautiful, rubbing his lower body along Hoseok’s length all on his own, teeth buried in his bottom lip.

“You're going to make me come like this, I thought that I'd touch you first,” he moaned again, throwing his head back and trying to think about something less sexy than the gorgeous blonde man fake-riding him.

“Only from this? But I thought- my mouth feels better,” the prince murmured and visibly had to stop himself, hands tightening on Hoseok’s chest and thighs quivering.

“It does, god, it does. Do you want me to touch you, Hyungwon? I will try to make you feel even better than last time,” Hoseok whispered and turned them, pinning the prince down against the mattress.

Again the blonde boy whimpered, right in to his face this time as the boy’s lean arms landed loosely above Hyungwon's blonde hair and blue eyes focused on him, excitement and curiosity obvious.

“I can't imagine it getting any better than that,” he murmured, erection twitching against Hoseok’s legs like the memory alone made him react. The prince was so responsive that he couldn't get enough.

Slipping in between his legs, Hoseok ripped the condom open and pulled it over one finger, lubing it up quickly, before he curled the fingers of his free hand around Hyungwon's pretty length, stroking him a little while blowing hot air against his tip.

The low moans that left the blonde man's plump lips were beautiful, echoing through the room. Hyungwon's long legs kept contracting at the sensations and his feet rubbed over the sheets.

“Oh god, Hoseok,” he whimpered before closing his mouth with his palm. “I apologize- for my- my words.”

“Don't apologize, just show me how I make you feel.” He put one of Hyungwon's legs on top of his shoulder and took the blonde man's length into his mouth, sucking harshly while he let his lubed digit circle around the other man's entrance. He could tell how the prince tensed for a second or two until the pleasure from his lips hit and he threw his head back with a loud moan.

“God, you make me feel so good, Hoseok,” the blonde man babbled and pressed into Hoseok’s back with his heel, melting at how amazing it must have felt. “Please.”

_Do it, and stop if he doesn't like it._

Hoseok waited for an exhale before intensifying his efforts and letting his finger slip into Hyungwon's incredibly tight body. He didn't have time to elaborate on what it meant, curling the digit in the familiar way and rubbing against the spot that he found after a few long seconds.

_You need to get better at this._

The switch in the few seconds was intense. Hyungwon tensed around him, sounds disappearing and lean chest lifting for a deep inhale. It was almost like the other man planned on complaining or questioning his actions until the tension suddenly broke and the blonde boy screamed. His head was thrown onto the pillow as he rubbed his hair over it repeatedly, eyes wide and body shaking.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” Hyungwon muttered like a mantra as he tried to get a grip, panting loudly and pulling at the sheets next to his head.

He watched the reaction carefully and moved his finger, brushing over the spot in the process while sucking on the other man's tip harshly.

“Shit,” Hyungwon cursed and threw his head to the side, moaning again. His whole body contracted repeatedly, pulling Hoseok’s finger deeper into the hot tightness. The prince's slim hips were moving on their own, meeting each motion like the man below him was losing his mind. “Oh my god, shit, Hoseok.”

_He likes it, he does!_

Fuelled by the positive reaction, he started moving his hand faster, while his lips tightened around the prince's pretty length, sliding down all the way.

The prince was gone, hands pulling at the sheets above his head loosely and legs shaking uncontrollably while still meeting every slide of Hoseok’s finger. Moans and screams occurred interchangeably as curses mixed with exclaims of Hoseok’s name and repeated begging for more.

“You're driving me mad, shit,” Hyungwon cursed again and kept his mouth opened, hips pushing down to feel more. Hoseok loved the cursing.

Fixing the condom, he slipped another finger inside and sunk down Hyungwon's erection again, making sure to use both digits to hit with more pressure. The pretty length was twitching between his lips.

There was barely any warning as the beautiful man's body froze in the middle of a motion, muscles contracting all over. The low voice screamed Hoseok’s name, loud and clear as it echoed off the walls, and Hyungwon released himself inside his mouth, eyes wide.

_It must've been perfect._

He could imagine how intense the orgasm must've been for the prince to twitch inside his mouth even after he had sucked everything up. Hoseok carefully removed his fingers and reached for the tissues, wiping away the excess lube to spare Hyungwon the uncomfortable feeling.

The blonde man's eyes were opened wide, staring at nothing in particular as his mouth stayed opened, releasing gasps and pants without a break.

“Hoseok- you-” he began, but gave up again, exhaling sharply and shifting.

“I don't know about me, but you're definitely the most beautiful person I've ever seen, you're simply gorgeous, I won't forget your face. Ever.” He crawled up and lowered his body on top of Hyungwon's, attaching his lips to the blonde man's neck. There was a soft hiss as the other man curled his arms around his neck and crossed his long legs behind his back.

“I- I don't know what to think, I simply want to attach myself to you and kiss your curved lips. They remind me of a half moon, beautifully curled upwards like you are always smiling,” Hyungwon babbled and kissed his forehead. His touches were so affectionate and he seemed overwhelmed, losing his sense of reality.

Lying on top of the other man's naked body like this, he felt like there was more than one reality. He was able to lie in bed with the prince after pleasing him without having to fear the consequences, without repercussions and without hurting anyone. He was in love with the blonde man with the ice-blue eyes, he really was, but he was forced to return, back to the life of someone who was sold into the palace and was forced to marry for the sake of selling tanks and keeping the people miserable.

_You're just a tool. A useless one._

 

_

 

The white and golden gown lay on top of his bed, shimmering in the bright light of the crystal chandelier.

_The thing makes you see what you're going to be. The chandelier shines on your future as a tool in the royal family._

His parents had called, telling him that the king was ill and that he should use his time to get friendly with the crown prince because he had to represent his parents’ interests and would have to attend political meetings. There was no way out of it.

_And you have to make Yewon unhappy on top of everything else._

‘I don't want you to marry her,’ his brain supplied easily, big ice-blue eyes focusing on his face and lips parted, creating a devastated expression on the gorgeous blonde man's face.

_There is no other way for now. You have to do it._

He had used his practical intelligence to the maximum, turning half of the medical office staff into his friends in the weeks leading up to today. The day that found him dressing up in his wedding attire. Layer after layer he disappeared behind the white and the golden fabric, shiny jewelry and the ocean blue of his family emblem. He hated all of it.

Exhaling loudly and sitting down on the edge of the bed, one look in the mirror was sufficient to make him want to vomit.

_What's the point in living like this?_

None. There was none but he was able to shift the attention from his wedding to the mess that was about to happen because of him. He reached for the small metal box and took the three white pills, examining them carefully. He knew that five would kill him but three would be enough to knock him out and make him suffer for at least two weeks, giving Yewon time to breathe and Hyungwon time without being forced to select a queen.

_He would have time to breathe too._

Smiling to himself he looked at the clock on the wall. A minute, he had a minute. His heartbeat picked up as he placed the small pills into his palm, catching a glimpse of the black and white stones around his wrist that calmed him down instantly.

_It's okay, Hoseok._

A smooth movement and half a glass of water disappeared inside his mouth, flushing down the cause of the giant mess that was about to happen.

_Being scared doesn't suit you, does it?_

He sucked in a breath and stood up, walking towards the door slowly. His hand curled around the golden handle and opened the heavy door. Walking out into the hallway, he was welcomed by the guards and the palace personnel who escorted him to the big ball room. He felt his skin tingle, it could've been excitement, but it wasn't. He knew that he had a minute at most.

Keeping his back straight, he entered the ballroom, eyes immediately searching for the person he wanted to see at the end. He smiled at Yewon who looked beautiful in her white dress, before his gaze settled on the white painted face of the prince. His ice-blue eyes were focused on him and he looked hurt, but it could've also been the blurriness of his sight that increased with every second that he stood still, not able to hold in his bodily reaction anymore.

_He is beautiful._

A smile spread his lips and he felt the pain radiating from his stomach, creating a painful ring before spreading into his chest and relaxing the muscles in his legs. He could only feel the hit of his head against the perfectly white marble floor as the light disappeared and the loud noises quieted down, leaving him in absolute darkness.

 

_

 

 

There was white behind his eyelids, something was moving and he tried to shift, to locate his limbs, but they felt like lead.

_But you can move your eyes, try opening them._

He tried, but nothing happened for a few seconds. He could feel something wet on his forehead. It was good, it meant he had one. Finally, his eyelids opened and he ended up staring at one of his new friends from the medical office.

_You poisoned yourself, remember?_

He really wanted to know what time and what day it was, but his mouth wasn't really listening to him yet.

The girl’s eyes widened comically as she jumped up, keeping the wet sensation on his forehead. She appeared to be in a slight panic as she gasped loudly and stumbled on her way to the door.

“Call- call his royal highness, the future prince consort has finally woken up,” she exclaimed loudly before there was the loud sound of a door shutting. A light breeze brushed over Hoseok’s face from the impact.

_Hyungwon. She's calling Hyungwon._

His heart beat picked up but he still wasn't able to move, only sucking in a deep gulp of air and feeling pain spread in his stomach.

There was shuffling and voices that murmured around him, talking quietly but nobody dared to come close. As soon as a door hit the wall with force the murmurs vanished, only leaving the sound of his own breaths and the blood rushing in his ears.

“Lee Hoseok?” a low and familiar voice asked next to him. “Can you hear me?”

His eyes tried to focus until the white painted face materialized in his sight. He wanted to say ‘Well, what do you think?’ but he could only feel his lips move. He gave up and nodded instead, unable to remove his gaze from the beautiful face, painted with worry.

“I see you struggle to speak, are you in pain at the moment?” Hyungwon asked and glanced to the side, gesturing towards somebody located a little further from Hoseok’s bed. It must have been another servant. Once the ice-blue eyes returned to his face, the prince chewed on his cheek, worry only worsening.

He was in pain, but it was nothing compared to the pain he had felt before fainting. He shook his head a little and managed to lick over his dry lips. He was thirsty. Nodding towards the beautiful prince, he had wanted to ask how he felt, but there was just a rough noise. His limbs started tingling and he felt the need to pee.

_Oh god. You need to stand up, you can't let people touch your dick. One person is enough, Hoseok._

“Give him water,” Hyungwon ordered and stepped to the side as the girl from before took a cup with cold liquid and held it to his lips. She shivered a little like she was afraid, but there was no reason to be. The water was refreshing as it travelled down his throat and returned some of the feeling to his body, particularly what hurt.

He cleared his throat and tried moving his arm, pulling it along his body and touching his clothed skin. It hurt so fucking much, but he had thought about the consequences and pain was one of them.

“What- happened?” he lied, watching the prince's worried expression.

“You've been poisoned, not enough to kill you but sufficient to knock you out. For a while,” Hyungwon remarked as he crossed his arms. “I will need to know what you have eaten, in detail, but I understand that you must be feeling exhausted and in pain. Do you wish to use the bathroom? There will be somebody to escort you.”

The blonde man seemed so different in an official setting, expression stern and lips pressed together tightly. He constantly gestured at servants to do something but Hoseok couldn't tell what.

_The boy. You need the guard boy._

“Jeremy. I want him to escort me,” he murmured, not sure that he'd be able to move at all, limbs still tingling. He tried to sit up, but the pain in his stomach got unbearable and he fell back, hissing instead of the scream he almost let out.

Hyungwon's eyes widened before he managed to compose himself again. Only Hoseok could tell how the prince's hands were shaking at his sides, holding onto the fabric of his white gown.

“Bring Jeremy if that is the future prince consort’s wish,” the blonde man ordered again and chewed on his cheek. The way his lips moved slightly revealed the nervous habit.

“You have been unconscious for twenty hours, you are lucky that your body hasn't sustained any permanent damage. I will require an audience with you as soon as you have recovered partially. Please expect me in a few hours and get some rest, Lee Hoseok.”

Hyungwon's voice was perfectly steady as he spoke until he turned around and fixed on another person that had entered.

Jeremy looked terrified as soon as he got close enough for Hoseok to see him, almost like he expected the prince to hurt him.

“Do as you are told,” the prince commanded again before turning around and leaving the room. A few more seconds of silence passed until the murmuring returned.

“He should have let him rest more,” a woman's voice commented in the background. “Even if they all fear for their lives they should let the poor boy recover.”

“Hey Jeremy, mind helping me?” he asked with a bright smile, suppressing the pain and relying on the handsome man who was similarly buff and muscular. The boy smiled and came closer, watching his face intently.

_You can do it. Pee and try not to die accidentally._

He let Jeremy lift him up, hissing at the pain in his stomach and liver and letting the buff boy carry him to the restroom.

_Better than urinating in your bed. It's not the time to be proud._

He still couldn't really feel his legs as he let Jeremy hold his hips while he peed. He would've lied if he had said that it wasn't weird, but he could trust Jeremy, so he let the handsome black-haired man carry him back to the bed.

The restroom adventure cost him so much energy that he almost fainted when his back hit the sheets, stomach clenching in a painful spasm. His eyes fluttered shut and he slid into familiar blackness.

 

_

 

He felt his body vibrating a little, along with the pain that spread in a ring along his upper abdomen. Hissing loudly, he lifted his arm and grabbed into the air blindly, catching someone and squeezing the person's flesh between his fingers. A few seconds passed before he opened his eyes, focusing on something right in front of his face.

_It's him._

He was careful not to say or do anything and just stared.

“Are you- are you okay, Hoseok?” the blonde boy whispered carefully. His eyes were wide and his facial expression was so different from the stern and focused appearance Hoseok had seen before.

But Hyungwon was still the prince, dressed in pearl white and with a small, delicate crown on his head.

“I think it would be better if you didn't shake me,” he whispered, eyes searching the room for other people. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you to wake up, but forty minutes of staring at your face appeared suspicious to me, so I was forced to wake you up.” Hyungwon spoke quickly but quietly, hands instantly letting go of Hoseok as if burned. “I was so worried about you, Hoseok, I thought you were dead. Do you understand me? Dead! Who did this to you? What happened?”

_He doesn't think that it was you, does he?_

“You stared at my face? Why?” he asked. A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth at the fact that there was no one else in the room, only the prince and him. “It was poison. But not enough to kill me, don't worry. I was careful.”

“You...were careful?” There were a few seconds during which Hyungwon’s facial expressions didn’t change, eyes remaining wide and lips pressed together as small puffs of air left through the round nose. The prince was watching him until suddenly the calm inhales turned sharp and the blonde man sucked a gulp of air into his mouth. Pure terror spread out over his features. “Are you telling me that you took the poison yourself? Endangering your body and almost getting yourself killed?”

_It's not as dramatic as he makes it seem._

“I'm not dead, I'm just- let's say a little handicapped. There's no need for you to worry.” He watched the blonde man carefully, wondering why he hadn't suspected him to be the culprit for the poisoning.

“Have you just called your state ‘a little handicapped’?” Hyungwon asked, staring at him like he couldn’t believe a single word he was uttering. “You fainted and you were unconscious for twenty hours, Hoseok, _twenty_. Everybody feared that you were going to die with how slow your heart was beating and how difficult it was to get you to breathe properly. How am I supposed to simply sit here and be calm when I thought I was losing you just like that? On the day of your damn wedding without having done a single thing for you. I haven’t even told you how much you mean to me, I have done absolutely nothing and you- you just-”

The prince stopped talking, teeth settling on his plump bottom lip and beautiful face instantly turning away. It was almost like he didn’t want to be seen, not with how his voice had faltered.

“I lost it when you fainted.”

The words warmed his chest from the inside and he reached for the pale wrist, curling his fingers around it carefully.

“I- I thought it would be twenty-four, but thinking how I had to go to the bathroom it was probably a good thing that I woke up. I thought about you, you were the last person I saw. You visited me in my dreams too, it was nice,” he whispered and licked over his dry lips.

“How can you speak about dreaming of me when you were at the brink of death?” The prince licked his lips quickly, probably mirroring his gesture before he reached to the side and grabbed a cup. Arranging it carefully between his hands, he held it to Hoseok’s lips. It was obvious that the blonde man had not even once held a cup of anything to anybody’s mouth but it was good enough to feel cool liquid slip down his throat. “Why would you do this to yourself, Hoseok? What were you even thinking? I suspected the whole damn palace of having hurt you.”

“They don't have a reason to, not yet.” Leaning back a little, he tried to lift up, suppressing the pain as long as he could before releasing a hiss. “Because it sucks, it sucks for Yewon and it sucks for you. As long as the palace is a fucking mess you can have a little time to breathe, letting your own responsibilities rest for a bit. Now they will have to wait at least two weeks until they can force me to marry.”

“What do you mean by ‘letting my responsibilities rest’? I cannot let anything rest, Hoseok. Everything is a mess, I am supposed to figure out what happened to you and who is at fault. Everybody suspects everybody because it looks like an attack on your life. What were you even thinking? The media is coming up with ridiculous theories about what happened and Yewon is suffering because of stupid jokes that the palace servants make.” Hyungwon sighed and brushed through his hair. “Are you telling me that you did this for me?”

_Better than just going and doing what you're asked to which would sabotage the normal people and make your loved ones suffer._

“Yewon should visit so I can stroke her hair. Are you mad at me? Well, then find out what happened, anyway, they won't be able to find a wife for you like this,” he murmured and crossed his arms, wincing at the pain. He really didn't think it through.

“Find a wife for me? You… want the palace to be occupied with finding out who poisoned you instead of looking for a queen?” Again, Hyungwon seemed shocked, hands curling up at his sides like he wished to touch Hoseok, but was too worried to do so.

“That- that too. There are many reasons, I regret nothing. I hope that it's really messy now,” he whispered and closed his eyes for a few seconds, pain slowly receding.

“Is throwing the palace into turmoil worth the pain?” Hyungwon whispered and carefully placed his long fingers on top of Hoseok’s arm, unmoving. It was unfortunate that they were so pale, painted to fit what was expected of the royal family.

_There's no such thing as worth. You just made a choice. Your choice._

“I told you before, my pain is just expensive sadness, it's okay.” He let his fingers travel over Hyungwon's clothed forearm, trying to remember how his skin felt under all those expensive clothes.

“It is not okay, because I do not want for you to be in pain. I do not want for you to suffer. I want to see that smile on your face that you have as soon as we cross the palace walls and reach the edge of the forest. I can’t believe that you would do this to yourself, even for a purpose. Nothing is worth being hurt like that, nothing at all,” Hyungwon whispered and leaned closer, lips trembling a little like the mental image of Hoseok being hurt was sufficient to cause him emotional pain.

“But this smile, I won't be able to show it anymore because I won't be able to leave this place, it's unrealistic, Hyungwon.” It hurt so much to say it. Closing his eyes for a brief moment, he inhaled deeply.

“You know-” he started, licking over his lips once again. “Among all the darkness and despite my dreams, I really- I really missed you. So much,” Hoseok replied, fingers tightening on the other man's forearm, unwilling to let go.

"How would going through with the wedding be any worse than what is happening now when you are barely able to move, feeling pain with every shift of your body. It pains me to see you like this. Everybody expects me to interrogate you, to understand if there is a reason for somebody to poison you, like there could be a reason for something like this. It’s ridiculous and I hate it, I hate it so much. I want to send all of them away forever, so they finally stop harassing you. I thought I was going to go mad without you around, Hoseok. How the hell am I supposed to make sense of everything when you aren’t next to me? I need you.” The prince’s voice broke as he sucked his lips into his mouth and rested his head on Hoseok’s lap, lying on top of it lightly. “The security was increased because everybody is fearing for my life again. They always are.”

“I think it's interesting how the palace seems like a sleeping cat, docile until you spray a little water on it and it wakes up and rises, showing you that it's actually a hyena, waiting to hunt down everything that moves in the wrong direction. I hope that you don't show your true objective, so that your life is safe. You're important.” He sunk his fingers into Hyungwon's blonde hair, careful to not mess it up and hating his behavior at the same time. “I'm sorry. I wasn't able to comply, not without doing anything.”

“Why am I important but you are not? You are important to me, isn’t that enough?” The prince didn’t look up, face remaining on his lap and harsh breaths warming his right thigh.

“Because you're going to be king and I'm going to be the crack in the glass castle, until it gets _fixed_ and everybody forgets that it has ever existed. So, you're definitely important.” He smiled and continued his gentle movements.

“You’re wrong, you’re not just a crack, not to me. You’re- you’re everything to me, Hoseok, I can’t deal with you being hurt like this. I want to go and fight everybody who wishes you harm.” Hyungwon’s long fingers found his and carefully slipped in between the spaces. “What am I supposed to do now? I don’t know. They wouldn’t have found a queen anyway, not after failing for four years. Right now, everybody is expecting a conspiracy and pushing it on various minorities again, as they always do.”

_Self-righteous bastards._

“Are you having a hard time? Do you want me to solve it? I will. I'm sorry for bothering you with this,” he whispered and caressed the back of Hyungwon's hand with his thumb, swallowing loudly.

“There is only one thing I want, Hoseok. Your happiness and safety.” There was a rough exhale as the prince placed a soft kiss on his thigh and lifted his head. The blonde man straightened his back, almost like he was preparing to return to the outside, to the people that only knew him as the crown prince.

“You have to promise me something.” There were a few moments of silence as those big ice-blue eyes closed, only to open again and meet his in new found determination. “ _Never again_ do I wish to fear for your life for my sake, Hoseok. Do you understand me? Don’t you dare endanger yourself only to benefit me or the princess, I will not allow that.”

It sounded caring despite the commanding tone the crown prince used and sent a pleasant feeling of warmth along his skin.

_Too bad that you’re crazy and suck at obeying orders._

 

 

***

 

Mumbling that had been echoing along the hallway quietened down as soon his white shoes grazed the marble floors. It felt ironic even, almost like he was the foreign entity, the being that had entered the palace, poisoned the future prince consort and sent the palace into a state of unrest.

The sudden quiet was unpleasant, thick like fog that passed between him and the servants that bowed and didn’t dare to lift their heads. Everybody was afraid, terrified of being accused, of being the last person to have talked to the prince consort, to have taken care of him and to have touched his belongings. The fear continued further along the ranks, ending with the guards that were questioned repeatedly.

_But they did not question high enough through the ranks._

Because the black-haired man had hurt himself, willingly taken poison with his own two hands while being perfectly aware of the consequences it would have for his body. The thought was appalling, painful even. It seemed like had Hoseok wished to disappear he could have already done it, leaving nothing but his body as a shell, pale and lying in the middle of the ballroom like it had only a day ago. The sight had been impossible to bear.

Hyungwon still remembered the way his chest had clenched, stealing every coherent thought and every ounce of air that had been present. He had cracked, jumping up from his spot next to the king and screaming at guests to get out of the way. In retrospect he shouldn’t have done that. He should have remained calm and unaffected, called for the royal physician instead of touching the prince consort on his own.

_They believed you were overdramatic._

It was almost ironic, as if the thought of him and the prince consort being close was so implausible to the people that they preferred to assume they disliked each other and Hyungwon acted, acted to be affected to cover a dislike.

_As if you could dislike someone like him._

It was the exact opposite. Seeing the black-haired man sink to the ground the way he had, lying in bed for hours without waking up and lips trembling uncontrollably had been enough to understand a few things about himself.

_You cannot let him be hurt, you cannot, no matter what._

The palace was a mess, guards standing at every corner and even positioned inside Hyungwon’s bed chambers. Privacy was almost impossible and something he was only allowed for a few seconds at a time. He had to threaten the guards to remove them from their posts to have his one and a half hours with Hoseok. It seemed almost surreal, now that he was back to running around the palace and trying to keep everything under control. None of the consequences made sense, none of them.

Rumors had begun about someone opposing the deal between the royal family and heavy industry. The media instantly concluded it must have been a minority due to the currently discussed restrictions on minorities and their vending licenses and for attending university. It was almost ironic how quickly everything was blamed on anyone who was different. Everyone was suspicious, servants of each other, officers of the servants and the king of everybody who dared to step closer to the crown prince. Hyungwon hated it, he hated the lack of freedom and the obsession with his safety.

_Hoseok was hurt but they care about you._

It was disgusting, disgusting to see that the only one who had dared to visit Hoseok in this state was him, even now that the prince consort had woken up. It was detestable. Hyungwon couldn’t believe that he hadn’t been aware of it before, of the way family was only a word, filled with meaningless traditions and titles but with nothing else, no warmth and no affection.

Yewon had been scared to see him, afraid it was her fault if somebody had wished her ill and therefore hurt her future husband. Hyungwon didn’t see her often, too occupied with talking to the press and containing the accusations that were thrown around meaninglessly. He couldn’t let Hoseok admit to having hurt himself, the consequences were difficult to estimate, but he had to quell the rumors.

His hands were shivering as he finally reached the familiar big door of the throne hall, waiting to be announced.

“His royal highness the prince has arrived to see you, your majesty,” the manservant at the side announced before the large doors were opened and Hyungwon passed through, careful to keep his attire presentable and his hands appropriately positioned.

“How have the investigations been going? Have you finally found the one who poisoned the prince consort?” The king’s tone was rough, hands a little jittery and eyes wider than usual. The sight was not a common one. Hyungwon couldn’t remember the last time he had seen his father so nervous, lips pressed together into a thin line and face pale.

“There are a few indicators, but it is impossible for an outsider to have entered the palace, your majesty. The highly potent nature of the poison means it was ingested just a few minutes prior to the entrance of the future prince consort. We are investigating that time frame and hope to have answers soon as security was on high alert at that time,” Hyungwon elaborated calmly, forcing himself to not show how nervous he was. He wasn’t lying, not really, he was only keeping information for himself and it wasn’t the first time for him to be going against the king this way.

_You are full of secrets, like every crown prince before you._

“I fear that you do not understand the urgency of this with your young mind, prince,” the elderly man remarked and fixed the position of his crown on his head, hands shaking from the intensity the king grabbed the armrest of the throne. New decorations had been added to the room, a sign of the additional wealth that they had received through the deal with Hoseok’s family, even before the wedding. “This wedding needs to happen expeditiously. There is no time for such games. The future prince consort needs to recover as soon as possible and the distasteful individual who dared to poison him needs to be brought before me. Do you understand?”

Hyungwon kept his eyes focused on the marble floors, filled with valuable stones and beautiful faces of previous kings, formed through a mosaic of gold, silver and all colors of the rainbow.

“Yes, your majesty,” he replied quietly and bowed.

“I asked do you understand me?”

“Yes, your majesty,” Hyungwon repeated again, this time louder and forced himself to remain still despite the way his voice echoed through the hall. The urgency was difficult to understand. The deal was set, it was still ongoing despite the attack on Hoseok’s life. There was no wish to break the deal, neither from the side of the royal family nor from the side of Hoseok’s parents. Both of them have even reassured the palace that there was no need for them to visit and they trusted in the best possible treatment of their son.

_They don’t really care, do they?_

Hyungwon wanted to hurt them for forsaking Hoseok like that, leaving him alone in his white bed, barely able to move. It didn’t even matter that the black-haired man had inflicted the pain upon himself, the way everybody dealt with it was the disgusting part.

“Get out of my sight,” the king hissed and turned away, body restless and fingers turning even paler with how they clutched the throne. The sight was disconcerting and Hyungwon couldn’t remove the thought that something was happening that he had no knowledge of, something that was not shared with him and wasn’t his to know.

_You need to see Hoseok._

If only it was that easy.

_

 

His steps echoed through the hallway, purposefully louder to warn all the servants that wished to talk behind his back, gossiping that the attack had been a blessing for the black-haired man lying unmoving in his bed. The fact that they thought the princess was undesirable made him angry. Her age was meaningless, nothing that called for pitying the man meant to marry her.

_Not for this._

“Leave us,” he ordered as soon as he reached the door, meeting the guards’ eyes that instantly attempted to avoid him.

“There has been an order to not leave the prince consort unattended,” the older man pointed out, voice low and eyes still remaining focused on the ground. They were both scared.

“I am perfectly aware of that. Is my order suddenly meaningless?” he asked and lifted the corner of his mouth, just a little bit.

“Of course not, your royal highness,” the younger guard remarked. It was the same one that Hoseok had requested. They must have become close.

“Then what is keeping you from getting out of the way and remaining outside, joined by your colleagues?” Hyungwon’s patience was running out. The longer he argued to see the black-haired man without being observed the more attention his actions gained. “There are a few political matters to discuss that are to remain behind those doors.”

“Is it possible for these matters to be discussed after the prince consort has recovered?” the younger guard asked again, shifting a little bit like he was perfectly aware that he was about to upset the crown prince. He must have had some courage to talk back to him the way he did, eyes slowly rising to meet his. That must have been the reason for Hoseok liking him.

“It is in his best interests. Out of the way.”

The older guard pursed his lips before stepping to the side and opening the door. There were a few servants surrounding the black-haired man, taking care of his fever and washing over his arms with wet cloths. The relief that Hyungwon felt as soon as those ocean-blue eyes met his was almost overwhelming.

“Leave us,” he ordered, not allowing his facial features to falter. He had a role to play and only when the door was closed, silence thick in the air between them, was he allowed to slip out of it. The servants obeyed quickly, afraid of being the one at fault for Hoseok’s misery. They were the main suspects.

_You might have to accuse an innocent person if you want this to end._

Hyungwon hated the thought but he had not come up with a better alternative yet.

As soon as the door shut behind the last servant, he released a sigh, standing in the middle of the room and watching the black-haired man. It felt strange to be in his official clothes, covered in white and jewelry and the small crown remaining on his head because he was forced to talk to the press repeatedly, to get rid of their pointless accusations.

_You’re not you, but he is still himself._

“How are you feeling?” he asked carefully.

“I'm better, how are you?” Hoseok asked, gaze focused on his face and sitting up on top of his bed. The black-haired man seemed to feel less pain while moving. The weight that had been pressing on Hyungwon's chest over the last 2 days dispersed like a boulder of ice that had fallen and smashed into a million pieces.

“Better now that I see you have recovered a little,” he replied quietly and crossed the distance to the bed. He swallowed as he sat down, still pained to see Hoseok in such a condition, so different from the strength and courage he showed whenever they argued or the other man climbed over the palace walls. “It hurts to see you like this, even if you are better.”

“I can pee without being forced to have Jeremy holding my hips like in some bad porn movie, so I'm basically back to my prior state. How is the king?” The gaze turned from playful to serious in a matter of a few seconds.

“Irritable and waiting for me to present him somebody’s head on a platter,” Hyungwon murmured, discomfort at the way his father had appeared tensed and trembling uncontrollably returning to his mind. It was unusual, he had never been that impatient, neither about him marrying nor about a deal. “Jeremy has courage, he seems to be a good guard. Even though speaking up against the royal family usually gets you removed instantly around here.”

“He's a cutie.” The black-haired man pulled his hand from under the blanket and reached for his face, stroking over his cheek without applying any pressure. “Hyungwon, your dad is ill. Really ill.”

_What?_

Hyungwon’s eyes widened, surprise at the uttered words instantly appearing on his features and remained that way. There was no way that the king could be seriously ill, he wasn’t that old yet. It was clear from an early age that Hyungwon would only ascend the throne around his thirtieth birthday. It was the main reason for the obsession with keeping him safe.

“Where did you get that information from, Hoseok? There is no reason for him to be seriously ill, he constantly has doctors taking care of his health and the information would have spread by now. Servants talk about things like that. He would have shared it with the advisors too, there is no reason to keep something like that secret unless he fears an attack.” He spoke quickly, right hand reaching up to cover Hoseok’s, using the warmth to calm his mind and how quickly his heart was beating. “Even if it is kept a secret because of urgent matters, I- I would know.”

Hoseok played with his bottom lip nervously before focusing on his face again.

“Remember when I told you that I'm not scared of the royal family? It's because if there's someone I'm kind of scared of, then it's my own family because they don't seem to have any humanity left in them. Anyway- they told me that the king has maximum a few weeks left due to an autoimmune disease and that I- that I have to get friendly with you. This kind of gave me more reasons to take poison to be honest. I just wanted you to know and they have crazy connections to people inside the palace, so I'm pretty sure that it's accurate.”

“Your parents are terrifying,” Hyungwon whispered even before he managed to say anything else. He instantly remembered how he had talked to them, being told that there was no need to see Hoseok and that he should recover quickly and marry as soon as possible. It had almost seemed like his health was secondary if not utterly meaningless. “They did not wish to see you despite your condition. I- I was furious.”

_He just told you the king might die, in a few weeks, Hyungwon. A few weeks._

His breath hitched again. It seemed like a bad joke, something that one said because it was a wish but not the reality. Many wished death upon the current king due to the overbearing security and high taxes, but Hyungwon had never believed Hoseok to be somebody who would joke about another person’s demise.

_Because he isn’t joking._

“A- a few weeks?” he stuttered, heat moving up his stomach and chest and creating a feeling of lasting nausea. He felt the uncontrollable urge to empty the contents of his stomach, hands shaking and becoming even paler than the make-up made them appear. “That- that can’t be true. Why- why would he suddenly be terminally ill? He was perfectly healthy only- only a few weeks ago. You’re lying, it can’t be true.”

He wanted to stand up and leave but his legs felt like jelly, nausea only worsening and lips trembling at the thoughts that passed through his mind, the memories of the king not leaving the palace recently, of the way he had insisted on Hyungwon finding a queen. The way he had kept pushing the wedding, forcing every meeting to take place earlier and decisions to be made quicker.

_He was afraid of it being too late._

“No- no, no, no, no, there is no way. No way,” he muttered helplessly and clenched his teeth, forcing his body to contain the bile that moved up his throat.

“I don't know how your relationship is, but I'm pretty sure that it's better to know beforehand. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, Hyungwon.” Hoseok's voice was almost a whisper as he took his hand and lifted it towards his dry lips and placed a soft kiss on top. “I thought I would ask you what you want after you know the details.”

Hyungwon merely shook his head, fighting his bodily response to simply throw up. He hated it, he hated feeling helpless and unprepared. He freed his hand from Hoseok’s grip and reached for water that stood at the side, handing it to the other man. He was still ill, in need of care and of water. That was more important, more important than whatever was happening in the palace.

“What details?” he whispered and swallowed again, fingers repeatedly shaking and he couldn’t calm them down.

_He included you in every decision, showing you the current agreements and everything that has been decided until now. He never did it before, but suddenly he did._

It was almost like the king…

_Like he wanted to prepare you to become king._

“Details like the fact that my parents wanted your dad to make a few immoral deals while he still could, but the requirement has always been that I be officially married into the family, so they pushed him to expedite the wedding. That's why I did what I did so now I can't get married for two weeks at least. Your dad will do it, but I wouldn't if I was him, so there are two possibilities. Either I poison myself until it's too late for your dad, or- I'll meet him and tell him about why it's a bad idea.” Hoseok looked determined, fingers clenching into tight fists on top of his blanket.

“You’re crazy,” Hyungwon whispered as he reached out and intertwined their fingers. It felt better, almost like everything was going to be alright. “Why would you go to him? What would you even tell him? He won’t believe a single word you say unless you bow three times and have proof. He’s- there isn’t much that he cares about more than protocol. What does he gain from the deal? Are the repercussions really damaging enough for him to break it off?”

“They must have manipulated some of the advisors too, scaring the king with non-existent political turmoil, blaming the minorities and creating a big picture of a threat that isn't there. I really didn't want to take part in any of it, but I'm a tool and therefore involved. To be honest, I don't like your dad, he brought so much misery to the people around him, but I know that- I know that the person who will have to deal with this will be you, Hyungwon. This is why I can't stand by and watch.” Hoseok's stare looked crazy, storm and determination even more apparent in contrast to his unusually pale face. He must have felt sick.

_It is like a conspiracy, a conspiracy behind the king’s back._

“What is the deal?” He forced himself to remain calm, to focus on the important aspects. This deal was what brought Hoseok misery and worried him beyond belief, desperate enough to approach the king. If there was something that Hyungwon was able to do, then he had to do it.

“Tightened security by arming the street police and putting surveillance everywhere. The people will go crazy, Hyungwon, and they only want to sell more weapons and surveillance technology. That's why. They want to bring tanks to the borders, it's like war, even though there's no threat. I- I am not someone who supports the royal family, I'm not and I will never be, but it'll lead to the palace crumbling down. I'm sure of this.”

Hyungwon inhaled sharply, images of discussions that he had with the king and his advisors in the past few weeks returning to his mind. All of it had been focused on increased security. Even now it had only increased as a reaction to Hoseok’s actions.

“But isn’t you lying here only making it worse? They will believe it is not just a threat anymore but actual danger from the outside with how you were hurt already. The media is reporting that it was the minorities again, opposing the deal with heavy industry and therefore attacking you as a warning. What the hell is supposed to stop this now?” He squeezed the black-haired man’s hand, scared of what all those decisions meant. “You mean the people will demand to overthrow the royal family for taking away privacy, the one thing that still exists outside the palace.”

“They- they all have no idea what it is like because they just sit behind these white walls, but freedom is the only reason why this scheme works. They can't sign the deal, Hyungwon. Not until I’m an official member of the royal family. That's why I'm here. I don't care how many guards there are, I can't let them get away with this.” Crossing his muscular arms, Hoseok leaned back and inhaled deeply, paleness only increasing. “I just hate being weak like this, not having the strength to confront them, but it's still better than having my parents sign the deal.”

Hyungwon just stared, disbelieving that the black-haired man would go to such measures in order to keep an agreement from being signed. It was a new level of courage, of self-sacrifice that he struggled to follow.

“I don’t understand, Hoseok. Are you saying you wish to stall the deal for as long as you can? Until- until the king is unable to push it through anymore?” It hurt to say it, realization of what the words really meant pulling at his conscience. The thought hurt, no matter how distant he had been to his father over the years, he was still family.

The ocean-blue eyes focused on him as Hoseok nodded slowly, licking over his dry lips again. The black-haired man was still weak as one could plainly see.

“You want me to decide? To choose whether the deal is to be signed or not? How am I supposed to oppose it if it was agreed before my reign? It is signed, settled with your wedding. As soon as you step in front of the alter it will be taken care of, independent of my involvement unless I can prove that some of the conditions are not met.” Hyungwon gasped and lifted his hands to his head, massaging his temples at the pain that suddenly developed. It was too much, too much at once that needed to be taken care of. He wasn’t prepared for this, not at all. He had only now begun to engage in the decision-making process in an attempt to change something, to help Lucy and other people. How the hell was he supposed to take over everything in a matter of weeks? Advisors would attempt to take the power. “I will not be the one to decide, advisors will. They will consider me unfit to rule in such a short time.”

“They can go fuck themselves. As soon as I'm married, I'll be on the board too, but I can't do it now, it's shaky and- god, I don't even want to sit on any board, I just want-” A sharp exhale followed before Hoseok looked up again. “I just wanted you to know about your dad.”

“The prince consort is usually not allowed to be on the board, because of possible opposition to the throne. Or is it because of your family position? Is it in the agreement? Do they wish to use you to influence the board?” Hyungwon’s hands began to shake again. He did not know how much time he still had to be alone with the black-haired man, but it wasn’t enough. It never was. “I am never alone anymore and neither are you, I cannot see you, even if I want to.”

“I will get better and come to you,” the black-haired man whispered, lifting his hand again and brushing over his cheek carefully.

“You can’t. There are guards in my chambers at night for the time being,” Hyungwon whispered and felt the sudden urge to bury his head in the other man’s lap and forget about everything. He desired to enjoy Hoseok’s touch and forget about everything else, about the pressure from outside, the media that constantly turned the words in his mouth and the guards that didn’t allow him the briefest moment of solitude.

“Then they have to tie me up,” the other man whispered with a playful smile, kissing his index finger and reaching out to press it against his lips. “You're everything I ever think about.”

“I feel the same, Hoseok, I do.” Desperation seeped into the sound of his voice as he curled his hand around Hoseok’s index finger and moved it to the side before leaning in, exhaling against the black-haired man’s face. It was overwhelming, like he barely remembered the way it felt to be close. “Whenever the trees outside rustle I imagine it to be the sound of your naked feet on the marble floors, coming to see me. I still remember how it felt to be embraced by you in my bed, the way you kissed me in my chambers, the way you embraced and touched me outside the palace walls. I cannot forget all of this and become king, Hoseok. I am scared, I am so scared.”

“Shh, you don't have to be, when I swallowed the poison, I thought about what would happen if I miscalculated, if I died, and for the first time in my life I really didn't want that to happen. Because of you. It was because of you, all of it. You can be everything, my golden prince, everything and more,” Hoseok whispered and embraced him, gently stroking his hair, making sure to not touch the crown. “I love you, I love you so much.”

Hyungwon’s eyes burned as he opened them wide, holding his breath to fight his response, to reduce the likelihood that as soon as he stepped out of the room, returned before the eyes of his servants, there would be something to hold against him. He couldn’t afford that.

“I need you, Hoseok. I need you so much, I am going crazy without you around me,” he muttered, lips shivering as he pressed them to the pale skin of the black-haired man’s palm. It felt so warm, a side-effect of the poison that could have taken Hoseok’s life. “I cannot bear losing you, not now and not ever. It does not matter whether I am the king or not. I will do as you say, if the deal must not happen, then it will not happen, I will do everything to make sure of that. But stay with me,” he swallowed, “Please.”

“I told you that I can't let go of you. I'm not able to. Just be the good person you are, independent of whether I'm lying here or not. You can do it.” The other man smiled, curved lips spreading a little. “And now go, they'll get suspicious. Here, this is for you,” Hoseok whispered and reached under his pillow, pulling out a folded sheet of paper. A letter. “Don't forget to burn it after you've read it.”

Hyungwon nodded quickly as he hid it away among his garments. It would be difficult to find a few moments of solitude to read it, but he was going to make sure he had them. If guards were what kept him from seeing the black-haired man, then he would have to do something about it.

_You are the prince, what keeps you from reducing security if you deem it appropriate?_

Hyungwon had always been good at convincing others of his opinion. It was time to put it to good use again.

“I will make sure to see you again, I promise,” he whispered and dared to lean in, touching those curved lips he had spent hours thinking about over the past few days, fearing that they would be someone else’s to kiss. The touch was brief, so brief he desired to repeat it to make sure it had really happened. But he didn’t, instead he stood up and brushed over his white garments, arranging them appropriately. “You are the most important to me, Hoseok, you truly are.”

A tired smile was the reply, as the black-haired man closed his eyes for a few seconds before nodding.

“See you soon, Hyungwon,” Hoseok murmured and kept the ocean-blue hidden behind his eyelids.

_You need to do something about this, Hyungwon, if not for yourself then for him._

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I am yours. I feel as if I’m inhaling only because I know that there’s you. It sounds so crazy, stupid and unrealistic, but it’s precisely how I feel. I don’t know how to describe this otherwise. I want to be close to you, so close that there’s nothing between us, only you and me. Us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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‘ _Are you lonely?_  
I know it’s not proper to start a letter with a question, but you know that I have never really cared much about stuff like this, don’t you? It feels strange, but you do, there is so much that you know about me, how I think about the society we live in and what kind of face I make when I talk about my family or your family. You know how I look at you when I touch you and you know what my genuine smile looks like. Do you also know that this smile is for you and for you only? If you don’t, then let me tell you that it is. It’s yours. I’m yours.  
You must be exhausted attending useless meetings and incredibly pressured by the words I told you before, but I still hope that you can muster through it, that you can grow and overcome what is heading your way, I know you can. I know it because I also know how you look when you talk about your family and your childhood, how your expression changes when I show or tell you about the misery outside, how you look when I touch you and what your genuine smile looks like. I don’t know whether this smile of yours is for me only, but I thought about it while the poison spread throughout my body. I imagined that it was, that you, despite us being different, might feel the same wrecking ball of emotions that I feel for you every day. While thinking like this the pain became less prominent. Sure, it was there, it hurt, it still does, but seeing your smile in front of my inner eye and knowing that there is you existing somewhere at the same time makes me positive that this life I lived, filled with misery and pain, was worth it. Because I’ve met you. I’ve met you and I stopped feeling as if I’m alone in this world.  
From the person who loves you.’

He had known his letter by heart, repeating the sentences inside his head as he had known that he had precisely one minute to write it down on the sheet of paper that Jeremy had brought him. Even now, after he had given the folded letter to Hyungwon, he lay in his bed and kept repeating the words one by one, creating a pattern and finally a sentence that made sense.

_You’re going crazy, aren’t you?_

He kind of was, his condition got better, but progress was slow, too slow. Torn between satisfaction from the knowledge that his family would have to delay the signing of the surveillance deal until he was married and the frustration from the weakness he felt in his body. He managed to walk around and started doing a few exercises that didn’t affect his body too much.

_You passed out twice._

He did, but he learned his lesson and was extra careful after that. Yewon had visited once and he did his best to comfort his blonde friend, smiling at her and telling her jokes. She looked as if she hadn't slept.

_Probably because there are rumors._

 

_ __  
  
Stretching his arms and legs to limber up, he waited for Jeremy and his guard friend to arrive. Once in his room and apprised of his plan, he exchanged his pajamas for the uniform and let the friend lay down in his bed as a decoy.

_Just don’t fuck up._

Watching his reflection in the mirror, he pulled the cap down over his eyes and looked at the golden color of his skin, he liked it, Lucy’s self-tanning lotion was the best. Grinning, he gave a mock salute, before getting pinched by Jeremy who suppressed a giggle.

_Let’s do it._

Walking out of the door, he let Jeremy report that ‘the future prince consort’ fell asleep and wished to not be disturbed till the morning and walked over to the prince’s chambers to change shifts with the guards there. Jeremy knew most of them and it had been easy, except that he had to put almost all of his energy into walking straight and not appearing suspicious. He had lost weight along with some muscle mass, so it was a little easier to not get recognized by his body form.

_Hyungwon will have a fucking heart attack._

Greeting the two guards that were in front of the prince’s chamber instead of inside for some reason, Hoseok kept his gaze low and stayed behind Jeremy, who did the talking.

“He is in a really bad mood, so he basically threw us out. Don’t think that you can go inside, but still check the situation once in a while, it’s his majesty’s order,” the shorter man murmured, obviously dissatisfied.

“It’s fine, we will see what we can do about it,” Jeremy replied and performed the greeting before positioning himself on one side of the door and nodding at him.

_Now._

He waited until both guards from the previous shift disappeared behind the corner, joking and cursing out Hyungwon as the reason they were not getting laid and curled his golden fingers around the handle, pressing it and slipping inside quickly. He looked around before he spotted the prince who was sitting on top of his bed, long pajama-clad legs stretched out and a book on his lap. The noise instantly grabbed his attention as he turned around and his eyes narrowed. Hoseok had never seen Hyungwon look at him that way.

“Which part of ‘do not enter’ have you misunderstood if I may ask?” he commented and returned his attention back to his book, obviously expecting Hoseok to fuck off as quickly as he had appeared.

_Sexy._

Hoseok liked the fact that the prince didn’t recognize him and he intended to act a little more. He watched Hyungwon a while longer, leaning against the heavy wooden door and gaining additional energy to move before he pushed himself away and walked around the bed, slow steps from his boots echoing in the spacious room.

There was an expression of pure disbelief on Hyungwon’s features as he looked up again. No make-up covered his face, skin a beautiful golden tone as it was nighttime and he was ready to go to bed. If Hoseok hadn’t disturbed him that is.

“It is of no importance what the king has ordered you to do. While you are here you are _my_ guard and meant to follow _my_ orders, which happen to be that you _instantly_ take your physical mass and remove yourself from my chambers. _Now_.”

He loved it. Damn it, he loved it so much. Shaking his head while making sure to hide his face, Hoseok sat down on the other side of the bed, back to back with the prince and starting to untie the laces on his boots.

“How- _dare_ you?!” There was a hiss that expressed pure incredulity as the book was suddenly slammed shut with a loud noise and thrown to the bed. Hoseok didn’t even have the possibility to say or do anything before the prince moved forward, grabbed his uniform collar and threw him to the sheets, pinning him down with his big eyes narrowed in fury. “Do you believe that you are able to do as you wish because of physical superiority? Do you have nothing to fear?”

He let out a soundless exhale, making sure to not make too much noise and ignoring the pain from the pressure on his torso. Hissing quietly, he finally spread his lips in a grin and looked up.

“Not really, no,” he whispered.

Hyungwon’s lips pulled together into a thin line, almost completely disappearing off his gorgeous face as he kept staring, grip remaining tight on Hoseok’s collar. The way the moonlight shone into the room made it obvious why the prince had not changed his reaction yet. Light mainly fell on the ice-blue eyes instead of Hoseok’s face and the desk lamp was blocked by his body. The blonde man probably couldn’t see his expressions properly, having his voice as the only hint wasn’t enough. Obviously.

_Screw the thing with the smile and all this crap, he can’t even recognize you, holy shit._

“That is something honorable,” the prince whispered eventually as the grip reduced a little bit, showing that Hyungwon had much more strength in his body than his build suggested. “What do you want, boy?”

“You,” he murmured, licking over his lips and almost dying at how the blonde man leaned over, propping himself up on his stomach with one hand. It got too much and he sucked in a breath before speaking further. “I guess that it’s the tanning lotion?”

“Oh god,” Hyungwon muttered suddenly, voice uncharacteristically high just like the curse as he instantly slipped off Hoseok’s body and held a palm in front of his lips, shock obvious. “Hoseok, you are crazy, you are simply crazy. What are you doing here?”

“Dying?” he whispered, immediately curling up at the stabbing pain and sucking in a long breath to calm down the instant feeling of his circulation giving up on him.

Hyungwon visibly panicked as he loosened the pressure of the uniform belt and carefully placed Hoseok on top of the bed, not even bothering to undo his boots properly.

“I am sorry, I am so sorry, I just did not except you to come in dressed as a guard. I fought with them for the whole day and- I am so tired,” the prince whispered, voice urgent as he continued to loosen the buttons on the top, followed by the button of the uniform. Licking over his lips quickly, Hyungwon jumped off the bed and undid his boots, throwing them to the side and placing the warm blanket on top of Hoseok. “I cannot believe you dressed like a guard. I am not even sure what is worse, being found with you in my room or a guard in my bed. Dear god.”

“Turn the key,” he murmured, agony slowly dissipating and leaving a slightly uncomfortable feeling, but nothing more. “I thought I was going nuts, so I came. I have until 5AM. I’ll go back then.”

“You should be resting and getting a lot of sleep,” Hyungwon murmured, lips pursed again like he disapproved of Hoseok’s suicidal tendencies. Which he probably did. The prince sprinted over to the door and closed it with the key from the inside. “Have you placed Jeremy outside, your partner in crime?”

“He’s the cutest and helps me out with everything, I don’t know what I would do without him. He saw my dick, so we’re close.” Hoseok chuckled and shifted a little, moving higher and resting his head against the headboard.

“And... how many people are there that have seen your- you know- and are therefore close?” the blonde prince asked as he closed the distance and removed his book from the sheets, placing it on the night table after inserting a golden bookmark.

“Outside? Don’t know, here in the palace? You and Jeremy. But are you tired? I haven’t asked you but I also had no opportunity to, so please bear with my presence.” Throwing the blanket to the side, Hoseok inhaled once. He felt warm.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Hyungwon whispered as a careful smile appeared on his beautiful face, spreading his plump lips wide. “Your presence is the best thing that has happened to me today.” The prince’s movements were a little hesitant when he climbed on top of the gigantic bed and kneeled next to Hoseok, stroking along his arm slowly.

“Ah, I’m so happy that you’re next to me. Did you read my letter? Did you like it? How do you like my new skin color? It’s not as pretty as yours, but I tried hard.” Grinning brightly, he let the perception of the prince’s long fingers against his skin sink in, inhaling sharply when it felt especially nice.

“I- I loved your letter,” Hyungwon whispered and swallowed deeply. There was tension in the other man’s jaw, like he was holding back a particular response, an emotional one. “I have never received a letter like that before. It- it made me emotional. Thank you, thank you for feeling this way towards me. I have attempted to come up with a reply, but nothing seemed worthy. I apologize that I have not been able to come see you and express my feelings towards you differently, Hoseok.”

“What? No- I didn’t expect a reply, I just thought that you might feel pressured by everything and my words might be a tiny bit distracting from all that. I’m glad that you liked it.” Smiling at the beautiful, blonde man, he reached out and stroked over his plump lips with his thumb. “I can’t believe that I can be next to you like this, it feels like a dream.”

“I missed you. You asked whether my smile is just for you, you were wondering about it. It is, it really is because you are the only person I can be genuine with, the only person that will never hold it against me.” Hyungwon’s voice was low, vibrating through the air as long fingers continued their tender caresses along his arms and shoulders, moving a little along his collar bones before they returned to the calm circles along his upper arm. “I prefer your real skin tone, the paleness of it. It reminds me of the moon. Did you know that in some cultures the king has always been seen as the sun? Strong, powerful, bright. I wish I could be like this and the way you calm me down, skin this gorgeous pale color like the moonlight, reminds me of the fact that I wish I had you instead of a queen. As the moon next to me. There is not much that I desire more than that.”

_He wants you instead of a queen?_

“I don't think that I can dress up as a queen though, there's a limit to my skill,” Hoseok replied and chuckled. “But I would do anything to be next to you. Any-fucking-thing.”

“You are more beautiful than a queen,” the prince whispered and chewed on his lip, glancing to the side. There was a little bit of blush on his cheeks, standing out despite the beautiful golden color. “I am grateful that you came, so grateful. I missed you, even though you are crazy for doing this. What will you do if you are caught? Entering my chambers while dressed up, I cannot even begin to imagine what people will think.”

“I'll come up with something witty. I survived in my parents’ house. There's nothing scarier than that.” Hoseok sat up and curled his fingers around the other man's slim wrist and pulled a little. “You're the most beautiful human I've ever seen and that, my friend, will be my plea in court.”

The prince chuckled loudly, succumbing to the pulling and lying down next to him. Their legs were touching a little.

“I doubt that my beauty will bring you forgiveness and mercy,” Hyungwon whispered and placed a timid kiss on his cheek, a quick touch, nothing more.

“I don't need it, I regret nothing,” he whispered and curled both arms around the prince's slim body, pulling him closer before burying his nose in the crook of his golden neck. He smelled like coconut, of course he did and Hoseok was lost in the intoxicating scent and the warmth of the prince's body.

“I have convinced the king to reduce the guards, at least mostly. After all it is cowardly to react with strengthened security as if we are afraid and like it wasn’t good enough in the first place. It appears like I have been successful for now.” Hyungwon closed his eyes as he spoke, hands brushing over Hoseok’s clothes until they carefully slipped under the fabric, stroking along his naked skin. The blonde man’s fingers were cool in comparison. “The discussions are ongoing, everything returns to you, as if you are the major key to the agreement. You were right.”

He hummed, before attaching his lips to Hyungwon's bare neck and sucking on a random patch of skin carefully, tongue immediately soothing the spot before he moved further up. The gasp that left the beautiful man was gorgeous, soft and breathy, not too loud but just enough to vibrate along the shell of Hoseok’s ear. The prince turned to the side, showing more of the exposed neck, fingers tightening a little in Hoseok’s skin but not enough to hurt.

“If you- if you touch me like this, I won’t be able to remain calm,” was the low comment as another gasp left the blonde man’s plump lips.

“But I don't want you to be calm, I want you the way you are,” he breathed into Hyungwon's tiny curled ear before sucking on his earlobe and playing with it. “You have no idea how much I've missed you.”

“I-” The prince gasped again. “I missed you too. I- made sure to contain myself all this time, but you make it difficult- now. You- are still hurt, Hoseok.” Another gasp followed as Hyungwon slowly slipped his hand upwards and covered his lips, like he was worried that he would be too loud because of something as simple as the way Hoseok licked along his ear.

“You didn't touch yourself? Why? You should've, you deserve to pleasure yourself, you- you look gorgeous when you orgasm.”

_But he won't look at himself in the mirror, will he?_

“I'm hurt because you're so handsome.” He chuckled quietly, before slipping his thigh in between the gorgeous man's legs. “But don't feel pressured, I simply wanted to be close to you, you don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. Just tell me if I'm too much.”

“You’re- you’re never too much, Hoseok,” the prince murmured and exhaled sharply against his palm, thighs shivering repeatedly. “I just- I don’t pleasure myself, it seems inadequate, like a moment at which I lose my senses and am not able to control what happens around me. It’s terrifying when I am alone.”

“Just imagine that I'm next to you, that I sit on your lap or that you're sitting on mine,” he suggested and continued the path of his lips.

“But I still do not know what happens when I lose myself, what occurs around me, who might enter. I am more aware during sleep than I am when I feel pleasure. I- I feel vulnerable,” Hyungwon whispered and moved a little closer, still shivering whenever Hoseok’s lips grazed a spot, he was sensitive.

“Ah, this place is truly no fun.” Sinking his fingers into Hyungwon's blonde hair, he pulled the handsome man closer and breathed against his lips, plump muscles almost touching, but not enough to kiss.

The prince released a shaky breath, slowly removing his palm like he was expecting it. The slim body was moving closer subconsciously, plump lips almost touching his the longer the seconds stretched.

“I don’t want to hurt you, you are still…” Hyungwon trailed off, knee brushing along his thighs.

“I'm still what? I managed to get off yesterday, so I'm fine. If you don't try to choke me or press your skinny hands into my stomach, I should be fine. Although I have to admit that it was kind of sexy, apart from the crippling pain and almost fainting.”

“W-what, being pinned down? I thought you were defying me, Hoseok, of course I- reacted like that.” There was a bit of shuffling as the blonde man moved even closer, letting their groins brush against each other. The prince responded easily, another gasp leaving his lips. “I’ll...be careful then. What may I do?”

“I think it's really nice that you're asking. This might sound weird, but- I really want to kiss you,” he whispered, longing for the other man's lips becoming unbearable as he shifted closer.

There was no hesitation as Hyungwon reached for his face, cupping his cheek carefully as he closed the distance between them, hot, plump lips finally touching his. It felt warm, full bottom lip carefully sliding along his and pink tongue licking over his mouth once.

_It feels so nice._

He deepened the kiss, tasting the blonde man's lips before parting them with his tongue and licking into his mouth gently. It felt like Hyungwon melted in his arms, embracing him without applying too much pressure, and right thigh smoothly slipping in between his legs. The prince kissed back eagerly, exhaling sharply like the touch of their lips alone overwhelmed him, giving him more than he was able to take.

“I missed kissing you so much, I imagined you sitting next to my bed and leaning in slowly, so close that I could count your eyelashes before you kissed me. I wanted to get better just to make sure that I could kiss you again.” He felt all kinds of emotions at once, love, sadness, pain, arousal, everything was mixed as he held Hyungwon in his arms.

“I find myself thinking of the day you kissed me for the first time, next to the water close to the bridge. I was so overwhelmed back then, unsure what it meant and how I was supposed to react, whether it was acceptable to want you to do it again, what it meant for me. Now I cannot imagine what I would do if you hadn’t done it, I might have done it myself,” the prince murmured against his lips and stroked over his skin repeatedly, long fingers playing with his hair. “It feels like you make me complete, Hoseok. Is it possible to feel this way despite being an entire human being? It seems like there is a big chunk of me missing when I don’t see you, a part of my chest that throbs and burns repeatedly. I have never felt this way before.”

“This is similar to how I feel about you. It seems as if you infiltrated me as a being and became part of every cell of my body, so that I miss you with all that I am and my longing to be next to you can't be stopped by anything. I love you, I love you so much that even the pain doesn't hurt when you're next to me,” he whispered and leaned in, kissing along his gorgeous, golden collarbone.

“I keep doing so many crazy things to be next to you, and look at you, dressing up as a guard. Aren’t we being too risky, too unconcerned?” There was worry laced in the pleasant low voice as Hyungwon placed a kiss to his cheek only to return to his lips again. “Will it be okay? You delayed the wedding, but it is not for forever, you will still be someone else’s.”

_You’re fucking nuts._

“She knows that I can't be hers. I told her before.” It was weird to talk about it, but it was the truth. He would have to marry, but he wasn't anybody's to have. “She knows that I can't love a woman in the way that I'm expected to.”

“But you can love a man.”

_You can._

There was an extended pause and both big palms cupped his face and lifted it a tiny bit, so he was able to look into Hyungwon’s ice-blue eye, focused on him. Soft breaths caressed his lips with each exhale.

“Am I still the man that you love?”

_He is._

“You are. There's only you for me. Just you,” Hoseok whispered and leaned in to close the distance between their lips. It felt intense, but not only because it was forbidden or against all the rules, but because he knew that it was limited, their time was and the opportunity to be close, to connect their lips and to feel each other's skin. Soon there would be more obstacles, more repercussions, he would become the prince consort and Hyungwon would become his majesty, the king.

_The king._

It was beyond scary.  
  
_  
  
It was warm, almost hot as he heard the faint sound of the alarm on his watch that got louder, pulling him out of the familiar, blurry darkness slowly but steadily. It took a few moments before he could open his eyes. There was only a little light, but he could clearly see the beautiful face of the blonde man lying in his arms, eyes closed and regular breaths tickling the skin of his chest.

_You fell asleep._

His alarm sounding meant that the time was up and he had to go back to his room, acting as if he didn’t dress up as a guard, violate palace rules and sneak into the crown prince's chambers to kiss and hug him in his bed. Hoseok was crazy, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, just that he knew that being crazy wouldn’t be enough.

_The way you are, it might not be enough to keep this, Hoseok._

His hate towards the royal family, the politics, the society, the industrial sector that kept controlling and butting into internal matters, his parents that obviously tried to manipulate and destabilize the current order knew no bounds. He didn’t even have time to think what was the best solution. There was no way that his parents were right. They just wanted money and power over the royal family, using him as a tool to reach their goals.

_Since when do you care about the royal family? Since you’re almost a part of it?_

No. Not at all, he didn’t care about himself, but he did care about Yewon and the blonde prince, about their lives and how decisions influenced them. He was a part of it, even though he didn’t mean to be. He didn’t want to get involved, but he feared that there was no other option for him at this point.

_You have to do what you can, if you can somehow be useful to him._

Sighing, he reached out to stroke Hyungwon’s beautiful face, his golden skin, shimmering in the barely lit room, hinting at how precious he was, no matter if one could immediately see it or not. Hoseok traced the curve of the blonde man’s round nose and brushed over his gorgeous, thick lips, smiling at how the prince immediately pursed them, reacting to his touch subconsciously. He wanted to touch him so badly, to take off every bit of fabric that covered his skin and to pull the other man’s naked body flush against his, feeling the incredible heat and tension that immediately developed and bloomed like a flower, exploding in a thousand fireworks when they touched each other. He wanted to hold him close, to be close, so close that there was no space between them, no space and no guards, no rules and no intrigues behind their backs.

_Are you strong enough for this, Hoseok?_

Exhaling sharply, he stroked over Hyungwon’s blonde hair that was sprawled over his clothed chest and placed a soft kiss on top of the other man’s head, pulling himself out of the embrace carefully, to not wake the prince from his deep sleep.

_He needs to rest._

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he tied his bootlaces and buttoned up his uniform. A short glance in the direction of the bed was enough to fill his chest with lead. The prince was sound asleep, curled up in his thick blanket and breathing calmly, while he stood there, dressed up as a guard after illegally entering the prince’s chambers, after effects from the poison he had taken still bothering his body once in a while, like now, the heat of his skin almost unbearable. Would it continue like this? Once Hyungwon became his majesty and he was his sister’s husband, sitting in meetings and trying to keep his thoughts in check, wishing for nothing more than to embrace the blonde man with the ice-blue eyes, to see his genuine smile and to not feel alone.

_But life is not like this, right?_

He turned around and slipped out of the room quietly, closing the door behind himself and nodding at Jeremy.

Life wasn’t like this, life forced him back into his highly protected room full of personnel, isolated and lonely. No matter how he felt, Hoseok hoped that at least Hyungwon wasn’t.

_That he isn’t lonely._

  
  
***  
  
  


It was the same ticking, the hands of the clock moving ahead mercilessly independent of whether Hyungwon desired to wake up or not. His head hurt, a throbbing sensation that seemed to focus at his temples and give of sparks of pain towards his forehead. It was only reasonable with how little he had slept the night before, staring at Hoseok’s gorgeous face until his body had finally given out and pulled him into the land of sleep.

It had been irresponsible, especially not knowing whether Hoseok would wake up in time or not, but the empty space next to him told a story of its own. The black-haired man must have left in the night, around the time he had announced, 5 AM.

Hyungwon was exhausted but not having the future prince consort next to him, the broad body that was able to encircle him completely, was even worse. It felt like blackness, nothingness that was biting at his partially uncovered skin and reminded him of who he was meant to be, where he was meant to be and what he was meant to do.

_You are the crown prince, Hyungwon. Your five minutes of peace are almost over._

Not even when he slept less than five hours did his body wait for the melody of the ancient clock to sound. His fingers moved in front of his eyes, opening and closing the spaces in between like he was able to decide what to see what not, filtering out for himself. It didn’t work, not really.

The morning pulled him into its merciless rush, people dressing him, arranging the small crown on top of his head as was always the case over the past few weeks. There were too many official things to take care of to remain in his peaceful white attire. He was always the crown prince now, as soon as he placed his naked feet on the floor in front of his bed and until he pulled them back under the thick blanket at night.

There was something different about the servants and the way they dressed him, putting particular effort into the jewelry that was attached to his waist belt and the cuffs at his wrists, almost like there was a special occasion that required him to be particularly well dressed.

“What is the occasion?” Hyungwon asked one of the ladies that tied his shoelaces, pulling the strings tight with quick movements.

“You are expected in the meeting room, there is urgent news, your royal highness,” was the quick reply and Hyungwon didn’t even have enough time to check the tone of his face as he was already guided out of his bedchambers and along the endless hallways. It must have been urgent if it took place first thing in the morning.

_Father must be urging the wedding again, asking about Hoseok’s wellbeing without actually caring about his well-being._

Hyungwon’s heartbeat had caught up with his thought as soon as he was in front of the meeting room, waiting to be announced and allowed inside. His back was perfectly straight and his face was neutral, it had to be for a meeting with his majesty and the advisors.

_You mustn’t show weakness, they will take it and use it for their own benefit, replace you if you do not follow their wishes._

Stepping foot into the meeting hall, he was instantly greeted by the surprisingly dark decor, the ivory and white tapestry was replaced by dark curtains that covered every window, only artificial light illuminated the long table in the middle. Hyungwon’s eyes skipped over the attire of the advisors present at the table, black pants, robes, shoes. Even the jewelry was chosen so that it reflected as little light as possible. His eyes passed over the servants, bowing humbly and excusing themselves as soon as he had passed through to the middle of the room. They knew their place and when a meeting was meant to be private.

A quick glance revealed every advisor, seated perfectly at the sides of the elongated table. All eyes were focused on Hyungwon and he kept himself from swallowing to reveal how nervous he felt. There was something terribly off. His eyes searched for the king, for the only person that was meant to be dressed in the colors of the royal family instead of the unusual black of the advisors’ attire. But there was nothing, only an empty seat at the head of the table.

Suddenly the reason for the black clothes became apparent, the urgency of the meeting, the arrangement of the advisors, the expectancy with which they stared at him.

_Mourning, they are all mourning._

“I fear I am the messenger of terrible news, young prince,” the advisor of internal affairs spoke out and gestured for Hyungwon to sit. At the head of the table.

“Please speak,” he replied calmly and forced himself to breathe normally, to show no indication that suddenly his gown felt like it was squeezing the breath right out of him. His hands were shaking and he hid them in his lap as he sat down, the chair appearing way too big for his slim frame. It wasn’t meant to be his, not yet, not that quickly, unexpectedly.

“His majesty the king passed away last night. There was nothing that our royal doctor was able to do for him. Our condolence, young prince.”

Hyungwon swallowed slowly, spit moving down his throat like a lump of slime that didn’t disappear and left a disgusting taste in his mouth. It felt like he needed to empty his stomach to get rid of it and brush his teeth several times.

“But unfortunately, there is no time to waste. We have already taken matters into our own hands for the time being, you do not need to worry, young prince. You will have time to mourn and do not need to participate in decisions that will be taken care of this week. It is perfectly understandable-”

“There is no need.”

Hyungwon’s voice didn’t sound like himself as he lifted his head and stared at the advisor of finances, seated on his left side and speaking quickly like there was no need to include him in the decision processes.

_They want to use it, the time that you are weak because you are unprepared. You cannot let them, Hyungwon._

“There is no need to give me time to mourn. The palace will mourn as a whole, but I am perfectly aware of the need to continue negotiations and scheduled meetings. I am perfectly aware of the-” Hyungwon paused for a second because of how unfamiliar the word was, “late king’s schedule and shall replace him as is my duty. As the law stipulates the coronation will take place in two days. I trust you will have everything prepared by then.”

There were a few quiet murmurs, not distinct enough to understand as the advisors glanced around, staring at each other before he was met with the first nod, quickly followed by the rest of men present. They weren’t able to speak out against him right at the beginning, not when there was no argument in their favor.

_You can’t be weak now, Hyungwon, you can’t._

The blackness of the palace was going to make it difficult.

Oh, how he wished he was able to see Hoseok.

 

_

 

The room was quiet as nobody spoke. It was the only room in the palace that was not covered in black tapestry curtains that blocked out the sunlight, reminiscent of death. The throne hall was never decorated in the colors of death, not even when the whole palace was mourning.

It felt strange to be standing on the rich carpet, staring at his own shoes without expecting to be told off, to be reminded of his duties, the necessity to find a queen. Instead there was just nothing, an empty throne and a couple of advisors standing on each side of the elongated red carpet leading to the large throne, decorated with all the riches the kingdom had to offer.

It felt unreal, small and private, so unlike what he had imagined as a child. The people present were limited, only important individuals with connections to the royal family and distant family that had to be present to be reminded of how pointless it was to fight the lineage. Hyungwon could see Hoseok’s parents in the distance, smiling to themselves like something good had happened to the kingdom. It was distasteful and he had to swallow and force himself to look away. He had to be composed, strong, appear powerful, focused. Be everything he believed himself not to be.

Meaningless words were spoken, recited as he stepped towards the throne, climbing up the steps one by one. Everything felt so rushed, like it was forced upon him without any preparation, without enough time to know what he had to do. Hoseok had warned him but he had expected a few weeks, more than just a few days.

He curled his fingers around the thick armrest decorated with rare stones as he sat down, air stuck in his lungs. Suddenly it became apparent why his father constantly dug his fingers into the thick material, turning his knuckles white. It was the only way to contain an emotional response, to conceal whatever was going on inside his head.

All eyes were on him when the speech finally concluded. It was time to speak the oath, to uphold the constitution, swear on it before the crown was placed upon his head. Hyungwon had never seen it without its owner, even when he had played in the gardens and his parents had been seated outside his father had worn the crown. Even in their private chambers, whenever Hyungwon had felt lonely and asked for an audience, even then the heavy metal had been on top of his father’s head.

‘ _The crown is weight you bear, Hyungwon, it cannot be removed.’_

His voice was perfectly level as he spoke, eyes not focusing on anything in particular. Hands moved, a traditional object was placed into his right hand but he didn’t even have the awareness to glance at it. Instead he only looked at the people, staring at him with big eyes and bigger expectations. It suddenly hit him that he was now responsible for addressing their concerns, fulfilling their wishes and guiding them to becoming what they desired for themselves. It was utopian, impossibly ideal and very scary.

Again, words were spoken as shaky hands lifted the crown from its pedestal. It felt more like an ending than a beginning, as if the crown had been ripped away from its rightful place like a sacrifice and he was taking something that wasn’t his to have. Fingers brushed his bangs to the side lightly as the weight of the crown settled on his head, followed by cheers, applause and everyone in the room sinking to their knees.

It felt overwhelming, terrifying how a metal object on his head was able to force everybody into submission, how two days were sufficient to turn his whole life around. Breathing slowly as he watched the way each head was turned to the ground, the awareness of his father’s words become more significant than ever.

_Expectations, expectations are the heaviest weight to bear._

 

_

 

 

“Remove this off my body this instant,” Hyungwon commanded as his eyes fell on the heavy fabric that a few servants were holding behind him, preparing to pull it over his shoulders.

“Your majesty, but the royal gown has been our tradition for-”

“Enough time,” he interrupted the manservant and closed the buttons of his black shirt on his own. The king was expected to wear the colors of the royal family, but there had been no possibility to mourn the past few days and Hyungwon did not care whether it was appropriate or not to wear black in respect to the late king.

_If you cannot express your respect differently, you will do it this way._

The manservant lowered his head, obviously scared because he had spoken up against him. It was good for now, it allowed Hyungwon more freedom in his actions and more time to settle the mess that the palace was in. It was too much at once, Hoseok was still in bed and Hyungwon hadn’t had the chance to see him. He didn’t even know if the black-haired man was aware of the changes that had happened around him.

He looked pale in the mirror, a mixture of black clothes, the decorative fabric around his neck and the small bracelet that nobody could see, black and white underneath his shirt. It was unusual to see himself in black, especially without the additional gown, waist belt and jewelry that usually accompanied his appearance as a prince.

But the crown on his head was the most unusual. It was in contrast to his bright hair, but perfect with the red of his lips. He didn’t know how he felt about it, not yet and he wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to it.

“The palace and the whole country is mourning, I do not see why I shouldn’t be,” he emphasized again and lifted his eyebrow at the servant whose eyes opened wide and who instantly shook his head.

There had been a few individuals who had requested an audience with the king and Hyungwon was still unprepared to sit on the throne and to be the one who listened to their concerns and make decisions. Making decisions that affected people's lives felt too powerful, there was too much strength in his words alone.

_Who are you to decide all this?_

His father’s seat felt hard under his body, too big compared to his slim hips. Guards were placed at each entrance, even more than before, focusing their eyes on him and his surroundings. It was almost as if every individual that entered was a threat, intent on killing the king on the first day of his reign.

_Is that where the paranoia comes from? Because of everybody else fearing for one’s life?_

The room was smaller than the throne hall and more private, it was perfectly understandable why his father would meet important advisors in a more intimate setting compared to the hall which was meant to show influence.

_He loved to ask you to come to the throne hall though, emphasizing the disparity by looking down at you._

Inhaling sharply, Hyungwon crossed his legs and looked at the announcer at the side, glancing through the list of appointments. He only had two hours until he was meant to join a meeting with his advisors to avoid another deal that supported the import of arms. It was almost ridiculous.

“The prince consort is here to see you, your majesty.”

Hyungwon’s head instantly lifted at the name, shock showing for a few seconds on his face until he focused it on the door and calmed his breaths. He couldn’t reveal how much that meant, he couldn’t. Not with the number of people present and listening in on their conversation.

_But it’s Hoseok, Hoseok has finally found the strength to stand up._

After he had nodded at the announcement, the door opened and the familiar figure walked in, steps steady and determined as he stopped on the other side of the long table according to protocol and keeping a safe distance.

“Good morning, your majesty,” Hoseok said, low voice echoing through the room before the black-haired man bowed down gracefully. He was wearing a dark blue suit combined with a white button down.

The color of the black-haired man’s attire caught Hyungwon off guard. It was the first bit of color he had seen on a member of the royal family in the past few days. His sister had avoided leaving her chambers, using hurt over their father’s death as an excuse. It felt unreal to see Hoseok in front of him, a few steps away but healthy enough to stand straight and wear a tight suit that emphasized his physique. Hyungwon couldn’t help staring as the seconds stretched without a response.

“You may rise,” he murmured eventually, legs crossing and hands digging into the armrest of the chair. It was exactly what he had feared, Hoseok in front of him but separated by the miles that developed between the two of them, impossible to bridge.

_You can’t even stand close to him anymore without a proper reason._

There was a little shuffling, as Hoseok returned to his previous position and looked him straight in the eyes, without delay. The other man’s ocean-blue eyes widened as he kept staring at him, curved lips parting without making any noise.

_He didn’t know, he didn’t know, Hyungwon._

The seconds passed before the pale face returned to the previous expression and he cleared his throat.

“I am here to talk to you about one of the deals involving heavy industry that is about to happen under my family's name, your majesty,” Hoseok spoke, voice clear and low, as if he had prepared himself to say the words. “I am sorry as I was supposed to have my audience on Tuesday. Unfortunately, my health didn’t allow me to move, so that I am here today. I apologize for being late, your majesty.”

Hyungwon nodded slowly, unable to look away from the familiar ocean-blue eyes. He hated the distance between them, the way he had to squint a little if he wished to see every twitch in the black-haired man’s expression.

“I am glad to see you on your own two feet, Lee Hoseok. Please sit down, so you can elaborate on what you wish to tell me,” he replied, voice still steady. It felt like a bad movie, a drama they were acting out in which each of them had to follow their role and pretend not to know each other. He gestured towards the seat at his side, close enough to be able to hear the black-haired man well while still being sufficiently appropriate.

Hoseok nodded and stepped closer, sitting down slowly. The other man moved stiffly, he must have still been having difficulties. A few moments passed before the familiar gaze settled on his face and the black-haired man folded his unusually pale hands on the table in front of him.

“Please consider the importance of the information and only keep the individuals of trust in this room while I share with you, your majesty. I will start as soon as you consider it appropriate.”

_There is nobody you trust but him._

“Please leave us,” Hyungwon ordered and glanced towards the advisor who folded his list and turned around, leaving the room with a low bow. A few of the guards followed while his personal guards remained. He didn’t trust a single one of them, not during his time as the crown prince and not now.

“Do you believe that a man who barely holds himself upright will overpower me?” he asked in a low tone, staring at the two guards that positioned themselves at the door. A few moments passed until both men shook their heads slowly and apologized, disappearing through the door with a bow and another repetition of his title. It felt like he was at war with everybody around him. It was so tiring.

“Please speak,” he finally muttered as soon as he had turned back towards Hoseok, back remaining straight and weight of the crown returning to his awareness.

“I-” the black-haired man started, looking at him with a strange expression on his face, until his beautifully curved lips trembled a little and the round eyes changed their shape due to the lift of his black eyebrows. Hoseok looked sad. “I’m sorry for your loss, your Majesty,” he whispered, biting down on his lower lip and taking a deep breath. He didn’t seem okay. “But I won’t take a lot of your- your precious time. They- they changed their strategy last minute, I didn’t know why, but now it makes sense. They will try to sell it to you as a ‘digitization’ project, but it’s all the same, surveillance in the public spaces and face-recognition software to identify and target individuals who disobey the law. Like the people on the black market. There’s also a new law to be presented, my- they are also involved, they’re involved everywhere, be careful, Hyu- your majesty. It also doesn’t seem as if the advisors are interested in anything besides profit. That’s- that’s all I had to say.” Hoseok inhaled once again, broad chest rising and falling as he exhaled through his nose, trying not to make too much noise while doing so.

“I appreciate greatly that you have compromised your health in order to come here and talk to me. I am thankful for your efforts, Lee Hoseok. You can trust me on this,” Hyungwon replied calmly, worried about the way Hoseok reacted. It was scary, like the black-haired man could collapse any second in front of his eyes. “I hope you will not be offended if I ask somebody to aid you on your way back to your bedchambers. Furthermore, I would like to know if you believe yourself to be capable of participating in a ceremony in a week.” Hyungwon hated it, he hated to talk to Hoseok formally but there was no other way, he couldn’t help it. There were recordings of official talks, recordings that were only accessible to a few chosen individuals but they were still accessible. There was no way that he could talk impersonally with Hoseok. He couldn’t be closer and affectionate, even if there was nothing else, he wished to do more.

It hurt, it hurt to see the way the black-haired man’s expression changed the longer he spoke, keeping the impersonal tone and not even moving towards the pale hand on the desk. It hurt.

“Thank you for your concern, I will find my way back, your majesty. You can use my presence whenever you like, I will be ready to participate if that’s what your majesty wishes.” The black-haired man stood up, body stiff and face pale. Bowing once again, Hoseok remained in the position, arm slightly trembling as he held it against his stomach.

“Please rise,” Hyungwon whispered. His bottom lip trembled and he couldn't help it, staring at the way Hoseok looked in pain. He wanted to embrace him, to forget about his responsibilities and the meaning of the heavy object on his head for a few moments, to just inhale the sweet scent and feel warm arms around him. It seemed like everything had returned back to the way it was before, distance increasing and loneliness swallowing him whole. It was only him again, cut away from affection and closeness. “Your presence is not mine to decide.”

Hoseok lifted his upper body, carefully pulling his arm back and letting it hang at his side loosely.

“It is, your majesty,” the black-haired man whispered, before turning around and walking towards the door, just to disappear behind it and being exchanged with the guards that immediately came in to check on his state.

Hyungwon couldn’t help the thought that the men in uniform were more likely to hurt him than the pale man with curved lips that had just exited the room, leaving him alone with people that didn’t care about him, not even a single bit.

_You are alone again, just the way you are supposed to be._

 

_

 

Hyungwon hated it. He hated the different bed, the paintings on the walls, the changed color of the floor, how cold it was against the sensitive skin of his feet. He detested the mirrors that covered the walls, reminding him of who he was and who he was meant to be, even when he slept. There was no break, no moment of peace and tranquility in which he could just be himself, just Hyungwon who was dressed in black pajamas. But he couldn’t, not with the metal that remained placed on his head, all the time until he finally decided to close his eyes and disappear into the depth of his dreams.

They were just as terrifying as his days recently.

The guards had been reluctant to leave, providing the same arguments they had previously. They were right, it was only the beginning of his reign, there could have been a lot of enemies that wished for his death, but Hyungwon knew better. It was pointless to kill him. It would only throw the country into turmoil, with no real heir in sight and people arguing over who it was going to be. There needed to be a figurehead, even the most influential adviser and business man wanted to deal with someone who had backing. There had to be a favorite, always.

_And currently it is you, speaking out for free universities._

Even when there was nobody but him in the unfamiliar chambers it still felt like he was being watched, mirrors reflecting every bit of light and throwing it back at him, making the paintings on the walls seem like they were moving, eyes focused on him. Hyungwon’s breath hitched and he crawled towards the bed, hands grabbing the thick blanket and covering himself with it, shutting out everything that was on the outside. He had never done it before, but suddenly the way Hoseok had hidden underneath the sheets, naked, felt so understandable.

Hyungwon wanted to do the same, to get rid of everything that defined him from the outside and hide under the warm fabric, disappear in the blackness. His hands were shaking as he slowly loosened the buttons of his shirt and threw it down next to the bed, not bothering to fold it. He couldn’t bear it, neither the black material that had covered his chest, nor the fabric that he pulled down his legs, letting it join the heap. He felt naked, but more like himself than he had felt for the past few days. His skin was golden, the way Hoseok liked it. All makeup had been washed off shortly before bed and his wrist had a similar color to his inner thigh. But he didn’t want to see all that. He wanted darkness.

Covering his blonde head with the blanket, he held his breath and slipped into the small hideout. It was only him and the warm air, blackness that didn’t show him anything, neither his own limbs nor his reflection. It was a sanctuary and he couldn’t help but wish that it was his forever.

He heard quick shuffling before the mattress sunk in under additional weight, accompanied by rough, irregular exhales.

Hyungwon froze, fear suddenly numbing his senses and forcing him to remain in place, curled up under the blanket as his eyes widened but weren’t able to do anything in the darkness. There was only one person that would enter his chambers and sit on his bed without hurting him, but he was too afraid to hope, to expect that Hoseok was crazy enough to sneak into the king’s chambers only to see him.

“Did you hide under the blanket?” Hoseok’s low voice murmured, still panting loudly in between his words. “It’s the best place ever.”

A smile pulled at the corners of Hyungwon’s mouth, relief washing over him like a wave. He should have been worried, terrified even because of the black-haired man being in his chambers, a place where a foreign individual could be shot on sight and still, he was happy, ridiculously grateful to have Hoseok next to him. He had missed him so much, the soft tone, the affection that was present in each word, the way he spoke to him without using his title. Not even one person had talked to him without addressing him as ‘your majesty’ since the coronation. He couldn’t bear it anymore.

Shifting a little bit, he nodded slowly, still not leaving the sanctuary.

“I guess the weird waves on your blanket mean ‘yes’?” Hoseok chuckled, gasping for air a few times before it seemed to get better. “I never knew a poisoned person could run barefoot from the third floor to the first floor in twenty-five seconds. Good that I managed, but I feel like I might die right here. If I do, please throw me out of the window.”

“Oh god, you remembered what I told you?” Hyungwon instantly removed the blanket from his head and stared at the other man incredulously. “I said there is a twenty second surveillance break, but I didn’t tell you that you should use it to run all the way, Hoseok, are you crazy? You’re hurt- you- don’t you dare move.” He skidded over and made sure there was enough space for Hoseok to lie down if he wished to do so. It was simply crazy to run all those stairs with poison in his system. The black-haired man had struggled to stand in front of him two days ago, how was he able to run?

“I managed, I can do anything now. Oh my god, are you naked?” the other man asked suddenly, eyes widening and red mouth parting in shock.

Blood instantly rushed to his face as he glanced down at himself, blanket stopping right below his uncovered chest. Gasping in shock, Hyungwon pulled it up to his chin, staring at Hoseok with wide eyes.

“I- I wanted to be myself,” he whispered and bit down on his bottom lip.

“I’m sorry, I almost reacted like you a few months ago.” The black-haired man chuckled and turned to the side, watching him intently. “I prefer being naked too, it’s understandable. It’s just unusual I guess, but I like it, you don’t need to hide. Not from me and not from anyone if I was the one to decide that.”

“I know- I panicked,” Hyungwon explained and let go of the soft blanket again, letting it pool at his groin, covering the most intimate part. “It feels crazy to have you here, a place that I am not used to yet. It must be as familiar to you as it is for me. I hate the mirrors, I hate everything about it.”

“Hmm, don’t know, for me it doesn’t make a difference, this room has you, so it’s the only place I want to be right now.” Hoseok’s hand reached for his face and brushed a loose strand of his blonde hair behind his ear carefully. “I’m really sorry, I’m sorry for leaving you alone with all of this, I- I had some problems with my stomach after the episode of dressing up as a guard and couldn’t stand up. Jeremy was on holiday, so I didn’t know anything either. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, not at all. There is no need to apologize, Hoseok. I am simply glad that you are alive and well,” Hyungwon murmured and closed his fingers around the pale hand, placing a kiss on top of the back of it. The skin was unusually warm. “I wish you wouldn’t risk your health for me even if there is nothing that I desire more than to see you.” It still felt surreal to have the black-haired man close to him, the only person in the palace he genuinely trusted. “You weren't the only one who was overwhelmed, so was I. It was- very fast and unexpected. The coronation happened without the presence of the media. Everything was rushed.”

“I’m still sorry. It must be so overwhelming and so pressuring for you. When I saw you with the crown on your head, I wanted to kick it down and to hug you properly instead of muttering all the pointless bullshit I had to because the fuckers are always listening.” Hoseok sat up, holding his stomach briefly, before he curled both arms around him, pulling him flush against his pajama clad chest.

“You knew?” Hyungwon couldn’t believe that Hoseok was aware of how dangerous it was to speak openly and privately in the conference room. There were always recordings, always. “I felt so bad for keeping up the pretense, I could barely take the look in your eyes. I hated it so much, I am sorry for remaining distant and pushing you away with my words. I am so sorry, please forgive me.” Hyungwon grasped the beautiful hand despite the tight embrace and kissed it briefly, only to bury his face in the crook of Hoseok’s neck right after. He wished there wasn’t so much fabric between them.

“There is nothing, nothing you will ever have to apologize to me about, Hyungwon,” Hoseok whispered and pulled him even closer, hot exhales tickling his neck as the curved lips pressed against his skin, placing warm kisses along it. He gasped, unable to help it and relaxed in the other man’s embrace. It felt so relieving to let go, to not be perfectly aware of everything around him. Only when Hoseok was next to him did he allow himself to shut his eyes, to forget about who he was and who the people around him were, something or someone constantly requiring his attention and his opinions.

“I cannot be without you, Hoseok, I will go mad,” he murmured into the protruding ear and placed kisses along the shell. His lips felt better when they were attached to Hoseok’s pale skin, so he licked a stripe from the soft earlobe to one of the prominent collarbones. “This is the first time I’ve heard my name in a week, Hoseok. The first time.”

“I’ll call your name as many times as you want, Hyungwon,” the low voice replied followed by a hiss at his tongue sliding over the pale skin. “I missed you so much. I imagined you hugging me naked when I lay under my blanket. It was calming, but still not comparable to the real thing.”

“Join me then.” His voice was low, much more so than usual as he shifted again and lifted the blanket, uncovering his naked body and opening his arms in invitation. The blush only spread further on his cheeks but he was able to trust Hoseok, he was the only person. Shame was secondary next to his wish to be close to the black-haired man.

The ocean-blue eyes focused on him as Hoseok’s pale fingers started unbuttoning his pajama top, button after button, exposing the gorgeous marble-like skin until the black-haired man let the fabric slide down his shoulders smoothly. Licking over his lips, he grabbed the seam of his black silk pants and pulled them down his muscular legs until he was resplendently naked, like a beautiful Greek statue.

“You are gorgeous,” Hyungwon whispered and suppressed the urge to reach out and touch the other man. He had to be patient. Inhaling sharply, he lifted the blanket a little higher, waiting for Hoseok to join him. “Your body is like that of a statue, but even more than that you still remind me of the moon, meant to be next to me. Even the way the light reflects off your body and moves from mirror to mirror.”

“I don’t want to be the moon, because it doesn’t coexist with the sun, not visibly, it only comes out when the sun is gone. I don’t want to live like this. It’s fine to be the sky, or the wind, as long as I can be somewhere next to you.” Hoseok licked over his lips and shifted, crawling under the blanket and immediately wrapping his arms around his slightly cooler body.

It felt like everything around him suddenly didn’t matter anymore. It was just them, two bodies embracing under a thick blanket, hidden from view and everything that was waiting for them behind those big wooden doors.

“You can be anything you want as long as you are mine, Hoseok, please be mine,” Hyungwon whispered and pressed a kiss to the black-haired man’s forehead. The thought of Hoseok leaving him hurt, more than it ever had before. His lips brushed over the straight nose and over those curved lips, kissing them repeatedly while warmth spread between their naked bodies. It was intimate, but it felt right, even though it was exactly what Hyungwon shouldn’t be doing. It was wrong, he was the king and Hoseok was promised to his sister, the princess, but he didn’t care anymore. It didn’t matter anymore, not if the proximity and the closeness was able to make him feel the way it did.

“I am yours. I feel as if I’m inhaling only because I know that there’s you. It sounds so crazy, stupid and unrealistic, but it’s precisely how I feel. I don’t know how to describe this otherwise. I want to be close to you, so close that there’s nothing between us, only you and me. Us.” Hoseok kissed back, hot tongue licking over his bottom lip before parting them and licking into his mouth sensually, slowly, taking time and patiently waiting until he kissed back.

“I-” Hyungwon began and swallowed again, thoughts racing around inside his head. It was scary. But the terrifying part was there was nothing he could do about it. Saying it out loud not only made it true, it turned something that was reversible into something permanent, something that remained in his chest and burned every waking moment.

_But you are only lying to yourself. It isn’t reversible, it never was._

Hyungwon swallowed as his lips grazed over those soft curved ones again, ice-blue eyes meeting the storm that raged inside Hoseok’s, various tones of blue mixing and waiting for him to speak. It was scary, but it was true.

“I fear that I love you, Hoseok.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You should prepare yourself to become the next king.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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Hyungwon looked beautiful, there was barely enough light to see the blonde man's features, but he was just able to make them out. His ice-blue eyes focused on him and his plump lips repeatedly connected with his own, sending a tingling sensation down his spine. The other man's naked skin felt cool against his own and he wanted to be so close to the beautiful man in his arms. Hoseok wanted to be his. He already was.

“I fear that I love you, Hoseok,” Hyungwon whispered, gaze focused on his face and heartbeat pumping furiously against his chest. Hoseok could feel it. All of it.

_He feels the same. It's the same for him._

“And I love you. I feel as if I don't exist without you,” he replied, moving forward and connecting their lips again. “But why do you fear it?”

“Because it's not meant to be, everything around us works to keep us apart. How are we supposed to overcome this? I don't know,” the blonde man whispered against his lips, unwilling to separate. “It isn't changeable, love is a feeling that spreads inside one's chest and stays, it isn't stoppable. I'm afraid of becoming your weakness, the reason for your pain.”

_He does have a point after you poisoned yourself._

“Love is changeable too, just like people. You're not my weakness, you're my strength. You know, my pain, it's something I can bear, but I can't bear being away from you. I need you, I love you and I need you close to me, even though it's crazy. I'm crazy,” he murmured, arms tightening around Hyungwon's slim body. It seemed as if the other man had lost weight. “You haven't been able to eat, have you? You need to.”

“I-” the blonde man began, but stopped again. He seemed ashamed about the way his body had changed, curling up a little. “Do you dislike it?”

_Dislike?_

“How could I dislike it? You can just lie down on your bed, naked and you'll be able to watch me react to you without getting touched or anything similarly stimulating. You're gorgeous, simply gorgeous, I want to take you and make you mine.” Smiling, he leaned in and kissed along Hyungwon's shoulder to the golden skin that stretched from his collarbone to his chest.

“Your body changed too and I can't ban the thought that it is my fault, that you poisoned yourself for me.” The other man's hands were careful as they stroked along his sides and hips, hesitantly as if he still doubted whether it was alright. “I think about you every waking moment, Hoseok, your smile, your eyes, your body, your hands. The way you touch me and the way I can let go when you are next to me. For once I am able to forget what is around me. This feeling is more valuable than any amount of money in the world.”

_You can make your body work again, it just takes time._

“I want to make you forget everything, until there's only me and you left, I want you to feel free with me. Let me give you all the things you like, Hyungwon.” Wrapping his arms tighter, Hoseok shifted closer, feeling how his body melted in the cooler skin of Hyungwon's gorgeous form. “I missed you, god knows how much I've missed you.”

“Would you...touch me, Hoseok? You are the only one I desire and am able to feel pleasure with,” the mesmerizing blonde man muttered and slipped one of his legs on top of Hoseok’s thigh, still covered by the blanket. “I missed you too, with every breath I take.”

He let his palm travel down until he reached the lean thigh and stroked over it, enjoying how smooth it was, shifting closer until their lower bodies touched. He really wanted to touch the prince- the king. He really wanted to touch the king.

_Hyungwon._

“I want to touch you, I want to give you pleasure and I really want to hear you scream, but I'll probably have to hold your mouth shut in here.”

Hyungwon shivered at his words, ice-blue color visibly darkening in his eyes and teeth settling on his bottom lip. It was beyond stunning.

“Please do, you may do whatever you like with me,” the king murmured, giving Hoseok free reign over his body, just like that.

Hissing at the words that seemed so ridiculously attractive and arousing to him, he slipped down and licked over one of the pretty, dark nipples before looking up again.

“Do you- want me to touch you in the same way I touched you the last time? At Lucy's place?” he asked, making sure that the blonde boy knew what he was talking about.

Hyungwon blinked a few times as he observed his expressions, obviously in thought. The more time passed the further the other man blushed at his own thoughts, gasping quietly at the cool air that brushed over his erect nipple.

“I- I do, I will keep quiet, I promise.”

Hoseok was never happier to have put a condom into his pajama pants like a creep, but he learned to never be unprepared.

_You have the healthy libido of an eighteen-year-old._

“I will do it, god, I want to feel how tight your body is again, I was going crazy last time,” he whispered, before sucking on the other nipple harshly.

Another beautiful gasp left Hyungwon's lips before the blonde boy covered his mouth with his palm, eyes wide and thighs shaking.

“Is- is being tight a good thing?” the other man mumbled into his golden fingers as his eyes closed with each lick on the beautiful dark bud.

“Mhm, I could probably cry at this point, but it would be happy tears, believe me,” he replied, nibbling on the golden skin of Hyungwon's chest.

“I don't understand, but I'm happy if you are happy,” the young king replied and cupped his face with his free hand, brushing over his lips. “You… have used oil before, do you need it?”

_Lube. He means lube. But oil also does the job._

“It was something else, but do you have oil? It makes the slide nicer.” Moving further down, he licked over Hyungwon's lower stomach.

“I have coconut oil,” the blonde man replied quietly, a little embarrassed judging by the color on his cheeks and how red his lips had become from chewing them constantly. “It's...used on my skin after baths.”

“We will use it for you to feel nice,” he whispered, drawing a line from Hyungwon's navel to his groin with his tongue. Hoseok loved the way he smelled like coconut.

The beautiful blonde man sat up, and removed his long legs from under the blanket. The way the moonlight shone on his skin emphasized its gorgeous color and the way blush had travelled all the way to his chest.

“Let me get it for you,” Hyungwon whispered and walked over the cold marble floor, feet not making a single sound, almost like he was weightless. The young king disappeared into a nearby room close to his bedroom and returned a few moments later with a small bottle, filled with transparent liquid. Even the bottle itself was decorated, silver patterns gracing the glass.

_The bottle is meaningless, but look at him._

“Fancy,” he murmured and threw himself on the silky sheets, before propping up on both elbows and letting his gaze slide over Hyungwon's body slowly. He was gorgeous and Hoseok couldn't help reacting to the lean muscles covered by golden skin and long graceful legs, stepping closer.

“What is fancy?” the blonde man asked and lifted an eyebrow in question. He was nervous, that much was obvious from how his hands were shaking as he handed Hoseok the bottle. Licking over his lips, Hyungwon sat down on the bed, watching him intently.

“You. I could just lie here and stare at your gorgeous body for hours. Don't think I'd ever get enough of it.” He sat up and crawled closer, stretching out his legs and placing them on each side of Hyungwon's slim hips while hugging him from behind. Sucking in a breath, he placed kisses along the scar on the young king’s shoulder while his hands stroked over his lean stomach.

There was a traceable shiver that passed along the beautiful body, followed by a gasp.

“Thank you for kissing it, you make it more likeable somehow,” Hyungwon whispered and leaned back, spreading his soft blonde hair over Hoseok’s shoulder.

“There's nothing bad about it, you're beautiful,” he replied and shifted closer, pressing his lower body into Hyungwon in a smooth movement while his hands travelled over the length of the other man's firm thighs, fingers curling around the lean muscles.

“You are. I have never seen anything as breathtaking as the contrast of black ink and pale skin,” the blonde man replied and shifted further into his embrace. “Touch me more, please.”

_Make him forget everything, Hoseok._

He was already aroused and the friction from his length rubbing against Hyungwon's butt didn't make it easier. He curled his right arm around the beautiful man's waist, pulling him further in between his legs and curled the fingers of his other hand around the long, straight erection, warm and soft to the touch. Sucking in Hyungwon's intoxicating scent after a fresh bath, he sunk his teeth into his shoulder while moving his hand up and down, tightening around the tip.

A shaky breath left the beautiful man until Hyungwon lifted his palm and covered his mouth, containing the sounds of pleasure that threatened to escape.

“I will drown you in pleasure, so deep that you'll forget everything around you,” he whispered into the small ear. His lips travelled along Hyungwon's neck and shoulder, sometimes he couldn't contain himself and bit into the smooth skin, rolling his hips automatically while his hand stroked over the blonde man's length, torturously slowly.

“I- I told you that I can only let go when I am with you,” Hyungwon murmured and spread his legs a little, leaning even further against Hoseok’s chest. It felt like the other man melted in his arms, allowing him to do what no one else was allowed to do. It felt special somehow. “I desire to feel nothing but you.”

“You will, I'll give you all of me.” He moved back and pulled Hyungwon on top of the bed, pinning him down against the sheets and immediately attaching his lips to a dark nipple, erect and smelling like coconut.

He could hear muffled moans against the other man's palm as lean thighs spread further in response and Hyungwon's eyes fluttered shut. The blonde man seemed deprived, responding immediately and struggling to keep his mouth shut. Every touch caused a shiver to pass along the young king’s body.

He kept sucking on the small nipple as he reached for his pajama pants and grabbed the condom after fumbling in the pocket for a while. His teeth ripped the package open and he kneeled between Hyungwon's spread legs, watching him intently as he rolled the latex over his fingers, before taking the oil and spreading it sufficiently. Hoseok licked over his lips as he dropped the bottle on the sheets and let his oily fingers slide over Hyungwon's stomach and the length of his erection.

A hitch in the blonde boy’s breath was enough of a sign that he enjoyed it, erection twitching at the touch in addition.

“This- it feels so intense and- slick,” Hyungwon mumbled, quietly like he was embarrassed by the sound of the word. “Please.”

_He's so fucking beautiful, Hoseok, how did you end up so lucky?_

He let the sight sink in, feeling arousal spread in his body, concentrating in his lower stomach. Leaning down, he positioned himself between Hyungwon's legs and licked a stripe from the base to the tip of his length, before sucking on the smooth skin of his balls briefly, one finger already circling his entrance.

“This… is a little strange,” the blonde man murmured and pulled his legs together for a brief moment only to spread them again. “I feel like I shouldn't be thinking about what you are about to do, but- I still think about it. Like it's impossible to control one’s own thoughts. And feelings.” A rough exhale followed as Hyungwon's length twitched against his lips.

“But your body seems to like it,” he whispered, realizing the lack of stimulation and closing his lips around Hyungwon's tip, tongue tracing the connection between head and shaft while he continued the circling motions with his fingers.

There was a quick nod as the young king threw his head on the sheets and closed his eyes, lips trembling with how tightly he pressed them together, probably to not make a noise. A moan alone that passed through the heavy doors might have been enough to gain the guards’ attention.

_Make him see stars._

Hoseok inhaled deeply and sunk down, letting the broad tip hit the back of his throat while concentrating on the way his fingers slipped inside the incredibly tight body. He used two at once and it must've been uncomfortable, so he hurried the fuck up and curled them, rubbing over the small sensitive spot repeatedly, humming over Hyungwon's erection as an additional stimulation.

There was a muffled scream as the blonde man instantly pulled his second hand over his mouth and pressed down, whimpering as his body responded to the pleasure. Muscles contracted in Hyungwon's long legs and his erection twitched in Hoseok’s mouth. He could feel how the tightness pulled his fingers in, accompanied by the wide ice-blue eyes that stared at him.

_He can't scream but he should be able to enjoy it too. Use your head, Hoseok._

He let Hyungwon slip out of his mouth, fingers still pressing and rubbing in the hot tightness.

“Do you- do you want to take me into your mouth? I think I will be able to muffle your moans better,” he asked, licking over his lips and watching how the blonde man's erection twitched every time he hit dead on.

There was a little bit of hesitation until Hyungwon nodded, mouth still covered by both of his big palms. Shifting a little, the young king moaned again and made sure to create enough space for Hoseok’s body. He must have understood the plan, slipping further down on the huge bed.

_Well this would be a worthy position to get caught in._

He removed his fingers quickly and crawled on top of Hyungwon, positioning his hips right over the blonde man's face, he really hoped that it wasn't too traumatizing.

_Just distract him._

Leaning in, he took the pretty length into his mouth again and slipped his fingers inside. He took a few seconds longer to find the right angle, but bridged them skillfully with intense sucking on the young king’s tip.

There was another gasp until he felt plump lips close around the head of his erection and suck intently. It was the same way the blonde man had reacted when Hoseok kept his fingers inside his warm mouth to remain silent. The moans that followed right after vibrated along his length, adding to the sensation of a tongue licking over his slit.

“Fuck, just like that,” he murmured before taking Hyungwon completely, lips tightening and moans vibrating along it. Motivated by the sounds and the sensations the other man's tongue sent through his body, he moved his fingers faster, rubbing the sensitive spot repeatedly and with more pressure.

Hyungwon's whole body contracted around him, hips stuttering in their motions and thrusting up shallowly. It must have been difficult to resist with how moans continuously vibrated along Hoseok’s dick and the young king attempted to take him deeper, letting him slide past the tight ring of his plump lips and brush over the back of his tongue. The blonde man swallowed a few times, only adding to the pressure on his tip.

Hyungwon must've been close, so he added another finger carefully and concentrated on hitting dead on while he slid down the twitching length, moaning against it as his body trembled from the arousal he felt.

Hyungwon's hands suddenly curled around his thighs and held on tightly as he felt the beautiful man whimper around the erection in his mouth and stutter in his motions, head bobbing less and thighs shaking. A few more thrusts with his fingers were perfectly sufficient to throw the other man over the edge, scream muffled by the thick erection in his mouth and release caught by Hoseok’s lips.

He kept moving his fingers until Hyungwon's body started shaking at the oversensitivity. Placing soft kisses along his golden thighs, Hoseok removed his hand, getting rid of the condom and continued the path of his lips towards the other man's hip bones.

Hyungwon's eyes were half-lidded as he let Hoseok’s erection slip out of his mouth and breathed heavily, chest rising and falling quickly.

“Don't you- don't you want to feel good too?” the gorgeous man asked and curled his hand around his length, stroking it slowly, fingers tightening at the tip.

“I do, but your body trembling under me gives me the kick, it's crazy,” he whispered, sharing his fantasies for no reason, accompanied by his dick twitching in Hyungwon's hand.

“Like when I sit on your lap?” the young king asked with big eyes and leaned in to lick over his tip again, tongue digging into the slit. “Do you enjoy feeling in control?”

_Do you?_

“Well, considering that I'm a helpless mess in reality, I probably do. But more than that, I really love seeing that I am able to make someone lose himself, feel free, tremble and moan- I love it.” He turned around and let himself fall next to Hyungwon, licking the other man's arousal from his lips.

Hyungwon blushed at the sight and stared at the ceiling suddenly, it was adorable.

“Don't you feel strange… touching me like that? Isn't it somehow… dirty?” The blonde boy swallowed and shifted a little bit, thighs pressing together and one hand reaching out to pleasure Hoseok again.

“What? Dirty? I would've fucked you with my tongue if I didn't think that you'd have a mental breakdown,” he babbled without thinking, letting out a quiet moan at the sensations coming from Hyungwon's hand around his dick.

“W-what? F- with your tongue?” The other man's eyes had turned the size of saucepans as he stared at nothing in particular and chewed on his bottom lip. The redness on his cheeks only increased. Stroking over his length, Hyungwon visibly convinced himself to stay calm. “I'm not really used to this, especially not the words. Would you- would you like to be inside my mouth?”

_Duh?_

Suddenly there was a change in the young king's facial expressions as he licked over his lips and moved down, closing his plump mouth around the head of Hoseok’s erection without waiting for a reply.

“I don't know why I am asking when you told me countless times that you wish to be close to me,” the blonde man breathed out against the sensitive skin of his dick and covered it as much as he was able to on the first try. Sucking his way back up, Hyungwon must have been paying attention to Hoseok’s motions, repeating everything he had felt on himself a few moments ago. Hoseok could even feel long fingers touch his balls carefully, pulling lightly as Hyungwon bobbed his head down. The first time the king allowed Hoseok to hit the back of his throat, he coughed, biting his tongue instantly to be quiet. The second time he was more prepared, holding his breath and swallowing to make it feel good.

“God, you feel so good around me, fuck,” he hissed, sinking his fingers into the blonde hair and pulling a little. Hyungwon was motivated further by his response, following the rhythm of the pulls on his hair and swallowing and sucking harshly whenever he was able to. The sounds that filled the room were obscene, but not loud enough to evoke too much attention.

He couldn't help his imagination, how tight the young king’s body would feel around him, how Hyungwon would moan with his mouth open, rolling his eyes when he rolled his hips into him smoothly. The pictures sent him over the edge as he tightened his grip and pulled the blonde man over his dick, releasing himself down his throat. He could feel Hyungwon bury his nails in his thigh as he swallowed repeatedly, breathing through his nose. Only when Hoseok twitched in his mouth and let go of his hair, did the blonde boy lift his head, lips a cherry red and even plumper than before. It took some time before the beautiful, blonde man caught his breath.

“Have you- have you ever felt like fate is playing a game with us?” the beautiful man suddenly whispered, voice rough and hands reaching out to curl around Hoseok’s neck. He pulled the slim body on top of himself, connecting their lips and tasting himself on the king’s gorgeous lips.

_Fate is meaningless._

“I don't care about fate. I'm just trying to survive while protecting what I love.”

“But don't you think there has to be something deciding all of this? Deciding that we breathe and that there shall be so much variety? I mean, how small were the odds that exactly you are chosen for the princess, the only privileged man I know that rejects the system?” The king buried his face in the crook of his neck and licked over his collarbone. “How small were the odds that I didn't tell on you, believing you were a danger to what I'm used to? What are the odds that I let you touch me, something that is forbidden and only allowed for the woman I marry? I'm just overwhelmed by everything that happened. I'm just eighteen, Hoseok. How am I supposed to be the king? What skill does the crown suddenly give me that justifies all of this?”

“It might sound pressuring to you, but if there's a king I would accept on this stupid throne, it would be you and you only.”

Hyungwon lifted his head, staring at him intently with his big, blue eyes, his plump lips and the gorgeous, golden skin that was not painted on for once.

“Why, why me? Why would you put the fate of a whole kingdom in my hands?”

He smiled, stroking over the blonde head affectionately before replying.

“Because I love you and I trust that you're a good human. Because you're here next to me, doubting yourself and your competence. I think a king should be like this. If I'm being honest with you, I don't want any kings, but someone who makes decisions for the people of this country should definitely be someone like that.” Placing a kiss on Hyungwon's forehead, Hoseok relaxed in the other man's embrace and under his weight that was only discernible due to the pain in his stomach.

“It's not just me. There are advisors and it feels like all of them are just waiting for me to make a mistake, to say that I'm overwhelmed. It feels like there is nobody I can trust, Hoseok. Nobody but you.” Lifting up, the beautiful man kissed him, long fingers stroking over his hair repeatedly. “I will bring Lucy back. I can't bear to see you as lonely as I am.”

“That’s easy to fix. Let me marry your sister and I'll immediately be sitting on the other side of the table, wearing a dark blue suit and calling you ‘your majesty’,” he whispered and swallowed at the uncomfortable feeling that spread at his own words.

“Are you saying I should sacrifice your freedom in order to have you next to me? Give your faithfulness to my sister? I'm not even sure whether there is a human out there who is able to do such a thing, even for the sake of selfishness,” the blonde man murmured and cupped his face, lifting it so that they were looking at each other. “I want you for myself, Hoseok. It pains me to watch you marry her, even if you have no feelings for her and will be next to me. I know that it isn't what you want. I do not wish to be the source of your misery.”

“You misunderstood. Everything around me is the reason for my misery. Everything but you, you are the only reason that I am able to handle it, Hyungwon.” His voice was quiet, nothing more than an exhale against the other man's ear. “Among all those things that pressure you and make you worry, I- I don't want to be one of those things.”

“Romeo and Juliet, isn’t it?” the other man suddenly asked, smile pulling at one corner of his mouth until he chuckled. “Wishing to sacrifice for the other person until death. My father has always called self-sacrifice stupid and destructive, not only for the monarch but for the country itself. Selfishness is important to remain in power he said. I fear I am the wrong person for this, I cannot watch misery, I simply cannot.”

“Romeo and Juliet? That’s just a heteronormative story about two dumb teenagers. Self-sacrifice is only stupid if it doesn't change anything. You don't have to be like your father. Be yourself and if this position is not for you, we will come up with a solution for that.” He felt how angry he had become as soon as it was about choices. There was always a choice if one wanted to choose.

“I must really love you. Even if you say something, I do not agree with I just want to embrace you and stroke your hair. I have never felt this way,” Hyungwon murmured and sighed, leaning against the soft pillow. “I am sorry for complaining. I shouldn’t whine about my situation to somebody who hurt himself just for me. I am sorry, Hoseok. Please forgive me.”

“I told you,” he murmured and cupped Hyungwon's face, making sure that the king could look him in the eyes. “I told you that there's nothing you have to apologize to me about. Nothing. You can complain as much as you like when you're with me.”

The smile that spread the other man’s cheeks was gorgeous, wide and bright, showing a bit of teeth and turning his big eyes into crescents.

“I don’t see you enough, that’s my main complaint. I wish you could be next to me at all times and I could visit you whenever I desire, independent of whether there is a meeting or a decision I have to make.” There was a brief chuckle as Hyungwon suddenly chewed on his cheek and glanced to the side, blush returning. “And I miss your touch, every day.”

“You know, when you shower, or take a bath or however a king is supposed to wash himself, you can touch yourself in the same way that I touched you. Without the lips, but it'll still be nice, test it out. But make sure to use oil or soap that doesn't sting.” He grinned and licked over Hyungwon's plump bottom lip.

“Why...do I suddenly feel like it is not only my- groin you are talking about?” the blonde man murmured and pressed his lips together, pouting a little. “If I do that my thoughts will only be more focused on you, but- I’ll think about it. Do you do the same? Is it allowed? Unhealthy?”

“Ah, whether I finger myself? Sometimes if I'm bored, but I'm mostly into touching others like that. Those who like it,” he replied and winked at the blonde man, who was staring at him with his huge ice-blue eyes.

“Shush,” Hyungwon hissed and covered his lips with his big palm. It smelled like coconut and a little bit like Hoseok, much like the rest of his body. “I will never get used to your language, I fear. How can you just say it like that? I would die of shame.”

He chuckled, deciding on testing the king’s shame further.

“Well, what else should I call that? And it's usually the preparation, three fingers is minimum for taking me.” He winked again.

The ice-blue eyes only grew in size as the blonde boy pressed his palm further against Hoseok’s mouth, like he hoped to silence him. It was fascinating how red his face was, reaching to the tips of his curled ears.

“P-preparation? For the same thing that happened in the movie? T-three fingers is a lot, especially yours, they are thick.”

“Yes, preparation for sex. You took them perfectly fine today. You didn't know that I used three, but now you do,” he muttered against the other man's huge palm that was covering most of his face. “I love how red your face is, fuck, watch me get hard again because of your reaction.”

“Oh god, shut up, I’m supposed to be all honorable,” the blonde boy cursed and glanced towards Hoseok’s crotch briefly before he pressed his lips together, turning them into a thin red line. “I didn’t even know that men could do that before I met you. Now I have to imagine it, it was easier when it just happened and I didn’t know anything, oh god. You mean you could have-? Oh god.”

“I could have? Listen, I would never have sex with you without consent, who do you take me for? But I would've definitely fucked you with my tongue first and made sure to have proper lube. Like in my room.” Hoseok stuck out his tongue before leaning in and licking over the other man's pretty mouth, combining the kiss with a twitch of his erection against Hyungwon's thigh.

“You are shameless, I give up,” the young king muttered and pulled his hand back. He sounded like he had given up but the small smile against Hoseok's shoulder told him more than the other man’s words could have. “It isn’t about what you might have done without my consent, it is about what you might have done in my imagination, Hoseok.”

_He can imagine everything that he likes._

“Imagine as much as you want, but I'd definitely do better than in your imagination.” His lips spread in a grin after the shameless self-praise and he almost chuckled, but suppressed it in the right moment. It was weird, for the first time in the past few months he felt like the eighteen-year-old boy that he was.

“As I said, shameless,” Hyungwon muttered and pressed a kiss to his shoulder, biting into it briefly in revenge. “But- I do like the way it feels. A lot. This is the most you get from me and now shush, enough inappropriate conversation.”

“Don’t you sometimes wish to be just an eighteen-year-old boy who does his thing, meets his friends, has sex, falls in love and breaks up? Who can go wherever he likes and enjoys his life while taking it for granted?” he asked, lungs getting heavy again. It hurt to say those words because he had always thought that he was the one who wasn’t able to enjoy life because of his family, but it seemed as if he had been the privileged one.

“I don’t know, Hoseok. I never really thought about it. When you began showing me the outside, I was always afraid that it would show me my loneliness, make me aware of all those things I desired but couldn’t possess, like affection, physical contact, being kissed on bridges the way you did. I- I still feel like I might have never missed it, not as much as I do now.” It was quiet as the young king inhaled audibly and sat up on the large bed. “But I am still glad you showed me, I feel that it makes me more of a human.”

“You don’t want freedom?” His voice didn’t sound as if it was his when he let his feet touch the ground and looked up to the clock over Hyungwon’s bed. It was time to leave.

“It does not matter whether I want it or not, Hoseok. It isn’t mine to have,” the beautiful blonde man whispered as his fingers curled around his wrist, reluctant to let go. “The thought of freedom only hurts because it tells me you could have been mine.”

“That’s bullshit, Hyungwon. Freedom is everybody's to have. You are not an exception,” he muttered and picked up his clothes, slipping into them hesitantly. He didn’t want to leave, but there was no other choice, the seconds ticked away from him and he only had 25.

“I will not allow you to hurt your body anymore. Enter the neighboring room. I will make sure to have the guards here. They only care about me anyway,” Hyungwon exclaimed and grabbed his own clothes, pulling them over his long legs and lean chest. His eyes seemed a little darker than they had been a few moments ago, expression hardening like he was falling back into his role.

_He’s doing all kinds of things for you._

“I love you, Hyungwon. You can have everything that you want, don’t let them limit you in your desires, they’re yours.” He pressed a kiss against the blood-red lips and turned around, disappearing behind the heavy wooden door of a room that looked like an office.

He waited for a few seconds, listening intently as the guards moved in the direction of the king’s bed chambers before slipping out soundlessly and running down the hall. He still had to run because the guards in front of his door changed shifts.

When Hoseok finally entered his room and slipped under his blanket, he tried to remember the way Hyungwon had looked when he left.

Suddenly there was a knock and one of the guards he didn’t know the name of entered, watching him intently. It was beyond strange and definitely not something the guy should’ve been doing at 3AM.

“Can I help you?” he asked, sitting up in his bed with fingers clenching into fists, ready to fight.

“There is someone who wants to speak you, Lee Hoseok,” the black-haired guard replied and handed him a phone.

_What the actual fuck?_

Adrenaline rushed through his veins, feeling so familiar but so hateful at the same time. Pressing the device against his ear, he cleared his throat.

“I’m listening.”

“Hoseok, darling, I heard that you are recovering well,” his mother’s voice sounded through the speaker, scary high pitch making the words seem more like a joke, even though there hadn't been a time his mother had joked. “I wanted to tell you something as you will be marrying the princess in one week. I think we’ve told you that you will be sitting on the advisors board and the late king’s death has been very beneficial to us, so I’m very happy to tell you that you should prepare yourself.”

_Preparing yourself for what?_

“I was aware. What else do I have to prepare myself for?” he asked, voice barely a whisper. The presence of the guard who had stared at him all the while he had been talking added to the strange feeling in his stomach.

“You should prepare yourself to become the next king.”  


  
  
***  


“But this is impossible, your majesty.”

The eyes of the advisor in front of him were the size of saucepans, hands shaking a little as he repeatedly shook his head, as if the action was going to make Hyungwon less likely to be successful. It wasn’t, there was nothing the elderly man could use to argue against him, nothing of value.

“I believe that both of us are perfectly aware that impossibility is not really a valid argument in our business, dear advisor of internal affairs.” Hyungwon smiled, attempting to get the upper hand through his debating skills, the way he always did. It was the only thing in addition to his martial arts training and climbing abilities that gave him sufficient confidence.

“You cannot bring a woman of color into the palace after the attack on the prince consort,” the advisor tried again, fixing his robes in a nervous gesture while glancing towards the black car that was driving through the palace gates. Nobody had been allowed to enter the palace from the outside since Hoseok had taken poison and the king passed away. There was a period of mourning and Hyungwon had decided that it was enough, enough being afraid of something pointless and enough pointing fingers. A few moments passed until the elderly man added ‘your majesty’ belatedly.

“Are you of the opinion that it was a person of color that poisoned the prince consort? I believe I presented my investigation to the advisory board, showing that it has been an internal matter, nothing to do with anybody from the outside. Furthermore, Miss Davis is one of the most reliable individuals I have encountered until now, outperforming many of her peers and individuals you would probably consider more fitting to be in her position. I will not allow slander towards her work and believe that the prince consort is in a good enough condition to resume his education. I am sure you will agree with me.”

There was a little bit of shuffling next to him as the advisor stepped to the side, taking his place on the stairs as the car parked in front of the grand entrance, close to Hyungwon. It wasn’t expected of him to welcome her on his own, especially considering her status, but she was the first person that was allowed entry into the palace and Hyungwon genuinely hoped the media would blow the whole thing up a little.

“It is a pleasure to see you, Miss Davis,” he greeted Lucy, unable to contain the authentic smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth. He hadn’t seen the beautiful woman for several weeks. He had lost track of the time, it felt like an eternity. The last time had been when they visited her a few days before the wedding.

_Now it is a few days before the wedding again, only that she is here._

Lucy stepped out of the car, dressed in an elegant black dress, hair put up in a gorgeous bun with a few black locks framing her face. She bowed and greeted him with his new title. It felt strange, especially with the woman in front of him. She looked so grown up, much more so than he felt.

“Please allow me to escort you, I am sure you remember the palace, but it has been a while and the prince consort has not been able to leave his bedchambers over the past few weeks. I am sure you have heard,” Hyungwon elaborated, still following rules of conduct by keeping an appropriate distance and putting as much information as possible into as few words as possible. He wanted Lucy to be prepared for what was to come, to be aware that a lot of things had changed during the time they had been apart. “Depending on how much of a nuisance the guards will be today I hope you will be able to study in peace.”

“Don’t worry, your majesty, I appreciate your efforts and am sincerely grateful. If there is an opportunity, I would also like to see the princess, as we discovered a common interest when we met,” Lucy replied, smiling at him. It was one of her authentic smiles. Hyungwon suppressed an eyebrow lift at the comment, genuinely surprised that Lucy would desire to see his sister despite everything. A few hours were not a long time and seeing that they must have gotten close enough to wish for a meeting was surprising. He knew better than to ask, so he agreed, hoping that Yewon would accept Lucy as a visitor. His sister was rather unwilling to leave her chambers.

_Luckily Lucy is a woman._

It felt strange to walk the familiar path to Hoseok’s bedchambers while having several guards behind him and Lucy next to him. Hyungwon hadn’t visited the black-haired man since his coronation and the steps that added echo to his own were difficult to get used to.

There was no need to be announced, so he stepped into the room, eyes instantly searching for Hoseok and the way he would react to seeing his best friend in the palace. Hyungwon had the secret hope that he had achieved something good, something that would make the beautiful blue-eyed man happy despite his situation.

_Now you only need to make sure to throw everybody else out._

The black-haired man sat on his bed and had his eyes closed. The headphones Hoseok was wearing explained the lack of reaction. There were a few servants that instantly tried to get Hoseok’s attention. Because the king had entered, because Hyungwon had entered. He lifted his palm to stop them, unwilling to break the expression of calm on Hoseok’s face. He was beautiful and it was difficult to keep whatever he thought and felt at that moment from his features. Inhaling sharply, Hyungwon turned to the servants and guards present and tensed his jaw.

“Leave,” he spoke, not too loud but just right for everybody present to hear. It was fascinating how quickly everybody cleared out of the room. When he was the prince, he had no right to be alone with Hoseok but as soon as he became the king, it was only a matter of how quickly they obeyed his orders. Only one unfamiliar guard appeared more reluctant to leave, but still did so nevertheless.

Once there was nobody but the three of them, he released a long sigh.

“Hoseok?” he spoke carefully, stepping a little closer to the bed.

The pale eyelids opened quickly and Hoseok’s ocean-blue eyes focused on his face. There was a mixture of shock and something that resembled sadness. Pulling his headphones down, the black-haired man turned around to look at who else was in the room, until his eyes settled on Lucy, who looked as if she was about to cry.

“What are you doing here?” he whispered.

Hyungwon struggled with the expression on the other man’s face, not understanding when sadness became the prominent emotion instead of relief, instead of happiness to see him. It hurt a little, but he forced himself not to show it.

“I asked her to come,” he replied and brushed through his hair, only to be stopped by the crown. It felt like a sudden stab against the skin of his hand, reminding him of what he was doing and where he was. Arranging his bangs the way they were meant to be, he pressed his lips together and watched the two of them, hoping for relief on Hoseok’s face that never came.

“Oh god, what happened?” Lucy whispered, watching Hoseok while her bottom lip trembled. “Did you refuse to eat? You’re half of your body size!”

Hoseok stood up and walked over to them both, taking the girl’s hand and squeezing it briefly.

‘Be careful’ he mouthed at him, teeth settling on his bottom lip.

‘I can't talk openly because someone is here?’ Hyungwon mouthed back and couldn’t help the way his eyes widened in shock. There shouldn’t have been anybody, he sent everybody out. Why would anybody listen in in Hoseok’s room? The meeting room, of course, but the private bedchamber of the prince consort? It was unheard of.

_But you can’t trust anybody, but him._

‘I will tell you later. Be careful around me,’ Hoseok mouthed again before closing his eyes for a few seconds, as if all of this was too much for him.

“Your majesty, I am very grateful that you have allowed Miss Davis to enter the palace, I haven’t been able to study well during the past few weeks. Thank you. I would prefer if we could study in the study room, I already feel better and can walk there,” the black-haired man spoke while glancing at the door repeatedly.

There was a burning sensation that moved along Hyungwon's veins, resembling ice that slowly froze the blood, pausing its movement and making its way straight to his heart. It was so cold that it burned.

_Fear, you're afraid._

“Of course, let us be on our way then,” Hyungwon uttered carefully and curled his hands into fists to prevent them from shaking. The sensation was so familiar, pulling him back to being in his room and shaking at the slightest of noises, scared to be hurt or even killed. He didn't know where it suddenly came from but it was right there, at the tips of his fingers.

Opening the door, he nodded at his guards, waiting for them to surround them appropriately before he got going, walking along the long hallways like he wasn't a human being, only a body that moved, one step after the next.

_He told you to be careful around him. But why?_

The oxygen didn't stay in his lungs, even when they finally reached the study room and he asked the guards to leave him, discomfort only continuing to spread.

“Okay, first of all, what the fuck, Hoseok? I’m going to take you with me when I leave this place,” Lucy murmured, fingers curled into fists. The black-haired man watched them both and exhaled, again closing his eyes for a few seconds.

“I’m sorry, it’ll get better, I’m already exercising and everything, I promise.”

Hyungwon didn't say anything, breathing quickly and forcing himself to calm down. Something was off and his body overreacted, sending repeated surges of adrenaline through his blood and taking his ability to think clearly. He wanted to embrace the black-haired man, to have him whisper into his ear like a few days ago, telling him he deserved freedom and should stay calm. But he didn't know if it was okay yet, if he was allowed to be himself, be Hyungwon instead of an eighteen-year-old boy with a crown. His hands were still shaking as he watched the two of them carefully.

_You have to calm down, Hyungwon. You are stronger than this._

There was a short pause before the ocean-blue eyes focused on him, storm apparent from first sight, emphasized by the black eyebrows, making the other man look older with how determined he looked.

“I don’t know who to trust. There are guards who work for my parents, they- it’s just crazy, I’m still not sure whether I dreamt it. They have bought a surveillance company recently and I can’t be sure about the room I’m in.” Hoseok chewed on his lip repeatedly, the determined gaze was replaced by nervousness.

Hyungwon's eyes widened at the news, mind attempting to process what the words meant. It seemed crazy, impossible. All the guards had to swear neutrality apart from their oath towards to royal family, it was betrayal to have favoritism towards somebody from the outside.

“That's- punishable by law, they must be neutral, they are strictly chosen,” he murmured. It wasn't clear who he was attempting to convince, Hoseok or himself. “You believe that they have installed surveillance equipment in your bedchambers? When would they have managed, Hoseok? You haven't left them for weeks.”

_Unless it has been there for much longer than you think._

“I was so weak that I slept most of the time. One of the guards came to me at 3AM a few days ago- on the day we...talked. He was holding a phone in his hand with my mother on the line. I didn’t dream it and I- god, I think I’m going crazy.” Hoseok let himself fall on one of the chairs and buried his head in his palms.

“Holy shit. But I’m not surprised to be honest. There were so many things I haven’t told you about that your parents did, making sure that you ‘behaved’- I didn’t want you to feel bad about it, but they’re nuts, Hoseok. Especially your mom.” Lucy stepped closer and placed a kiss on top of the black-haired man’s head. “I have no idea what’s going on, but I’m sorry for your loss, Hyungwon.”

“Thank you, Lucy,” Hyungwon whispered, hands curling up at his sides. He wasn't sure whether he could touch, whether he could be close. Hoseok didn't seem to have told Lucy about them, about how close they really were, how much they actually needed each other.

_You will go mad if you can't see him because of this._

“What have they done, Lucy?” he asked eventually, pulling himself together and moving closer to both Hoseok and the black-haired woman, concern drawn all over her face. He needed to know, especially if some of the guards weren't on his side anymore.

_There is nobody you can trust, it's what you've been told all this time._

The girl kept switching her gaze from Hoseok to him, before speaking.

“They- kind of threatened me to tell them everything about Hoseok’s private life, who he talked to, who he was close to, what he did. That’s one of the reasons that my mom doesn’t have a job. But it’s not his fault, it’s because I’m not a person like that and I regret nothing.” Lucy curled her arms around the black-haired man who didn’t lift his face, still hiding behind his palms. “But what about- you- you two?” she suddenly asked, turning to him and watching him intently.

_She can see that something is different._

“Both of us appreciate your silence,” Hyungwon murmured, unsure how else to respond to the question. Hoseok hadn't said anything, so it wasn't his place to give whatever was happening between them a name. It was secondary compared to the suffering he could see on that familiar pale face. Hoseok’s parents dared to hurt his best friend, for information on him. It was disgusting, disgusting and terrifying. “I will not allow them to take your freedom any longer. What happens to the money you receive for tutoring, is it sufficient to care for your family? Do you require a raise?”

_You're being distant, Hyungwon, snap out of it._

“This is not about money, Won,” the girl whispered, suddenly addressing him with his fake name. “Did you two fight? Is it because you’re the king now? Hoseok, since when do you care about stuff like that?”

There was a movement before Hoseok lifted his gaze, ocean-blue eyes glistening in the bright light of the crystal chandelier.

“We didn’t, I love him more than anything, I’m just fucking terrified,” the other man whispered with a strange emptiness in his usually very dynamic and stormy gaze.

Hyungwon couldn't bear it, not with a confession out in the open. He stepped forward and sank to his knees, arms instantly curling around the black-haired man's waist in his despair. His breaths were quick, body instantly responding to Hoseok being afraid. The other man was never afraid, he acted according to what he knew and believed in, pulling through no matter what, sneaking into the chambers of the king at night. Hoseok wasn't somebody who was afraid, but here he was, sitting on a chair in a study room of the library and whispering that he was terrified.

_If even he is afraid, how are you expected to be strong?_

Hyungwon's hands wrapped tightly around Hoseok’s waist and he buried his face in the black-haired man's lap, not caring about the way the crown knocked askew on his head. It was meaningless, utterly meaningless if he couldn't do anything to calm Hoseok, to return the liveliness to his beautiful face.

“Don’t, oh my god, don’t-” Hoseok’s voice was barely a whisper when he pulled him up, pale hands immediately cupping his face and stroking over it as if something had happened to him. “I- I will think of something, just- just be careful around me, I will still be here for you.”

He heard Lucy murmuring a curse behind them.

“How can I be careful around you if you are the only person I trust, Hoseok? There is only you,” Hyungwon gasped and attempted to return oxygen to his lungs, to keep his composure, to return to the pure neutrality that must remain on his face at all times. He had to be unreadable, to be one step ahead, to know everything that Hoseok’s parents were planning, who they were talking to.

_You need to take action, you have to._

“I need people of my own,” he whispered, voice trembling. “I need to have somebody on my side, to know who I can trust.”

“I- I will try to find out which advisors are on my parent’s side, but I fear that it’ll be a lot. I think it would be smartest to try to gain the trust of the people. Push decisions that will show the population that you care and that you’re different, it’s- they- they are convinced, that means that they’re prepared. The palace is rotten, you have to reach out. I will try to help you as much as I can. Even- even if it might not look like help at first sight,” Hoseok whispered, leaning in briefly and placing a kiss on his lips, soft and warm but too short.

“I'm trying, I've been working on it. I made sure to create more beneficial projects, to show more open-mindedness, to argue against inciting fear among the people. There has been media coverage of Lucy coming here and she's doing amazing, looking great and right where she belongs. I'm trying hard but there is so much opposition.” The words left his lips like a waterfall, hands remaining right on Hoseok’s waist and breaths still ragged. He felt surrounded, the same way he had felt years ago, surrounded by guards and never allowed to leave the palace, not even once.

_Just that the outside seems safer than this._

“You might be able to set yourself free, thereby giving freedom to a lot of people. I trust that you can,” Hoseok murmured and kissed him again. He looked so vulnerable as he fixed the position of the crown on his head, brushing a stray strand behind his ear.

_He's right, you have to step out instead of remaining inside. Trust is the strongest protection._

Hyungwon licked over his lips before slowly raising his head. He wasn't wearing the official gown, he never did. It was the first thing he had abandoned; the crown was enough weight on his shoulders. Standing up, he brushed over the fabric of his pants to remove stray specks of dust. He needed the few seconds to regain composure, to remember who he was and how he had to appear. Not only to the people that wished him well but also his enemies.

Inhaling deeply, he turned towards Lucy and embraced the short woman, wrapping his arms around her narrow shoulders and pulling her close. It was the first time he hugged her on his own, without waiting for her to initiate it. The girl embraced him immediately, lifting on her tiptoes, but still only barely reaching up to his shoulder.

“Hyungwon, baby, this is so crazy and I’m so sorry. I wish I could just take you both out and make you live with me in my tiny apartment. You can mess up the bed like last time.” Lucy chuckled before lifting further and quickly pressing a kiss on his cheek. “But I kinda want to take Yewon too.”

Hyungwon nodded slowly, unsure what else to say and too embarrassed by the comment about the girl's bedsheets. It felt irresponsible somehow and he wished he knew how to deal with situations like that.

“I apologize for your bedsheets, I am unfamiliar with such conduct,” he muttered and remained in the embrace. It felt nice even though it wasn't Hoseok and even though Lucy was really short, almost like Yewon, just less thin. “If you have financial struggles or difficulties with employment, I hope you will tell me. I cannot reverse what has been done, but there is definitely something I can do.”

_You are the king, there has to be something you can do._

“Be healthy and be nice to Hoseok, that’s all,” she whispered and squeezed him a little before letting go. “And don’t worry, the sheets are fine. It’s Hoseok’s bed anyway.”

“But where do you sleep then? Don't you have a bedchamber of your own?” Somehow Lucy always managed to confuse him in the shortest amount of time.

“A bedchamber? Really? Hoseok bought the bed, we were sharing it as he stayed over a lot. Maybe you can manage to go to the anniversary celebration of our university and I can brag that I know the king.” Grinning brightly, the girl winked at him before pulling a thick book out of her bag. Hoseok kept his gaze on a spot on the table without saying a word.

“Both of us are officially enrolled, only palace schooled,” Hyungwon muttered and didn't know how to fulfil his urge to kiss Hoseok without performing an inappropriate action in front of another person. Hoseok had kissed him, but it was emotional, and affection was meant to be kept in the bedroom. “If you wish to see the princess, say that you were given the right by the king.” He chewed on his cheek as Lucy prepared to study, not sure what to do with himself. He saw Hoseok so rarely that he couldn't force himself to leave, not just like that.

“Can you stay?” Hoseok asked suddenly, lifting his gaze from the spot on the table the other man was staring at.

Hyungwon wanted to, he really did, but he couldn't.

“I'm sorry,” he murmured and shook his head. “I cannot keep them away forever and us being alone for an extended period of time only raises suspicion. Why would the king join your study session apart from the reasons I have already given?” It felt strange to talk of the king and know that it was in reference to him. In his mind the words were still associated with his father, sitting on the throne and glancing down at him, reminding him of that one time that he was told to jump from the apple tree.

_He said that he would catch you, but he didn't._

It still felt unsettling when memories of the king returned to him, like he had no time for them so they found other ways to haunt him, to remind him of the empty spot that he was forced to fill somehow. He hadn't spoken to his mother even once since then.

_Because she hides away, unwilling to see you._

“You’re right, you- I’m sorry for being unreasonable. See you around.” The black-haired man turned back to the table and stared at the book instead of the empty spot.

“Can I… can I kiss you even if it is inappropriate?” He couldn't help it, words leaving his lips even though he was dressed as the king, standing in a study room in broad daylight, with another person right next to them.

“It’s not. It’s not inappropriate,” Hoseok whispered and stood up from his chair, closing the distance in one step, warm breaths hitting his face.

“But… there is another person,” Hyungwon murmured, eyes quickly jumping to Lucy who was sitting at the table and smiling at him softly. He felt nervous somehow, breaths quickening and hands shaking a little. It was the same feeling of breaking protocol all over again.

“You can do whatever you think is right, Hyungwon.” Hoseok’s voice vibrated in his ears as the other man leaned even closer, looking into his eyes with the same intense gaze he treasured so much.

“Please kiss me,” he whimpered in response, body shaking at how much he needed the touch. It felt like he was going crazy on his own, forbidden from seeing people around him apart from his guards. He was the king but it was impossible to act as he desired. There was nothing that he desired more than the man in front of him. “Please, Hoseok.”

He could feel the other man's sharp exhale against his face before pale hands reached for it and Hoseok finally leaned in, connecting their lips in a slow sensual kiss. After a few seconds he felt the other man's strong arms curl around his waist and pull him into his embrace.

“It will be fine. We will be fine,” Hoseok whispered in between the touches before leaning back and placing another kiss on his lips briefly.

It seemed like the ice that had spread out through his veins, making its way to his heart, had thawed at the touch alone, heat returning. Hyungwon craved to keep the moment for a little longer, but he couldn't.

Instead he pressed their foreheads together for a few seconds before stepping away and returning his face to the expression that was meant to be on it, calm and collected.

“I love you,” he whispered quietly, lips trembling at the words before he turned around and walked through the door, ready to play his part.

_You have to fight for this, Hyungwon, against everything you thought was right._

 

_

 

Everything felt overdone, the white decorations, the ivory patterns along the walls and tables, even gracing the marble floor at the edges as if the whole kingdom needed to know of the riches that the royal family possessed.

Part of the hall was decorated in bright blue, the colors of Hoseok’s family, a combination of both the symbols of the royal family and those of the Lee family. It was designed to be perfect, mostly paid for by Hoseok’s parents as a gift. It was difficult to see any of it as a gift, neither the gorgeous decorations nor with the people present, plastering fake smiles on their faces and stuffing themselves with food.

Hyungwon had never felt so segregated during an event at the palace, not even once. As the prince he would have been meaningless, standing at the side and watching his sister get married, but now he was the one giving the blessing, the one who had to watch all of it with open eyes and wish both of them well. It was like ripping his own heart out and placing it on a platter for the world to see, right in front of them all, the media, the guests, the servants, the guards and finally Hoseok and Yewon themselves.

They were in the throne hall, tables beautifully arranged throughout and photographers running from person to person to take another shot of a fake smile or someone wishing the princess well and feeling happy that the long-awaited wedding was finally taking place. It was necessary, Hyungwon knew that it was. There was nothing that could be changed about it, nothing to be reversed, but still he hated it. He hated it with every inch of his being, hands shaking next to his hips and lips remaining frozen in a smile to not show what he was really thinking.

It was a happy occasion. A wedding was always meant to be a happy occasion, but he couldn't help the feeling that he was watching his own funeral. The way Hoseok grasped Yewon's small hand in his, dressed in a beautiful black suit while his sister wore a long ivory dress and the way both of them stepped closer towards him with smiles on their faces was like a funeral for his feelings instead of a wedding.

His bottom lip felt like it was about to tremble and he pulled it into his mouth a little bit, still keeping the smile. He had to smile, it was meant to be a happy occasion. It had to be.

Hyungwon was able to control his lips, his cheeks, the way his face moved, but not his eyes. Not how he couldn't help but stare at the beautiful man, the way his pitch-black hair covered his forehead, framing his eyes gorgeously. Hoseok’s curved lips seemed like they were smiling, even without effort. There was a storm raging in those blue eyes and Hyungwon wanted to see it up close so badly, to decipher the emotions and the different colors that hid behind them.

The gorgeous man stepped even closer, pale hand still holding onto his sister's equally pale one, waiting for his words, for his blessing.

Hyungwon swallowed and he knew exactly that his eyes couldn't lie, not in front of Hoseok and those ocean-blue orbs. But it didn't matter, nobody knew what his face looked like when he was emotional, sometimes Hyungwon didn't even know himself.

The words rolled of his tongue automatically, simple and clean, the way he was meant to say them but without an ounce of honesty. He didn't wish them well, he physically couldn't. It hurt to see them close, to watch them be promised to each other even if both of them wished for something else, to be with somebody else.

It was quiet as he saw Hoseok turn around slowly, eyes fixating on his sister's beautiful face, watching her intently. It felt like the moments stretched and all sound faded out. Only the loud thumps of his heart told him that time was still passing, that it was really happening, that Hoseok was kissing his sister and becoming hers.

His hands felt clammy as he inhaled, watching without being able to tear his gaze away, to avoid the nausea and helplessness he felt at the sight.

The seconds ticked by and still Hyungwon couldn't pull one particular thought from his mind, couldn't ban it for the time that he was forced to watch the man he loved marry somebody else.

_He should have been yours._

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know, the problem is that we are a society full of variety. There are people who make a lot of money and people who make little, people who want to pursue an education and others who don't, individuals who want to have a family and individuals who prefer to be alone or to not have kids, women, men, light skin, dark skin, but- in the end, the benefits, the group this country takes care of, is very limited to the- mostly light skinned males who own most of the money this country has. That is wrong. Simply wrong.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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“Don’t worry, it will be fine,” he whispered into Yewon’s ear while dying on the inside. The wedding day arrived and he felt like a shell of himself, dressed in a black suit and trying to calm his future wife. His thoughts sounded like a really bad joke.

_It’s the reality._

If Hoseok was honest, he didn’t even have enough time to think what it meant to be a married man, that he held the hand of his wife and got blessed by the man he loved more than anything in the world. His mind was busy trying to come up with solutions that didn’t arrive and thoughts that turned in a circle, even as he pressed his lips against Yewon’s slightly cooler ones. He didn’t feel anything, nothing besides the scary future that was about to come because his parents decided that they needed him for something.

_You have to be smart, Hoseok. You can’t just say no and sabotage it. They might do something to him._

He swallowed as he leaned back and smiled, eyes focused on his friend’s blonde eyebrows. The thought of his parents hurting Hyungwon didn’t leave him and there was nothing he wanted to do more than take the beautiful blonde man and take him away from the palace, safe from all the people around them.

Even the sleazy grin of his uncle from the royal family who had touched him when he was a kid didn’t manage to bring him out of his continuous thoughts, fighting with possible actions and their consequences.

_You are smart, Hoseok. You can’t do maths, but you’re smart nevertheless._

He still didn’t tell Hyungwon about his parent’s plan to make him the next king. It was crazy, even in his thoughts it sounded crazy, how could he have told the other man something as ridiculous as that?

_And he told you that you would be a better king._

Closing his eyes for a few seconds, he smiled at his parents with all the energy he could muster and nodded briefly.

_They think they can use you. Don't ruin their hopes._

He felt nauseous, watching all the guests stuff their mouths with expensive, useless food. One could've done so much more with the money spent on the needless celebration, but it wasn't his job to decide. His job was to act like the nice son in front of his parents, making them believe that he was able to fulfil all of their expectations.

“Hoseok, darling, did you meet the advisors yet? We wanted to use the time for you to greet some very important people here in the palace,” his mother commented with a smile while Yewon received congratulatory messages on the side.

“I haven't met them, but I'd love to, mother,” he replied and let himself be introduced properly to the complete advisory board.

_It's like you thought. This place is rotten, he can't trust anyone and you can't trust anyone either._

There were so many faces, fake smiles and useless congratulations from high ranked people in politics, media and industry that he felt surrounded, caught in a glass prison created by his parents a long time ago. He was too stupid and too naive to see that he had seen the world through those glass walls.

_You were the caught one, weren't you? Manipulated and kept in the belief that you were free._

Leaning in to hug his mother, he masked the way he whispered into her ear.

“You can trust me, but you need to loosen the security around me, I can't get close to the king and I can't participate in anything important like this. You have to give me some space to move,” he murmured, before leaning back with a friendly smile.

“We just wanted to make sure that nothing happens to you, especially after the poison attack. We didn't do anything because we had our people here who knew that you were safe, but you have to be careful. There might be more, we can't afford you dying now.” A big, bright smile spread his mother's pale cheeks and he felt like vomiting again.

_They can't afford your death. Well, at least it gives you worth._

“Don't worry.” He nodded politely and stepped back a little, welcoming the next guest. He wanted to look at Hyungwon so badly, he wanted to see his beautiful ice-blue eyes and to determine whether he was okay, whether he knew that Hoseok was playing a role, whether he was hurt. Hurt and lonely.

He wanted to, but he couldn't. There were eyes everywhere and he couldn't afford any of them watching his real feelings towards the blonde man with the heavy crown on his head. It was impossible.

_You became his weakness. A weakness nobody can ever know about._

 

_

 

“You must be so tired,” he muttered as he helped Yewon out of her terrible dress, throwing the fabric on top of the chair. “So they expect us to fuck and then I can go to my room? That's so fucking romantic, oh my god. I'm so sorry.” Holding his forehead, he tried to ignore the anger boiling in his veins at such treatment.

“That's- how it usually works,” Yewon commented quietly. The princess looked uncomfortable, fidgeting a little and licking over her lips like they were too dry for comfort. “I don't know if they will believe any of this without- you know- some proper noise.”

_She wants you to moan?_

“Oh, wow, so they're listening too. This is so fucking creepy, but you're not alone in this. My plan was to lie down on the carpet and put my headphones on and you can do- that thing with the toy that Lucy showed you. When I hear you making noises loudly, I'll make some too, it should be fine,” he commented as he loosened the princess’ underskirt and helped the thin girl to step out of it until she was left standing in only her underwear. She had blisters on her feet from the stupid high heels she had been forced to wear the whole day. “And after that I can massage your feet and you can moan some more as a bonus.” He smiled brightly.

“You...I think I'll never get used to it. You're so different from anybody I’ve ever met before now. You might be the first man I'm genuinely not afraid of, even if I am naked.” Yewon smiled back and climbed on top of the bed, covering her slim body with the blanket. “I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I wish Lucy was here.”

“Lucy- she seems to like you a lot and I'm sorry, I won't look if you feel uncomfortable, I promise.” Sitting down on the carpet, he pulled out his mp3 player and his headphones, that he had hidden under the princess’ bed and turned them on.

“Even though I'm aware of your preferences I think I would like to keep this little bit of conservativeness. I want to show my naked self to somebody that I really like,” Yewon replied and blushed a little. “I like her too. I hope you will also find somebody you like, Hoseok, I really do.”

“I did,” he replied barely audibly and pulled the headphones over his ears. “I respect that. Your body is yours and you're the only one to decide what to do with it and who to show it to. Please kick me if something's up.” He lay down, only seeing the white ceiling decorated with a big crystal chandelier.

“You can touch yourself too if you like,” was the last comment until he heard the first few notes, drowning out everything else.

_If there's one thing that you can't think about right now, then it's touching yourself._

The music was nice, calming and he had time to think. It wasn't the first time that he lay on the carpet while someone else masturbated. Staying over at Lucy's place had that as one of the disadvantages, but he didn't care as long as Lucy didn't and as long as the princess was okay. The minutes passed and he shifted once in a while, making groaning noises on purpose and hoping that he wasn't ruining Yewon's self-love session.

It was difficult to tell how much time had passed when a small hand curled around his forearm and shook him. Yewon was sitting next to him, curled up in her blanket. Her face was a healthy pink color, lips almost resembling Hyungwon's.

“You look pretty,” he commented and took off his headphones, smiling brightly. “Was it fun? I hope it was fun, it's the least you deserve.”

The princess slapped his shoulder lightly before smiling back.

“It was, I had a good teacher. I just hoped that you would be less miserable yourself.”

“Me? Oh, don't worry about me, my head is busy anyway and I definitely wanted to make sure that you were fine.” Taking one of the girl’s slim feet into both of his palms, he started massaging the sore muscles. “Yeah, Lucy is amazing. I can remember how Hyungwon looked when he accidentally saw her sex toy drawer.”

“Stop ruining him, he's all cute and innocent,” Yewon complained but was interrupted by her own gasp because of Hoseok’s massaging skills. “I still can't believe he was fine with all of that, leaving the palace, seeing what it's like, all the ‘inappropriate action’ going on. A sex toy drawer is the cherry on top.”

“Maybe you- no, you should definitely talk to each other more. He's way more than you think and he feels lonely being king all by himself,” Hoseok whispered, applying pressure through his fingertips, loosening the tension in the slim foot.

“But I'm just the princess, there is nothing I can give. He has you, I heard you are even on the advisors board even though you'll get shit for it.” There was another sigh until the princess looked a little uncomfortable. “We were close before, really close. It was a few years ago, but I was reprimanded and threatened into staying away for his own safety, to make sure that he isn't distracted from his duty as a crown prince.”

_Fucking assholes._

“That’s bullshit, they just tortured him emotionally. And you. Don't let people tell you who you can be close to and who not.” Placing a kiss on the pale skin, he let the princess’ foot touch the ground and stood up. “I'm going to go to bed. Remember that you're the best and no-one can tell you shit, Yewon.”

“Thank you, Hoseok, you're really one of a kind, a treasure.” The smile on the girl’s face was beautiful, bright and spreading her lips into a thin line. She stood up from the carpet and climbed back into her bed, eyes watching him leave quietly. “I'm glad that I married you and not a misogynistic pig.”

_You're not a treasure, you're a curse._

Grinning, he blew the pretty girl a kiss and disappeared into the room that connected their chambers.

Watching himself in the mirror after he had entered his bedroom, he started undressing slowly. First the black suit jacket followed by the white button down, revealing his pale tattooed skin, then he opened his pants and slid them down his muscular legs, remaining completely naked.

_It looks more like you and less like a king. You can't be a king, ever._

He closed his eyes and stood on his spot for a few long moments, breathing in the stuffy air filled with the smell of detergent. Moving towards his bed in the barely lit room, he sat down on the edge before slipping under the blanket and covering himself in darkness.

It was quiet until he suddenly heard brief shuffling, almost like the sound of curtains moving. But it was impossible, not with closed windows and stuffy air in the room.

_Someone's here. Probably one of your parent’s rats._

“What do you want?” he asked into nothing, not bothering to remove the blanket from his head.

“I wanted to see you today,” a familiar low voice whispered, not coming closer.

_Hyungwon._

He ripped the blanket off his head and stared in the direction of the voice. It was strange to see Hyungwon at night, in full attire instead of his thin, black pajamas. The blonde man was standing in the middle of his bedroom, hands loose at his sides and big ice-blue eyes focused on him. His legs were covered by black silk and a thin, black shirt was spanning his chest and arms. There was jewelry on his fingers and his wrist in addition to gold around his neck. The crown on top of the blonde head was what made the sight seem the most unlike any other. It didn’t feel like Hyungwon had come as himself.

Hoseok sat up, letting the thick blanket pool at his groin and stared at the sight in front of him, thoughts immediately returning to where they had been before.

“You- are you sure that you haven't been seen?” he asked, swallowing once. “And- are you okay?”

There was a small smile as Hyungwon stepped closer, movements smooth but strangely controlled. It appeared that the blonde man wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do with himself yet.

“Let me answer your first question, it is easier,” he remarked and glanced to the door briefly before settling his eyes on Hoseok again. “I have commanded privacy upon the east wing, at least until the first hours of dawn to ensure you and the princess are not disturbed. It was easy to do, especially for me.”

“Oh, seems as if we moaned for nothing,” he murmured and smiled. “Don't you want to come here?”

His words returned discomfort to the young king’s facial expressions as he swallowed and glanced away.

“I do, but-” Again there was a moment of silence as Hyungwon chewed on his cheek and slowly lifted his hands. “I would like to be myself when I do that.” His reply was no more than a whisper, a brief puff of air that Hoseok guessed at merely from the way the blonde man’s plump lips parted.

The king lifted his hands and curled them around the crown carefully, removing it from his head and placing it on the small table that stood at the side, decorated in a blue color much like everything else. It seemed like a large weight was lifted from the other man’s shoulders as he released a long sigh and dipped his fingers under the seam of his shirt. It took only a few moments until the thin, black fabric was pulled over the blonde head and thrown to the ground. It did not enjoy the same careful treatment that Hyungwon blessed the crown with. The expensive jewelry followed right after.

The blonde man’s skin was shimmering in the light, reflecting back a golden hue. His long fingers stroked over his chest briefly, until they reached the waistband of his pants. Hyungwon undid the button carefully and undid the zipper. There was a little bit of blush on his round cheeks, only increasing the contrast of skin and red lips. His face wasn’t painted, it was a beautiful golden color, just the way Hoseok loved it.

Hyungwon was taking deep breaths as he slipped his pants down his long legs, pooling at his feet until he stepped out of them. He hadn’t been wearing underwear.

“I’ve never done this before, not like this,” the low voice whispered as the blonde man glanced away, blush intensifying and fingers of his right hand pulling at those of the left. Hyungwon was beyond beautiful, so dazzling that Hoseok had kept the air in his lungs, afraid to breathe, in case all of it turned into a dream.

_Maybe he was right. Maybe fate is playing with you like this._

Exhaling finally, he lifted his arms from the blanket and spread them, looking at the gorgeous blonde man from under his black bangs.

Hyungwon’s hands were shaking as he stepped closer. The beautiful man didn’t even need to be next to him for Hoseok to smell the sweet scent of coconut, like freshly after a bath. The darker strands of blonde hair that stuck together a little bit, remaining wet, only confirmed the thought.

“I needed to see you today,” Hyungwon repeated and slowly climbed up on the soft mattress. His knees sunk in a little bit despite how little he weighed and his long arms wrapped around Hoseok’s neck. Rapid exhales brushed over the shell of his ear. “I thought I couldn’t breathe.”

“I can only breathe when I'm next to you, but it seems as if they want to see me suffocate. I'm so sorry for not looking at you today, I was scared that they could see what I feel from the way I look at you,” he murmured, desperation crawling up and spreading all over his body as he relaxed in the blonde man's embrace and his low voice whispered into his ear.

“Have you...been with the princess?” Hyungwon asked quietly and rubbed his lips over Hoseok’s collarbone, like the action itself calmed him down a little. The fact that the blonde man had appeared without the sound of a door must have meant that he had waited for him all this time.

“Yeah, we moaned, I massaged her feet and then I came here. Have you been waiting for a long time?” Hoseok leaned in and started kissing along Hyungwon's beautifully golden neck. The blonde man merely shook his head, licking over his lips quickly.

“I took a bath and... thought a lot,” he murmured and only tightened his hold on Hoseok’s shoulders. It seemed like he wished to melt into him, long legs slowly moving closer until he was able to arrange them on each side of Hoseok’s hips. Another warm exhale tickled his neck as Hyungwon sat down on his lap, blanket separating their naked skin.

“I thought a lot too, about you. I- I love you, Hyungwon, I love you so much that it hurts.” He couldn't hide the desperation and the helplessness in his voice as his arms curled tighter around the slim waist, warm skin so smooth against his fingertips. He wanted to bury his head in the crook of the young king’s neck and never wake up again.

_You can't, you need to find a solution._

“Hoseok,” Hyungwon began calmly and littered his neck with kisses, beginning at his shoulder and moving up to his ear. “Today is your wedding night and… I'm not the one you are promised to but-” The blonde man swallowed audibly and his hands shook a little around Hoseok’s neck. “Would you- would you spend it with me instead? As if...as if it was me all along?”

_What?_

“What… what do you mean? You know that you can stay with me, as long as it doesn't endanger you, and Yewon is fine, she's probably sleeping.” Something about Hyungwon's tone of voice was different, as if it was hard to speak.

“I want you to engage in a complete breach of decorum for me, Hoseok, fully, as much as it is possible to breach it.” The young king shifted again, long fingers finding Hoseok’s black strands and raking through them endlessly. “I want you to treat me as if… it was me that you married.”

_But you're breaking rules all the time… unless?_

“Do- you want to sleep with me, Hyungwon?” he asked carefully, not believing his own conclusions.

There was silence apart from the sound of his own breaths and his heartbeat hammering in his ears. The seconds ticked by until there was a slow nod, round chin brushing over his naked skin. Hyungwon's body was perfectly smooth, sweet scent taking over his senses.

“Please… do with me what you are meant to do with her.”

_Oh god._

It wasn’t that Hoseok was inexperienced, not at all, he had had sex and experimented a lot, but the way Hyungwon said it, the way the king whispered in his ear, it was different. He was talking about something different.

“Do you want to be close to me like that? Like- like in the movie we watched?”

“I do,” was the reply, low voice vibrating along his skin. Hyungwon sounded sure, like he had thought about it a lot and only presented Hoseok with the conclusion. “I want to be as close as possible.”

_He wants to sleep with you, Hoseok._

He sucked in a breath before letting his hands travel over Hyungwon's naked back. His fingers traced his spine slowly, paying attention to how the smooth skin felt under his fingertips.

“I want it too, I want to be close to you so badly, Hyungwon, I want to feel all of you,” he whispered, lips immediately attaching to the delicious coconut scented skin.

“I'm glad.” Hyungwon's gorgeous plump mouth spread in a smile that he could feel. “I feared that commanding others would become a part of me. I prefer the thought of you becoming one with me.”

“I'm yours,” he whispered and sank down on the sheets, taking Hyungwon along and licking into his mouth slowly. The blonde man tasted like lemon candy and smelled like coconut, his body was warm and so extremely attractive.

“Somehow that is so much more valuable than any riches I've ever owned. I don't think there is anything I need as long as I have you, Hoseok. I mean it. I tried to imagine if there could be anything that hurt as much as being away from you and I don't think there is. Not even the scar I have hurts as much as you marrying a woman instead of me.” The king spoke quickly, kissing his lips endlessly and shifting to sit on top of his thighs. “This is the way you like it, isn't it? To feel me sitting on top of you like this.”

The blonde man's lips were parted as he inhaled and moved his hips, watching Hoseok’s expression carefully. His erection fit perfectly in between the gorgeous boy's butt cheeks, rubbing along them with every motion.

“You might be the only man on this planet who can say that he owns a king. I never wanted to be owned before, but I wish I was yours, Hoseok.”

He moaned, letting his hands slide down until he could cup Hyungwon's firm butt, squeezing it lightly and rolling his hips. It felt so good, so fucking good, he didn't want to feel anything else ever.

“I want you, I want you to be mine so badly, I know I shouldn't, but I still want you, be mine.”

“I am,” the beautiful blonde man whispered and moved his hips again, utterly fascinated by Hoseok’s response. “I am. I even followed your advice, I did everything no matter how shameful it seemed. Everything, just so you can be as close to me as you like.”

“You- you don't need to do this for me to love you, you know that, right?” he asked, before his lips parted in a moan again.

“I do, Hoseok, I do this because I want to, because I want to be as close as possible. It's what happens between two people that love each other, that is how it is done on the outside, right? Then- isn't that what we are?” Insecurity mixed back into Hyungwon's features as he chewed on his cheek and looked a little uncomfortable, shifting again. “I love you, Hoseok and I want you to make love to me.”

_You have to be specific. He doesn't really know what it means, does he?_

“Hyungwon- do you want to feel me inside you?”

“Yes, like your fingers, only- well- you.” The bright blush on the blonde boy's cheeks increased and he glanced down at Hoseok’s abdomen, brushing his fingers over it and following the dips and hollows. “It's embarrassing to talk about it, makes me want to shush you again, but then you might think I don't want it, which I do. I thought about this. I want it to be you and no one else. I don't want a queen, I only want you.”

“I want you too, Hyungwon, I want to taste you so badly,” he moaned again and turned them by grabbing the other man's narrow hips. Hovering over the gorgeous blonde man, Hoseok stared, unable to look away. “I have never, not even once, wanted something so much that it made me go completely crazy.”

“You seem pretty aware to me,” the young king murmured and leaned in, catching his bottom lip between his teeth, pulling a little as he gasped, eyes wide and focused on him. “It isn’t as good as when you do it, barely comparable, a poor excuse.”

“What isn’t as good?” he asked, lifting his index finger, before closing his lips around it. Sucking on it, he pulled it out and rubbed the wet digit over Hyungwon’s small nipple.

The beautiful blonde man moaned, quiet but not as restrained as he usually would have been. His lips remained parted as he licked over them quickly before replying.

“What you told me about, the- the preparation,” he muttered and blushed some more, blinking more frequently than usual.

“Ah.” Hoseok smiled and licked over his lips. “That’s because you need to find the spot. I’ll find it for you,” he commented before leaning in and closing his lips around the other nipple, dark and erect, fitting so well with the golden skin of Hyungwon’s body. He continued his ministrations, kissing the lean stomach and circling his tongue around the other man’s pretty navel.

“There is a spot? I thought it just happens with time if- I don’t know, if you move enough.” The young king shifted a little below him, shivers passing along his legs at the pleasure that must have developed at each point of contact and moved down. “I merely did as much of it as you considered necessary last time. I wanted to be...clean. As clean as possible.”

Licking over his swollen lips, he looked up at the ice-blue eyes from under his black bangs.

“I want to taste you with my tongue,” he whispered, waiting for a reaction.

The blonde man’s eyes widened a little, disappearing behind his eyelids a few times until he swallowed and nodded. Hoseok really wanted the beautiful man to sit on his face, but he left it for the next time, in case they had the opportunity.

Nodding briefly, he crawled back and curled his fingers around Hyungwon’s lean thighs, lifting his lower body in the air, before stuffing a big, blue pillow under it.

“You can put your legs on my shoulders, if you like,” he muttered, licking his lips in anticipation and watching how the blonde boy’s length twitched at the sight. There were a few shivers that passed along Hyungwon’s long legs as he lifted them up, visibly embarrassed by showing himself like that, exposed. He avoided spreading them while curling his fingers into the white sheets, holding on like he expected to need the grip.

“It’s a little...compromising,” he whispered and lifted his right leg, placing it on top of Hoseok’s shoulder. “How can you be so bold? It makes you seem so strong, Hoseok, like an impenetrable wall.”

“If you think about it, there’s nothing bold about the human body and you simply have a body that I really, really like. You’re so fucking attractive,” he murmured, spreading the long legs and lifting Hyungwon’s lower body in the air, blowing air against his entrance. He smelled like flowery coconut, it was crazy. “Oh god, you’re delicious.”

“I- H-Hoseok-” the young king stuttered but gave up right after, muscles in his abdomen and his legs contracting and loud hiss leaving his lips. It must have felt good, good enough to rub his silky blonde hair over the sheets and mess it up. “Attraction is so-” a gasp, “scary. It... erases every coherent- thought.”

“It does. I want to erase everything around you, until nothing is left besides me,” he whispered and licked a stripe before blowing air again and watching it contract at his touch. Grabbing the slim hips with both hands, he intensified his efforts, before finally pushing his tongue into the other man’s tight body.

Hyungwon moaned, sound beautiful and low as it left his lips and remained in the air for a little longer, almost like Hoseok had simply imagined it. It didn’t fit into the context of his bedroom in the palace, the place where he had to remain as quiet as possible, terrified of being found out.

“Again,” was the immediate reply as the blonde man contracted his legs and attempted to pull him closer, fisting the sheets.

_He likes it, thank god._

Sucking in a breath, he picked up the pace, holding the king’s hips in an iron grip and loving the hot tightness and the contractions around his tongue. It seemed like a fever dream, a situation that couldn’t have occurred in reality. Hyungwon was in his bed, eyes fluttering shut repeatedly and asking him to continue while pulling at the perfectly white sheets and erection twitching repeatedly.

He got impatient, reaching for his bottom drawer and getting the lube and a condom. He left the package lying on the side and covered his fingers sufficiently, before slipping two into the hot tightness of the gorgeous man’s body. His lips immediately closed around the tip of Hyungwon’s hard length, sucking a little, but not too much as he had found the spot in the meantime, rubbing over it.

Hyungwon moaned again, this time louder as his whole body convulsed at the pleasure, mouth remaining open and eyes closed.

“Oh my god, so different,” he hissed before Hoseok followed it up with another motion and the gorgeous blonde boy pushed his hips towards the motion. “Shit.”

“Tell me when you want another one,” he murmured before taking the blonde boy’s length back into his mouth. His fingers moved with a little more force as Hyungwon seemed to like it. Hoseok wanted to make him feel good so badly.

_It’s the least that you can do._

“How the hell am I supposed to know when I want more? Oh god-” Hyungwon muttered and shook his head quickly, it resembled disbelief. “Shit, this feels good- like... my whole lower body is on fire, Hoseok.” The blonde man looked breathtaking on the sheets, ice-blue eyes emphasizing the contrast with his golden skin and light hair melting beautifully into the sheets, rubbing over one of Hoseok’s pillows without mercy. He could feel the young king’s heels digging into his back, like he wished to feel more.

He lifted his head a little, letting Hyungwon’s erection slip out of his mouth and watched the mesmerizing man carefully while adding a third finger. Hoseok stopped stimulating him to make sure he was aroused enough and not oversensitive.

He could see how the other man rose on his elbows, still breathing harshly with a few loud gasps in between. His ice-blue eyes followed the motions of Hoseok’s hand, observing in awe as his lips parted whenever he hit dead on.

“Oh god,” he muttered, eyes fluttering shut and hips stuttering in the attempt to push further into the movement. “It’s...strange but also- so good, shit.”

“My brain tells me to jump you,” Hoseok muttered in reply, trying to breathe steadily and to not fuck the gorgeous blonde man as his body shivered and his dick twitched every few seconds, it was a mess.

There was a sudden chuckle that was interrupted by another moan as Hyungwon gave up holding himself on his elbows, simply falling to the sheets and spreading his legs further apart to ease the movement of Hoseok’s hand.

_Gorgeous._

“J-jump me?” he gasped and smiled a little, eyes closing in pleasure. “You’ll just squish me.”

“By jumping I meant fucking, sorry for my choice of words, I can’t handle you being so sexy sexiness, your royal tightness.” He had no idea where the bad humor suddenly came from, probably the fact that his brain had been fried from the shit his parents were planning and his senses overwhelmed by Hyungwon being the epitome of arousal and desire while he hadn’t been touched properly since forever.

“You...want me?” Hyungwon’s perfect white teeth settled on his bottom lip as he stared at Hoseok from below his blonde bangs, sticking to his forehead from the small drops of sweat that developed the longer he succumbed to pleasure. “Why aren’t you acting on it then, dear prince consort?”

Removing his fingers carefully, he grabbed the condom and ripped the package open using his teeth. It took him three whole seconds to roll it over his thick erection and another two to lube up. The long legs on his shoulders made it easy as he pressed his tip against Hyungwon’s entrance, staring into the gorgeous ice-blue eyes as heavy breaths left his lungs frequently.

“Oh my god,” Hyungwon muttered without a sound, only his lips were moving as he watched Hoseok without blinking. He must have been a little overwhelmed by what was about to happen, mind only slowly catching up with how close they were going to be. “I’m...I’m yours.”

“And I’m yours, Hyungwon,” he whispered, hands reaching for the golden skin and fingers stroking along the lean muscles of the other man’s chest and stomach while he pushed with a little more pressure.

Hyungwon tensed slightly at the intrusion, muscles contracting and squeezing his tip almost painfully. The blonde man sucked his lips into his mouth with a hiss. It must have been a little uncomfortable.

“It’s a lot to take, you have to give me signs whether I can move further.” He swallowed at the crazy tightness but kept his gaze on Hyungwon’s dazzling face. He was so beautiful, so incredibly beautiful and god- Hoseok loved him so fucking much, it was crazy. Everything felt crazy if it was with him.

There was a brief nod as Hyungwon inhaled through his nose and exhaled through his mouth after keeping the air in his lungs for a while. He visibly attempted to relax, muscles in his thighs contracting and loosening repeatedly. Rubbing his hair over the pillow, the blonde man finally gestured for him to move, stroking over his thigh once.

Hoseok pushed further, bridging quite some distance while curling his fingers around Hyungwon’s erection and stroking it gently to make the slide less uncomfortable.

A beautiful moan left the red lips and he could instantly feel less resistance, moving almost all the way in as the young king’s eyes widened.

“Oh my god, I’ve never felt like this before,” the blonde man muttered and shifted a little, squeezing Hoseok like crazy. “It’s so...full, almost like I need to visit the bathroom but- nice somehow.”

“You- you need to adjust a little and then- then I will show you the fun part,” he hissed, exhaling roughly at the incredible tightness and the desire to move.

“How...do I adjust?” Hyungwon licked over his lips and reached out to caress Hoseok’s thighs, almost like he was calming him down instead of himself. “I love the expression on your face. It’s...very raw and- how I imagine someone to look who has seen heaven, something wonderful. I’m happy that it is me making you feel this way.”

“I- it's just- sex never felt like this before,” he whispered, completely overwhelmed and leaned in to kiss Hyungwon's gorgeous, swollen lips, bending him in half and sliding all the way in.

“What did it feel like? What does it feel like now?” Hyungwon asked as his breaths got more frequent, thighs shivering and hands grasping the sheets tightly. His body bent in half easily, almost like he was used to it, barely straining the muscles. “I am mesmerized by the thought that we are as close as possible, almost connected without a bond through rings.”

_The rings are meaningless._

“Well, there was pleasure, there always is, but it has never felt intense like this, like I need to feel your skin, your hands on my body, marking my skin, like I'm drowning. I'm drowning in you, Hyungwon.” He moved minimally again, paying attention to Hyungwon's expression.

The beautiful man let his hands travel along Hoseok’s arms until his fingers reached his back, massaging and scratching over it lightly.

“You want to feel my hands on your body?” Hyungwon asked and kept exploring his skin, accompanied by soft kisses and shaky exhales that brushed his cheeks. The other man’s pink tongue licked over his chin and mouth, parting his lips. “Move. I want to see you feel pleasure.”

He leaned back and lifted the other man's lower body a little higher. Moving his lower body back carefully and rolling his hips in a sensual movement, he moaned at the overwhelming feeling of the hot tightness combined with the thought that he was close to someone he loved for the first time in his life.

Hyungwon’s lips parted in wonder as he watched him, not even daring to blink as he took in the sight and brushed over Hoseok’s skin, drawing patterns and holding on tightly when he thrust back inside of him.

“You are gorgeous, Hoseok. I love the sounds you make, I hear them so rarely. They are simply breathtaking. Nothing ever does you justice, none of my comparisons apply. I cannot describe you.”

“You are- I can't breathe because of all the feelings I have for you, fuck,” he was losing his fucking mind, but the problem was that Hyungwon wasn't.

_Maybe you're not doing it right?_

Spreading his legs, he positioned himself lower and rolled his hips once again. It was fascinating to see how the affection that was obvious in all of the other man's features suddenly disappeared to make room for an open-mouthed moan and wide eyes, staring at him in disbelief.

“Hoseok- you- what,” Hyungwon muttered helplessly as his erection returned, twitching against Hoseok’s thigh and his big hands dug into the muscles of his shoulders.

Realizing that it must've been it, he repeated the motion, moaning at the friction and loving the contractions, indicating that he must've hit pretty well.

“Do you like it?” he asked under his breath.

“Oh my god, just- I can't think if you move, how- am I supposed to watch you?” Hyungwon moaned helplessly and threw his head back, mouth opened and legs spreading further to ease the slide. It must have felt really good with how the blonde man's whole body trembled and he gasped in between low groans. “I like it, I like it so much, shit.”

“You're not supposed to watch me, you're supposed to moan in that dazzling low voice of yours, fuck, you feel like heaven,” Hoseok groaned and moved back, thrusting into Hyungwon's slim body with a little more force.

“Shit, oh no, no, no, I'll be too loud, I'll lose it, Hoseok, oh my god,” the gorgeous blonde man murmured helplessly, repeating the curses until Hoseok thrust right back into him and he screamed, scratching over his thighs a little, legs trembling. Hyungwon was so beautiful when he felt pleasure, blush travelling down his neck to his chest and lips a blood red color.

“Shh, just kiss me and bite me,” he whispered, leaning in and catching a moan that followed after a sensual roll of his hips. The man in his arms was melting at the pleasure, easily meeting his thrusts and screaming into his mouth with each well aimed one. Hyungwon's body was on fire, pulling him deeper and squeezing him just right, enough to strain his endurance. The blonde man kept babbling, cursing incoherently and moaning his name until he suddenly begged for more.

“Please, Hoseok, please, I want you so much.”

_You can make him feel even better than this._

Placing another kiss on Hyungwon's pretty lips, he pulled out carefully.

“Lie down on your stomach,” he whispered, brushing a sweaty blonde strand from the beautiful man's forehead.

Hyungwon was panting nonstop, staring at him with an open mouth and wide eyes. He seemed a little dizzy when he blinked a few times and slowly lifted up on his elbows, turning around after removing his legs from Hoseok’s shoulders. Once his slim body touched the sheets again, he buried his head in the pillow and exhaled loudly.

Placing one hand next to the blonde head, Hoseok curled his fingers around the base of his erection, pushing himself into Hyungwon's tight body slowly until his hipbones touched the other man's firm butt cheeks.

“I will make you forget everything around you,” he whispered, before pulling out almost completely and rolling his hips into the blonde boy, lying under him.

Hyungwon screamed, sound muffled by the pillow that he buried his face in. Hoseok could feel perfectly how the other man’s whole body shivered at the pleasure that must have passed through him, tingling along his long legs.

“Hoseok-” he gasped, only to bite down on his bottom lip and release a beautiful sound, resembling a whimper.

Easing down on top of the king’s body, he sunk his teeth into the soft flesh of Hyungwon's shoulder, alternating rough and sensual movements of his hips and moaning at the intense feeling.

“I'm losing my mind. You make me lose my mind, Hyungwon.”

_This is so different, so fucking different._

 

***

 

It was unfair, an occurrence that should not have happened in a society that promoted freedom and self-expression. Hyungwon shouldn’t have been the one watching the man he was in love with marry his sister while wishing both of them well. It was wrong, immoral.

_Because he is yours._

He had thought about it a lot, the desire to be close to the black-haired man, to give him something that no one else had, to allow him to become part of him, to touch him and gift him with pleasure. He wanted to be the one that Hoseok loved that night, only him.

_You are greedy, Hyungwon, the crown is getting to your head._

It might have been, but once both the crown and his clothes were removed and he could melt in the black-haired man’s strong arms, he felt so much better, so much calmer. Hoseok had that ability, to make him shed his responsibilities and forget about them, to only listen to their synchronized heartbeats and gasp his name.

The arousal and pleasure were almost unbearable, burning along his veins and setting him on fire as a whole. His hands were buried in the soft sheets and his throat continuously released unrestrained sounds of pleasure, showing the other man how much he loved to be close, how overwhelming being filled out was for him. He had never imagined sex to be like this, like a wrecking ball of pleasure and emotions that threw him off his feet and filled his chest with warmth.

_It’s because you love him, you love him more than anybody else on this planet._

Hoseok’s low voice sounded strained, beautiful in how low and affected it was. He was telling him that he was the reason for him losing his mind, the reason for the emotions that threatened to spill.

“It’s okay- if it’s with me,” he moaned and rubbed his head further into the sheets, body convulsing around Hoseok repeatedly. He was overwhelmed by the pleasure, responding intensely and without any proper friction against his groin. He couldn’t contain it at all, not with the way his vision blurred. “I feel like I’m on fire, burning and unable to think- Hoseok- please.”

“I want you to come for me, Hyungwon,” the low voice whispered and grabbed his hips, lifting his lower body in the air and curling the strong fingers around his twitching arousal.

Loud moans and unrestrained screams left his lips with each thrust. His long fingers dug into the sheets, fisting and pulling at them endlessly. He felt so close to the edge, legs shivering and pleasure increasing with every additional movement. A few seconds were sufficient for his whole body to tense, convulsing around Hoseok and pulling him deeper as Hyungwon released himself in the other man’s hand. Breathing heavily, he turned limp, falling to the sheets as he attempted to return his awareness by blinking repeatedly.

Hoseok continued his movements until his whole body tensed. The other man's thick erection twitched inside of Hyungwon before he finally relaxed, loud groan echoing off the bedchamber walls.

_It sounds gorgeous._

Collapsing on top of him, the black-haired man exhaled loudly against his shoulder, careful to not squeeze him too much. It felt crazy, like climbing out of the window with his eyes closed. It wasn't only the fact that he had decided to go against proper conduct completely, but that it was forbidden, that he was not allowed to feel this way about another man, to love the prince consort and to be with him because of his own position as the king.

_It’s unfair._

“I feel like I’ve been missing out, I could have been so close to you all this time. I could have basked in the sensation of you lying on top of me like this while your harsh breaths tickle my shoulder. I feel like I have been cheated of all this, why can’t I have you next to me like this? Who decides whether it is right or wrong? I’m so tired, it can’t be wrong if it feels this way.” Hyungwon spoke quickly and shifted to be able to brush over Hoseok’s hair in smooth motions, voice low and rough from screaming. “Why can’t I be with you instead? Why are you someone else’s?”

“I'm not someone else's, I'm yours. I don't care about anything else. I wish we could run away from here,” Hoseok whispered, burying his face in his shoulder and attaching his lips to his wet skin.

“I can't, I'm the king. Wouldn't I be giving up? Letting your parents take over and turn the whole country into a weapon production ground? I can't let that happen.” He shifted and whimpered at the motion, overly sensitive. “This… feels a little weird,” he muttered and gestured at the way Hoseok was still mostly inside his slim body.

“Oh, sorry, I got carried away,” Hoseok murmured before moving back and slipping out of him. There was shuffling and he felt the other man wipe over his behind and thighs in addition to the sheets and his stomach, before letting himself fall on the blanket next to him. It was embarrassing and Hyungwon couldn't resist the urge to hide his face. How others managed to be calm about being so close to another person was still a mystery to him. He couldn't believe that he really carried through and slept with Hoseok even though he was only meant to do that after his own wedding, with a woman.

_You're never going to marry, Hyungwon. You know that._

“My parents need me to make this country into a controlled, corrupted weapon production ground. It was probably the only reason I was born.”

“You were born because every decent noble family need offspring. This is precisely the reason why I have only a few years until they will begin to pressure me to marry and find a queen. But I won't give a single shit.” Hyungwon sighed loudly and pulled his legs up a little, uncomfortable from the light throbbing in his behind. It didn't really hurt but it seemed like the muscles were tired of working, complaining a little.

_What did you just say?_

Only when he reflected on his past words did the curse become obvious. He covered his lips with his palm quickly, shocked at his own slip of self-control.

“I wish I could take all the pressure from your shoulders and give you freedom instead,” Hoseok whispered, crawling closer and reaching out to stroke over his neck and face hesitantly. It felt so affectionate, like the black-haired man yearned to show how much he cared through his words alone.

“You don't have to, it's what I was born to do,” Hyungwon replied. It was almost ironic how true it was. When it was announced that the royal family had finally conceived a boy everybody knew what it meant. Hyungwon’s awareness that he was to become king was one of his first childhood memories. “Now you really are the prince consort, Hoseok. Your title will change. You are a prince now, part of the royal family.”

“The only thing you are born to do, is to live. Everything else is bullshit. And I don't want to be part of the royal family.” The black-haired man looked troubled as he kept coming closer, until he felt Hoseok's muscular thigh slip in between his own.

It felt nice and warm, so Hyungwon made sure to curl his arms around the gorgeous pale neck.

“But this way you're closer to me, this legitimizes our friendship. I will be able to meet you more often, to take you along if I wish. Even though it makes you my sister's husband it also makes it possible for you to be my best friend, my right hand, my trusted person.” Hyungwon inhaled slowly, enjoying the muskiness of the other man's scent even if he preferred sweetness. “You can be mine, even if not officially.”

“I don't think that is possible, nobody can know what I feel for you, not even if it's under the pretense that we're friends. They'll find out and they'll hurt you.” The black-haired man buried his head in the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply, keeping the air in his lungs. “Just act as if you don't like me, don't need me and as if I'm not there.”

“But- why, Hoseok? Why can't I enjoy being close to you? I can lie, I can manipulate, I can pretend to be unaffected. It's what I've been taught since childhood. Not many are as versed in convincing and proving my point as I am, I don't want to stay away from you. I want to be able to feel this close to you, even if-” He paused and swallowed, aware of the consequences that would follow. “Even if I'm neither meant to or allowed to.”

“Because they want you gone and I'm your weakness and your enemy at the same time. I want to be close to you too, every second that I'm awake, I can't think about anything else but you. But I can't endanger you. It would be easier if I didn't exit but I can't take poison and die either, because I have no idea what they might do to you then,” Hoseok whispered while his body was shaking a little, arms wrapping around his waist instantly and sharp exhale leaving the other man's mouth.

_Gone?_

Hyungwon struggled to comprehend what the black-haired man was trying to tell him. How could the count wish for him to be gone? Without a monarch the system would crumble, especially so quickly after the death of his father. It was the reason why Hyungwon had been protected so much, to make sure that no fight over the successor occurred.

“What do you mean by they want me ‘gone’? I don't understand, Hoseok. There would only be imbalance without a monarch.” He swallowed in discomfort at the thought and tightened his embrace. Something was off, almost like Hoseok believed it to be his fault.

_Gone. You know exactly what ‘gone’ means._

His eyes widened and the air got stuck in his throat. He stayed like that for a few painful seconds until it switched to rapid breaths, vision blurring a little as he hyperventilated.

“Do they- do they want to kill me, Hoseok?”

“I can't tell. But they might, if I tell them that I have no intentions of replacing you.” Hoseok leaned back and stared at him, tears collecting in the ocean-blue eyes.

“R- replacing me?”

The fear only increased, heart beating furiously and hands shaking around the other man's pale skin. It was so sudden, so unexpected, like a bomb that had been thrown from an invisible plane and destroyed everything around him, every carefully decided and built up structure. It was only him and the pathetic remains.

_Of course, you're so stupid._

Hyungwon couldn't believe how blind he had been, how he had overlooked the obvious sequence of events. Hoseok was promised to the princess, raising his status to prince and part of the royal family. Upon entry to the palace he had the possibility to get close, to push decisions over friendships, but that hadn't worked as planned. Now Hyungwon was king and they pushed him to be part of the advisors’ board, something that was actually forbidden for the prince consort because of conflicts concerning political influence. All of it made perfect sense, a straight and clear plan. There was only one problem.

_You, you need to be gone._

“They want to kill me,” Hyungwon whispered, realization less painful that he had expected. It felt more like resignation, like he wished to sink into the soft sheets and forget about everything, about his responsibilities and about what was expected of him.

_A real king never abandons the throne._

It felt strange to have his father's voice in his head again, reminding him even after his death. Even his father wouldn't have known what to do about it, how to keep him safe.

_Not when the danger comes from the inside._

“So that's the plan, they want to kill me because you will be the only eligible male, the only male part of the royal family, old enough and appropriate to take the throne.”

“I would've taken the stupid pills after they told me, but I'm scared that they might do something to you, even when I'm gone. I have to find a solution, currently every advisor is on my parents’ side, you have to go out, Hyungwon. The scary people are all in here, believe me. God- I wish I wasn't born at all.” The first tear rolled down the pale cheek as Hoseok kept holding onto him tightly.

“That's wrong, if you hadn't been born, I would have been a stupid, self-focused child that is unaware of what's happening around him. I would have never been able to do this without you, Hoseok, none of this. So, don't you dare hurt me by wishing for your own death. I will never forgive you if you hurt yourself, never.” Hyungwon's eyes burned at the sight, at the thought that he might lose the black-haired man simply because he believed his death to be a solution. “Don't you dare be a coward and leave me.”

“I don't know what to do, I don't want to leave you, but I don't want to be the reason for you getting hurt, do you understand me? I can't handle this. I'm not even good at fighting anyone properly, I can only criticize the system while sitting on a fancy chair, wearing a white button down and drowning in expensive sadness. Fuck.” Hoseok leaned forward and connected their lips, licking into his mouth desperately.

Hyungwon kissed back, raking through the soft, black strands in an attempt to calm the other man, to overcome the desperation that both of them were drowning in. He had to be strong now, to show him that they could do this.

“I need to gain popularity, admiration. I need to make the people see that I wish to make a change in their favor, without losing any of my strength and power that they enjoy. It gives them a feeling of safety. I think-” He swallowed at the sudden thought that materialized and scared him a little. “I think I need to leave the palace.”

Hyungwon inhaled again, covering Hoseok’s beautiful face with small kisses until he cupped it and locked their gazes.

“We can do this, Hoseok, you and me. We are smart, we are the two people that managed to sneak out of the palace three times and even took the princess along. If anybody can do this, then it's us. You hear me? It'll be fine, we'll figure this out, together.” Smiling a little Hyungwon rubbed his plump lips over the other man's curved ones. “Trust me.”

“I want you to know that I would do anything for you, but at the same time I need to act like I wouldn’t. I need to support my parents in front of the advisors, so that they don't spy on me. I have an idea already, please don't get discouraged by this, I think your idea is amazing. You should definitely go out. Lucy will help you!” Littering his face with kisses, Hoseok kept whispering against his skin until he moved back and caught his gaze. “I love you, I feel more than I have ever felt for anyone before. You're the only one for me.”

Hyungwon swallowed, smiling at the words and the warmth that spread through his chest. He wanted to oppose, to tell Hoseok that he needed him next to him, that he wanted the black-haired man to be with him when he left the palace officially for the first time. But he wasn't a child, not anymore. There were things that he was forced to do on his own and the knowledge that Hoseok would be his as soon as the lights turned off and everyone else left had to be enough.

_You love him, Hyungwon, and that is the one thing you need to keep._

 

_

 

The silk shirt was loose on his slim frame, not the way royal clothing was usually worn. The black pants he had chosen were purposefully tailored for him over the past week because the wardrobe of a king simply did not include such items. Hyungwon loved it, he loved how different it was and how his servants swallowed nervously as he slipped into his black leather boots and tied the laces all the way up to the middle of his calves by himself. It felt good, like he had a sense of control over his own attire and the way it made him look.

Hoseok wasn't there to confirm it, but he felt like he looked good, perfect for the outside and not too old-fashioned. He wasn't a forty-year-old king in the throne hall to be dressed in the emblem of the kingdom and a gigantic robe. That thing wasn't even suited for his build, he drowned in it.

_You are going to the university and you have to fit in, they need to be positively surprised. Young people are the first step._

Hyungwon smiled at his own reflection. It felt strange to be looking at himself without the usual changes to his appearance, namely the masses of jewelry and the painted face. Only his hair was just the way it was meant to be, orderly and soft blonde locks partially covering his forehead. It made him look a little older, at least not as if he was fourteen anymore.

_Your face is just too soft for a strict leader._

The red of his lips was more in keeping with the natural tone of his face, it was surprising how extreme the contrast had been before. Extreme enough to have to conceal some of the color of his mouth.

“Your majesty, it is… so unusual to see you in such attire,” Mary commented, eyes wide and hands constantly showing the urge to reach out and correct something about the way he looked. It was highly amusing.

“I am seeing university students today, I wish to create an accurate impression of the reigning monarch instead of one that was constructed for the king of this country, dear Mary,” he answered with a smile and put earrings into his ears, a little sign of his status just like the necklace around his neck. His hair would have to be enough of an indicator of who he was, paired with the ice-blue eyes.

There was some childish excitement about the idea of just sitting down next to somebody without them knowing he was the king. But it was a little unrealistic, his guards would never allow him to be that reckless.

_Even though the palace is more of a threat to you than the outside is._

One last glance into the late king's mirror and Hyungwon was on his way, leaving the staring servants behind and giving his guards a polite nod before they fell into place at his sides like shadows.

Only when he reached the palace doors that led to the big entry plaza did he remember that it was according to protocol to see the king off when he went to big official events.

_So you'll see him before you go._

He contained the smile that threatened to escape his lips, successfully ignoring the collective gasps and suppressed shock that his servants showed at the sight of his face.

_Most of them didn't know, they are seeing the real color of your skin for the first time._

Hyungwon would be lying had he said that he wasn't afraid. He was, terrified of how people would react. Everyone knew that pale skin was a sign of nobility and the royal family, as were the blue eyes and the platinum blonde hair. Showing his real skin tone was like revealing his weakness, opening the possibility of doubt about his heritage and his suitability for the throne. It was more than being afraid, it was horrifying.

But Hyungwon was a superb actor, playing it off with confidence and the impression that he knew what he was doing. He didn't, not at all, but there was nobody who could see through him, not even his own sister.

Yewon was standing at the edge of the stairs, eyes wide at the sight of Hyungwon's face, almost like she had never seen it herself. It felt uncomfortable to see her hand rest calmly in Hoseok’s. The two of them must have come together, playing the couple in love that they were meant to be, pretending to be affectionate. It was almost ironic considering that Hyungwon had been the one that the black-haired man loved on his wedding night, brushing through his hair and moaning his name, hands roaming all over his body.

_Not now._

Hyungwon forced himself to neutralize his facial expression as he finally allowed himself to meet those ocean-blue eyes, instantly awakening the yearning that he felt towards the gorgeous man.

“It is a pleasure to have both of you see me off,” he remarked and nodded briefly, holding eye contact while he waited for a response. Old habits die hard, especially now that he was expected to never back down.

“I am worried about your decision to go outside, your majesty, but I wish you a successful trip,” Hoseok commented, bowing once before he was met with the familiar intense gaze. The other man's lips moved a bit and he could recognize the mouthed words, ‘You can do it’. Hoseok wanted to let him know that he supported him.

Hyungwon wished he could mouth back, but all eyes were on him. In addition, his mouthing skills were still questionable. Not too long-ago Lucy had asked him whether he attempted to pout with those plump lips of his in order to intimidate everybody else.

“I appreciate your concern, but I hope you are aware that I am perfectly capable of making sophisticated decisions, prince consort,” he replied instead, playing his role perfectly. Yewon seemed surprised as she lifted her head and stared at Hoseok quickly before returning her blue eyes to Hyungwon.

“Please take care, your majesty,” she said quickly like she hoped to stop their conversation and the little bit of hostility that was present.

Hyungwon merely smiled at her as he climbed into one of the black cars. There were several to keep it a secret which one he was seated in. It was almost laughable how safe Hyungwon felt leaving the glass walls, the exact opposite of what he had believed as a child.

His heart was hammering in his chest and causing his hands to shake a little as they passed the big gates that he used to climb over to escape. It was the first time that he was leaving without breaking palace rules. It felt so freeing, like wind was blowing through his blonde hair and rushing in his ears like waves. Hyungwon had never seen real waves but he believed them to sound just like the melody of a shell that had been given to him by the queen once.

The forest made way for buildings and bridges, crossing over the large river and entering the inner city. It was familiar but also so new to see it by day, to watch people walk along the streets with their dogs, eating out with friends, drinking lemonade and coffee in small cafes. It was beautiful and Hyungwon wanted to be part of it all.

The four black cars turned into a busy street, filled with young people that laughed and gestured wildly, slapping their friend's or lover's butt and making their way towards the university gates. It felt like a whole different world, one that Hyungwon was finally able to be a part of.

_At least for a few hours._

As they drove through the gates and in front of a mass of reporters, ready to photograph Hyungwon, his eyes desperately searched for a familiar face in the crowd until he finally saw Lucy. The beautiful girl was standing on the stairs and looked excited, bright smile spreading her puffy cheeks. Her attire wasn't as formal as it had been during her visit to the palace. It calmed Hyungwon down because it meant that he wouldn't be underdressed either.

A hush surrounded him when the car finally stopped and a few guards got out and stepped in front of his door to open it. This was it, this was the moment when everybody would take countless pictures of his face, his real skin tone and spread it all over the country, talking about nothing else.

_This is what you wanted, you wanted to be honest._

Inhaling sharply, he gave the driver a sign, followed by a few seconds delay and the car door opening. It was bright, blinding even with the instant sound of camera shutters clicking without a break and the constant flashes making him incapable of seeing who he was dealing with. He smiled, brightly to make sure the impression was positive. It was his first appearance as the king apart from the coronation which happened in the palace.

He waited a few moments, spoke about how glad he was to be part of the university's anniversary, especially since he was attending it himself as a freshman. That obviously resulted in curiosity as not even a second passed before he was bombarded with questions. Luckily it wasn't the first time he had faced such a barrage of questions, so Hyungwon answered the appropriate ones and smiled again, making his way towards Lucy who was smiling brightly. She looked so proud and Hyungwon barely contained the urge to squish her between his lean arms.

“It is a pleasure to see you, Miss Davis,” he commented and reached out to take her hand as a sign of appreciation. From the corner of his eye he saw one of the guard's eyes widen and somehow Hyungwon considered that a personal achievement. Those guys never responded to anything.

“I'm so happy to welcome you, your majesty, it was hard to see you while I was working in the palace. I hope that you will like the performances and have fun attending one of the lectures I've picked.” Lucy smiled nonstop, it didn't look forced, not at all, she was being honest, squeezing his hand a little due to her excitement.

Hyungwon couldn't help the thought that she would probably look better in the official pictures, smiling like the sunshine itself.

“Thank you for the effort and I hope you intend on joining me throughout the day. I have specifically asked for you to be my guide.” Hyungwon smiled back, cheeks lifting up in that way he disliked because it made him look like a three-year-old. “Is my attire appropriate for university?”

He asked the last question quietly, suppressing a grin.

“You look hot,” the girl replied just as quietly, grinning and pointing at the decorated entrance. “Let's go, your majesty.”

Hyungwon suppressed his excitement perfectly, heart beating quickly but only the increased color on his cheeks showed that he wasn't perfectly composed. The gates were big but not like those of the palace. A lot of students were staring at them, obviously curious to see who was their king.

_A guy like them, just probably even younger._

“I really like your face without makeup, makes you so much more likable somehow. You know, I did quite some persuading, telling the guys that you're a nice person and not like what they think a king is at all, they- I also told them to vote for the issues they wanted to talk about, so I will be presenting them to you, because they still fear the consequences of telling the king about the problems we are having here. I hope you're okay with that, I thought you should know,” Lucy whispered as they walked along the hallways while the young people watched him and greeted Lucy warmly.

Hyungwon could tell they were a little intimidated by the knowledge that he was the king, unsure how to treat him.

_Is that what Hoseok meant by constantly having to use the title? It is tiring and only creates distance._

“I am more than okay with that, Lucy, I'm grateful, immensely grateful,” he replied and felt strange to be next to a lot of unfamiliar people that knew who he was. It was the first time. Eyes didn't leave him, not even when he finally followed Lucy into a big hall. It was filled with small chairs that could be folded up, arranged in long rows. A more detailed glance revealed tables that were equally convertible. Hyungwon really hoped that he wouldn't embarrass himself using them.

Lucy appeared to be liked by her fellow students despite her skin color, like all of the young people didn't care, accepting her the way she was. It was beautiful and Hyungwon would have been content just sitting down on the wooden chair at the front and watching her announce the topic of the lecture and who was about to talk. It was exciting and Hyungwon really hoped she would sit next to him throughout. For moral support.

He missed Hoseok.

The lecture was about international politics, how foreign countries implemented different kinds of voting systems to elect the parliament and leaders who were democratically chosen, and not given the right through birth. It was fascinating. Hyungwon had been aware of being one of the few remaining monarchs in the world, but none of the other systems have ever been presented in such detail to him, perfectly comprehensible and with benefits for the people. Decision making was much slower but there were no emergency situations that required fast decisions.

_Unlike what the count wants the people to believe._

They were not at war, so there was no need to limit the time for a decision as long as it represented the majority of the population. Having individuals that spoke for different groups of people sounded almost utopian. It would have given everybody a voice, even Lucy.

“May I ask what are the criteria to establish democratic voting? What happened in countries that currently use such a political system to enable its establishment?” he asked, instantly pulling the attention on him as every student in the hall suddenly seemed much more interested and stared at him. It must have been strange to see the king ask about the abolition of the monarchy.

“The criteria are to have a constitution that enables democratic voting and the election of a parliament. Right now, in our country, the constitution is the royal law established by the king and the advisors board,” the female professor replied, watching him intently. She skipped his title, but Hyungwon liked that somehow, like she was treating him equally and not as someone who was prejudiced against her words.

“How did the switch occur, was it due to the death of the last monarch, a new law, petitions by the people?” Hyungwon stared back, keeping his back straight and his expressions genuine. He had no hidden agenda, he just wanted to know, to understand what happened to allow such a radical change in decision making.

“Mostly war, but also decisions due to a change of the leader in charge. Petitions aren't really part of a non-democratic society, but they are good tools, just like surveys, to check on the nation's sentiment. Defining the constitution and making the laws are integral parts of the change.” There was shuffling as the students next to him kept staring at him in disbelief.

“That is fascinating, thank you for the detailed response, professor.” Hyungwon smiled and leaned back on his wooden chair, still perfectly aware of the eyes on him. He wanted to squeeze Lucy's hand but it would have been too obvious. He had never been next to such a mass of people, not even when the media was allowed into the palace.

The professor’s response made him wonder about the usefulness of petitions. There had always been the possibility to submit a petition to the king with over 200 signatures with one's real name. But it suddenly made sense that the option was used rarely.

_They were afraid of consequences, everybody would know._

But an anonymous survey sounded perfect. If Hyungwon needed to win the people for himself he needed to know what they desired first, what their concerns were. He needed to develop a survey to find out exactly that, preferably one that split according to minorities to find out differences in desires and concerns.

“May I ask one last question, professor?”

“You can ask as many questions as you like, Mr. Chae, that's what we are here for,” the black-haired woman replied and smiled at him, nodding briefly.

Hyungwon was a little thrown off for a second, not used to people using his last name. Not even once had he heard anybody using it. However, he caught himself quickly and smiled back, leaning forward on his chair.

“Do you happen to know any experts on the development of surveys? If that is the case, I would love for you to contact me after this event, professor.”

“I sure do, we have amazing people teaching and researching in this university. I will be more than glad to arrange for you meet a few of them. I bet that Lucy can help you too, as she is studying mathematics and statistics. Thank you for your interest.” A warm smile followed before the professor answered a few more questions and ended the lecture.

Hyungwon's mind seemed to be moving faster than he was, ideas quickly mixing in his head and creating a course of action. He definitely needed an expert and the survey would be the perfect way to make the right decision concerning the wishes of the population. He would be able to know, to understand and to act accordingly.

His eyes instantly found Lucy's brown ones. The beautiful girl was smiling widely and looked so proud that Hyungwon barely contained the urge to embrace her. She had prepared another event for him, the opportunity to talk to a few students that were hand-picked so there was no reason to be nervous. It took a while to convince his guards to stop babysitting him, he was perfectly able to protect himself if necessary. Being the king had its advantages, one of them being the fact that the guards had to listen.

The room was small, fitting a maximum of twenty people and all students present were sitting on wooden chairs, playing with their phones or talking amongst themselves when Lucy and he entered. The change in atmosphere was immediate as all pairs of eyes settled on him, like they couldn't get enough.

_They never saw the king. Father never bothered with such visits._

Inhaling carefully, Hyungwon smiled brightly and sat down on top of the table at the front. He was a little surprised by the lack of a chair, but simply assumed that was what he was meant to do. Crossing his legs, he leaned back on his hands and tried to get comfortable.

“So, now we will have the opportunity to talk about all those things that we mentioned in seminars, student circles and other university activities, only with the difference that we have the king listening and talking to us about it. I've mentioned it before, but you don't have to be scared, because he's not here to ruin your lives for having an opinion, I think he really cherishes the opportunity to listen to you,” Lucy started before looking at him and nodding as a sign for him to introduce himself.

Hyungwon paused for a second. Somehow it didn't feel right speak the way he normally did. He didn't even know how to speak casually apart from the way Hoseok had always spoken to him.

_What would Hoseok say?_

“Hi guys, as you can see, I don't even have a chair, so you don't have to be scared. I don't look much different from you either way, I even forced the guards to get off my butt for a few moments. What were you guys talking about before my arrival?” It felt a little weird, like the words weren't quite made for his tongue, but it was also genuine. Hyungwon was curious and wanted to know what the students were concerned about and he also had no idea whether he was meant to sit on the table, but it appeared less threatening somehow. “Oh, I'm Hyungwon by the way.”

Lucy slid on the table next to him and wiggled her legs a little, nodding at him.

“I'd propose that all of you say hi, your name and something that bothers you. To make it fair, you start, Hyungwon. What bothers you at the moment?” The girl turned to him and smiled reassuringly.

Hyungwon smiled back even though he had no definite answer that seemed appropriate. He couldn't tell a bunch of students that he was in love with the prince consort but they couldn't be together because the other man was married to his sister. There was also the small problem that Hoseok's parents wanted to kill him to destabilize the country and sell weapons. It was a little... too much.

“Alright, hi again, I'm Hyungwon and currently I struggle with the fact that I have never been allowed to leave the palace for safety reasons and feel like I know nothing about what's happening on the outside. I want to be able to help and make informed decisions but I have been kept away from that knowledge all my life, so I want to do a good job now,” Hyungwon elaborated and licked over his lips. It felt a little weird but one of the boys at the side of the room did the same thing with two seconds delay. He successfully ignored it to not get embarrassed and blush in front of a bunch of people. Talking about his own insecurities was already difficult enough.

_An eye for an eye._

“Hi, I'm Lucy and even though everybody knows because I talk about it 24/7, I'm bothered because I have the feeling that human rights are disregarded and discrimination runs rampant in this country, in addition to the unequal distribution of wealth, no support for alternative life choices and disregard for queersexuals. Mark?” She nodded at the boy who had licked his lips and caught him off guard. He had been staring at Hyungwon.

“Uh, hi, I'm Mark, I'm bothered by my grades.” A few seconds passed as the boy licked his lips again before continuing. “Because if I don't have good grades, I can't get a scholarship, and I'm the only one in the family who's allowed to study. My parents don't have enough money to support my sister because she's a girl and has low expectations of getting a good job anyway. It sucks, she's at least equally worthy. It makes me angry as fuck, but there's nothing I can do besides trying to get the best grades.”

Hyungwon's eyes widened at the elaboration. He knew about Lucy, but there was nothing about Mark that would have suggested he was having struggles in his family, nothing that he could identify.

“May I ask why you are the only one in your family who is allowed to study?”

“Because I'm from a low-income family, to be able to study means to forsake income for three to five years, families like ours can't afford to support their kids for an extra five years. Everything is super expensive. I'm living with my parents, but I still have to eat and buy books and pay tuition. And it’s all because the nobles don't want us to study, no offense.” Mark huffed and rolled his eyes.

“Does everybody pay the same amount of tuition?” Hyungwon vaguely remembered a discussion about that topic. There had been a demonstration at the university a few years ago which had been ignored due to time constraints. At least that had been the reasoning back then

“Yes. We can't afford it, so they offer scholarships for us, but it's ridiculous because only five percent of the students get it, and then they change rules all the time so you never know whether you'll be able to finish your stupid degree. Why? Because the nobles are the ones who grant them, the people who have the money. I would love to go to a county where they have free education, but then again, I can't cause I don't have money to leave, so yeah, it's a little depressing. And I hate analysis but that's secondary,” Mark murmured and leaned back on his chair while a few other students hummed in agreement.

_Free education? There must be countries like that._

Hyungwon remembered that discussion, the idea was to have the country pay for students’ education. The invested money would allow them to perform more elaborate jobs later on, thereby paying higher taxes. It sounded beneficial, especially if it enabled poor students to receive better paying jobs later on.

“Would scholarships that are funded by the country instead of individuals be a first step?” he asked and shifted a little on top of the table. It wasn't very comfortable, but he didn't feel in a position to complain with what the students were sharing with him.

A girl sitting next to the window replied instead of Mark.

“You know, the problem is that we are a society full of variety. There are people who make a lot of money and people who make little, people who want to pursue an education and others who don't, individuals who want to have a family and individuals who prefer to be alone or to not have kids, women, men, light skin, dark skin, but- in the end, the benefits, the group this country takes care of, is very limited to the- mostly light skinned males who own most of the money this country has. That is wrong. Simply wrong.”

_This is it, it's exactly what Hoseok said._

“And everybody is caught in the system,” Hyungwon whispered and shifted again. His teeth settled on his plump bottom lip before he nodded. “I was not aware of the difference in treatment until I met Lucy. In the palace it was impossible to see anybody with dark skin, apart from me. I was the only one and if I’m being honest with you guys, today is the first day that I have not been painted white in public. When I met Lucy for the first time, she didn't even hesitate for a second before embracing me, something that I have not even once encountered in my life. I was terrified and only later I tried to reflect on why and the reason was very simple: it was unknown. I was afraid of the unknown, of what I have never encountered. Personally, I believe that contact with variety and people that are different would make it possible to become more tolerant, to understand that it's more complex than black and white. I wish to change that.”

“You can. We're just students, being upset about things that we think are unjust, but you're the king, you can do it.” A brown-haired and very pale girl commented suddenly. “The thing is, we're not really better than anyone else, you know, it's just artificial bullshit that makes it seem like it. It would be the same as saying you're better than me, because you sit on a table and I sit on a chair.”

Hyungwon's eyes widened a little at the comparison.

_Because she is right._

“Yes, skin color and gender doesn't make you better than anybody else and I am of the same opinion as all of you. I want all of you to have the chance to study and have proper jobs and to care for your families if you wish to have any. My only concern is that this isn't only in my hands. I am sure you are familiar with the political system of our country, especially if you participate in lectures about democracy. There are advisors next to me. All of them follow particular interests. The problem is that those interests have exactly one thing in common, they address exactly one group of people, nobility. To push things through I need to have enough advisors on my side. Of course, I can say “whatever” and attempt to do it anyway, but a lot of responsibilities are split among the advisors and power is taken away from me.” Hyungwon's voice got rough from speaking so much, something he wasn't really used to. He coughed briefly, attempting to calm it.

“Mhm, I know, but it's already a nice start that someone is interested in the problems here, and it's just the uni, other people have it way worse, so consider it expensive complaining,” a black-haired boy commented and smiled at him warmly. It felt really nice, like he wasn't really the king, but somebody with a genuine interest for what was happening and willing to listen and change something. Hyungwon really wanted to change something.

“I'll do my best, I promise,” he replied and curled his hands around the edge of the table, knuckles turning white.

He had to use the advantages of being in control while he still had them, pull the strings and make quick decisions then switch the system and make it difficult to reverse the changes.

He was the king and he was going to use it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I will not forgive you if you let him die, do you hear me? It's a fucking order.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
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> 

The chandelier. It was huge, but it didn't hang right above his bed, so he had to look for it after he opened his eyes.

_It won't kill you, Hoseok. Give up._

It was another day again, another jump from his soft bed onto the blue carpet and another glance into the huge mirror, watching the black lines spread along his skin beautifully. Another deep sigh, another time that he stuffed his body into uncomfortable clothes, brushing his hair and washing his face. Somehow it seemed as if Hyungwon and him had switched spots. The young king was going outside, learning new things and getting inspired whereas he was locked in the glass prison, acting out a role that didn't fit him and lying more than he was being authentic. It was tiring, so tiring.

_At least they don't paint your face._

He had become a member of the advisory board, to monitor the loyalty of the members and to sabotage the king’s decisions. Until now there wasn't much going on, just him listening intently and trying to get a grasp of what was happening. The longer he listened, the worse his nausea got. The place was rotten, rotten from the inside and he had no idea how to change it apart from abandoning everything and starting anew.

_That's what they plan on doing. With you as the king._

Shaking his head, he walked out of his room, not protected by guards anymore as he had requested from his parents. They were strangely compliant, probably betting everything on him. Like idiots.

_Scary idiots._

It was so weird to move around the palace freely, without having to climb through windows or running down five flights of stairs in twenty seconds. Fixing the position of his watch, he entered the meeting room. Everyone was there, besides the king.

“Where is he?” Hoseok asked, not bothering with the fake friendliness. They were all rude bastards as soon as the blonde man left the room, so he didn't give a shit about being friendly either.

_You only need to be friendly to your parents. They decide what happens at the moment._

“Outside of the palace,” the middle-aged advisor for internal affairs muttered, visibly annoyed.

“This should be easy then, he's running around outside without wearing any makeup and behaving like a commoner. What do you plan on doing? He will act soon, won't he?” Hoseok commented, fixing his belt before sitting down on Hyungwon's seat demonstratively.

There were a few gasps, and he kept watching the murmuring of the rats around him.

“What? Are you loyal to the current king?” he asked with widened eyes and leaned over the table to look into the direction of a tall man with grey hair who immediately looked down. “You are? Then please leave.”

_You could be an actor, Hoseok._

Well, he did have years of practice in bullshitting his parents and everyone around him. The time had come for his experiences to become useful. If there was something that Hoseok was good at, then it was being rude and not giving a shit about proper conduct or somebody's rank in society.

“No, we are loyal to you. I am deeply sorry if you had the opposite impression.” The financial advisor bowed and pulled out the documents regarding the deal. The surveillance deals.

_It's your chance, Hoseok._

“As the king can't do anything if we decide unanimously, I will rely on your loyalty, so that we can push the deal through. It was dragged out for long enough with the poison attack on my person and the death of the late king, so don't ruin it.” He looked through the documents again and almost shivered at the content but contained himself and nodded in satisfaction. “See you tomorrow then, when he's back from his trip.”

_You need to create distrust._

Smiling at the men in turn, he thanked them for their hard work for the country, bowed once for effect and left the room, walking back to his chambers. He had wanted to talk to Yewon about his behavior towards the prince. She had been shaken last time and it was bad, in addition, Lucy had come over to see him. If he was honest, he didn't know whether she came for him or Yewon, but it was nice either way.

_She likes her, doesn't she?_

Chuckling, Hoseok dropped by his chamber to take the stupid suit jacket off before he walked through the two rooms that connected his chamber with the princess’ and knocked once before walking in.

_Holy fucking shit._

He almost had a heart attack at the sight of his kinda wife riding his best friend’s fingers, at least that's what it looked like. Yewon sat on Lucy's lap, skirt lifted up to her hips and was moving up and down while his black-haired friend caught the moans with her lips, brushing over her breasts with her free hand.

“Oh my fucking god,” he whispered and turned around, heart beating like crazy at the adrenaline.

_Your best friend is fucking your wife, while you fuck her brother. What the fuck is this mess?_

There was a high-pitched yelp, accompanied by the shuffling of bed sheets and feet that must have slipped into uncomfortable heels again.

“Oh god, Hoseok, wait- fuck-” Yewon cursed, almost falling over judging by the sounds.

“Holy fucking shit, oh my god,” he murmured, still a little scared to turn around and shaking his head to get rid of the images. He really hoped that the princess wouldn't break her neck.

“Lucy, say something, fuck,” Yewon hissed quietly and there was a brief slap.

“I'm in love with your wife,” Lucy's voice commented, completely unimpressed at the situation. He turned around, eyes widening and staring at his friend.

“You what?” he asked, mouth left open.

_This is ridiculous._

“Yeah. It kinda happened, she's gorgeous and amazing and smart and I love it when she's all bitchy sometimes, I'm hooked.”

“I-” Yewon began, obviously not expecting Lucy to reply with a full-blown confession instead of a half assed explanation about what they were doing.

The princess rearranged her skirt and lifted her bra strap back to her shoulder. Her face resembled that of a tomato, perfectly red like she had never been pale in her life.

“She's right,” she admitted eventually, chewing on her cheek the way Hyungwon did when he was nervous.

“Why are you so shocked? You have Hyungwon, don't you think it's unfair for such a gorgeous woman to stay alone while married to a gay man?” Lucy huffed and walked over to the princess, curling her arms around her waist from behind and pressing a kiss against her neck.

_Oh no._

“Uh-I, it's not that I'm not okay with it, it's just sudden, I didn't expect it. It's fine, please continue,” he murmured, stepping closer to the door and hoping to escape before Yewon realized.

“He has Hyungwon? What are you talking about?” The blonde woman sounded confused, like she didn't get the point yet, that Hoseok was basically fucking her brother without her knowledge. “He has a palace boy, doesn't he? The one you slept with one our wedding night, making him scream throughout the whole east wing.”

_Fuck._

“That must've been your brother, Hoseok wouldn't touch anyone else, he's in love,” Lucy commented, deadass ignoring his mental breakdown. It was true that people said it was always lovers over friends.

_Traitor._

“You _what_?” The shock in Yewon's voice was obvious as she must have stopped giving a single shit that she was in a bra as she walked over and grabbed his shoulder, turning him around so that she could look at him. “Are you fucking crazy, Hoseok? He's the king, he has a shitton of responsibilities and the slightest backlash could cost him his fucking life with the restrictions we have in this fucking glass prison. Do you want him dead? How can you fuck him and treat him like shit in the morning, talking behind his back? You're an asshole, such a fucking asshole.” It was scary how quickly the princess’ facial expression changed, tears filling her eyes and nails digging into Hoseok’s skin painfully. “Stay the fuck away from him if you make him miserable.”

There were quite a few points Yewon was right about, but it was too late, and he didn't want to stay away.

“First of all, ouch, second, I have to treat him like this because otherwise my parents will get rid of him. I'm playing my role and he knows it, he knows everything and he knows that I love him, so you have to play along too, that's why I'm here. I'm here to tell you that this will be a shitshow, but you have to play along. And I won't stay away from him because he likes me too. God, why is this such a mess? Fuck my life.” He reached out and fixed the other strap of Yewon's bra, letting out a deep sigh. “Also, I'm not an asshole.”

“But-” the blonde girl swallowed, visibly uncomfortable. “But he's not… gay or anything. He doesn't know anything else, how can you be sure that it's not merely… the need for affection because no-one has ever been close to him before?”

_Ouch._

“You know what? I'm not sure, I just know that I love him and that I'm going to do everything to make sure that he's happy and safe. Go and make sure, maybe you can talk some sense into him,” he muttered, turning around and walking towards the door quickly, leaving both women behind.

“Hoseok, I-” Yewon began but he didn't hear the rest, drowned by the sound of his own quick steps and the door that he closed behind himself.

It might have been true, Hyungwon might have been blinded by the fact that he didn't know anything else, letting Hoseok shower him with affection that he had missed all this time. The worst part was that it didn't matter, if Hyungwon wanted him for reasons other than love, it was okay. It was okay as long as the king wanted him.

_Why are you so desperate?_

It was pointless, there was other stuff he had to think about, for example how to delicately ruin his parent’s plans, how to protect Hyungwon and to enable him to help the people while using the status he had.

_You have to do a good job, Hoseok._

 

_

 

 

“We can't do it. There is a veto,” Hyungwon said after the assistant had looked through the votes and told the king about the outcome. It was his stage, his time to shine, so he stood up looking around and staring into the faces of the advisors.

“Which one of you was it?” he asked boldly, isolating his index finger and pointing at each of the middle-aged men who looked a little terrified. “Don't be scared, just please elaborate on why you thought the deal was a bad idea, I just want to know,” he commented and smiled, aware that the advisors knew what that meant.

_They won't know who it was._

“You don't want to? Well, I have to make an important call. Your majesty, please excuse my absence.” Bowing gracefully, Hoseok left the room, smiling to himself and walking to his room to call his parents.

_You can do it._

“Mother, we have a problem. One of the advisors must've voted against the deal, there is a veto. Are you sure that they are all on our side?” he asked, sounding shaken, even to himself.

_Good job._

“They what? How did this happen? They all swore loyalty to us, it can't be.” His mother's high-pitched voice sounded a little hysterical.

“Well, it definitely wasn't me, I'm supposed to be king, it must've been one of them!” he exclaimed, waiting for his mother's reply.

“I- I don't even know who it might be, I will ask around. Be careful around them for the time being, until we find it out who isn't loyal.” There was a short break. “Good job,” she said and hung up.

_This snake._

It was the first step, but he felt as if he had accomplished something. He had prevented a terrible decision that would have affected the population in the worst possible way and he had created doubt and suspicion between the advisors, breaking the unit and enabling distrust to develop.

_You might be able to help him like this._

Meanwhile the rumors spread in the palace and he had already seen an article about himself in the left-wing newspaper, calling him worse than the royal family and a prince of heavy industry, only there to make people miserable. It was okay. Actually, it was really good, because it meant that he had shit popularity, perfect to support his image in the palace, among the advisors and his parents. He needed more articles like that.

_To keep him safe._

He let himself fall on top of the sheets, staring at the white ceiling, beautifully decorated with stucco elements and the big crystal chandelier.

He hadn't had the opportunity to see Hyungwon apart from official events, where he had to act as his enemy, clearly undermining his decisions and attempts to change anything. He was proud, really proud of how much progress the blonde man had made, presenting himself as a strong leader, not afraid to fight for his beliefs and trying to improve the things that were wrong all by himself.

_You could've never done that._

He smiled to himself. Maybe it was fate after all, his opportunity to help changing the country by protecting someone he loved.

_You can be useful like this._

There was a knock before the familiar voice of one of the male servants penetrated through the heavy wooden door.

“His majesty the king has come to speak to you, your highness.”

_It's him._

He sat up and looked towards the door, not bothering to stand up.

“Thank you, he can come in.”

The door was opened and Hyungwon entered. It wasn't that unusual anymore to see the blonde man in casual attire, dressed in a tight pair of jeans and a loose silk shirt. Only his jewelry and the quality of the fabric he wore indicated the wealth of the royal family. He wasn't wearing the crown either.

“I'm glad that you have the time to talk to me considering how busy you have been recently, discussing with the advisors during my absence, dear prince consort,” the king remarked with a smile. Despite the welcoming facial expression on the beautiful man's face the words were rather hostile, enough to gain the interest of some of the guards positioned outside. “Leave us, I wish to talk to the prince consort in private.”

There was obvious dismay at being thrown out as the servants and guards begrudgingly left, closing the door behind them. Sighing, Hyungwon removed a small, black scrambling device from his pocket and pressed a button.

“Can't have anyone listening in on us,” he remarked and brushed through his gorgeous hair, action so relaxed and nonchalant that it felt unfamiliar to Hoseok.

“You look good,” he whispered, smile pulling at the corners of his mouth at how happy he was too see Hyungwon without having to play a role. “How are you?”

“A little overwhelmed by your acting skills,” the beautiful blonde man pointed out and stepped closer. Hyungwon lifted one hand and brushed through his black hair once, following the curve of his ear before removing his hand again. “It was you, wasn't it? The veto?”

“Mhm. You doubted?” he asked, feeling bitter but also good about the fact that even the person he loved hesitated when it came to the way he acted. He took the other man's big palm and placed a kiss on top of it, letting the warmth seep through his slightly cooler skin. He missed him. Hoseok had missed him so much.

“No, after all, there was nobody who was as confused by your behavior when you first got to the palace as I was. You are superb at finding the perfect balance between following rules and confusion.” The smile on those plump, red lips was affectionate as the king cupped his face with both of his palms and kissed him, merely a brief touch of their lips. “I am conducting a survey; the results are almost tabulated and I am overwhelmed by how many people have participated. I feel like there is really something to be changed, Hoseok, so much. Even some of the nobles want it, I am still baffled.”

“That is amazing, Hyungwon. I can't believe that I might actually see a change in this country in my lifetime. I'm thankful and proud. I knew that you would be able to make a difference.” It was weird to say it, even though it was the truth. He had never wished for anything more than he wished for the injustice to vanish and to make space for progress, for democracy and for an improvement for the people who needed it the most. But then- he also missed the time when Hyungwon had been prince and he was prince consort, climbing over walls and talking for hours in the garden, wearing only pajamas and dreaming of something that wasn't there. He felt as if he had lived an additional ten years in a matter of a few months. It was scary, so scary.

“I couldn't do this without you, I would know nothing without you, Hoseok.” The other man's smile was beautiful, so beautiful. It spread his plump lips into a thin line and pushed up his round cheeks. “Thank you, Hoseok, thank you for showing me that the inside of the palace is not everything there is.”

“But still, there are people who know the outside and will fight against change. It's you. It was you from the start with your curiosity and the drive to make it better. I'm glad to see you going outside so much, it suits you really well. You look gorgeous. Gorgeous and happy.” Hoseok leaned forward, pressing his forehead against the other man's lean stomach and sucking in a breath harshly. It was so hard to pretend to be okay, especially with Hyungwon.

“But you don't look happy.” His facial expression must have glitched in its pretense as the king's eyebrows pulled together and he sank to his knees, blonde head resting on Hoseok’s lap. “I miss you, Hoseok. I miss seeing your face and your real expressions. I know that you do it for me, but I still miss it. The more time passes the more it resembles a dream, like I have only invented our closeness in my head, that we never really talked in the garden, explored the outside together. It feels like it's all only a part of my imagination.”

“I don't know if I miss myself or if I miss you, it's all overlapped in my head. I can't even think properly besides of what I am doing and what to do next. Maybe you're- just with me because you haven't found anyone else? You'll go outside and you will meet people, people who are nicer and smarter than me, those who are stronger and will love you better than I do. Me, who is sabotaging everything you do on the outside because of my crazy family. If it wasn't for me and my family, you would've had a nice life without any troubles. I'm so sorry,” he whispered and sucked in a breath, keeping his resolve not to cry, not in front of Hyungwon, not now.

“I don't want anybody but you. Those people didn't share the experiences I shared with you, they didn't show me what it means to be responsible for others and what effect selfish decisions can have on single individuals. The people out there didn't climb over walls to see me, ran through the palace with the threat of being caught and they didn't take poison to keep me safe. They can't compare, Hoseok, not to everything we've been through.” Hyungwon inhaled sharply, almost like he struggled himself, face buried in Hoseok’s lap and long fingers stroking over his calves. “This isn't a conspiracy, Hoseok. You're not responsible for what your parents do, you are your own person with your own decisions and you are the one helping me. I know that and I'm working towards the day when I can kiss you without hiding away in a dark room in the palace, hoping that none of the servants will see.”

_That day might never come._

The thought was depressing, scary, but at the same time so terrifyingly realistic. He wasn't in the position to make Hyungwon's life miserable because he was caught in the mess his parents had created, it was his decision to act and he had to learn to live with it.

“Don't think that I'm possessive or anything, I was just thinking that you have so many possibilities and opportunities now that you can leave the palace. It's amazing, I'm really happy for you. You might not be able to kiss me though; the people hate me.” He chuckled and thought about the article he had read in the morning.

“Then we will have to change their minds,” the king murmured and placed a kiss on his pale palm. The difference between Hyungwon's red lips and his own skin was fascinating. “They hate a lot of things, and me and everything I stand for have been chief among them. When they will see that it was for the country's benefit they will understand.”

The other man was naive.

“It will be fine; just concentrate on the things you want to do and I will try to keep the impact minimal. I- I still miss you. I miss you so much,” Hoseok whispered, raking through the blonde hair helplessly.

“I miss you too, I swear. Each time I leave the palace I wish you were with me and that you could hear what I'm hearing. Many times, I try to imagine what you would say, how you would react. I feel like you would be so much better at this than I am, all my behavior is a result of your advice and what I remember of you. Hoseok-” There was a pause as Hyungwon lifted his head and looked up at him, teeth nibbling on his full lips. It was almost like all those times before, back when the other man had been the prince and hesitant about requesting something. “May I see you tonight?”

He smiled. The thought of seeing the beautiful blonde man and being able to kiss his pretty lips and to be close to each other again filled his chest with pleasant warmth, so unfitting to his thoughts.

“I would love you to, Hyungwon.”

He cupped the other man's small face carefully between his pale palms. His skin color looked unhealthy in comparison to the beautiful golden tone of Hyungwon's neck and cheeks. Leaning forward, he connected their lips, euphoria and pleasant heat travelling through his body as he counted in his thoughts.

_One, two, three._

_Stop._

 

_

 

The camera flash blinded him once in a while, but he ignored it as well as he could. He knew what he wanted to say and he knew his position and the position he was going to show to the outside world. The reporter refrained from asking many questions, probably intimidated by his gaze and the way he positioned himself. She was right, he didn’t seem like a nineteen-year-old, not even to himself.

He had told the palace staff that he did not want to be reminded of his birthday, so nobody really congratulated him. It was nice, he didn’t have time to celebrate anyway.

_There’s nothing to celebrate either._

“And this is the reason for needing more armored personnel at the borders, for closing them and for making sure that the people are protected from criminals in and outside of the country. I will definitely do my best to enforce those decisions, even if his majesty seems to oppose my opinion. We have to do it for the people, regardless of the royal family. We need more surveillance and more stability because we need to protect everybody, especially the noble class,” he finished with a nod, waiting for the reporter to write everything down. It was amazing, they even live streamed it in the news.

_So that you don’t have to leave the palace._

Hoseok stood up and bowed, thanking the reporters and nodding towards the advisors who attended the interview for backup he didn’t need in the first place.

_You can lead them astray all by yourself._

He saw Yewon’s big eyes when he was walking through the hallway back to his chambers to finally get rid of the dark-blue suit and wait for Hyungwon to come over. Arriving and finally closing the heavy wooden door after himself, he sat down on the edge of the bed and let out a deep sigh. It was so straining. Just as he started unbuttoning his shirt, there was a knock on the door connecting his chamber to the other rooms of their wing and the familiar face, framed by black locks, appeared in the door crack.

“Let’s have a talk, Bunny,” Lucy murmured and stepped inside, shutting the heavy door behind herself and closing the distance with quick steps. There were no guards so it was safe to talk.

“What did you want to talk about?” he asked, trying to think about the last time he had talked to his best friend properly, without being scared or having people around. It must’ve been so long ago that he couldn’t remember the exact time.

_When Hyungwon brought her for you._

Chuckling bitterly, he patted the spot on the bed next to himself and waited until the black-haired girl sat down, glancing at him with her round, brown eyes.

“You. I need to talk about you, Hoseok. I- I was sure that you knew what you were doing, I was thinking that you would do your best to handle this situation, but I can’t watch it anymore. You’re ruining yourself, Hoseok. This is not the right approach. It isn’t.” His best friend stared at him, tears collecting immediately.

_Why does she care so much about you?_

Curling his arms around Lucy’s shoulders, he pulled her closer and buried his face in the crook of her warm neck, breathing frequency increasing and making it hard to contain his emotions. It felt so strange, as if those feelings shouldn’t have been there, not with the way he continuously acted in front of everyone, but they still were, pulling at his insides and hurting so badly.

_There is still something left of you._

“I don’t know. Am I like this or is this just an act? I don’t know anymore, I have no idea who I am anymore,” he whispered and felt his tears flow down his cheeks, staining the girl’s pretty silk dress. Lucy must’ve worn something nice for Yewon.

“How long do you plan on doing this? Until your parents die? Or until Hyungwon changes the system? It will take a long time, I don’t want you to do this, Hoseok. You don’t have to do it. He is strong, he doesn’t need you to sacrifice yourself for this. It will be fine,” his friend replied and stroked over his hair gently, letting the strands slip in between the spaces of her fingers.

_But what if it won’t be fine?_

“I know what you think. You think that it won’t be okay, but it’s life, Hoseok. It’s not as if you know about an imminent danger and act as if it isn’t there. It’s abstract and he has a lot of supporters on the outside. Furthermore, he recruited private guards, ones that look after him independent of the palace security. They are two really nice boys from the Taekwondo classes I’ve been to. They’re almost as good as him,” Lucy commented and chuckled, lifting his head from her shoulder and cupping his face with both palms. “You can’t betray your own principles like this, Hoseok. It’s not worth it, look at yourself. Your parents might be scary, but living like this is way scarier if you ask me. Don’t do it to yourself, I love you, Hyungwon loves you and Yewon loves you too. We need you. You are a person like us and you deserve to be respected and accepted independently of what your relationship to the king is or what kind of family you are from.”

He couldn’t stop crying at the words his best friend spoke. He wanted them to be true, he really wanted them to be real so badly, but he was scared. Scared of what might happen as soon as he went back on his words and as soon as he would position himself behind Hyungwon and fight for him the way he wanted to.

_But maybe you can, Hoseok. What if you can?_

“Do you- do you really think that I can openly support him? I want to, I want nothing more besides being able to use my skills to make it easier for him, to stay behind him and to aid him to make it better, but I’m so scared, Lucy, I’m terrified.” The tears kept dropping and he licked over his lips.

“If the only reason why you are not doing something is your fear- then you should definitely do it.” Lucy placed a kiss on his forehead and stood up, brushing a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “I don't want to keep Yewon waiting for a long time and I have to leave the palace soon. Please remember our bedtime talks, are you still someone who wants to change something?” The black-haired girl smiled and disappeared behind the wooden door, leaving him behind on the huge bed.

_Are you still the same person?_

Wiping away his tears, he undressed completely. He felt a little more like himself, black lines prominent like a name on a passport, signalizing that it was him. Lucy was right, he had changed so much. So much that he didn’t know himself anymore, it just wasn’t him.

_You have to get yourself back. This isn’t you._

His bed was soft, sinking under his weight when he pulled up his blanket and stared at the ceiling like he always did. His eyes closed and he fell asleep almost instantly.

He didn't know what time it was when he opened his eyes under the blanket. There was shuffling and he smiled, waiting for Hyungwon to sit down on the bed next to him, but nothing happened.

_Is something wrong?_

Lifting up on his elbows, he looked around until the light turned off and he was pinned down with an insane impact, feeling the air leave his lungs and fingers closing around his neck, pressing down. He tried to free himself, sight blurring. There was something sharp cutting into his shoulder and exploding in a firework of pain, numbing his limbs.

_You can’t be dying now, Hoseok, you can’t._

Mobilizing his last bit of strength, he lifted his knees, kicking a body with force until he managed to throw the person down.

_You need to know who it is._

He wanted to, he really did, but the burning in his shoulder didn’t let him move and he simply fell down from the bed, hearing the door open and close again.

_He wanted to kill you. Definitely._

Breathing heavily from the burning around his neck and the sharp stabbing pain in his shoulder, he jerked at the familiar low voice saying something while long fingers curled around his arm.

“Hyungwon- you- you have to leave, get someone else and leave,” he murmured, trying to make out the other man’s silhouette, but failing. There was only darkness surrounding him. “And you might have to legalize tattoos.” His voice didn’t sound like himself as the quiet sounds, scary thoughts and painful perceptions faded into nothingness.  
  


***

 

Hyungwon was excited, heart beating fast as he decided to remain in normal clothes instead of pajamas. It was safer in case he would be caught later at night and needed a valid reason to be running around the palace, hiding away from his guards.

The two men that were assigned to him after a careful background check were perfect, quiet but not as stuck up as he was used to from the palace guards. They still didn't talk much but at least he could see an eyeroll in case of obvious stupidity.

He felt a little bad for sneaking away from the men like that, but nobody was allowed to know about his relationship to the prince consort, not even his sister and the people that were closest to him.

_Because they wouldn't understand, ever._

The route from his new bedchambers to Hoseok's was less of a suicide game than it was before but it still involved climbing through the window and along the outside wall. His steps were quiet as he carefully made his way across the unfamiliar surface to get past his guards and to the hallway near Hoseok's room. Hyungwon was so excited to see the black-haired man without pretense and titles that he struggled to focus on keeping his steps silent.

The way down the marble steps was familiar, even if most of the path wasn't. The two of them hadn't been able to be close to each other in private since the wedding several weeks ago.

_You need to give him his present._

It was a little embarrassing and reminded Hyungwon of when he had brought the prince consort medication, hiding it under his pajamas. Even now he was forced to slip the present under his shirt, making the fabric stick out and resemble a strange deformation of his abdomen.

_Good luck explaining that in case you get caught._

He was the king, he could literally say anything, but he didn't want the servants to begin talking about him sneaking around at night, transporting things under his shirt. There were enough rumors already.

It was impossible to keep the smile off his face as he passed through the chambers, unprotected as Hoseok had requested to be left alone and without guards constantly watching his every step. Hyungwon couldn't dare to do that, but he was glad that it enabled him to be close.

There was brief shuffling and scratching of soles on the parquet floors. Hyungwon turned quickly to make sure there was nobody to see him enter the black-haired man's chambers, but there was nobody, merely the shut door that he had closed behind himself.

His heartbeat picked up at the brief shock and he opened Hoseok’s bedchamber door, careful to not wake him up in case he was resting. Instead of seeing the other man sitting on his bed or sleeping he was met with the sight of strangely arranged sheets and a slightly unnatural arrangement of limbs. It was difficult to tell in the dark but the shadows weren't right.

_Something is off._

He crossed the distance quickly, right hand reaching out, only to realize that the black-haired man wasn't lying on the bed. His eyes widened in panic until he finally saw Hoseok lying on the ground, pale skin reflecting the minimal moonlight. He curled his fingers around Hoseok’s arm.

The other man's skin was moist, a little sticky to the touch. Hyungwon let go instantly, seeing the dark color that stained the other man's shoulder had transferred to his fingers and was now dripping off.

_What is happening?_

There was a painful throbbing at his temples that only worsened the longer he stared and inhaled the stuffy air, filled with an unpleasant scent. It instantly returned images to his mind, of himself as a child, crying helplessly and in pain.

_Blood, he's bleeding, he's hurt._

The air got stuck in his throat as he saw how the thick liquid pooled on the wooden floors. It looked almost black in the dark and Hyungwon didn't need to see to know what it was, what it meant, what could happen.

_You can't lose him, not now and not ever._

“Hoseok- what happened, what happened, Hoseok?” he muttered, scared beyond belief. His hands were shaking uncontrollably as he attempted to lift the other man's head, to have him look at him. There was so much blood and the familiar curved lips looked almost colorless, parted in a silent exhale. His left hand reached for the night table to turn on a small light, missing the switch a few times.

_Please, don't let it be too late._

Hoseok looked deadly pale, red-bluish marks present around his neck and a cut breaking the pale skin right below his right collarbone. It was terrifying, so terrifying.

_Just like you, he was hurt like you back then._

“Do you hear me? Please stay awake, Hoseok, don't let go,” he whispered, stroking over Hoseok’s skin repeatedly and attempting to think of what to do, what his options were. He couldn't let anybody see Hoseok’s body. Tattoos were forbidden by law, prosecuted by the country.

“Hyungwon- you- you have to leave, get someone else and leave,” Hoseok muttered, voice rough. The other man had trouble speaking.

_He's awake, he's not gone, you can do something._

His thoughts were rushing through his mind without structure, ways to help the other man, what he needed to do, how to stop the bleeding.

“We'll take care of this, it will be fine, Hoseok, I promise, just stay awake,” he replied calmly, voice so unfitting to how he barely had any control over his body. His hands shook as he grabbed the bedsheets and pulled, ripping the fabric with his hands to press it to the cut on Hoseok’s shoulder. He needed to stop the bleeding, everything else was secondary.

_He has medication, he always does._

“And you might have to legalize tattoos,” the black-haired man whispered, breaths sounding more strained and frequent than before.

_You can't, you won't be able to._

“That's secondary, Hoseok, it will be fine, trust me.” He was convincing himself as he jumped up, present falling up the floor and remaining there. It was meaningless now. He rummaged through the other man's belongings, throwing meaningless and mostly unknown items to the side. His breath hitched when he finally found the bandages and disinfectant. It would have to do for now, he couldn't let anybody see Hoseok, not like this.

“Don't move, I need to take care of the cut,” he whispered and poured some liquid into his palm before applying it to the wound carefully. He held his palm over Hoseok’s mouth in case the black-haired man responded to the burning sensation. “I'll need to cover it tightly and then we have to get you back on the bed, do you hear me, Hoseok?”

_Who do you trust? You can't do this alone._

There was no response as Hoseok’s eyes were closed and his chest rose and fell, body remaining motionless on the ground.

_Oh no._

Hyungwon panicked, fear returning full force as he attempted to turn Hoseok’s body so that he had access to the wound, covering it tightly with the prepared bandage. But it wouldn't be enough, not for a cut like that. There was no way he could keep it to himself, not at all.

_You need help._

Inhaling sharply, he grabbed the black-haired man below his armpits and pulled him up as quickly as he could, heaving him onto the bed. He had to be careful, but the sheer strength needed to move Hoseok’s limp body was exhausting. His own breaths were quick when he covered the pale body with the blanket.

 _Whoever you call, they need to keep quiet_.

Hoseok opened his eyes once again, barely moving his eyelids and hypo ventilating.

“You need to leave, why are you still here, leave- now. They will think that it was you, you need to go,” the black-haired man whispered and exhaled sharply while holding onto his arm.

“Don't be ridiculous, Hoseok, they won't think that-”

He stopped talking, eyes jumping from Hoseok’s hurt body on the bed to his casually dressed self, not surrounded by guards because he had left them behind.

_It's not about what you did, but what they might accuse you off._

Hoseok was right, he was right and Hyungwon was being reckless, scared about losing the black-haired man and endangering both of them at the same time.

_It can't be you, it can't be you, Hyungwon._

It was frustrating, numbing his senses and his ability to act. There was nothing he could do, nothing at all. Hoseok wanted him to protect himself, but he couldn't just leave the black-haired man like that, hurt and bleeding.

_Yewon. There is nobody else._

He could get to her through the connecting doors of their bedchambers, unprotected by guards. His hands shivered as he reached for Hoseok’s face, brushing over his hot cheek and pressing a brief kiss to his curved lips.

“I will call Yewon, she will find you and she will make sure that nobody sees your tattoos, do you hear me, Hoseok?” he whispered. His hands were shivering uncontrollably, like his body didn't want to pretend to be strong, not in front of Hoseok. “Please hold on, please, I love you, do you hear me?”

“I love you, please don’t do anything stupid. Promise me that you’ll leave,” the strained voice replied, ocean-blue eyes staring into his, gaze intense but one could see that Hoseok struggled to keep them open, facial expression changing due to the pain he must’ve been feeling.

“Promise me that you won't die,” Hyungwon whispered back, lips trembling and thumb stroking over Hoseok’s cheeks. “It's- it's an order.”

“But you know how much I suck at obeying orders.” There was a brief smile, replaced by an expression of deep agony as Hoseok closed his eyes for a few seconds, probably to deal with it. “I can’t die, not before making my real feelings clear and showing them who I really am.”

“Shh, don't speak, it will only make it worse, I know what I'm talking about,” Hyungwon replied, the sudden wish to cry almost unbearable.

_But you can't, you have to make sure he's safe._

His thumb passed over those beautiful lips and he leaned forward again, kissing the black-haired man for a little longer until he was forced to pull back again. Nodding one last time, he convinced himself to let go. He couldn't be weak now, not when Hoseok was in danger and a single wrong move on his side could cost them their lives.

His steps were quiet and practiced as he opened the doors connecting the rooms and passed through, entering the princess’ chambers in a matter of seconds. Yewon was asleep, curled up in her blanket and her long, blonde hair was spread over her pillow. Hyungwon had no choice but to ask her for help.

“Yewon,” he muttered, curling his arms around the slim woman and lifting her up so that she sat up on her gigantic bed, leaning against his chest. “Wake up, I need your help.”

The sudden touch was sufficient to have a pair of wide blue eyes settle on him, lips parting to scream. Hyungwon stopped her, quickly covering her mouth with his palm and waiting for her to calm down, recognizing him after a few seconds.

“What are you doing here, your majesty?” she muttered, blinking repeatedly and struggling to understand which role she had to play. Swallowing, the princess stared at him, eyes travelling along his body until she suddenly froze, gasping.

“Hoseok was hurt, I need you to go to him, right this instant. Call for help, make sure the royal doctor comes and say that you don't want anybody to see too much of his naked skin, be hysterical, I don't care how you do it. They can't see his skin; do you understand me?” His brain was moving faster than his lips could catch up, speaking quickly and holding up the princess while she attempted to free herself.

“What have you done, Hyungwon? What the fuck have you done? Are you crazy? Stay the fuck away from me,” she hissed, ripping the blankets to the side and moving to the middle of the bed. She was the one who looked crazy, eyes wide and dark finger marks on his shoulders.

_It's you, your hands, Hyungwon._

“It wasn't me, I would never hurt him, Yewon, never. He's the only person I need in my life. We don't have time, you need to help him, it can't be me, it has to be you, you're his wife, you're permitted to be with him.” The desire to cry came right back, hands shivering and chest hurting more with each sharp inhale. “Please, Yewon, I need your help.”

“So it's true?” the princess whispered, remaining in the middle of the bed and watching him intently. “You sleep with him? Forsaking your responsibilities?”

_You can't let anyone else know, you can't. It's not about this, it's about his life._

“It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter at all, Yewon. What matters is that Hoseok is hurt in that room and you are wasting time instead of helping him. It's not about what I do or don't do, it's about a human life.” His voice was shaking as he pointed towards the door, fear returning the more time passed. There was no time for this, none at all. She had to help, to act and save him.

“It matters because you're covered in blood, Hyungwon. You look like you murdered someone with your bare hands and you're telling me to get involved and lie for you.” The blonde girl shifted, dressed in a nightgown and pulling the white blanket up to her chest.

“I will not forgive you if you let him die, Yewon, do you hear me?” His tone changed, hands clenching into fists and burning in his chest returning. “It's a fucking order.”

The princess’ eyes widened at the curse as she threw the blanket to the side, pulled a robe over her shoulders and made her way over to the door. Only when the slim girl reached the connection between rooms, did she turn around, focusing on him.

“Please tell me that you know what you're doing,” she whispered before disappearing behind the door and closing it soundly.

_You need to get away from here._

He ran over to the sink at the other end of the room, washing his hands as well as he could, enough to not leave marks on the outside walls. His fingers were still shaking, but his body had to get itself in check, to know that he had to climb now, to return to his chambers and burn his clothes. He had to pretend like he had never left his bedchambers in the first place, safely tucked away in bed and unaware of the attack on the prince consort.

_Not even as a king you are able to protect the ones who matter to you._

He was helpless, just like back then.

_ _  
_

“There must have been political intent behind the action, your majesty. There is no other valid reason for somebody attacking the prince consort.”

The advisors had gotten together for an emergency meeting concerning the attack on Hoseok’s person, the way he was choked and brutally stabbed in his shoulder.

“It can be assumed that the attack was of political nature, but the more important question is how it could happen. The prince consort has rejected the presence of guards, making it easier for perpetrators to enter his chambers. As the palace is my responsibility, I will increase the security myself, choose guards that I consider capable and worthy of protecting a prince,” Hyungwon replied and reached out to take a sip of his drink. The atmosphere was tense among the advisors. It was the perfect sign that the attack had not been planned by them.

Of course, the middle-aged men around him would not want to see the man they chose as their leader get hurt. Hoseok was their spokesperson, the man that supported the weapons deal and proposed closing the borders. It must have been somebody who opposed the idea and wished for the deal to die with Hoseok.

_It's because of you. He's doing it to protect you and endangers himself by doing so._

“There will be a press conference tomorrow and I wish to speak out on this topic. Independent of political intent, the death of a person is never a solution. I am sure you will agree.” His voice got lower towards the end, perfectly aware that some of the men present just recently supported the idea of his own death.

“Of course, your majesty,” was the echoing reply. There was no sign of the advisors using the occurrences against him, but it was only a matter of time. The palace was his responsibility and so was its security. An attack on palace grounds meant that Hyungwon had not done his job properly.

_Even though most of the guards have betrayed you already._

He smiled briefly and stood up, leaving the group of men behind. He had seen them enough to last him a lifetime. The only person that he really needed to see was Hoseok. The black-haired man had been treated as well as possible, with the restrictions given by the princess.

_You have to be thankful to her, she saved his life and freedom._

His steps were a little too fast, but he didn't care. Arriving at the black-haired man's quarters, he instantly entered, not even bothering to be announced.

“How is he feeling?” he asked one of the servants that was arranging a little bit of food on the platter.

“Your majesty,” the woman muttered in shock and bowed, gesturing towards the bed. “His highness the prince consort is-”

“Leave us,” a familiar female voice sounded as Hyungwon's eyes settled on his sister. Yewon sat at the side of Hoseok’s bed, rubbing over his pale hand but watching him instead of the hurt man. “I wish to speak to his majesty on my own.”

There were a few polite bows as the servants quickly left the room, whispers beginning behind the door as soon as it closed.

“I see you are starting rumors again,” Hyungwon murmured and stepped closer, unsure where to put himself now that the princess was close to the man, he had desired to see for the past two days.

_But you couldn't because you are the king, and the king is meant to put responsibilities above everything else._

“Interesting to see you after all this time, after you entered my bedroom and told me what to do without explaining a single thing.” Yewon sounded accusatory, pursing her lips and continuously stroking over Hoseok’s beautiful skin.

“I had no choice, only you were able to protect his secret.”

“Of course, the tattoos. I'm not sure what I expected, but maybe it was a little more openness and honesty towards your own sister, Hyungwon. Do I seem stuck up to you? Why am I the only one who doesn't know who you gift your affection to?” There was a brief tremble in the girl’s bottom lip, a sign that she was emotional. Hyungwon had hurt her by excluding her.

“It was- safer. This is so much bigger than just my safety, Yewon. I couldn't risk it,” he whispered and barely resisted the urge to send the princess away and grasp the pale hand on his own. He had felt like he was losing his mind, sitting in his room and waiting for news, for somebody to finally tell him whether Hoseok had made it.

“You're the king, Hyungwon. You can't just believe that you can keep everything a secret without help, without people on your side. You can't fucking do this on your own, especially not if everybody who's trying to help you is getting fucking killed. Do you understand me? I'm tired of secrets and not knowing what's happening around me.” Yewon reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him down to her eye level. “Hoseok, the most open minded and revolutionary person I know suddenly argues for closing the borders and weaponizing the country. What is going on, what is he doing that for? Why would he oppose the one thing he really fights for?”

Hyungwon swallowed, staring at the big ice-blue eyes that were so much like his own.

“To keep me safe,” he replied quietly, hating the words that left his lips and what they meant. It was unfair, why was he the one that had to be protected at the cost of others? If he had been able to exchange spots with the unconscious black-haired man, he would have done it immediately.

_But he wouldn't let you, not with everything that you are constantly fighting for._

“And who is going to keep him safe? He already rejected all his guards because he hates surveillance and his parents that stalk him. I'm tired of having no idea. I'm part of this family and I'm your sister, Hyungwon. I'm part of this.” His sister stood up from the bed, still holding onto his wrist and exhaled slowly. “I'm not going to tell you who to love and who to hate, Hyungwon. I would never do that. But I need for you to share with me. Even if father always tried to keep me away from you, he isn't here to do that anymore.”

_She's right. You know you can trust her, Hyungwon. You don't need to isolate yourself, you have both of them and Hoseok needs the support as much as you do._

His chest hurt, burning right in the middle as he nodded slowly. The air in his lungs felt like bleach as he reached out and curled his arms around the tiny woman, pulling her closer to his chest.

“I'm sorry, Yewon. I struggled so much with understanding what I want for myself and which sacrifices I'm willing to make. I didn't want you to have to bear the burden of a secret,” he whispered and stroked over Yewon's long blonde hair. She seemed so much calmer than him, less afraid and perfectly aware of what she wanted. It was admirable.

“You're such a strong woman,” he added, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Hoseok would tell you that that's misogynistic because it indicates that women aren't strong. No-one ever says ‘you're such a strong man’.” His sister laughed briefly and slapped his shoulder as she loved doing when nobody was present. “I'm happy that Hoseok is the person you care about. I'm pretty sure that he's the best choice out there.”

Hyungwon smiled back, glancing at the motionless black-haired man. The sight instantly returned the pain to his chest.

“When will he wake up?” he muttered and let go, sitting down at Hoseok’s bedside instead.

“I don't know, they said the bleeding stopped and he should be recovering. It should be soon,” the blonde woman replied and smiled again. “Would you like me to leave you?”

Hyungwon licked over his lips and nodded, intertwining his fingers with those familiar pale ones. It instantly returned a feeling of relief to his body, like everything was going to be alright as long as he had Hoseok next to him. He needed him, there was nobody that he needed as much as the black-haired man lying next to him.

“As you wish, your majesty,” the princess replied with a small bow and a smile on her lips before she left the room, not allowing anybody else to enter.

It felt like a few months ago, when Hoseok had poisoned himself and Hyungwon was the helpless one, unsure what had happened and what he was supposed to do without the other man next to him.

“You have no idea how often you make me worry about you, when you keep saying that I'm the one who has to be protected,” he whispered and lifted the pale palm to his lips, kissing it and inhaling the familiar scent. It was mixed with medication and disinfectant, but there was still a hint of what he knew as Hoseok. It made him vulnerable to be around the prince consort when the advisors wished to blame him for it, but he didn't care.

_You wouldn't be able to do anything without Hoseok anyway._

Suddenly Hoseok's fingers tightened around his hand, grabbing it and not letting go, before the black-haired man opened his ocean-blue eyes, staring at him in between the frequent blinks.

“H-Hoseok, you're awake! Does it- does it hurt? Are you in pain?” he stuttered, surprised by the sudden sight of Hoseok’s gorgeous eyes. His heartbeat picked up and he resisted the urge to embrace the other man, possibly hurting him with the wound in his shoulder.

_You probably held onto his hand too tightly._

There was a silent nod as the beautiful man tried to shift but looked in pain and seemed to stop his attempts. Reaching for his neck, Hoseok removed the cool pack and cleared his throat. The other man's pale neck was covered in circle shaped dark blue bruises, it looked crazy.

“A little, how are you? Is everything okay?” asked, once again squeezing his hand.

“I'm fine, I'm always fine, Hoseok. It's only you who-” Hyungwon stopped talking, suddenly noticing how his throat felt clogged and his eyes burned. It was the wrong moment, just when Hoseok had woken up and should have seen him be all strong and composed. But he never managed, not when it was those troubled ocean-blue eyes looking at him. “It's only… you who gets hurt because of me.”

“It's not because of you. I- I'm sorry that the meeting didn't work out, I have missed you so much, but then- Anyway, I'm sorry. I'm so happy that I can see you when I open my eyes.” There was a smile pulling at the curved corners of Hoseok's red mouth.

“You're crazy, you're crazy for apologizing that we couldn't meet when someone attempted to kill you, Hoseok. Someone stabbed you, choking you in the process and you're lying here, in pain, concerned about my feelings and my safety.” Hyungwon swallowed, helplessness becoming more and more prominent in his mind. “What the hell makes me so special that I need to be protected at all costs? It's the same, the same all over. First, I'm kept inside the palace to keep me safe, now it's other people being hurt to protect me as soon as I leave. I'm so tired of this, so damn tired. I want to hurt anybody who dares to touch you.”

The other man shook his head, hissing in the process as his neck probably hurt a lot, at least from what it looked like.

“It wasn't because of you, Hyungwon. It was because of me, because of what I said and how I positioned myself to the outside. I am the only one who is at fault, don't you dare think that it's because of you,” Hoseok whispered, pulling him closer by the grip on his hand.

“But you're doing it for me, to keep me safe from your parents. Don't lie to me, Hoseok, not you.” Hyungwon sighed and lifted the soft palm to his lips again, kissing it. “I know your reasons and I know why we are doing this, why you are supporting the men that are constantly trying to ruin this country. But I love you and the worst thing you can do to me is get hurt, do you understand? I don't want to be like my father, I don't want to sacrifice everything I have for this, not if it means I'm sacrificing you.”

There was silence for a few moments, before Hoseok pursed his lips, pouting a little.

“If I can keep you safe using myself then then I'll spread my arms and they can shoot me right in my fucking face, I don't care. But I need to make sure that it's clear what I'm standing for. I can't die as my parents’ supporter, it's literally the worst. The chandelier should've killed me before all of this happened.”

“Why do you keep wishing to die and leave me alone?” Hyungwon swallowed again and leaned forward, touching the other man's forehead with his own. “Must you stand against me, Hoseok? There are so many people to protect me already, can't you trust them? Can't you trust them and let me be the one to protect you this time?”

The ocean-blue eyes jumped from his lips to his nose and finally met his gaze.

“My parents tried to kill you years ago, making you a prisoner in this place. Even if I die three times it won't be enough. They told me, it was them, Hyungwon. I would charge them and have them thrown in fucking prison to rot, but I don't know a judge who would carry through.”

The words appeared to hit a wall, a blockade as he stared at the black-haired man and his ocean blue eyes. It didn't make sense, there was no way that the scars that covered the skin on his thigh and back were because of someone real, a person that existed out there and wished to hurt him. It had always been someone hypothetical, not a real human being that was capable of hurting a child.

“But- I was a child, Hoseok, why would they- no, it can't be. They must have lied to you to seem more determined,” he babbled, hands shaking at the memory and the fear that immediately took over his body. There were arms slowly circling his shoulders as the black-haired man hissed, but still embraced him.

“They need to take responsibility, I just don't know how to do it besides spreading my arms and accepting anything, if it means that I can give something back to you.”

“It wasn't you. It wasn't you, Hoseok. It was them. They're different people with different minds and different convictions, you don't have to put yourself into their schemes, not anymore.”

His voice was shaking but he wanted to be strong so badly, to be the one to calm Hoseok and protect him with the people that were on his side. There were so many developments and he wanted Hoseok to be part of them, not be opposed to them. He angled his arm carefully to brush through the silky black hair and pressed a kiss to the other man's forehead. “Can't you trust me? I will make them pay for it, I swear.”

“I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you, Hyungwon.” Hoseok bit down on his bottom lip and he saw a tear roll down the other man's pale face.

“I don't want to lose you either. So why is your word above mine?” He smiled a little, stroking over the beautiful pale cheek to brush away the tear. Hoseok was so beautiful, even if he was hurt. Beautiful beyond any other man Hyungwon had ever encountered.

“Because royalty means nothing to me and I don't listen to the king,” Hoseok whispered, mouth suddenly spreading in a bright playful smile.

Hyungwon licked over his lips at the sight, warmth spreading through his chest.

“Well, then maybe it is time for an exception.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It is. Life is all about variety,” Hoseok whispered back, littering his skin with soft kisses. “But no matter how life is, I can't have you. It's not fair.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> 

Fear was one of the most intensive and overwhelming feelings, associated with the most behavioral consequences. He had never really thought about it because he hadn’t been scared before.

_Maybe fear is there when you have something to lose._

Hoseok had a lot to lose. It would have been a lie to say that the attack didn’t change anything. It did, a lot. It was scary to die while supporting the inhumane deeds of his parents and it was scary to die without making sure that he had spent enough time with Hyungwon, showing him the world.

_You need to show him the ocean too._

It was his wish to make the other man see the different sides of the world they were living in, to create more memories and to share experiences. Together. He didn’t want to die.

_That’s why you are scared. You shouldn’t be. You can’t make well thought out decisions if you’re scared._

His wound healed quickly, he wasn’t able to climb walls, but he could walk around freely and the blue bruises on his neck had turned yellowish, fading more every day. Lucy and Yewon had been next to him during the time that he recovered, providing him with news, hugs and nagging him for walking around too much. It was nice, he felt cared for and happy that there were people besides Hyungwon, who genuinely watched over him and were interested in his fast recovery due to personal affection.

_They love you. If they do, there must be something about you, something precious, something nice. You should start loving yourself too, Hoseok._

Smiling he brushed a black lock behind his best friend’s delicate ear.

“What kind of world would you like to live in, Lucy?” he asked, pulling up his legs and wrapping both arms around them. The weather had gotten so much better, spring was right around the corner, bringing the typical fresh scent with each time the breeze passed by, making him shiver a little, but enjoying it nevertheless.

The black-haired girl crossed her legs and fixed her dress, smiling back beautifully.

“I want to live in a world where my friends don’t have to suffer and are safe to say, think and do what they desire, without having to fear persecution, discrimination or death. I also want to live in a world that enables every human to have responsibility for their own body, to have tattoos, to be thin or puffy, to have kids or to stay on their own, to be sure that consent is worth more than what the current societal norms say it is. Where kids are educated that they’re not better than anybody else on this planet and that the core of happiness is to embrace the variety and the beauty of difference, smashing the borders between countries and keeping the personal and emotional borders between individuals, making sure to treat each other with respect and dignity. Honestly? I’m hopeless.” His best friend murmured the last words, throwing her head back and looking up at the cloudy sky.

Some of the flowers had already bloomed because of the warm weather lasting for a few weeks already, the intoxicating scent kept entering his nostrils, reminding him of the first time he had entered the palace and took a walk in the garden. With Yewon.

“You have a point. I would love to live in a world like that. I want to make it true, but I can’t just want everything at once, right? I have to work on one thing and then try to change another, I can’t just make the world as I like it tomorrow.” Brushing through his hair, he watched a few birds flying from one tree to the next in a beautiful triangular formation.

“I think that it’s a mistake to think like this. It’s easy to say that society is hard to change, that politics are complex and not accessible to people like us. Bullshit, Hoseok. It’s bullshit. Just fight for what you think is right by living the way you think you should be living. It’s enough for now, the change will come, maybe it will come slow, but you can change yourself first. I know that you hate wearing those depressing clothes, while sitting at the dinner table and sinking into the ‘expensive sadness’ or whatever you call it. Don’t do it. Just wear a shirt and jeans, maybe ripped, but look up how long you have to go to jail or whether you’re able to buy yourself free for the tattoos. Give a press conference, say that your parents are doing things that are not okay, expose them, use the media coverage that you enjoy right now due to the attack and state your opinion. You have to find yourself, Hoseok. I have the feeling that you gave your bravery to Hyungwon and wait for your death behind these glass walls. This can’t be it. It’s not the Bunny I know, the Bunny I know would be running around and using his energy to create a women-friendly climate, so that your wife can use her smart brain and participate in the decisions of this state, hereby promoting variety and making this world better. Instead you’re sucking up to conservative middle-aged men, what the fuck is wrong with you, Hoseok?” Lucy chuckled and slapped his calf before standing up and curling her fingers around her hips, tilting her head to the side a little. She looked judgmental.

“Also, I am not sorry for fucking your wife.” She stuck out her tongue and turned around, laughing to herself and disappearing behind the green bushes.

There were so many things that happened and so many changes that he had to integrate into his life and pay attention to while making decisions, that he felt overwhelmed. But there was one thing that had always been a motto, whenever he was scared of something.

_You can’t be safe and free at the same time._

Hoseok had also never wished to feel safe. He wanted freedom. __  
  
_  
  


Hoseok was crazy.

Walking over the green traffic light, he pulled his black cap further into his face. It was not the same as before, he had been on national and international television, spreading racist, conservative and inhumane bullshit all over the place.

_Don’t be surprised if you get stabbed._

He still kind of wanted to live, so he made sure to not seem too conspicuous. Hoseok was wearing plain clothes, a leather jacket and a black cap that he had given Hyungwon back when they climbed over the palace walls to free themselves from the glass prison. They danced, kissed, watched movies and drank beer. The memories painted a smile on his face as he came closer to the black door on the other side of the huge villa and pulled the transponder out of the pocket of his skinny jeans. The lock slid to the side easily, allowing him entrance to the spacious kitchen. It was his favorite and most frequently used method to enter his parent’s house, especially if he didn’t want anyone to notice what the fuck he was doing in the night.

There was a break in between the service shifts, so he knew that he was alone at the villa. He knew that his parents were at the palace, attending one of the meetings of the advisory board while he was acting as if he wasn’t feeling well.

_Her office, don’t waste time._

Hoseok moved fast. The wound in his shoulder had healed almost completely and he was looking forward to the shit that was about to go down after he stole the required documents out of his parent’s house, like a thief.

_You are a thief. But they’re murder suspects, it’s worse._

His logic was the best. Chuckling at the excitement, he finally reached the brown door, typing in the complex code. His mother was careful, but he was attentive. And resentful. Definitely a good combination for remembering relevant things.

_Pay attention, Hoseok._

Inhaling sharply, he threw the door open and lay down on the carpet, crawling towards the desk, before he slid under it and opened the middle drawer on the right. There was video surveillance, his mother wasn’t stupid, but it didn’t record the floor and could only detect him if he was standing behind the desk.

Rummaging through the masses of paper, he finally found what he was searching for. Checking again to make sure, Hoseok crawled back, stuffing the file under his shirt.

_You’re fucking nuts, wow, this is some new threshold, even for you._

Definitely, he most definitely was, but he also really wanted to copy everything and give the files to different reporters that Lucy mentioned, people who had a conscience while working for big media outlets. It was very rare.

_They’re also risking a lot._

The first time he exhaled and inhaled properly, was when he had taken everything he had copied and entered the coffee shop behind the black market. The area was dangerous, especially for him, but the likelihood of meeting someone related to the royal media or the advisory board was low, so he felt safer, even though the feeling was inaccurate.

Sitting down on one of the prettily arranged metal chairs, he nodded at the woman who he recognized due to the picture on his phone. This wasn’t a game and he knew it very well, making sure beforehand to memorize the blonde woman’s face sufficiently to recognize her.

“It should be more than enough. There is even evidence that they paid someone. You won’t believe it, but my mother loves to keep invoices, you know?” He shook his head and took the small SD card out of his pocket, the card he had recorded the phone calls on, making sure to keep everything in case that he died and someone needed to charge them instead of him. “It’s important that it blows up really badly, because otherwise they will simply pay the outlets until nobody remembers. I’m relying on you, I really am. And I’m also sorry for everything I said, I will make a statement soon,” he whispered and bit down on his bottom lip. It was so weird to apologize, he had been living his life while making sure to not do anything that was worth apologizing for, but it seemed as if the last few months were ruining the balance.

_You were ruining the balance._

“I will make sure that it does. Lucy told me a lot about you, so you don’t need to apologize. I hope that your shoulder is fine. I think it’s crazy that you don’t want to search for a suspect. Why?” the low voice asked as he downed his espresso in one go.

“Ah that, because it was definitely someone from the outside, wanting to kill me because of the bullshit I was spreading on TV. I’m not saying that trying to stab a person is an appropriate reaction to news one doesn’t like, but the only thing that would’ve happened would be the palace trying to push it onto some minority and the advisory board using it to push through with draconian measures only because of the ‘extraordinary urgency’ due to the attack. I didn’t die and I hope that the person reflects, at least after I make my statement at the press conference. I hope that you’ll be there too.” Hoseok smiled brightly, showing his eyes for a few seconds, before pulling the cap lower again. “Thank you so much again, really. See you soon.” Standing up, he bowed once, watching how the woman’s pale hand took the file and let it disappear in her dark leather bag.

_You did well, Hoseok. And now you have a few hours to enjoy life._

Strolling along the river, he remembered how he and Hyungwon had walked there in the night, sharing beer and eating meatballs. The black and white stones around his wrist reminded him of the black market, of the soft touch of Hyungwon’s lips, how crazy and excited he had felt, kissing the beautiful, tall man, how fast his heart beat when he counted to three, not wanting to leave, to break contact, to return.

_But still you had to return._

It was the same now, he was outside, walking along the beautiful river towards Lucy’s apartment where he was supposed to meet Hyungwon in an hour, but in the end he had to go back. It felt wrong.

_You have to change it if it feels wrong._

How was he supposed to change that he was forced to go back to the palace if there were people who he loved? He didn’t want to leave them behind and live outside, enjoying freedom, meatballs and beer.

_What do you even want, Hoseok?_

He wanted to smash the walls of the glass castle, giving everyone freedom to come and go as they liked, to remove the pressure of rules and promoting a behavior that was characterized by gratefulness, humanity and respect for the individual, independent of rank or other discriminating features. He wanted Hyungwon to do what he wanted, he wanted Yewon to not succumb to internal pressure, but do whatever she liked. He wanted to remove the guards and the advisory board, making the palace into a place to work and not to live. Everyone should live outside, to fully understand how their decisions affect the people.

_You want a lot, don’t you?_

He did. But most of all, he wanted Hyungwon. He missed him so much. They hadn’t seen each other because of the other man’s frequent trips due to the survey and his attempts to implement a democratic voting system that was sabotaged by the advisory board. The king was busy, Hyungwon was.

_You still want him._

Hoseok sometimes wondered whether he had made it all up, his relationship to the king, being close, sharing concerns, kisses and hugs, warmth and principles. It seemed so logical to imagine being close to a beautiful man while being forced into a marriage with a woman, being held in a glass prison and not managing to do anything about it. Looking down, he watched the bracelet move around his wrist due to his fast steps, shaking and making a clicking noise as the stones hit against each other.

_It’s true._

He smiled when he opened the familiar door, running up the two flights of stairs and taking off his shoes. He still smiled when he went to the kitchen, pulling out two cans of beer and warming up the spicy chicken that Lucy had bought for them. He wanted to see Hyungwon so badly, not in the palace, not while lying wounded in his bed. He wanted to be outside with the king, to be part of making the changes they wanted to see, changes Hyungwon was working towards but he wasn't.

_You need to see it too. Him. Here. Make sure that it’s still the same._

Letting himself sink into the soft couch, he took a sip of the beer and leaned back, closing his eyes for a few moments that turned into a numbing, silent darkness.

His awareness returned through a soft brush of fingers along his jaw, following its outline and carefully pausing right below his bottom lip. There were a few audible breaths until he felt a thumb caress his lips, as if the person in front of him was fascinated by the touch alone, by the way it felt below his fingertip.

_Hyungwon. It's him._

He left his eyes closed on purpose and smiled instead, waiting for the next sensation.

The impossibly soft hand returned to his jaw. It was so soft that one might have doubted the king's nightly endeavors, climbing walls and holding onto metal statues. A brief exhale followed until plump lips met his, hot and a little moist like Hyungwon had just licked over them. The other man was smiling as weight slowly pressed down on his lap.

“I missed you,” Hyungwon murmured into the kiss, arms wrapping around his neck slowly.

“But not as much as I've missed you, Hyungwon. It's not that special anymore, right?” He opened his eyes and focused his gaze on the blonde man's beautiful face. “I mean when I say your name.”

“Hearing my name might not be special,” the king replied, smiling at him with those gorgeous red lips of his, looking even better with his natural skin tone. “But hearing your voice is, just like everything else about you. Feeling your thighs under my own is special to me, seeing you smile and rivaling the sun is special, being close to you like this is special. Somehow, everything is special when it is you. I always wondered if it would be a feeling that faded, but I don't think it is.”

The words produced a feeling of warmth in his chest, smile spreading his cheeks further and eyes turning into crescents.

“Thank you for saying that. I thought the way you talked was a little eighteenth century back then, but now I consider it so beautiful. You're really good with words.” He wrapped his arms around the other man's slim waist, feeling the material of his button down against his fingertips.

“And you are very handy, Hoseok,” Hyungwon replied and kissed him again. This time the plump mouth lingered a little longer against his, before the blonde man leaned back again.

“Is this an innuendo, your tightness? If so, then please also consider my tongue while elaborating.” Grinning, Hoseok leaned forward and caught the other man's full bottom lip with his teeth.

It was fascinating how some things needed longer to change as Hyungwon's eyes widened and his lips parted a little further than necessary. It was only a matter of time until Hoseok could easily recognize the increased color on his cheeks.

“I- meant your superb abilities at knowing how to act and how to make correct decisions, but- of course you are also particularly skilled… differently.”

_Oops._

“Sad, maybe because I consider my fingering skills to be way more superior than my decision-making skills, see the past few months for reference,” he commented and sighed, reaching forward and brushing a blonde strand behind Hyungwon's tiny, curled ear. He licked over its shell because he couldn't help it. It was really cute.

“But most of the decisions I'm making and actions I'm speaking out for, were shown to me by you. They didn't appear on their own, but rather it was your doing, Hoseok. I'm thankful, immensely thankful and I think I am speaking for a majority of the population,” Hyungwon remarked and gasped briefly, thighs pulling together a little.

“Listen, I didn't risk my life to come here for you to give me a talk on your gratitude and whatnot. I walked by the river today and remembered how I kissed you in the park. It's crazy, I feel as if it was a different person,” Hoseok murmured and leaned back against the couch, black hair spreading over the grey pillow.

“I know what you mean,” the other man replied and followed his motion. He looked thoughtful. “It seems like both of us have gone through too many changes at once, through too many decisions and separations. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if father had not died. Would the two of us still sneak out and leave the palace? Walk along the river and kiss in the shadows of the skyscrapers? I don't know, but I hope we would have.”

_And you want to see the palace burn. Figuratively._

There was a little bit of shifting as Hyungwon crawled closer and arranged his knees better on each side of Hoseok’s hips, lips brushing against each other.

“I wish I knew how to initiate, how to tell you that I want to be close to you without breaking the rules of consent. I cannot just reach out and kiss you, moan in response if I don’t know whether you want the same. No matter how much is happening around me, there is not even a day when I do not think about you.”

Hoseok cupped the other man's face with both palms, stroking over the smooth skin with his thumbs and watching the dazzling ice-blue orbs intently.

“I always want to be close to you, can't you feel it? Can't you see the way I react to you? But I- I don’t know whether you changed, whether it will be the same for you when you come back from one of your trips. What if you suddenly don't want me anymore? I can't be touching you and kissing you like this. I don't know either, Hyungwon. I'm clueless.”

There was a soft smile as the king cupped his chin and pulled him closer, kissing him intently and exhaling against his lips. It felt intimate, like there was nothing around him apart from the blonde man and the lips that brushed against his.

“Then we still feel the same, don't we? Are you afraid of my feelings towards you changing, Hoseok? You, who is the only person that I take advice from, even when you aren't next to me. I imagine what you would say, how you would react, what you might tell me. There is much more that I share with you than your touch, Hoseok. To me it seems like you have become a part of me over the months that we spent together. I love you.”

“And I love you. Sometimes it seems as if I imagined you liking me, so I have doubts. We don't see each other a lot and there are so many things happening for you that I think that you might find someone better. I just don't see my worth for you. But hearing your words makes me incredibly happy. I- do you know why I wanted to meet you here?” Hoseok looked into Hyungwon's big eyes, waiting for a reaction. “Because I wanted us to be like normal people, like a normal couple, sharing beer and eating chicken and being close without having to fear major consequences, without me having a wife and you being the king of this country. I don't want all that. I just want us to be free,” he whispered and closed his eyes for a few moments to take a deep breath.

“There is something about you that allows me to forget who I am, what I have to do, what consequences my actions have. There is nothing that I want more than to be like a normal couple with you.” Hyungwon's smile was breathtaking, pulling up his cheeks and making him seem so much younger again. “Will you teach me?”

“Teach you? What? How to be a normal couple?” he asked, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on top of Hyungwon's round nose.

“Yes, I will… politely assume that climbing through windows isn't on the list.” There was a brief chuckle as the blonde man tightened his grip around him and kissed him more intently, licking into his mouth and shifting towards him.

“I missed you so much. Your touch feels like fire, I miss it, I want you to burn me the fuck down,” Hoseok whispered, hissing at the way Hyungwon's thighs tightened around his hips and how warm the other man's tongue felt, playing with his own as he wrapped both of his arms around the slim waist.

“It's my pleasure,” was the breathy reply as long fingers settled in his black hair and pulled at the strands, accompanied by smooth rolls of Hyungwon's hips. “I found myself thinking back to what you told me when we were here and I sat on your lap. How you told me you desire to be inside of me just like that. I really want you to, Hoseok.”

“I want you, I want to make you scream again, for you to bury your nails in my skin and to show me how much you like it,” he hissed, throwing his head back and cupping Hyungwon's butt. He rolled the other man's lower body against his erection that was straining against his skinny jeans.

There was an instant moan at the touch, unrestrained and gorgeous, exactly the way it had been several months ago when Hoseok showed the blonde man proper pleasure for the first time.

Hyungwon kissed his lips and jaw, licking downwards to the transition between his neck and shoulder until he bit into the pale skin. The warm tongue soothed the spot without delay while the other man's hips rubbed over Hoseok’s groin.

“I always think about the way your hands feel on my skin, how you know the right way to touch me and how to make me lose my mind. My body shivers only thinking about what you are able to do with me, Hoseok,” the blonde man whispered, gasping in between.

“Touching you is like finally breathing fresh air after not being able to go outside. I want to feel you, all of you,” his low voice muttered as he started unbuttoning the other man's shirt, slowly uncovering the gorgeous, golden skin as he pulled it down his broad shoulders. Hoseok immediately attached his lips to one of the prominent collarbones, licking down to the small nipple and closing his lips around it.

Hyungwon moaned and threw his head back, responding as if he had never been touched before. The bud hardened in his mouth and he felt nails scratch along his clothed thighs, a sign that the blonde man was enjoying it.

“I- I tried to touch myself and thought of you but- it wasn't comparable to this, not at all,” the other babbled and chewed on his lips.

“You did? What did you think about?” he asked while his lips travelled to the other dark nipple, looking so gorgeous on the golden skin. He couldn't help the way his hips thrust forward, creating friction.

“I thought of- the time when you-” Hyungwon moaned again at the way their lower bodies met and repeated the touch on his own, rubbing against Hoseok’s hips. “Of the time when you went all the way with me. When you- were inside me. I imagined you... doing it again.”

“Did you like having your legs on my shoulders, or lying on your stomach? I need to know to make it better next time.” Fuck, he was so aroused, the continuous rubbing of Hyungwon's gorgeous butt against his groin only made it worse.

“I- liked both. I lost it when you pulled my legs higher, everything is a blur of pleasure and thought fragments. I remember feeling full and burning at the same time, like pleasure kept exploding in my groin and travelling throughout my whole body.” Another motion followed as the blonde boy threw his head back, moaning at the feeling and hiding the blush that had spread over his whole face. He looked stunning. “I liked it so much, Hoseok, I kept thinking about it. The thought of it was scary but the feeling was so good. I kept thinking that something that felt so good couldn't be forbidden. It is simply wrong to forbid such pleasures. I want it so much.”

“I can't forget the feeling of being inside you either, you're so hot and tight, fuck, and the way you contract around me is mind-blowing,” he commented and reached for Hyungwon's pants, loosening the button and pulling the zipper down. He needed a few movements to free the pretty, straight erection and to curl his fingers around it. “You're so fucking gorgeous, Holy shit.”

“I- I took a bath before coming here and-” Hyungwon gasped at the fingers around his dick and thrust a little into Hoseok’s hand, visibly impatient and desperate. The other man's mouth remained opened as he moaned, eyes fluttering shut. “Would you- be inside of me again?”

“But I still need to prepare you a little, you can't just- sit on it. Well, usually you can't.” He spread the precum with his thumb, enjoying the way it felt while watching Hyungwon intently. “Should we go to the bedroom?”

Hyungwon struggled to reply with the moans that left his plump lips without a break, adding to the shivers that passed through the long legs.

“Can I- can I sit on your fingers there? That will be preparation, won't it?”

“I will do whatever the fuck you want, but I will need lube for all of it.” He moaned at the shift of Hyungwon's firm ass, before taking off his shirt as he felt hot suddenly.

Hyungwon nodded quickly and instantly reached for his chest, fingers following the lines of black ink and brushing over his nipples repeatedly. It seemed like he couldn't get enough, not pausing for longer than a second and rolling his hips.

“Please,” he whispered and rubbed over Hoseok’s nipple again, moaning at the strokes of his erection.

_You need to get it._

“Wait for me,” he hissed before turning and pinning Hyungwon to the couch, teeth sinking into the skin of the other man's golden neck. Moaning himself, Hoseok left the gorgeous man and ran to the bedroom, getting lube and a condom and coming back quickly. Stopping in front of the couch, he watched the blonde man attentively, before tilting his head a little.

“Mind helping me to get rid of my clothes?” he asked, keeping the lube and the condom package in his hands for effect.

The other man licked over his lips, instantly revealing what he thought about that before he nodded and reached out. Long fingers dug into the waistband of Hoseok’s jeans as the blonde man pulled him closer and placed a kiss to his abdomen. Hyungwon's fingers were careful as he undid the button and pulled down the zipper, freeing Hoseok’s erection. There was a brief moment of hesitation until the gorgeous man placed a kiss on the wet tip and slipped Hoseok’s jeans down, fabric pooling on the ground.

Throwing the stuff on the couch, Hoseok kneeled down and helped Hyungwon out of his pants, leaving the black shirt pooling at his elbows. It looked hot, so fucking hot.

He sat down and spread his legs, exhaling sharply.

“Come here,” he whispered.

“There is something about you ordering me around that-” There was a pause as the gorgeous man held onto his shoulders and climbed on his lap, smooth thighs rubbing over his own. “That makes me want to obey.”

“I just want you, I don't care if you're the king or not, I want you so badly.” His dick twitched under Hyungwon's ass as the other man lifted his hips and he lubed up his fingers, circling them around his entrance slowly. He watched the blonde man's face, before grabbing his hair and clashing their lips together, licking into his mouth hungrily.

A moan was muffled by their kiss as Hyungwon shifted a little, almost like he wanted Hoseok to hurry up and enter him already. Arms were curling around his neck and pulling him close and he felt Hyungwon's erection twitch against his stomach.

“Please, I'll be fine,” he muttered and whimpered briefly before pushing his hips down on his own, hinting at Hoseok to go ahead. “I want to lose my mind because of you, scream your name.”

He complied, pushed two fingers inside the incredibly tight body and licked further into Hyungwon's mouth, until he found the spot and pressed down on it.

The sounds that left the man on his lap were mesmerizing, echoing off the walls and only increasing as Hyungwon lifted his hips on his own and sank them back down, moaning in his face.

“Oh my god, Hoseok- this feels so good,” he muttered and repeated the motion again, shivers passing through his long legs. “Please, more.”

_Holy shit._

It seemed as if both of them were starving, finally able to get what they wanted. He slid three fingers inside Hyungwon, rubbing against the spot and biting into the golden skin from the sweet torment of not getting any friction and dying at the arousal spreading even further without being touched.

“I beg you, please tell me that we will be on our own for a while, I couldn't care less about rules now, I only want to feel you,” Hyungwon babbled and met the motion of his wrist, almost fucking himself on Hoseok’s fingers with how quickly he took over and sped up the rhythm on his own. “Shit, please, I need you.”

“I'm yours today, only yours,” he whispered and removed his hand from under the king's body. Grabbing the condom from the couch, he ripped the package open and rolled it over his length, spreading lube over it.

“Do you want to sit on it, Hyungwon?”

There was a determined nod as the blonde man licked over his lips and rose, just enough to position himself above Hoseok’s erection.

“My body seems so slim in comparison, but I already know that it's possible and how- how fucking good it feels. Is this- okay?” Hyungwon was almost gasping, erection twitching repeatedly in anticipation and nails almost painfully holding onto Hoseok’s thighs.

“Yes, but be patient so that it doesn't hurt you,” he whispered, sucking in a breath and preparing for the incredible tightness.

Again, there was a nod as long fingers curled around the base of his length and held it straight while the gorgeous blonde man eased himself down, stopping for a few seconds as soon as the tip was prodding his entrance.

“I'm shaking so much,” Hyungwon whispered and applied more pressure, easing the broad tip into his tight body. It felt like entering a volcano, hot and ablaze while Hyungwon panted helplessly. “Oh my god, I almost forgot how- oh god, Hoseok.”

He was breathing heavily too, tongue licking over his dry lips repeatedly and erection twitching against Hyungwon's entrance, he couldn't help it.

“Shh, breathe properly and try to relax. Wait, let me hold it and you can hang onto my shoulders,” he commented and curled his fingers around his length, keeping it straight.

Hyungwon nodded slowly and let his eyes flutter shut while his hands instantly settled on Hoseok’s shoulders, holding on tightly. A few moments filled with heavy breaths passed until the blonde man moved again, sliding down all the way until their thighs touched.

“Holy shit,“ Hyungwon cursed and contracted around Hoseok’s dick, eyes wide.

“Fuck. You feel like heaven, a heaven that is choking me and I'm saying thank you. You're dazzling, everything I've ever wanted, shit,” he babbled, overwhelmed by the feeling of being inside Hyungwon again, being close after such a long time. The only thing he was feeling was him.

_Him only._

 

***

 

It was overwhelming how deprived he could feel, deprived of a person instead of basic needs like food, drink and sleep. Hyungwon had never known how important a single person could become, more important than air itself. He was only just able to bear it, to move through life and his responsibilities without seeing the beautiful black-haired man that owned every thought in his mind. It was frustrating, painful even to know that Hoseok was hurt, injured and in need of care, but Hyungwon wasn’t able to be the one to provide it.

_But you can be the one who makes living more bearable as soon as he recovers._

It was one of his main goals, the major reason for working so much, going to meetings, speaking in front of the people and presenting the results of his survey publicly. There was so much to do still and it felt like every moment that he was on his own and not with the black-haired man was wasted. He had to use every millisecond to make life better for Hoseok, for Hoseok and everybody he cared about.

_It feels like you live next to each other instead of with each other, minding your own business until you are finally allowed to be together again._

It had felt just like the first time, walking along the path to Lucy’s house, knowing that the black-haired man was waiting for him. Hyungwon wasn’t too sure about what was waiting for him, whether Hoseok had anything to tell him or to share, but he merely wished to be close. He yearned to have those muscular arms around his body and warm, healthy breaths on his neck. He still woke up sometimes, in the middle of the night and had to look at his hands with the fear that they would be covered in Hoseok’s blood and all help was too late. It seemed like those memories liked to accumulate in his mind against his will.

He hadn’t known how much time they had until Lucy’s return. She was going to take care of Yewon and attend an official meeting with her, one that he had decided to send the princess to instead of himself.

_She needs the opportunity to speak too. There is only so much you can do on your own._

As soon as he had seen the black-haired man resting on the couch, eyes closed and body relaxed, the same yearning that threatened to eat him up whenever their eyes met returned full force. There was nothing that Hyungwon needed more than Hoseok, healthy and able to look him in the eye, storm apparent with how beautifully the various shades of blue mixed within them. Had Hyungwon been able to paint, he would have done it.

_You have to ask a painter, let him be the first member of the royal family to be painted that is neither a monarch, or a queen._

Hoseok had the ability to make him feel at ease, to make him feel confident in what he was doing and what he thought. Away from the black-haired man he might have doubted their feelings, the yearning they constantly felt and what it really meant. But as soon as he was right in front of the other man it was obvious, perfectly comprehensible and impossible to deny. He was in love, hopelessly and utterly in love with another man that was married to his sister.

But at that moment, thighs contracting at the pleasure that soared through his body and the fullness that occupied every inch of his mind, none of that mattered. There was only Hoseok, his gorgeous blue eyes that watched him and the way it felt to be close, connected like that.

“This feels so intense, Hoseok, like all of my perceptions were only waiting for this moment to focus on the way you feel inside of me,” he muttered and shifted his legs. The motion readjusted the way the black-haired man filled him out and he moaned, overwhelmed by the sudden spark of pleasure that passed through his body and turned his vision white. His hands were firmly attached to pale shoulders, pressing into the soft skin. It felt strange to be the one in control, to watch the way his body made the other man feel. Hyungwon wanted to bless Hoseok like that every day, every second if it meant to see the rosy color on the other man’s cheeks and the quick breaths that passed through his curved lips.

“I want you to burn me to the ground, until there's nothing left, do it,” Hoseok whispered, curling his fingers around Hyungwon's flexed thighs, lips parting in a loud exhale.

Hyungwon hissed and forced his thighs to contract and lift him up, slowly allowing the other man’s erection to slip out of his body, all the way until he only felt the tip against his entrance.

“Like this?” he whispered and slowly sank down again, biting his bottom lip to not make too much noise and hoping that the pleasure from before would drown him within the next few seconds. It felt so good, indescribable.

Hoseok grabbed his behind and rolled his body forwards in a smooth movement, thrusting up at the same time and moaning loudly.

It felt like somebody had poured oil over him and thrown a lit match, setting him ablaze in a matter of seconds as pleasure replaced the blood in his veins and he moaned loudly, falling forward a little bit. It felt amazing and extinguished the light burn of friction immediately. It became irrelevant and Hyungwon wanted nothing more but to repeat it again. So he did, pulling his body up and moving down a little quicker, moaning loudly as soon as Hoseok hit the sensitive spot inside of him, clouding his senses.

“I feel like I am the match and- you are the fire, it’s the other way around,” he mumbled and rolled his hips a little, enjoying how it felt to be filled up. He could feel every bit, buried inside his body.

“You feel so good, Hyungwon, fuck,” Hoseok groaned and thrust up during his next movement, burying himself deeper and leaning forward to attach his curved lips to his neck.

“Shit,” Hyungwon cursed and couldn’t help the loud pants that passed his lips, followed by moans and shivers that he attempted to overcome by continuing his motions. He lifted up quicker and sank down rapidly, a little dizzy from how good it felt to have Hoseok inside of him. “It feels amazing, Hoseok. Can I- speed up?”

“Yes, please, fuck me up,” the black-haired man moaned and sunk his teeth into his shoulder, licking over the spot immediately.

Hyungwon followed through, moaning loudly and sliding up and down. His legs were trembling but it wasn’t enough to slow him down. Every time he sunk down on the black-haired man’s erection, he felt like he was losing his senses, scratching over Hoseok’s shoulders and begging incoherently. He didn’t really know what he was begging for, but it must have been more proximity and more of the intoxicating feeling that spread through his veins instead of blood.

“More, I want more,” he whispered and slammed his hips down, gasping at how good it felt. He didn’t even care about the friction anymore, he only wanted to feel more and drown in the way Hoseok set him on fire. “Please, Hoseok.”

“Let me make you scream, your majesty,” Hoseok's low voice sounded next to his ear as the strong hands lifted him from the other man's warm lap.

It felt strange to hear his title in their situation, the way Hoseok filled him out and offered to make him lose his senses with pleasure. But he loved it, he loved it so much that he was barely able to keep his eyes open.

“Would you kneel in front of the couch for me?” the black-haired man asked, licking over his lips. Hyungwon nodded softly and crawled down, placing his knees on Lucy’s fuzzy carpet. It felt nice against his skin, better than cold marble floors or equally uncomfortable parquet. He placed his hands on the couch, stroking over the material while he stared at the black-haired man, waiting for what was about to happen next. His lower body was throbbing, making him yearn for the pleasure to return.

“Hold on tightly,” Hoseok whispered, moving behind him, hot palms stroking over his back, down to his waist, before cupping his behind and squeezing it. “I love your body, fuck my life,” the black-haired man murmured and he felt the lubed-up tip push against his entrance.

Hyungwon dug his nails into the couch and held his breath, enjoying the feeling of being filled again.

“I like it so much,” he murmured and attempted to keep his hips still. “I want you to push against that spot again, it feels so good, Hoseok, please.”

He couldn't stop talking, excitement adding to the urge to just push back and have the black-haired man buried inside of him.

“I will, I'll make you scream and I'll give you everything you like,” Hoseok hissed, burying himself deep inside his body and moaning at the feeling. “Ready?” the other man whispered into his ear, hovering over him.

Hyungwon nodded, exhaling roughly and shivering in anticipation. It felt like everything else was irrelevant as long as he was next to the other man, forgetting that he was the king and had responsibilities to fulfil. Forgetting what society considered right and wrong.

Hoseok moved back almost completely before slamming his hips into him roughly, thick length filling him out completely and strong fingers pulling his hair with each movement. It felt crazy, so crazy that he couldn't contain himself, screaming loudly and scratching over the surface of the couch. The combination of pleasure and the pulls on his hair was perfect, fueling the familiar sensation of release that he experienced so rarely.

Hyungwon was barely able to keep his head up, going along with the pulls and screaming particularly loudly whenever his vision blurred over and turned white.

“You make me go crazy, Hyungwon, fuck,” the other man murmured as he picked up the pace, one hand curling around his length and stroking him along with the thrusts. “Would you come for me?”

There was no need for the question as Hyungwon was painfully close, vision turning white and hands digging into the fabric of the couch mercilessly. His moans echoed through the room as he nodded desperately and whimpered when Hoseok shifted a little and hit dead on again. The combination was too much, robbing him of any sensation apart from the pleasure and throwing him over the edge as he orgasmed into Hoseok’s hand. His body was shaking from ecstasy and his mouth was opened.

“Holy shit, Hoseok- oh my god,” he muttered, blinking to return his perceptions and awareness.

“Let me feel you a little more,” the black-haired man whispered and moved inside him sensually, before burying himself as deep as he could, thigh muscles flexing against his behind as the other man's length twitched inside him repeatedly while Hoseok leaned against his back, sweat dropping on top of his skin.

Hyungwon loved that moment, the few seconds when he could tell that Hoseok reached his high, moaning loudly and pulling his hips closer unconsciously.

“I've always thought that men are meant to be with women, but life is so much more complicated than that,” he whispered and reached behind himself to stroke over Hoseok’s thigh. It felt strange to not see him, but their bodies were perfectly aligned, chest to back and thighs meeting thighs.

“It is. Life is all about variety,” Hoseok whispered back, littering his skin with soft kisses. “But no matter how life is, I can't have you. It's not fair.”

_He's right._

“But- don't you have me now, Hoseok? Right this instant?” he whispered and pushed back, making sure their bodies were as close as possible. “You're the only man I allow to be close to me.”

“It- I know it and you are gifting me something that I consider extremely valuable, but we will have to leave. There is always the state we have to return to, you know?” The other man’s voice was barely a whisper as he placed a soft kiss against his earlobe before moving back and slipping out of him. There were steps and he felt Hoseok’s hands wiping him clean with wet tissues.

“But it will be over someday, won't it? Eventually we will be able to be at peace as soon as the system is changed and we can be sure your parents won't pull anything disastrous. It's only a matter of time.” He was persuasive, the way his voice always sounded when he wanted to convince somebody.

_But do you believe it yourself?_

He didn't know. He simply hoped that it wouldn't take as long as it felt, draining his strength and suffering from the opposition that Hoseok’s parents had created.

“Then it will only be you and me, just like you imagined, Hoseok.”

“That sounds really nice,” Hoseok said, turning him around and curling his muscular arms around his waist while still kneeling on the carpet across from him. “I really love you, Hyungwon.”

“I love you too, which is why I wish we could be together more often. It seems like we cannot even be friends like this, meeting peacefully without suspicion.” Hyungwon swallowed and curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck, pulling him closer. The touch of warm lips against his was calming, like it made the worries and fears disappear. He wanted it to always be like that, just the two of them without repercussions. “I want to be with you.”

“I fear that there are limits to what a king can do,” Hoseok whispered against his lips, hot air hitting his skin and warm fingers curling around his sides affectionately.

“I know.” It sounded final, like there was nothing that they could do about that, nothing at all.

_You can't change the people that quickly, it will remain abhorrent._

He held on tighter and curled his long legs around Hoseok’s hips, hoping to extend the time they were together. Hyungwon didn't want it to end.

“I've been thinking… of getting a tattoo,” he muttered eventually, eyes following the gorgeous ink on Hoseok’s pale skin. “But it wouldn't be as beautiful as it is for you. The contrast wouldn't be as extreme. I wish I could watch your body all day, follow the patterns with my tongue.”

“You’re nuts.” Hoseok bit into the sensitive skin of his neck, licking over the spot right after. “It’s illegal.”

“I know, but maybe I'll make it legal. Eventually.” Hyungwon chuckled and licked over the black-haired man's lips. “Since when are you the one telling me not to do something because it is ‘illegal’? What happened to ‘I-don't-give-a-fuck-Hoseok’?”

It felt unfamiliar to say the inappropriate words, but Hyungwon pretended that cursing was his second nature by now. He was good at pretending. They also didn't sound as bad anymore somehow.

“Since you’re the only one who can save me. I’m not scared, not anymore. You should know that tomorrow will be crazy and you shouldn’t be thinking about tattoos now. I hope that you know a loyal judge.” The other man seemed lost in thought, chewing on his lips while the ocean-blue eyes kept staring at him.

“A judge?” Hyungwon's eyes widened immediately as he thought about all possible scenarios that might require a judge. None of them were positive. “What have you done, Hoseok? Will you be arrested? Don't do this to me!” He tightened his hold and wrapped his limbs as tightly a possible around the other man, childishly believing that could stop the law.

“I might be arrested, but not tomorrow. I hope that somebody else will be arrested. I worked hard for this, so it’s important that it’s a loyal judge. You have to be absolutely sure because I’m positive that it’s my only opportunity.” The black-haired man tightened his embrace in response, stroking over his blonde hair and placing soft kisses along the shell of his ear.

“Someone loyal or somebody who fears for their life?” Hyungwon asked, heart beating furiously and not because of the bodily exertion he experienced. There were only two people that he could imagine the black-haired man would go against. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yes. It’s too late anyway. I handed everything to the reporters, so the only thing I can do is hope that it turns out well. I need to be sure that there will be proper prosecution.” Hoseok’s voice was low, determined, just like his ocean-blue eyes, showing the storm that Hyungwon loved so much.

“Have I ever told you that your eyes resemble the sea? Even though I have never seen it I'm convinced that it would look just like the color of your eyes.” He sighed and stroked over Hoseok’s back and shoulders, enjoying the remaining closeness. “It seems like your personality is similar. You never tell me what you are planning, you only do it and I have to bear it if you end up getting hurt. Isn't that a little reckless, dear prince consort?”

“You knew who you were dealing with from the first time that I told you to go fuck yourself, that one time that I undressed in front of you, knowing that my tattoos are illegal, and the time that I took the poison to delay my parent’s plan. You know me. I will show you the sea, I promise, Hyungwon. After all of this is over. Some day.” The curved lips spread in a soft smile before Hoseok leaned in and pressed a kiss on his forehead.

“I would love to, Hoseok. I am genuinely wondering if I have a strange affinity towards stupidity and recklessness in a very potent mixture.” He grinned and wiggled his eyebrow. He had learned it from Lucy as a sign for something that actually meant something else. The explanation had been complex but he hoped that he understood the meaning. “When are the two girls coming back? I would rather not be indecent.”

“They’re not coming until tomorrow. But we have to go at some point. Furthermore, I might be crazy, but I’m definitely not stupid, watch me.”

_He's not stupid but secretive, only telling you decisions when they are already made._

Hyungwon smiled and nodded, attempting to stand up and ignore the light throbbing in his backside.

“Will you take a walk with me until I am forced to call the driver? Please return with me today, Hoseok. I don't want to play your enemy, not after being this close.” He swallowed. “I still feel you.”

There was a beautiful smile as Hoseok let his pale fingers dance over his shoulders slowly, gently stroking over his collarbones and cupping his face as a finish.

“I won’t play your enemy anymore, Hyungwon. I promise. I think I’ve found myself again.”

The words were simple but the meaning they carried was not, showing in the smooth features of Hoseok’s face, the way his shoulders weren't tensed anymore, how his expression wasn't sullen and the way his gorgeous smile remained for longer than usual.

“I found myself the day I met you, Hoseok. I believe that you are my second half.”

Hyungwon couldn't wait for the day when they wouldn't be separated anymore.

 

_

 

 

Hoseok was crazy, utterly crazy.

Hyungwon was woken by incessant complaints and advisors wishing to see him ‘immediately’, daring to insist on an audience despite his guards keeping those money obsessed men away from him. He wasn't quite sure what he had expected when Hoseok pointed out his plan to get his parents arrested, but it definitely wasn't an eight-page newspaper article on their attempts to overthrow the royal family and to kill the current king.

Him, to kill him.

“This is the common people staging a coup d'état, your majesty. It is a setup, there is no way such actions would have gone through unnoticed!” the advisor of internal affairs argued, supported by loud hums and incisive nodding. It was almost amusing, had it not been so impossibly sad that even when the crimes of the Lee family were written down in the biggest newspaper there is, there were still all those influential people supporting them.

_All of them want you dead, Hyungwon. They wouldn't even blink an eye._

His eyes passed to Hoseok who had remained quiet until now. He must have also been woken up early.

_He's the only one on your side._

Hyungwon hummed and turned to the next page, examining the copies of notes and the amount of money paid to the assassin that had given him his scars.

“I see, I would agree with you, if it hadn’t been noticed. This appears pretty straightforward to me. I am a very avid believer in the ‘innocent until proven guilty’ policy, but I fear that there is no innocence remaining in these papers.” Hyungwon swallowed to defeat the memories that threatened to return to his mind, filled with pain and fear. “I will appoint an investigation team that will work through the documents found by the media. The judge will also be chosen by me. Is that understood?”

He stared at the men surrounding him. Most were fumbling with their hands, visibly scared by the outcome. Of course, they were terrified of being associated with the Lee’s, of losing their job in addition to their influence. It was naive.

_Because they are going to lose it independent of the investigation._

Time passed as most of them turned towards Hoseok, expecting a 19-year-old to solve their problems. They must have believed that he would speak out for them, protect his family.

Hyungwon really hoped that he wouldn't, heartbeat picking up the longer Hoseok remained silent.

“As someone who believes in our lawyers and judges, I strongly recommend an independent investigation. As I am biased in this case, I will trust the king to find the right way to deal with this problem.” Hoseok spoke calmly and nodded at him.

Hyungwon barely contained his smile as relief washed over him like a waterfall. At least that was how he imagined a waterfall to feel, beginning at his head and washing away the pressure before passing through the rest of his body in a calm wave.

“Then it is settled. You are dismissed. I hope you reflect on the need to wake me before our usual meeting hour for something that is my sole responsibility.” Hyungwon folded the newspaper and placed it on top of the table. As soon as most of the advisors including Hoseok stood up and were about to leave the room he looked up again. “Do you have a minute to spare, prince consort? I fear this concerns you more than the others.”

“Why certainly, your majesty.” Hoseok bowed and sat down on his chair, waiting for the advisors to leave.

Hyungwon smiled and asked the guards to leave. He had made sure to be the one in control of the recording devices several weeks ago. It had been quite a surprise to listen to Hoseok’s superior acting skills.

“Have you thought this through, Hoseok? Them being arrested won't have zero effect on you. It might ruin your image even further, even if it is revealed that you're the one who sent in the evidence. Your wealth will be taken away, status, a lot of things.”

“Sad,” the black-haired man commented and smiled, not fitting to his reply. “First of all, their wealth will go to me, I looked it up. It’s good because I can finally shut down the stupid armories. Second, well, it will have effects, everything does, and I don’t care about my status as long as you don’t.” Hoseok winked at him, wiggling his right eyebrow right after.

“I definitely don’t care about your status, but-” Hyungwon paused, worried that Hoseok underestimated what it really meant. “You remain the prince consort, no matter what you do, but I am concerned about what people will think of you. I do not want you to suffer because of others’ ignorance. I want you to be happy.”

_Preferably with you._

“Hoseok, it’s not only about wealth. By closing down armories you are taking away people’s jobs. Do you have something alternative in mind? It is difficult to just overthrow everything and expect it to work on its own.”

“How about a proper social system? Then people don't have to make weapons. Anyway, I have to plan when I'm going to jail. Do you have a suggestion? When would be good? My press conference is in four days, I thought it would be nice right after.” Hoseok smiled, tilting his head and cupping his face with both palms. “Ah, it's hard to decide.”

“What?” Hyungwon couldn’t help the way his eyes instantly widened and he reached out to curl his fingers around Hoseok’s wrist. Almost as if the other man was about to leave that instant, just disappear and not reappear for several years. The thought was terrifying. “You’re not going to jail. No way. I’m not letting you go.”

“You will, because your laws force you to. But it's only a month I think, so it should be fine.” The other man must've been joking, but his face looked serious.

“Are you joking, Hoseok? ‘Only’ a month? It doesn't matter to me for how long it is. You are not somebody who belongs in prison, not at all. Is it because of the tattoos? Why do you want to show people?” Hyungwon didn’t understand, not at all. Why did Hoseok want to be arrested like that? To be hurt for a whole month. It was difficult to bear the thought of not having the black-haired man close. “What am I supposed to do without you? I don’t want you to go, I need you.”

“I want to show them, because I don't want them to be scared, but I will also take responsibility, after saying that this law is shit. You can visit me. You're the king, duh.” A soft smile spread the pretty, pale cheeks, not quite reaching the stormy ocean-blue eyes.

“Don’t lie to me. You are scared, I know that you are. Is the people not being scared worth this? Can I not change the law differently?” His lips were trembling, even though he didn’t want them to. Hyungwon tightened his grip on the pale wrist and pulled it closer towards himself, yearning for closeness that he couldn’t have.

“You have to keep doing your thing, Hyungwon. Don't mind this, I'm overcompensating well and I survived worse things. I want to do this for myself, I want to be myself and not hide behind a facade every day, asking myself whether there's anything left. I love you,” the black-haired man whispered and took his hand, placing a kiss on top of it. “We can't be scared, you and me.”

“I love you too. There aren’t many things that scare me. There is only death and losing you and you are arranging the second on a plate for me to swallow. I can’t eat that much, Hoseok. I- I am only able to do my thing because you are here, supporting me quietly. I won’t be able to do anything when you are in prison, I can’t even kiss you when I visit because there is surveillance everywhere.” Hyungwon sighed and moved his pointlessly decorated chair closer, resting his head on Hoseok’s palm. It was warm and pleasant and allowed him to forget what was happening for a little while. “I will be lonely and you won’t be there to hug me anymore, to help me bear it. Who will hug you? You need it too and I won’t be there.”

“I'll hug the metal bars. I hope that it will be a push for the authorities and you to abandon the law. You're strong, Hyungwon. You can do it all. I know it.” He felt Hoseok's fingers stroke over his hair gently and with so much affection. “You're the best king we ever had.”

“Maybe one should rather punish bad humor than tattoos,” Hyungwon murmured and placed a kiss to the soft palm. He was going to miss it. “Can you warn me at least before you leave me for a whole month? Then I will plan official visits to show that I approve of what you have done.”

“Four days,” Hoseok whispered and leaned forward, kissing his lips for a few seconds, before breaking the contact.

It was too short. It was way too short to have enough time to enjoy the black-haired man’s presence before he left. It was not enough to remember everything and conjure it in front of his inner eye whenever he felt lonely.

_But it is his decision and you have to support him, Hyungwon. You cannot decide for everybody, that’s what you are working for._

“I understand,” he whispered in reply and lifted his head, controlling his facial expressions into pleasant neutrality. He had to, he was the king after all. “I hope I will have accomplished something when you return, Hoseok.”

“I'm sure of this.” The beautiful man lifted his right hand and shook his wrist, creating a clicking noise, due to the stones of his bracelet hitting against each other. “I will miss you.”

Hyungwon really wished that he could create a world that did not require separations like these. A place where Hoseok was able to have ink below his skin, Lucy was able to have her gorgeous skin color without any repercussions and the black-haired man in front of him could be his, by will and by the unquenchable desire to be with him.

Maybe that was the reason people had dreams.

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you were in prison, he would've already cosplayed an iron bar and came over, just to see your face once. I'd slap you, but I don't think that it will change anything, so I won't,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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Why was it so hard to choose between one’s own happiness and the wellbeing of others? Was it okay to be selfish, to run away from responsibility, from opportunities to do something right, only because the personal consequences were negative?

_You can, of course you can, but it’s just not who you are, you wouldn’t be able to breathe._

Hoseok had thought about it for a long time, imagining the consequences, being alone in a small cell for a month, not talking to anybody, being only allowed to see someone twice a week, visits that he had to split between Lucy, Yewon and Hyungwon. The blonde man was right, he didn’t really know what it meant. It was fucking scary, so incredibly scary. He was so afraid that he didn’t have the energy to be satisfied about his parents being taken into custody after Hyungwon had pushed every button there was.

_He won’t be able to push any more. Not for you. Don’t even think about it._

Instead of the press conference, Hoseok had decided to do a private interview that was already recorded and about to be published in three of the four biggest newspapers and use another platform to be heard and seen instead.

_If he doesn’t know, he won’t be able to endanger himself._

Smiling into the mirror, he saw how his hands shook at his sides. He felt so indescribably lonely. Lonely and scared.

_In the end you’re still the same scared, pale, blue-eyed kid, aren’t you?_

He didn’t want to be, he thought that he had overcome the fear, got stronger, knew better, was ready to risk everything. He was, he really was, it only seemed too much suddenly.

_Go to him. You won’t be able to, after tomorrow._

Clenching his hands into fists, Hoseok stepped out in his silk pajamas and told the guards to stay where they were because he wanted to be alone and walked towards the main staircase. The palace had changed so much since Hyungwon had become king. There was less security and one was able to take walks at night, without being scared that it would start rumors. The personnel was exchanged slowly but steadily, young, skillful people replaced the older conservative generation and made the life in the palace a little more bearable.

He took the longer way, strolling over the expensive carpets on the outer side of the building, glass walls surrounding him and allowing him to see the beautiful night sky filled with stars. It looked truly beautiful and made his worries appear insignificant.

_You’re just stardust, Hoseok._

He was, thinking that he would be able to change anything after coming into the palace, only because he had a revolutionary mindset and criticized the system. In the end he was nothing more than a hypocrite, living with money and wealth, marrying, even though he was gay, meeting the king secretly because it was the only person that made him feel alive and acting like a conservative son of rich parents who was trying to take over the throne. He did nothing besides proving that he was nothing.

_Could have just died while taking the poison, or getting stabbed._

Hoseok knew that it was strange to think of death as something less scary than jail, but it seemed so to him. Death was like the end of everything, he wouldn’t be able to feel, to be sad or to think about others. He would simply stop existing, whereas being in custody was something unknown, something he had to suffer from, to deal with and to accept as a result and consequence of his behavior.

_You thought you were a crack in this glass castle, but you ended up being the stupid facade, keeping everything stable._

Suddenly he understood. It became clear why he was so scared to do what he planned on doing. It wasn’t about him, his behavior affected everybody around him, people he loved, Hyungwon, Yewon, Lucy, all of them. They would all suffer and be forced to bear the consequences resulting from his actions. It was easy when it was only about him, about his safety, his life, his preferences, his body. But how could he do something that cut into the lives of others this much?

_You have to._

Sighing, he slipped past the guards carefully and entered the room that connected the kings wing to his bedchambers, walking through until he finally reached the heavy wooden door and glanced through the keyhole, making sure that nobody was in the room. Sucking in a long breath, he opened the door quietly and stepped into the expensively decorated room. His eyes settled on Hyungwon who was sitting at his desk, dressed in nothing but a light, white robe that covered his shoulders. Hoseok had never seen him in as little clothing as that without the explicit request to undress.

The king was writing something, right hand fluently passing over a white sheet of paper and staining it with black ink, lines over lines, without following the usual pattern of left to right. Only when Hoseok stepped a little closer did it become obvious that it wasn't a letter, it was a drawing. The blonde man was drawing his tattoos, the patterns that covered his pale skin.

“What are you doing?” he asked, letting his hands rest on the other man's broad shoulders.

Hyungwon jerked, free hand instantly pulling the robe tighter around his waist. Only when his eyes stopped on Hoseok did he relax, breaths leaving his body quickly.

“I was-” The king glanced at his white sheet of paper, covered with black geometric lines and a single black drop at the edge. It was the result of the sudden motion of his body after seeing Hoseok. “I was trying to draw the ink that covers your skin. But I wasn't able to do it justice.”

“Why? Because I'll be gone tomorrow?” His voice sounded strange and his insides felt strange. It was stupid but it felt as if he was saying goodbye, not knowing whether he was able to come back.

Hyungwon didn't answer but his expression changed, lips trembling slightly and hand letting go of the pen he was holding. The blonde man looked desolate when his eyes focused on him and seemed a little wetter than only a moment ago, as if Hoseok had returned all the devastation Hyungwon must have felt at the prospect of his departure.

The sight broke down the wall he was desperately trying to keep between himself and the blonde man, to not seem weak, to not make it worse. The first tear fell down, just like he sank to his knees, burying his face in his palms. It was devastating, but he wasn't able to contain his emotional response, body shaking uncontrollably.

“Please just tell me that you don't want me, something, anything so it doesn't hurt this much, fuck,” he muttered through the tears, not daring to look up and crying like a baby.

“I don't lie, Hoseok, and you know it,” Hyungwon whispered and reached out, pulling him closer so that he was lying on the king's lap, long fingers brushing through his black hair. “There is nobody I want more than you, but if this is what you decided on, then I am going to support you. I promise.”

“No, don't,” he whimpered, sniffing and staining Hyungwon's robe with his tears. “I'm- I'm so scared because it does not only affect me. I have no idea whether it will work out and if I think about not being able to see you- I just want to die. It feels worse than dying.”

“I have always believed that public embarrassment, physical pain and loneliness were the worst things to experience. But I don't think that anymore, not since I met you. I feel that the most painful experience is being pulled away from what matters to you.” Hyungwon inhaled loudly and continued to stroke through his hair. “You worry about me, but the one who will feel lonely is you. Why can't you think about yourself for once, about your own emotions and how much you can take? I have already done everything in my power to ease the departure for you. You are royal family, they won’t treat you badly, even if you have committed a crime in their eyes.”

“I think about myself. You don't understand, you infiltrated me, you're part of me, like those black lines on my skin. No matter where I go or what I think or do, you're there, in my thoughts, my actions. I have the feeling I can only exist if there's you. I feel helpless, as if I can't do anything, as if it doesn't matter what I do. I can't have the one thing I really want.” His shoulders kept shaking uncontrollably, and the stream of tears didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon, it was embarrassing and weak, but that's who he was.

“Shh, don't cry, Hoseok,” Hyungwon whispered, embracing him as much as he was able to and continuously stroking over his back. “Are you attempting to defeat me at romanticism by using my own weapon? I told you that it is the same for me, that I take your words and opinions with me and use them to answer questions, give speeches and make decisions. You are my second half and I don't think that will change with your departure. I will be only half of myself for a month, but at least I will know where you are and that you will return to me. I love you, Hoseok, I can't let you go if you are this devastated. I'm weak for you, I always was.”

“Weak is my status quo, don't you see? I thought I was over this, over feeling helpless and over wanting things but not getting them, over being used as some tool, but it seems as if it stays like this forever. And I don't want nice treatment, I want the same treatment that a normal citizen would get. This is not the reason for being scared. I'm scared because I have the feeling that I'll go crazy without you. I am crazy already, can't you see?” Curling his arms around Hyungwon's waist, he closed his eyes for a few seconds and sucked in a long breath to calm down, but the stupid tears just kept streaming down his cheeks, betraying him.

“You are wrong, dear prince consort,” Hyungwon replied with a smile. They were the same words he used during meetings when he wished to reprimand him for speaking out against him. “You are the last person I would consider weak. You were the one who tried to look for solutions as soon as you entered the palace, dared to break protocol, speak out against me, reveal your weaknesses. I could have hurt you, but you only invited me to do so, to prove to you that I was just like everybody else. You've always been revolutionary and you still are, Hoseok. I am proud of you and I am proud to be able to call myself the person you love. I wish to become someone who is worthy of that affection.”

_It's because you didn't care who or what hurt you, the chandelier, some royal, putting you behind bars or an assassin stabbing you._

“Can you hold me tonight?” he asked, voice barely a whisper, as he leaned back, tears drawing wet lines on his face and neck, creating darker spots on Hyungwon's gown and shimmering on the other man's golden skin.

“Of course, Hoseok.” Hyungwon smiled and leaned in, kissing him softly before he stood up and held his big hand for Hoseok to grasp and lift up on his feet. The emotions returned to the blonde man's face, as if he was holding them back for him. “Will you...undress for me? Allow me to see the real patterns one more time?”

_It's the least you can do. Show yourself in your most vulnerable state. He's the only one who's allowed to see._

He nodded, fingers immediately reaching for the small golden buttons of his silk pajama top, loosening them one by one before sliding the fabric down his shoulders. Grabbing the waistband of his pants, he easily pulled them down his hips and stepped out of the rest of the clothes, remaining completely naked.

“I envy your confidence,” Hyungwon whispered as a light blush spread over his cheeks and his fingers held onto the fabric of his robe.

“Don't you want to come to me?” he asked hesitantly, watching the beautiful blonde man who owned his thoughts and emotions.

There was a brief nod as Hyungwon bit down on his bottom lip and stepped closer. There were a few marks of ink on his hands that he kept at his chest, holding his robe closed. Only a few centimeters separated their faces and each exhale brushed over his eyes and forehead.

Reaching out, he let his fingers dance over Hyungwon's sides, enjoying the feeling and trying to remember every single sensation of warmth against his fingertips.

“You still seem like a dream to me,” he whispered.

“You're the only person that saw me undressed and considers me attractive. It is still...a little difficult to believe, even if I know that my skin color is not a product of mud being mixed into my blood.” The blonde man let go of the fabric of his robe, allowing it to open a little and reveal the golden color of his chest and the small, darker nipples. Long arms wrapped around Hoseok’s neck and Hyungwon leaned in, kissing his lips carefully. “It is a dream I don't want to wake up from, Hoseok.”

_It's because you always have to go back._

“You shine, in more ways than just one. You replaced the constant darkness I was living in, even if I die a thousand times and do everything I can, it still won't be enough to show you how much it means to me. How much you mean to me, Hyungwon.” A stray drop hit his arm as he pressed his salty lips against the king's gorgeous, plump ones, drowning in the perception of his hot skin and the shaky breaths hitting his face.

“I-” Hyungwon began when their lips parted and pushed their bodies flush against each other, gasping briefly. “I always wonder if love feels this intense to others too, like it consumes every thought and changes it according to the strength of the affection one feels. I've never been in love before this, so I do not know. You are the first person I wish to be with. I would spend my life with you if I could.”

_If he could. And if you could._

He felt like crying again, words piercing through his lungs with the sharpened knife of reality.

_You're going into custody tomorrow. You won't see him for a month._

“I don't know, Hyungwon. I only know that I feel like I can't exist without you.” Sinking down a little, he curled his hands around the other man's thighs and lifted him, walking the few steps towards the bed and letting Hyungwon's back touch the sheets carefully before he lay next to him and stared at his dazzling face.

“I can't exist without you either, like air, even more than air,” the king whispered helplessly as desperation slowly made its way into his gestures. The blonde man lifted his arms and reached out for Hoseok to embrace him, robe sliding down his shoulders and revealing more of his naked body.

“Let me just hold you, I need to keep this feeling, I need it,” he whispered. He felt as if there was not enough oxygen if he didn't pull Hyungwon's body flush against his chest, as if he couldn't breathe if he didn't litter the blonde man's golden skin with kisses as much as he could. As if it would all disappear as soon as he let go.

“Please,” Hyungwon whimpered and buried his face in his neck, hot skin touching his and melting into it. It was like there were no borders between them, neither physical not mental.

Sucking in the mix of coconut and Hyungwon's own distinct smell, he felt dizzy but at the same time alert, wishing to keep every touch and every breath hitting his skin, every kiss and the beautifully low voice calling his name.

 

_

 

He wasn't able to sleep, not after they were close and not after the beautiful blonde man fell asleep in his arms, hot golden skin attached to his pale, inked one, creating a gorgeous contrast. The first rays of sunshine blazed through the window as Hyungwon didn't close the curtains and he knew that his time was over.

Biting down on his bottom lip to suppress more tears that didn't change anything, Hoseok slipped out of Hyungwon's embrace and got dressed in his pajamas.

_It's a good bye. Good that he can't see you like this._

Of course, the stupid salty liquid still poured from his eyes as he watched the dazzling face of the person he loved more than anything else. Hyungwon was fast asleep, air leaving through his slightly parted lips and blonde hair sprawled over the white pillow.

_You're leaving a part of yourself._

It made sense why it was so hard, Hyungwon owned him, he really did. Reaching for his wrist he pulled down his bracelet, stones hitting against each other from the impact. He leaned over and placed the jewelry next to Hyungwon's wrist, kissing the other man's plump lips briefly.

“Take care of me,” he whispered and turned around, disappearing through the million doors of the king’s chambers.

 

_

 

 

The black jeans hugged his thighs like a second skin, just like the black cotton sweatshirt felt like home, lose and giving him space to breathe. The small metal ring hooked through his lip. It was the one Hyungwon had gifted to him on the day he was stabbed, bought from Anthony's store. It was a special mixture of metals with a beautiful stone in the middle. A few other, smaller rings graced his earlobes and the helix. The big mirror in the hallway of Lucy’s apartment was familiar, just like his reflection became after the few long minutes that he had stared at himself, trying to get used to the image that he associated himself with most of his life.

_Yewon had also met you like this, before seeing you stuffed in those terrible clothes and bowing gracefully._

He sighed, thinking about the morning hours and how he had tried to write a letter to his friend, explaining why he was about to do all those things she wouldn’t understand, making her the wife of someone who was in custody. In the end he wrote that he was sorry for being a shitty friend rather than for being a shitty husband. He really was.

_It doesn’t matter anymore, Hoseok. Concentrate._

He threw his leather jacket over his shoulders, along with the small black bag where he kept everything important. He had also talked to the guards and made sure that everything went smoothly, that he had time to say what he wanted to say.

Stepping out of the apartment, he could already hear the demonstration around the corner. It was almost his turn as he could see the beautifully colored rainbow flags and slogans, men and women marching together for a change. There weren’t many people, not at all, but it was enough for him. Watching his own steps, he pulled his cap down a little, marching next to the blonde woman he immediately recognized.

“Nice to see you again, Hoseok. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if you would really come, but I can’t thank you enough. This is huge for us.” There was a nod as she kept looking to the front, where the march stopped in front of a small stage.  
  
“It is huge for me too, even more than you would think,” he whispered and looked up, watching Lucy step on the stage and grab the microphone, as if she was made to do it. Born to raise awareness, to speak up for those who weren’t able to, who felt weak. Born to raise her voice for those who felt left out and forgotten. She was perfect. Hoseok wanted to be someone like her too.

_Maybe you can try._

The speech ended and she caught Hoseok’s gaze, watching him intently, as if she doubted that he would really do what he promised, that he would really come on stage and speak. He nodded and made his way to the front. It was hard, way harder than he imagined it to be. His legs and hands shook at the pressure, the adrenaline pumping through his veins, the consequences, the anxiety to be judged and the fear of failure.

_You can’t fail, Hoseok. You only have one opportunity._

Stepping on the wooden stage, he bit down on his bottom lip and nodded at Lucy, coming closer to the microphone and curling his fingers around it hesitantly. A few seconds passed, before he took the cap off his head and let it hang around his wrist, watching the different faces in the crowd. Faces that looked up at him, murmured and stared with wide eyes, recognizing the person in front of them. It got louder, just like his heartbeat started sounding deafening in his ears. He needed to end it, to start talking, but his hands were simply shaking uncontrollably until he felt a familiar warm palm against his back.

_Lucy. She’s there for you, she’s with you, you can do it._

Suddenly he thought about Hyungwon, about the reasons he was doing all of it. He did it for himself and for the person he loved, so he tightened his grip on the microphone and started speaking.

“I am here today, because there are a lot of things wrong with this society. Things that I would like to talk about, to show that you are not alone. None of us are alone,” he started, following through with his speech on human rights and how homophobia and gender normativity kill variety and promote discrimination, butting into people’s life decisions, decisions the law makers should not be bothered with, apart from providing a safe space to be human. It was silent at first, but after a few minutes passed and he started to get enthusiastic about the things he was standing for, the people started cheering. He talked, giving examples, about the way the royal family and the advisors were trying to dictate how a person should be, how pale their skin should be or whether they should be married and have kids.

“I won’t ever let anybody dictate what I can or cannot do with my body and I will not tolerate people who force others to give up their human rights, their self-definition and their bodily autonomy. People who tell me who to love or who not to love. This is not right. I want to be free and I want you all to be free!” Inhaling deeply, he threw his leather jacket from his shoulders and pulled the sweatshirt over his head.

“Don’t let them stop you, love whoever you want to love and do whatever you want with yourself and your body, they can’t take it away from you, it’s yours,” he screamed, throwing his arms in the air and watching the people in the crowd scream and throw their hands in the air, just like him. It was beautiful.

“I will be persecuted for this, but that’s wrong. It should be wrong! It can change!” he shouted again, watching the guards run towards the stage, ready to handcuff him and hand him over to the police, just like he asked them to. Turning around, he saw Lucy crying behind him as he stepped closer and hugged her tightly.

“It will be fine, I will be fine. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to do this. I love you.” Hoseok leaned back and smiled as brightly as he could, trying to make it easier for the black-haired girl as his arms were pulled back and he felt the metal click in as the cuffs rubbed at his wrists painfully.

_It’s okay. You will be okay._

He didn’t cry. He managed to control himself, nodding at the police officer who forced him to dress, just to handcuff him again and throw him into the car without buckling up. It was amazing how one stopped being a human being that deserved to be safe as soon as one broke the law.

_You are living next to this, you have to experience it too._

The drive was short and he kept staring out of the tinted window. The buildings and the familiar river that he wouldn’t be able to see for a month passed by him and he had to inhale a few times to not cry, realizing the consequences along with the feeling of the metal cuffs that bruised his sensitive skin. There would be bars. Just metal bars in front of the window and a metal door with a hole to peek through, for the prison guards to see whether he was alive.

_And you have to stay alive. You promised, Hoseok. You promised, you can’t run away from this._

There was a clicking noise of his boots on the tiles when he was brought to his cell. It was just like he imagined it, small, dark, lonely and smelling like someone urinated in a wet cellar.

_Him. Think about him._

After being left alone, he sat down on the narrow metal bed, squeaking a little due to his weight and pulled the small metal box out of the pocket of his leather jacket that the stupid prison guards didn’t check before locking him in a tiny cell.

_They just don’t care._

Lifting the lid, he opened it and looked at the four white pills. It wasn’t that he wanted to die. The fact that he was locked in a prison cell for putting ink under his skin made him want to. How was he able to survive in a society like that for such a long time? It was a mystery and his lungs hurt, thinking about how nothing would change, even if he got out in a month.

_Still. What about him?_

The tears collected in his eyes as he took the pills out of the box and weighed them in his palm before stepping closer to the tilted window. He couldn’t see much due to the liquid that streamed down his face and the frosted glass, but he lifted his hand and dropped the pills, somewhere outside where he wasn’t able to find them anymore.

Sinking down to his knees he started sobbing, feeling helpless and alone, kept alive by the blurry knowledge that there was him, somewhere behind those thick walls.

_It’s enough to live, for now.  
_

 

 

***

 

His steps echoed along the hallways, emphasizing how spacious they were. It was fascinating how empty a gigantic palace that was filled with people could seem once a single person was gone. Hyungwon hadn't felt like that when his father had died, leaving him behind and forcing him into a role he wasn't ready for. But now that he wasn't able to see the black-haired man it didn't feel the same anymore.

The glass walls had felt like home and like a prison at the same time, now it only felt empty, empty space without meaning.

He had seen the speech. How could he not when it was broadcasted on every channel? It had been called many things. Revolutionary, a disgrace, a big step for society, a major setback. There were many things to call Hoseok’s revelation, the way he had motivated the people in the crowd to speak up and admit their differences out loud and embrace them. It was beautiful and Hyungwon had instantly expressed his support for the demonstration itself. He hadn't been able to support the inking of skin, not without major push-backs.

_You wanted to change something before his return but look at you._

It hurt. It hurt to know that Hoseok was out there on his own and Hyungwon had no chance to see him, even as the king. There were security rules that were written down in the law and above his word, no matter how much he wished to circumvent them.

The palace was an empty shell, a poor excuse for what it could be with Hoseok around. Without him there were only enemies, advisors that detested his attempt to push through the new constitution and the democratic vote and servants that were scared by his affection towards somebody who defied the law.

_Opinions change so quickly._

It was almost amusing how a single word from him about his love and devotion towards a man would result in instant avoidance and loss of respect. It was ridiculous, pure stupidity. He didn't change as a person because of who he gifted his affection to. Only because the person he cared about the most was a man, didn't mean that he refused to follow basic morals or wished the best for his people.

_How could you think otherwise yourself? Where did the judgement come from?_

It must have been the fear of the different, of the unknown. He was doing the same now, changing the laws and allowing the people to vote for their spokesperson. It was also different and unknown, but it was accepted because the people saw a personal benefit.

_Sexual preferences don't give them any benefits so they forsake them._

Hyungwon turned around the corner and entered the garden. On the day Hoseok was arrested he had genuinely considered entering the labyrinth and attempting to find his way back out, to do it the old-fashioned way. He could have been on his own too, sharing at least some of Hoseok’s experiences instead of being the one that lived in luxury while the black-haired man had nothing.

“Is there something bothering you, your majesty?” a soft voice asked from the side. It was a little girl, cutting spring flowers from the bushes and arranging them in a bouquet in her hands. Hyungwon had never seen her before, therefore she must have been a child of one of the servants.

“Yes,” he replied with a smile and crouched down to be able to look into the small girl’s eyes. They were a pleasant brown, almost as comforting as Lucy's eyes were. “May I ask what you are doing, young lady?”

“I am picking flowers for the princess! She looked sad when she sat on the bench the day before, so I will collect flowers and put them on the bench. Like a surprise!” It was adorable how excited her own idea made the girl, gesturing wildly until her eyes suddenly widened and she covered her big mouth with both hands, dropping the flowers.

_She is afraid of speaking openly, just like you were._

“That is a lovely idea. I am sure that the princess will be very happy about the flowers,” he replied and suppressed the urge to brush over the little girl’s hair. It wasn't his place to do that.

“When you have a queen, I will collect flowers for her too, I promise!” The response was a very determined one as the small child picked up the flowers that had dropped and pressed them to her chest.

_But you won't._

Hyungwon smiled again, not replying as there was nothing he could say to the statement. There was not going to be a queen. Not for him. There was only one person he wished to be with, a man that was already married to a woman and currently in prison because he desired to change the laws through his own sacrifice. It sounded crazy in his mind, Hyungwon didn't even dare to say it out loud.

“I would be glad if the queen had eyes like yours, a pleasant brown,” he replied, pressing his lips together to not lose his composure. His pain was meant to be hidden, even now. Nobody would understand.

“My mommy always says that they resemble mud. I prefer yours, your majesty.” There was something sad in the way the young child spoke, like there was no doubt to the conclusion, to the fact that blue eyes were superior.

_That's how you grew up. She will grow up the same way, believing that her physical features make her inferior._

“It isn't mud. Your eyes don't look like mud at all. They are beautiful, like chestnuts. Like oak trees at the other side of the wall, lining up along the street. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise,” he replied, voice convinced but soft and hands holding onto the fabric of his jeans. He was emotional about this, too emotional. The more he looked at the child the more obvious the difficulty of his task became. He had to start early, to show that physical features didn't matter early on. There had to be a way to do it.

_They need a role model, somebody to follow and it can't be you, Hyungwon._

“Would you really like to have a queen with eyes like mine, your majesty?” the little girl asked again, expression bright and small hands fumbling with the gorgeous blue flowers in her hands.

Some of the heaviness appeared to be lifted from his chest the longer he watched the childlike excitement and the bright smile on the girl’s face.

“Yes,” he answered, voice steady and calm.

_You do._

 

_

 

 

It felt strange to step out of a sleek black car instead of walking the path along the river to the small house. It didn't feel the same, much less intimate and Hyungwon preferred the intimacy of the sound of water next to him.

_And Hoseok, you prefer Hoseok next to you._

The thought instantly returned the sensation of helplessness and loneliness that had become second nature to him. Every thought, even a positive one, a pleasant memory, reminded him of the black-haired man's absence. It reminded him of the fact that he wasn't able to see him for a week, only hearing about his wellbeing from official reports.

Inhaling sharply, he forced himself to keep his composure as he crossed the distance to the front door and pressed the bell. There were a few worried glanced in his direction but he merely waved the guards off and ordered them to remain in the car. He didn't need company or protection when he was with Lucy. She was the only person aside from Hoseok that he could trust.

The visit was unexpected, but he needed to see the curly-haired woman, to confirm how she was feeling and whether she suffered any setbacks from the demonstration. It was important.

_You also need to talk to her._

There was a low buzz as the door opened and he could enter the hallway of the old building.

“Why didn't you tell me that you were expecting visitors?” a low female voice commented before the middle-aged woman saw him and her eyes widened comically. “Oh my god.”

“I apologize for the late disturbance, madame,” Hyungwon replied, taken off guard himself by the sight of another person. He had never seen the older woman before.

“Oh no, there is no need to apologize. His majesty the king is here,” she hissed before Lucy appeared in the door frame.

“Come in, but take your shoes off,” the black-haired girl commented naturally and slapped her mother's shoulder. “He's not scary, mom. He's fine, just a coward, but ok otherwise.” It was interesting to watch how the older woman attempted to shut Lucy's mouth. Being called a coward was new, but it wasn't the first time that Lucy had said what she thought.

The pretty girl’s mother had the same eyes and Hyungwon couldn't help the way his gaze lingered a little longer, aware that he might see the older woman more often in the future.

_Unless you being a coward has consequences._

“There is no need to restrain her speech, madame. I appreciate Lucy greatly, especially her outspoken nature. I am pleasantly surprised that she must have inherited her eyes from you. They are beautiful.” He smiled and moved out of the doorway. Crouching down, he began to untie his laces and slip his boots off his feet.

“Lucy is really beautiful; the only problem is that she can't stop saying useless things. But that is not something I can influence. I'm sorry, your majesty.” Ms. Davis said and bowed, disappearing in the kitchen.

“Must be nice to be able to visit your friends,” Lucy hissed, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“I wanted him to do this as little as you did, Lucy. I tried to help, but the people don't give a single- they don't care whether the king is against tattoos or not. They consider them evil, something forbidden that is strongly associated with the war.” Hyungwon sighed and stood up again, inhaling sharply to keep his composure. He had anticipated that they might talk about Hoseok, but he had hoped he would be less emotional by then.

_You can't when it's about him._

“I wanted to make sure you are alright,” he whispered eventually after hanging up his coat. It felt strange to be in the girl's apartment without Hoseok.

“I am. I'm not so sure about my best friend though, but you don't know because you haven’t been there.” The big brown eyes focused on him, silently judging him throughout the eye contact.

_She's right. There was the chance to visit him, but you gave it to her._

“I- I know I should have gone. There is no real excuse. It doesn't matter how much work there was or whether I have spoken out for the demonstration or not. I had hoped that I could visit him with good news, with an achievement that could help him. I gave the visiting hour to you because I felt like I could achieve more in that time, help him somehow. But-”

_But you can't._

Hyungwon bit down on his bottom lip and swallowed. It hurt to admit to it. To know that even though Hoseok had been convinced he could achieve something he wasn't getting anywhere. The advisors stood in opposition to him without Hoseok, acting on their own monetary interests despite losing Hoseok’s family as their guidance. The princess wore black and rejected any visits, arguing that she disapproved of the way the prince consort was treated and convicted of something that should have been protected under personal freedom. Yewon was doing great, enduring the criticism for acting out of affection rather than protocol.

_Even though her affection lies with the woman in front of you._

“Wow, you sure are good with words and excuses. Do you really think that he wants your ‘achievements’ or are you trying to convince yourself?” Lucy took a small cup out of the overhead shelf and put it on the table next to hers. “Coffee?”

“Yes, please,” Hyungwon replied and leaned against the wall, feeling utterly out of place. “But- he said that I could do it and that I would manage a lot in that time. He also forbid me from allowing him special treatment as a prince consort. I don't know what to do for him anymore. I- I feel so helpless, Lucy. I can't do anything without him.” His voice broke towards the end, fear of losing the strongest pillar returning as he struggled to breathe properly and couldn't help the stabbing sensation in his chest. It felt like someone had taken a knife and repeatedly pushed it into the spaces between his ribs, waiting for him to scream in agony and succumb.

“The only thing he talked about during those two hours was you. He just wanted to see you, how do you think it felt when I came through the door and saw the disappointment on his face? Spoiler - I felt like shit. I understand him, not eating and being depressed is the way he reacts to stuff like this, but I don't understand you, Hyungwon. You feel like the victim? I'm sorry, but I don't think you are.” The black-haired girl stood up, curling her fingers around his arm and watched him intently. “I really like you, but fuck, I'm seriously disappointed.”

“I don't feel like the victim, Lucy. I feel useless because I can't do anything for him to stop being the victim. I can't bear the thought that he's alone while I'm like this, running around freely even though I share his mindset. I feel useless because no matter what happens everybody protects me.” It was almost scary how calm his voice sounded, hands shivering as if they were compensating for his pretense. “I'm scared, Lucy. I'm fucking scared that he's not okay and I'll break down seeing him.” His eyes burned but he blinked to distract himself, breaths becoming ragged and forced.

It wasn't possible to come to a meeting without an offering, without an achievement. How could Hoseok accept him if Hyungwon was only a shell of himself without him?

“He's scared that you don't want him anymore. Fear sucks, Hyungwon. Don't be scared, it's better to bear the consequences than to be scared, believe me. Fact is, the only thing he wants and thinks about is you, while you are running around, searching for achievements to show. He never cared about things like that. Do you even know him?” Lucy looked away and sat down, pouring coffee into his cup. “Your coffee.”

_You're being weak, Hyungwon. The one thing you hate and promised yourself to avoid._

His hands only shivered more as he swallowed and nodded, pushing off the wall and stepping closer.

“I've- never been allowed to see anybody without presenting something. I don't know what I was thinking. I miss him so much, Lucy. I can't sleep because it seems like I feel the emptiness of the walls, knowing that he's somewhere I'm not and I can't just stand up and go to him if I wish to do it. I hate this, I want to see him with a smile on his face, but I don't know if I'm enough for that. I'm so sorry.” His voice broke again and he simply sank to the ground, curling his arms around the short woman's lap. “I'm so sorry. I can't bear not to see him, but I believed I'm not allowed to, not like this.”

“This is bullshit, Hyungwon. If you were in prison, he would've already cosplayed an iron bar and came over, just to see your face once. I'd slap you, but I don't think that it will change anything, so I won't,” she whispered and curled her soft arms around his shoulders tightly, it was impressive how much strength she had even though she had such a small frame.

“Please slap me, it never happened before. Maybe it will help me clear my head,” he murmured and tried his very best not to cry. He had no right to cry, not when he was the one embracing Hoseok’s best friend while the black-haired man was on his own.

_You need to visit him._

“I- I have thought about where values begin. There was a little girl in the palace garden, she had eyes like yours. It hurt to hear her say that she was told they resemble mud, like she really believed it,” he whispered and lifted his face slowly, chewing on his cheek.

Suddenly the black-haired girl bit down on her bottom lip and slapped him while staring right into his eyes. A few seconds passed before she leaned in and placed a soft kiss against the burning skin.

“You're like a baby sometimes. There are so many things that you don't know, oh my god.”

Hyungwon stared with big eyes, shocked by the pain that tingled in his cheek, heat spreading from the spot of contact. The kiss only added to the warmth, like a reminder that the black-haired girl still cared about him.

“I- I thought the same way about my skin. I was told that mud had mixed into my blood and that was why my skin was so dirty, unfitting for a prince,” he whispered and swallowed briefly. His memories were fresh, the way Hoseok had told him it was beautiful for the very first time. No one else had.

“Because we learn from others until we are able to develop our own sense of what is wrong or right. You still seem to struggle with it, even though I think that there's something to you, something Hoseok must've seen to fall for you so deeply.” Lucy sighed and stroked over his cheek, it was motherlike. She looked a little worried.

_You love him too, more than anything else in this world._

“I feel the same. I have never felt this way about anyone before him. I can't bear to be separated, Lucy. He's the best that has ever happened to me.”

He hadn't meant to tell Lucy all that, but there were always so many thoughts in his head when he thought of the other man, of his smile, his voice, his words. The bracelet that was wrapped around his wrist, next to the other one.

_If you can't be close in person, at least you are at heart._

“I wish for girls like her to have someone to look up to, someone that is like them and guides them,” Hyungwon murmured and leaned into the touch. “Like Hoseok guided me.”

“I'm trying with Yewon, but she's stubborn and we discuss for hours until she changes her opinion. Maybe.” The black-haired girl chuckled and brushed over his hair absentmindedly.

“She has very strong opinions. She was the first princess that had the audacity to tell the crown prince to ‘shut the fuck up’ at breakfast.” Hyungwon smiled a little and reached out to stroke over Lucy's arm. He wanted to return the affection somehow, but he wasn't very good at it. He only knew Hoseok and Lucy was so… small. “I am glad that she has someone she genuinely likes and the same goes for you.”

“I love her. And I really like you, Hyungwon. Don't be a dick. He's really not okay and he has all of my sympathy and empathy after all that he has done. And seeing you being miserable like this is not better either,” Lucy murmured and watched him intently.

“I will see him. There is nothing that I desire more,” Hyungwon whispered and swallowed audibly, pain returning like it had never left.

_But you had a question for her, Hyungwon._

“Lucy, do you think- you could become a role model like that? Become somebody who guides? Somebody who makes a difference, proves a point?”

The pretty girl stared at him, obviously not understanding his point.

“I sincerely hope that I've been doing it for the past three years, but it could've also been in vain, who knows?”

“You misunderstood me. I- I was hoping that when the elections take place next year… that you will be a candidate.” Hyungwon knew that it was idealistic for Lucy to be a candidate with the current state of society and her rights as a woman of color. But he had an idea to change that, one that was as revolutionary as it was novel. Only he didn't know if Lucy was willing to go that far.

“Yes, I also want to live in a world with no discrimination and ride a white horse into the palace and get your sister out to have her for myself, but here I am, drinking cheap coffee and consoling the king’s heartache. My life is spectacular, honestly.” Lucy chuckled bitterly and took another sip of said coffee.

“I might not be able to grant you all of those, but some. There is a possibility. If you raise your status to a height that is indisputable by the public, you will have a chance to be a candidate and make a difference.” It was unusual but Hyungwon was nervous, hands playing with the material of Lucy's skirt and blue eyes focused on the calming brown ones.

“I can't be marrying your sister and Hoseok is already married.” Suddenly the girl’s eyes widened and she curled her fingers around his wrist, squeezing painfully. “Are you suggesting I marry you to raise my status? And to be a candidate? How much did you drink? This is crazy. You and Hoseok and I- you know this mess, why?”

Hyungwon smiled a little, suppressing a reaction to the pain in his wrist.

“Because it is the only possibility to give you a voice that will be heard. I had no intentions of marrying, but if our alliance enables the people to have a voice that speaks for them it is more than worth it. I have not met even one person that deserves to lead a country as much as you do, Lucy. I genuinely wish for you to be a candidate.” Still smiling brightly, Hyungwon lifted an eyebrow the way he had learned from Hoseok. “Also, you'll live in the palace, where my sister happens to live. Just saying.”

“You know, if we lived in a different society and in a different world, I would've slapped you again, arguing that I won't make decisions that are against my principles only because my status isn't enough to make a change. But- I really want to make a change. It's my driving purpose.” Lucy sighed and looked down at his hands, fumbling with her skirt. “I feel bad about this, but maybe I'll get used to it.”

“I do not expect you to deny your sexuality, Lucy. I by no means expect you to swear love to me in front of everybody and I don't wish for you to pretend. Please do as you have done before with the exception that society can’t disregard you because of your skin color.” Hyungwon licked over his lips briefly and rose up, taking Lucy's hand in his. He placed a soft kiss on it before looking up. “So, will you marry me, Lucy?”

“Visit Hoseok, or I'll never talk to you again, independent of marriage,” she hissed and nodded right after. “Let's do it.”

“As you wish,” Hyungwon replied and stood up. “My queen,” he added as the realization dawned upon him. He was going to marry Hoseok’s best friend to make a change, tie himself to her in the same way that Hoseok was tied to his sister.

_But it is for the better._

“I must speak to your mother,” he murmured and felt a little uncomfortable about the whole thing. He had never spoken to anybody's parents before.

“Mom? The king asked to marry me and I said yes,” the black-haired girl shouted before her mother appeared in the living room, looking more than shocked.

_Oh god._

“Stop joking like this, Lucy. I swear, you'll go to the neighboring cell, next to Hoseok, if you don't control your mouth. At least when the authorities are around,” the older women muttered. Hyungwon had never been called ‘the authorities’ before.

“He's not an authority.” Lucy reached out and ruffled his hair, laughing at the result.

_Indeed._

Hyungwon bit his lip and fixed his hair as well as he could, feeling very uncomfortable and close to blushing, which was bad.

“It was not a joke, Ms. Davis. I have asked for your daughter's hand in marriage and to my delight she said yes.”

“I'm still a lesbian, mom. He's a really good friend. I feel the most comfortable with him, so don't worry.” The petty girl stood up and wrapped her arms around him, head leaning against his chest. “He's a good person.”

“You're crazy, girl. I hope that you know what you're doing, your majesty,” Lucy's mother whispered, watching the scene with wide eyes.

“Does that mean you are giving us your blessings?” Hyungwon smiled a little and curled his right arm around Lucy's waist. It felt strange compared to body contact with Hoseok. It was warm and nice but there was no urgency, no necessary response that he felt. It was the same reaction he had when his sister embraced him.

“Blessings? I'm happy as long as she's healthy and she seems happy, so I'm happy too.” There was a warm smile as the older woman watched them hug, before silently disappearing down the hallway. Hyungwon had never seen such an unofficial marriage agreement. Usually there had always been discussions, further agreements and decisions. Lucy's mom appeared so nonchalant about everything, trusting Lucy to the fullest.

He couldn't help but feel a little envious.

“Will you… be offended if I leave you now and go to him, ignoring visiting hours and using my selfish rights as the king?”

“I will be proud.” Lucy lifted on her tiptoes and placed a kiss on his slapped cheek, visibly struggling with her height and let go. “And now go, tell him that I love him.”

“I will,” Hyungwon whispered and returned the brief touch before turning around, putting on his boots and leaving the small apartment. It still felt unreal that he had made one of the biggest decisions for the country in only a few hours.

But it was a good decision, because it felt right.

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I wanted to ask you something. Do you think it's okay to sacrifice personal beliefs and stop fighting for your values if it means that you will get personal happiness in return?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
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> 

It was impressive how one's needs could change so dramatically. The need for food, for hygiene, for comfort, all of them had been replaced by the need to sleep. Hoseok was tired, exhausted, barely breathing, but still it didn't come to him. It almost seemed as if the pleasant, numbing darkness avoided him, making him suffer more with every passing second.

His perceptions started going crazy. The sounds were too loud, the handcuffs too tight around his wrists when he was forced to leave his cell. The food felt like lead that someone forced down his throat, tasting like vomit and making his stomach spasm as soon as it made contact with it. His body had always been his weakest point, giving up on him first.

_You won't survive like this, Hoseok._

He didn't want to survive. He was waiting for sleep, but instead there was a grey silhouette, wishful thinking, the result of his crazy mind, unable to let go of a person and holding on for dear life.

_He doesn't want to see you. Why else would he let you rot in a prison cell without showing his face even once?_

It hurt. More than the handcuffs and more than the bruises that he had gotten from the guards and other prisoners who knew that he had spoken at a demonstration for LGBTQ rights. It seemed to be a worse crime than having tattoos and wanting to turn the country into a surveillance state.

_You were living in the middle of this, in the palace, only caring about yourself and your friends. Now you can see the reality._

He was no stranger to violence when he was younger, especially later, when he went to parties and couldn't keep his mouth shut, but this was a whole new level. His stomach hurt from a painful bruise, courtesy of the guards’ boots. Why did they have to have metal caps in them? To kick harder? But it was pointless, all of it.

_Because he doesn't want you._

Maybe it was better that way. It was beneficial for Hyungwon to distance himself, especially in the middle of political turbulence. The advisors were poisonous snakes and it was easier to let go of everything that would make the king weak. Hoseok had definitely been a weakness.

_This time you have to finally let go of him. You need to._

It was a mystery how his body was still able to produce tears, without having any proper calorie intake, but there they were, streaming down his face from the thought alone. From the thought that he had to say goodbye to the person he loved.

Love sounded easy, as if it was only a feeling one could gain control over, to deal with it or to replace it with something else, but it felt like dying. He felt like dying. There wasn't a day when he didn't regret throwing away those pills. He didn't want to live in a society like that, he didn't want to go back to the palace. He just wanted to stop existing to not be forced to experience the same pain all over again, every living second.

He wasn't even able to think about Yewon, or Lucy, how they would feel if he was gone. He was sorry, but it didn't make the desire weaker. Meanwhile the grey silhouette did what it always did, picking up the crown from the ground. It slowly lifted it in the air, despite Hoseok begging it to stop, to put it back, but it was the same all over again. The crown was placed on the blonde head and the beautiful, tall man materialized in front of him, smiling at him, full of pity, before disappearing again.

It felt like torture, worse than torture. He couldn't stop it, not when he wasn't able to fall asleep, not when his bruises hurt and his lungs exploded from the burning inside them, not when the stupid tears kept running down his face, as they constantly reminded him that he was still alive, still breathing and still forced to rip his fucking heart out and leave it within the walls of the glass prison he had no intention of returning to.

There was the sudden and empty sound of a key, the same one he always heard when he was forced to leave his cell and join the other prisoners for a poor excuse of a meal. It seemed too late and he had been out for food, but Hoseok had lost his sense of time.

The scratching of the key against the opening took a little longer than expected, repeating endlessly until the heavy metal door opened and he was met with the unusual sight of blonde hair.

_It's a whole new level of hallucination._

“At least you're not wearing the crown. Go back,” he whispered, returning his gaze to the dirty wall.

“Why- why would I wear the crown when I'm doing something mostly illegal? I might as well scream my crimes from a mountain for the whole world to hear,” Hyungwon muttered behind him and stepped closer. “Do you really want me to leave again? Please don't say that, Hoseok. I know that I haven't been able to do anything for you and I'm sorry, but please don't send me away.” There was something desperate to the low voice, unfitting to Hoseok’s usual mental images of the blonde man.

_It's him. He came to you, but there are no guards next to him._

“Why- are you here?” he asked, sitting up on the bed, but holding the thin blanket over his chest. He remembered how his body looked, bruised and slimmed down. He couldn't let Hyungwon see himself like this, even though he was supposed to let go anyway.

“Because I wanted to see you. Because I'm a coward that didn't achieve anything and couldn't show his pathetic self,” the black-haired man replied, squeezing a bit of black fabric with his hands repeatedly. It looked like a nervous gesture, pulling the material apart with his long fingers. It resembled a hat. Hyungwon's right hand had a bit of red and bluish color tainting it, close to the knuckles. Almost like a bruise but he couldn't really tell.

“Did you climb again?” His voice was barely a whisper and it was dark in the cell. They turned off the light after ten, so it must've been way after midnight. “What did you want to achieve?”

“Something that would help you, more acceptance towards tattoos, a shortening of your sentence. I had hoped that some people would speak out, but- they are still so scared and my word alone does nothing. I'm sorry that I'm so useless, Hoseok.” Hyungwon's voice got lower and he could see the other man swallow, visibly uncomfortable with his own words and the wound on his hand that he quickly covered.

“So, you thought I would be happier if you didn't come?” It felt weird to ask the king for his reasons, but he sincerely wanted to know why the other man let him suffer and why he came now.

He shouldn't have come at all.

“I was scared to disappoint you. I'm sorry, Hoseok, I genuinely am. I wasn't able to sleep, thinking of you and how miserable you must be on your own while I am running around and doing nothing to help you, failing with every attempt. I'm so sorry, I-” The blonde man's voice cracked and he sank to the ground, kneeling on the dirty floors. “Please forgive me.”

The desperation returned full force, as he threw the blanket to the side and closed the distance, lifting the king from his knees.

“Don't do it, it's really dirty here, you'll ruin your clothes, your majesty,” he whispered, wondering how he had suddenly found the strength to do anything besides lying on his bed and staring at the wall.

“It doesn't matter,” was the quick response as arms wrapped around his body and pulled him against the king's chest, warm breaths tickling his neck. There was a gasp as the grip loosened a little and Hyungwon tried to look at him. His eyes were wide with shock. “What have they done to you, Hoseok?”

Sure, his body was giving out slowly, but the emotional pain was the worst of it all.

“I don't have much appetite. You're endangering yourself here, it's not like a nightly joint inside the palace. It will have consequences. You should have stayed away altogether,” he muttered and it hurt so much that the stupid tears came back, as if they were never gone, flowing down, the wet trace cold against his cheek.

“No, I was wrong in the first place. I should have come, no matter whether I achieved something or not. I should have come that first day you were allowed visitors instead of letting Lucy come. I was a coward, I was scared of seeing you without good news, without anything positive to say. All I could tell you was how much I miss you and need you.” A sharp inhale interrupted Hyungwon as he stroked over Hoseok’s cheek with his thumb, catching a few of the tears. “Please don't hurt your body. I beg you, Hoseok. I need you.”

“I don't know. I think I'm just a weakness for you, nothing more. Maybe- in the end we are too different, you and me.” His arms hung limp at his sides while his tears gave out everything he was feeling. There was just hurt, nothing else.

Long fingers tightened in the skin of his upper arms as Hyungwon slowly sank to the ground again, breaths ragged like he was struggling to contain his emotions himself. The king leaned forward a little, resting his forehead against Hoseok’s thigh.

“Do you- do you not love me anymore? Is that it? Does it not seem worth it anymore?” he whispered, voice barely audible and hands shaking.

“It hurts so much that I wish I was dead,” he whispered back, body shivering and legs giving out, as his knees hit the floor painfully.

“You are the only person that really matters to me. The only person that is constantly on my mind and that I need to be with. I don't care how different we are, I love you, Hoseok.” There was the sound of a drop falling to the cold ground as Hyungwon avoided his eyes, gasping because of his tears. “What have I done to make you hurt so much? I am so sorry, please forgive me. Your pain is what I want to prevent. Please let me take it.”

“You can't take it, but you seem perfect in causing it. I was sure that you don't want me anymore. I thought about a way to escape this and see you, but there was no chance for me. Not without getting caught and serving another sentence of seven months. I would've killed myself instead, I can't take not seeing you, I'm going crazy, Hyungwon. I keep seeing you everywhere, besides in reality. You're not there, what am I supposed to think?” Curling his fingers around Hyungwon's arm, he tried to pull the other man up in vain. His muscles simply gave up on him.

The lean arm pulled him back instead, using enough strength to allow the king to embrace him tightly and brush through his hair with long fingers, following a calm rhythm.

“Visitation is only twice a week, Hoseok. The first one was two days after your imprisonment. I was unable to give you anything, only experiencing failures in those two days. I have never been allowed to see anybody without offering something, Hoseok. Never. I could never give up on you, I could never stop seeing you. The desire to see you was the only thing that pushed me forward, speaking out in support of the demonstration and working on establishing a general election. I only thought about being able to see you, to earn the right to glance at your face. I'm sorry, Hoseok. I'm sorry for leaving you here all those days. I'm so sorry.”

“You being able to see someone only if you can offer something- what does that make me? I have never, not even once, wanted anything from you, I only wanted you, Hyungwon. Just stab me, I beg you. I don't want to live without seeing you, it's torture.” The tight embrace hurt his bruised rib cage and he gasped a few times, suppressing the pain.

Hyungwon instantly loosened the grip at his response, but kept the soft caresses over his hair. The blonde man was chewing on his cheek, not making a single sound for a few moments until he finally spoke.

“You'll see me. I don't care about the regulations. I will enter the prison like this more often if I have to. I want to see you too, Hoseok. I want you as soon as my eyes open after brief minutes of sleep until I attempt to close them in the early hours of the morning. Even in my dreams I see you, close to me the way it should be. You- you said that I could reach so much in this one month and- I feel disgusting for nit meeting your expectations.” A deep inhale followed as Hyungwon pressed a careful kiss to his cheek, almost like he feared rejection. “Please let me take care of you.”

“I don't want to be your weakness, Hyungwon. I want to be your strength, but I can't. My world views and principles are at odds with everything the monarchy stands for... I love you, you're the reason that I didn't die after coming here, but I hear from your words that me existing is making your life harder, you feel pressure and you struggle, I don't want this. Love- it shouldn't be like this.” He shuddered at the cold permeating his naked upper body as he tried to lean closer to Hyungwon's warm chest.

“When will you finally think about yourself too, Hoseok? What do I need to do for you to understand that your existence itself is a blessing to me? It cannot be black and white like the bracelets on my wrists. You have given me so much, understanding, insight, compassion, love. All those things are valuable and precious to me. It is not worth disregarding them because of my cowardly behavior and my own misunderstandings. Why would you accept my mistakes as your own? I love you, Hoseok and nothing can stop me, not even your self-sacrificial thoughts.” The king swallowed loudly and stroked along his back, engulfing him in warmth and more kisses on the top of his head and his cheek. They felt a little wet. “I'm so scared of losing you, Hoseok. That is the worst that could happen.”

“Because I don't know if I can go back after this. I will continue being your weakness and you will continue to be mine.” Hoseok swallowed his tears and leaned in, letting their lips connect and closing his eyes at the warm feeling. He felt hollow as he took the other man's hand inconspicuously and lifted it, glancing at the scraped knuckles. “Why are you talking about me, if it's according to the standards of our country to get abused in prison and you, the king of this country, having to sneak in here and hurting yourself?”

There was shock in Hyungwon's eyes, hand shaking a little on his loose grip.

“Abused? They- they have dared to abuse you? It doesn't matter what happened to me, Hoseok. Not when you are the one in pain. I don't mind you being my weakness, I never did. I'd rather have you be my weakness than not be with you at all. Do you leave Lucy because she can be used to influence you? You don't, because being together is worth it and that is how I feel.” The king shifted briefly and helped him to get even closer, pressing his lips to his forehead carefully. “I should have hit harder.”

_He hit someone?_

He couldn’t help the way his eyes widened at the comment and he leaned back, staring at the blonde man.

“You hit someone? Why? Is that the reason for your hand being like this?” Hoseok mumbled and placed a kiss on top of the bruise. His lips were dry and Hyungwon’s skin felt smoother than his lips did.

“Because he needed to be unconscious for this to work,” the blonde man replied quietly and resumed the way his hand stroked over Hoseok’s hair. “It's not visiting time and unfortunately the king isn't able to break the law, even if he really wants to. So, he has to be sneaky and illegal about this. But it doesn't matter, Hoseok. I'm merely out of practice. What matters is you. May I embrace you properly? I missed you so much.”

“I’m a little hurt, but I was more hurt because of not seeing you, please hold me,” he whispered and leaned forward, forehead resting on Hyungwon’s broad but bony shoulder.

The blonde man acted instantly, pulling him on top of him and curling his arms around his shoulders, warming him.

“Please forgive me. I will never do it again, I will come as often as possible, I promise,” the king whispered and littered his face with kisses, pausing for a little longer once he reached his lips. “I will not allow them to treat you this way. It's unacceptable.”

“I didn't know what to do, thinking that you didn't want me anymore. I wanted to stop existing, to sleep and never wake up, but I couldn't escape reality, unable to fall asleep and seeing your silhouette with the crown. It reminded me why we will remain apart for eternity, because the person I love is the king.” Hoseok placed kisses against the fabric of Hyungwon's shirt, curling his arms around the other man's shoulders and burying his face in the crook of the warm neck. “I can't live without you.”

There was silence while Hyungwon continued to rake through his hair, not caring about the condition he was in and whether it was appropriate to touch him or not.

“I can't live without you either, Hoseok. I want you, I want you more than anything else. Has me being the king stopped us before?”

“It didn't. But can you imagine living like this forever? To hide in the night, crawl on the ground and climb walls, unable to hold my hand or to kiss me when you want to? But maybe I'm just going crazy, I've been in here for a week and I feel like my whole world is crumbling in front of my eyes.” The embrace felt so warm. It was unfair, no matter what Hyungwon did, he couldn't be mad at him, there was no way for him to be angry at the beautiful blonde man.

“I wish I could help you somehow. I don't know how to make you feel better apart from holding you like this,” Hyungwon whispered and rested his head on his shoulder, not burdening him with all of the weight. “Of course, I don't want to hide forever. But won't it get better someday? I thought that's what we are working towards. Us and Lucy.”

“I don't know. Isn't it funny how everything seems less devastating when you're next to me like this? Is it an illusion? Does my brain conclude than having you embrace me cures everything that is wrong with the world that I'm living in? I'm sorry too. I should be someone to support you, but I'm being a nuisance instead.” His fingers travelled over Hyungwon's slim back, drawing along his spine and sucking in his intoxicating scent, so unusual and alien compared to the disgusting air in the stuffy cell.

“You're not a nuisance, you're a blessing. You made people think and question themselves by showing your tattoos the way you did. I am proud of you, Hoseok.” There was a soft smile that spread Hyungwon's lips before the other man lifted his chin carefully and kissed him, properly this time, licking over his dry mouth and nibbling on his curved bottom lip.

“I miss touching and kissing you like this, but without being in this terrible place. You can't stay here for too long, I don't want you to put yourself in danger. I promise that I will stay alive, now that I have a reason to.” Smiling, he pressed his lips against Hyungwon's plump ones, enjoying the way they gave in under the pressure.

“I don't care. I want to stay next to you,” was the immediate response before boots sounded on the cold concrete floors outside the cell. It seemed like fate had decided to move itself between them again.

A tall and broad shadow stopped right in front of the cell, staring at them for a few seconds.

“Your majesty, the time is running out. We need to return.”

Hoseok recognized the tall man from his university, He was a friend of Lucy's and Hyungwon seemed to trust him enough to witness a scene like this.

_But he still wants you, Hoseok._

“It's fine, I'll be fine, I promise. Yewon wanted to come next week, but I'll wait patiently for the next time I can see you again.” Embracing the beautiful, blonde man one last time, he leaned back. “I love you. I'll become stronger, I promise.”

There was reluctance in Hyungwon's motions as he loosened his hold as well and pressed his lips together.

“I will come tomorrow night,” Hyungwon replied and stood up. The king pulled the sleeves of his sweatshirt lower and covered his head with the hat he had brought. Only his eyes remained visible and attention seeking.

There was a slightly disapproving noise coming from the guard but he didn't say anything, merely holding the door open for Hyungwon to pass through.

_He will come tomorrow._

The knowledge made a smile appear on his features as he sat down on his bed and watched the metal door close.

_You are being weak. You need to get stronger, just like he did._

 

_

 

 

It was impressive how quickly his perception changed. The helplessness he had felt being locked up changed into a feeling of challenge. He swallowed the disgusting mixture that they called food and used every free second to bring his body into an acceptable state to fight back if he needed to.

Hyungwon had visited him as promised and it had given him more motivation to live than anything else ever could. Life was really strange sometimes.

Another week passed and he had gained weight, according to the physicians that suddenly appeared in the ward out of nowhere, checking up on his and the other inmates’ health.

_It was Hyungwon’s doing, wasn't it?_

Smiling to himself he waited for his turn to get his checkup results and listened to the conversation of two bulky men in front of him.

“Yeah, he's getting married. He finally found a chick for himself. Poor guy must have blue balls by now.” The low voice was pretty loud, so Hoseok was able to hear every single word.

“Yeah, it's strange for a king to be alone. I was already thinking that he was weird. I hope that the girl will keep him busy and he stops butting into politics and loosens up the laws a little. The royal family never really cared as long as the white, blue-eyed had the money.” There was a chuckle and the shorter man slapped his mate’s shoulder.

“I know, right? Hey, you. He turned towards Hoseok. " Aren't you happy that your in-law is getting married?” He wasn't used to non-violent displays of attention and it made him step back a little, ready to fight.

“Hmm? I don't know anything about this. I'm in here, so how would I know?” Hoseok mumbled and looked to the side. He didn't know anything about Hyungwon getting married, but it was probably just a rumor.

“Ah, they asked him in an interview and he said he already has someone in mind and they are picking a date, so you might be out before the ceremony so you can get all the nice palace food. I bet that you miss it, after not being able to keep your mouth shut at the demonstration.”

He couldn't help the way his eyes widened at the elaboration. It was so shocking that he ignored the passive aggressive comment and stepped closer.

“Wait, did he really say that? It's impossible, are you sure?” he asked, mouth remaining open.

“Maybe you would know if your wife would visit you. Must be sad.” The bulky guy chuckled and turned away as it was his turn.

_Oh god. He's going to marry._

It was a little stupid to feel unsure, hesitant, scared about something like that. He was married himself, forcing Hyungwon to watch the ceremony and even bless him and Yewon. Maybe the royal marriage was something the other man considered important to reach something, to gain more power, or for other reasons. Hoseok hoped there were no other reasons.

_What if he wants to try out being with a woman?_

His breath got stuck in his lungs, even though there was nothing to say against exploring one's sexuality. Hoseok had done it too, but it somehow made him so fucking scared.

_But he said that he loves you._

Hyungwon did, but feelings could change. Why else would he have kept from Hoseok that he was marrying? There was no reason for the other man to keep secrets from him.

_But maybe there is a reason you don't know about. What if he thinks that you're hysterical after the breakdown a week ago? Of course, he doesn't want to upset you._

Hoseok hated it. He wanted to see the beautiful, blonde man, to look into his eyes and to make sure that the connection was still there, the way Hyungwon had looked at him, eyes full of affection and those gorgeous, thick lips, kissing him and telling him that he was still wanted.

_You're like a child not getting enough affection. Stop this._

Swallowing loudly at his own concerns, he returned to his cell, slow steps sounding on the cold tiles and reminding him of his situation. They sounded familiar somehow. It was strange how little time he needed to get used to unusual things. Lying down on the dirty floor, he started doing push-ups, waiting for Lucy to arrive.

After his arms hurt so badly that he had to stand up from the floor, he heard the door open.

There were a few steps, careful and echoing through the cell because of the bucket of water that had been carelessly emptied over the floors in a poor attempt to wash them. Not even a second passed until lean arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him against a slim but firm body. There was a soft kiss against his nape, followed by a warm exhale.

Suddenly, his heart started to pump faster, euphoria taking over. The way the kiss felt was enough to know who it was.

“You came,” he whispered, a little worried that Hyungwon would get soaked in his sweat.

“I did,” was the low reply and the king chuckled briefly. “This time it wasn't even illegal. But I wanted privacy, so I requested to see you here instead of asking you to be brought to the visiting room. How are you feeling?”

The king brushed over his shoulders, obviously not caring about his sweat before he turned him around and kissed his lips. The blonde man was dressed more officially, suit pants and a white shirt in addition to various jewels and signs of his status. He wasn't wearing the crown but a different piece of jewelry. The stones had the same color as his eyes.

“You look stunning,” he breathed out again, showing everything he felt on his face until he remembered the talk of his prison mates.

“Are you dolling up for your upcoming wedding?” he added, crossing his swollen arms in front of his chest and narrowing his gaze.

“What?” Hyungwon looked genuinely shocked, eyes widening a little. “It's not even really decided yet. How have rumors managed to spread again?” He didn't look guilty and only tightened his hold around Hoseok’s waist, like he wanted to make sure that he stayed close.

_So he is really getting married._

“Ah, so it's true. I guess I'm not exciting enough, even though I didn't even show you the fun stuff. I can do way more, I can make you beg, but well, you can experiment of course. Who am I to tell you who to engage with?” Thinking about it, he sounded like a stupid teenager, but it was too late.

The change was instant as bright red color spread over Hyungwon's cheeks and he bit down on his bottom lip.

“I- I didn't think that- you're not exciting, never. It's- oh god. It's not about that, Hoseok.” It was painfully obvious how embarrassed the blonde man was, attempting to hide his face without letting go of Hoseok’s waist.

“What did you think? That you would be better off with a girl? It's probably true, I mean, I'm just a prisoner, so who am I to tell you what to do with your life? Tell me if your wedding night was any good,” he hissed.

“There won't be a wedding night. Hoseok-” Hyungwon tightened his grip even further and finally returned his big eyes to his face. “I'm marrying Lucy.”

_He what?_

“You are marrying Lucy? Hyungwon, it's not something you can just decide by yourself, she's not a person who will just do what you like, only because you're the king. Why would you do this to her? She didn't do anything bad for you to force her into this bullshit.” His eyes widened and he grabbed the other man's chin with his thumb and index finger, coming closer to look him in the eyes.

“You- you misunderstood. I would never do this without her consent, Hoseok. I was at her apartment a week ago and proposed the idea to her. It's not about me, Hoseok, it's about her and her opportunity to make a difference in politics. I want her to be a candidate as soon as we abolish the advisor system. I want for her to be able to participate independent of her skin color and it won't be possible unless she raises her status. That is what I have offered her through marriage, to become queen and to run for office.” The king spoke carefully, like every thought and word was well structured in his head, arranged and thought about for days before. “I want her to be heard, Hoseok.”

_Holy fuck._

“So, you're saying that you're marrying my best friend, who's a lesbian, because you want her to participate in elections? So- it's not about you not finding me exciting enough?” Loosening his grip on Hyungwon's chin, he looked down and licked over his lips.

“Oh god, Hoseok, of course not. I love you and there is nobody I have feelings for apart from you. My whole body burns up when you look at me through your black bangs alone, how can I not find you exciting enough?” The bright red color was still covering Hyungwon's cheeks like he was thinking about Hoseok’s previous words, chewing on his lips.

“As we already skipped this topic, I miss you. I miss touching you and I miss your warm body. I can't believe that I have to wait two more weeks.” Hoseok threw his head back and groaned.

“I- I miss you too. I try to avoid sexual thoughts much like I did before I met you.” The blonde man exhaled roughly and stroked over his sweat-coveted back. “I'm so glad that you have recovered, that your strength has returned and those horrible people have no more control over you. They have been punished.”

“I've been working out to kick their asses, so they're a little cautious now. The physical exams, it was your doing, wasn't it?” He smiled, leaning forward and connecting their lips for a brief moment. “Thank you.”

“I am so glad there was something I was able to do. I love you, Hoseok. I cannot wait until I am finally able to look at stars with you again, without anybody disturbing us or forcing us apart.” Hyungwon chuckled and squeezed his muscular arm playfully. “But what was it about making me beg? Are you questioning my authority?”

“What? What authority? You know that I don't care about you being king. I can make you beg by giving or not giving you the maximum amount of pleasure. Want to try it out?” He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.

It was amusing to see how all fake bravery disappeared and Hyungwon licked over his lips quickly, hands playing with the fabric of Hoseok’s t-shirt.

“A- as you like. You look so much better, really. It makes me happy.”

“I hate this, I want to see you naked,” he whined, forgetting that his love was marrying his best friend for weird reasons.

If he was honest it was a mess, all of it. Nothing was clear, he had no idea how he would continue living once he was released from prison, how he would deal with Hyungwon being married, what it would mean for them and their relationship.

_You know nothing and you will continue to know nothing, simply running somewhere, without having a direction and hoping that someday the situation will change for you and him._

 

 

***

 

It felt unusual to sign documents on his own. It also felt empowering somehow to be the one to bring about a decision, one that Hoseok had already given him enough support for.

Hyungwon missed him, he missed him more than he had imagined himself capable of. His thoughts circulated around the day the black-haired man would finally be released and he could finally hold him in his arms again.

Smiling a little to himself at the thought of seeing Hoseok’s face, even if it was just for a few moments, he slipped out of his official clothes. They were too attention seeking for what he was planning.

Switching his attire to completely black clothes, Hyungwon pulled his boots on and opened the door. He instantly met the brown eyes of his two bodyguards, standing next to the door like statues. Nothing happened for a few seconds until David suddenly sighed.

“Again, your majesty?”

Hyungwon smiled apologetically and made his way along the hallway. The two of them had gotten a little tired off constantly breaking into the prison and keeping the guards unconscious while Hyungwon enjoyed his time with Hoseok.

He hadn't even realized how reckless he had been when he showed their intimacy to Corbin. The other man hadn't really commented on the fact that he had seen the king kiss the prince consort. Hyungwon was thankful for that.

_Because you don't know how to talk about this yet._

“I will need you two to keep the way clear for a little longer this time,” he remarked as he jumped into one of his private cars, without a plate to remain incognito. David was a good driver so he left it to him. Only later had he realized that Lucy was a rather risky driver in comparison.

“Why am I not surprised, your majesty?” Corbin asked and jumped into the car next to him. Both of them were dressed inconspicuously, almost as if they had known his plans. “I never imagined that the king would be an expert at sneaking around and beating the shit out of people.”

“For safety,” Hyungwon pointed out, feeling a little defensive.

David merely hummed as he made his way out of the palace, following the familiar path to the prison that was outside of the city.

_Just like the palace. It doesn't matter if you are a criminal or the royal family._

It didn't take long until David smoothly slid into a parking spot, far enough to be unsuspicious. It almost felt like routine at this point. They used their knowledge of the prison blueprints to get in and David and Corbin knocked out the main guards. There was no reason to get rid of the others, they only needed to be avoided.

“Hurry up, your majesty,” Corbin murmured as he carefully lowered a guard to the ground. The poor man hadn't even known what hit him.

Hyungwon nodded and sprinted towards Hoseok’s cell, opening it with the keys he had stolen.

“Surprise,” he whispered with a smile when his eyes settled on Hoseok lying on the bed.

The other man's eyes were huge as he sat up, bangs flying in the air and jumping down from the bed landing in a Taekwondo pose for no reason. His pale, marble like arms flexed, just like Hoseok's pale thighs, as he was only wearing underwear.

“Fuck off or I'll kick you in the nuts.”

“Ehm-” Hyungwon began, but really didn't know what to say. He hadn't expected such a reaction to his appearance. Rather, it should have been euphoric like the last time, a smile and instant embrace. “Please don't.”

“Hyungwon?” The other man asked arms dropping down and mouth opening in surprise. “What- what are you doing here?”

“Surprising you, like before,” he replied and licked over his lips. “Like Romeo that visits Juliet at night, unable to be close and only talking to her from a distance.”

“What? What the fuck, Hyungwon? You're the king and I'm a muscular man who's in prison because of a crime, what are you even talking about? Are you drunk?” The black-haired, half naked man came closer, looking at him intently.

“I- what?” Hyungwon was really confused at this point. It seemed like Hoseok had stopped understanding his metaphors and comparisons. “But the thought counts. I'm your love, right? I'm your lover and I came to see you.” He really wanted to hug Hoseok but the warning from before kept him away.

_You'd easily beat him but you're still worried._

“You're not my lover,” Hoseok murmured, stepping closer, so close that he could feel the other man's breath against his lips. “You're my love, the only one I ever think about, my strength and my weakness. Fuck Romeo and Juliet, they can't compare.”

Hyungwon chuckled and curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck.

“You're probably right, but when I die, I would love for it to be with you.” Smiling, he raked through the other man's hair and placed a kiss on his lips. He didn't have much time and he still wanted to do so much. “May I show you something?”

“You broke into the prison to show me something? God, I love you so much, fuck my life.” The warm arms curled around him and Hoseok leaned in, pressing his lips against the skin of his neck.

“Yeah, but you need to come along for this. The guards said we should hurry up.” He was glad about the sudden confession. It was nice to hear, almost as if everything wasn't as bad as he thought, even though he couldn't be close to the black-haired man and see him every day without breaking at least five laws.

Licking over Hoseok’s lips quickly, he let go and circled the other man's wrist with his fingers, pulling him out of the cell. They had to be quiet and as invisible as possible. Hyungwon's hat was already a great help.

“Stop!” Hoseok hissed and pulled him back into the cell. “I'm crazy, but I'm definitely not going to go out in underwear.” The black-haired man grabbed the jeans lying on a wooden chair and slipped into them quickly, before pulling the black t-shirt over his upper body, covering the beautiful sight.

The other man was right, of course he was. Had it been several months ago, Hyungwon would have said it first, covered his eyes in shame and asked Hoseok to dress. But it was different now. Very different.

“No-one will see you apart from me and-” He swallowed because it was still difficult to admit to such thoughts of his. “I- I kinda like you like that.”

“Did I get conservative?” Hoseok asked with a grin before grabbing him by the waist and pulling him flush against his chest, warm mouth attaching to his and hot tongue parting his lips.

Hyungwon gasped, unable to help it. It seemed like his body was tuned to every touch he was blessed with, almost like it had been back then, terrified of what would happen. He hadn't been close to Hoseok for weeks and it almost felt like a dream.

His body responded instantly and he lifted his arms above his head, keeping them out of the way as he kissed back and wasn't able to suppress the whimper that left his lips.

_You can't, Hyungwon, not here._

Instead of breaking the contact, Hyungwon tugged the black-haired man closer. Hoseok fit perfectly with one of his muscular thighs between his own, keeping him flush against the cold wall.

“Fuck my life, you're everything I've ever wanted, Hyungwon,” the black-haired man breathed against his lips, licking over them slowly while his ocean-blue eyes kept him on the edge with how intense they seemed.

“I feel the same, it's like I'm a flower in a glass cage, unable to bloom. But you lifted it and now I burn up at the mere sight of your eyes.” Hyungwon gasped again and felt helpless with his own responses. His hips moved forward and his lips parted in a moan. He shouldn't be doing this, he really shouldn't.

_But you're desperate._

“How much time do you have?” Hoseok asked and pressed him against the wall. He felt how the other man's thick erection pressed against his groin while sharp teeth nibbled on his bottom lip.

“I- I don't know. Hopefully about f-forty minutes,” Hyungwon whispered and covered his mouth with his palm, worried about the sounds that were leaving his lips and instantly revealing his state. He felt like he had almost no control over it, body burning up like a line of gasoline and moving along quickly.

“Forty? Good, I was expecting five,” the black-haired man whispered against his ear before sinking down to his knees and undoing the button of his jeans. “But don’t tell anyone.”

_Oh god._

“You- but- oh god.” He gave up and threw his head back, covering his eyes instead of his mouth to keep his composure. It was difficult with the sight of Hoseok between his legs. The black-haired man must have wanted to make him lose his composure and every little ounce of control. “Shit.”

It was impressive how quick and precise Hoseok's movements were, pulling his underwear down and closing his beautiful, warm and curved lips around his length, sucking harshly and playing with his tongue along the connection between head and shaft.

“Hoseok- fuck-” he cursed before glancing down and covering his mouth, containing loud moans and whimpers that were muffled but still audible. Hoseok was making him lose his mind in a matter of seconds. It didn't even matter where he was and what situation they were in. His surroundings blurred into a mass of various shades of black and those ocean-blue eyes that looked up at him, remaining sharp like a razor while they watched him. His erection twitched between Hoseok’s lips at the sight and he would have been embarrassed had he not been drowning in pleasure that instant, begging and mumbling something into his own palm that he wasn't aware of.

The black-haired man was holding his hips in an iron grip while sinking down until the pretty, curved lips touched his skin, tip hitting the back of the other man's throat while the muffled moans sent vibrations through his body.

It was impossible to keep his senses and not simply slip down the dirty wall. Hyungwon only remained in place because of Hoseok, sinking the fingers of his left hand into the black hair and tugging it a little. His lower body felt like it was on fire, orgasm almost traceable.

Hoseok could probably feel him twitching between his lips as he sucked harsher, fingers tightening in his skin. It was enough of a sign to pull his hand back and cover his mouth with it, whimpering and moaning loudly as he released himself down Hoseok’s throat, muffling the sounds as well as he could. It felt so good that his legs shook at the pleasure.

The black-haired man sucked up, placing a kiss on his lower stomach and tucking him back into his underwear, before rising from his knees and brushing the dirt from his jeans.

Hyungwon's vision was still blurry and he tried to return his senses by breathing in deeply and holding the air in his lungs for a few moments.

“Hoseok, you- oh god,” he muttered and covered his blushed face, burning under his fingertips.

“You're gorgeous, especially when you blush like this, makes me want to kiss you,” the other man commented and smiled at him while holding him by the waist. “But you wanted to show me something, so let's go.”

Hyungwon grabbed the black-haired man by the collar and pulled him closer, clashing their lips together.

“Why do you always please me? It feels so unfair to me,” he murmured and licked into Hoseok’s mouth, a little surprised by the taste.

“It's not unfair, you look so beautiful when you come.” There was a playful smile on Hoseok's face as he watched him intently from under his black bangs. “You remind me of a blooming flower, your majesty,” he added.

“Thank you, but- don't… say the first thing. It's embarrassing,” he murmured and pushed himself off the wall. He really hoped he wasn't as obvious as he felt, with everything written on his features. Inhaling deeply, he grabbed Hoseok’s wrist again.

“You look stunning when you come inside my mouth,” Hoseok commented and grinned, before sticking out his tongue.

Hyungwon glanced away to not have very vivid images of the other man's words inside his head.

“You- you're also beautiful when you feel pleasure,” he whispered and hoped Hoseok wasn't going to make it any worse. He had no idea how much of what had happened between them was visible and David and Corbin were already sufficiently challenged with his constant requests.

Tugging Hoseok along with him outside the cell, he was immensely grateful that the man he was in love with wasn't very concerned with rules and regulations. Otherwise Hyungwon might have had to force him to come out, break another few laws.

“What I want to show you is beautiful too, I promise.”

“Fine, you're already making me excited by walking next to me, can't wait.” Hoseok smiled beautifully, putting one hand into the pocket of his jeans, probably to hide his arousal.

“I'm sorry,” Hyungwon mumbled again until they finally reached David who was crouching on the ground and watching one of the guards he had knocked out. It looked a little intimidating.

“We shall go up now, I hope you can still give us another half an hour,” he remarked quietly.

David glanced up and raised an eyebrow. That was probably a very bad sign and Hyungwon barely resisted the urge to hide his face and run back to the cell.

“Of course, your majesty,” the muscular man replied and nodded at him.

“Long time no see,” Hoseok murmured in the other man's direction before turning to him. “Where are we going?”

“You'll see.” Hyungwon's heartbeat was picking up and he really hoped that Hoseok would like the sight. The prison was placed very much in the middle of nowhere and was barely lit. It was going to be beautiful.

Sneaking to a large staircase, he climbed up. He didn't say anything and neither did Hoseok as they made their way up, one flight of stairs after another.

When it wasn't possible to go any further, he passed through a door and climbed up a single ladder. It reminded him of himself a few months ago.

“Familiar, isn't it?” he whispered and smiled, opening the hatchway.

“I would've been surprised if this didn't involve some kind of climbing.” The black-haired man chuckled and followed him.

The air that hit his nose as soon as he stuck his head through the opening was impossibly refreshing, as if it was him that never saw the light of day instead of the beautiful man next to him. Hyungwon smiled and moved to the side to give Hoseok enough space to climb out himself.

The roof wasn't big, not at all. It was obvious that nobody ever came up there. There was just enough space to lie down next to each other and stare up at the clear sky, perfect for Hyungwon's purpose.

Hoseok didn't move and stared at the sky with an unwavering gaze.

Hyungwon smiled at that, grateful that the sight left an impression on the other man. The night sky was gorgeous, covered with a mass of small stars that coalesced into the milky way. It was perfectly visible with how dark and cloudless it was.

“Do you like it?” he asked and wrapped his arms around Hoseok’s waist from behind, leaning his head on top of the black-haired man's shoulder. It had gotten warmer again, almost as pleasant it had been when Hoseok and him met in the garden for the first time.

“Mhm,” the black-haired man hummed, reaching behind himself and stroking over his hair in return. “But I like it even more because you're next to me, makes it seem as if it will be okay.”

“I'm sure it will.” He couldn't say it for certain, but it somehow felt like it would. So many things were changing in an impressively short amount of time. Hyungwon was on the brink of changing the system, of having the first dark-skinned queen in the history of their country and at the same time the first king to be in love with a man.

_As far as you know._

“Do you… think any kings before me have ever loved a man?” he asked quietly and placed a kiss on Hoseok’s nape. It was warm and soft against his lips, like kissing a cloud.

“Don't know, I just know that it’s okay, because a person is free to love, you can't take that away. Fact is that you're making yourself vulnerable with this. I was treated like shit in here, not because I was a noble, but because I spoke out for equal rights, it's very deeply internalized in society and it won't change over a few months.” Hoseok leaned against him a little, broad back warming his chest.

Hyungwon knew, he had seen it more than enough. The demonstration had not only made people think, there have also been those who saw it as a justification for violence. A few of the people that attended the event had been beaten up for their participation and different beliefs. It was disgusting and there was no solution yet, it was a plight with no quick fix?.

“I wish it would,” he murmured and inhaled deeply. “I want to kiss you without misgiving, but I am also willing to hide it if it means that you stay with me. I love you, Hoseok.”

“I love you too. So much,” the other man whispered, head resting on his shoulder. “I wanted to ask you something. Do you think it's okay to sacrifice personal beliefs and stop fighting for your values if it means that you will get personal happiness in return?”

“I think that it depends on what matters to you. Will you be genuinely happy? Then that should be the right choice. Will you regret not having followed your values? Then maybe it would not be real happiness in the end.” He observed the way the shade of white varied between the stars, making them seem like an ocean of little lights. Almost like the black-haired man's eyes, stormy and calm at the same time.

“What if both feel incomplete?” the other man asked again, before turning around and focusing his gaze on him, stormy and so beautiful.

“Then the choice lies with what one desires more.”

It was a difficult question. Hyungwon couldn't really imagine what it was about exactly, but it seemed important to the black-haired man. It was easy to read it in Hoseok’s eyes.

_It's something that he cares about._

He smiled as an image suddenly appeared in front of his inner eye, answering the question with Hoseok’s own words.

“You need to choose what feels right, Hoseok.”

“It's hard,” the low voice whispered as the black-haired man pulled him flush against his muscular chest and let their foreheads touch.

Hyungwon hugged back and hummed. He didn't know what it was about, but he wished that he could help. There was something desperate in the way the black-haired man acted and it couldn't be related to his imprisonment, not at that moment.

“There are a lot of difficult decisions. It's scary,” he whispered and kissed the familiar curved lips, feeling how the touch relaxed him instantly. “I'm happy when you are next to me.”

“I am happy too when you're next to me. I only wish we were in some kind of vacuum.” The blue eyes focused on him again. “I love you, but I don't know what's right.”

“Vacuum? You mean all on our own without other people?” Hyungwon thought about that. It sounded nice at first, but there was also something scary to it. Like everything would remain still around them and they wouldn't change anymore. “I fear it would make us stand still, remain the same forever. Also, don't you want to see Lucy and Yewon, the people you care about?”

“I do, but if I change and see the people around me, I feel that I can't be selfish,” Hoseok whispered, kissing his lips carefully.

“What exactly do you mean? I'm struggling to follow. Are you thinking about political work versus a peaceful life in which you surround yourself with the people you care about?” Hyungwon made sure to hold Hoseok close and kiss his lips again, keeping the contact for as long as possible. He didn't want to think about separation.

_But you will have to. Your time with him is limited._

“No, I'm thinking whether I can just go back to the palace and act as if nothing happened or if I have to leave you, Yewon and Lucy behind and go somewhere far away.” Hoseok looked emotional, as if it was hard to say the words. His eyes were watery and his pink tongue licked over his dry lips repeatedly.

_He wants to leave?_

Hyungwon's eyes widened and it was difficult to breathe. The thought of the black-haired man leaving as soon as he was released from prison hurt. It was like a nightmare, but even worse.

“You- you want to leave us behind? But… but why? Why would you disappear when I can finally have you back? I can't be without you, Hoseok. I need you. Will you be happy on your own?” His mind was racing to come up with something, to understand why Hoseok would want to leave and not be with him anymore. Of course, he knew that the other man hated the palace, he always had.

_But he also said that your presence makes it bearable._

“Is it something I did? Is it because I haven't accomplished all the changes, I set out to do? I'm sorry, Hoseok, I'll try harder, I promise.” The break in emotions was instant as he felt the sudden need to cry and sink to the floor, beg the black-haired man to stay. Instead he sucked a deep breath into his lungs and kept it there, begging his emotions to remain under control.  
“You did nothing, besides being the most amazing person I know, Hyungwon. You are everything I’ve ever wanted, it’s just- you’re the king and I’m a criminal. I will probably keep being a criminal after I’m out, I will be a burden to Yewon and you and I will probably want to do more, to try more, to put you in more danger. The palace- is it really the place for me after this? Can I just throw every concern away and glue myself to you? Or can I just kidnap you and go away with you? I probably can’t. Fuck.” Hoseok exhaled sharply and looked up to the stars, chewing on his lips repeatedly.

_He can't. He can't leave with you and he might be miserable in the palace._

“I'm-” Hyungwon swallowed and looked up as well, trying to contain the tears by staring up, believing in gravity. “I'm the king, Hoseok. I can't just leave all of this behind. It's my responsibility and I have been taught to do this. It's the only thing I can do. Would it be okay to drop everything and continue with the current state of society? I'm not sure.” His body shivered as if it had gotten cold suddenly. “You're not a criminal. You have served your sentence and are like everybody else. I won't allow anybody to hurt you.”

“You saying it makes it sound so nice. What is your ideal world, Hyungwon? If someone would come and promise you to make it come true, what would you tell him?” Hoseok was crying, but his voice was steady as his fingers travelled along his neck, brushing over the shell of his ear tenderly.

_What is your dream world?_

“It changed a lot since I met you,” Hyungwon began and almost had to chuckle at how he imagined himself as a strong king who could defeat anybody and had the people's trust while creating a successor with a beautiful queen. It was different now. “I think it would be a world in which there is no discrimination against people only because of particular features. A world in which I could take a walk and be grateful for what I see. A world that allows me to kiss whenever I wish and to marry you instead of who I am forced or asked to marry. A world that allows Lucy to be politically active without having to raise her status. I-” he paused again, swallowing. “I want to be a good leader while loving and being loved.”

“It sounds nice and you definitely deserve it. It’s crazy, the depth of our thoughts, and we’re only nineteen. I want to make you feel loved as much as I can and I will love you as much as I can. I promise you. Until you don’t want me anymore.” The black-haired man kissed him, muscular arms curling tight around his waist as he melted in Hoseok’s embrace. The other man’s body made him feel warm in the middle of nowhere, under the shining stars.

It felt safe despite the craziness of the situation. They were standing on the roof of a prison, the place where the prince consort was kept while the king visited him at night and sneaked him up to the roof. Both of them were utterly and dangerously crazy, but Hyungwon wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

It wasn't only about him and the ideal world that he had created for himself. It had to be a mixture, something that blessed a majority of people with happiness. Hyungwon wished that Hoseok would be one of those happy individuals.

“Please stay with me for as long as I am able to make you happy then,” he replied and inhaled the familiar scent. It mixed with the scent of prison walls and sweat, but Hyungwon didn't care a single bit.

_It's not that simple, is it? Love isn't really sufficient to be happy._

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I saw and experienced things. And you're wrong, they weren't bearable before either. You were and still are the only reason that I'm here at all,” he whispered. “But it seems as if it's not enough. Do you want more? What is it that you want? For me to live next to your bed. Here?” Hoseok pointed at the floor and sat down, looking up at the tall, blonde man. “Is it fine like this, your majesty, or should I take a different spot?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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“Long time no see, Lee Hoseok,” Jeremy commented while grinning brightly. “I thought it was the prison, not the gym.”

_He's mocking you._

Chuckling, he slapped the boy's shoulder, hoping that it was painful enough to stop joking and glanced at the backseat with disgust. He started hating the backseat since the police had thrown him there while transporting him. It was weird how experiences influenced his perception gradually. It had been a month since he was locked in the small, moist cell, but he felt as if years had passed, as if he had become a different person.

“Let me drive,” he commented and grabbed Jeremy's hand, tugging harshly and hereby pulling the slightly taller man out of the car. “I haven't been behind a wheel for ages. You're allowed to sit next to me, I'll take you for a ride.” Throwing his bag into his guard's hands, Hoseok climbed into the driver's seat and turned the engine on, feeling how the stick shift vibrated in his right hand. It felt amazing, like having wings, being able to drive wherever he liked.

“But his majesty said to bring you to the palace immediately,” the other man murmured, buckling up and glancing at him with all signs of major dissatisfaction on his face.

“So? Are you my guard or his guard? He's probably scared that I'll run away. Not yet. I have nowhere to go yet. Let's go for a drive,” he whispered, pushing the gear shift into the first position and driving away from the dark grey walls and the smell of urine and blood that permeated the small cells and narrow hallways.

While living at home, or at the palace, he kept having this one dream. It was always the same, him, a big black jeep and driving away from everything. The palace had never been a home to him and neither was his parent’s villa, but the Jeep felt like freedom, so he kept driving, further and further away from everything, leaving the pressure and the prison of his existence behind.

It was his favorite dream.

“It's risky. What if someone sees you and wants to kill you? Now that you have provided several reasons to.” Jeremy looked concerned as they drove over the river, water glistening with the last rays of sunshine and ready to turn into a dark stream reflecting the city lights. “But- but thank you so much for speaking up at the demonstration, it means a lot. A lot of people were talking about it, a lot of my friends. It might not be visible yet, but it really makes a difference.”

_It does? You did well, Hoseok. You did._

“Thank you for saying that. I got quite some shit for it in prison. Crazy, right? Why do they bother about whether I think sucking dick is okay? I don't tell them what or who to fuck, and I'm also not really interested. They're worried about their kids? Listen, Derek, if being gay was contagious then being hetero would be too. Do I look hetero to you? I hope not.” He huffed and stopped at the red traffic light, fingers curling around the leather wheel tightly. When he turned to the side, Hoseok could see Jeremy staring at him with huge eyes.

“Uh, I don't think we ever talked about stuff like this,” the boy muttered and looked to the side. Hoseok slapped his shoulder and chuckled.

“Oh come on, you know that I'm crazy and you know that I'm tattooed and definitely not hetero and if you try telling me that you are I won't believe you anyway, so let's just be honest. But I also know that you'll probably marry a girl and act like the perfect family for your parents to be happy. Who am I to tell you anything? I'm literally living this for everybody to see.” Hoseok sighed and brushed back his black bangs.

“You're hot,” Jeremy murmured again, barely audibly and his cheeks turned a pretty pink. The boy looked gorgeous and the compliment made Hoseok smile while he opened the window and let the wind play with his hair.

“You're hot too, but I'm hopelessly in love while having exactly zero opportunities to live a happy life. You should pity me instead of thinking that I'm hot.” Chuckling, he parked the car on the bridge on the other side of the city and stepped out, leaning over the railing to watch the already black colored water flow past him.

“You know, I would love to throw away my personal concerns and do whatever I want, but I can't. He-” Hoseok started, but didn't finish, remembering that any information could put Hyungwon in danger.

“He's the king?” Jeremy whispered next to him and placed one of his big, warm palms on his shoulder.

There was no point in lying, Jeremy had helped him enter the king's chamber, dressed like a guard and had stood in front of his room countless of times. He would have been stupid or very ignorant not to notice.

“Mhm. And I can't change it. I want him and he wants to be king. It doesn't fit, you know?”

“But would you be able to do whatever you want with a person who wasn't king? I think you're living in an illusion. If you were in love with me it would be the same, Hoseok. You would live next to me, or pretend that we're friends until it would get suspicious and you would go out with a girl, masking the truth. You wouldn't be able to kiss me on the street, to hug me goodbye or be affectionate. It's the society, it's not his status. The outside needs to change, you know? And he's doing a good job so far, only- I wish there was someone like you representing people like me.” Jeremy's full lips parted to let out a sigh as he leaned against his arms and looked down at the water.

“You're right. It just feels unfair to me. Unfair that there's a person I love, but can't be with. Who the fuck decides that? And if someone does, then they should fuck off.” Biting down on his bottom lip, Hoseok felt the anger boiling in his veins. “I want to have rights too.”

“Then go into the opposition party, we- we are looking for a leader, someone who will represent us in the new parliament that will be elected. It would be awesome to have someone like you, Hoseok.” Jeremy turned to him, brown eyes looking at him full of hope and desperation.

_You can represent the people who need a voice, Hoseok._

“I- I can try,” he whispered, realization what this meant spreading in his brain and clouding his senses, along with the fresh breeze that came from the river.

_If you want something, you have to fight for it._

“I think I really want to be a candidate for the opposition.”

 

_

 

It was dark when he parked the black jeep in front of the huge entrance. No-one came out to greet him, it was way too late and he was thankful. There was only Jeremy who kept smiling at him, as if he had promised to save the world.

“Why are you so happy? Because you're friends with a criminal?” he asked and grinned brightly, letting the other man hug him.

“I thought you were really different when I first met you and you told me that my eyes are pretty. Thank you so much, you're amazing, really.” The taller man circled his arms around him and squeezed.

“Ah, don't kill me, I just came out of prison, have mercy.” Ruffling up the boy's hair, Hoseok stepped back and smiled. “Go have some free time and a nice meal with your parents. I'm not afraid of anything now, seriously. This place is nothing in comparison, I'll go see the reason for my misery.”

Nodding, the other man disappeared in the car and drove off, waving at him repeatedly. It was cute.

_You should see Hyungwon._

He didn't bother to take the official entrance and simply walked around, entering the familiar cellar and climbing up the stairs. Nodding at David and Corbin, he opened the door to one of the rooms and slipped inside quickly without making a single noise. Being in prison had taught him quite a few useful things.

Bridging the distance to the king’s chambers, he circled his fingers around the handle and pressed it, opening the door a tiny bit and glancing inside.

Hyungwon was going back and forth repeatedly. He started from his bed, walked all the way to the desk and back. It was like he was thinking about something impatiently. The blonde man chewed his cheek and wasn't dressed in his pajamas even though it was way past midnight. Hyungwon must have overheard Hoseok which was rather unusual.

Slipping inside quietly he walked behind the beautiful, blonde man, before wrapping his arms around his slim waist from behind and pressing the long body against his own, lips present a kiss against Hyungwon's nape.

There was a loud gasp as the king turned around and stared at him with big, ice-blue eyes.

“Where have you been? I thought something happened to you. Fuck, I was afraid that you might be dead, Hoseok!” he exclaimed, cursing even though it wasn't really like him. The golden hands were shivering a little as they curled into the fabric of his shirt. The king looked terrified.

He thought about the other man's words and it seemed possible so he nodded.

“Yeah, I could've been shot. I went for a drive with Jeremy and we confessed on the bridge, I'm sorry I couldn't come back immediately, I would've jumped out of the window.” He leaned in and kissed Hyungwon's gorgeous plump lips, licking over the soft surface slowly and enjoying the feeling.

The king froze in his arms, lips pressing together into a thin line. He looked uncomfortable.

“You confessed on the bridge?”

“Yeah, he is really cute and we made plans, but I sent him back so that he can eat a nice meal and have a free day tomorrow because I'm not really scared of this place anymore after what I've seen. Why aren't you sleeping?” he asked and brushed a stray blonde strand behind the other man's pretty ear.

The switch in expression was sudden and at the same time unusual. Hyungwon looked angry, eyes widening a little.

“Let me sum up. You drove around with your bodyguard, confessed your love to him and then sent him away even though his job is to protect you. That's simply- splendid, really.” Peeling his hands off, Hyungwon stepped back and inhaled sharply. His index finger was drawing calm motions over his temple. “It's not about how endangered you feel, Hoseok. It's about staying safe and I can't bear the thought of somebody hurting you again. I've been waiting all this time for you. I believed that you would want to see me.”

_Confessed love? What?_

“Wait what? We just talked about being gay and I sent him away because if someone wants to hurt me, I can't prevent it anyway. They will try, believe me. Furthermore, I really wanted to see you, but at the same time I wanted to run away from the palace. The problem is that you're the king who lives in the palace, so it was a hard decision.” His arms fell to the side, much like this expression fell at the spoken words. “You didn't want to see me?”

“Are you even listening to what I'm saying? I was _waiting_ for you. I sat here, right there-” Hyungwon pointed at the cold floor next to to his bed, “and waited for you to walk through this door. There is nothing that I wanted more than to see you. I- I didn't think coming to the palace was that horrible for you. Bad enough to delay seeing me again. These glass walls were bearable before, what happened?”

“I saw and experienced things. And you're wrong, they weren't bearable before either, Hyungwon. You were and still are the only reason that I'm here at all,” he whispered. “But it seems as if it's not enough. Do you want more? What is it that you want? For me to live next to your bed. Here?” Hoseok pointed at the floor and sat down, looking up at the tall, blonde man. “Is it fine like this, your majesty, or should I take a different spot?”

“What- no, I-” Hyungwon stuttered, shocked by his behavior. His eyes remained wide and the blonde man curled his hands into fists. “I'm sorry. I thought my presence makes the palace bearable and it just hurt to know that my presence alone isn't enough anymore. In addition, I waited all this time to have you tell me that you went on a trip with another man and confessed to him. What was I supposed to think?”

The way Hyungwon stepped closer towards him revealed how tired he looked, skin a little paler than usual and not because of makeup.

“I simply missed you, Hoseok, and your words hurt because they sounded like you don't give a single shit anymore.”

“I have never, even once in my life felt so much and did so much for one single person. I went for a drive with him because he had a car and it prevented me from kicking him unconscious and running away somewhere far away from here. You're the only reason I'm here, don't you understand? Just tell me that you don't want me and we won't see each other again, I promise.” He didn't know why he hurt himself by saying the worst possible thing that could happen to him, but he just felt unfairly treated. He had to deal with a month of prison all by himself and with the fact that he couldn't be next to the person he loved no matter what happened. At the same time feeling as if the ceiling was falling on top of his head as soon as he entered a building.

“Shut up,” Hyungwon cursed and crossed the distance, dropping his slim body on top of Hoseok’s lap and curling his lean arms around his neck. He was crying. “You know that I want you. I want nothing else but you. I'm so fucking scared that I'm not enough to make you happy and you will leave. Please don't leave me. You don't have to be in the palace. We can find a place outside for you to live if that's what you need but please don't abandon me. I was so sure that you had decided to leave when you didn't come immediately, just like you said on the prison roof. I-” There was a loud sob as the king buried his face in his shoulder and soaked it with tears, whole body shivering.

“You. You are the reason for everything I do, Hyungwon. I love you more than life and I want to be with you. I want to be able to love you and to be next to you. You're everything for me and I'm saying that you should tell me to leave because I'm so fucking scared that you will, considering there's nothing I can do for you. There's nothing, Hyungwon, I'm nothing.” His tears started dropping down as he melted into Hyungwon's embrace.

“Bullshit. You're Hoseok, the most considerate and intelligent person I know. You don't need to be more than yourself, that's everything I need.” The blonde man was still sniffing repeatedly when he lifted his head, eyes shining with fresh tears and reflecting the light of the room. “I need you next to me. I can't do this alone, it's too much, Hoseok. I can't fucking do it. I'm like a shell, the title isn't enough.”

“But do you really need me? I don't know what to. On the one hand I want to run away from all of this and on the other hand I want to glue myself to you. I think I'm going crazy, you make me go crazy, Hyungwon,” he whispered, hands slipping under the other man's button down to feel more skin, more of the person under all those clothes. “I have the feeling that I've lost something, but I don't know what it is and I keep searching and searching without a result.”

“I feel like I lost my childhood and my parents, all of it in one day,” Hyungwon whispered and closed his eyes for a few seconds. “Mother left last week. I'm scared to be left here all on my own, constantly suspecting that someone is going to hurt me. It drives me mad.”

_The queen left too?_

“What about Yewon? Is she okay? I didn't even ask about her or Lucy, I'm going nuts. I- I won't leave you alone, Hyungwon, I swear, I won't ever leave you, ever, I will stay with you as long as you like,” he muttered and leaned back, pulling his t-shirt over his head. He wanted to throw away his clothes, to engulf Hyungwon's body into his own in the warmth of the other man's breath.

“You're not alone either, Hoseok. You have me,” the king muttered and attached his lips to Hoseok’s shoulder, inhaling deeply. The slim man seemed to yearn for the proximity as much as he did, shaking a little. “Yewon- she's okay. She basically told everybody off who called her the wife of a criminal and she participated in the women's march last Saturday. In her royal dress. She is almost never here either. I saw you more often than I saw her. How are you? Have you been hurt?”

“I want to feel you, I have the thought that you're the product of my imagination. I want to feel you under my fingertips, against my chest and my legs and I want to kiss you, please, Hyungwon,” he begged, lips immediately attaching to the only patch of naked skin he could find that happened to be the other man's neck.

The gorgeous man nodded carefully and unbuttoned the first button of his white shirt, moving down gradually until the last one was undone. Hyungwon seemed emotional, breathing quicker and chewing on his bottom lip as he stared into Hoseok’s eyes. The suit pants were next, zipper moving down and black fabric slipping down Hyungwon's long legs. The king had to stand up for the motion.

“Completely?” he whispered and hooked his thumb into his underwear, light blush appearing on his cheeks and chest.

“You don't have to, if you feel uncomfortable, but I don't want anything between us,” he whispered while getting rid of his underwear. When he was completely naked, he stepped closer to the tall man, but hesitated to embrace him for some reason. Maybe because they hadn't been close for so long and so many things had changed.

_You both have changed too._

Hyungwon merely nodded again and pulled the black briefs down his legs, arranging them at the side like the rest of his clothing. His breaths picked up as he sucked his plump lips into his mouth and lifted his arms to wrap them around Hoseok’s neck. The blonde man was waiting for him to bridge the last step.

_You only have each other, Hoseok._

Inhaling deeply, he embraced the beautiful, blonde man, stroking over the golden skin that he had missed so much. After a few seconds passed, he let his arm circle around Hyungwon's slim waist and pulled him flush against his body, gasping at the feeling of warm skin finally meeting his own.

“I only have you.”

The king held his breath as their skin touched, long fingers brushing over his shoulders and neck as if he was worried that Hoseok could break.

“I don't need anybody else, only you,” was the quiet reply as Hyungwon slipped one of his long legs between his, stroking along his muscular thighs. “It feels unreal to be this close again. It's like the night sky. After seeing it once you believe you have seen everything and the response fades in intensity, but whenever your eyes fall on it again it resembles a whole new world. I feel the same with you.”

Hyungwon's metaphors were beautiful, they always were.

“I saw you, every day, a hallucination. I don't know, is it supposed to be like this? Does it really feel like dying and being reborn again when I have to leave you and then see you after a long time? Isn't it crazy? Or am I just going crazy?”

“Books describe it like that sometimes, like an organ that is ripped from your chest, leaving you to bleed until the person finally returns. It seems to describe the burning that I felt whenever I was forced to return without you. It is calming to know that both of us feel the same, the same pain at separation and the same yearning for the other person. I don't care what people think of you, you are part of my family and I love you.” The king’s voice gained intensity as he spoke, he needed to let Hoseok know he meant every word. “You're the person that has always been described to me. The one who shares my concerns, halves the troubles and doubles the happiness. You're everything to me, Hoseok. Thank you for returning.”

Biting down on his lower lip he couldn't prevent the tear from rolling down his cheek as he nodded and let his free hand slide from Hyungwon's golden shoulder to his neck, tracing his jaw and tracing his lips with his index finger carefully.

“For me it's darkness. I feel helpless, alone, but when I think of ending the feeling, to stop existing, there is you. I remember your existence no matter where I am and it gives me hope. I think this is what hope feels like, I think of maybe seeing you again and the pain becomes bearable. I want to melt into you, to be one with you, I'm not joking when I say that I love you more than I love life.”

“Wouldn't it be better to love a life with me in it?” the blonde man asked and smiled a little, leaning in to kiss his lips. “So much already changed, Hoseok. We are able to be close like this without the fear of being disturbed or prosecuted. There are people we can trust. It's so much better now, Hoseok.”

“I'm coming from hell and it's hard to believe that anything can be better. But I don't want to think about it, I want to feel you next to me, please. I missed you so much, I can't breathe,” he whispered and buried his nose in the crook of Hyungwon's neck, inhaling his intoxicating scent and keeping the air inside his lungs for a few long moments.

“Always,” the beautiful man replied and pulled him closer, slowly walking towards the bed. “Let us lie down. I want to feel your legs entangled with mine, almost like we are one person. Will you stay the night? We can think of excuses later.”

_You can't be alone._

“I can't leave. I will go crazy by myself, I don't want to go, please don't make me leave.” The desperation suddenly crawled up his throat, only waiting for him to get weak, to show how panic spread in his body from the thought that he had to be alone in the blue room.

“Shh, you don't have to leave. You'll stay right here, next to me,” Hyungwon's low voice whispered into his ear. They lay down on the big bed and the other man rose without him briefly, sending another wave of panic through him until the body contact returned and Hyungwon covered them with a thick blanket. “May I kiss you?”

“Please,” he replied before wrapping both arms around Hyungwon's gorgeous body, letting one of his muscular thighs slip in between the other man's lean legs.

The king closed the distance and pressed his plump lips against his, pleasantly soft at first until it got firmer. Hyungwon gained confidence in their proximity with each passing second and reduced the space between them as much as he was able to.

“You are my world, my stars and my sun at the same time. I have never thought that was possible,” Hyungwon whispered and pulled his bottom lip into his warm mouth, smiling into the contact. It was intimate.

“I would say that I will make you happy, but I'm not sure if I can. I will try, if you want me to, Hyungwon. I want you to be happy.” His lips searched for the other man's almost automatically, just like his tongue slid over the warm lips, parting them and licking into Hyungwon's mouth. They were close, so close, he wanted to be even closer. “I'm so sorry for hurting you, I didn't mean to.”

“I'm sorry for hurting you too, Hoseok.” Hyungwon's long fingers were stroking over his sides, dipping in between each rib and pausing at the hip bone to rub over it sensually. “But I am happy right now. You are already making me happy.”

“I shouldn't wish for more then. Why am I so greedy?” His hands travelled over Hyungwon's naked back, drawing along his spine and the curve of his lower back and his firm butt. He was gorgeous, everything Hoseok considered attractive and more. “I missed touching you so much, you're beautiful.”

“You- you touched me when we met. It was me who hasn't been able to touch your skin, to trace the black lines of ink that I admire so much.” Hyungwon leaned in and licked over his chest, following a line from his nipple along a rib and finally ending at his navel. “I find you more beautiful, the way a strong male body is meant to look.”

“We both know that you can roundhouse kick me, so don't bullshit. Your body is the most attractive to me, but I'm happy that I'm attractive to you too,” he whispered before hissing at the feeling that Hyungwon's tongue was able to provide. It was as if he had been starving, the touch felt like Hoseok had never been touched before.

“May I please you?” Hyungwon asked as his tongue reached Hoseok’s groin and he licked along his length once, before lifting his head and watching him with his big eyes. The blue color was moving to the edges again, allowing more space for black.

“I want you,” he whispered, not able to say anything else and completely at loss for words at the gorgeous sight.

There was a brief smile before the blonde man covered the tip of his erection with his thick lips and drew circles with his tongue over it. Hyungwon's eyes were focused on his face, observing his response to pleasure as if it was what mattered the most to him. He could feel how the hot muscle dipped into his slit repeatedly, playing with it. The other man's long fingers curled around the base, holding it steady and straight to be able to cover it with his hot mouth. A few seconds passed until Hyungwon suddenly sucked harshly, stimulating the tip and the rest of his length through tight strokes.

“Fuck, I missed your touch so fucking much,” he moaned, raking his fingers through Hyungwon’s blonde hair and grabbing a fistful. “You own me, I’m a slave for you.” He threw his head back and let out a groan at an especially nice movement of the other man’s tongue.

Hyungwon didn't reply and only increased his efforts, taking more of his length into his mouth and bobbing his head for simulation. His warm hand massaged his inner thigh in the meantime, travelling downwards slowly like he wanted to do more but was still hesitant about it being any good. A moan passed over his erection in the form of vibrations as the blonde man sucked and allowed the tip to hit the back of his throat. Hyungwon held his breath and repeated the movement a few more times, tears glistening in the corners of his eyes.

Tightening his grip in the blonde hair, Hoseok pulled the other man off his length, staring into the beautiful ice-blue eyes briefly, before he licked over his lips.

“I want to touch you too, let me touch you,” he murmured, loosening his grip.

“What makes you think that you are my slave if the one who loses his mind whenever we are close is me?” Hyungwon replied and licked over his blood-red lips. His voice was rough from the way Hoseok had rubbed along his throat. “You taste like black truffle, but the knowledge that it is you makes me desire to have nothing but you on my tongue.”

“I’m your slave because I feel like I’m lying on the ground in front of you and kiss your feet but I tell you that I’m a free spirit and will do whatever I like in order to rationalize it to myself. You own me.” Hoseok pulled the other man up on top of himself and connected their lips, licking into his mouth hungrily.

Hyungwon arranged his legs on each side of Hoseok’s hips and rolled them once, gasping at the way it felt to roll his slim butt over Hoseok’s erection. The blonde man kissed back and slid his hands over Hoseok’s chest, spreading his fingers and brushing over his nipples lightly.

“Then own me in return. Will you take me the way you did before, Hoseok?”

_You own him in return._

“Do you want to sleep with me, Hyungwon?” he asked, both hands sliding down the curve of the other man’s lower back and cupping his firm butt. He couldn’t contain a moan at the way it felt to touch Hyungwon’s gorgeous body.

“Must I- say it out loud? Isn't it perfectly clear from the way I behave that-” The gorgeous man swallowed and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. “That I want you to- be inside of me?”

“I might think that you want me, but I could also be wrong, so I always have to make sure that I’m only doing the things that we both want. There is- really nothing that I want more than to touch you, to taste you, to be inside you and to see you lose your mind,” Hoseok whispered against the thick, red lips and sucked the bottom one into his mouth. “Would you- sit on my face?”

“W-What?” Hyungwon's eyes widened and he broke the kiss, shock obvious. “Why? I- I thought you need that special oil from your bed room and I brought it, but why- do you want me to- do that? I don't want to smother you.”

_Oh god, he’s so precious._

“But maybe I want to be smothered,” he commented and grinned, before grabbing the other man’s hips and pulling him closer to his face. “I want you to sit over my face, to be exact, I want to taste you.” Licking over his lips, Hoseok leaned forward and closed his lips around the tip of Hyungwon’s length, sucking on it intensely.

The blonde man moaned and threw his head back, almost losing his balance by falling backwards. Luckily Hoseok was holding onto his hips and his palms landed on the sheets just in time.

“It's- it's a little embarrassing, but-” Hyungwon began and lifted up a little, crawling even closer towards Hoseok’s head. The slim man's face was a bright red, rivaling the color of ripe tomatoes. “L- like this?”

“Mhm, perfect, you’re perfect, Hyungwon.” He used both hands to help the blonde man position himself right over his lips and couldn’t prevent himself from licking over the other man’s balls before circling his tongue around his entrance. He loved the position and the proximity of Hyungwon’s golden thighs surrounding his head.

“What- what are you- oh god.” Hyungwon pressed his forehead to the wall and held onto one of the pillars that held up the ceiling of his bed, curtains hiding them a little bit from sight. The blonde man seemed shocked with how his thighs tensed up and a gasp left his lips. “I never thought I would be asked to sit on your face when- when I saw you across from me at that dinner table, oh my god.”

“I didn’t like you and I didn’t like your face paint, but I definitely like you with your naked golden skin all around me and your gorgeous body over me, I never thought you were this beautiful.” Finishing his monologue, he pushed his tongue into the other man’s tight body and kept the slim hips over his face in a strong grip.

Hyungwon gasped as he threw his forehead against the white wall, noise obvious to Hoseok’s ears. The sound that left the blonde man right after was mesmerizing, fitting perfectly to the way his thigh muscles contracted and nails scratched over the white tapestry. He was dazzling and Hoseok couldn’t believe that he was allowed to be so close to him.

Motivated by the obvious response, Hoseok intensified his ministrations, picking up the pace and enjoying the tightness and contractions around his tongue. After a few moments passed, he leaned back a little.

“Where’s the lube? You said that you brought it, right?”

“Y-yeah,” Hyungwon gasped and attempted to climb off, face a vibrant red that continued along his neck and all the way to his chest.

“I want you to ride my fingers and fuck my mouth at the same time. I really want to see your face when you do it,” Hoseok murmured and licked over his lips, already missing the faint smell of coconut that always lingered on the other man’s skin.

“Oh god,” Hyungwon muttered and climbed to the side of his gigantic bed, rummaging in the bedside table that he had taken fruit from before, feeding Hoseok after kissing each berry once. “I have forgotten the words that are able to leave your mouth. I’m too shy for this, my face is burning.”

Chewing on his cheek without a break and not daring to look him in the eye, Hyungwon returned, climbing over Hoseok’s body and holding out the bottle that was usually hidden among his own belongings in his room.

“So you went to my room and stole my lube? I like it.” He grinned and licked over his lips. “Did you at least touch yourself while I was gone?”

Had it been possible the blush would have probably gotten worse as Hyungwon groaned and pressed his forehead against the wall again. His fingers were stroking over the dark wood the bed was made of. The blonde man hummed finally, sound barely audible.

“I like the image of you doing it, I would have loved to watch you.” Hoseok licked over his lips again and stroked over Hyungwon’s gorgeous thigh while opening the bottle with his free hand.

“Isn’t that embarrassing? I merely- do what you showed me while imagining that it is you touching me, whispering into my ear,” the blonde man whispered and exhaled loudly. There were goosebumps spreading along Hyungwon’s long legs. “I did it once but it is scary because it seems like I wouldn’t realize if somebody entered, so- I prefer not to do it. I cannot let go when you aren’t next to me.”

“It’s not embarrassing, it’s hot.” He covered his fingers and threw the bottle to the side, circling one digit around Hyungwon’s entrance. Rising up to align with the other man’s length, he opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue, looking up at the gorgeous blonde man.

“You- want me to move by myself?” Hyungwon asked, looking down between his legs while still keeping his head pressed to the wall. He looked gorgeous, face flushed and lips swollen. “Won’t I hurt you if I don’t pay attention? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me. I’ll just bite you.” Hoseok grinned and opened his mouth again, pressing a little against Hyungwon’s entrance to make him move.

The blonde man yelped and slipped forward, brushing his tip over Hoseok’s bottom lip. Pursing his lips, he frowned at Hoseok.

“You are doing an amazing job at calming me down, Lee Hoseok. I am proud of you,” he muttered and took another deep breath before curling a hand around his erection and lining it up properly. He carefully slipped between Hoseok’s lips and closed his eyes at the sensation, moaning softly. “Oh god.”

Hoseok was going crazy, the arousal was driving him nuts, especially after Hyungwon had sucked him off before. Humming around the other man’s length, he let one finger slip into the hot tightness and curled it up, rubbing against the sensitive spot.

“Fuck,” Hyungwon cursed loudly and gasped with his mouth opened. The blonde man rubbed his hair over the white wall, messing it up as his hips moved forward again, repeating the smooth motions in and out of Hoseok’s mouth. It must have felt good judging by how little he opened his eyes, moaning loudly.

The sounds were gorgeous and he pushed a second finger inside Hyungwon’s body, coordinating his movements with the other man’s thrusts into his mouth. It felt amazing, especially the way Hyungwon’s erection twitched between his lips as soon as he hit dead on.

“Hoseok,” the blonde man whimpered, pulling the last syllable of his name and digging his hands into the dark wood. “Can’t you just take me the way you did? I don’t know if I can hold out for- long enough.” Another loud moan passed over Hyungwon’s lips when Hoseok pushed his two fingers inside at just the right angle. The other man’s hips stuttered briefly when he slid out of his mouth.

“Wait,” he whispered and closed his lips around the pretty length again, pushing a third finger inside the tight body and waiting for the other man to get used to the stretch.

There was a hiss as Hyungwon paused his hips and appeared to focus on the way it felt, moaning in between because of the stimulation to his erection. The other man didn’t complain anymore and remained quiet apart from more sounds of pleasure, resuming the way he thrust into Hoseok’s mouth and losing his awareness as soon as Hoseok began to pump three fingers in and out of him. It was gorgeous how Hyungwon kept his lips parted and threw his head back, basking in how good it felt.

“I want you so much, it feels really good,” he muttered and gasped again, legs shaking at the intensity.

Moving back, Hoseok let go of the other man’s erection and let his fingers slip out of the hot tightness of Hyungwon’s body. He looked up, watching the beautiful man intently while breathing heavily due to breathtakingly intense arousal and the desire to finally connect their bodies.

“I want you,” he whispered and hoped that the beautiful, blonde man on top of him felt the same.  


  
***

 

The human mind could be overwhelming and terrifying at the same time.

Hyungwon had been impatient, almost euphoric to finally see the black-haired man who was occupying every free second of his mind. He had sat on the marble floors, leaning against his bed with his eyes closed. He imagined how it would be when Hoseok returned, whether they would embrace immediately, whether they would be more careful and smile first. Or maybe Hoseok would have crossed the distance and kissed him intently, licking over his lips and pulling Hyungwon flush against his chest.

His narratives hadn’t been accurate, none of them. Instead of playing one of the scenarios he had imagined, he had waited for several hours. After three he had been close to giving up and decided to take a bath, to be more pleasant in case Hoseok decided to come after all.

_You were unwilling to give up, hoping to the last second that he would come in the end._

Hyungwon was hopelessly in love, accepting the wait, the insecurity that Hoseok might have desired to see somebody else, to avoid the palace and leave him. The black-haired man had mentioned it after all, back when they were on the roof of the prison.

His thoughts had moved smoothly from happiness, to devastation, then to sadness at being less important than a guard and finally to overwhelming happiness when Hoseok pulled him close and kissed him intently. So much time had passed since the two of them had last been close. Hyungwon wasn’t even sure if his memory was accurate, if he remembered the feelings and the sensations correctly.

The gorgeous, muscular man was so good at taking away his fears and concerns, drowning him in pleasure instead, no matter how embarrassing it was. Hyungwon didn’t mind the thought or the action of being as close to Hoseok as possible, but he did struggle to talk about it.

His body was still burning from the way Hoseok had- pleasured him and his eyes fluttered shut for a few moments. It felt good, really good and he knew that the muscular man was able to make him feel even more. Hearing that Hoseok wanted him sent an instant spark along his long legs, centering in his groin.

“I want you too,” he replied eventually and crawled further down until he sat on the black-haired man’s lap. He was too embarrassed to remain seated above Hoseok’s face. It seemed… inappropriate.

“Do you want to sit on it, or do you want me to take you?” Hoseok whispered, licking over his curved, red lips, swollen from taking him before.

“I-” Hyungwon swallowed, unsure what was better. He knew that Hoseok enjoyed it when he sat on him and was able to look at his face. But he also really liked the way it had felt when they had been at Lucy’s and Hyungwon held onto the sofa for dear life. “What- what feels better?”

_Get a grip, Hyungwon. You aren’t a child, overplay it. You’re good at this._

“Well,” he continued and took a deep breath, relaxing his features. “I remember somebody bragging that he hasn’t shown me everything yet and was so much better than a woman.”

“Yeah. It was me. For a reason,” Hoseok replied and sat up, leaning forward and catching his bottom lip with his sharp teeth. “Turn around, go on all fours, but put your upper body down, so that your chest touches the sheets,” the black-haired man whispered against his lips.

_Oh god._

Hyungwon’s eyes widened as all of his bravado disappeared with the calm expression on his face. He had no idea what Hoseok planned with him apart from being inside of his body, but describing a position like that was just- too much.

_And still you want it._

He nodded and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth before crawling to the middle of the bed and staring at his hands against the white sheets for a few moments. Hoseok was the only person that had ever seen him like that, vulnerable and open.

“This seems really-” He decided not to say it as he lowered his upper body so that his chest touched the sheets and his arms rested on each side of his head. It was really embarrassing, like he was showing Hoseok something private without being able to see how the experienced man reacted to it. “Oh god.”

“Fuck, you're gorgeous, oh my god,” was Hoseok's reply, as he heard the bottle open, followed by slick noises. There was nothing for a few moments before he felt Hoseok's tongue against his body, licking and sucking on his sensitive skin. “I want to eat you, but I also want to feel you squeeze the living daylight out of me. Why is life so hard? God.”

_He likes the sight._

Hyungwon hissed at the sensations and thought about replying, but decided against it. There was nothing he could contribute that said more than the gasps leaving his lips. Hoseok could do whatever he wanted with him.

A few seconds passed and he felt the warm, slick tip of the other man's length circle around his entrance. It continued for a while as Hoseok added more pressure to his movements and stroked over his lower back, palm warm and relaxing.

“And now you have to relax a little,” he whispered before pushing himself inside his body in a smooth movement, the other man's special oil aiding the slide perfectly.

Hyungwon had wanted to push back, to just bridge the distance and return the feeling, but then the black-haired man did it all on his own, overpowering his senses and his awareness of what was happening. He had almost forgotten how overwhelming it was to be filled out, body tensing up and squeezing Hoseok’s erection while he attempted to calm down and get used to the feeling.

“Oh god, holy shit,” he muttered and buried his face further in the silk sheets, panting heavily. He couldn’t believe that the black-haired man had buried his rather well-endowed self-inside of him to the brim, brushing over the sensitive spot inside of him a little. “I almost forgot how crazy this feels, Hoseok. Like an explosion inside of a closed room, fire and power filling out the room without being able to leave.”

“I feel like you're choking me and I'm thanking you every second because it feels fucking amazing,” Hoseok breathed out, stroking over his back with both hands, before he felt the warm palms around his butt cheeks. The black-haired man spread them a little, squeezing his flesh.

“If I died right now, I'd have no regrets.”

Hyungwon smiled at that, wondering if the feeling was really good enough to die for. Contracting his lower body, he listened for sounds to understand whether that was what Hoseok enjoyed so much that he considered dying in the middle of it. His body was burning a little with the stretch but the more time passed the less he was aware of it.

“But you haven’t even moved yet,” he whispered and used a little more strength to contract his body, hoping for Hoseok to feel good.

There was a loud moan, followed by an intense twitch of the other man's erection inside of him.

“Oh god, this is such sweet torture,” Hoseok whimpered and slapped one of his butt cheeks lightly. Hyungwon yelped in surprise before burying his face deeper in the sheets. He genuinely hoped that none of the guards had heard it and he wouldn’t have to listen to quips for the rest of the week.

“Do you- enjoy this?” he asked carefully and contracted again. He loved the sounds Hoseok made when he felt good. It was only regrettable that he couldn’t see the other man’s face and the way his mouth opened in a beautiful moan. “Can you...do that again? It felt interesting, like a tingling sensation that spreads out over my skin.”

“It's the combination that makes it especially nice. Like this-” Hoseok replied before rolling his hips into his body smoothly, hitting dead on and slapping his backside again while the thick erection filled him out.

Hyungwon moaned loudly, unable to help it and a whimper following right after as his legs trembled and he attempted to repeat the feeling, to push against Hoseok’s hips. It was amazing, like a wave of pleasure that hit him full force, pulling at his groin and tingling throughout his whole body. His breaths already sounded like he had run a marathon and his eyes were closed.

“Oh god, please do it again,” he muttered and curled his fingers into the sheets, holding on in case Hoseok was going to apply more force and drive him absolutely mad.

“You make me go crazy, just tell me what you want, I'll do it all,” the black-haired man moaned and thrust into him while holding his hips in place. The movements got faster, and rougher, until Hoseok pulled out suddenly, leaving him completely empty.

Hyungwon gasped and opened his eyes, disbelieving that Hoseok would make him suffer like that. He was barely able to form a coherent thought with how arousal burned in his groin.

“You said- that you would do it all. How you can just pull out and leave me empty like this then? Fuck,” he cursed and almost fell to the side, body on fire and breaths ragged. “I want the feeling back. You feel otherworldly inside of me. I wish you would- do this with me all the time.”

“I'll do it all, but you also told me to show you things, so I'm going to show you how fucking hooked I am on you and how I can make you feel,” Hoseok replied while breathing heavily. Climbing down from the bed, the black-haired man turned to him and spread his arms. “Come here.”

Hyungwon lifted his upper body and took a few deep breaths before he finally followed and watched the way blush spread over Hoseok’s cheeks. The other man looked mesmerizing, muscles on display and pale skin reflecting the light beautifully. It was impossible to look away and Hyungwon remained frozen in place for a few moments, simply staring.

“I can’t believe that you are real,” he whispered as he examined Hoseok from head to toe, pausing at his erection. “I... prefer the way it looks without.”

Hoseok looked down at himself, pointing at the condom.

“You mean without the condom? I think it also feels better without, but- I mean- I don't want to make more of a mess for you and I really don't like pulling out in the middle.”

“Do you mean because you would come and it would be inside me?” Hyungwon asked carefully, instantly feeling the heat return to his face. It was somehow easier when there was no eye contact and he simply said embarrassing things into the air. “Can’t I just...take a bath?”

“You- of course you can. Do you want me to take it off?” Hoseok asked, still pointing at his thick, long erection that was a little squeezed by the latex, it looked tight.

_It will probably feel better for you too._

Hyungwon wanted Hoseok to feel more comfortable and for himself to be able to curl his fingers around it without anything in between. In addition, it looked unpleasant and he wanted Hoseok to feel everything, as much as possible. Swallowing again, he nodded and moved closer. The fingers of his right hand were stroking over Hoseok’s chest, following the dips of his abdominal muscles and brushing over his nipples lightly.

The black-haired man nodded and pulled the tight material from his length, disappearing in the corner to get rid of it and walking towards the bed to get the special oil. It looked crazy how the rather delicate hand curled around the thick erection and spread the shiny liquid along it. After Hoseok was done, he leaned in and lifted him in the air without any prior notice.

Hyungwon gasped and held on for dear life, arms instantly circling the black-haired man’s neck and nails burying in the skin of his back a little bit. He hoped it didn’t hurt too much as he crossed his legs behind Hoseok’s back and stared, disbelieving that he had been lifted that easily.

“I've never wanted anything as much as I want you, Hyungwon.” Hoseok's low voice sent shivers down his spine as his back touched the cool wall and he felt the other man's erection push against his entrance while Hoseok loosened his embrace gradually.

“If I could gift my breath to somebody it would be you,” Hyungwon murmured. Suddenly the black-haired man’s words seemed reasonable. He could imagine fading away like that, surrounded by the other man’s arms and as close as possible. “I want to feel you inside of me, please.”

The tight embrace loosened further and he felt Hoseok's length slide into him smoothly as he sank down on it, accompanied by the other man's gorgeously low moan.

“Does it feel different for you?” the black-haired man asked after he sank down all the way. Hyungwon attempted to catch his breath to reply, senses on overdrive from being filled out again and the pleasant slide against his rim. It felt really good, much better than it had before. It also felt fuller, but he enjoyed that even more. Every slight movement of his hips sent pleasure through his body and forced him to moan right into Hoseok’s face.

“Y-yeah,” he breathed out and moaned right after he shifted again. It felt so good. He couldn’t wait for Hoseok to move and drive him insane. “It feels really nice at- at the edge, when you move in. It also feels bigger and-” he moaned again, “it drives me mad.”

“You feel amazing. Can I move?” the beautiful man asked, twitching inside him and staring at him with his ocean blue eyes that looked unusually dark. There was nothing more desirable than seeing and feeling pleasure with the man in front of him.

“Yes, please, please move,” Hyungwon begged and tightened his grip on Hoseok’s shoulders, letting one hand sink into the other man’s hair. He felt impatient, thighs shivering and lips parted.

“Hold on tightly,” Hoseok whispered and curled his fingers around his hips, moving back and slamming into his body roughly, but hitting dead on. The movement resulted in an explosion accompanied by the other man's gorgeous moans as he threw his head back and showed his neck, blood pumping visibly along his jugular vein.

Hyungwon’s vision turned white for a few seconds and he screamed, unable to help the way his fingers dug further into the pale skin and he threw his head back. It felt so good, so indescribably good that he wasn’t able to think or do anything coherent. He heard himself say something, babbling meaningless words and begging for the black-haired man to repeat the sensation, to do it all over again until he wasn’t able to walk anymore.

Hoseok appeared equally affected, thrusting into his body smoothly, alternating sensual and rough, quick movements. The sweat started dripping down the other man's pretty nose and ran down his chest as he groaned, before leaning in and sinking his teeth into his shoulder.

Hyungwon moaned loudly as his head hit the wall with force and his vision blurred for a few seconds. He barely felt the pain in his skull with how overwhelming the pleasure in his lower body was, almost as if there was no capacity to register any other perceptions apart from the way Hoseok felt when he moved inside of him. His right hand was pulling on black strands only to push again, hoping to feel the sensation of teeth in his neck paired with another thrust.

“It feels so good, Hoseok, I can’t concentrate on anything but the way it feels. Do me harder, please.”

“I will, but I want to see you touch yourself for me,” Hoseok groaned and picked up the pace, holding him up easily and slamming his hips into him repeatedly. Hyungwon’s vision blurred again as he removed his hand from around Hoseok’s shoulders, trusting the other man to hold him up as he slid his fingers down Hoseok’s muscular body until they finally curled around his own erection. It felt like too much, like there wasn’t much needed for him to topple off the edge and melt in the other man’s arms. Hoseok was mesmerizingly beautiful, watching him intently while small sparks of white littered his vision.

“I love you,” he muttered suddenly before closing his eyes, unable to keep them open. His head hit the wall again and he sped up the motions of his palm, breathing heavily.

“I love you too, please just take me,” Hoseok breathed harshly against his ear as he felt the other man twitch inside him repeatedly. The black-haired man kept up the rough, quick thrusts and Hyungwon felt himself dangerously close to release. His whole body tensed up and a low scream passed his lips as the ball of pleasure suddenly loosened in the form of an explosion and he turned limp in the other man’s arms.

There was no movement as Hoseok simply held him in his embrace. The black-haired man must've orgasmed shortly before or at the same time as him. His lower body felt warm. Harsh breaths were hitting his skin while the beautiful ocean-blue eyes watched him intently.

“I think- I can't live without you,” Hoseok whispered while drops ran down his forehead and the black strands stuck to the pale skin.

It was emotional and almost more overwhelming than the pleasure as he curled both of his arms around Hoseok’s neck, careful to keep his right hand at a distance, before kissing the familiar curved lips. Hyungwon basked in how intimate and special it felt, like it was different because it was the two of them.

“Then stay next to me,” he replied and brushed his left thumb over Hoseok’s forehead, removing a few wet strands. “I only have you.”

“I always thought that I only had myself and it wasn't really enough either, but after meeting you, it was as if you've given me value suddenly, as if life is not just a succession of pain and suffering, but something different. Something worth living for. Thank you, thank you for being next to me, Hyungwon.” The other man's eyes were serious, black retreating slowly and making way for the clear ocean-blue.

Hyungwon smiled as he met the intense gaze, watching the way the different shades of blue merged into a beautiful whole.

“I felt the same. I thought of myself as somebody who wasn’t worthy of the title, neither having the right skin color, nor having any particular qualities expected of a king. You changed my mind and made me want to make a difference, to fight the injustice that surrounds us. To help people. You are the reason I am a good person, Hoseok.” He kissed the curved lips briefly, unable to suppress the euphoria in his chest. “I feel like I can accomplish anything if I have you next to me.”

“Let's stay next to each other then, as close as possible,” Hoseok whispered and moved away from the wall. “I promised you a bath.”

There was a bright smile on the pale face as the muscular man carried him through the middle door into the room with the tub, reckless and completely ignoring every rule and regulation.

Maybe that was the way they were going to manage, by pushing every rule further and further to the edge until it wasn’t relevant anymore, until it was merely a recommendation that didn’t need to be followed. Maybe Hyungwon would even live to see a day when he was able to take a walk outside with his hand safely tucked away in Hoseok’s before kissing at the beautiful bridge that they had crossed before, faces reflecting in the river at night.

_It is what you wish for, but still you have decided for the political, to give Lucy a chance by marrying her and taking away your legal possibilities of another partner._

Hyungwon was acting for the benefit of society, but his love life remained his own, a secret that he protected with his life.

There had never been a king without secrets.

 

_

 

“It is a pleasure to see you in the palace, Lucy. Your smile is as infectious as ever.”

Hyungwon smiled and held out his hand for the beautiful black-haired woman to take on her way up the stairs. It felt unfamiliar to be able to address her by her first name instead of her family name. They were close enough now, even in the eyes of the public.

Lucy was gorgeous, dressed in a dark green dress and with her typical bright smile on her face. It seemed to light up the palace walls in a matter of seconds, making the cold atmosphere appear warm and welcoming. It was a blessing to have somebody like her in the palace, even if it was a restriction for the short woman. Hyungwon wished there was an alternative, but unfortunately there wasn’t, nothing that allowed Lucy the same opportunities and the same influence.

The articles were out by now, evoking a lot of uproar, congratulations and complains. People differed in how they felt about a royal wedding, but marrying someone of color was unheard of. Hyungwon had no real rationale for it apart from asserting that Lucy was superior to every other candidate in her qualities and abilities. It was true, there was nobody else who could compare.

_The real reason should be that she is human, like everybody else. A particularly nice and wonderful human._

“I hope you were not ambushed by the press. I have endeavored to reduce their interference but it is rather difficult with the current public interest,” he explained and watched her facial expressions, attempting to read how she felt about the situation behind the pretty words.

“I had a few lively discussions with journalists about the value of privacy and the importance of human rights and personal boundaries. Thank you for your concern, your majesty,” Lucy replied and grinned, pursing her lips right after. “How have you been doing, how is Hoseok? I'm waiting for him to do something reckless again.”

Hyungwon pursed his lips at the comment, genuinely hoping that Hoseok wasn't going to. There was definitely too much adrenaline in his life over the past few months.

“I have been great, busy as you can imagine. Hoseok has been occupying himself with the recent changes in politics and has been outside a lot. I am surprised he hasn't visited you yet. As far as I know he planned on joining us for dinner a little later.” He smiled at the gorgeous woman and gestured for her to follow him. Hoseok must have left a permanent impression on him as his mind suddenly felt the urge to have Lucy hook her arm into his, even though contact before the wedding was forbidden.

_Since when do you provoke like that?_

The press was already complaining enough so he didn't, merely walking next to her through the long hallways. It was almost pleasant to have Corbin and David walking behind, watching over them.

“Green looks very good on you,” he added and waited for one of the servants to open the door to the dining hall. It was the same one that Hyungwon had met Hoseok for the first time, beautifully decorated and filled with two families. Now it was only him and Lucy in addition to servants preparing to serve. Gesturing towards the seat across from him, Hyungwon sat down and filled two glasses of wine for them. It was more respectful to do it himself, even if the servants gasped.

“Green is my favorite color. What's yours?” Lucy asked, smiling at him as if he was really someone she wanted to be with. It felt really nice, almost the first time he felt calm next to somebody who wasn't Hoseok.

“I- I usually don't talk about my favorite color because it isn’t really appropriate,” Hyungwon murmured and took a sip of his wine. It was good, as he had expected. Only after he had swallowed did he lean in and whisper his reply. “It's black.”

“Oh, I like it. It fits perfectly and it makes you more likable. How are the preparations for the voting going?” Lucy took a sip of her wine and leaned forward a little, watching him intently through dark-brown eyes.

“I'm the only candidate if that's what you mean.” It felt uncomfortable to say it, as if he had fired the advisors for his own benefit and the possibility to rule without opposition. It wasn't true. He was preparing the voting system and the qualifications necessary to be a candidate. Marrying Lucy wasn't only for the candidacy, but mostly for the people to accept her as worthy. “The vote will take place in two months. I hope I'm not rushing it.”

“I think it’s enough time to ensure that it goes smoothly. I’m really looking forward to what people want in the end, it’s exciting,” Lucy murmured and pointed at the service personnel. “Can they go? I can pour wine myself and this feels like an interrogation.”

Hyungwon smiled at the comment before asking the servants to leave. It instantly turned quiet once the bustling staff left them in peace. It was only him and Lucy.

“Better?” he asked and rubbed over the back of her hand carefully. He knew that he was able to now.

“God, yes, is this how you grew up? How did you learn proper human interaction, Hyungwon? This is impressive and so fucking sad at the same time.” The black-haired girl took his hand and squeezed it briefly.

“Proper human interaction? What do you call this?” Hyungwon asked. It seemed confusing to call their conversion anything but human interaction, even if others were present. “I was taught to consider the servants as shadows, unaware of their presence until said presence is needed. How have you been? Has your mother recovered?”

“Recovered? From what? Me engaged to the king? I guess she did. But you don’t consider the _servants_ shadows, because you talk and act differently around them, so you’re perfectly aware and play a role. And this whole talk brings me back to my point that you have somehow never been able to experience natural human interaction, authentic, not following any rules or protocol, you know? How children play and talk to each other? It’s really important to experience that.” Lucy looked concerned, as if there was something that he missed that was relevant.

“I talk to Hoseok and to you in private. Yewon and I also played a little bit as children,” Hyungwon pointed out in defense. He felt a little uncomfortable with the conversation. Suddenly he wished Hoseok was already there. The other man would have joked, complained about his attire or done something to diffuse the situation. But most importantly he would have given Hyungwon the calm he needed, staring at him with those beautiful eyes.

“Are your parents fine with a formal dinner later, before you move in? Mine-” Hyungwon stopped speaking. The thought was painful, like the confirmation of his worst nightmare, something he purposefully never thought of. “Mine… cannot be with us.”

“My parents are super fine being wherever you need them to be. And we don't need your family because you have me, Hoseok and Yewon. That’s more than enough. You need to distance yourself from all this proper conduct bullshit, it's still internalized I see. Spoiler, deciding to marry a black, lesbian woman won't do the job, Hyungwon.” There was a joyful chuckle as Lucy leaned over the table, almost climbing on top of it and kissed his nose. “And now you look like a clown. I should sue the lipstick company, they promised it wouldn't leave traces.”

Hyungwon's eyes widened as he stared at the way Lucy leaned over the table, chest rather abundant and emphasized by the cut of her dress. Hyungwon's main concern was the way the fabric slipped dangerously low and he barely resisted the urge to hide his face or double check the room for anybody who wasn't supposed to be there. Lucy was crazy, simply crazy.

_You have lipstick on your nose. Because she kissed it._

Hyungwon swallowed and reached out to rub over his nose with his thumb, hoping that it did the job. The way Lucy's decency was compromised was more concerning.

“I apologize in advance,” he muttered as he reached out and carefully grabbed the neckline of the green dress right below Lucy's collarbone. He made sure to only use his index finger and thumb as he pulled and covered more of her breasts with the dress. It was definitely more appropriate.

“Huh? I thought you weren't into boobs. Well, except Hoseok's voluminous muscle boobs with 24/7 erect nipples,” the black-haired woman commented and slipped her hand into her décolletage and fixed the way her breasts filled out the dress. “Now you look drunk, but it's already an improvement.” She grinned and walked around the table, leaning in and rubbing his nose intently.

Hyungwon had no idea what to do or say, simply feeling more and more embarrassed as time passed. Talking about Hoseok’s nipples only made him think about how he had sucked on them before the black-haired man pushed him into the wall and slept with him. There was something weird about calling what they did ‘sleeping with each other’, especially since it hadn't involved the bed or sleep.

_Don't think about it, Hyungwon._

His face was already heating up and he hoped Lucy wouldn't realize and misinterpret it.

“I have no particular feelings about your- chest. I was mainly concerned for your decency and didn't want anybody else to see something that is yours and should only be seen by others if you want them to, Lucy.”

“It's fine, they can look. As long as they don't touch what's not theirs to touch, I'm fine. But thank you, you're cute.” The girl smiled and brushed a strand behind his ear. “But Hoseok's nipples though, I always pinch them if he misbehaves, they're super sensitive, you have to try it out.”

“Can we- not talk about Hoseok’s body parts?” he asked hesitantly and hoped that the prince consort wouldn't choose now to arrive. Lucy seemed to have a total disregard for rules of proper conduct. It had never been as obvious as when the curly-haired woman leaned over the table. “Actually, I planned to talk about the wedding and your move into the palace.”

“Oh, yeah, I successfully suppressed the knowledge that this talk was coming. I'd much rather talk about Hoseok's nipples to be honest.” Lucy looked to the side and her smile turned into one of those gorgeous ones, reminding Hyungwon of the sunrise. It meant that Hoseok was somewhere close.

“Why would you talk about my nipples, don't you have anything else to talk about?” The black-haired man entered the hall and curled his arms around Lucy, turning her around like in those romantic movies when lovers meet after a long time.

_Oh god._

Hyungwon really wanted to disappear. If he could just sink through the floor or teleport to the library, that would be great. Out of all the uncomfortable situations, having Hoseok hear that he had been talking about his nipples was the worst. He had wanted to talk about the wedding, agree on a date that was politically beneficial and decide when Lucy was going to move into the palace. According to the tradition, she should have moved in a year in advance but they were rushing it, so the sooner the better.

“I- I wanted to talk about her moving here, but- she preferred to… to talk about your body,” Hyungwon murmured and covered his small face with his big palm, giving himself at least a little bit of cover. His skin tone must have resembled a ripe cherry, especially without white makeup.

“He liked talking about your nipples, look at his face, Hoseok. God, he's adorable, I love him, but I'm so happy that you're back. I missed you, you asshole,” Lucy commented and buried her face in Hoseok's pale chest, arms circling the other man's beautiful waist.

Hyungwon's couldn't help the spark of envy that passed through him. He wanted to be the short black-haired woman at that moment, to embrace him too and enjoy the proximity while nobody was watching. Instead he was the one watching, sitting at the table on his own because Lucy had stood up. He could envision a melancholy close up of his distressed face as he watched Hoseok embrace someone else.

_You're being unnecessarily dramatic._

He was, but feelings were feelings and not as easily controllable as the motions of his body. Licking over his lips, he watched the two of them as Hoseok murmured something in reply and Hyungwon hoped that the redness on his face would disappear in the meantime. He disliked being readable, bashfulness written on him like red paint on a child’s drawing.

“You will have to move into the palace as soon as possible, Lucy. We are rushing it a little bit and there is already almost no time for you to get used to the life here and prepare for the ceremony.” His voice sounded less upset than he felt and that was good.

“When?” The girl’s arms loosened and she let Hoseok go, looking at him in question as the black-haired man fixed her locks.

“In three days?” It was a rough proposal, probably too soon for her, but there was no real alternative, none that wouldn't result in unnecessary rumors and negativity towards Lucy. There was going to be enough already.

Hyungwon couldn't help the way his gaze shifted towards Hoseok and his gorgeous eyes, remaining focused on them. There was instantly something calming to the eye contact, like Hoseok was the only person he needed in order to feel at ease.

“Fine. I'm keeping my apartment though.” There was a short glance meant for the black-haired man, before Lucy smiled at him again and stepped closer. “Is there something that you need me to do?”

Hyungwon's eyes widened as he thought about that. There were a lot of things Lucy had to do, especially for the ceremony. There was no contract to sign because there was no benefit for Hyungwon from the union. But there was that one tiny thing he was a little afraid of.

“Well, you'll- you'll have to kiss me at the wedding.”

“Oh do I?” The short woman grinned and came closer. “You seem more scared of it. It's merely like kissing a wall, only softer. A soft wall.”

Hyungwon swallowed and glanced to the side, wondering how to explain his nervousness and the discomfort with kissing the woman in front of him. It was strange, he should have been more at ease about it. He had often heard the kitchen boys talk and giggle about it late at night.

“I have never touched lips with anybody but Hoseok. I- I'm just not very sure of what to do and a lot of attention will be on us. All of the attention to be precise.”

“Want to practice?” Lucy lifted her long dress and marched over to him before she cupped his face with both palms and leaned in, plump lips touching his.

Hyungwon's eyes widened at the sudden invasion of privacy and he thought of pushing her away, but didn't know how without touching her inappropriately. Women were so complicated.

A second passed before Lucy leaned back and sat down on a chair next to him, reaching for her wine glass and taking a sip.

Only when their lips separated did Hyungwon think about how it felt, especially compared to kissing Hoseok. He had thought it would be similar or completely different in the way it felt, but instead there was just nothing. It resembled the sensation of kissing the back of his own hand. It was a little scary, like he felt in a way he wasn't meant to feel. A king shouldn't have such a reaction to a woman, not even when he loved somebody else.

“Just do the same. It will be fine, it doesn't need to be more than that, right? The kiss while I played Romeo in the Shakespeare play was way more intense, so it should be fine.”

“It's not only a press of lips, it's a proper kiss, a romantic one. Hoseok kissed Yewon romantically too.” He didn't know why he said it, but it must have been the comparison inside his head. It had hurt to see it, to watch Hoseok curl an arm around his sister's waist and pull her closer as he kissed her. It was so long ago already, but still the way his chest had constricted at the sight felt as real as ever.

_Is it the same for him? Plain nothingness when he kisses a woman?_

It was terrifying, like something was broken inside of his head.

“Wait, you don't really think that Hoseok had any romantic feelings for Yewon right? Not to be the jealous bitch, but Hoseok would have more romantic feelings towards a dog than towards a woman, no offense. Or did you change your mind?” Lucy turned towards the black-haired man, who was pouring wine for himself while listening to their conversation quietly.

“I guess. I really like women, just not romantically or sexually. I feel really comfortable next to you and Yewon, because I know that you both don't want me to do anything weird with you,” Hoseok elaborated before taking a sip of the red wine.

It was strange to hear a man who had lifted him up and entered his body against a wall call being sexual with women ‘weird’. It should have been the other way around.

“I didn't think that you were being romantic with her, but you kissed her romantically for show. The way you-” Hyungwon paused and swallowed as the desire to be the one in Hoseok’s arms only got worse. He wanted to return the feeling of ‘right’ instead of the nothingness. Maybe it was different because he was in love? He swallowed again before continuing. “The way you kiss me.”

Hoseok's eyes widened in shock, just like his mouth opened slightly at his words.

“What? No! I can even remember what I thought about while kissing her, I remember how I thought about ways to prevent my parents from causing you harm and how not to look at you even though I really wanted to.”

“Hearing this make me want to kiss her even more, you pigs,” Lucy murmured and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“I'm not talking about what you thought, but how it looked. It has to look believable, a proper kiss, and that makes me rather uncomfortable.” Hyungwon licked over his lips and stared at the way there was a thin layer of wine on the side of his glass that he had drunk from, slowly disappearing the more time passed. He didn't want to kiss anybody. He wanted Lucy to be queen already and have a chance as a candidate.

“You don't have to kiss me. I would never do something you don't like,” Lucy replied and downed her wine.

The situation felt a little tense, even though he was close to both Lucy and Hoseok. One was a close friend and the other his love. It was upsetting how he was marrying the first instead of the second and meant to kiss a friend instead of his love. Lucy believed that there was no reason to kiss if he didn't want to, but she was wrong. There were certain rules that he had to follow and make sure the public remained on their side. A switch in sympathy could cost them everything in the case of a democratic vote.

Hyungwon wasn't afraid of the kiss itself. That didn't seem problematic. It was a touch of lips, something he should have been familiar with. What worried him was the difference in reaction he felt. It was the nothingness that gave the kisses he shared with Hoseok so much more meaning. There was a difference between desiring somebody and feeling like it was torture to separate, and not having the choice because the body chose how to react. The knowledge woke the desire to attach himself to Hoseok and to never let go, too terrified of the black-haired man leaving.

“I will kiss you because it is what is expected of me, Lucy.” He smiled briefly and stood up, heart beating fast and screaming at him to cross the distance and embrace Hoseok the way he wanted to. He didn't feel like himself when he didn't, but he needed to think.

“I am not afraid of the kiss itself, but rather it is the way I feel when it happens,” he murmured and fixed his clothes on his way to the door, turning around to excuse himself politely. “I will give the two of you a little bit of time for each other. I fear that I need to think about this. I will see you soon, Lucy. Feel free to visit the princess.”

His hands were shaking when he finally reached the door and pressed down on the handle, expression neutralized to be what he had to be, the king.

The king who was addicted to and dependent on the presence of another man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 20th of February at 2 PM CET.
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	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I want to live with you, no matter where it is, because in the end you're the one who makes living bearable for me. I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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Hoseok walked through the white door and nodded at the people attending the meeting. It was the last get together where they finally chose the candidate for the elections. Of course everybody knew that they would end up in the opposition with their views and their platform, but it was still important, especially for him.

_Because you can finally do something, achieve something, give people a voice and not feel like pale, blue-eyed trash consuming precious oxygen._

Greeting the other attendees, he sat down next to Jeremy and grinned at the taller man.

“So, who do you think will it be?”

“You’re late, you have already been elected as the head of our party. There’s something I just thought about. You’re aware that you will have to leave the palace once you’re elected to the parliament, right? You can’t be living in the same house with the government, can you?” The other man’s brown eyes observed him intently, expecting some kind of emotional reaction. But there was none. He knew that he had to leave the palace, there was no way that he could’ve stayed there, even if he wasn’t active in politics.

_But maybe they will elect Lucy and you two can leave together._

They couldn’t because the love of his life would be married to his best friend in two days. There was no way, the whole situation created a giant headache, suspense and pressure, holding him down. It was something he wasn’t able to solve.

“I know. Lucy kept her apartment for me. I will move there after the elections.” Hoseok sighed and signed the papers in front of him, making him the head of the opposition in case they weren’t elected.

“Oh, did the princess agree? I mean, sure, she kinda hates the palace and everything around it, but she also grew up there and the king is there too, didn’t expect her to agree so easily.” Jeremy smiled and leaned back against the hard backrest of the wooden chair.

_Yewon. You always end up thinking about yourself first._

“I haven’t asked her yet. I don’t know if she will go,” he murmured and looked away. There was no way that the blonde woman would leave the palace, not when Lucy was next to her and she was finally able to have her freedom. He also couldn’t just leave the palace without her. They were married and as Yewon liked to point out ‘she would get all the shit’. She was right, no matter how unfair it was.

“How- are you going to do this? Isn’t leaving your wife and your- love behind really crazy? I couldn’t do it, you will be so lonely.” The brown eyes focused on his and Jeremy put a palm on his arm before removing it after a few seconds. “But I mean, you know what you’re doing, I’m just worried about you.”

“Me too,” he whispered and closed his eyes, hoping that it would all disappear in the giant cluster headache.  
  
_  


 

His steps echoed through the hallways of the place that he had gotten used to. It was almost familiar, even after being in prison for a month. He was faced with the knowledge that he would soon leave it to enter politics and live in Lucy's apartment. He would do his best to protect others even if it meant putting his own life in danger by gaining unwanted attention from his radical views.

Knocking briefly, he entered the princess’ chambers and saw Yewon placing a violin on her shoulder before she raised the bow and began playing. High notes filled the room with their rich sound as the princess played, sliding the bow over the strings. Her eyes were closed like she needed the darkness to focus on what she was doing. The blonde girl wasn't even wearing her typical royal attire but only a blouse and a pair of short shorts, not bothering with shoes.

_Perfect music for such a talk._

“Hey,” he murmured and came closer, sitting down on the edge of the huge bed they had never shared despite being husband and wife.

“Oh,” Yewon commented and stopped the melody with an abrupt motion of her arm, dissonant and painful in Hoseok’s ears. It must have been on purpose. “What gives me the honor of seeing your face? First time since you returned from prison. Hello there, Hoseok.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t really know what to say because there are only things that will upset you on my mind.” Looking up he focused on the blonde woman’s ice-blue eyes, big and similar to Hyungwon’s. They were less warm somehow.

“So instead of saying something, you consider upsetting me a good choice? Brave, Hoseok, very brave.” Yewon rolled her eyes and placed the violin into its holder carefully and arranged the bow next to it. “I wanted to visit you but apparently your visiting times were always booked by somebody else. I understand that you prefer my brother or your best friend, but I still like you, Hoseok, even if you feel exactly zero percent affection for me. I hate being ditched.”

“That’s not true, the only person I have no affection for is myself. I like you too, it’s just that I’m not the kind of person that will make you happy. We need to talk. I will have to move from the palace.” He stared at the beautiful woman and waited for her response.

“Lovely. It's probably the best decision you have ever made and I envy you. How did you find a way of getting out of those glass walls? Is Hyungwon giving you special treatment because you fuck him?” A few seconds passed as Yewon brushed through her hair once. Her lips were pursed until suddenly her big eyes widened even further. “Fuck, Hoseok, I'm sorry. I'm jealous and devastated, but I shouldn't be taking it out on you. Fuck, please go ahead and tell me why you want to move out.”

The blonde woman should’ve just stabbed him in the eye or something, it definitely would’ve hurt less.

“Actually, it’s the other way around. It’s very likely that I will be the opposition leader after the elections and I have the feeling that you don’t understand what this means. I’m here to ask you what you are going to do because there are a few possibilities.” Pulling his legs up, he curled his arms around them and placed his chin on top of his bent knees.

“One, you come with me, live with me in Lucy’s apartment. We can also find another place, but- it’s dangerous. I don’t want you to be in danger, but you’re a confident human, so you can decide after some consideration. Two-” He paused, licking over his lips and sucking in another deep breath. “Two, you get a divorce because I’m a criminal and brought shame upon your family or whatever awesome reasons I have already given you. It will be super understandable considering my past escapades and the fact that I’m going to be in the opposition. You will be able to stay in the palace and to see Lucy and Hyungwon without being associated with me and being in constant danger. Three, you stay here, I move out and people can gossip about what the fuck is going on. However, I’m sure that you will get more shit even though I’m a criminal which is sad and fucking unfair, but real.”

The princess stared at him with wide eyes as she slowly made her way towards the bed and sat down. She looked like she really needed the support.

“What does it mean to be in the opposition, Hoseok?” Yewon asked and swallowed, smooth tongue licking over her plump lips. They were rather pink colored compared to Hyungwon's red ones.

He sighed and let his legs go, crossing them instead and pulling Yewon closer by her slim waist.

“It means that I will be opposing the government, whoever it will be, Lucy, Hyungwon or someone else. I will be talking about equal rights for everybody and promoting liberal worldviews, but mostly I will be upsetting people like I did at the demonstration which made people want to kill me in prison afterwards. I would never- never let anyone hurt the person who is next to me, but it is fucking dangerous and I won’t have masses of guards running after me all the time. People are scary, but you know this too. Just from the other side.” He chuckled bitterly and watched Yewon’s response.

“So you want to be like a mouse that rolls on its back and shows its stomach, allowing everybody who has the urge to stab right through you? Aren't you being a little too risky about this, Hoseok? I won't allow you to ditch your guards. Every public figure has guards,” she muttered and finally loosened up her tense posture. The princess climbed on top of him and embraced him tightly. “You're so fucking suicidal, holy shit. One goes into opposition on purpose and the other thinks windows aren't dangerous. What is this kindergarten?”

“Are you okay here? Being locked up and ‘allowed’ or ‘not allowed’ things? Don’t you think that this is madness? If no one says anything it will stay like this, Yewon. It won’t change. I’m not a mouse and being in the palace didn’t make the stabbing less likely. In prison they just got physical. No-one actually tried to kill me, unlike when I was here, being all conservative. It’s not about being suicidal or not, it’s about doing something you consider right. Do you consider it right playing violin behind glass walls while shit is going down outside? Fine, but you have the opportunity to decide. A lot of people can’t decide, they’re forced to do things, to comply. This is the reason I’m doing it. Because I’m sure that this is the right thing for me to do,” he murmured and curled his arms around the slim woman.

“I'm sorry, you are right,” was the quiet reply as Yewon nodded and brushed through his black hair once. It was a short sign of affection without too much attached to it. “You are absolutely right, but I still value your life over what is right. I don't want you to endanger yourself unless I can make sure you have done everything that is in your power to protect yourself. I don't want to be a widow, Hoseok.”

Looking up, he stared at the blonde girl, mouth parted in shock.

“I bet my head that you would decide to divorce me,” he murmured, disbelief apparent in his voice. “It’s literally the easiest and least dangerous for you.”

“That's because you don't know what matters to me. There has never been a princess who has divorced. But that isn't even my main reason, it's-” Yewon paused as if the topic had suddenly become uncomfortable, lips pressing together and thighs shifting. “I- I wanted a legitimate child.”

“You- you what?” The embrace suddenly became awkward and he loosened his fingers around the slim woman’s waist. “But- you- I mean, you know that I’m gay,” he murmured helplessly.

“God, I didn't expect you to _fuck_ me, Hoseok. Lucy does that wonderfully on her own. Also, I never said that out loud so shh.” The princess held a finger to his lips and rolled her eyes briefly. The confidence and annoyance lasted for approximately two seconds until she pouted a little. “I talked about this to Lucy. I- I hoped you could donate, to me. Without intercourse of course. That way it would be possible to have a child and as long as it is in the bond of marriage it will be legitimate.”

“So you want me to jerk off into a cup so you can have a baby? I- when did you plan on having a ‘legitimate child’?” he asked, suddenly feeling like a mouse caught in a trap that he could never escape from.

_You can’t just create a baby and then fuck off to live somewhere else to enter politics._

“It wouldn't have to be your responsibility if you don't want to. I haven't decided on a date or anything, Hoseok. It is merely something that matters to me. I also understand if you say that is not something you are capable of. Nobody is forcing you. I am sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. You were the only option for me, that's why I asked.” Yewon took a deep breath and climbed off of him, crossing her legs. “If you want me to divorce you, I will. Is that what you want?”

“God, no, I like you, I really do and my head is just busy thinking about how there is no possibility for me to be with the person I love and it makes me feel so fucking helpless. You must feel worse, wanting a child, but having me, who is the worst example of a husband, gay, in love with your brother and involved in politics. I haven’t thought about having kids at all, I’m nineteen and my childhood is the time where my worst memories are from, so I have never- never considered being a parent. The thing is, I can’t just help you get pregnant and then make you take care of everything yourself, it’s a responsibility. I can’t just jerk off into a cup and tell you to have fun with it, you know? Oh god-” He squeezed his face between both palms and closed his eyes, overwhelmed by the direction of their discussion. He had thought that they would talk about him moving away and expected the princess to divorce him because she didn’t want to live outside or listen to the rumors.

Yewon sighed again and massaged her temples.

“I'm sorry, Hoseok. I didn't mean to hit you with this so suddenly, but we rarely talk and I had just as little knowledge about what is happening inside your head as you had about mine. You know, I thought that Lucy would marry Hyungwon, stab me in the heart and in the end we would simply all live together and tell the advisors and nobles to fuck themselves. I thought we would speak out at demonstrations, Hyungwon would rule and be king and I would make sure to do it right for once, to raise a child without being confined to the palace walls but actually see what is happening outside. I want to do it right and speak out for people to do the same.”

“Are you going to stay here or come with me?” he asked finally, masses of information flooding his overheating brain.

“I want to stay with Lucy,” Yewon replied quietly and squeezed his shoulder once. “As much as I hated the palace after our engagement, I loved it as a child. It is my home.”

“It’s a mess,” he whispered but nodded nevertheless, standing up from the bed and wishing that he would just faint to not think about all of it. His best friend was marrying his lover, his wife was in love with his best friend while wanting a child. From him. And he wanted to move away from the palace, preferably with Hyungwon.

_You can’t._

He couldn’t.  
  
_  
  


It was the wedding day and he had spent the last two days locked up in his room, not eating and not letting anyone in. He felt like dying because there was no solution. No matter how hard he thought about everything, there were no solutions to the kind of mess they all unknowingly created.

_You can’t attend the wedding like this, you look like death._

He did, his face was even more pale than usual and he had exactly four hours until the ceremony was supposed to start. Not finding a solution was bad, but missing the blonde man was even worse. His mind toyed with him, presenting perfect hallucinations of the beautiful golden skin and the plump, red lips whispering that everything would be okay.

_It won’t be okay, you can’t just back out from being the leader of opposition, it’s too late._

Hoseok wanted to cry so badly, to bury his face in his palms and sob like an idiot. There was no way for everybody to be happy. It was impossible and he had no idea what he was supposed to do. The scent of his freshly washed skin was only a reminder that he had to get ready soon, to see the person he loved get married to his best friend. He knew that it didn’t mean anything, but still it did. It always did.

_Just like you are responsible for Yewon, no matter whether you are romantically involved or not, you’re tied. Tied to a woman, to a man, to the palace, to your worldview. How did you end up like this, if you wanted to be free in the first place?_

The sound of the window opening disturbed the silence, a quick sound of air passing through the opening until it was closed again, quieter this time.

“Psst,” a low voice behind him hissed before chuckling.

_It’s him._

He was afraid to turn around, so he kept his posture, head buried in his arms that he placed on top of his bent knees. The fresh air brushed over the naked skin of his back when Hyungwon had opened the window. It felt scary somehow. Paying attention to his breathing, he tried to stop crying as fast as possible, but there wasn't enough time.

Hyungwon’s tone instantly changed when he called his name, careful and concerned. The king didn't even bother to hide the sounds of his steps as he crossed the distance and curled his arms around him, instantly pulling him into his embrace. Long fingers brushed through the black strands of his hair and pushed him into the slim chest, almost like Hyungwon allowed him to hide if he wanted to.

“Shh, it's okay, Hoseok. It'll be okay,” the other man whispered.

“No,” he whispered suppressing the sobs that left his mouth as soon as he parted his lips. It was embarrassing, but he wasn’t able to stop.

“Both of us survived you being in prison, Hoseok. It cannot get worse than that, it simply can't. I missed you those past few days and I couldn't bear not to see you before this. Please don't cry. I love you, Hoseok, more than anything else.” Hyungwon murmured the words into his ear, hot breath tickling the skin. Lean arms held him close and caressed his back and hair endlessly. “We can do this. We already managed so many things, there can't be anything left to stop us. You know what they say at weddings, Hoseok? They promise that it is until death parts the two individuals? We don't need a wedding for that to be true. I won't stop being with you until somebody kills me.”

“I don't know how to solve this, fuck, I'm helpless. I'm tied to another person, to the palace, to you, to my values. All of it is incompatible. I feel like I’m being torn apart and you're tying yourself to someone different today, it will pull you away from me, independent of the fact that it's Lucy. God, it hurts so fucking much,” he pressed out, lungs contracting at the bitterness and overwhelming emotions accompanying his words.

“That's how I felt,” Hyungwon whispered and swallowed. “On the day you got married. It didn't matter whether you were gay and in love with me and whether it was just for show. It still hurt as if you had grabbed one of the twigs off a rose bush, wrapped it around my chest and pulled it tight.”

“It's just the cherry on top. I can’t simply die to solve this or be alone, without you, Lucy or Yewon. By myself. I don't want to be alone, I don't want this.” His body kept shaking and he couldn't look up. He didn't even know what Hyungwon was wearing or how he looked, the only perception was the faint coconut scent entering his nostrils every time that he took a breath.

“I don't want to be alone either, Hoseok. You're not alone, you have me,” he whispered and began to place kisses all over his face, tugging at his arms to have him even closer. “Somehow everything seems okay when you are next to me, like consequences are meaningless. Is it the same for you or am I losing my mind?”

_You're the one losing your mind._

“But- you still want to be king and you are still here, in the palace, marrying a girl and- I can't help thinking that the reason we can't be together is not the society we're living in,” Hoseok whispered, licking the tears from his lips.

“What is it then, Hoseok?” The blonde man cupped his cheek with his palm and lifted his head a little, meeting his gaze. “I will not stop being king, I was born for it, but the people will decide who will rule. If it is not me, there is nothing keeping me in power.”

“If you're born for it- if that's your reason- then you definitely shouldn't be with me, that's not what you've _been born_ for.” Curling his fingers around Hyungwon's wrist, he removed it from his face, shaking from the lack of strength. “There are walls you don't want to climb over and there seem to be things I'm not crazy enough for.”

“What- what do you mean? I don't understand, Hoseok.” Hyungwon looked lost, eyes big and worried as they looked at him. The blonde man appeared similarly emotional with how his eyes shone in the light. “Being king is the only thing I'm good at. I don't have any redeeming qualities that are required by people on the outside. If the people don't want me as a ruler then- then I belong to you alone.”

“I'm probably going to be leader of opposition. I can't stay in the palace, I will have to leave, no matter what happens. You never belonged to me, Hyungwon. I wasn't born to have you, it seems.” He felt like dying, the pain in his lungs got worse and the helplessness of his situation got more and more apparent with every word. “We always hope that things will change, but in the end, somehow, we end up further away from each other.”

“That's not true,” the king exclaimed and leaned in, kissing his mouth and licking over his salty lips for a moment before separating again. “I couldn't have been here like this before without concerns. I couldn't have been close to you without fear of being heard. I couldn't have visited you in the prison because I had no rights. I couldn't have changed the system if you hadn't become a member of the advisory board. Things are changing, but there are always tradeoffs, Hoseok. We might lose one thing but we always gain another. You say that you will have to leave the palace? It is difficult to put my feelings into words. Being left alone in the palace is one of my nightmares, but it doesn't mean that we will not see each other. I will come to you and the option is also always open for you. I love you and need you, it doesn't matter to me who or what attempts to distance us from each other. I have been yours since the day you showed me the world, I always was.”

It seemed as if Hyungwon didn't understand, as if he didn't think about the fact that the president and opposition leader weren't the best friends usually. The blonde man didn't realize that he would be in the palace with Lucy and Yewon, whereas Hoseok would be alone, outside, by himself without any proper reasons to go to the palace.

“I don't know what kind of things I gain, but it continuously feels like losing to me,” he whispered, letting his arms drop to his lap in resignation. There was no point in crying. There was no point in anything.

“May I promise you something, Hoseok?” Hyungwon pronounced carefully as he tightened his embrace again and swallowed. It was meaningful to him.

He just stared at a dot on the other man's shirt, feeling nothing but pain when a sudden realization downed up upon him.

_You're a hypocrite, Hoseok. You criticize the system while crying that you have to follow its rules. You don't have to. You can do whatever you want._

He curled his arms around Hyungwon's ankles and bowed down, forehead touching the other man's feet.

“Please let them build a parliament building, or make the palace the parliament and let's move somewhere else, all of us, I don't want to be away from you and I don't want to leave Lucy and Yewon, she- she wants a child, Hyungwon, how the fuck is this supposed to work?” The tears streamed down his face as he hugged Hyungwon's legs and cried like a baby.

“You- what? Don't bow before me, please,” the blonde man whispered and attempted to lift him up. When it didn't work, he gave up and stroked over Hoseok’s hair, not replying for a few moments. “You want all of us to live outside the palace? But isn't it dangerous for us? I've- I've never lived outside, Hoseok. I don't know the most basic things. How does a person shop, how do they make sure they can eat, how does one take care of an apartment? I- I don't know anything, Hoseok. I'm scared.”

“I know how and so does Lucy. How can you want to be the leader of this country if you don't know and are scared to learn? You have to be open minded to be a good leader, Hyungwon,” he whispered, lifting his head and standing up slowly until they were facing each other. “Because if you're not willing to learn and grow I will have to fight you.”

The king’s eyes widened as he stared at Hoseok, lips pursed and blinking a few times more than usual. The words must have affected him as he wrapped his arms around Hoseok’s neck and exhaled roughly.

“I want to learn. I want to know all of that and be a good leader. I don't know what is happening with me. It feels like the more misfortune occurs to the people around me the less I want to put them in danger. I'll try, Hoseok. If you want all of us to live outside the palace, then I'll try. You will have to fight for it, but not against me.”

“I feel like I'm going crazy. Why are we like this? Why are we marrying people we don't love and try to fool everyone? Why do we have to be torn apart by basically everything that happens around us? I just want to be close to you. I have the feeling that everything is burning around me and you're in the middle of the fire. It hurts and I burn myself, while still moving towards you, because I still want you. You and no-one else.” His arms circled Hyungwon's slim waist and pressed him closer to his naked chest, harsh breaths hitting the other man's skin.

“I came because I wanted to be with you. I hoped you could give me something that would remain with my body during the ceremony, so I have something tangible that makes me feel like I'm yours. I want to be yours and I would marry you if I could, Hoseok. I would. I love you,” Hyungwon murmured and rubbed his blonde hair over Hoseok’s cheek. His voice cracked in the middle even though he visibly attempted to keep his composure. “We need to move within the boundaries while slowly stretching them out from the inside.”

“I keep asking myself whether all of this is worth it, but then you're next to me like this, turning the burn into pleasant warmth and making me want to drown in you, melt into you, become part of you. I love you, Hyungwon, I love you so fucking much,” he whispered and kissed the golden skin of the king's neck, letting his lips trace his jugular and exhaling into the tiny, curled ear.

“Then become a part of me,” Hyungwon breathed out and tightened his grip before pulling him along as he walked backwards. Once they reached the bed, the blonde man simply let himself fall on top of it, taking Hoseok along. Not even a second passed until he felt plump lips on his.

It felt as if someone poured gasoline into the fire, flame exploding into a giant fireball that burned him up from the inside. He licked into the warm mouth hungrily. It felt so desperate, as if being close to the gorgeous, blonde man was his salvation, the solution to all of their problems, the only way to breathe. His hands undid the buttons of the black silk shirt, one by one as his lips littered Hyungwon's golden chest with kisses, brushing over his small nipples and playing with them.

The beautiful man moaned softly and attempted to lift his body from the sheets to pull the silk shirt off his shoulders. His breaths were already ragged and a gorgeous blush spread over his face.

“I- I want you inside of me,” he whispered and pulled at Hoseok’s waistband, teeth chewing on his bottom lip. “The feeling stays and I- I want to think of you today, even more than usual.”

Hoseok didn't say anything, his mouth was busy kissing every patch of the beautiful caramel-like skin that he could find. Licking over the pretty navel, he undid the button of Hyungwon's black jeans, pulling them down his long legs.

There was a quiet whimper as the blonde man helped him to remove his pajama pants and lifted his legs to let Hoseok take off his underwear. Hyungwon seemed so urgent in his motions, lying back down on the sheets as soon as he was beautifully naked. He looked desperate, unwilling to remove his ice-blue eyes from Hoseok’s. They were warm, so impossibly warm. Long legs spread to accommodate him and lean arms pulled him closer again. It seemed like they were only able to breathe when they were flush against each other, lips connected.

Reaching for his bedside table, Hoseok took out the small bottle and coated his fingers, immediately letting them travel between their bodies. His lips attached to Hyungwon's plump ones, licking into his mouth while he slipped two fingers into the other man's tight body. There was a hiss that quickly transitioned into a moan as Hyungwon threw his head back and relaxed his body. The blonde man lifted one of his legs and stroked along Hoseok’s hip while fingers travelled over his chest and nipples.

“I-I don't need much, please.”

Slipping a third finger in carefully, Hoseok rubbed over the sensitive spot, pulling at the other man's bottom lip with his teeth and hissing right into his face from the arousal that spread along his body. Hyungwon was gorgeous, beautiful, everything he had ever dreamt of.

“I want you, I want you so much, fuck, please.”

Hyungwon moaned softly at a motion of his fingers and pushed his hips forward to meet it. The blonde man's fingers tugged at his hair and he kissed his lips repeatedly, begging him to continue, to allow him to feel him.

They lost their minds, touching each other desperately, wanting to be close, whispering love confessions into each other’s faces and burning together in the painful flames surrounding them.

His feelings, his most private thoughts, the way he saw the world and how he perceived everything around him, Hyungwon enhanced it, set it on fire, put out the blaze, before pouring gasoline over the live coals and creating a darting flame that burned everything down.

The dazzling blonde man watched him with his ice-blue eyes, intensity overwhelming, before his red mouth parted in a gorgeous low moan, desperate and urgent, replacing every coherent thought with the desire to connect himself with the golden body below him, to become one, even if it was temporary.

When he was with Hyungwon time and space stopped existing.

_There is only you and there is only him._

It was too much, but still it wasn’t enough.  
  


***

 

There was so much pressure and pain that was connected with the occurrences in his life. The pressure to perform well, to do the right thing, to not disappoint. There was pain from having to stay away from Hoseok, from not being able to see the black-haired man even though Hyungwon knew that the other had avoided leaving his room. It was helplessness that continued on into every area of his life, his love, his friendships and his political decisions.

It was the day he was about to marry a woman that he did not love in order to enable her to pursue a political career. It was the right thing to do. He was sure about that, but he wished that doing the right thing would feel less painful than it did.

There was a sensation of emptiness in his chest, one that only spread and got worse, hollow and disgusting the longer he stared at himself in the mirror, staring at the clothes he was wearing for the royal wedding.

Hyungwon wanted right decisions to feel pleasant and there were rare moments when they did. When he had dropped the tailored suit to the ground, not caring whether it got wrinkled or not and simply ran over to his window before climbing out of it - that had felt right. When he entered Hoseok’s bedchambers and curled his arms around the black-haired man’s body - it felt right too. It felt so right that he wasn’t able to separate. He wasn’t even sure if he would be able to when the time for the wedding came.

His senses were on overdrive and desperation seeped into every motion the more time passed by. He wanted to feel everything of the other man, to memorize the way the pale skin gave out under his fingertips, the way muscular arms pulled him close and wrapped around him, the way curved lips brushed over his and littered every inch of his skin with kisses. It was everything and more.

The pleasure that passed through his lower body and crawled upwards along his spine stole his coherency as he moaned and stroked over Hoseok’s thigh with his calf, spreading his legs further. He wanted him, he wanted him so much that it felt like he would suffocate if their bodies weren't touching. It felt right, every touch and caress felt perfect, like it was meant to be.

“I was made for you,” he whispered and threw his head back again, rubbing over Hoseok’s white sheets as his left leg curled around the black-haired man’s hips. He wanted him inside of him, to fill him out and make him forget how he was doing the right thing but only being close to the other man felt right.

Hoseok didn’t seem aware either, harsh breaths leaving his curved lips as he pushed himself into his body, moaning right into his face. He wasn’t quite used to the sensation, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter at all and Hyungwon merely wrapped his arms tighter around Hoseok’s neck and exhaled harshly to relax his body and allow the other man to enter him to the brim. He lifted his legs a little higher and curled them around Hoseok’s hips while littering the other man’s face with kisses.

“You’re perfect, you’re perfect, Hoseok. Kiss me,” he whispered and stroked over black hair, tugging at it to finally feel the curved lips on his again.

The beautiful, black-haired man complied, licking into his mouth while sliding further until their thighs touched and Hoseok hissed against his lips.

“I don’t want us to separate, ever,” the other man whispered before inhaling deeply.

“We won’t, I don’t allow it.” Hyungwon shifted his hips, arranging his body a little lower to be able to lift his legs higher and give Hoseok more space to move. It was crazy to be that close, to stare at each other with big eyes and tickle each other’s cheeks with every exhale. Pleasure building in his lower body, arousal burning and urging him to move, to feel the way Hoseok thrust inside of him, but he felt frozen by the gaze that met his. It was beautiful and he wanted to see it every day, every second.

_Who are they to keep you from seeing him every day? If living outside means that you can have him next to you, why should you be scared?_

“I’m sorry, I should be able to take this much if it means that I can be next to you,” the other man whispered against his lips and leaned in, licking over them and nibbling on his bottom lip, eyes fluttering shut. A few moments passed before he felt Hoseok move back and roll his hips into him smoothly, sensually, as if he wanted to perceive every single sensation.

Hyungwon moaned but the sound was caught by the other man’s lips, followed by a whimper and the attempt to attach himself even more than he already did. He wanted them to melt into each other, to become one and inseparable.

“I am sorry for being scared. If living outside means that I can be with you there is nothing that I want more, Hoseok,” he whispered and licked over the curved bottom lip, tasting so much like the man in front of him. Hyungwon wanted more, he wanted his senses to perceive nothing but Hoseok. “Make me yours, I want to feel everything, please.”

“I’m a slave for you, I would do anything, you’re the only one who can make me feel this way.” Hoseok leaned back a little and took his legs, placing them on top of his muscular shoulders. Sucking in a deep breath, he kept the eye contact and thrust into his body, hitting dead on and moaning with his mouth parted.

Hyungwon barely contained a scream as white danced in front of his eyes, blurring the sight of the man above him until it finally cleared and his mind was occupied by ocean-blue eyes and the pleasure in his groin again. He reached out and stroked over Hoseok’s chest, brushing over his nipples and attempting to remember the texture of the beautiful pale skin, to memorize the way it looked below his fingertips, so different in comparison.

“I want you to show me the world, Hoseok, like you did before, take walks with me along the river and brush over my cheek before kissing me tenderly. Wherever you go, I’ll follow. I promise,” he whispered, breaths ragged as he brushed a sweaty strand of hair from the other man’s forehead. Hoseok was mesmerizing, like a dream that he was forced to wake up from eventually. Hyungwon refused to wake up.

“I exist because you do,” the black-haired man whispered, as his warm palms moved along his body, stroking over his golden skin sensually, as he moved in and out of him, sending sparks of pleasure along his limbs. Leaning in, Hoseok bent him in half, connecting their lips and picking up the pace in the process, moans and sounds of skin slapping against skin filling the room.

Hyungwon drowned in the pleasure that mixed with the strong emotions he felt for the man above him. He was barely able to breathe as screams and moans left his lips without a break, nails scratched lightly along Hoseok’s back and his thighs quivered from the sparks that passed through them. It felt overwhelming and his vision blurred repeatedly as he rubbed his hair over the pillow.

“Please, please make me feel it,” he murmured, terrified that nothing would remain afterwards and he would have to rely on his own memories, on the way he remembered the pale skin felt under his fingertips. He wanted to think of Hoseok, at all times, even if he was marrying somebody else. “I want to think of you alone.”

“You’re the only one I can think about,” Hoseok replied and pulled out, licking into his mouth hungrily, before he felt the strong grip around his hips, and the black-haired man turned him around, so that he lay on his stomach. The sudden cold was replaced by the warmth of Hoseok’s body that settled on top of him while filling him out completely. The other man’s harsh breaths tickled his skin, just like the soft kisses littered his shoulder and neck while Hoseok started moving inside him, feeling every twitch of his muscles due to their proximity.

Hyungwon screamed, muffling the sound by burying his face in a pillow that he pulled towards himself with his right hand. It felt crazy, like an electric impulse that spread through his body and tingled along his limbs. His erection twitched with each thrust, rubbing over the silk sheets and adding friction that drove him absolutely mad.

“Please,” he begged helplessly, scratching over the write fabric.

Hoseok leaned back and he felt the other man’s hands tighten around his hips, using the grip to pull his body further into the precise, rough thrusts. Low, beautiful moans filled the room, Hoseok seemed to be losing himself in the pleasure, it sounded gorgeous.

Hyungwon loved it, he wanted to hear the other man's unrestrained sounds of pleasure all the time. It only drove his own arousal as he whimpered and pushed back as much as he could. The sounds were obscene but he didn't even care, he only wanted to feel the way Hoseok moved inside of him and filled him out. He was close, so close, but he didn't want it to end.

“I'm close, fuck, I feel like exploding,” Hoseok stuttered while his movements made him see white.

“Me- too,” Hyungwon moaned and held his breath, unable to keep his eyes open with how intense the pleasure was, toppling him over the edge ahead of the other man. His exhales were rough and he whimpered from oversensitivity while still meeting each thrust. He wanted Hoseok to moan the way he did, beautiful and unrestrained.

_You need this. You need him, Hyungwon._

Hoseok groaned and buried himself inside his body, holding the grip on his hips, thick length twitching inside him. He was aware this time, feeling the black-haired man release himself inside of him. It was intimate, something only he could feel, like he was the only one to see Hoseok at the height of pleasure, losing his senses. A few moments passed before he felt the other man's sweaty skin touch his own, curved lips pressing against his neck.

“I love you. I can't live without you, you're everything,” Hoseok whispered.

“Stay with me,” he whispered and shifted his knees a little. It felt crazy how full his body was, even though Hoseok had just orgasmed inside of him.

“I will,” Hoseok replied and sucked his earlobe into his mouth.

It was so intimate and Hyungwon whimpered again at the way sparks passed through his veins instead of blood. His eyes opened slowly as he focused on the way he had crumpled the pillow and messed up the sheets. It was all there.

“Will-” he began, but felt too embarrassed to continue at first. “Will you be disgusted when you pull out without-” he swallowed, “without bringing me to a bathroom first?”

“Wait what? Why would I be disgusted? You know what? I really want to make a mess,” Hoseok commented and pulled out, palms stroking over his behind before they spread his cheeks.

Hyungwon’s eyes widened and he wanted to crawl away, but couldn’t with the grip Hoseok had on his hips. He was beyond ashamed and his face felt like a ripe cherry, just way less sweet.

“Oh god- Hoseok. That- what are you doing?” he mumbled and used the pillow to bury his face in it. There was a soft touch of Hoseok’s lips against his butt cheek, before he felt the other man’s finger inside him. Just like the other man’s release that dropped from his body.

“I’m making a mess, but you look so fucking hot that I might get hard again.”

“Fuck,” Hyungwon muttered, eyes wide and shifted his legs a little. He was worried about contracting his muscles, but there was no real way to avoid it. “W-why? Isn’t it...inappropriate?”

“What? Fuck, why are you contracting? Now I'm hard again. Thank you very much,” Hoseok whined and rubbed against the sensitive spot inside him. Hyungwon whimpered, caught off guard by the sudden pleasure. His head pushed further into the pillow and he wiggled his hips from side to side. He wasn’t quite sure whether he did it to make Hoseok stop or to motivate him to continue, he was too embarrassed to think about that.

“God, I would love to fuck you really hard right now,” Hoseok murmured, slapping his behind once. Hyungwon moaned at that before swallowing audibly. His mind instantly returned the way he had felt only moments ago. His body reacted to the vivid images and he tried to pull his legs together to hide it. Inhaling sharply, he lifted his head just enough to uncover his lips.

“Why...don’t you?”

“Hold on,” the black-haired man whispered and lifted his hips so that he ended up lying on the sheets with his chest while holding his behind in the air. Hoseok pushed himself inside him easily and started moving, quick and rough, groaning and holding his hips in an iron grip.

Hyungwon screamed, first in surprise but quickly in pleasure as he barely registered what he was seeing in front of him. Squeezing his eyes shut, he grabbed the sheets with both fists and held on as pleasure exploded in his lower body. He didn’t even care what he was saying anymore, begging and moaning incoherently without a break. It felt good, so damn good. There was barely any roughness left as Hoseok slipped in and out of him, only leaving the pleasure that followed every thrust.

“I- I love it when you fuck me,” he groaned, using the vocabulary that the black-haired man always used. It was more appropriate for the situation somehow, for the way his body burned up.

“You make me lose my fucking mind, shit.” Hoseok slapped his butt while slamming his hips into his body with force. It was crazy how overwhelming the pleasure felt. He could barely breathe with the screams that left his lips and echoed of the walls. The force only added to the arousal and Hyungwon could feel himself reach the edge embarrassingly quickly. He held his breath and gasped again, unable to speak and warn Hoseok with how amazing it felt.

A few rough, quick thrusts were enough to make the black-haired man groan and bury myself inside his body, length twitching once again and filling him to the brim.

“Fuck. I'm fucking nuts.”

Hyungwon didn’t reply and merely breathed heavily, attempting to catch his breath. He didn’t even know what time it was and when he had to be at the wedding.

“I can’t think,” he murmured eventually and buried his face in the pillows again. There was semen sticking to his legs from his previous release and he felt really full and dizzy.

“Let's take a quick shower, you have to get married in two hours but you're lying under me while I'm balls deep inside you. You can't marry like this,” Hoseok commented and chuckled, placing a soft kiss on top of his shoulder.

“I can't, that's inappropriate,” Hyungwon agreed and nodded lazily. He must have really lost his mind with how slowly his brain worked, limbs barely listening to him. “I love you.”

“I love you too and I can't think of anything other than I don't want to leave your body.” Hoseok pulled out, contrary to his words, and wiped his behind before slipping a finger inside him and repeating the _mess_ he had created before. “They'll think that I jerked off all over the place. And Jeremy will be sad,” Hoseok murmured and pulled him up, closing his arms around him and carrying him to the bathroom. It was nice that the prince consort had his own.

“You mean- he heard all that?” Hyungwon asked with wide eyes as they stood in a spacious shower and Hoseok rubbed purple liquid between his palms. “But what if he knows!”

He had somehow become reckless, forgetting that moaning throughout the quarters of the prince consort wasn’t smart. Especially if he didn’t want rumors to spread through the palace.

_Maybe that is why he wants to move out. Nobody to watch over you there, not like this._

Hyungwon trusted Corbin and David with his life. There was no way that they would have been a danger to his life outside the palace.

_You already sound like you have decided. Is that what you want?_

“I want to live outside the palace walls with you,” he whispered suddenly.

“Jeremy knows. I want to live with you, no matter where it is, because in the end you're the one who makes living bearable for me. I love you, Hyungwon.” Hoseok pulled him flush against his chest, spreading shower gel over his back and behind while their lips connected. It was tender and Hyungwon didn’t want it to end.

“I love you too. I finally understand your dislike to put on particular clothes. I simply dropped my suit to the ground and climbed out of the window. The servant ladies will be upset with me,” he remarked with a pout before chuckling. “I allowed Lucy to choose the wedding dress. How likely is it that she will go against palace tradition and make a scandal out of it?”

“She likes dresses, but she might choose something fun. And the dress won't be white.” The black-haired man smiled and kissed him again. “We are both losing our minds, how long can we continue like this, what do you think?”

“Until someone finds out, throws us into prison and we continue in prison?” Hyungwon remarked with a grin and wiggled his eyebrow. It was a scary thought, but he didn’t want to think about it. He liked the image of living with Hoseok too much. He sighed and placed a kiss on Hoseok’s collarbone, licking along it. “I hope forever.”

“It sounds believable when you say it,” Hoseok whispered. “Thank you so much for being with me.”

Hyungwon smiled as he reached out and brushed over the other man’s flushed cheek. Hoseok was beautiful and it was difficult to not wish for one simple thing.

That the king’s words were the law, meant to become true.

 

_

 

The black fabric was perfectly tailored for his torso and accentuated the difference between his shoulders and his waist. There was no sound apart from the loud hammering of his heartbeat in his ears as he made his way to the wedding hall and played his role. He was the king who was getting married, a man happy and grateful to have found his other half.

_You have, but it is not her._

Only after interacting with all guests, shaking hands without a break and greeting the press, did he notice the repeated glances that were thrown towards the middle of the throne hall, redecorated for the purpose. His eyes landed on Lucy who was wearing a breathtakingly beautiful long dress made of dark green silk, emphasizing her figure. She looked healthy, blush spread over her pretty, milk chocolate like skin and she was smiling. At his sister who talked to her.

_They are similarly in love, aren't they?_

Hyungwon smiled and crossed the distance, holding out his hand and waiting for Lucy to give hers to him, thereby accepting the kiss he was ready to offer.

“I'm having a Deja vu, Hyungwon,” Lucy whispered and gave him her delicate hand, smiling brightly. Hyungwon's mind instantly brought him back to his first night outside the palace, in a crowded club where the woman in front of him had been crying uncontrollably because of her situation.

“A lot changed since then,” he replied and kissed the pretty, dark hand. Lucy had long fingers, almost like his own. “You look stunning in that dress. The media will be showing pictures of it everywhere. I fear you will be famous after this, my queen.”

Yewon snorted next to them as he called Lucy his queen, but the princess quickly covered her mouth with her palm, pretending to giggle. His sister had always been easy to see through for him. A glance was sufficient to see her interest, the jealousy she felt when Hyungwon kissed Lucy's hand. It was childish, but he instantly thought that the blonde girl would finally understand how he had felt on her wedding day.

_Only that she isn't the one to bless you._

An elderly couple whispered about Hyungwon choosing Lucy because of his own contaminated skin and he clenched his left fist to suppress the urge to hide or speak out.

_They will talk badly, also about children._

Hyungwon's eyes widened as he remembered Hoseok mentioning that Yewon desired children. There was only one person eligible for that and he disliked the thought, the image that Hoseok would have to be with his sister because of the women's selfish wish. He didn't want children if it meant they would be confined to the palace and its regulations.

“I apologize,” he murmured when his eyes returned to Lucy who was watching him intently. There must have been something about the way his face had looked while he thought.

“Better tell me why you walk weirdly,” his sister hissed quietly but with a smile to seem friendly from the outside. She stood unusually close to Lucy but nobody thought too much about that, assuming they were good friends.

A bright smile spread Lucy's cheeks as she turned to his sister and raised an eyebrow.

“Probably for the same reason you do, baby,” she mouthed and grinned.

Yewon blushed which was painfully obvious with her pale skin and slapped Lucy's arm, visibly embarrassed.

“Oh god, I don't want to think about that. What the hell, what is wrong with all of us?” she exclaimed and stared at the ceiling like she hoped it would hide her embarrassment. “It’s none of his business what we do.”

_Lucy was just like you, hoping to see the person she loves before being promised to somebody else._

“The same applies to you, sister.” He looked around but couldn't see familiar black hair and broad shoulders.

“Have you- have you seen him?” Hyungwon asked carefully and swallowed. He wanted to see Hoseok, even if he had seen him only one and a half hours ago. He wanted to see the ocean blue eyes before the proper ceremony began.

“Mhm, I wondered how he had any strength to do you, looking like a ghost after not eating for two days. But I guess that’s the power of love? He's with Jeremy, they seem to get along so well, isn't it nice?” Lucy smiled and pointed at the east corner of the hall where he could see the familiar broad shoulders, covered by a dark blue suit. It fit so well to the other man's ocean-blue eyes.

There was a spark of dissatisfaction in his chest that he wasn't able to keep off his face. He knew that the guard boy was friends with Hoseok, but he was still a little worried about him knowing about them in addition to the time Hoseok had told him that Jeremy considered him attractive. Overall, he was being unpleasantly jealous.

“He did me twice,” he remarked for some reason that was not even apparent to him. It must have been stupidity, Hoseok had taken his coherency from him for good. Blushing a little he simply nodded quickly and attempted to escape towards Hoseok.

_He loves you and you know it. Relax._

Hoseok was smiling at the tall black-haired man who stood next to him and patted his shoulder. It looked intimate.

“It's a pleasure to see you,” Hyungwon remarked and stepped closer, placing his palm on Hoseok’s shoulder. It was unusual and he had never done it before, not in public. But here he was, losing his mind.

“Hey, how- are you?” Hoseok asked as his ocean-blue eyes focused on his face, smile pulling at the corners of his red, curved lips. Jeremy bowed, waiting for his sign.

“Would you leave us?” It wasn't really necessary, not at an event where every second was recorded and he couldn't really be genuine, but somehow, he still wanted to be alone with Hoseok.

“Sure, your majesty” Jeremy murmured and turned to Hoseok. “See you later, mate.” He grinned and turned around, joining Corbin and David at the entrance. Hyungwon smiled a little at that. Their guards must have been getting along too all this time.

“Want to try sending away all the wedding guests? I don't have anything against being alone with you,” Hoseok commented and leaned closer, whispering in his ear. “I would kiss you properly.”

A shudder passed through Hyungwon's body and he could feel blood rush to his face. This was bad.

“I- I would if I could,” he stuttered and glanced around quickly. The media team was occupied with Lucy and her dress. After all they had seen him often enough in the past months. He returned his gaze to Hoseok and bit down on his lip. The atmosphere was different somehow. “I still feel you.”

“I was- very affected, it left an impression. I miss you already,” Hoseok murmured, licking over his lips. “I have the feeling that acting gets more difficult every day.”

Hyungwon nodded slowly and was just about to reply when a short elderly woman with bright blonde hair, blue eyes and a fake smile appeared, bowing briefly.

“What a pleasure to see you again, your majesty. The last time had been when you were a little boy, crying because you fell from a tree.” She grinned, perfectly aware that he hadn't ‘fallen’, before she turned to Hoseok. “You must be Lee Hoseok, sole heir to a heavy industry empire.”

“I am, the question is who are you and what gives us the honor?” Hoseok replied, eyes immediately turning into the stormy sea, unreadable.

“I am the sister of the deceased king, I am surprised that you aren't familiar with me considering how you are suddenly making your way into politics, much like the low-class humans who haven't dared to do so for hundreds of years. I am surprised that we are returning to the jungle, your majesty,” the woman remarked, brushing her blonde hair back like it gave her privileges.

_She's talking about Lucy._

Hyungwon's blood boiled at the words, hands clenched into fists only to unclench again, like he was merely relaxing his muscles.

Hoseok smiled beautifully and bowed once, before leaning in a little closer.

“I love how you felt it necessary to join this celebration, just to make yourself seem important,” the black-haired man commented, smiling even wider. “And now please fuck off. His majesty might be a person familiar with proper conduct, but I was in prison, so I don't give a shit. Find a hobby instead of bothering others. You better not say something like this to Lucy or you might get a fist.” There was another bow as Hoseok took the woman's hand and placed a kiss on top.

The black-haired man had always been good at hiding acts of disrespect. There was nothing that the elderly woman could say against him, nothing at all.

_You have to do something too. You aren't helpless, Hyungwon. She might want to talk to the media._

Clearing his throat, he made sure to speak loud enough for a few surrounding guests to hear.

“I appreciate that you have decided to attend the wedding between me and the future queen. However, unlike to my father, I do not support the shaming of skin or heritage and therefore kindly ask you to leave. Now.” He smiled briefly as a finish and nodded at the guards who quickly made their way towards them. Hyungwon used the moment shamelessly and placed his arm around Hoseok’s shoulders, taking him along while feeling he was about to faint.

“Guess who will get shit from nobles, fuck,” he murmured and blinked a few times to try to get rid of the pressure at his temples. He was crazy.

“Wow, your majesty, I think you need to give me some private lessons on how to tell someone to fuck off in the ‘nice and civilized’ version,” Hoseok whispered and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Oh, shut up,” he hissed in return and inconspicuously joined Lucy and Yewon who were whispering to each other quietly. They were the least questionable people to hang out with.

_There isn't much time before you will have to kiss her._

“Did you just tell aunt Zoe to fuck off?” Yewon asked quietly, staring at him in shock and squeezing Lucy's arm like it was her fault. He didn't reply, sighing instead.

“I did. And Hyungwon was being the educated, civilized person. I'm proud of him.” Hoseok almost curled his arm around him but realized and put the palm inside his own back pocket instead. Hyungwon regretted not feeling it, but it was better that way.

“Let's talk after this is over,” he whispered and reached out to grab Lucy's hand. It was time.

It felt like everything happened in a trance as he moved through each step in the process that he knew by heart to the next, mechanically doing what was expected of him and smiling. The way Lucy looked at him was a reassurance. The short but beautiful woman was so much stronger than him, smiling brightly and following every request with grace.

“How do you do this?” he whispered quietly just before the Queens Crown was placed on Lucy's head, followed by their promises and the kiss.

“I decide on the go, whether the acting is worth it or not. I like you and I'm thankful that you're going this far, just to circumvent the law and enable me to be involved in politics officially. I also think about Hoseok, it would be terrible for him if it was someone else in my place,” Lucy muttered, glancing over to the gorgeous black-haired man who had his arm wrapped around his sister's waist. It looked like they were supporting each other.

“I do it because I like you too and I trust you,” Hyungwon replied, mirroring the bright smile. The crown was placed in his hands, a beautiful white gold and covered with jewels. Most of them were green, as if it had been made for the woman in front of him to wear.

Still smiling he lifted it, not much because it wasn't necessary, and placed it on the pretty woman's head. There were promises to be made and he spoke his own as Lucy spoke hers, followed by a repetition of what he had seen in books and guidelines.

Suddenly the short woman leaned in and whispered into his ear.

“I will kiss you like I would kiss a friend. You're my friend, so it's okay.”

Hyungwon nodded, placing his hands on Lucy's waist and waited for her to do the rest, eyes fluttering shut.

There was nothing for a few moments before he felt Lucy's hands wrap around his neck and warmth against his lips. It was soft, like air, without much pressure or urgency. It was a touch, an intimate touch, but still just a touch.

Loud cheers and clapping filled the hall as Hyungwon slowly realized that reaching his lips must have been tiring for Lucy, so he leaned down a little, murmuring an apology against her mouth.

“It's fine, baby, let's get it,” her pleasant, low voice whispered and she leaned back, getting a little shorter as she had been standing on her tiptoes.

It was cute somehow. Grasping her hand, Hyungwon smiled for the cameras and accepted congratulations as they made their way over to to Hoseok and Yewon and simply hugged them both. It was acceptable and he was human too. It was too tiring to pretend to be a machine. He was a human that needed a hug by the person he was in love with, no more, no less.

“It'll be okay,” he whispered into Hoseok’s ear as he curled his arms around his broad body and buried his face in the crook of his neck.

It was all going to be okay.

 

_

 

Hyungwon felt dizzy as he was sitting at the head of the table in the consultation hall, crown heavy on his head and all the candidates assembled at the table. Hoseok and Lucy were both seated at each side of the table. His wife was wearing her white-golden crown as the queen. It felt strange to be meeting with them even though they had argued for changes and seen each other frequently over the past two months.

_This might be the last time._

It was probably the last time that he officially wore the crown, his last day as the monarch with political power. He wouldn't stop being the king, but the title would become politically meaningless, only a part of history. It was unclear whether the title would continue after him, but it seemed like the crown was meant to die with him.

_Because you won't have any children._

“Please read the results,” he ordered.

The independent individual from the international NGO entered the room and cleared his throat, as if he knew how much depended on the news he brought and he attempted to delay them a little. Various organizations had been monitoring the elections and it was time to get the results as the election bureaus closed and there was only a minute until six.

“I hereby announce the results of the elections to the present candidates. Chae Hyungwon, thirty percent, Davis Lucy, seventeen percent, Lee Hoseok, nine percent. All the other votes were distributed between the other parties and candidates and are not enough to form a government. In this case it means that you would have to form a coalition with each other, despite different party platforms. None of you is able to form the government on your own.” The middle-aged man cleared his throat once again and looked at the people present.

Hyungwon stared at the way the man's wrinkly hands held the paper with the election results. He hoped it might change if he stared at it long enough. So much depended on a simple piece of paper, decided by the people of his country.

He hadn't expected to win, rather the opposite. He had wanted Lucy to win as she deserved it the most and was admirable as a leader. The mixed results were difficult to comprehend and didn't fit with what he was used to. How were several people meant to make decisions? Wouldn't they have to agree on everything?

There had been enough political arguments between him and Hoseok that had successfully filled several news articles and he couldn't imagine how that would change through a coalition.

“What are your opinions on this?” he asked eventually and looked around the table. There were a few bitter faces that didn't bother with his question and already prepared to leave the room. “I require the top three parties to remain in the room. Everybody else is free to leave.” It felt strange to still be the one in charge as long as there was no definite decision made.

There was shuffling as individuals packed their documents and exited the room, leaving Hoseok, Lucy and him, sitting around a piece of paper that was the result of his changes to the constitution.

“I thought you would get more, but I guess the nobles ran to the right wing that was too fractured to be effective. To be able to make decisions, we have to form a coalition. Together we will have to create policies with the individuals involved and form the government while dealing with the opposition consisting of the right wing which will make our lives difficult. And you- will be the head of state. The president.” Lucy finished and stared at him, big brown eyes watching him intently.

_You have to remain like this. There seems to be no real way out of politics for you._

It wasn't a scary thought. Hyungwon had grown up learning and preparing for politics. It was the profession he was the most qualified for, even if his opinions on how to do it right had changed considerably over the past one and a half years.

His heart beating fast, he glanced at Hoseok, staring at him intently. Those ocean-blue eyes never failed to steal his breath away, not even when they were of different opinions. “What do you think?”

“I don't know. I never thought that there could be a future in which I would be part of this country's government, I'm overwhelmed. I was sure that nobody would elect me.” There was pure confusion and helplessness in the other man's face.

“I'm… not really surprised. I had hoped that it would be Lucy, but the surveys I have done showed support for your behavior and radical changes, Hoseok. To be honest, I am grateful to be able to work with the two of you. I'm grateful that I'm not left alone with this, but have somebody to tell me when I'm being stupid and unreasonable.” Hyungwon smiled and reached out to grasp the black-haired man's hand, squeezing it briefly. “It will be okay, I'm sure.”

“Will it?” Hoseok asked, staring into nothing. It didn't seem as if the other man wanted an answer.

It was a change, an unexpected switch in what they had expected to happen and there was no way but to accept to. The three of them had a good relationship, they were even friends and knew the strengths and weaknesses of each other. There were so many things they would be able to achieve as long as they worked together.

Curling his fingers around the crown on his head, he lifted it and placed it on the table in front of him, smiling a little.

“We are equal in this and I cannot wait to stop Hoseok from doing something crazy while being called conservative in response,” he spoke and simply stood up, leaning over the table. It was the two of them that had taught him to be affectionate, to embrace when there was the urge.

Pulling both of them up from their chairs, he leaned in and hugged them, closing his eyes to focus on the sensation.

“A very smart woman once said that a sad person needs a hug.”

“Let's get it,” Lucy exclaimed and squeezed his waist in response while Hoseok still looked out of it as a smile pulled at his mouth corners.

“Let's get it,” Hyungwon repeated and stroked over Lucy's hair once before removing his arms around the two. He still wasn't quite sure what Lucy meant, but she had used it so often that he had simply adapted it for similar situations.

_But why is he concerned? Isn't it perfect?_

Cupping Hoseok’s chin with his right hand, he placed a kiss on those familiar curved lips.

“What are you worried about? Isn't this what you wanted? The possibility to change something?”

“The only thing I really wanted was to be next to you,” Hoseok whispered, mouth parting at the kiss. “I'm not sure whether I can now.”

Hyungwon's eyes widened in confusion. There was nothing stopping them from being close.

“Why wouldn't you? Nothing has changed. You were in an opposing party before and you still are. You were mine before and you still are.” Curling his fingers around Hoseok’s wrist, he squeezed once. “I don't care whether people talk about us being friendly with each other, Hoseok.”

There was hesitation, before the black-haired man with the beautiful, ocean-blue eyes curled his arms around his waist, and leaned in, stopping only when there were a few centimeters between their faces.

“Nothing changed, I guess I just went from being in love with the king to being in love with the president.”

“But the president opposes discrimination, just the way it should be. It will change,” he murmured and swallowed once. “It's not the same, it's not as forbidden as it was, Hoseok. Maybe we can really change something, be who we are even without shedding layers of responsibilities.”

“Let's see,” was the short answer, as the ocean-blue eyes disappeared behind the pale eyelids and he felt the red, curved lips against his.

“Amazing, what kind of drama is this? We need a program, you idiots, this is not about your love story. We have a huge pile of work and I wanted to see Yewon today, so get your assess down and let's start.” Lucy slapped her palm against the table.

Hyungwon couldn't help the smile that instantly passed over his lips. Maybe this was why they were elected all together. People have strengths and weaknesses and he was all too aware of his own, but also of those of the rather confident woman next to him and the pessimistic man on his other side. He knew them like the back of his hand, aware of the goals they had, which aspirations they desired to achieve and which ways they considered legitimate to do so.

More than a year ago Hyungwon had never thought that he would end up being the head of a country that was ruled by the will of the people instead of the king. So much had happened in so little time and he still couldn't believe that he was in love with his sister’s husband while having his sister's lover as his queen. It was complicated, but there were no other people he could have cared to call his family. He had never had the feeling that he could share a secret or reveal his thoughts, that he could admit to desires like the ones he was acting on almost every day. Had he not met Hoseok he would have been terrified by himself, avoiding all confrontation.

It hadn't been the people on the outside that wished him harm, not at all. Rather it had been those that fought to keep the status quo, those that acted on money and profit instead of the wellbeing of others. It was impossible to list everything that the black-haired man had done for him, everything that he had learned over the span of a year.

Even now when he looked at the beautiful man, he felt the same burning warmth in his chest, the exact same one that spread through him when they had kissed by the river, when they had held hands during a walk, when they climbed and escaped together, when they whispered about their worries at night in the garden. Instead of fading it had only changed into more, into pleasant memories of them together, hiding from guards and basking in each other's affection, but also painful memories of Hoseok marrying his sister and being imprisoned. All of it was important somehow, building a picture of their relationship and what they had been able to achieve together.

“Thank you,” he whispered quietly and closed his eyes, focusing on the burning feeling inside his chest that only got stronger when he thought of the sight that would meet his as soon as he opened them. Ocean blue eyes, a turmoil in colors that transitioned into each other and wrapped around a deep black. Only when he counted to three did he open his eyes, ready to be overwhelmed just like the first time.

“Thank you, because without you I could never be myself, Hoseok.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DON'T FORGET THE EPILOGUE!!!!!
> 
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	22. EPILOGUE

The breeze ruffled his hair as he leaned over the handrail of the spacious balcony, watching the busy street. There were a lot of cars as it was a weekday and people hurried home from work, sometimes creating a honking fest when someone decided to park in the middle of the street. There were several colors, red, white and black. Sometimes there was a yellow car or a green one. Every time one of those drove by, he smiled, being ridiculously happy about meaningless variety. It must’ve been some kind of mental rule, that variety was good, that difference was amazing and encountering examples of variety had to enhance his mood significantly.

_It’s just cars, Hoseok._

It was utterly meaningless, still he smiled, playing with the ring in his lip. Looking up he watched a big cloud float by. He hoped it wouldn’t rain as a pigeon flew over and settled on the handrailing, a few meters from him.

_He can fly and you’re caught at home._

He really wanted to work. It was getting annoying to sit at home and wait for his recovery while Lucy and the others were in the middle of negotiations, trying to push through marriage equality. He felt utterly useless, but Yewon threatened to strangle him with her bare hands if he dared to go out before the doctor considered his treatment to be complete.

_But he’s overly careful with you, that’s why._

Rubbing over the wound in his shoulder, he hissed because it still hurt, a little bit. The fucker had one of the good guns. His parents’ production and of amazing quality.

_Must be fate to get shot by the product of your family business._

Just that he didn’t consider them family, they were random people, strangers, criminals who were locked up in prison. He had watched his uncle get arrested after winning the lawsuit and had gone to the familiar building to be sure that the blue-eyed royal asshole would rot in jail for sure. It had felt like final justice, but nothing more. He had imagined he would feel happy and at ease, but there was nothing like that. He had visited his parents once, just to thank them for making enough money for him to create a fund for victims of gun violence and discrimination. Hoseok didn’t want to use all the money anyway and it was dirty, so he considered it only right to give it back to the people that were harmed.

Two years had passed since the evening in the palace where the middle-aged man had announced the results of the democratic elections. So many things had changed but they also hadn’t. The palace became a place to work, housing the parliament and a museum, depicting the history of the royal family. A few independent professors had helped to review the documents critically and to create an accurate representation of events. He had visited it once, it was interesting.

_In the end you were just a crack in the glass castle. It’s still there._

_But so are you._

Hoseok smiled at his own thoughts and crossed both arms in front of his chest, huffing in distaste. It was frustrating to fight the system and create a new government, just to end up hurt at home and not being allowed to go out. He was 21 years old, it was pure disrespect.

_It doesn’t matter where you are, you will still feel caught, won’t you?_

He wanted to go out, to talk to his colleagues, to discuss the current issues that bothered him and that he wanted to address as soon as possible. He also wanted to curse at the opposition, promoting their shitty skin color fetishism, but instead he stood on the balcony of their city villa and hated everything.

_It seems to be a character trait of yours._

More than anything else, he wanted to see Hyungwon. It was unfair, really, after suffering so much in the palace, after all those tears that he had cried to finally be together with the blonde man, they still only saw each other in the evening. While living in one house and sharing a bedroom.

_You could have spared the embarrassing tears if you knew back then._

In the end they lived while fooling everyone on the outside. All four of them shared a villa and it seemed like two couples living together, but it was a ridiculous mess from the inside.

_You seem like a different person now._

He was, he had learned so much during the past two years while being part of the government. Everything was a matter of perception. Everything besides human rights. There were still people trying to stop him, to kill him, like the guy who shot him in the shoulder during a demonstration for gay marriage. It was not even an egoistic approach, he didn’t care anymore. Being married to Yewon was fine, as long as he could be next to the person he loved. He didn’t need an official bond to feel good about himself and his relationship.

_Fuck them. Some people do need it, so they should just suck it up and let others have nice things too. They will try again, won’t they?_

They might, but a stupid bullet could never stop him. Ever.

Glancing down he saw a black car stopping in front of the front door and the familiar blonde head that he could recognize from every fucking perspective by now.

_Hyungwon._

He jumped up like a bunny, rubbing over his wound quickly after overdoing it, and ran to the door like a crazy bastard. Breathing harshly, he stopped and leaned against the white wall, waiting until he heard the keys turn in the keyhole and the door finally opened.

“I hate everything and I’m going to work tomorrow,” he exclaimed first thing after the gorgeous man entered their house. “You can’t stop me and I won’t consider your opinion.”

Hyungwon raised an eyebrow as he closed the door behind himself and hung his key next to Hoseok’s on a new hook on the right. The blonde man didn’t reply until he stood right in front of him and stretched out his index finger, poking his shoulder once. It was impossible to contain the hiss, instantly revealing the state of his wound.

“No, you’re not.”

“Listen, if I kick you in the balls, you might also show signs of pain, it’s not fair. You think now that you’re the president I will listen to you? No fucking way, I’m dying here, I didn’t rot in prison for a month and cry ugly fucking tears into your lap to be treated with this disrespect,” he commented and stuck out his tongue, playing with his lip piercing on the way. The tiny metal ring was special, a present the beautiful, blonde man had brought him in the night when he was stabbed in the palace.

Hyungwon chuckled and brushed over his cheek with his thumb before placing a brief kiss on his lips.

“You are overly dramatic. How long has it been? Two weeks? You sound like your own home is a prison that you were forced into. You chose it yourself, with us.” Grinning briefly, the blonde man slipped out of his shoes and arranged them at the side carefully, placing them into a cupboard that he checked for pairs that were arranged wrongly and closed again.

_What? Overly dramatic?_

“Now listen up, Mr. President, I chose this place because you can go to work quickly and I didn’t choose it to hang around here and hate my life. Even the stupid pigeons are mocking me. I am going to work, I’m fine, my body is fine.” Huffing, he closed the distance, and lifted the other man in the air by the grip on his lean thighs. Stepping closer to the wall, he pressed Hyungwon against it with his hips and swallowed at the stinging in his shoulder. “See?” he whispered against the beautiful, red lips.

The blonde man had yelped at the sudden movement and instantly held onto his neck, careful to not apply too much pressure.

“I don’t want you to go to work tomorrow,” he whispered and licked over his lips quickly, staring somewhere past Hoseok’s cheek like he was hiding something. Nobody else could tell, not even the most versed politicians, but it was like a game for Hoseok, one that he won in a matter of seconds.

“I know, you don’t want me to go to work, you don’t want me to poison myself, to go to jail, to tell people to go fuck themselves if they’re racist. You just don’t want me to have fun and do what I think is right.” Hoseok grinned and licked over Hyungwon’s thick bottom lip. “I did all this to be next to you, I can’t accept this punishment, I’m suffocating, seriously.”

“What if-” Hyungwon paused and raised an eyebrow again. “What if I don’t want you to do all those things so that you- careful a plot twist- don’t die? Can’t you go to work on Monday? Tomorrow is Friday, a day when most people don’t work appropriately anyway, so how about you do the same, stay at home and start the week freshly on Monday?”

_He’s trying to persuade you._

Raising his left eyebrow, Hoseok acted in thought, before focusing his gaze on the ice-blue eyes in front of him and mouthing a ‘no’ into the beautiful man’s face.

“I won’t die. I never die, didn’t you see?”

“Don’t only judge future occurrences based on past statistics. I thought you should know that better than anyone considering that Lucy gave you a lecture only yesterday. You want to go to work tomorrow? Fine, but sad because I wasn’t going to.” Pursing his lips, Hyungwon struggled to be let down, rubbing over the wall with his back and pulling at the sleeves of Hoseok’s shirt. The blonde man had probably planned to disappear after the last sentence, but wasn’t able to with the way Hoseok had him pinned to the wall.

_Damn it. Why are you so weak, Hoseok?_

“This isn’t fair,” he murmured and thought about a proper answer, but sighed and rolled his hips instead, burying his face in the warm crook of Hyungwon’s neck. “I miss you, I miss you so much that I’m going crazy. Why doesn’t it stop? I thought it would stop when we started living together.”

“You will probably make fun of me, but in the palace, there was a book, it is the same one I told you about before, about love and the different types of love. It said that once you really love another person the love itself does not disappear but only changes in the way you express it. I think it is the same with us. I feel just as strongly when I see your face or look at the way the various shades of blue interact in your eyes. But at the same time, it is not as desperate and urgent anymore, rather it is a pleasant warmth that remains whenever you touch me or look at me.” Suddenly Hyungwon smiled and kissed his lips, lean arms curling around his neck. “Or when you tell me that you will do me the favor and stay home tomorrow. With me.”

“I don’t even know if I should fight or if I should just make you beg for my personal satisfaction, thinking that I’ve won.” Grinning, he leaned in and littered Hyungwon’s face with kisses. No matter how much time passed, there was nothing he missed more in his life than the tall, blonde man with the gold-like skin and plump lips, whispering beautiful sentences into his ear when he woke up in the morning, when they argued at work, or when the other man wanted him to do something, pressing all his buttons he knew so well.

It took only a few seconds for the beautiful red color to spread over Hyungwon’s cheeks, all the way to the tips of his ears as his big eyes fluttered shut and he gasped, merely staring at him.

“Feel free to think that you won,” he murmured, but it sounded less sure than only moments ago as long fingers intertwined with the black strands of his hair, massaging his scalp.

“You know what’s unfair? That I am doing everything in my power to not experience the feeling of emptiness when I can’t see you. I live with you, we share a bed, we wake up and go to sleep together, but still- still I’m addicted, still I want to see and have you by my side when you’re busy, or gone, or want to be alone, it’s frustrating. Why doesn’t it go away? Why am I so greedy?” Hoseok whispered and pressed Hyungwon against the wall, using his hips and grasped the other man’s round chin between his thumb and index finger, kissing his pretty lips.

“Maybe it is so you always have something to look forward to,” was the quiet reply, followed by hands that pulled him closer and long legs that crossed at his back, holding on tightly. “And maybe you should also move away from the door in case someone considers it appropriate to listen in at our door again. There was this elderly man before and the thought makes me very uncomfortable. Free countries can be scary.”

His eyes widened and he immediately stepped away from the wall, walking towards their bedroom and closing the door behind him.

“You know, I have too much time to think lately, because of getting shot and staying at home and everything. Do you actually miss the palace? We have never talked about it, you just left with me as if it was something that you’ve wanted all along, but- was that the case? Did you really want to leave, or did you do it for me? Was it worth it?” he whispered and let Hyungwon sit on the edge of the bed, kneeling between the other man’s long, suit pants-clad legs.

“Whether I miss the palace?” Hyungwon asked back and used the time that the question remained in the air to think, lips pulling together a little and hands stroking over Hoseok’s hair. “There are things I miss and others that I am glad to have left behind. I miss the big walls, the excitement of breathing in fresh air when I opened the window and prepared to climb out. I also miss the strolls through the garden, the thoughts of entering the labyrinth and having to find my way out on my own. When something that you desire so much suddenly becomes readily available it loses some of its magic. Freedom did that for me. It isn’t as special anymore to open the door and step out, to breathe fresh air, especially since I am never really on my own like I was back then, in the garden. However, you are an exception for all of this. I have always wanted to be with you and the companionship and love you have given me back then, in the garden, in our bedchambers and whenever I was in your arms is the same that you are giving me now and I have not begun to desire it any less than I did back then.” The blonde man’s thighs tightened a little bit around him to have him closer and Hyungwon swallowed before continuing. “I came with you because I wanted to be with you and because I wanted to learn what it is like to be outside, to live outside and have to make basic decisions. I am grateful for that as I doubt that I could have made good decisions for people without knowing their daily struggles, without knowing that actually a lot of them want to raise a dog or a cat, have a boss that appreciates them and a lover to kiss publicly without repercussions and come home to.”

“I- before we left, I had very specific wishes, a picture of what I wanted and how I wanted it, thinking that it would make me happy, if only I would achieve it one day. It’s- it’s bullshit, you know? I always end up wanting more, thinking further, experiencing new things and developing until I gain the understanding that things are not as simple as I thought and I need a different approach. It’s like this with politics and it’s like this with us. Today- today I went to the place, to the river where we ate meatballs and where I kissed you for the first time. I sat there and thought what would have happened if we broke up, if you had wanted to stay king, if you didn’t want me anymore, or if I had decided to leave the palace, fucking over the rules because I thought that it was something I had to do. I think I would have lost something precious. I wanted to thank you. Thank you for being crazy with me,” he whispered and stared up at the other man’s beautiful ice-blue eyes that were watching him intently.

“And thank you for showing me that it is okay to be crazy,” Hyungwon replied and brushed over his cheeks and finally his lips, warm thumb moving along the outline, eyes fascinated like he still couldn’t believe that it was happening and the way it felt. “I wouldn’t be myself without you, Hoseok.”

“I think-” he started, biting down on his lower lip and focused all his attention and awareness on the way Hyungwon’s gorgeous face looked. “I think you are the only one who knows who I am.”

_Even if fate is playing with you, like he said back then._

Even if it did, Hoseok liked the game.  
  
_  
  


Yewon was screaming something from the kitchen, probably telling everyone to get their fucking shit together and bring the beer and the snacks over to the living room, cursing like a prisoner. Hoseok knew, he had experience.

“I’m coming, don’t get upset,” he commented and blew into the blonde woman’s ear. “Why don’t you tell Lucy and Hyungwon to move their asses? They are sprawled all over the couch.” Grinning, he took the chips and something that looked like cheese on sticks and looked questionably at his wife.

“Because Lucy had a hard day and is probably asleep and Hyungwon-” Yewon pursed her lips like she had no particular reason for skipping out on her brother and still had to come up with one. “He has no strength to carry anything, so your bulky mass will have to take care of it. Grab the beer too, that shit is heavy as fuck.”

“It’s my pleasure, darling,” he hissed and loaded the chips and the cheese plate on top of the beer, refusing to go twice. “I am thankful that you prepared all of this, this way none of us will die because of Hyungwon’s cooking skills. Can’t wait to see your face when you see the two dudes getting it on, it’s Lucy’s favorite movie.” Laughing loudly, he moved in the direction of the living room, where he saw the blonde man lying on the couch they had brought from his best friend’s place because Hyungwon insisted that it was a cloud-like piece of furniture.

“You would live here if you could, am I right?” he asked and put everything on the table, amazed that he didn’t drop anything on his way.

Hyungwon smiled brightly and instantly sat up to reach for the bag of chips and skillfully open it with two fingers. Grabbing one chip with index finger and thumb, the blonde man inserted it into his big mouth, chewing happily. Only when he had swallowed did he answer.

“If I imagine living on a cloud, that is exactly what it must feel like. Like floating instead of lying and feeling your whole weight. Also-” Suddenly the gaze changed a little and looked much sterner than it had a few seconds ago. “I cooked _once_. So can you please stop making it sound like a catastrophe?”

“I love you- I really do… but, I’d rather get shot again,” he murmured, stepping aside to be out of reach for whatever martial art move the other man was rather capable of. “Now make some space for the poor shot down man. I want to lie on your lap, it gives me nostalgic feels. Please.”

Hyungwon smiled brightly, but instead of remaining seated on the couch he jumped up with his sock-clad feet and held onto the armrest with one hand while stretching out the other towards Hoseok.

“Of course.”

“Why are you like this, seriously?” He grabbed the other man’s foot and pulled him back on the couch. “I didn’t tell you to step on me, I just wanted to lay on your lap.” Hyungwon instantly curled his right leg around him and pulled him down, heaving himself on his lap and grabbing his right arm to bend it unpleasantly.

“Apologize,” he hissed.

“God, just shut up and sit down already, I’m emotional enough because I know how this will end.” Lucy threw a pillow at them, hitting Hyungwon’s head. It was ignored expertly. The other man had not been taught to remain neutral for nothing.  
  
“Never,” he hissed at the blonde man, narrowing his gaze. Hyungwon pulled his arm a little more and bit down on his lip, pushing his hips down at the same time. It was worse than the arm.

“I said apologize,” the blonde man repeated.

“I’m so sorry-” Hoseok started, hissing at the pain. “That you can’t cook.”

Hyungwon didn’t show much of a change in his facial expression, only a twitch in his eyebrow as he drew a perfect circle with his hips over Hoseok’s groin, pushing down again.

“Listen, I would much rather watch the movie than you two. Go to your bedroom if you have things to _talk out_ ,” Lucy groaned and opened a can of beer, looking in the direction of the kitchen, longing gaze settling on the hallway.

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” he pressed out, trying to contain a moan. “Let’s play the ‘who will moan first’ game, but not now, later. I love your moans,” he commented and thrust upwards, ignoring everyone present. Hyungwon instantly sucked his lips into his mouth and his big ice-blue eyes widened, gorgeous and a mirror to his thoughts.

“Get the fuck off the couch if you are going to semi-fuck I again. I did not sign up for this and will not hesitate to take out those fucking gardening scissors Lucy’s mom brought last time. Understood?” Yewon yelled as soon as she entered the living room with a thick blanket that she placed over Lucy before snuggling under it. “I’m fucking tired of you rabbits.”

There was a sigh that left Hyungwon’s lips before he climbed off Hoseok’s lap and sat down, stroking over his black-hair instead. ‘Later then’ the blonde man mouthed at him and smiled.

He reached for the beer and opened a can for Hyungwon, giving it to the other man, before opening his and taking a sip. It reminded him of the one time they had been at Lucy’s place, watching a movie and drinking beer, vulnerable and full of doubts.

Sighing, he lay down on top of Hyungwon’s lean thighs, snuggling into his lap and placing a kiss against the other man’s bony knee. Looking up, he saw the overhead fixture, big and fucking expensive, because Hyungwon wanted ‘proper lighting’. Smiling, he remembered waking up and staring at the huge chandelier in his parent’s house and at his room in the palace, his feelings and his thoughts. Right at this instant, he only felt a pleasant warmth from Hyungwon’s legs against his nape, he felt safe and excited at the same time, but more than anything else, he felt loved.

“I think we need to change the lightbulb,” he whispered, overwhelmed and so incredibly happy at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CASTLE OF GLASS came to an end.
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